Beyond the Stars
by Shonetta
Summary: Post-Endgame. When Voyager's return has tragic consequences for Janeway, Chakotay goes back in time to change history. A new timeline begins with new and old adventures for the crew. J/C. AU season seven .
1. Prologue: 2404

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**PROLOGUE**

**2404**

Kathryn Janeway casually moved around her shuttle. She was wearing baggy black trousers and a gray sweater, and her long silver hair was tied behind her head in a pony tail. Her skin was pale, but weeks of exposure to the mild sun of a nearby planet had been enough to enhance her freckles. She opened a small cupboard and pulled out a bag of bird seed she had replicated months ago. There wasn't much left, only enough for a couple more feeds. She would have to replicate more and hoped there was enough energy. She was precariously low on energy reserves. But there was a planet less than a light year away that contained all the resources she needed.

"Roger hungry. Roger hungry."

"Alright, old boy," Kathryn said, and went over to the large red parrot who, for the past ten minutes, had stood over his food bowl and told her he was hungry. He had been her companion for over five years and she loved him dearly. She had found him badly wounded on a planet and kept him for a pet when she realized his injuries meant he would never fly again. She picked up Roger's bowl, filled it to the brim, and then put it back on the floor.

'Thank you," Roger chirped, "thank you."

"You're welcome," Kathryn smiled, and went over to her couch to finish her own meal. The food was cold now, but she was too hungry to care. It was the only meal she could afford to replicate for at least the next eight hours and so she had to make the most of it.

"Well, old boy," she said, washing down her food with water, "after we've both eaten, I'd better set a course for Sanctuary and fill up our reserves. What do you say?"

The bird didn't answer, but Kathryn talked on anyway.

"Then we'll come back and finish collecting data on the..."

Kathryn froze as a bleep suddenly sounded. She then put down her plate and hurried over to the shuttle's console.

"Damn," she said as she saw a ship approach on sensors. She hated it when she came into proximity of another spacecraft. It didn't happen often, as few species traveled through this deserted area of space, but she was always afraid they would be hostile and open fire. She had lost all her ammunition a long time ago and was completely defenseless. But every time she had encountered another ship they had traveled on by without making contact, and she hoped this one would do the same.

"Damn, damn," she said when she saw the ship was heading straight for hers and slowing down in the process.

"They're coming for us, old boy," she said, "let's hope they're friendly."

But just incase they weren't, she got up and went to pick up her phaser. She strapped it around her waist and, before returning to the helm, put Roger into his cage. She then slowed the shuttle down to a standstill. Moments later, a cracking sound on the comm system told her the ship was trying to make contact. She tried to clear up the signal as best as she could. Like many other of the shuttle's systems, the communication system had been damaged and never fully repaired. She managed to clear up the signal just enough to be able to make out a few words.

"...starship Victory. You are in..."

The signal crackled again and Kathryn lost the next few sentences.

"A tractor beam will..."

More crackles and then silence.

The shuttle began to move. Frantically, Kathryn turned to the console. It only took her a moment to realize she was being pulled into the ship. She tried to disengage her shuttle from the tractor beam, but it was pointless. The shuttle turned, and, for the first time, she saw the ship directly ahead of her. It was a silver monster and it opened it's mouth to swallow her and her shuttle. She closed her eyes as she disappeared into the black mouth.

Then all was still.

Kathryn opened her eyes and looked through the view screen. She was inside a shuttle bay. She looked around her shuttle, her home, her heart racing. She heard the shuttle door open and retreated as far from the view screen as she could. She then held out her phaser before her in a desperate attempt to protect herself. A dark shadow fell on her surroundings as someone entered. Kathryn could hear her heart pounding wildly in her chest. The dark figure turned in her direction and Kathryn gasped when she recognized the face.

Chakotay.

He smiled softly, tears in his eyes.

Kathryn lowered her phaser and let it drop to the floor as she gazed at him. He was dressed in a Starfleet uniform, Captain's pips on his collar. He looked just as fine as she remembered him.

Chakotay gazed at her too and wanted to weep at what he saw. She was nothing like the Kathryn Janeway he had once known. Her clothes were old and shabby, her hair was stripped back plainly from her face, and she was painfully thin.

He walked over to her, but she stepped back at his approach.

"Why are you here?"

She reminded him of a frightened animal and he knew he had to tread carefully. "Didn't you receive my message?"

Kathryn shook her head. "The communication system is malfunctioning."

Chakotay looked around the shuttle. It was weathered and cramped. Had Kathryn really lived like this for almost nine years? His eyes found hers again. They were dull now, not the sparkling blue he remembered.

"We've come to take you home," he said kindly.

"This is my home."

"This territory has fallen under dispute. There's going to be war any moment now. No Federation ships are allowed to stay here."

Kathryn's dull eyes darkened even further, but for a moment, just a moment, he saw the determined fire that had once occupied them. "Then take me to a region of space where there is no war."

Chakotay made no answer to that. It had taken his years to find her. He would not let her go that easily.

Kathryn wandered over to Roger's cage and gazed at her beloved pet. The bird edged closer to the steel bars, almost as though he wanted to offer her comfort. Chakotay looked at the bird briefly. He was a strange looking creature, no doubt of alien origin. Chakotay walked a little closer to the cage, but kept at a fair distance.

"Interesting looking creature. Does he have a name?"

"Roger," Kathryn replied, tenderly stroking the creature's head. The bird closed his eyes and leant into her touch.

"It's good to see you, Kathryn," he whispered. "I've missed you."

Kathryn turned to him and a fleeting smile crossed her face. "I've missed you too."

Their eyes locked for a moment and Chakotay was finally able to bridge the distance between them.

"Bring your bird," he said gently. "I'll show you to your quarters."

Kathryn recoiled from him, his brief victory lost. "No," she cried. "I want to stay here!"

"But your shuttle needs to be repaired."

"No, it'll be fine. It's my home. Don't make me leave."

There was sheer agony in her eyes and it took all of Chakotay's strength to defy her.

"It will only be for a short while, Kathryn. You can come back when the repairs are made."

She calmed a little at this and he realized this was the right card to play. Once he had her safely lodged in comfortable quarters, perhaps then he could get her to change her mind about leaving.

"The repairs won't take long," he said gently, and held out his hand as an addition coax. "Come."

But Kathryn resisted him. She was visably trembling and deathly pale. "I can't," she whispered, "the people..."

Chakotay had been warned by the Doctor that she might react this way, that having been on her own for so long, she would find the thought of being with others terrifying. But he hadn't believed it. It was impossible to believe that the woman who had so confidently guided a ship through the hostile territory of the Delta Quadrant could ever be anything less. But he saw that she was now. He knew now that the woman he had found was not the woman he had once known and loved. But he would not give up. He would never give up on her.

"We'll beam there directly," he said softly.

Kathryn did not protest. She merely glanced at her beloved bird. "And Roger?"

Chakotay went over to the birdcage and picked it up. "And Roger."

He then hit his commbadge, instructed transportation, and they all dematerialized.

* * *

Kathryn looked around the quarters as she rematerialized. Compared to what she was used to on the shuttle, it was the lap of luxury. There were several comfortable looking chairs, glass tables, pictures, ornaments, a replicator, and every comfort she could require. Had she really lived like this once? She was so used to her humble existence now that she had forgotten any other.

"We'll have what ever else you want brought from the shuttle," Chakotay said, putting Roger and his cage down on a table.

"No," she protested, "I'll be back there soon."

There was a long silence as Kathryn focussed her attention on the window before her. The stars were familiar, comforting.

"Would you like something to eat, to drink? A coffee, perhaps?"

"Just water," she replied.

So, she had given up coffee too. Chakotay was beginning to wonder if there was anything left of the old her.

After he had replicated her a glass of water, he gestured for her to sit. When she did, he sat opposite her.

"So," he asked, "what have you been up to?"

"Collecting data."

"Tell me about your findings."

She turned the glass around and around in her hands. "Another time."

Chakotay gazed at her sadly.

"Why did you disappear, Kathryn?"

Kathryn flinched, panicked, and stood up. "I don't want to talk about it," she said defensively.

"Alright," Chakotay said, getting to his feet. "I understand."

Kathryn clutched her arm tight around her waist. "Leave me now, Chakotay, please."

Chakotay hesitated, but he didn't want to push her too far too soon.

"Alright," he said again, feeling like the parrot that was watching him like a hawk. "But will you have dinner with me this evening?"

"No, I..." Kathryn's eyes met his and he saw an inner battle take place. Finally she nodded.

Chakotay smiled warmly, glad that battle was won. "I'll arrange transport for 19:00 hours."

He reluctantly turned away and began to walk towards the door.

"Chakotay..."

He turned at the sound of Kathryn's voice. She was agitated again, wringing her hands.

"Are there ... Are there any other Voyager crew onboard?"

"Only Harry Kim and the Doctor."

Kathryn seemed relieved at that and her hands slowly stilled.

In the flurry of events, Chakotay realized he hadn't given her a commbadge. He unpinned his from his jacket and walked back over to her. He held it out to her. "Call me if you need me."

Kathryn hesitated, but then took the commbadge. It sparkled under the bright light and she watched it for a while. When she looked up, she saw that Chakotay had left.

* * *

The bath water was wonderfully warm and Kathryn sank deeper beneath the white layer of soapy bubbles. It had been a long time since she had taken a bath like this, too long. She washed her white skin with a beautiful soap of white musk and let herself drown in the fragrance.

When she had soaked herself long enough, she got out of the bath and began to dry herself. The softness of the newly replicated towel felt good against her skin.

Suddenly she heard the door chime and she froze. Then panic set in. She felt dizzy, as though she couldn't breathe.

"It's me, Harry Kim," Harry called, having been warned by Chakotay that she might not respond. "Please, may I come in?"

Kathryn struggled for what seemed like an eternity with the inner demons, but then hastily put on her old clothes and walked into the living room.

"Yes ... Come in."

The doors opened and Harry came in. He was dressed in his Starfleet uniform and tears welled in Kathryn's eyes as she remembered the young ensign who had always occupied a special place in her heart.

"It's good to see you," Harry said warmly, "so good to see you."

Kathryn managed a weak smile. "You too."

"Chakotay says you've been busy collecting data on this region."

Kathryn gave a brief nod.

"You must have a lot by now, Admiral."

He saw Kathryn's body tense. "That title is no longer relevant."

Harry stepped a little closer. "You'll always be Admiral to us, to all of us."

Kathryn turned away from him and gazed out of the window.

"If you'll excuse me, Harry, I have things to do."

Harry understood that was his cue to leave.

"Yes, Ma'am. I'll come and see you again tomorrow."

He waited for a reply, but Kathryn just stood staring out at the stars. He watched her a while, wishing she would turn to him as she had done in the old days, the good days, and smile her wonderful smile at him and crack a joke. Even a reprimand would do. But there was nothing, nothing but vacancy. With unshed tears stinging his eyes, he left the room.

* * *

Chakotay smiled when Kathryn materialized at 19:00 hours. She was wearing a long blue dress beneath a black jacket and her hair was tied up in a bun just as it had been when he had first met her. She may have aged by a quarter of a century, but in that moment, she looked as beautiful to him as she ever had or could.

Kathryn looked at the food spread out before them. There were vegetables of all kinds, meats of different types, and two large dishes of mixed salad. She stared at the spread and didn't know how she was going to eat it. Uneasiness overcame her and she began to feel threatened by the unfamiliar surroundings. Chakotay gestured for her to sit and she did so almost in a daze, taking deep breaths to try and calm herself. Chakotay saw her struggle, her panic.

"We can eat later if you like," he said gently.

Kathryn looked up at him. What she saw in his eyes calmed her considerably. There such warmth in them, such tenderness. She became oblivious to everything else. This was Chakotay, her Chakotay. She was safe with him. She smiled weakly. "We'll eat now."

Chakotay gestured to the food. "Help yourself."

Not wanting to make her feel conspicuous or uncomfortable, he began to help himself to the food. He avoided the meat, but loaded some vegetables onto his plate. He saw Kathryn eye the lamb roast and watched as she picked up the carving knife and began to cut herself a slice. For the first time he noticed a thin scar running across her right hand. He said nothing, not wanting to bring attention to it. He cut himself a slice of nut-roast and began to eat, hoping she would imitate. She did.

They ate for a long time in silence. Chakotay remembered all the meals Kathryn had cooked for him when they were on Voyager, all the roasts she had burnt, all the recipes that had gone disastrously wrong and the evenings that had only been salvaged by the replicator. He remembered how she would talk away, talking about everything and nothing.

Talk now, his heart cried, talk now. But she just sat in silence, her mouth only opening to consume the food on her plate.

He reached for a bottle of wine and poured a glassful for both of them. "Have you seen Harry and the Doctor yet?"

"Only Harry," Kathryn replied quietly.

"I'm surprised the Doctor wasn't first in line to see you. He's pined for you dreadfully. There must have been an emergency at sickbay."

Silence.

Chakotay put down the wine. This was difficult, so difficult. "You must be wondering how I found you?"

Kathryn nodded.

"Your sister told Starfleet Command of your whereabouts when this region of space fell under dispute. She was concerned for your safety. They asked me to take charge of the mission to find you and I gladly accepted."

Now was not the time to tell her he had been looking for her for years before that.

Kathryn made no response. She just finished what was left on her plate and then crossed the knife and fork over it. Chakotay stood up and picked up her plate. He cleared away his also so they could move on to dessert. He then returned to the table.

"What would you like for dessert?"

"Nothing ... thank you."

"You must have something. Coffee cake, coffee gateaux, coffee ice cream?"

Kathryn gave a weak smile. "Alright, ice cream."

Chakotay replicated a bowl of coffee ice cream and a vanilla flavor for himself. Kathryn ate hers eagerly and Chakotay felt a lump gather in his throat as he watched her. Aware he was still watching her, he turned to his own ice cream and began to eat.

"What do you plan to do with the data you have collected?"

"I was thinking ... maybe ... depositing it with Starfleet."

"You should. It would be such a waste otherwise. Knowledge is no good if it isn't shared."

Another silence followed as Kathryn finished her ice cream. When she was done, she stood up slowly.

"I ... I should go now. Thank you for the meal."

Chakotay stood up too and went over to her. "Not yet. Stay a while." He put his hand on her shoulder.  
"Please."

Kathryn looked up at him and saw again warmth and compassion looking back at her. She wanted to stay, she wanted to talk to him. There was so much she wanted to know, wanted to ask. But she couldn't. Talking was difficult now. Chakotay touched her freckled face, brushed his fingers softly against her cheek. His touch was gentle and Kathryn closed her eyes. She couldn't remember the last time someone had touched her.

"I'll replicate us a coffee," he said softly, "and then we can have a game of cards, just the two of us, just like old times."

Kathryn opened her eyes at that and recoiled from him. "I can't."

"Yes you can," he urged gently. "There's nothing to be afraid of, nothing to..."

"You don't understand," she said, tears brimming. "Just leave me alone, Chakotay, just leave me alone."

She fled from him and hurried in the direction of the door. Chakotay called after her, but she was already through it.

* * *

Kathryn ran into the corridor, but all she could see was confusion. All was a blur before her ... colors all merging ... She turned left, turned right ... turned again ... was dizzy. Which way should she go? Where should she go? Left ... right ... left ... right ... She turned, turned again ... left ... right ... She was dizzy, couldn't breathe ... was suffocating ...

Then all was black.

* * *

Kathryn stirred awake. Someone was talking, but he sounded far away. The voice was familiar ... friendly ... and through the haze she saw the Doctor's face looking down at her.

"Not quite the reunion I was hoping for," he said warmly.

Kathryn smiled at the sight of her old friend. She had missed him so much.

"But there's plenty of time later to catch up," he added. "Right now you need to rest."

He put a hypospray to her neck.

"This will help you sleep."

In moments she was drifting again.

* * *

Chakotay waited in the room outside for the Doctor. He came at last.

"How is she, Doctor?"

"As well as can be expected, considering all that she's been through."

"How is she physically? She's terribly thin and I noticed a scar on her hand."

"Physically she's in reasonably good shape. She's taken pretty good care of herself and her weight will soon pile on with plenty of good food. She has several scars on her body, the result of accidents while exploring, no doubt, but having no means of treating them. Her medical equipment must have malfunctioned or been damaged."

"What can I do to help her?"

The Doctor put his hand on Chakotay's shoulder. "Just be there for her and show her kindness and patience."

"She wants to leave again, continue exploring. But we can't let her."

Profound sadness shadowed the Doctor's face. "We might have to, Captain. It's the only way of life she's comfortable with now."

* * *

**A Week Later**

Chakotay looked at the gaseous cloud that filled the view screen. It had appeared suddenly and seemed to be emanating high levels of dangerous radiation. Chakotay called to his chief pilot. "Can we go to warp?"

"No, Captain. If we try, we'll cause an explosive reaction. We're going to have to wait for the cloud to dissipate."

"We don't have time," Harry interrupted. "Our shields will only protect us from the cloud for about an hour."

* * *

Kathryn stood at the window of her quarters, Roger in her arms, and looked out at the cloud that had just surrounded the ship. The door chimed. She hesitated, but then called out. "Come in."

"Come in," Roger chirped, "Come in."

Chakotay came in, a soft smile on his face at the echo of the bird. He went over to Kathryn who was still gazing out of the window. "I need your help," he said firmly. "As you can see we're trapped in this cloud and have no means of getting out of it as we'll cause an explosion if we go to warp. But if we stay, we'll suffer radiation poisoning."

Kathryn calmly stroked her bird's back. "This cloud's a life form. Usually it's stationary, but once a year it moves through certain sectors of space. It's quite harmless and will pass us over in less than thirty minutes."

Relief consumed Chakotay and then he smiled. "I knew you'd know what to do."

Only silence answered.

Then Kathryn turned to him. "I would like to return to my shuttle."

Chakotay inhaled sharply. She hadn't mentioned her shuttle in days and he'd hoped she'd changed her mind about leaving.

"Your shuttle is still being repaired," he said. It wasn't the truth, but he felt the lie was in a good cause.

"When will it be ready?"

Chakotay avoided the question and instead put his hand on her shoulder. "There's no need to return to it, Kathryn. Stay here in these quarters."

She shook her head, clutched her bird tighter. "It's where I belong."

"You can belong anywhere you want to. Return to Earth with me. My house is secluded, there'll be no one to bother you. You can write up your findings, do whatever you like. For a long time I've thought of farming the land. We could do that together."

Kathryn stepped away from him and shook her head again, trying to force the pleasant images his words conjured out of her mind. She could never have that kind of existence again. "Just repair my shuttle, Chakotay, please."

Her breathing accelerated, her body trembled, and Chakotay was afraid she would collapse again.

"Alright," he said softly. "Alright."

* * *

Kathryn looked around her repaired shuttle. She smiled broadly and tickled Roger's chin. "As good as new, old boy."

"Better than new," Harry said with a soft smile. "We've installed updated replicators, new medical equipment, an entertainment system, increased the warp capacity, supplied you with ammunition, and provided you with a year's supply of everything you'll need."

Kathryn's smile widened. "Did you hear that, Roger?"

"Roger hear," he chirped, "Roger hear."

Chakotay stepped forward, his heart hurting at even the thought of her going, and glared at Harry. He wouldn't let her leave. There was still time. Somehow, someway, he would change her mind.

"But we've still got a way to travel yet," he said, turning to Kathryn. "So, how about I reserve us some holodeck time for the weekend? We can do anything that you want."

Kathryn hesitated, but then nodded.

Harry put his arm around Chakotay's shoulder. "Well, Sir, we'd better let the Admiral get some rest."

Chakotay smiled softly. "It is getting late." His eyes found Kathryn's and he held them a moment. "Remember to call me if you want anything."

She nodded again.

Harry was already making his way out of the shuttle, but Chakotay was, as always, reluctant to leave her.

"Goodnight, Kathryn."

"Goodnight, Chakotay," she whispered.

He held her gaze for a moment longer, and then left.

Kathryn watched him leave and a stubborn tear ran down her cheek.

* * *

A voice called in the darkness, grew louder. Chakotay stirred awake and had to close his eyes again as a bright light hurt them. When he opened them a second time, he saw Harry standing before his bed.

"What is it, Harry?"

"Admiral Janeway's gone."

Chakotay sat up and his heart raced. "Gone? What do you mean, gone?"

"She launched her shuttle in the middle of the night. We can find no trace of her."

Chakotay got out of his bed, running his hands through his hair in angry desperation. "Didn't anyone notice an unauthorized shuttle launch?"

"No. I don't need to remind you that this is Kathryn Janeway we're talking about. If anyone could find a way of leaving a ship without being detected, it would be her."

Chakotay knew the truth of that only too well. "Then we'll have to go and look for her. She can't stay in prohibited territory."

Harry seized him. "We left prohibited space four days ago. I know it, you know it, and Admiral Janeway knew it too."

"But she can't leave like this," Chakotay cried. "We have to find her."

"She doesn't want to be found, Chakotay. Face it. And as long as she doesn't want to be found, we'll never find her."

Chakotay retreated from him and tried to calm himself. He knew Harry spoke the truth but he couldn't accept it, he just couldn't.

Harry dug into his pocket and pulled out an envelope. "We found this fixed to the body of the shuttle that was kept next to hers."

Chakotay took the envelope from him and stared at it. His name was clearly written on the front of it in black ink and inside there appeared to be a letter.

Without another word, Harry left the room.

When he was gone, Chakotay opened the lenvelope and sat on the bed to read it.

"My dear Chakotay. I have never been good at saying good-bye, and I would find it impossible to say good-bye to you. I know we have left prohibited space several days ago and I know the reason you didn't tell me is because you wanted me to stay with you. But I couldn't stay. I hope one day you will understand and forgive me for all the pain I know my departing in this way will have caused you. There's so much I have always wanted to say to you, so much I should have said a long time ago, but I could never find the words. You have always been a good friend to me, the best friend I have ever known, and even now, after all these years, you still care for me. I know that care will make you want to come in search of me, but I ask you not to. I am happy in my own existence. I could never be happy on Earth again, and know I could never make you happy. And I want you to be happy more than anything. I know it may seem that I have always taken your friendship for granted, but I want you to know that I was thankful for you every moment of every day. I'm so glad you came into my life, so thankful for the years we knew each other. You once told me in a beautiful ancient legend that you loved me and I have listened to that legend over and over through the years. It has brought me more comfort than you could ever know. And I want you to know that I loved you too. I loved you so much, and love you still. You were my rock, my harbor, my shelter, and I'm sorry I never told you. I know I have changed so much from the woman we both knew, but I ask you to remember her. And when you remember her, I want you to remember that she loved you. Kathryn."

Chakotay clutched the letter to his chest and wept with the agony of a broken heart.

**END OF PROLOGUE**


	2. Regaining Yesterday: Part One

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**.

**CHAPTER ONE**

**REGAINING YESTERDAY**  
**Part One**

**2377**

It was almost 21:00 hours and Chakotay stopped off at his captain's quarters to say goodnight before retiring for the night himself. Kathryn was still incapacitated following her partial assimilation by the Borg and had only been released from sickbay on the promise that she would stay in bed and rest. Chakotay had kept her company as much as he could, but with her off duty, the responsibility for running Voyager fell on his shoulders, and for the past week, very little time had been his own.

Using his override privileges, Chakotay entered Kathryn's quarters, and then called out to her from the living room.

"Alright if I come in?"

Kathryn's voice answered. "Sure, Chakotay. I'm decent."

He went inside and sighed when he saw that she was sitting up in bed, working at a monitor. She was meant to be resting completely.

"Impeccable timing," she smiled. "I'm going through the ship's systems and..."

She stopped as Chakotay took the monitor away from her.

"The Doctor said complete rest."

"But..."

"You can review the ship's systems when you're better. Complete rest means no work."

Kathryn curled her lip, part in frustration, part in amusement. "Spoil sport."

He put the monitor down on the table beside her bed and then pulled out a padd from his pocket.

"But here's something you can read instead. Letters from home."

Kathryn took the padd hesitantly.

"They arrived just an hour ago. Seven is checking them all. There's four for you." He paused. "One from Starfleet Command."

Their eyes met in mutual concern. This was the first communication from Starfleet Command since Kathryn had told them she had merged the Maquis crew with her own and had made Chakotay her First Officer.

Kathryn lowered her eyes and stared at the padd. Chakotay watched her. He knew how worried she was, worried that Starfleet would not approve. After a moment she activated the padd and began to read...

From the look on her face, Chakotay could tell it was not good news. "Well?"

Kathryn looked up at him, her eyes heavy. "They say that, given our circumstances, I made the right decision."

He knew there was more. "But?"

"In the eyes of the Federation, you and the other Maquis are still outlaws." She paused. "Admiral Paris says it's likely that because of your dedicated service on this ship you'll be looked upon kindly, but when we get back to Earth, you'll all have to stand trial and account for your actions."

A sadness filled Chakotay's eyes and he averted them.

"We always knew that was a likelihood," he said quietly.

Kathryn reached for his hand, wanting to comfort him, wanting to connect with him. But, as soon as her fingers touched his, he withdrew his hand. When he looked up at her, the pain in his eyes knifed her heart.

"Well, I ... I'd better leave you to rest."

"Chakotay," she protested...

"Goodnight, Captain."

With that he turned around and walked away, leaving her alone.

* * *

The night was long. Chakotay lay on his couch in his quarters and gazed vacantly at the stars flying by at warp speed. He knew now, without a doubt, that Kathryn could never be his. He had been a fool to ever think they could have a future together. They came from different worlds. Hers was Starfleet and his was ... he didn't even know what his was. He never had. He had always been torn between his tribe and the world beyond. As a child his eyes had been drawn to the stars. He had dreamt of being amongst them, of escaping his world and exploring new ones. He had defied his father to follow that dream, but the hurt he had left behind, the guilt he had felt at that hurt, had overshadowed any joy he found in his new existence. And when his family was killed by the Cardassians, the guilt then was too much to bear. He should have been there to fight with his father. He should have been there to die with his family. Joining the Maquis was the only way he could begin to deal with that guilt. At least then he felt he was doing something to avenge their deaths. But while in battle he found satisfaction, his soul still longed for peace.

It was only on Voyager that he finally began to find peace. By putting Kathryn's needs before his own, and helping her shoulder the overbearing burden of getting the crew home, he had found an unexpected contentment. He had also found himself falling deeply in love with her. Deeper than he had ever thought love could be. His relationships with women in the past had been largely physical and served a mutual end. But with Kathryn it was different. He just wanted to be with her, to love her, to protect her, and he couldn't imagine how wonderful it would be just to hold her in his arms.

And yet, as pure and unselfish as his love was, it hurt him. He read somewhere that all true love calls for love in return and he wanted her to love him. He wanted it so much that the longing had become a steady ache in his heart. But while he had once fooled himself into thinking they could have a future together, he knew now it had all been wishful thinking. Even if she did love him, and he didn't really know what her feelings were towards him, a future together would be impossible. She was a Starfleet Captain and he was an ex-Maquis, an outlaw. When they got back to Earth, she would be hailed as a heroine and he would put on trial for criminal activities. Their worlds could never be one. It was only here, on Voyager, that those two worlds could momentarily collide. To ask for her love would be to ask her to be less than what she was. It would be asking her to jeopardize everything she had worked her entire life for as becoming involved with him could only earn her the disrespect and scorn of her superiors and fellow Starfleet captains. He loved her too much to even contemplate that.

Suddenly an eerie blue strip of light shone before him. Chakotay turned to it, unsure whether he was awake or dreaming. The light extended upwards and then a human form materialized. Chakotay gasped when he saw that human form was an older version of himself. He was wearing a padded black jacket that made him look weightier than he was and his hair was gray.

"Don't be alarmed," the old man said as Chakotay stood up. "I'm from the future. I'm here to help you change it."

There was such a humble sincerity about the man before him that Chakotay found himself believing him. Or at least wanting too.

"How did you get here?"

"I stole a temporal deflector," the man said honestly. "My ship is pursuing Voyager but is cloaked so it won't be detected. I don't want anyone else to know I'm here."

Chakotay stepped away from him. "If you're really me, then you'll know how I feel about temporal violations."

"Yes," the older man replied, "but a small violation now will prevent a greater one in the future, a violation that will have devastating consequences."

Chakotay swallowed. "Are you saying I will violate the temporal prime directive in the future?"

"No," the old man answered. "Kathryn will."

The older-self saw pain fill the eyes of his younger-self.

"I see," Chakotay replied quietly. Knowing Kathryn aswell as he did, that was not hard to believe. "And you're here to help me stop that?"

"Yes," he replied.

There was a moment of silence. "What does she do?"

"She travels back in time to try and get Voyager home sooner. I'm not going to give you all the details, or how exactly we got home, but I'll give you this. In the original timeline, the journey from the Caretaker's array to the Alpha Quadrant took twenty three years. Voyager received a triumphant welcome and Kathryn was made an Admiral. But there were many casualties, many tragedies. Amongst other things, Seven was killed, and Tuvok went insane from a degenerative neurological disease. Kathryn went back in time to prevent all that and in about a year from now, you'll be visited by Admiral Janeway. She'll bring future technology and a plan that will get you home sooner. After Admiral Janeway tells Kathryn what's going to happen, Kathryn agrees to use her technology and follow her plan, thinking getting the crew home earlier will make things better. But it won't. It will only make them a thousand times worse. Things will go well for a while, and Kathryn will even be promoted to Admiral, but then it will be one disaster after another. Tom and B'Elanna will be killed in a shuttle crash and Samantha and Naomi will drown in a boating accident. The mind-meld that Tuvok thinks will cure him won't as it's nothing but superstition and a temporary relief from the symptoms. The Doctor will eventually find a cure, but Tuvok will die before it can be given to him."

The old man reached into his pocket and pulled out a padd.

"I've downloaded the cure for you so you can program the Doctor to discover it."

He handed Chakotay the padd.

"The future I am from should never have happened. It was a mistake, everything was a mistake from the moment we went along with the Admiral's plans...even before."

He then began speaking in the past tense, recounting his own experience.

"Thirty four years ago...six years into your future... the Borg launched an assault on the Federation that was an indirect consequence of ... let's just say the way Voyager got home. If the Admiral had never traveled back in time, the chain of events leading to that attack would never have happened. It was a devastating attack and millions of people were assimilated. Kathryn played a part in the defense of the Federation, but in her desperation to defeat the Borg, she employed a lot of unorthodox methods, methods that served us well in the Delta Quadrant but had no place in the Federation. Public opinion turned against her and she became the Federation's scapegoat for what happened. She lost her rank and was sentenced to eight years imprisonment."

The old man turned to the window and gazed out into the blackness of space.

"I couldn't believe how someone could go from such popularity to such infamy and couldn't believe how much she had been made to suffer. I went to visit her in prison, but she would never see me. She wouldn't see any of us. But I never gave up. When she was released, I went to see her in Indiana. She was so thin, so pale, and already so changed. She said it was all her fault, that she should have defied the Admiral, that this future wasn't meant to happen. I tried to tell her that it wasn't her fault, tried to relieve some of the guilt that was killing her, told her that she wasn't the Admiral and that we were all to blame in different ways. But she wouldn't listen."

He paused, his trembling voice the only indicator of whatever emotion he was feeling.

"I told her I loved her, that we could make a life together on Trebus away from everyone and everything. But she didn't want to know. She just shut me out. I tried to help her, did everything I could, but she just withdrew more and more into herself and then one day she was gone. She took a shuttle and disappeared."

The old man turned back to his younger self. "I did everything I could to find her, searched for over three years. But to no avail. It wasn't until the area of space she had escaped to came under threat of war that her sister told Starfleet Command where she had gone. I ... you ... headed the mission to find her, but the woman you found was not the woman you loved." He paused. "I did everything I could to make her stay with me, everything, but she had been on her own for so long that she could survive no other way. And she didn't even say goodbye...The only goodbye I got was this letter."

The old man again reached into his pocket and pulled out the letter. It was crumpled and creased, and the corners were worn.

Chakotay took the letter and began to read. His heart cracked at Kathryn's words.

"But even then I couldn't give up on her...I just couldn't. I returned my crew to Deep Space Nine and then went in search of her in a shuttle. I searched for months, everywhere I could think of. But I couldn't find it... couldn't find a trace." He paused. "Nine years later her shuttle was found by a Klingon explorer. Kathryn was..." He struggled to say the words... " She was found dead inside, lying on a couch, her beloved bird under her arm. The shuttle's heating system had failed and she had frozen to death."

The old man stepped closer to the younger.

"You can't let that happen again," he said. "You have to stop it."

Chakotay looked up at him, the temporal prime directive forgotten. "Just tell me how."

"Tell her that you love her."

Chakotay flinched.

"It's the only way," his older-self continued. "You have to tell her how you feel..."

Chakotay stepped away from him, thought chasing thought in his mind. "And you expect me to believe that would change everything?"

"Yes! If you tell her how you feel, everything will happen differently... There'll be no Admiral Janeway from the future, no conflict with the Borg...Nothing will be the same..."

"How?" Chakotay cried. "How will telling her change anything?"

"Because if you're together, it will all happen differently..."

Chakotay almost scoffed. "Together? She's not interested in a relationship with me...with us!"

"And how do you know that? You've never asked her."

"She knows already how I feel about her. If she wanted a relationship, she would ask me."

"No. No she doesn't know how you feel," the older man said. "How can she? You've never told her. Sure, you gave her that ancient legend when you were on New Earth four years ago, but that was at a time when she wasn't ready, and you've not once told her how you feel since."

"There would be no point! She believes we'll get the crew home soon. As long as she believes that, she'll never contemplate a relationship with me."

"You're wrong, and you're totally underestimating Kathryn..." He paused. "I know you, I know you better than you know yourself. You've always thought that Kathryn would come to you if she wanted you, that time was all she needed. But she never did and then, today, you hear from Starfleet Command that you'll be put on trial when you get home. You think that changes everything. While you were still lost out here, decades away from home, you thought there was a chance for you. But now getting home seems a real possibility, you think she'll be better off without you."

Chakotay shivered and turned away from him at the truth of those words.

"But you're wrong, so wrong. Without any temporal violations it may be years before you get home, but even if you get home sooner, you'll be welcomed as heroes and your trials will be no more than hollow procedure. You'll be exonerated and even invited to rejoin Starfleet. By living in fear of a future that may never happen, you're creating a worse one."

The older-self watched the younger-self and knew that despite his rigid exterior, inside he was in turmoil.

"Even if we don't get home for another sixteen years," Chakotay said at last, "we're in regular communication with Starfleet now. She would have to tell them about a relationship between us and God knows what that would do to her reputation. It would be bad enough if I was her First Officer, but as her prisoner... I can't ask it of her."

"You've got too... You have to change the future..."

Chakotay turned to him now. "And I don't believe this is the only way. I don't believe that for a moment..."

"Then start believing it... There is no other way..."

"Then we'll have to find one."

"But..."

"Look, I know you want to help," Chakotay said handing Kathryn's letter back to his older-self, "but your judgment is clouded by time. Things are never quite as we remember them. The Kathryn that wrote that letter was a different Kathryn to the one here now on Voyager. She was an older Kathryn looking back on a lonely life. We always think we would do things differently if we could go back and do them again, but we often forget why we did those things in the first place."

Tears welled in the old man's eyes. For years he had been planning this mission, years. And now it looked like his efforts would all be in vain because his stubborn younger-self wouldn't listen...

"She needs you," he said quietly. "Can't you see that she does? Can't you see that you need each other?"

"She'll find someone else..."

"No she won't. There'll never be anyone else. A heart can only love so much and Kathryn has loved and lost too many times already... You have to tell her how you feel, you have too...before it's too late. If you don't, you'll spend the rest of your life regretting it."

"Perhaps I will," Chakotay answered. "But I'm sure I'd regret telling her more."

"With all due respect, I think I'm in a better position to judge that."

Chakotay fell silent at that. He then turned his attention to the padd in his hand, needing a moment of reprieve. His head was spinning. All this was too much to take in.

"I'll go and upload this to the Doctor's database," he said. "It'll be quiet in sickbay now. We can talk more when I get back."

"As you wish," his older-self said, understanding his need to have a moment alone to gather his thoughts. "I'll wait right here."

Chakotay gave a brief nod and then left the room.

But the old man had no intention of waiting. Once that information was uploaded to the Doctor's database, the future would already begin changing. As that future disappeared from time, so would he and his shuttle. How long it would take, he didn't know. It could be seconds, it could be hours. But his time was limited. If his younger self wasn't going to listen, perhaps there was someone else who would.

* * *

Kathryn lay sound asleep in her bed. Her head was slightly turned to the side and her lips were turned up, almost in a soft smile. Old Chakotay gazed at her in awe. She looked just as he remembered her, just as she looked in his dreams...

Slowly, tenderly, he reached out and brushed his fingers against her cheek.

"Wake up, Kathryn," he said gently. "Wake up."

Kathryn stirred awake beneath him and gasped when she saw the dark form of a man towering over her bed.

"It's alright," Chakotay whispered. "Don't be afraid."

Kathryn relaxed as she recognized the voice and made out the face before her in the dim starlight.

"Chakotay?"

"I'm sorry to wake you," he said quietly.

Kathryn gripped the covers nervously. Something wasn't right. There was something very unfamiliar about this very familiar man.

"What's going on?" She asked, trying not to show her anxiety.

"I'm from the future," Chakotay said gently. "I just want to talk to you."

Kathryn absorbed this a moment and then ordered the computer to put on the lights.

"Computer, lights."

The lights came on and she could see him clearly. The man before her certainly seemed to be an aged Chakotay, but he could just as well be an alien in disguise. Kathryn began to tremble a little and all kinds of thoughts raced through her mind. If this was a wolf in sheeps clothing, she was completely defenseless. All she could conclude was that it would be best to play along for the moment, play this by ear.

"What are you doing here?"

"Come to right some wrongs," he said softly. "I can't really tell you more than that. Temporal prime directive."

He smiled, but Kathryn made no response. Knowing her as well as he did, he could see the reels of her mind working, analyzing his every word, his every movement, and preparing solutions to an infinite number of scenarios.

"My younger-self knows I'm here," he continued, thinking it best to be as natural as possible. "It's him I came to see. I was just going to come, do what I came to do, and then fade away into non-existence. But there's something that my younger-self won't do."

Kathryn studied him with distinct suspicion. "And what's that?"

Chakotay looked deep into the eyes that seemed to be searching his very soul. "Tell you that he loves you."

As Old Chakotay's gazed into her eyes, all Kathyn's anxiety left her. There was so much warmth in them, so much genuine feeling, that no alien could feign it. And no alien could evoke in her the feelings that Chakotay did when he looked into her eyes.

"He loves you so much, Kathryn."

Kathryn's voice was barely more than a whisper. "Then why doesn't he tell me?"

The old man took a deep breath, summoned his courage, and then sat on the edge of the bed. "Because you come from different worlds. You're a renowned Starfleet Captain where as in the eyes of the Federation, he's an outlaw. You have dedicated your life to Starfleet. He doesn't want to ask for your love. He feels to do so would be to ask you to be less than what you are, that involvement with him would jeopardize everything you have ever worked for."

"Then he's wrong," Kathryn answered. "Because loving him could only make me more." She paused. "The opinion of strangers means nothing to me. But the people I love ... they mean everything." She reached out and touched the old man's face. "And I love you, Chakotay."

A tear ran down the old man's cheek at the words it seemed he had waited a lifetime to hear, and he took her hand in his. "Then tell him, Kathryn, please."

There was such profound longing in his eyes that Kathryn had to look away from them. "But what if it jeopardizes the future?"

"How do you mean?"

Kathryn turned back to him. "You're clearly still alive in the future. And if you made it home, how can I jeopardize that?"

Chakotay squeezed her hand. "Believe me, Kathryn, the future I'm from you don't want to happen. I don't know what will happen as a result of my intervention, but I do know that things could never be as bad as what has happened in my existence. And it was an existence that should never have been in the first place. Even if you don't get home, even if Voyager is destroyed, it couldn't be as bad..."

Kathryn paled. It couldn't be that bad ... not that bad.

"But that's all changed now, Kathryn," Chakotay said, seeing her reaction. His intervention had surely changed the course of history, and even if it hadn't, he wanted her to believe it had. He needed her to believe it. He needed her to believe the future was once more a void to be filled.

"The future is now an empty page," he continued. "Anything can happen. Just tell my younger-self how you feel. Please."

Kathryn looked deep into his eyes again and once more saw there only a truth and sincerity she could trust. She smiled softly and nodded.

A light now shone in the dark depths of old Chakotay's eyes and he smiled happily.

Kathryn noticed that the tone of his skin was paling as was the vibrancy of his clothes.

"You're fading," she whispered.

Chakotay looked at his hand and saw that it was paling.

"That means the future I'm from is fading from time," he replied.

He broke away from her and got to his feet.

"Remember, Kathryn. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present. Let yourself enjoy the journey."

Kathryn nodded. He smiled warmly and gazed again at the woman of yesterday he had loved and missed for so long.

"Goodnight, Kathryn."

"Goodnight, Chakotay," she whispered.

He took one last look at her and then turned to leave, now nothing but a ghostly figure displaced in time.

* * *

Old Chakotay was standing before a window in the living room when Chakotay returned to his quarters after visiting sickbay. He was barely visible now and Chakotay knew that could only mean the future he came from had been changed.

The old man turned to him and Chakotay saw there was a peace in his eyes that had not been there before. It was evidently just enough for him to know that the future had been changed. After all, a new future meant new possibilities.

The old man smiled warmly at him and then disappeared forever.

* * *

**FOUR DAYS LATER**

A beautiful crimson nebula glowed in the distance. Kathryn watched Chakotay gaze at it as they sat together at a dining table in her quarters. Her back was better now and only gave her the odd twinge now and again. The Doctor said that would go in a day or two and she'd be as good as new. After spending a few hours in her ready room catching up on work, she had spent the rest of the afternoon preparing a beautiful meal for her and Chakotay. She had used a familiar recipe as she wanted everything to be perfect. She had taken more care than usual in decorating the table and rather than dine with him in the remnants of her uniform, she had put on a classy blue velvet gown with thin shoulder straps. He had once said he liked her in blue. The red tone of the nebula reflected on his face and the white shirt he was wearing. His eyes were fixed on the natural wonder but his thoughts seemed a million light years away. He had been quiet all evening and they had eaten in virtual silence.

For the first time in a long time, she noticed how tired he looked, how life weary.. She wondered how she could have been so blind to his pain all these years, how she could have so completely misread him. She had waited for him to make a move, to tell her how he felt, feeling sure that he would if there was anything to tell. And when he didn't, she had concluded that he didn't care her after all, not that way. But it was out of a misguided notion of acting in her best interest that he had kept silent.

"Chakotay," she said quietly.

He turned away from the window to face her.

"The other day," she continued, "I had a visitor." She paused. "He came from the future."

Pain filled Chakotay's eyes and he averted them. It wasn't hard to guess what he had told her.

Kathryn leant forward and gently lay her hand on his. "Do you really think I care what anyone back home would think about us?"

Chakotay looked up at her now and took her hand in his. "I care, Kathryn," he said quietly. "You've dedicated your life to Starfleet and are the most incredible captain I've ever known. When we get home, you deserve to be welcomed as a heroine and decorated with all the honors possible. You don't deserve to be looked upon with disapproval and contempt."

"I haven't done any of this to be a heroine," Kathryn replied, "or to be showered with honors. Everything I've done is for this crew. They are all that matter to me. My personal life is my personal life and so long as it doesn't interfere with my capacity to captain this ship, and so long as the crew are happy, then it's no ones concern but mine. I don't give a damn about what people would say when we get home. I'm not ashamed of you or my feelings for you. You're a good, kind, man and I would feel it a privilege to have you in my life."

"Even if it cost you your rank?"

"Even then."

He shook his head sadly and turned away from her. He got to his feet and wondered over to the window. "No you wouldn't," he said quietly. "You would end up resenting me and I would resent myself. I love you too much to ask such a sacrifice of you."

Kathryn got up slowly and walked over to him.

"It wouldn't be a sacrifice," she answered. "As I said. It would be a privilege." She paused. "As far as I'm concerned, you are the one who has to do the forgiving, Chakotay. I was on a mission to capture you when I and the Federation should have been doing all we could to help you and your people. The Cardassians were tyrannizing your people with unspeakable cruelty and I was going to take you into custody just for doing what every good man would have done, fight for the lives and liberty of his people. And yet you've never held that against me. You've only ever treated me with kindness, respect ... and love."

Chakotay turned to her and his unshed tears sparkled crimson in the glow of the nebula.

"You were only doing your duty, Kathryn. And I was wrong to join the Maquis. I see that now. I was just so blinded by grief and anger that fighting the people who had killed my family was the only way I could begin to cope with what had happened. But violence was not the answer. There are other ways I could have fought for justice." He paused. "If my homeworld hadn't been taken over by the Cardassians then I probably would have been on missions to capture Maquis ships too. You didn't know what was going on, didn't know what they were capable of."

"I might not have known what they were doing to your people," she replied quietly, "but I was well aware of what they were capable of." She turned away from him and gazed out at the nebula. "So much happens as a result of war. We see and experience things that stay with us for the rest of our lives. A year after the truce with the Cardassians, several of us were captured by them when our shuttle ran into difficulty and we were forced to take refuge on a planet. I'd been captured by them before, a long time ago, but that time I was lucky and was rescued before they had a chance to do anything. But this time we were held by them for days and interrogated. They were suspicious of the Federation, you see, convinced the truce was all a sham... When we didn't give them the answers they were looking for, they tried to torture them out of us. They did terrible things, violated us in every possible way, and made us watch while they did them to others. I thought I had died and gone to hell, but I doubted even hell could be that bad."

Her words knifed Chakotay's heart and filled it with an agony he had only felt once before. He reached out and lay a gentle hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Kathryn."

She turned to him slowly and saw her own pain mirrored in his eyes. "We know the risks," she said quietly. "We know if we're captured by an enemy they won't be kind to us." Tears welled in her eyes. "All part and parcel of the job."

Her lips trembled and Chakotay saw her unspoken pain in her eyes. He gently gathered her in his arms and Kathryn accepted the embrace he offered, holding him in return.

It was a while before they drew away, neither wanting to let go, both just wanting to stay locked in the other's arms.

"I haven't been intimate with a man since," Kathryn said at last. "You can't go through something like that and not be affected, and I changed afterwards, withdrew myself. I needed to be alone, come to terms with it. Mark didn't understand. He tried, but he didn't. We separated for a while, over a year, and then just before I got promoted to Captain, we decided to give things another go. He asked me to marry him, I think as a way of showing how committed he was to me, but our relationship was still difficult, and neither of us rushed to set a date. There was a barrier between us that had never existed before and we didn't seem able to take our relationship beyond a certain point."

All the things that had puzzled Chakotay over the years were finally beginning to make sense now. This was clearly another reason she had held back from him. He felt humbled and ashamed, ashamed that he'd misread the signs and made wrong assumptions.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry that I made wrong assumptions."

"We both have, Chakotay. I thought you didn't say anything because you didn't care any more. But the whole time you were silent because you did." She paused. "I'm scared, Chakotay. I'm scared of so many things. I'm scared of loving you only to lose you. I'm scared of not being enough for you and scared at the same time of being too much. I'm even scared sometimes at just how deeply I love and need you. Because I do, Chakotay. I need you." Her voice fell to a whisper. "Please don't reject Kathryn because of the captain..."

Chakotay tenderly put his hand to her cheek. "Kathryn's all I want," he said sincerely. "All I've ever wanted."

Kathryn smiled softly and took his hand in hers. "Whatever happens when we get home, we'll face together. It doesn't matter what anyone will think. It really doesn't. All that matters is how the crew would feel about us being together and every instinct tells me they wouldn't object."

"Of course not," Chakotay answered. "They know how dedicated we both are to getting them home."

"Then shall we call a meeting tomorrow and tell them we would like to pursue a relationship if we have their consent?"

Chakotay nodded with a smile. "First thing in the morning."

He then drew Kathryn close again and she leant her head on his broad shoulder. She closed her eyes as his arms enfolded her and Chakotay held her tight, wishing he could hold her safe in his arms forever.

**END OF PART ONE**


	3. Regaining Yesterday: Part Two

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER TWO**

**REGAINING YESTERDAY**  
**Part Two**

The senior staff laughed and talked as they piled into the briefing room for what they thought was a routine meeting. Kathryn stood between the window and the table and watched as they all entered and took their seats. Chakotay, who was already seated, could tell she was more worried about what their reaction would be than she was letting on. She was pale, and her fingers kept fidgeting with her commbadge.

Harry approached Kathryn. "Seven and the Doctor can't make it, Captain. Something's come up in sickbay. Something with Icheb, I think."

Kathryn gave a nod. "Thank you for telling me."

At last, everyone was seated and all eyes lay on the captain. Kathryn nervously cleared her throat, and then began to speak.

"Commander Chakotay and I have summoned you here this morning because we would like to discuss something with you." She paused. "As you know, because of our situation, I have lifted the protocol issue regarding personal relationships. Relationships are permitted so long as they are conducted maturely and providing that the Commander and I are informed of any attachments. This is absolutely vital to maintaining professionalism, and so far many crew members have been able to successfully combine both a professional and a personal relationship." She paused uncomfortably. "Commander Chakotay and I ... we ... we have come to realize that we care for each other very much and we would like to pursue a personal relationship."

At this, the senior staff turned to look at each other, but said nothing.

"But before we even consider a relationship, we would like to discuss the matter with you all. We would like to discuss any concerns you may have, answer any questions. We will not enter into a relationship without the consent of this crew."

She waited for at least one question, perhaps even a concern.

But there were none.

The only sound that greeted her ears was amused laughter.

Kathryn stared at her officers in confusion. Her eyes met Harry's and he smiled warmly. "Forgive us, Captain, but we've all long guessed how you and the Commander feel about each other. We've just wondered how long it would take you both to realize it."

Kathryn felt her cheeks blaze from a feeling of foolishness, but she also felt a sense of relief.

Tom got up from his chair and went over to her. "You'll find no opposition from anyone on this ship, Captain. Everyone thinks highly of you and the Commander and would like you to be happy." He glanced at Harry. "You said six months, I said three. That's a months holodeck time you owe me."

The senior officers laughed and Kathryn looked at each and everyone of them. They all smiled warmly at her and she could see that their happiness was genuine. Then her eyes met Tuvok's. Of all her crew members, it was his approval she sought more than any other. Tuvok saw the painful longing in her eyes and stood up. He glanced at Tom. "Be not so precipitous in claiming your prize, Mr Paris. I believe I am the victor."

Tom laughed. "And so you are, Tuvok. I said three months, you said one. How can a man compete with Vulcan logic?"

Kathryn laughed freely now and then gazed at Tuvok. She saw his eyes smile even if his lips did not.

Neelix stood up. "I think we should have a party to celebrate this good news."

Kathryn turned to him... "No, I..."

"No buts, Captain. 19:00 hours in the Mess Hall."

Kathryn was about to protest but the look on Neelix's face told her she was defeated. "Alright," she smiled.

Neelix wandered over to the door. "Now, ladies and gentlemen, I think we should give our Captain and Commander time alone."

Smiling, the officers left one by one. As they did so, Chakotay got to his feet. When the last officer disappeared through the door, Kathryn happily drew Chakotay close.

"They accept us," she said joyfully. "No more barriers, Chakotay. No more parameters..."

Chakotay held her in return and was about to speak when the Doctor's voice sounded over the comm.

"Doctor to Captain Janeway."

At the sound of his voice, Kathryn drew away from Chakotay. "Janeway here."

"You are needed in sickbay immediately."

"I'll be right there," she said, not letting her regret at the interuption show in her voice. "Janeway out." She then smiled warmly at Chakotay. "Meet me for lunch in my quarters, 12.00 hours?"

He nodded with a smile. "I'll be there."

* * *

For the third time, Chakotay asked the computer the minute. It was 12.24 hours. Only ten minutes had passed since his last enquiry, but it seemed an eternity. He got up, took the liberty of replicating a drink, and sat again. At last, Kathryn's voice sounded over the comm.

"Janeway to Chakotay."

He hit his commbadge. "Chakotay here."

"I'm going to have to miss lunch. Seven's cortical node is failing and without a new one she won't survive. The Doctor has determined that Icheb will be able to survive without a node, so he's going to use his. The Doctor's preparing them both for the operation now and will need my assistance."

"Anything I can do?"

"No. Just take the bridge when you've finished lunch. Help yourself to whatever my replicator is in the mood to give you."

Chakotay smiled. "Well, I have to say she's behaving so far."

"Maybe, but she gets you when you least expect it. Be warned. Talk to you later. Janeway out."

Chakotay felt a loneliness consume him as the connection terminated. He missed her already. He got up and went over to the replicator to replicate himself some healthy salad sandwiches. He was pleased to find that his demand was met. He picked up the plate and immediately began to eat. As he did so, he looked around the room. His mind was idle and needed something to occupy it.

He walked over to a painting on the wall and studied it for a few minutes. He then looked around the rest of the room. He looked at it now in a way he had never felt at liberty to do so before and felt himself drawn towards a shelf full of photographs. They were all lined up neatly and encased in a clear frame. Some photographs he had seen before but others were new to him. There were about eight pictures altogether, all seeming to be of Kathryn's family, and there were two pictures of her father, one of him in his uniform, and another of him relaxing in the garden with a black dog at his feet. Chakotay picked up the picture of Admiral Janeway in his uniform and studied him carefully. Kathryn didn't look much like him. His face was broader and his features more pronounced. She looked more like her mother and had the same coloring too.

Chakotay put down his plate on a coffee table behind him and then continued to look through the pictures. There was another of her father and he was standing on a cliff with his arm around a sturdy looking young man with raven black hair. The man was unfamiliar to Chakotay and he passed the picture and went on to the next. It was of the same young man, only this time Kathryn was in the picture with him. They were standing on a white sandy beach and Kathryn had her arm firmly linked with his. He looked a little older than her, perhaps in his late twenties or early thirties, while she looked only about twenty two or twenty three. She was wearing a low cut green sun dress and it was evidently quite windy as she was holding a pretty straw hat on her head. Her long copper hair blew in the wind and soft freckles dusted her cheeks. He noticed there was a large diamond ring on her wedding finger and it suddenly dawned on him that this young man must have been Justin Tighe, her fiancé who was so tragically killed in the accident that also claimed the life of her father.

Kathryn had never mentioned Justin to him or talked much about the accident. The only time she had really mentioned it was following all that had happened with the alien who was impersonating her father. During their moonlight sail, she had told him how devastated she was when he was killed and how she had fallen into a deep depression. For the only time in her life, she had felt there was nothing to live for. She had told him that she didn't know what would have happened to her if she hadn't found a sick puppy abandoned in the snow one evening while taking a walk. Perhaps she would have curled up in the snow to die herself. But nursing the animal had given her a reason to live again.

Chakotay knew from experience the agony of grief, but at the time he had felt there was something Kathryn wasn't telling him. It was almost as though she felt guilty about something, as though there was something more than just grief involved. He had tried to question her, but she had brought up her shields then and changed the subject. As she had already been through enough trauma with the alien, he had not pursued the subject with her. Instead, he resorted to research. He digged deep in Starfleet's database and there he found the terrible truth. Not only was Kathryn's father killed in the accident, but her fiancé, Justin Tighe, aswell. He also learned that Kathryn herself had been in the accident.

The three of them had been test piloting a new shuttle Kathryn's father had helped design when they lost control of it. They crashed into a planet of ice and the only reason Kathryn survived was because she was thrown free of the shuttle on impact. Her father and fiancé were trapped inside and drowned as the shuttle sank beneath sheets of ice. For a long time, Chakotay had struggled with what to do with this knowledge. Should he speak to Kathryn about what had happened? Should he stay silent? In the end he had decided on silence, thinking she would tell him about it if, and when, she was ready.

Chakotay put the picture down, but still gazed at it. Kathryn looked so incredibly happy in it. He wanted her to be that happy again. He wanted so much to take away all the pain he knew she carried inside her. But he didn't know how. She kept so much bottled up, hardly ever told him how she was really feeling. Never had she mentioned being in the accident, never had she mentioned her fiancé, and, until now, had never mentioned what she had suffered at the hands of the Cardassians. He wondered if there was anything else she was keeping from him. If only she would talk to him ... open up to him. But he knew it was going to take time for her to open up completely. She had kept too many feelings to herself for too long.

* * *

The operation on Seven and Icheb was a success and within hours they were both back to their former selves. Neelix's party was still on and Kathryn was getting herself ready in her quarters. Chakotay was picking her up so they could arrive at the party together. She took a long soak in the bath to unwind and then put on an elegant black strapless velvet gown and a little make-up. She wanted to look as beautiful as she could for Chakotay. For so long she had dreamt of being kissed by him and hoped that tonight that dream would come true.

At last the door chime sounded and Kathryn wandered from her bedroom into her living room.

"Come in."

The doors opened and Chakotay came in. She caught her breath at the sight of him. He was dressed in black trousers, a white shirt, and a beautiful fawn waistcoat embroidered with gold and black thread. He walked over to her and smiled, his dimples showing.

"You look beautiful, Kathryn."

She smiled in return. "You too."

He reached inside his waistcoat and pulled out a long black box. He handed it to her. "This is for you."

Kathryn took it with a smile and opened it. Nestled amongst white velvet was a beautiful gold necklace with a heart shaped diamond hanging from it. It sparkled the colors of the rainbow. "It's beautiful, Chakotay," she said, touching it with her fingers, "really beautiful."

"Let me put it on you."

Kathryn turned around and Chakotay put the necklace on her. When it was in place, Kathryn turned back to him and gazed up at him.

"Thank you."

He smiled and kissed her hand. "Shall we go?"

She nodded happily and accepted Chakotay's offered arm.

* * *

The mess hall was crowded when they arrived and as soon as they entered the room, the crew burst into rapturous applause. Kathryn laughed and teasingly raised her hands to her ears. When the applause died down, Tom Paris stepped forward. He was smartly dressed in black trousers and a short sleeved blue shirt and in his hand he held a glass of champagne. Kathryn noticed that everyone else did too.

"On behalf of the crew, Captain, I would like to wish you and the Commander every happiness."

He raised his glass. "Let's all make a toast...To the Captain and Commander. May they live long and prosper!"

The crew raised their glasses. "To the Captain and Commander."

"Thank you," she smiled, deeply touched. It was moments like this that reminded her they truly had become less like a crew and more like a family. "Thank you all."

Chakotay slipped his arm around her waist and it felt so good to finally not have to hide what he felt for this woman. "Of course," he smiled. "I know you all well enough to know that some of you will use any old excuse for a party."

The crowd laughed softly.

"But remember we have a ship to run, so go easy on the champagne. This isn't a wedding...yet."

Again the crowd laughed.

B'Elanna turned to Harry who was fronting a little band of musicians. "Alright, Harry, hit the music!"

He and the band began to play and chatter filled the room as the crew talked amongst themselves. Tom and B'Elanna approached Kathryn and Chakotay.

"We have a little surprise for you both," B'Elanna smiled. "Tom and I have arranged everything so that you can both take the weekend off and have Holodeck Two all to yourselves."

Kathryn's immediate response was to protest. A whole weekend off? She couldn't possibly leave the crew fend for themselves for a whole weekend! But B'Elanna's face was shining with pride and happiness and Kathryn couldn't bring herself to disappoint her. She always told her crew that her faith in them was absolute, now it was time to show them. She smiled. "That's a wonderful surprise, thank you."

* * *

At just after eleven, the party drew to a close. Kathryn and Chakotay retired to her quarters, and as soon as the doors shut behind them, Kathryn scooped Chakotay in her arms. "I had a wonderful time, tonight, wonderful."

Chakotay smiled. "So did I."

He held her close a moment but then drew her slightly away from him.

"This weekend, Kathryn. How do you really feel about it?"

Kathryn slipped her arms around his neck. "I think it's a wonderful idea, just what we need."

"Really?"

She smiled. "Really. I'm always telling the crew I trust them. Now is the time to show them that I do."

Chakotay smiled. "What would you like to do? We only have tomorrow to plan everything."

"I would like to take a trip to the mountains...to a log cabin in snowy Switzerland."

Chakotay bit his lip, concern welling inside. Snow, ice, it could only bring back bad memories. Knowing Kathryn as well as he did, he suspected this was her intention. She wanted to make a final peace with the past so she could completely embrace the future.

"Is that such a good idea, Kathryn?"

Kathryn flinched. There was something in the way he said that, something in the way he looked at her, that made her suspect he knew all about the accident that had claimed the life of her father and fiancé. But he couldn't know. It was impossible.

"Yes, Chakotay," she smiled. "It will be so romantic. A log cabin, a great big fire in the hearth...just the two of us..."

Her eyes were sparkling and the joy in them allayed Chakotay's fears. Perhaps he was wrong. She was found unconscious after the accident and would have no recollection of the ice. And a log cabin the mountains did sound idyllic. "Very romantic," he smiled.

He gazed into her eyes and for a moment lost himself in them. He wanted to bridge the gap between them and kiss her, but he held back. He wasn't sure if she was ready for that.

Kathryn read his thoughts and secured her arms tighter around his neck.

"You can kiss me," she whispered. "I would like you to kiss me."

Chakotay brushed his fingers against her cheek. "I just want you to be completely comfortable, Kathryn. What you went through it was...words can't describe it. I want us to take things at your pace. I'm happy just to be with you."

"The Cardassians have taken too much from us already, Chakotay. They won't take this too." She paused. "And the hardest part to come to terms with wasn't so much what they had done to me but what I saw them do to others. I saw them rape and murder before my eyes and there was nothing I could do to stop them. When it was my turn I was glad because it meant someone else didn't have to suffer." She paused. "I needed time to come to terms with what had happened and I did eventually, in my own time and my own way. I know what a beautiful thing it is to make love with someone you love and who loves you. I know the difference between that and what the Cardassians did to me. There's no comparison." She smiled softly. "I want this for us, Chakotay. I want it so much."

Chakotay took her hand in his and kissed it softly. He couldn't believe all the suffering there had been in her life. There had been too much pain and not enough joy. But he was determined to change that.

"So do I," he whispered.

Kathryn fixed her arms around his neck again. "And this weekend will be the perfect time." She paused. "But right now I would like you to kiss me."

They gazed deep into each others eyes and then Chakotay gently tilted her face towards his. Then slowly, gently, he brought his lips down to hers and kissed her with infinite tenderness. A tear trickled down her cheek and met with the diamond heart around her neck.

* * *

The luxury log cabin was beautifully situated high upon a mountain and views of the snowy surroundings were panoramic. Inside there was a roaring fire burning in the hearth, a large fur rug before it, and comfortable looking chairs scattered all around. Chakotay had designed everything himself and Kathryn laughed to see a replicator in a dark corner of the room. It looked so out of place in this quaint setting.

"A necessary convenience," Chakotay smiled.

Kathryn was ready to explore the rest of this little paradise. "So, where are we to sleep?"

Chakotay went over to one of the doors and opened it. "This is our bedroom, luxury ensuite."

Kathryn stepped through the doorway and looked around the room in complete delight. It was everything she could have imagined and more. There was a large pine double bed opposite the window and it was covered in the most beautiful burgundy and cream patchwork quilt. Matching curtains hung at the window and were tied back neatly allowing the sunlight to flood in. There was a pine table beneath the window and in the far corner of the room there was a comfortable looking chair with burgundy cushions. There were two bedside tables, one at each side of the bed, and upon them, matching gold lamps. Above the bed was a dreamcatcher and at the foot of it was an exquisite cream faux fur rug.

"It's beautiful," Kathryn smiled. "Beautiful."

Chakotay smiled and opened a little door that led from the bedroom to the bathroom.

"And this is the bathroom."

Kathryn stepped inside and gasped when she saw the bathtub. It was made of crystal and shaped like a heart.

Chakotay lay his hand on her shoulder. "Like it?"

Kathryn turned to face him and slipped her arms around his neck.

"Like it?" She exclaimed. "I love it. I love all of it." She gazed deep into his eyes. "But no bathtub could ever compare to the one you made me with love."

Chakotay smiled and Kathryn raised her lips to his in a tender kiss.

* * *

Kathryn and Chakotay spent the afternoon walking in the mountains and enjoying the beautiful scenery. There was a lake close to their cabin that had water as clear as crystal and fast flowing river that made a waterfall as it gushed down the rocky mountainside. One of the benefits of the holodeck was that they could have the beauty of winter without the overbearing chill. Chakotay knew that Kathryn wanted snow, but for some reason he still felt uneasy about that. To be on the safe side, he had programmed it for the evening when they would be inside the log cabin. Until then, they could enjoy the ever green scenery of the Swiss mountains.

It was late afternoon when they returned to the cabin. Chakotay replicated a pint of beer for himself and Kathryn ... synthesol, just incase there should be an emergency...and they sat on the couch to drink it. Kathryn cuddled up to him.

"What are we going to have for dinner?"

"I thought we could have a traditional Swiss meal."

Kathryn smiled. "Traditional Swiss meal...what is that exactly?"

"Cheese fondue served with vegetables, meat, or bread. As a vegetarian I thought we'd go for the vegetables."

"Naturally."

"Various Swiss cheeses are blended to make the fondue and white wine, brandy, and spices are added."

"Sounds delicious. What's a traditional Swiss dessert?"

"Coupe Nesselrode. It's made from chestnut puree and served with meringue, fresh cream, and vanilla ice cream." He smiled. "Of course, we can always cheat and have coffee ice cream instead."

Kathryn laughed softly. "Sounds good to me." She gazed deep into his eyes and then kissed his lips tenderly.

At last, Chakotay broke away. He put his hand on her arm and caressed her gently.

"Finish your drink and then go and take a soak in the bath while I prepare dinner."

Kathryn took his hand in hers and her eyes protested. "You're spoiling me, Chakotay."

He brushed his fingers against her cheek and then kissed her forehead.

"Then get used to it," he smiled, "because I intend to spoil you a great deal more."

* * *

It was dark by the time the meal was over, and Kathryn and Chakotay lay in each others arms on cushions before the fire, the soft rug beneath them. The bronze flames were the only source of light and gave the room a cozy glow.

"I could stay here like this forever," Kathryn said with a contented smile.

"So could I."

"I'm so happy, Chakotay. I can't remember the last time I was this happy."

"I never thought I could be this happy," he said honestly.

Kathryn raised herself to look at him. "Has the angry warrior finally found true peace?"

He nodded and touched her face. "And a love he never thought could exist."

Kathryn traced the course of his tattoo with her finger and then lowered her lips to his.

They kissed tenderly, kissed long.

When at last they drew away, Kathryn noticed it was snowing outside.

"It's snowing," she smiled.

She got up and went over to the large window. Chakotay followed her and slipped his arms around her from behind. She leant back against him and they watched the snow fall together. The white flakes danced in the soft wind and fell silently to the ground, covering it in a white winter blanket.

"When I was a little girl," Kathryn said, "I would sit on the window ledge in my bedroom and watch the snow fall until the early hours of the morning. My little spaniel, Venus, would sit with me. At first light I would grab my coat, scarf and gloves, put Venus in her doggie coat, and venture into the winter wonderland."

"Would you build a snowman?"

"Oh yes, and a snowlady to keep him company. Mr Snow would have a blue hat and scarf, and Mrs Snow would have a pink one. I'd build them a snowdog too, a Scottish Terrier called Snowy." She paused, remembering. "What about you?"

"Oh," Chakotay smiled, "I'd be too busy having snow fights."

Kathryn laughed softly.

Chakotay entwined his hands with hers. "What would you like to do tomorrow? Go ice skating, or skiing, or take a cable car ride?"

He felt Kathryn stiffen in his arms and her reply was a moment in coming. "Skiing," she said quietly. "Yes, skiing."

Chakotay broke away from Kathryn and gently turned her towards him. "I may have found my inner peace, but your soul is still searching, isn't it?"

Kathryn flinched. "What do you mean?"

"The snow ... the ice ... You want to lay old ghosts to rest. Ghosts that have haunted you for years. You think that here, with me, you can face that battle and finally let the past rest in peace."

Kathryn lowered her eyes. "You know, don't you?"

He nodded.

"How long?"

"Over three years. I wanted to know more about how your father died after everything that had happened with that alien who was impersonating him. I did some research and found out everything I needed to know." He paused. "I'm so sorry, Kathryn."

Kathryn wandered back over to the gray stone fireplace and stood before the roaring fire. Her copper hair shone bronze in the firelight.

"You're right," she said quietly. "I was hoping to make peace with the past this weekend."

There was a long silence. Chakotay wanted to go over to her, comfort her, but if he pushed too hard, she would bring up her shields and it would be impossible to reach her. He knew that keeping a distance, keeping a silence, was the best way of getting her to open up to him.

"I don't really like to ski. I don't know why I told you that I did. Because I thought it was easiest, I suppose. No questions then, just that I didn't want to." She paused. "Ever since the accident I've hated snow ... hated the ice ... the whiteness ... It would just remind me of what happened. And yet ... and yet I was drawn to it too ... It would make me feel closer to them ... the coldness ... the feeling of death ... it gave me a sense of suffering the way they had. That night I once told you about, the night I walked into a blizzard and thought of curling up in the snow to die, it was because of this. I wanted to die like them. I wanted to lie down and freeze like they had frozen, wanted to share in their fate..." She paused again. "I haven't been out in the snow since ... at least not if I didn't have too. I feel as though I will suffocate ... that my soul will scream and never stop. I thought that here, with you, I could let go ... not be afraid anymore." She turned to Chakotay, infinite pain in her eyes. "It's my fault my father and fiancé died, Chakotay."

Chakotay slowly bridged the gap between them.

"How can it be your fault, Kathryn? It was an accident."

"Because they weren't killed on impact as everyone thinks. They died because I couldn't save them."

Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "Come and sit down. Tell me what happened."

He led her over to the couch and they sat close together.

"It was the week before our wedding," Kathryn began. "We, Justin and I, were accompanying my father on the first long range flight of a shuttle he had helped design. It was a fine ship, designed to withstand a whole variety of battle conditions and even had warp thrusters. I didn't want to go that afternoon. Justin and I were getting married in a month's time and there was so much to organize. But Justin was so excited about the shuttle and wanted us to go so badly that I gave into him." She paused, struggling with the memory. "Everything was going as it should have and we were about to go home when solar winds came out of no where..." She closed her eyes, desperately trying to shut out the horror of the moment. "There was so much noise, so much turbulence. Father was shouting, Justin too. And then ... And then nothing. The next thing I remember is waking up on a bed of snow ... so cold, the ice choking me ... I didn't know what had happened ... couldn't remember ... not even who I was ...There were mountains of ice all around ... an ocean glazed over ... and pieces of ship everywhere. I tried hard to remember, tried to make sense of it ... but I couldn't...And then I saw the ship's cabin jutting out of the iced ocean. There were two people trapped inside and suddenly everything came back to me. I realized that I had been thrown free of the shuttle somehow and that those two people inside were Father and Justin." She paused. "I knew I had to help them, do something, but I couldn't get to the cabin. I could hardly move. I saw a console nearby, saw that it was still alight, and dragged my body over to it." She looked away, the memory hurting. "But there was only enough power to transport one of them, Chakotay, just one. How could I chose? I couldn't choose. So I tried to save both of them ... I did everything ... everything that I could think of, but nothing worked ... Then the console failed and the shuttle it... it sank."

A tear ran down her cheek and Chakotay took her hand in his.

"There would have been no power, Kathryn," he said kindly. "The ship was in pieces, all parts severed from the other. What you saw, the console lights, it was the flicker before extinction. There would have been enough energy within it to keep it illuminated, but there would have been no power, no power."

Kathryn looked up at him at those words and tears flooded her eyes as she realised he was right.

"There's nothing you could have done, Kathryn. Nothing."

He gently gathered her close and they nestled together in the firelight.

"I should have realized there was no power," Kathryn said agyer a while. "Why didn't I realize that?"

"All kinds of reasons. You were badly injured, in shock, and you wanted to save your father and fiancé so much that you convinced yourself the console was working."

"I blanked it all out," she continued. "For years I couldn't remember. All I remembered was waking up, choking on snow, seeing the shuttle lost beneath a bed of ice. The next thing I remembered was being in hospital ... bright lights ... so much white. Everything was hazy for a while, but then I saw my sister sitting beside me. She was holding my hand, crying. I asked about Justin, about Daddy, but she said nothing at first. Then she told me they were dead. I screamed, Chakotay ... I just screamed."

"I'm sorry, Kathryn. I'm so sorry."

"It was years before I remembered ... not until Tuvok and his away team were stranded on a planet five years ago. I don't know why I remembered then, but I did. I remembered in my dreams. It all made sense then ... my fear of the snow ... the whiteness. And the guilt, the overwhelming guilt that had weighed on me since it happened." She drew away from Chakotay. "Since then I've tried to cope with it all, how I failed my father and Justin and how I failed the crew by stranding Voyager in the Delta Quadrant. It's been so hard, Chakotay. Sometimes I wished I was dead."

Chakotay had often wondered that. She was always too ready to sacrifice herself for the crew, always too eager to go on suicide missions...

"Did you talk to the Doctor? Tell him what happened?"

"No. I wanted to. But I couldn't. Not even when Ensign Jetrel died because he chose to save Harry. "

"Instead you chose to erase his memory of events so that he would be spared your torment."

She nodded. "But it wasn't the answer. It only made things worse."

Chakotay looked at her sadly. "I wish you had come to me, talked to me."

"We weren't so close then, and I didn't want to think about it. I just got on with captaining the ship and trying to get the crew home."

Chakotay took her hand in his. "Destroying the array to save the Ocampa was the only thing we could have done. You shouldn't feel guilty. You did what was right."

"I know," she answered. "I just can't help thinking there were other ways of destroying it, ways that would have allowed us to still go home. But there was so little time, so much at stake. Destroying the array was the only way to make sure the Kazon didn't get their hands on it." She paused. "And while it sounds crazy, I can't deny that despite all the responsibility, the risks and the overwheming burder, a part of me is glad we got stranded. We've touched so many lives, see so many things..." She looked up at him. "And brought special people into our lives."

"It doesn't sound crazy at all," Chakotay said kindly. "I'm glad we got stranded, so glad you came into my life..."

Kathryn smiled warmly as she looked into his eyes. Then she spoke. "A picnic..."

Chakotay frowned, not understanding.

"Tomorrow. You asked what I would like to do tomorrow."

"Ah," he smiled.

"I'd like to take a picnic by the lake... the sun shining, blue skies, a perfect summer's day."

Chakotay understood her meaning. Finally she was letting the past the go. "Then we'll we do that," he said kindly.

Kathryn let go of his hand and got to her feet. "But first there's something I'd like to do."

* * *

Chakotay waited in the snowfall as Kathryn stood in the narrow doorway and gazed up at the black sky. Flakes of ice fell on her face, tangled in her eyelashes. She looked around her and then her eyes met Chakotay's. He smiled reassuringly and offered her his arm. She took it and stepped into the white wilderness.

They slowly made their way through the snow to the lake. Kathryn clutched Chakotay's arm tighter the further they wandered from the cabin but it was the only sign of the battle taking place within. Chakotay talked to her, tried to make the walk as natural as possible, and Kathryn used his voice as anchor to keep her in the present.

At last they reached the lake. They stopped a little before it and Kathryn gazed at the frozen water before her. Memories of the frozen ocean that had claimed the lives of her father and fiancé flashed before her and for a moment she thought she heard them calling. Chakotay watched her walk towards the edge of the lake and knew the ghosts were near. He bridged the gap between them and stood at her side. He put his arm around her and took her hand in his and held it tight.

"No one we love ever really leaves us, Kathryn. They're always with us, watching over us."

Kathryn turned to him, and looked up at him. There was a longing in her eyes, the desire to believe. "Do you really believe that, Chakotay?"

"Yes I do," he said gently. "I believe we all have a soul, a spirit that makes us individuals. I believe our spirit lives on after death...invisible...like the wind."

He took her hands in his. "Close your eyes, Kathryn."

She closed her eyes.

"Feel the wind against your face ... feel its power. "

She turned into the wind, let it flow through her.

"We can't see it, but it's there, Kathryn ... all around us..."

"Yes," she smiled, "I feel it."

"Our spirit lives on in a world that is invisible and it lives on in the hearts of those who loved us. As long as you remember your father and Justin, and the love you shared with them, that love will always be with you ... locked safe within your heart."

Kathryn's lips broke into a smile and her face glowed serenely.

"I remember," she whispered, "I remember."

She opened her eyes and the happiness in them was dazzling. Chakotay gathered her close and she eagerly returned his embrace. At last, at long, long, last, she was at peace.

* * *

A full moon shone brightly against a sky full of stars. Beneath the moon were snow capped mountains that descended into black forests. It was a beautiful sight and Kathryn couldn't help gaze out at it for a moment from the log cabin's bathroom window. She then turned to the long mirror that graced the wall and began to comb her hair. Short hair was so much easier to keep than long hair, but a part of her missed having long hair. There was so much more she could do with it. Perhaps she would grow it again. Not so long that it almost reached her waist, but long enough so that it flowed over her shoulders. She put down her comb and then looked at herself in the mirror. The low cut blue satin nightdress she was wearing shimmered beautifully in the light and seemed to enhance the natural blue of her eyes.

There was just one last thing she had to do before dedicating the rest of the night completely to herself and Chakotay. She reached into her soap bag and pulled out a commbadge.

"Janeway to Tuvok," she said, as quietly as she could so that Chakotay wouldn't hear.

Tuvok's voice answered. "Go ahead, Captain."

"Is all well with the ship?"

"Yes, Captain."

"There are no anomalies nearby or aliens in the vicinity?"

"None whatsoever, Captain."

Kathryn smiled. "Very well, Janeway out."

The connection terminated and Kathryn put away her commbadge.

She glanced at herself again in the mirror and then left the room.

* * *

Kathryn gasped when she entered the bedroom. The curtains were closed and candles bathed the room in a soft golden light. On one of the bedside tables was a beautiful vase of red roses and on the other was a bottle of champagne and two crystal glasses. The table below the window was decorated with a white tablecloth and Kathryn looked at the objects on top of it curiously. There was a crystal bowl filled with water, a white towel, and what appeared to be a crystal jar containing a white creamy substance.

Chakotay stood beside the table, dressed only in a white robe, and picked up the jar.

"This hand lotion contains seeds of Wild Columbine," he said. "It's a plant much honored by my people and symbolic of love. In days of old, a man of my people would grind the seeds into powder and cover his hands with it. Then he would hold the hands of the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and cover her hands with it too. Afterwards they would wash their hands together and this was thought to bless them with a long, happy, life together." He smiled softly. "I would like to share that tradition with you."

Kathryn smiled in return. "And I would like you to share it with me."

Chakotay opened the jar and dipped his fingers into the lotion. He rubbed his hands together, covering them with the thick white cream. He then put down the jar and held his hands ou to Kathryn. She went over to him and he took her hands in his. He held them a moment and then began to caress her fingers as he rubbed the lotion into her skin. His touch was soft, gentle, soothing, and Kathryn was aware of nothing but him and the beautiful fragrance of the lotion.

"Now we wash our hands together," he said after a while, and guided her hands to the bowl of water on the table. He washed her hands gently, sensually, and she responded by washing his. Then Chakotay reached for the towel and just as tenderly they dried each others hands.

When they were finished, they put down the towel and gazed deep into each others eyes.

"I love you," Kathryn whispered. "I really, really love you."

Chakotay smiled. "I love you too."

His arms encircled her and she could hardly breathe as he drew her against him. As his lips descended on hers, she closed her eyes and let her body melt into his.

**END OF PART TWO**


	4. Counterpart

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER THREE**

**COUNTERPART**

"Coffee, black."

A cup of steaming hot coffee instantly materialized, and Kathryn picked it up, savoring the aroma. Outside the ready room window, stars flew by at warp speed, and Kathryn gazed at them a moment before making her way to her desk. Just as she was about to sit down, the doors opened and Chakotay came in. Kathryn smiled warmly. "Good morning."

Chakotay smiled in return. "Good morning."

Kathryn put down the cup in her hands and walked towards him, her eyes sparking as she looked into his. There was a glow on Chakotay's face too, a distinct happiness. He pulled out a bunch of red roses from behind his back and handed them to her.

"I won some replica rations at cards," he smiled.

Kathryn took the flowers gratefully. "They're beautiful, Chakotay. Thank you." She looked up at him. "I'll put them in water." She went over to the replicator and replicated a small crystal vase with water. After it materialized, she carried it over to her desk and carefully began to put the roses inside.

"I was thinking," she said as she worked, "how would you like to go for a moonlight sail tonight? I have some holodeck time reserved and we haven't been for...I can't remember how long."

"I would love too," Chakotay replied.

Tuvok's voice suddenly sounded. "Tuvok to Captain Janeway."

Kathryn responded. "Go ahead."

"We have an incoming transmission."

"Acknowledge and divert it to my ready room."

Kathryn went over to her chair, sat down, and switched on her monitor. Seconds later, a thin alien man appeared who had white skin, forehead ridges, long white hair, and pale blue eyes.

"Greetings," he said in a friendly voice. "You are about to enter Soruk space. Please state your identity, destination, and reason for entering our territory."

"I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager," Kathryn began. "We're an alone ship trying to make our way home. We have a long way to go and need to take the shortest possible route."

The alien worked a console before him, and then spoke. "Our scans confirm that you are an alone ship and that your technology is far less advanced than ours. We therefore grant you passage through our space and are submitting you a map of our boundaries and travel regulations."

The monitor beeped as the map was received. "Documents received," Kathryn replied. "Thank you."

"Any violation of our regulations will be punished," he continued. "This is necessary for our protection."

"Understood," Kathryn replied. "I wonder," she then said asked hopefully, "if you would be able to help us at all? Our journey home will take many years. Perhaps, with your technological advancement, you have technology that will get us there faster."

"I'm sorry," the man replied. "We are not allowed to share our technology with travelers. It would compromise our security."

Disappointment filled Kathryn's eyes. "I understand."

"Good day."

"Good day," she replied.

The connection terminated and Kathryn looked up at Chakotay. "Oh well, worth a try!"

"Certainly that," Chakotay answered. "And at least they're allowing us safe passage. Given all the hostile species we're encountered in this quadrant, that's a lot to be grateful for."

Kathryn smiled. "Absolutely."

* * *

Tranquil waves lapped "The Indiana" and a beautiful silver moon shone down on the small boat from a sky full of stars.

On the deck, Kathryn and Chakotay sat opposite each other at a picnic table and talked as they ate their meal. Kathryn was wearing an elegant blue summer dress, and Chakotay was dressed in a cream shirt and brown pants. A white table cloth lay beneath the array of dishes between them, and holographic white candles cast a warm glow all around.

"It's so peaceful here," Kathryn said, looking out at the water as Chakotay topped up their glasses of synthesol champagne. "I can almost believe we're really on Lake George..."

Chakotay knew that from Kathryn the "almost" was a sign that she was beginning to relax. "Perhaps one day we can do the real thing," he smiled.

"Wouldn't that be wonderful?" A dullness then began to set in her bright eyes. "That's the only place I would rather be right now than here...on the real Lake George with you."

Chakotay put down the bottle of Champagne and reached for her hand. "My grandfather used to say that it's not so much where you are that matters, but who you're with. We can have just as good a time here as we could on the real Lake George."

"It's just so hard to relax," Kathryn replied. "No matter how much I try, I can't forget that we're in the middle of the Delta Quadrant and over a hundred people are depending on me for their survival." She paused. "If we were on the real Lake George, then it would be so different. There would be no responsibilities, no restraint. You and I could dine in the moonlight until midnight and then make love until dawn. But right now we're in occupied space and I could get called to the bridge any moment. All I can do is dine with you..."

Chakotay squeezed her hand. "And I'm enjoying every moment. Instead of thinking about what we're missing, let's just think about what we have. We'll be in safe space again soon and these times that we can't be intimate will just make those times that we can be all the more special."

Kathryn smiled at that and squeezed his hand in return.

* * *

The following morning, Kathryn stopped at the mess hall for breakfast before making her way to the bridge. Neelix was busy serving pancakes, toast, cereal and cooked foods, and Kathryn was surprised to find Seven helping him.

"I didn't know you had aspirations to be a waitress," Kathryn teased as Seven approached her to take her order.

"Mornings in the mess hall are busy," Seven said seriously. "I have been assisting Mr Neelix for some time now. If you breakfasted here regularly, you would have been aware of that."

"I meant no offence," Kathryn smiled. "I think it's wonderful you're helping Neelix."

Seven turned to the padd in her hand. "May I take your order?"

"Just some pancakes with maple syrup and a coffee," Kathryn replied.

"Is that black or white coffee?"

"Black," Kathryn smiled.

"Then clearly state your preference when ordering, Captain. Otherwise it leads to confusion when there are several varieties of the same product available."

Neelix interrupted. "I think when the Captain says coffee, it is safe to assume she means black."

Tom's voice suddenly sounded over the comm.

"Paris to Janeway."

Kathryn hit her commbadge. "Go ahead."

"I think you should come to the bridge."

"On my way."

As the connection terminated, Kathryn got to her feet. "Looks like the pancakes will have to wait." She put her hand on Seven's shoulder. "And Mr Neelix is right. When I say coffee, I invariably mean black."

She smiled warmly at the former drone, and then left the room.

* * *

"Report," Kathryn said as she entered the bridge.

At the sound of her voice, Tom turned to her from the helm. "Maybe I'm just being paranoid, Captain, but it seems to me that ships are closing in on us from all directions."

Kathryn went over to Tuvok's vacant console and performed a scan of local space.

"I'd say if you're paranoid, it's with good reason." She worked her console. "I'm hailing what appears to be their lead vessel."

"What I don't understand is, why come after us now? Another twenty minutes and we'll be out of their space."

"I don't know," Kathryn replied. "But so far this species has been friendly. There may be another motive for their actions."

"A grand farewell?"

"Perhaps." She frowned as there was no response from the ship. "But I'm not getting a reply." She worked the console again. "I don't like the look of this. I'm putting the ship at red alert." Seconds later, the ship went to red alert. As it did so, Kathryn hit her commbadge. "Janeway to all, take up your stations and await further instructions. I repeat. Janeway to all, take up your stations and await further instructions."

Chakotay entered the bridge. "I was just on my way, what's happening?"

"Soruk ships are closing in on us," Kathryn replied. "I've tried hailing their lead vessel to find out what is going on, but I'm not getting..." She stopped as the ship shook violently and she was thrown against the console.

As she straightened herself up, three aliens materialized before her. They were all dressed in black outfits and resembled the man she had talked to over the comm.

The middle man spoke. "Just a friendly jolt to announce our arrival," he said, his throne threatening, yet not totally hostile.

Kathryn questioned. "What's going on? We thought we had safe passage through this space."

"That was until we were informed of the threat you pose."

"What threat? Informed by whom?"

Suddenly, another man materialized, and Kathryn gasped when she recognized him.

"Kashyk."

The handsome Devorean smiled. "We meet again, Captain Janeway."

"What are you doing in this region of space?"

"Yes," he said, stepping closer, "that question must be very prominent in your mind. Given the limitations of Devorean technology, you must have thought you'd left me well and truly behind." He paused. "But sometimes things don't go quite as we planned, Captain. The Soruk have recently become our allies and have shared with us their more advanced technology. A wormhole corridor has been established between our two worlds and our people come and go as they please. For the past four months, I've been working here in the Soruk empire. How pleasantly surprised I was then to hear that Voyager was in the vicinity."

"What have you told them about us?"

"The truth, Captain."

"Which is?"

"That you cannot be trusted." His eyes gleamed as he continued. "That it's been reported you deliberately pollute occupied space with an invisible pathogen that kills all civilizations within a certain distance. Consequently, I have been sent to investigate. If we discover you are indeed polluting this space, you, your ship and your crew will be destroyed. If, however, we find the tale is untrue, you will be allowed to continue your journey."

Kathryn left the console now and approached Kashyk. " What's this about, Kashyk? What game are you playing?"

He laughed softly. "One I think I am going to enjoy." He sobered. "You think you are so clever, so unassailable, but this time, you are the one who is in losing position. The Soruk trust me. I'm one of the principal Devoreans in this empire. My influence is such that I have the power to either allow you safe passage through this space, or have you and your crew destroyed. This time, you will do what I want."

"And what is it you want?"

Kashyk stepped even closer, his body just inches away from hers. "I want delivery."

From the way he was looking at her, from the fire in his eyes, Kathryn understood instantly what he meant. Her stomach churned at the thought, but outwardly she maintained control. She gestured to her ready room, not wanting to discuss this in public and certainly not in front of Chakotay.

"My ready room."

She began to walk to the ready room, and Kashyk followed after giving his men orders to begin searching the ship. Chakotay also tried to accompany them, but Kathryn stopped him.

"You stay on the bridge..."

"But..."

"Tuvok will accompany me. I need you on the bridge." She glanced at Tuvok who had just arrived on the bridge. "Tuvok, you come with me."

Having no choice but to obey, Chakotay reluctantly remained on the bridge and watched as Kathryn disappeared into her ready room with Kashyk and Tuvok.

* * *

Inside her ready room, Kathryn turned to Kashyk. "I knew from the first moment I met you that I couldn't trust you. But if you have any decency at all, you will take back what you just said to me."

Kashyk scoffed. "If I had any decency at all, I would never have been in the business of catching telepaths. One life, many lives, it means nothing to me. You just believed I could change, that I could be sorry for the lives I have taken, because you want to believe the best of everyone, that somewhere in everyone's heart is a goodness that just needs to be nourished. But the truth is, my heart is cold." He pulled out his phaser and pointed it at Kathryn. "I can kill you just as easily as I can make love to you. It all means nothing to me."

Kathryn held his gaze. "Then why don't you kill me?"

"Because there would be no fun in it," he said, putting his phaser away again. "Even killing gets boring after a while." He put his hand to Kathryn's hair and skimmed it lightly with his fingers. "I want you, Kathryn. I've wanted you since the first day I met you. No more games. You give me what I want, and in return, I'll let you and your crew pass through this territory unharmed."

"And if I don't?"

"We'll destroy your ship."

Kathryn swallowed. "You deceived me before. How can I trust you now?"

Kashyk smirked. "Because you have no choice."

Kathryn glanced at Tuvok and then back at the hostile man before her. "Alright," she said, trying to appear as tough as she could. "I'll do what you want. But not here, not on my ship."

Kashyk smiled. "I knew you would be...reasonable." As he spoke, a circular badge on his black coat buzzed and flashed orange. "I am wanted in the senate," he said. "I'll be back for you as soon as I can. In the meantime, my men will search your ship."

With that, he clicked his fingers and disappeared.

When he was gone, Kathryn turned to Tuvok. "Looks like it's time."

* * *

The bridge was teeming with Soruk when Kathryn returned there a few minutes later. Some were operating consoles and others were performing scans with what looked like advanced tricorders.

"You will find nothing," Kathryn said defiantly.

One of the men who had accompanied Kashyk, addressed her. "Then you can have no objection to our search."

Chakotay approached her. "Where's Kashyk?"

"He had to leave," Kathryn answered. "But he'll back..."

"What did he mean he wants delivery?"

Kathryn looked away from his enquiring gaze. "I don't have time to discuss this right nowm Chakotay. I need to get to sickbay."

Before Chakotay could say anything else, she was gone.

* * *

When Kathryn returned to her ready room half an hour later, Chakotay was waiting.

"You're supposed to be on the bridge," Kathryn said firmly.

"I want answers, Kathryn," he said, getting to his feet. "What did he mean he wants delivery?"

"I don't want to discuss this."

"Well that's too bad, because I do! What does he want?"

"What happened between Kashyk and I was between the Captain of this ship and him. It's none of your business!"

"I'm first officer of this ship," Chakotay argued, "and I'm your lover. I'd say what you discussed was relevant to me on both counts!"

Kathryn flinched as he perfectly hit the spot. She hadn't expected that...

"I saw the way he looked at you, Kathryn. What did he say? One night with him and he lets us all live?"

"I said I'm not discussing this..."

She turned to leave, but Chakotay caught her arm. "You damn well are discussing this, Kathryn! That's what he said, isn't it?"

"Yes," Kathryn cried, shaking herself loose. "Yes, that's what he said. I sleep with him and we all go free!"

Pain contorted Chakotay's face at her words and the agony in his eyes was terrible to see.

"You're not doing it," he cried, "no way..."

Kathryn was just about to speak when Kashyk materialized.

"As you see I have returned," he said. "A most unfortunate interruption, but I can assure you it will be our last today." He paused. "All my ships have powered up weapons. I meant what I said. If you don't give me what I want, I will destroy your ship and your crew with it."

Chakotay stepped forward angrily. "You lay one finger on her and I'll..."

Kashyk interrupted. "And you'll what? You may not have noticed, but you're out numbered, Commander."

"What you're asking is sick. What kind of perverted bastard are you?"

Kashyk laughed. "You know how it is, Commander. After so many nights away from home, a man feels the need for...what should I say...release? And your Captain and I have...unfinished business."

Kathryn spoke. "You never told me you have a wife."

"No," he smirked. "It simply didn't serve my agenda." He paused. "Now, let's get to the business at hand. I'm due at Carvara Lorn in the morning."

Chakotay pulled out his phaser. "I mean it. You touch her and I'll kill you."

Kashyk laughed again. "Too late, Commander." He clicked his fingers and he and Kathryn disappeared.

* * *

Seconds later, Kathryn rematerialized on the bridge of Kashyk's ship.

"Welcome to my ship," Kashyk said.

Kathryn looked around. It wasn't a large bridge, much smaller than Voyager's, but the technology looked very advanced.

"Smaller than I thought," Kathryn said icily.

Kashyk laughed. "You'll soon see there are some departments in which I am very large."

Kathryn swallowed and tried not to show the growing fear she felt. Things weren't exactly going to plan...

Then, a violent jolt shook the ship and, as it did so, a wave of relief consumed her.

Kashyk questioned urgently. "What was that?"

One of his crewmen answered. "It came from Voyager."

Kashyk turned to Kathryn defensively but before he could speak, she hit her commbadge. "Janeway to Voyager. Refrain from all acts of aggression. I repeat, refrain from all acts of aggression. Janeway out." As the connection terminated, she looked up at Kashyk. "I'm sorry. It won't happen again. My guess is one of my senior officers wanted to disable your primary systems to guarantee my safety."

Kashyk turned to his crewman again. "Damage?"

"Minor, but all primary systems are offline. We're running on reserves, life support and critical systems only."

Kashyk looked at her curiously. "If I knew you better, I'd be able to conclude whether they were acting on order."

"If I knew you better," Kathryn replied. "I would be able to conclude whether such an order were necessary."

Kashyk's mouth turned up in a crooked smile, and then he laughed softly. "You're a daring one, I'll give you that. It's too bad there aren't more women like you around here. They'd make life more interesting, that's for sure." He then turned to address his small crew. "Lorukil will be in command until further notice. Take your orders from him. I am not to be disturbed. Understood?"

The crew nodded their understanding. Kashyk turned to face Kathryn and smiled. "I'll show you to my quarters."

He began to walk towards the door, and Kathryn followed.

* * *

Two hours later, Kashyk lay in his bed, his hands behind his head, and a black sheet partially draped over his body. He watched as Kathryn put on her uniform, his eyes gleaming.

When she was done, Kathryn turned towards him. "You got what you wanted. Now let me and Voyager go."

Kashyk sat up a little, enjoying every moment of this. "You know I have the power to keep you here forever if I want."

"Yes," Kathryn replied, holding his stare. "I know that."

Kashyk turned to a table beside the bed, and lit up what looked like a cigarette. He took a puff and then exhaled.

"But as much as I enjoyed our little tryst," he said, "keeping you on as a permanent fixture might annoy my wife." He laughed at his own joke and then sobered. "You may return to your ship. I'll recall my men and send word to the senate that you are no threat. You'll be able to leave shortly."

"I will say goodbye then," Kathryn said firmly.

He smiled. "It has been my... pleasure..."

As he laughed again, Kathryn hit her commbadge. "Janeway to Voyager. Beam me up."

* * *

Kathryn materialized in transporter room one to find only Tuvok there. She turned to look at him.

"Mission accomplished?"

Tuvok gave a nod.

"How long was I gone?"

"Precisely 135 minutes."

Tom's voice spoke over the comm. "Paris to Tuvok. The Soruk have all transported off the ship. Is the Captain back with us?"

Kathryn smiled. "The Captain is back." She paused briefly. " When I give the order, get us out of here, maximum warp."

"Yes Ma'am," Tom said.

The connection terminated and Tuvok spoke. "It may be wise for you to go to your ready room, Captain. The Soruk will most likely contact us at any moment to tell us we can continue our journey. The communication would be best received in private if you wish to keep knowledge of this arrangement secret. It may be Kashyk who delivers the message."

"I'll go immediately," Kathryn replied. She smiled warmly at her old Vulcan friend. "Well done, Tuvok. You did a fine job."

* * *

Kathryn had barely set foot in her ready room when she received a message from Seven saying there was an incoming transmission from the Soruk. Kathryn switched on her monitor and told the former drone to accept the incoming hail. Seconds later, an unfamiliar Soruk man appeared on the screen.

"Captain Janeway?"

Kathryn gave a nod. "That's right."

"I must apologize on behalf of my people for delaying your journey, but we had to be fully satisfied that you and your crew posed no threat to us or other civilizations in this region of space."

"I understand," Kathryn replied.

"You may resume your journey immediately."

"Thank you."

The man then terminated the connection and the screen went blank.

Kathryn smiled, very pleased at this turn of events, and hit her commbadge.

"Janeway to Paris. Full steam ahead."

As the connection terminated, her eyes fell on the vase of flowers Chakotay had given her and the smile in her eyes faded as the image of his tortured face returned to her.

"Computer," she said sadly, "locate Commander Chakotay."

The computer voice responded. "Commander Chakotay is in viewport one."

* * *

The door was locked when Kathryn arrived at viewport one. Using her override command, Kathryn unlocked it and stepped inside.

Chakotay was sitting on a bench that ran the length of the wall, and a silver shutter shut out the view of streaming stars in the space beyond. His body was rigid, taut, and when he looked up at her, she saw infinite pain in his wet eyes.

"Did you do it?"

"He thinks I did," Kathryn answered.

"What do you mean?"

Kathryn bridged the gap between them and sat beside him.

"I knew this would happen eventually," she began. "In a male dominated galaxy of hostile aliens, it was only a matter of time before one of them demanded this of me. As I knew it could happen, I was prepared." She smiled warmly. "He thinks I served his pleasure, but the whole time I was in transporter suspension."

Chakotay frowned. "I don't understand. If you didn't do it, then who did?"

Kathryn reached into her jacket and pulled out the Doctor's holoemittor. "My counterpart." She fiddled with the holoemittor and then put it to the floor. Seconds later, a hologram of herself appeared. She was dressed in a Starfleet uniform and stood perfectly still.

The terrible agony in Chakotay's eyes dissipated somewhat, but Kathryn could still see a legion of doubt there.

"Didn't he see the holoemittor?"

Kathryn smiled. "Do you see it?"

Chakotay studied the hologram more closely. The holoemittor didn't seem to be visible.

Kathryn spoke. "Character Janeway, turn around."

At her command, the character turned around. There was no sign of the emittor on her back either.

Chakotay got to his feet and looked at the hologram even closer. "Where is it?"

Not answering directly, Kathryn addressed the hologram again. "Character Janeway, bend your left leg behind you."

The hologram immediately obeyed. As she bent her leg, the sole of her foot became visible. Right in the middle of her foot, the skin disappeared and part of the holoemittor could be seen.

"There's no rule that says the emittor has to be on the arm," Kathryn explained. "The Doctor just prefers it there because he can have full access to it."

Chakotay reached out and touched the hologram's jacket, his mind still questioning, still doubting... "But what of her clothes? If she removed them then..."

"I activated the hologram in sickbay after the Soruk had finished searching it, dressed her in a real uniform, and then concealed her in a cupboard. Tuvok transported her to the ship as he retrieved me. He deliberately disabled their systems so they wouldn't be able to detect that a hologram had been put in my place. As far as they were concerned, the real Kathryn Janeway was on their ship."

Chakotay's eyes found Kathryn's now, and a brightness was beginning to replace the terrible dullness.

"Then you really didn't do it?"

Kathryn got to her feet and smiled reassuringly. "I really didn't do it."

Chakotay smiled in return, infinite relief consuming him, and he took her in his arms. "I was so afraid that you had," he said. "I couldn't bear it..."

Kathryn held him close a moment and then drew slightly away from him. "You should know by now that it will take more than a bully to beat me."

Chakotay nodded. "But I also know that you would have done it to save the crew."

"Yes," she said quietly. "If it had come to it, I would have done it." She paused. "But you do know that if I had...if I had done it... that I wouldn't have liked it, not a moment of it, that it would just have been to save the crew?"

"Of course I know that," Chakotay replied. "Why do you think I was so angry? It would have been bad enough in any situation, but after everything you've been through..." He paused. "All I want to do is protect you,Kathryn. Especially from that..."

"I know you do," Kathryn said softly. "And if I had done it, you would have felt you'd let me down. But just as there are some things beyond my control, there are some things beyond yours too. I don't need you to protect me. All I want from you is your loyalty... and your love."

"And you have both, Kathryn," he said sincerely. "But I wouldn't be a man if I didn't want to protect you..."

"I understand that,"Kathryn then smiled. "Just try not to suffocate me, okay?"

Chakotay couldn't help smile at that. "I'll do my best."

They gazed into each other's eyes for a moment, and then held each other close.

**END OF CHAPTER THREE**


	5. Alteration

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER FOUR**

**ALTERATION**

B'Elanna sat alone in the Mess Hall, glad of the five minutes solitude. She tucked into her plate of banana pancakes, deliciously topped with chocolate ice cream. From the corner of her eye, she saw the Captain enter the room, followed by Chakotay. She turned to look at them. They had evidently been arguing and, from their harsh whispers, were arguing still. B'Elanna turned away and tried not to listen to what they were saying, but it was impossible not to overhear their conversation as she was the only other person in the room, except Neelix who was busy in the kitchen.

"At least have dinner with me tonight," Chakotay said, following the Captain over to the spread of food Neelix had prepared.

"I'm busy tonight," she replied curtly.

"Tomorrow, then."

"I have things to do."

"Then Thursday or Friday."

"I'm busy."

A silence followed and B'Elanna tucked harder into the pancakes, wishing she could make herself invisible.

"But we have to talk, Kathryn. If I've done something to upset you, at least tell me what it is."

"Chakotay, just accept that I have..."

"I won't accept anything until you tell me what's going on. One moment everything is wonderful between us and the next you can't even bear to be around me. At least tell me why..."

A plate slammed onto the table. "Alright, Chakotay, I'll tell you why. I'm your Captain, you're my First Officer. That's the way it should be and that's the way it should stay."

"But that's no longer an issue..."

"It is to me!"

B'Elanna heard Chakotay's desperation in his voice. "Kathryn..."

"It's over between us, Chakotay."

"I don't accept that."

"Then start accepting it."

Another silence. B'Elanna wondered whether she should try and slip out of the room, but found herself rooted to her chair, hardly even daring to breathe.

"I don't understand this, Kathryn," Chakotay replied. "Not after everything that's happened ... not after everything we've shared ..."

The Captain's voice was a slight tremor now too. "People change, Chakotay."

"So much, so soon?"

"I was wrong. I thought I loved you, I thought we could make it work, but I was wrong. I don't love you, Chakotay. It was a mistake. Everything between us was a mistake. You'll never be the man I need and I'll never be the woman for you. I'm sorry."

B'Elanna heard footsteps and from the corner of her eye saw the Captain leave the room. She turned slowly to Chakotay and saw that he was leaning, palms down, on the table, his body taut as he struggled not to cry. BElanna thought of going over to him, of trying to comfort him somehow, but he was blind to her presence, and disappeared through the opposite door.

B'Elanna sat stunned, not sure what to think, what to do. It didn't make sense. Chakotay and the Captain had seemed so happy together...

Neelix approached her. "Did you hear that?"

B'Elanna nodded.

"Poor Commander Chakotay. He idolizes the Captain. How could she say those things?"

"Because she's Starfleet," B'Elanna said, anger beginning to set in now. "She thinks he's not good enough for her."

"That doesn't sound like Captain Janeway."

"Think about it, Neelix. Chakotay's a Maquis. She's worried about her precious reputation. She goes on about how we Maquis are part of her crew, how she accepts us as equals, but it's all just talk. She's a hypocrite and I've got a good mind to tell her what I think..."

She wiped her mouth with a napkin and stood up. Neelix stepped closer and put his hand on her arm.

"Now, Lieutenant, you don't want to do anything hasty..."

B'Elanna stepped away from him. "I know what I'm doing."

* * *

Kathryn sat behind her desk in her ready room and dabbed her wet eyes with her handkerchief. The door chimed and it was a moment before she was able to compose herself.

"Come in."

The door opened and B'Elanna came in. Kathryn tried to look as natural as possible. "What can I do for you, Lieutenant?"

B'Elanna ignored her words and stormed over to the desk. "How could you?"

Kathryn swallowed nervously, feeling more vulnerable than usual. "What do you mean?"

"Chakotay. How could you do that to him?"

"Do what?"

"I heard you...in the Mess Hall. I heard everything you said to him... How could you tell him he was a mistake?"

Kathryn stood up, anger surfacing in her too. "You had no right to listen to a private conversation."

"Well, it was pretty hard not too! But I'm glad I heard it, because now I see you for the true self that you are! You pretend you're whiter than white, that you're so kind and compassionate, that we Maquis are as valued as any Starfleet member of this crew, but it's all lies."

"You're out of line, Lieutenant..."

"You think Chakotay's not good enough for you because of his past. Well you're wrong, Captain. He's a damn sight too good for you!"

Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes and B'Elanna's eyes also moistened now that she had released her anger. Without a word, she left the room.

* * *

It was past midnight and the ship was quiet. Chakotay lay in bed and tried in vain to make sense of what had happened. He and Kathryn had been so happy, at least until this last week, and everything had been going so well. He knew it was possible that she had stopped loving him, or had realized she had never loved him in the first place, but every instinct told him that was not the case. There had to be something more, something she wasn't telling him.

Suddenly, his bedroom doors opened and a silhouette form entered in the starlight. It was Kathryn. She was dressed in a robe of white satin and it shimmered as it caught the silver light.

Chakotay sat up. "Kathryn?"

Without a word, she sat on the edge of his bed. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry I've hurt you."

Chakotay tentatively put a hand on her shoulder. "Something's going on that you haven't told me. What is it? What's this really about?" He paused. "Is it something to do with Kashyk?"

"No," Kathryn said, looking up at him. "No, it's nothing to do with him. It's..." She paused, struggled with the words. "The away mission B'Elanna and I went on last week..."

"When you crash landed on a planet and the Flyer caught fire?"

Kathryn nodded. "The burns I got when I rescued B'Elanna, they..." She stopped, her frail body rigid with tension.

Chakotay caressed her arm softly. "What about them?"

"They were..." She paused, looked away, and then got to her feet. "It doesn't matter. Just forget I was here. Just forget everything..."

With that, she turned and left. Chakotay called after her, but she was gone.

* * *

The Doctor was busy working at a console when Chakotay arrived at sickbay.

"I didn't expect to find you working so hard this time of night," Chakotay said.

"You know what they say," the Doctor replied, "no rest for the good..." He put down the instrument in his hand. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm worried about the Captain," Chakotay answered. "She hasn't been herself for the past week and from what I understand, it's something to do with the injuries she received on the away mission last week."

The Doctor looked at him sadly. "You know I can't discuss a patient's details with anyone."

"But as her friend, aswell as her physician, you must be able to tell me something. Is she scarred?"

"I really can't divulge any information to you, Commander. If the Captain wishes to tell you about her condition, then it's up to her."

"Then she does have a condition?"

The Doctor bit his holographic lip at that slip up. "I can't answer that, Commander. If you want answers regarding the Captain's behavior, then she is the one to ask. I'm sorry."

"I understand," Chakotay said quietly. "I'm sorry to have troubled you."

With that, he turned around and left sickbay.

* * *

Early next morning, Chakotay found Kathryn alone in her ready room. She was sitting on a couch, drinking a coffee, and she looked very pale, tired, and there were dark circles under her eyes. He went over to her and sat beside her. She tensed at his proximity and didn't meet his eyes.

"'Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds," he began softly, "or bends with the remover to remove. No, it is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken." He paused. "I read those lines in a sonnet once and thought no truer words were ever spoken." He put his hand on her shoulder. "I love you, Kathryn. Do you really think scars could change how I feel about you?"

Kathryn broke away from him and got to her feet. When she spoke, her voice was quiet. "This isn't about scars, Chakotay. If only it were."

Chakotay looked up at her. "Then what is it about?"

Kathryn didn't answer.

"Kathryn?"

At the concerned kindness in his voice, Kathryn turned to look at him. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I should have told you straight away, I know that. But I thought it was better this way..."

"We have so much against us already," Chakotay said softly. "If our relationship is to have any chance, we have to be honest with each other, tell each other everything, no matter what it is..."

"I didn't want to hurt you," Kathryn said sincerely. "I thought it was better to end things between us than tell you the truth."

"You think ending things between us wouldn't hurt me?"

She lowered her eyes. "Not as much as the truth..."

Chakotay got to his feet. "I love you, Kathryn. Whatever happened to you, what ever is going on, I want to be here for you. All the time you try to handle things alone, and you don't have to any more." He put his hand on her arm. "Tell me what's wrong, Kathryn. Please."

Kathryn hesitated, but then spoke. "The Doctor didn't know how to treat me," she began. "My burns could be easily healed, but a sworm of parasites had invaded them and the Doctor didn't know how to get rid of them. They had attached themselves to almost all my vital organs, my spinal cord and my brain. To try and kill them or remove them could kill me, but to do nothing would certainly kill me as they were multiplying and feeding off my body like a cancer. While searching for a way to remove or kill the parasites, the Doctor found the Crell Moset program, the Cardassian doctor from hell, in our database. I'd blocked his deletion of the program, you see...just incase... I didn't think it was wrong to use his knowledge. Otherwise, all those people suffered for nothing..." She paused. "As I'd given my consent to Moset treating B'Elanna, the Doctor felt I would wish him to treat me. He told no one as he didn't want a repeat of the problems last time." She paused again. "Moset was able to save me, but only by changing my physiology. He found that Cardassian physiology was resistant to the parasites, so he and the Doctor worked together to alter my genetical make-up to make my body physically Cardassian. They were able to do that by extracting DNA from a stored sample of Seska's hair. The first thing I knew of it all was when I woke and found myself in a Cardassian body."

Kathryn wandered over to the window and looked out at the stars.

"I was furious with the Doctor for what he had done to me...terrified too...But he managed to calm me and told me it would only be a temporary measure until the parasites had died from lack of nourishment. In the meantime, he would inject me with a solution that would restore my human face so I would look my normal self." She paused. "But the parasites haven't died. They've gone into some kind of hibernation. Perhaps they'll die eventually, but perhaps they'll stay that way for years, which means I'll have to remain in a Cardassian body. I can't continue the cosmetic treatments as they've been making me ill... terrible headaches and neurolgia. The Doctor says I can only have several more or I risk permament brain damage. But discontinuing them will mean I'll look Cardassian again." She forced herself to turn to Chakotay. "Now you see why we can't be together anymore."

Chakotay bridged the gap between them and placed both his hands on her shoulders.

"Human or Cardassian, you are still you, Kathryn, and I love you."

"It's easy to say that now," Kathryn replied, "when you're looking at the human me. It won't be so easy when I look Cardassian."

"Nothing could change how I feel about you, Kathryn. No matter how your appearance changes, I will love you the same."

"No, Chakotay," she continued, "you couldn't possible feel the same. Every time you looked at me, you would be reminded of what happened to your family, to your people. I don't want that, don't want to serve as a reminder of all your deepest sufferings." She turned away from him again. "And I'm not going to captain this ship as a Cardassian. It would destroy the harmony that you and I have worked so hard to build up between our crews." She paused. "I'm going to tell the Doctor to restore my human physiology and let me die a natural death...a natural human death."

Chakotay turned her sharply towards him. "No, Kathryn...no way..."

"There's no other way, Chakotay...I can't captain this ship as a Cardassian..."

"You can and you will," Chakotay said firmly. "Even if you look Cardassian, you will never be a Cardassian. They are cruel, merciless, immoral. You are everything they are not. The Doctor was right to save your life anyway he could, and everyone on this ship will agree with me."

"Even B'Elanna?"

"After it happened, I talked to her," Chakotay said. "I made her see how having Moset save her life, made the deaths of his victims serve at least some good... What matters is keeping you alive..."

Anger began to surface in Kathryn now. "At any expense? You and the Maquis are not the only ones to have suffered at the hands of the Cardassians. You think I want to look in the mirror and see every day the face of those who tortured me?"

"So," he argued, "if you had been tortured by humans, you would have changed yourself into a Klingon?"

Kathryn could make no reply to that. "It would just be wrong, Chakotay. I can't captain this ship as a Cardassian."

"If you give up on life, if you don't fight this, who is going to get the crew home?"

"You will."

"And you're certain of that? I might be a good First Officer, but I'll never be the captain you are. You take risks that I wouldn't dare, and while I want this crew to get home, I just don't have the determination you do. You can't give up on this crew, on us, and even on life, just because of this..." He reached for her and gripped her arms firnly, but not tightly. "We'll get through this, Kathryn. We'll get through this together".

Kathryn looked desperately into his eyes. "Do you really think we can?"

Chakotay nodded. "Just believe it and trust me."

* * *

Chakotay helped Kathryn to sit on one of the biobeds while the Doctor emerged from his office to attend to her. He glanced nervously at Chakotay.

"It's alright, Doctor," Chakotay said, "I know everything."

The Doctor eased somewhat at that, but was still tense. "I had an opportunity to save the Captain's life, Commander. I had to take it."

"And I thank you for it," he smiled.

The Doctor turned to Kathryn. "How is the headache?"

"Better." She paused. "How many more treatments can I have?"

"I would recommend only three, Captain, four at most. Any more than that and there''s a strong likelihood of brain damage."

"I don't want you to have any," Chakotay said. "It's not worth the risk."

"I agree with the Commander," the Doctor continued. "Every treatment carries a potential fatal risk, and it increases every time."

Kathryn looked at them both in turn and could see in their eyes that this was a battle she wouldn't win.

"Alright," she said, half smiling. "You win."

The Doctor smiled. He then fell serious. "Without another treatment, your face will begin changing within the next half hour. It will be better if I put you to sleep. Otherwise the transformation will be quite painful."

"Understood," Kathryn said.

The Doctor picked up a hypospray that was next to the bed and fiddled with it for a moment. He then turned back to his patient.

"Lie down, Captain."

Kathryn resisted. "Give the Commander and I a moment, Doctor."

The Doctor gave a nod. "Very well."

As he disappeared into his office, Kathryn looked up at Chakotay.

"We don't have to do this. The Doctor can just as easily change me back to a human as he can preserve me as Cardassian."

"We're doing it," Chakotay said. "And I'll be right here when you wake up."

Kathryn lowered her eyes, obviously doubting...

Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "Nothing is going to change, Kathryn. Not between us, not between the crew. You will still be you."

Kathryn looked up at him. "Don't make any promises, Chakotay. You don't know..."

"I know how I feel, Kathryn," he said gently. "And I know how much I love you."

He put his hand to her cheek and then kissed her lips softly.

As they drew apart, the Doctor returned. "We really should proceed."

Kathryn lay down and the Doctor put the hypospray to her neck. In seconds, she was fast asleep.

Chakotay gazed at her sadly, trying to stifle the crushing pain at the thought of never seeing her beloved face again...

"It would be better if you left," the Doctor said kindly. "The transformation is a slow and unsightly process. I'll summon you when it's complete."

Chakotay nodded, and then reluctantly left Kathryn in the Doctor's care.

* * *

It had been two hours and still Chakotay waited in his quarters for a word from the Doctor. At last it came and he went immediately to sickbay. The Doctor was waiting for him.

"The transformation is complete."

Chakotay nodded.

The Doctor looked at him in concern. "Are you sure you're ready for this, Commander?"

"Yes," Chakotay replied.

He saw Kathryn's form lying on the biobed and hesitantly he walked over to her. His heart was thumping wildly in his chest. He wanted to fly a million light years from what was happening, but Kathryn needed him now more than she had ever needed him. He slowly worked his eyes up her body to her face, preparing to see a Cardassian countenance and preparing himself for whatever emotion that evoked...

But all he saw was Kathryn.

Even though she now had Cardassian features, she still looked like Kathryn... his Kathryn.

The Doctor put his hypospray to her neck and Kathryn's eyes fluttered open. For a moment she appeared disorientated, but then pain filled her eyes as her memory of events returned. "Am I...?"

The Doctor nodded. "You are completely Cardassian." He paused. "You may feel a little dizzy for a while, but it will soon pass."

Kathryn turned her head to the side, looking for Chakotay. "Chakotay?"

She felt a hand on hers and then saw him standing over her. "I'm here, Kathryn."

His eyes were moist, heavy, but as she looked into them, she saw only the love that had always been there.

* * *

An hour later, Kathryn was ready to leave sickbay.

"We're going to have to inform the crew," Chakotay said as she put on her Starfleet jacket.

"No," Kathryn said. "I've been thinking. There may be a way of hiding this from them."

Chakotay frowned. "How?"

"By saying I have the Vidian phage or something else contagious that has ravaged my appearance. All consultation can then be done over the comm and no one need know I'm Cardassian."

Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "You're not Cardassian, Kathryn. The Cardassians are..." he paused, suppressing the anger he felt at thinking what the Cardassians were... "culture is more than just appearance. It's about who you are, your ideals, beliefs. You will never be Cardassian."

"But the Maquis, Chakotay...how can they respect me as their Captain the way I look now?"

"Because you are the same Captain they have loved and respected for over six years. You have done nothing wrong. Dammit, Kathryn, the only reason you were injured was because you were trying to save B'Elanna's life. If you hadn't waded through those flames and dragged her to safety, she would be dead now." He paused. "The crew will accept you and give you the respect they always have. You have nothing to worry about, Kathryn, I promise you."

He smiled reassuringly, but Kathryn wished she could believe it as readily as he did.

* * *

The crew stood in stunned silence when Chakotay told them what had happened to the Captain. For a moment he was afraid the silence would erupt into a protestation from some of his more militant old crew members, but the silence only broke into quiet talk. Chakotay breathed in relief. He glanced at Tuvok, Tom, Seven, and then B'Elanna. She was staring at him, tears in her eyes. Chakotay cursed himself. He had been so caught up in Kathryn's well being that he had completely forgotten about B'Elanna's. He should have told her privately what had happened, not made her listen to it in the mess hall along with every other crew member. B'Elanna held his gaze for another moment, and then left the room.

* * *

The computer located B'Elanna in her quarters and Chakotay followed her there. She would not let him in so he used the override command. This time it worked. He found B'Elanna lying on her bed, weeping. He went over to her.

"I'm sorry, B'Ei. You shouldn't have found out that way."

B'Elanna sat up and wiped away her tears. "It's alright, Chakotay. You've had a lot on your mind."

He put his hand on her shoulder. "I know what you're thinking, but it wasn't your fault."

"She never would have been burned if it wasn't for me," she said. "And I was so horrible to her, Chakotay. She saved my life... suffered terribly because of it, and I..." She paused. "I will never forgive myself."

Chakotay edged closer. "When were you horrible to her?"

"Yesterday...I heard you in the Mess Hall, heard what she said to you. I was so angry. I thought she was casting you aside because you're a Maquis, because she thought herself too good for you. I stormed into her ready room and told her exactly what I thought of her." She clenched her fists angrily. "How could I have done that? How?"

Chakotay took her hand in his. "We all do and say things we don't mean. Don't be too hard on yourself."

"It's the Klingon in me. It makes me impetuous."

Chakotay squeezed her hand. "But whatever you said to her, it had an effect. I don't think she would have told me the truth otherwise. So, if anything, I should be thanking you."

B'Elanna smiled softly. "Nice try, but that doesn't make me feel any better."

"Then go and speak with the Captain. Your support right now will be invaluable."

B'Elanna hesitated, but then nodded. "I'll go right away."

* * *

Kathryn stood by her window and gazed out at the stars surrounding the ship. She knew Chakotay must have finished his speech by now, and was dreading the next few hours. To be despised would be unbearable enough, but to be pitied, that would be even worse.

Suddenly the door chime sounded. Kathryn took a deep breathe and turned around. "Come in."

B'Elanna came in. The two women looked at each other for a moment, but then B'Elanna hurried over to the Captain and took her in her arms. "I'm sorry," she whispered tearfully, "I'm so sorry, Captain."

Kathryn returned her embrace and held her tight. "It's alright, B'Elanna."

"You should have left me to die in that shuttle. My life wasn't worth the risking of yours. And now you..."

Kathryn held her tighter. "That's enough of that. You would have done the same thing for me."

B'Elanna drew away from her and studied the Captain's appearance. Tenderly, she touched the Captain's forehead, traced the Cardassian patterns.

"At least you're not Kobali," she said at last.

Kathryn had to smile at that. "Yes. Purple has never been my color."

B'Elanna drew the captain close again. "I'm sorry for what I said ... about you and Chakotay..."

"You were just protecting a friend."

"But you're my friend too, and I shouldn't have thought the worst of you. I should have known you had your reasons."

"It doesn't matter. It's forgotten already."

They held each other close until Neelix's voice sounded over the comm.

"Neelix to the Captain."

Kathryn drew away from B'Elanna. "Go ahead."

"Please come to the mess hall at once."

Kathryn bit her lip. She wasn't ready to face people. "Neelix, I..."

"No excuses allowed, Captain. Neelix out."

Kathryn inhaled sharply and B'Elanna could see her struggle. She slipped her arm through Kathryn's. "Come on, Captain. Let's go there together."

* * *

When they arrived at the mess hall, the entire crew broke into applause and one by one they greeted their captain. Kathryn was overwhelmed, especially as not one of the former Maquis crew members showed any hostility. Once again the crew had exceeded her expectations in every possible way.

* * *

**FIVE DAYS LATER**

The Doctor was whistling while he worked when Kathryn arrived at sickbay.

"You wanted to see me, Doctor?"

At the sound of the Captain's voice, the Doctor turned to her. "Yes, Captain." He smiled. "I've finally created a vaccine that will kill the parasites."

A light shone in Kathryn's eyes. "You have?"

He nodded. "I've been working on for a couple of days, but I didn't say anything incase I couldn't get it right."

"Then let's not waste any time!" Kathryn said happily. "If you can kill them, I can have my human body back."

"You certainly can, Captain." He paused. "But to kill them, I will first need to change you back into a human. What is currently protecting you from the parasites will also protect them from the vaccine. Changing you back while the parasites are still in your body will carry some degree of risk, however. They make awake from their hibernation more aggressive than ever."

"I'm willing to take that chance, Doctor." She smiled. "You get everything prepared and I'll summon Commander Chakotay and let him know."

* * *

Chakotay wasn't as enthusiastic as Kathryn would have hoped when she told him, and that could only mean he wasn't happy about it.

"You don't think I should have it," she said.

"I just don't think it's worth the risk," he replied. "You're alive, well, happy... there's no need to do it."

The Doctor spoke. "If the Captain doesn't undergo this treatment, then the parasites will remain in her body. They are currently inactive, but their future behaviour is impossible to predict. They might be adapting to the Captain's new physiology. If they do that, then it will only be a matter of time before their presence proves fatal. But if the Captain undergoes this treatment, which will most likely be successful, then the parasites will die and I'll adminster another vaccine that will expel them from her body. Having the treatment is the lesser risk in the long term."

"And even if it wasn't," Kathryn said. "It's a risk I want to take. I want to be human again..."

Chakotay reached out and put his hand on her arm. "I'll inform Tuvok he has the bridge."

* * *

Three hours later, Kathryn stirred awake. All was blurred for a moment, but then she saw the Doctor smiling down at her.

"I'm pleased to say you're as good as new, Captain."

Kathryn smiled. "Human new?"

"One hundred percent, except the extraneous Borg implants still inside you, of course."

"Of course," she replied.

"But you'll be feeling tired for the next few days, and I want to keep you in sickbay where I can keep my eye on you."

"As you wish, Doctor." She turned her head to the side. "Where's Chakotay?"

She felt a hand on hers. "I'm here."

She turned in the direction of the voice and saw him standing over her. He was smiling, as much love in his eyes as always. She squeezed his hand and smiled in return.

The Doctor stepped away. "I'll leave you two love-birds alone. Just don't keep her talking too long, Commander."

He left the room.

Kathryn was too tired to sit up, so she simply lay still.

"Do I look like me again?"

"Take a look for yourself." Chakotay held a mirror before her. Kathryn gazed at her human face and touched her forehead. "I know I was never a beauty, human or Cardassian, but it's good to be myself again. I'll never complain about my freckles in the future."

Chakotay put down the mirror and sat beside her. He gazed deep into her eyes. "There's no one more beautiful to me than you."

Kathryn smiled softly and then kissed his lips tenderly.

* * *

"It's good to see you back to your old self," B'Elanna said as she joined Kathryn at a table in the mess hall.

Kathryn looked up at her and smiled. "It's good to be myself again."

Neelix approached B'Elanna. "What can I get you, Lieutenant?"

"Just a vanilla cappuccino," she replied.

"No pancakes?"

"Not today," she smiled.

"Very well. One vanilla cappuccino coming up."

He left the table and B'Elanna turned once more to Kathryn. She watched her captain take a sip of her coffee a moment and then spoke.

"Captain?"

Kathryn looked up at her. There was worry in her voice and concern in her eyes.

"Yes?"

"Tom and I...We...We've been together a long time now and we...would like to get married."

Kathryn smiled and laughed softly. "For a moment there I thought you were going to tell me the warp core was failing."

A brightness filled B'Elanna's eyes and she laughed too.

"This is great news, B'Elanna."

"So you'll marry us?"

Kathryn reached for B'Elanna's hand. "It would be my delight."

B'Elanna smiled happily.

Neelix returned with B'Elanna's order. "One Vanilla cappuccino for B'Elanna Torres."

Kathryn looked up at him. "We'll soon have to get used to..."

B'Elanna interrupted. "Neelix, I think Lieutenant Rowlands wants you."

"On my way," he replied. "Excuse me, Captain."

Kathryn looked at B'Elanna questioningly.

"I don't want him knowing," B'Elanna said quietly. "Not yet. Tom and I just want a quiet wedding. If Neelix knows then before you've finished that coffee, the whole ship will know. We don't want people to know until after we're married. We just want a simple service. You, of course, and Tuvok and Chakotay as witnesses."

"I understand," Kathryn smiled. "Whatever you want."

* * *

Chakotay and Tuvok stood side by side in the ready room as Kathryn married Tom and B'Elanna. When they were finally pronounced husband and wife, Tom scooped his bride in his arms and kissed her. After all due congratulations, Tom and B'Elanna left, leaving Kathryn, Chakotay and Tuvok alone.

"Now that they are married," Tuvok contemplated. "and have chosen to live in Mr Paris's quarters, we will need to decide who occupies Lieutenant Torres's. My recommendation is Seven of Nine."

"I would love for Seven to have her quarters," Kathryn replied, "but if we gave it to her now, I don't think she would appreciate it. She needs to become aware of the need for her own quarters herself. My preference would be Gini Daron. She's recently been promoted to Lieutenant and like so many of our younger crew is getting too old now to share dorms." She sighed. "If I could I would have all vacant dorm converted into at least single rooms, but we'll never know when we need them and there just wouldn't be enough for everyone."

"What we need," Tuvok replied, "is more weddings."

Kathryn laughed. "There is some truth to that. If everyone coupled up, we'd halve living space."

"In fact," he surmised. "I'm surprised there have not been more unions."

"Well," Kathryn replied, a twinkle in her eye. "There may be at least one more in the future, courtesy of Starfleet Regulation 33504."

Chakotay questioned. "Regulation 33504"

Kathryn smiled. "Tuvok, explain. I must report to the bridge."

With that she left the room.

"So," Chakotay asked. "Regulation 33504?"

Tuvok turned to his First Officer. "In the event of a starship being lost in space, a Starfleet Captain is permitted to authorize his or her own marriage providing the ceremony is performed by someone else in the presence of at least one witness."

Chakotay's eyes shone brightly as understanding dawned on him. "Then, was I just proposed too?"

"I would say proposed to propose."

Chakotay laughed and put his hand on the Vulcan's shoulder. "Then you'd better start imagining life in my quarters."

"Your quarters?"

"Well," Chakotay smiled. "We can hardly lodge a cadet next to the Captain's quarters."

Chakotay tapped Tuvok's shoulder and then followed Kathryn out of the room.

Tuvok sighed as the doors shut behind him. Perhaps more weddings was not such a good idea after all.

**END OF CHAPTER FOUR**


	6. Always & Forever: Part One

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER FIVE**

**ALWAYS & FOREVER**  
**Part One**

Chakotay looked again at the Valentine's card Kathryn had given him while she was busy preparing the final course of their Valentine's meal, dessert. It was a cute card with a little white bunny holding a red heart with the words "I love you" written on it.

Kathryn came over to the table carrying a crystal glass bowl with a brown trifle in it. She put the bowl down and then took her seat again.

"True Hearts Truffle Trifle, "she smiled. "I found it in a recipe database and thought it was appropriate for the occasion."

She dished some of the trifle into a glass bowl for Chakotay and then dished some for herself.

"Looks delicious," he said as he prepared to take a mouthful.

Kathryn smiled and watched as Chakotay tasted it. He smiled, but then his eyes watered and he quickly reached for his wine, gulping it down. Kathryn bit her lip. "Something wrong with it?"

"Perhaps you should judge."

Kathryn took a small mouthful and was soon reaching for her own wine. "Dammit," she said, when at last she could speak... "I must have put the curry powder I was using for the meal in it instead of brown sugar ... Seven was talking to me, you see, going on and on about some damned theory Icheb had come up with about sub space distortions..."

Chakotay laughed and she did too. Then she stood up. "I'll replicate us something. What would you like?"

"Actually I'm quite full. But let me guess, you'll have coffee ice cream?"

"You read my mind." She walked over to him and slipped her arms around him from behind. "Sure I can't get you anything?"

He turned to her slightly. "Just a kiss."

Kathryn turned to him and kissed his lips softly, deepening the kiss as he did.

"I think I'll skip the ice cream," she whispered, and put her mouth to his again. Chakotay got to his feet and gently pulled Kathryn into his arms. She slipped her arms around his neck and they kissed deeply.

"Tuvok to Captain Janeway."

Slightly breathless, Kathryn regretfully drew away from Chakotay.

"Janeway here."

"You are required in sickbay."

Kathryn took a deep breath, composing herself. "I'll be right there. Janeway out."

She looked back at Chakotay, put her fingers to his lips, and smiled sadly. "Hold that kiss."

* * *

Kathryn was a long time in sickbay and, after clearing away the dinner table, Chakotay left the dining area to wait on her couch. As walked across the room, he passed her shelf of photographs and noticed there were less pictures on display than he remembered. He walked over to the shelf and, after a quick glance, realized that the two pictures of Justin had been removed.

Suddenly the doors opened and Kathryn came in. Chakotay turned to her.

"Everything alright?"

"I hope so," she said, walking over to him. "Crewman Tabor was found unconscious in the Jeffries Tube. Either he has been attacked or has been in a fight. The latter seems more likely and, when I've got to the bottom of it all, someone is going to be spending some time in the Brig. I won't tolerate violence on this ship."

She saw that he was standing by her photographs.

"Looking at my pictures?"

Chakotay nodded.

"I think I've shown you most of them before."

"Yes," he replied. Then he put his hand on her shoulder. "Why have you removed the pictures of Justin?"

Kathryn flinched and when she spoke, her voice was quiet. "How do you know about those?"

"I saw them ... when I was waiting for you the day Seven's cortical node was failing. I guessed they were him."

"I see," Kathryn said, turning away from him.

"Why have you taken them down?"

Kathryn fidgeted with her fingers. "Because it wouldn't be fair to you to keep them on display."

Chakotay caressed her arm softly. "I don't mind, Kathryn. Justin was an important part of your life."

Kathryn looked up at him and smiled softly. "Thank you for the gesture, but I've put them in an album I have, and I'd like them to stay there."

"If that's what you want," Chakotay replied. "But only if it's what you want."

Kathryn smiled again. "It is."

She then drew close to Chakotay and leant into his strong body. His arms enfolded her and they held each other a while. Then Kathryn leant her cheek against his. "Still holding that kiss?"

Chakotay smiled softly. "I certainly am."

He kissed her lips gently and she kissed him in return. When at last they drew away, he leant his forehead briefly against hers.

"I know you wanted this Valentine's Day to be special," he whispered, "and I want it to be special too."

He drew away from her and dug into his pocket. He pulled out a little gold velvet box. He handed it to her and she took it. She opened it slowly, her heart beating wildly, as she already suspected what lay inside. She was right. Encased in black velvet was a beautiful diamond ring. With true chivalry, Chakotay went down on one knee and took her hand in his.

"I love you, Kathryn Janeway. I love you with all that I am. Will you marry me?"

Kathryn gazed deep into his eyes, happy tears welling in her own. "Yes," she laughed. "Yes, yes!"

She held out her hand to him and, with trembling fingers, Chakotay removed the ring from the box and gently placed it on her finger. He then kissed her hand and scooped her in his arms as he got to his feet.

* * *

"Married?"

Kathryn nodded and B'Elanna got up from her chair in the Briefing room and hugged her captain.

"That's wonderful news, Captain. Wonderful."

"Good news for you too, Tuvok, old man," Tom laughed. "You'll get the Commander's  
quarters."

"A great benefit, I am sure," Tuvok said, unenthusiastically and with a hint of sarcasm.

Harry smiled. "Does that mean I can have Tuvok's?"

The Doctor stood up. "Wait a moment. What about me? Don't I have the right to quarters of my own?"

Tom laughed. "You don't need quarters, Doctor."

"Yes I do," he protested. "I want somewhere to relax, just like everyone else. And if I was a humanoid and not a hologram, I would have quarters matching my status on this ship."

"Very well, Doctor," Kathryn said, before this turned into a debate on holographic rights. "You can have Tuvok's quarters."

The Doctor beamed a smile. "Thank you, Captain."

"Now," Kathryn said. "Getting back to the matter in hand. Tuvok, Chakotay and I  
would like you to perform the ceremony."

The Vulcan gave a slight nod. "It would be an honor, Captain."

Neelix approached Kathryn. "When were you thinking of, Captain?"

"We thought early next month."

"And you will be having a public wedding? I mean, in front of the entire crew? No one has had a public wedding yet. It would be the perfect morale booster."

Kathryn smiled. "I want everyone to be there. And I want it to be as informal as possible...meaning no Starfleet uniforms...except you, of course, Tuvok. I want it to be as close to an Earth wedding as we can have."

"Not a problem," Neelix grinned. "Leave all preparations to me, Captain. I'll make this the greatest wedding the Delta Quadrant has ever seen."

* * *

Kathryn sat behind her desk in her ready room and rubbed her tired eyes. The door chime sounded and she sat up. "Come in."

It was Neelix.

"Excuse the interruption, Captain," he said, hurrying over to her desk, "but I must discuss with you the design of your wedding cake."

Kathryn put down her cup of coffee. "Now, Neelix? The wedding isn't for another month."

"I know that, Captain. But the recipe book says the wedding cake needs to be made in advance or it will fall to pieces when it's on display."

"Alright," she smiled, "we'll talk wedding cake."

"I must know what kind of cake you and the Commander want...I need to know what shape tin to use, you see ... whether you want a round cake or a square cake or an oblong cake..."

"A heart," Kathryn smiled. "A heart shaped cake."

"Then heart it is, Captain. And how many layers do you want ... three, four, five?"

"I think three will be sufficient."

"And icing, Captain? The main icing will have to be white of course, but what other color would you like?"

"Silver ... silver and gold."

"Just what I was hoping you would say." He rubbed his hands together exclaiming loudly. "I can't wait for the wedding, Captain. Everyone is so excited too and Naomi is absolutely thrilled that you're having her as a bridesmaid. She was so disappointed when she heard Tom and B'Elanna had married in secret."

The door chime sounded again.

"Come in."

It was Chakotay. Kathryn looked up at him. "Neelix and I were just discussing our wedding cake. How does heart shaped, gold and silver icing, sound to you?"

"It sounds wonderful."

Neelix stood up. "Well, now that's decided, I'd better return to the cake."

"As you were, Neelix."

He left the room and Kathryn laughed. "As much as I love my Talaxian, I know he's going to drive me barmy with wedding arrangements. Before long he'll be checking to see if we want roast potatoes at the reception, or boiled potatoes, raspberry trifle or strawberry trifle, even what shape we want the napkins! Now I know why B'Elanna and Tom chose a private ceremony!"

Chakotay smiled. "But they could get away with it. The crew wouldn't let you get away so easily."

Kathryn stood up and went to sit on her couch, gesturing for Chakotay to sit also. "No. And I wouldn't want it any other way. I haven't seen them all so excited in years and it's good that little Naomi can take part and learn more about the rituals of her human heritage."

"Yes," Chakotay replied. Then he fell serious. "But I don't think everyone on this ship is happy about us being together."

"What do you mean?"

"There have been two more attacks. Crewmen Yosa and Garl."

"Tabor, Yosa, and Garl..." Kathryn said thoughtfully, "Maquis."

"Yes. And I don't think the assailant is going to stop at them."

"But why resort to this if they oppose us being together?"

"I don't know. Perhaps its an attempt to stir trouble, to make us believe Starfleet and Maquis can never truly be one."

"Can they tell us who attacked them?"

"No. They are unconscious. Tabor has come round, but doesn't know who attacked him."

"Then we're just going to have to wait for Yosa and Garl to come round and see if they can tell us. I don't know what else we can do."

"Agreed," he said. He hesitated with the next words. "And speaking of Starfleet and Maquis. What are you going to tell Starfleet Command ... about us?"

They had just received their monthly letters from home and Starfleet Command would be waiting for an update on the ship and crew from Kathryn.

Kathryn smiled. "The truth. That we love each other and are getting married."

Chakotay smiled. "I swear there is a rebellious streak to you, Kathryn Janeway."

"You bet," she replied. "You don't get to command by being a mouse."

Suddenly Harry's voice sounded over the comm.

"Kim to Captain Janeway."

"Go ahead, Harry."

"We're finding Maquis crew members unconscious all over the ship, Captain. They've all been attacked."

Kathryn shared a concerned glance with Chakotay. "Any idea yet who is responsible for this?"

"No, Captain, but some of them are regaining consciousness in sickbay and may be able to tell us something."

"Acknowledged. Janeway out."

Kathryn turned again to Chakotay, but before she could speak, the door chime sounded again. "Come in."

Tuvok came in. Kathryn stood up. "Have you managed to learn anything, Tuvok?"

He didn't answer. He simply walked over to her. There was a vacant look in his eyes and he suddenly took out his phaser and aimed it at Kathryn. Chakotay moved quickly and knocked Kathryn to the floor as the phaser was fired.

For a long moment Kathryn was dazed. She heard Tuvok's voice in the distance, heard it grow louder, and then through a hazy mist saw him looking down at her. Then he was gone. She felt a weight on her chest and saw that Chakotay was lying lifeless beside her, his arm across her body. Anxiously she sat up and searched for his pulse. She found it, soft and steady. The phaser had not been set to kill.

She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to security. Find and arrest Lieutenant Commander Tuvok. Janeway out." She stroked Chakotay's hair as she gave further orders. "Janeway to Transporter Room Two. Beam Commander Chakotay and I to sickbay."

Moments later they both dematerialized and rematerialized in sickbay.

The Doctor hurried over to them. "Has the Commander been attacked too?"

"I'm not sure what's happened," Kathryn said, drawing away from Chakotay so the Doctor could examine him. "Tuvok fired his phaser at me and the next thing I remember is waking up and finding Chakotay unconscious."

"Tuvok?"

"Yes... I can't even begin to imagine why or what's going on..."

* * *

It was almost two hours before Chakotay came around. Kathryn was sitting beside him, her hand on his. He remembered vaguely what had happened and squeezed her hand. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she reassured him. "And so will you be."

Chakotay sat up slowly. "Would I be right in thinking that Tuvok is our assailant?"

Kathryn nodded, a pain filling her eyes. "I've put him in the Brig for now. But I don't think he's responsible for his actions."

"His illness?" Chakotay regretted the words as soon as he had spoken them. He wasn't supposed to know Tuvok was ill. He doubted even the Doctor knew at this point in time.

Kathryn frowned. "Illness?"

"I mean, is he ill? He's getting on in years and could be suffering from some kind of degenerative neurological disease."

"No," Kathryn replied. "I think he's been subjected to some kind of mind control. As you know, for security reasons, Tuvok analyses all crew mail that arrives in the datastream from Earth, and somehow he was subjected to the mind-control of a Bajoran while analyzing his own."

"Bajoran...?"

"Yes ...Tyro, Tyrax.."

"Teero," Chakotay corrected with contempt. "He was a Maquis ... an extremist ... an expert on mind-control. When we rejected his methods, he vowed he would be revenged on us all ... He must be using Tuvok as a means of exacting that..."

"Yes. But we can't determine how, exactly. I listened to his Bajoran chant, as did Seven and Tom, and it had no effect on any of us."

"Tuvok was a member of my crew for a while. He may have come into contact with Teero then."

Kathryn nodded. "Possibly." She paused. "I'll go and speak to Tuvok again ... see if he can remember anymore."

Chakotay squeezed her hand. "Not on your own, Kathryn. Teero is a violent man and Vulcans are capable of great violence. We don't know what he may have controlled Tuvok to do."

Kathryn squeezed his hand in return. "I'll take security officers with me. I'll be alright."

She squeezed his hand again, touched his face, and then left.

* * *

For the best part of an hour, Kathryn interrogated a distraught and confused Tuvok. She tried to piece together the information he was giving her between his bouts of madness. So far she had determined that he had been captured by Teero and exposed to some kind of mind control experiment against his will. Even as they spoke, Teero was controlling him, and Kathryn felt helpless as she watched him struggle to stay in control of his own mind. All she could do was urge him to fight ... to focus on her voice ... to fight ... fight ... fight...

Suddenly the ship went to red alert. Kathryn hit her commbadge. "Janeway to the bridge. Report."

Only silence greeted her.

Kathryn left the Brig and tried to make her way to the bridge. She stopped in the corridor when she saw Chakotay and B'Elanna walking towards her, both armed and dressed in their old Maquis clothes.

"Chakotay ... what's going on?"

He gripped her arm tightly. "Get back in the Brig, Kathryn."

"Chakotay..."

B'Elanna pointed her phaser at Kathryn. "You heard him."

Kathryn swallowed and turned again to Chakotay. She looked into his eyes, but only vacancy looked back at her. A terrifying realization dawned on her...Tuvok's attacks on the Maquis were to put them under Teero's control...

Chakotay pulled her in the direction of the Brig and Kathryn had no choice but to go with him.

"The rebellion is over," she cried, knowing her words were not likely to have any effect, but deeming it worth a try. "It finished three years ago. There are no more Maquis..."

"The rebellion is not over on this ship," he replied, no trace of the Chakotay she knew and loved in his voice. "And this time we're the victors."

"But we're thirty thousand light years from the Alpha Quadrant, Chakotay... There's nothing you can hope to achieve..."

He pushed her into the Brig. "Quite the contrary, Kathryn, there's plenty."

He turned to Tuvok. "Follow me."

"Yes, Captain."

Kathryn watched, terrified, as Tuvok stepped outside the Brig. Chakotay turned to the small group of Maquis men who had followed them into the Brig. Take Janeway's security officers to the Cargo bay with the rest of the Starfleet crew. We'll keep her solitary. That way she'll be no threat."

"Yes, Sir."

The men gripped her security officers and, in moments, Kathryn was left all alone.

* * *

It seemed an eternity before someone came to her. It was Crewman Garl, accompanied by Sorvak, one of the youngest of Chakotay's crew. Sorvak temporarily deactivated the Brig forcefield while Garl stepped inside. Kathryn stood up. "What's happening?"

"We've found an m-class planet for you and your crew to live on."

"What do you mean?"

"We're going to leave you there and continue this journey to the Alpha Quadrant without you."

"Like hell you will!"

Garl stepped forward and slapped Kathryn hard across the face. A sharp edge of his ring cut her lip, causing it to bleed, and she fell against the wall at the force of the blow.

"This ship is under our control now."

Pain throbbing through her face, Kathryn turned again to Garl.

"There's no need to take us to a planet ... let us stay and we will..."

Suddenly Garl got her against the wall, his hand pressing so tight against her throat that she could hardly breathe. "Listen, lady. You can either co-operate with us or you can make things very difficult for yourself and your crew. Understand? This is our ship now. Ours!"

The pressure against her throat was intolerable now and Kathryn could feel herself lose consciousness. She tried to fight for every breath, but the air was thin ... thinning...

Then suddenly Garl was yanked away from her and she fell to the floor. She heard Chakotay's voice screaming at him. "What the hell do you think you're doing? You'll treat the women on this ship with respect! Understand? We don't fight the Cardassians to be like them, God dammit! You harm any woman on this ship and I'll put you out an airlock. Now, get out of my sight!"

She then felt Chakotay's kind hand on her arm. "Everything's alright now." Kathryn turned slowly to him. Her breathing was easier now, but her head was throbbing and her mouth stinging. She sat up slowly and leant back against the wall.

"Don't abandon us on that planet, Chakotay, please."

Chakotay studied her face. Already her cheek was swelling and her lip was bleeding heavily. "Don't talk," he said kindly. "Let's get you fixed up first."

He hit his commbadge. "Chakotay to Transporter Room Two, beam Captain Janeway and I to sick bay."

Moments later they dematerialized.

* * *

Sickbay was deserted, except for the Doctor, when they rematerialized. He hurried over to them.

"Will someone kindly tell me what is going on? One moment I'm treating attack victims and the next everyone is fighting each other."

Chakotay helped Kathryn to her feet. "We'll tell you all you need to know when you need to know it. Right now, you need to treat Captain Janeway."

The Doctor sighed, but turned to his patient. "Captain," he cried when he saw her injuries. "You look like you've been doing ten rounds with a Klingon."

"No," she said, wiping the dripping blood from her lip. "Just one with a Maquis."

The Doctor scanned her with his tricorder. "Nothing broken." He glanced at Chakotay. "You waste your time here, Commander. I suggest you try and calm the chaos on this ship."

"It's all taken care of. Every Starfleet officer and crewman is confined to the cargo bay and my people run this ship now."

The Doctor glanced at Kathryn in confusion. "I don't understand."

"We're taking all Starfleet members of this crew to a nearby planet where they can set up home, and are continuing our journey alone. But we'll need you, of course, and the two Borgs will come in useful."

"But..."

"You're letting your patient suffer, Doctor ... attend to her."

The Doctor turned back to Kathryn and picked up a dermal regenerator. Chakotay watched as he healed the wounds to her face and then the bruises to her neck.

"Torres to Chakotay."

Chakotay hit his commbadge. "Chakotay here."

"We're in transporter range of the planet."

"Acknowledged. Begin transporting the crew to the specified co-ordinates."

"Yes, Sir."

Kathryn pushed aside the Doctor's hand and stood up. "You can't do this, Chakotay. You don't know what you're doing. You're under some kind of mind-control ... Listen to me and..."

Chakotay gently seized her arms. "You listen to me, Captain. This ship cannot accommodate both our crews. We'll give you and your people everything you need to survive on this planet."

"But there's no need to send us anywhere. We're thousands of light years from the Alpha Quadrant. The Maquis/Starfleet issue doesn't exist out here. We're one crew, one family. Remember, Chakotay. Try! One crew ... one family ... We need each other..."

Chakotay let go of Kathryn and turned to the Doctor. "I think she may have hit her head, Doctor. She took a heavy fall to the floor."

"If only that were the case," Kathryn continued. "You're the one who is delusional, Chakotay ... A mind meld with Tuvok has convinced you we're your enemies. It's the work of Teero."

Suddenly the sickbay doors opened and Tuvok marched in, armed with a phaser.

"Transportation of Starfleet crewmembers has commenced. I suggest we transport the Captain immediately."

Chakotay turned to Kathryn and studied her in concern. He wasn't sure she was in any condition to be left on a planet. He turned now to the Doctor. "Is the Captain well enough to leave sick bay?"

Kathryn's eyes told the Doctor to say that she wasn't. "No, Commander," he said firmly. "She appears to be suffering from some kind of amnesia."

Tuvok stepped forward and addressed Chakotay. "You are needed on the bridge, Captain."

Chakotay nodded. "Very well. You stay here with Captain Janeway until I send two men to guard her."

"Yes, Sir."

With that, Chakotay left the room. As soon as he was gone, Tuvok lowered his weapon and walked over to Kathryn.

"I have control of my faculties again," he said. "To restore the Maquis to their former selves, I must have another mind meld with each of them. I will seek out an opportunity to seize Commander Chakotay and perform a mind meld with him. Once he is restored to his former self, he will be able to command a mind meld with the others. But until then, you will be safest on the planet. Teero is a violent man and through me has influenced our former Maquis crew members to behave violently. The severity of that violence will depend on their personal disposition and inclination to violence, but by staying on this ship, you put your life in danger."

Kathryn put her hand on Tuvok's shoulder. "Then I'll transport to the planet and join the rest of the crew. No doubt they are frightened and will need encouragement." She paused. "Chakotay wishes to keep Seven and Icheb on board. Make a point of visiting them and tell them to play along."

"Yes, Captain."

Kathryn took Tuvok's hand and squeezed it. "You must succeed, Tuvok. All our lives are in your hands."

Tuvok looked deep into her eyes and she felt a slight pressure on her hand. "I will not fail you, Captain."

Kathryn touched his face. "I believe you."

The Doctor stepped forward. "Let me finish treating you, Captain, before you transport to the planet."

Kathryn turned to him and he quickly healed the bruises on her neck. "All done."

Tuvok hit his commbadge. "Tuvok to Chakotay."

"Chakotay here."

"The Captain's injuries were not as severe as the Doctor feared. He says she is perfectly fit to leave the ship and she herself is eager to join her people on the planet."

"Very well. Stand by for transport. Chakotay out."

Kathryn smiled warmly at Tuvok and then turned to the Doctor. "You play along as well, Doctor. We don't want them altering your program in anyway."

The Doctor smiled kindly. "Understood, Captain."

Kathryn then dematerialized.

* * *

The faces of her crew were the first images to greet her as she rematerialized. They looked frightened, lost, but seemed to relax a little when they saw their captain materialize. Kathryn quickly made a mental note of their new environment before addressing the crew. There were trees, grass, a river nearby, and a number of unassembled Starfleet shelters were scattered here and there. It was a fertile location and would serve them well for as long as they had to be there, although she was hoping it wouldn't be long.

"Alright," she said, turning again to her crew. "Sit down, make yourselves comfortable."

The crew sat down on the grass, but kept their eyes on their captain.

"I know you all must be confused and frightened by what is happening, but I want you all to know that everything is under control. The former Maquis members of our crew are under the influence of mind-control and are unaware of their behavior. Lieutenant Commander Tuvok will be able to restore them all to their former selves by means of a mind meld. We will soon have our ship back and can resume our journey to the Alpha Quadrant." She tried to smile as reassuringly as she could. "Now, I suggest we all have something to eat while we wait."

Neelix approached her from the right. "I was about to suggest the very same, Captain. I suggest we build some fires and cook some potatoes. It'll be cold and dark soon, the fires will give heat and light."

Kathryn put her hand on Neelix's shoulder. "Good idea, Neelix."

* * *

The potatoes cooked slowly on the fire and Kathryn gazed vacantly into the flames dancing around them. She wondered what was happening on Voyager. Everything depended on Tuvok being able to establish another mind meld with Chakotay. If, for any reason, he was unable to do this, or was killed while attempting it, she and the crew could face having to spend the rest of their lives on this planet. It was always possible that Chakotay and the others would remember in time, but then it could be too late. Neelix lifted a potato from the fire with a fork and placed it on a plate for his captain. He sliced it open, put inside a knob of butter, and then handed the plate to her with a knife and a fork.

"Let it cool for a moment, Captain. It's very hot."

Kathryn put the plate on her lap. "Thank you, Neelix."

She began to cut the potato into smaller pieces and rubbed them into the melting butter. Suddenly, she heard Samantha Wildman calling her desperately. She turned in the direction of the voice and saw Samantha approach her. She was very distressed.

"I can't find Naomi anywhere, Captain. One moment she was with me, the next she was gone."

Kathryn stood up and put her hand on Samantha's shoulder. "Stay calm, Samantha, she can't be far."

"She was upset, Captain, afraid she wouldn't see Seven or Icheb or Voyager again. I think she may have ran off somewhere."

Kathryn caressed Samantha's arm. "We'll find her." She then turned to Tom, Harry, and Neelix who were nearby.

"Gather together a couple of groups and look for Naomi. Spread out so that all areas are covered and take torches as it'll be dark soon."

"We don't know anything about this planet," Samantha said anxiously, "anything could have happened to her."

"She's probably just hiding somewhere. As soon as it starts to get dark, she'll be back." She smiled as reassuringly as she could. "I'm sure of it."

**END OF PART ONE**


	7. Always & Forever: Part Two

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER SIX**

**ALWAYS & FOREVER**  
**Part Two**

How many hours had passed since Naomi had gone missing, Kathryn didn't know, but it had to be a few. It was dark now and the only lights were the flames of the fire and a few burning torches. Kathryn sat before the warm fire offering what comfort she could to Samantha. There were ten groups looking for Naomi now, but there was no sign of her. Kathryn was desperately worried, but tried to hide her concern from the child's mother.

Suddenly she heard Chakotay's voice speak through her commbadge.

"Chakotay to Janeway."

Kathryn hit her commbadge. "Janeway here."

"Kathryn..." he said, concern evident in his voice. "Are you alright?"

"Yes," she replied. "What's happening with you?"

"Tuvok's just performed the last mind-meld. We're ourselves again. We're going to transport you all back to the ship now."

"Wait a moment, Chakotay. Naomi ran off hours ago and we can't find her. Can you trace her?"

"We'll do a search now."

There was a long silence as the planet was scanned for Naomi's life sign. Then Chakotay spoke again.

"Yes...we've traced her. But we can't get a lock on her."

"Why not?"

"I don't know ... there's interference ... rocks of some kind. She appears to be inside some caves."

"There are no caves here ... no mountains..."

"Underground then ... mines, perhaps?"

Kathryn buried her head in her hands. This was something they were going to have to tackle from the ship. "Alright, Chakotay. Beam Samantha and I back to the ship and then the rest of the crew. We'll be able to find out more from the ship."

"Acknowledged."

* * *

Chakotay was waiting for Kathryn and Samantha in Astrometrics when they materialized. He looked drawn, tired, and his eyes were heavy with pain. He could remember everything that had happened and felt so responsible. It was his people who had rebelled, and it was he who had taken over the ship. Kathryn went over to him and put her hand on his arm. "It's good to have you back, Chakotay."

She smiled warmly and the love in her eyes was more of a comfort to him in that moment than she could ever have realized. He put his hand over hers and she squeezed it gently before turning away from him and addressing Seven.

"Alright, Seven, what have you found?"

"What appears to be a series of underground tunnels."

"Mines?"

"Perhaps. But whatever their purpose, they are unstable. The section where I have traced Naomi too is collapsing at regular intervals. My suspicion is that her presence has disturbed the structure, causing it to collapse. She may well be trapped inside."

"Why can't we beam her out?"

"Several of our systems were damaged during the Maquis incident and transporters are not functioning to their full capacity."

"Are repairs underway?"

"Yes, but they could take several hours."

Chakotay stepped forward. "Then we'll have to go into the tunnels on foot and get her."

"Too dangerous, Commander," Seven replied. "Another disturbance could cause the entire underground network to collapse."

"But the tunnels are collapsing all around Naomi," he protested. "It'll only be a matter of time before they collapse on her. We can't wait until transporters are fully operational. We need to send an away team." He paused. "I'll go into the tunnels after her, and Neelix and Tom can wait outside...Neelix with a light and Tom with a med. kit ... If she should..."

Samantha interrupted. "Let me go, Commander. She's my daughter, it should be my risk..."

Kathryn put her arm around Samantha. She was in no state to be going anywhere, and there could be all kinds of obstacles such as rocks that needed moving. It was a mission that required physical strength and Chakotay was one of the strongest and fittest men on board. "The transporters may be fully operational before Chakotay reaches Naomi. She'll need you here when we beam her onboard."

Samantha seemed to accept this and Kathryn turned to Chakotay. "But I don't want you going in alone. I want Harry to go with you."

* * *

Wearing head and body protection, Chakotay and Harry approached the mouth of the tunnel. They carried a powerful torch in their hand and also had a light attached to their helmet. They were supplied with oxygen masks incase the air was thin inside. The tunnel appeared to be more like a cave, a ragged opening in a large rock that was covered with grass. Chakotay went in first and cast his torch ahead. The passage was narrow and jagged with rocks. Harry followed him in, but after walking only a few feet, they found they had to crouch. It was clear Naomi couldn't have gone too far, not without a torch. Suddenly the tunnel turned sharply to the right and the passage became even narrower and slanted downhill, leading underground. Chakotay and Harry had to go down on their knees and crawl through it. The ground was rough but their hard clothing protected their legs from injury. Thankfully, the narrow passage didn't last long and Chakotay and Harry found themselves in a large cave. There was a wooden bridge over a seemingly bottomless pit, and half a dozen tunnels. Seven had chartered Naomi's position as best as she could, and Chakotay pulled out the chart. It seemed she was somewhere down the third tunnel. Thunder roared in the distance, the sound of rocks falling, and Chakotay pulled Harry in the direction of the tunnel.

The tunnel was narrow, and the rocky floor fell away every now and then as Chakotay and Harry tried to make their way over it. Beneath the floor was another pit that seemed bottomless and Chakotay realized the tunnels were a humanoid construction over some kind of void. They were unstable and too much weight could cause them to collapse completely. It was better if he went on alone. He stopped moving and turned slowly to Harry. "If we both try and make it through, this passage may collapse completely. You're going to have to go back."

Harry didn't want to leave Chakotay alone, but this was no time to debate the judgment of his commanding officer.

"Alright," he said. "I'll wait by the bridge."

Chakotay patted his shoulder and then continued alone.

It wasn't long before he saw another cave ahead. He scrambled to it, more rocks falling behind him. He heard the soft whimpering of a child's cry as he got closer and quickened his pace. At last he was in the cave. He flashed his torch around, but could see only rocks.

"Naomi? Are you there?"

She cried out desperately. "Commander, help me, please!"

Chakotay turned in the direction of the voice. It seemed to be coming from behind some fallen rocks. He hurried in the direction. "Are you hurt?"

"No," she cried desperately. "But I can't get out...help me, please help me..."

"It's alright, Naomi, I'm here now."

He shone his torch over the rocks and saw they were almost completely blocking a tunnel entrance. Naomi had to be inside the tunnel. His sharp eye quickly assessed the situation. The rocks had fallen from the roof of the cave so moving them wouldn't effect the structure of the tunnel and cause it to collapse on Naomi. He strapped his torch to his waist and tried to clear away some of the rocks blocking the entrance. They were heavy and he had push them away, straining his body in the attempt. At last he had cleared what he thought was a large enough hole for a child to climb out of. He peered into the gap and saw Naomi curled up inside, crying. There was a little torch in her hand, answering his question as to how she had managed to find her way in this underground labyrinth. She looked up at him and her face was red raw from tears.

"It's alright, Naomi," he said again, trying to reassure her, "I'm here now. You're going to be alright."

He reached inside the tunnel with his hands. They were bleeding, but he was oblivious to the pain. "Come to me, Naomi. I'll lift you out."

Crying, Naomi made her way over to him and he noticed the passage way was just about high enough for her to stand. He gripped her with his strong hands and carefully pulled her to safety. She clutched to him frantically and he held her tight for a moment, kissing her hair softly. "I've got you," he whispered, "I've got you."

He then hit his commbadge, hoping transporters would soon be operational.

"Chakotay to Voyager."

"Janeway here."

"I have her, Captain. She's alright. How long until you can transport us?"

"I don't know, Chakotay," Kathryn replied, her voice cracking slightly. "It may be a while yet."

"Alright. Inform the others we're on our way out."

"Yes, Chakotay." She paused, and he knew she was struggling to break their connection. "Janeway out."

Chakotay held Naomi tighter and made his way through the cave to the passage. His stomach somersaulted when he saw that almost the entire floor of the passage had collapsed. Only the edges remained in tact. There was no way he was going to be able to make it across. Thunder sounded behind him and more rocks fell inside the cave. Naomi buried her head in Chakotay's chest and he held her even tighter, fighting to suppress the fear inside. Any moment now the cave would collapse on them. He couldn't make it across the passage, but it occurred to him that perhaps Naomi could. The edges were just wide enough for a child's feet and seemed to be solidly attached to the passage walls. As far as he could see, the edge reached across the whole length of the passage. But to be sure, he hit his commbadge.

"Chakotay to Harry Kim."

"Go ahead."

"Are you still at the bridge?"

"Yes, Commander."

"Alright. Make your way to the passage."

There was a moment of silence as Harry did what he was told. Chakotay saw his torch light in the distance and knew he was at the other end.

"Has the passage collapsed your end?"

"Yes, Sir."

"What of the edges? Are there edges?"

"Yes, Commander, but very narrow."

"But wide enough for a child to stand on?"

"I would say so, Sir..."

"Yes, or no, Harry ... no maybes."

"Yes, Sir."

"Alright. Stand by. Chakotay out."

He lowered Naomi to the floor and stroked her hair softly. "I need you to be a brave girl for me, Naomi. Can you be brave?"

She hesitated, but then nodded.

"Good girl." He gestured to the passage way. "Can you think of a way across the passage?"

Naomi nodded. "I can walk on the edges, holding onto the wall."

"That's right," Chakotay smiled. He hit his commbadge. "Chakotay to Harry Kim."

"Go ahead."

"Naomi is going to cross the passage on your right hand side. I want you to shine your torch so she can see her way and I'll shine mine from this end."

"But what of you, Sir?"

"No time for questions, Harry. Chakotay out."

Chakotay put his hand on Naomi's shoulder. "Take your time, Naomi, and feel the security of the stones before you before you put your weight on them. Understand?"

"Yes, Sir," she said.

"Alright," he smiled. "Go on."

She hesitated. "Are you going to follow me?"

Chakotay nodded. "Now go. Harry will be waiting for you at the other side."

Naomi turned to the passage and stepped onto the ledge. Carefully she made her way across and Chakotay watched her. When she was half way across, he hit his commbadge and connected with Harry again.

"Can you see her, Harry?"

"Yes, she's over half way."

"When you have her, make the hell out of here."

"Sir...?"

"I'm not going to be able to make it across. Just get Naomi to safety."

More thunder sounded behind him as more rocks fell. "Do you understand, Harry?"

Harry's reply was quiet. He understood only too well. "Yes, Sir."

Chakotay watched as Naomi continued across the passage. She was near the torch light now ... almost there...

Then she and the torch light were gone.

Chakotay leant against the wall and closed his eyes in relief. He then looked up, around... More of the passage way fell now and rocks fell behind him. He was going to die, he knew it...any moment now the cave was going to collapse.

"Janeway to Chakotay."

He hit his commbadge. "Kathryn..."

"Sensors show us that Naomi and Harry are leaving the tunnels but you're still inside..."

"Yes," he whispered. "The passage way has collapsed ... there's no way I can get out..."

There was a long painful silence before Kathryn spoke. "But the structure is collapsing ... you must get out..."

"There's no way out, Kathryn ... I'm trapped."

Thunder sounded behind him and more rocks fell.

"We're going to get you out of there, Chakotay," he heard Kathryn answer. "We..."

There was another thunderous roar, and then all was black.

* * *

Kathryn paced sickbay anxiously and shouted atSeven through her commbadge to get the transporters fully operational. The Doctor put his hand on her shoulder. "Shouting at Seven is not going to help, Captain. Try and stay calm..."

Kathryn turned to him sharply. "Calm, Doctor? How the hell can I be calm? Chakotay is buried beneath tons of rock. He may be..." She couldn't say it, couldn't think it...

"Seven of Nine to the Captain. We have a lock on him. Stand by for transport."

In moments, Chakotay materialized on one of the biobeds. Kathryn stifled a scream at the sight of him. He was covered in blood and his legs were horribly crushed and twisted. The Doctor was instantly at his side and what happened next, Kathryn could only recall as a blur.

"He's dead," she heard the Doctor cry, "cortical stimulator, now!"

Colors blurred before her eyes as the Doctor and Tom moved around the bed, desperately trying to save him.

Then she felt Tom's hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Captain. There's nothing more we can do."

Kathryn shook him loose and went over to Chakotay. "Keep trying, Doctor."

"Captain, there's..."

"I said keep trying!"

The Doctor did as she requested and Kathryn took Chakotay's limp hand in hers.

"Don't leave me now," she whispered. "Not now..."

The dead beep of the monitor began to change and Chakotay's chest began to move.

"He's coming back," the Doctor said, "he's coming back..."

* * *

White...bright lights...a mist...

It cleared slowly and Chakotay saw B'Elanna's face smiling down at him.

"Welcome back," she whispered.

Chakotay closed his eyes as the light hurt them. "Naomi," he murmured.

"She's fine, just fine."

At that he calmed again ... but something wasn't right, something felt wrong...

"My legs," he muttered.

B'Elanna squeezed his hand. "Anaesthetized. Your legs were badly broken by the rocks and the Doctor has anaesthetized them."

It was all he needed to know for now.

Chakotay opened his eyes and looked into hers. "The Doctor can set broken bones, he doesn't need to anaesthetize them. Tell me the truth..."

B'Elanna bit her lip and was a moment in answering. "They were crushed by the rocks, Chakotay. The Doctor has operated on them to restore veins and neural pathways, but it's going to take several more operations to reconstruct the muscles, bone and everything else. The Doctor has anaesthetized them to spare you pain."

"Will I walk again?"

B'Elanna squeezed his hand. "We don't know, Chakotay. We really don't know. The Doctor is hopeful, but it's too early to say."

"I see," he whispered.

"But if the Doctor can restore a borg drone," B'Elanna continued, trying to sound as reassuring as she could, "I'm sure he can restore your legs."

Chakotay looked to the side, hoping to see Kathryn, but saw only an empty space. "Where's Kathryn?"

"She's on duty. She'll be with you as soon as she can."

Chakotay nodded again, but was not sure he believed her. When he had been injured on away missions in the past, she had always been distant with him ffor a few days after, and it would be as the Captain she would talk to him. But now they were a couple, she couldn't use the Captain as a screen for her feelings any more. She would have to face them. And that was something Kathryn wasn't very good at doing. She usually locked them away deep inside the captain and refused to acknowledge their existence.

* * *

**A WEEK LATER**

The Doctor had performed several operations on Chakotay's legs and he could walk a little on them now with the help of crutches. He hated staying in sickbay, but the Doctor needed to monitor his condition and didn't want him returning to his quarters where he would be all alone. Not once had Kathryn been to see him, and Chakotay was extremely worried about her. B'Elanna told him she kept very much to her ready room or her quarters and had hardly been on the bridge all week. He didn't know what to do for the best: .try to talk to her over the comm, or ask her to come and see him. In the end he had done neither, deciding she would come and see him if, and when, she was up to it.

He was almost asleep when he heard Kathryn's voice in the distance. His senses awoke and he sat up a little. In the dim light he could see Kathryn talking with the Doctor. The Doctor put his hand on her arm, she nodded, and then the Doctor deactivated himself. She then turned in Chakotay's direction and slowly walked over to the bed. Chakotay saw that her face was pale and there were dark shadows under her eyes.

"How are you?"

"Doing well," he answered. "A couple more operations and my legs should be as good as new." He paused. "How are you?"

"I'm alright," she said, averting her eyes.

Chakotay gestured to the chair beside the bed.

"Please, sit."

Slowly, silently, she sat.

There was so much that Chakotay wanted to say, but he wanted her to be the first to speak. If he knew which direction she was going, he could better navigate her. For what seemed an eternity, she just sat silently before him, staring at her hands. Then she looked up at him.

"With everything that happened, I didn't get a chance to send a letter to Starfleet Command." She paused. "But that's just aswell because... " She placed her engagement ring on the edge of the bed. "I can't marry you, Chakotay."

Chakotay had expected this, but still the words hurt him.

"We were wrong ... personal and professional ... they don't ... I can't... Captain and First Officer is what we are, and...and we should go back to how things were."

"We can never go back to how things were," Chakotay said kindly. "You know that..."

Kathryn looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "You died, Chakotay. When we were finally able to get you out of that cave, you were dead. Do you have any idea what that was like for me? I thought I'd lost you, Chakotay. I can't go through it again. I can't love only to lose again. Not here, not now. I need to be focused, need to be the captain..."

"I understand that, Kathryn. I've lost people too ... almost everyone I've ever cared about. And too many times over the past six years I've come close to losing you. When our shuttle crashed three years ago, you lay dead on the ground before me. I did everything that I could to revive you, screamed at you to breathe ... but there was nothing I could do ... nothing. So yes, I know exactly how you felt. You're not the only one to love and to lose, and you're not the only one whose afraid here. If you want the truth, I'm terrified of losing you, Kathryn, absolutely terrified. I've never loved or needed anyone in my entire life as much as I love and need you. But if we spend the rest of our lives fearing the future, we lose the happiness that waits for us in the present, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life regretting the mistakes of the past. I don't know how long we will have together ... it could be weeks, it could be the rest of our lives, but what I do know is that I love you and want to be with you for as long as we can have together."

Kathryn was quiet for a long time, but then looked up at him. "Everyone thinks that because the captain is so strong, that Kathryn is too. But she isn't strong, Chakotay. Kathryn survives by letting the captain dominate."

"Which means not letting anyone get too close."

Kathryn nodded. "But you're right. I'm not the only one to have loved and lost and I'm not the only one who is scared here. And you're right that we can't keep taking a backward step every time something happens." She paused. "You needed me this week more than ever and I should have been here for you. I'm sorry. I'll won't let you down again. I promise..."

Chakotay smiled. "Does that mean we're still getting married?"

Kathryn had to smile at that. "I guess it means we are..."

They looked into each others eyes a moment, and then Chakotay picked up the ring and slipped it back onto her finger.

* * *

The Mess Hall was beautifully decorated with all kinds of colorful flowers and music played softly as Chakotay waited with Tom and Tuvok for his bride to appear. He was dressed in a white suit with a light blue shirt underneath and, although his legs were still weak, he could stand unaided now. Suddenly Harry's clarinet sounded and the mess hall doors opened. Chakotay caught his breath when Kathryn appeared. She was dressed in a long sleeveless white gown that sparkled in the light. Her hair was swept back from her face and a beautiful tiara glistened on top of it. In her hands she held a magnificent bouquet of blue, yellow, and pink flowers. Kathryn smiled as her eyes met Chakotay's and then slowly began to walk towards him. Naomi proudly followed, dressed in a pretty gown of pale blue satin.

At last, Kathryn reached Chakotay. They smiled at each other and gazed deep into each others eyes for a moment, neither doubting the promises they were about to make to each other. Kathryn handed her bouquet to Naomi and then joined hands with Chakotay. The music stopped and Tuvok began the ceremony.

"Ladies and gentlemen. We are gathered here today to witness the marriage of two very special people we know as our Captain and First Officer. But it is not as Captain and First Officer they come before us today, but simply as Kathryn and Chakotay." He turned to Chakotay. "Chakotay. Do you take this woman, Kathryn May Janeway, as your lawful wedded wife? To love her, to honor her, to comfort and to cherish her, from this day forward, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?"

Chakotay squeezed Kathryn's hands. "I do."

"Kathryn May Janeway. Do you take this man, Chakotay, to be your lawful wedded husband? To love him, to honor him, to comfort and to cherish him, from this day forward, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?"

Kathryn smiled. "I do."

Tom stepped forward and Kathryn and Chakotay took the wedding rings they were going to give each other from the blue velvet box he was holding. Tom then stepped aside. Chakotay took Kathryn's hand in his and waited for Tuvok to speak. He did.

"Repeat after me. I, Chakotay, give you, Kathryn, this ring as a symbol of our marriage."

Chakotay slipped the ring onto her finger. "I, Chakotay, give you, Kathryn, this ring as a symbol of our marriage."

Tuvok then turned to Kathryn. Repeat after me. "I, Kathryn, give you, Chakotay, this ring as a symbol of our marriage."

Kathryn slipped the ring onto his finger, struggling a little to get it over his knuckle. "I, Kathryn, give you, Chakotay, this ring as a symbol of our marriage."

Tuvok then united their hands and lay his over them. "Now, with the authority invested in me by Starfleet Command, I pronounce you husband and wife."

The crew broke into rapturous applause as Chakotay drew Kathryn into his arms and kissed her gently.

**END OF PART TWO**


	8. Precious Memories

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

**PRECIOUS MEMORIES**

Chakotay watched as Kathryn slept. He had spent many nights just watching her, listening to the soft rhythm of her breathing. For so many years he had loved her, and now that she was his, completely his, he was almost afraid of going to sleep incase he woke up to find it was only a dream. He moved a strand of hair away from her face, careful not to wake her. There was such a contented smile on her face, such a complete look of peace. The Doctor told him her health had improved significantly since marrying him, and he was glad she was at last sleeping full nights. Chakotay had laughed at that and told him not to spread the word, or it could cast aspersions on his manhood.

"Kim to Captain Janeway. Please come to the bridge immediately."

The message went unheard by the sleeping Captain. Chakotay hated to wake her from this blissful sleep, but duty was calling, and when it did, he knew she would want to respond. He kissed her cheek.

"Kathryn, my love, wake up."

She stirred awake beneath him just in time to hear Harry's second announcement.

"Kim to Captain Janeway. Please come to the bridge as soon as possible."

Chakotay couldn't help chuckle. It was obvious Harry was trying to be discrete, no doubt having been briefed on why it might not be possible for her to immediately respond to his message.

Kathryn sat up. "Computer, what time is it?"

"01:07 hours."

Kathryn sighed. "It must be serious to wake me at this hour." She put her hand on Chakotay's shoulder. "You go back to sleep. I'll call you if I need you."

* * *

Still not quite awake, Kathryn walked over to Harry's station.

"Report."

"We've been hailed by the leader of a species called Andorak. He says he will destroy us if we continue to travel through their space."

"I thought this part of space belonged to no one."

"Well, the Andorak claim it as their own."

"Did he give a reason why we can't travel through?"

"No, Captain."

"Hail them."

Harry established a connection and the leader appeared on the view screen.

"I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway," Kathryn began. "I understand that we're..."

"I don't care who you are," the man interrupted. "We demand that you leave our space at once or we will destroy your ship."

"We didn't mean to trespass," Kathryn continued. "Submit us a chart of your boundary and we'll leave your space as soon as we can."

The man pressed a couple of buttons on the console before him. "Chart sent. Now leave our space or we will be left with no option but to destroy you."

With that he terminated the connection and the screen went blank.

Kathryn turned to Harry. "Mr Kim, have we received the chart?"

"Yes, Captain," he replied.

"How large is their territory?"

"Large, Captain, but we're only on the fringe of it. If we go back on course and don't detour to explore that nebula we were going to, then we'll avoid their space completely."

"Then get us back on course," Kathryn replied, "maximum warp."

"It's going to take a few hours," Harry continued. "To think they're so defensive, it took them long enough to notice we're in their space."

"Which is probably why they want us to leave so quickly. They've obviously not been doing their job of monitoring the border properly. Just get us out of their space as fast as you can."

With that, she left the bridge and returned to her quarters.

* * *

The following morning, Kathryn worked busily at her console, trying to process a vital piece of information. Chakotay joined her on the bridge and planted a loving kiss on her neck before taking his seat beside her. Kathryn glared at him. He knew he was not supposed to be intimate with her while they were on duty, certainly not when they were on the bridge. He smiled at her warmly. "A temporary lapse."

She shook her head, smiling inspite of herself.

"Captain..."

"Yes, Tuvok."

"Ships are surrounding us, fifty in all."

Kathryn's stomach flipped. "On Screen."

An Armada of giant silver vessels stretched out before them. Kathryn stood up, her heart pounding.

"They are Andorak, Captain."

"Hail them," she said, trying not to show the anxiety she felt.

"They are not responding. They are firing weapons."

The ship shook as it was struck and Kathryn was thrown to the floor. She struggled back into her seat.

"Try again, Tuvok. Keep hailing them until they respond."

"We should fire in return, Captain."

"No. We are no match for them. If we fire back, they may destroy us instantly. We..."

The ship span suddenly and she was hurled from her seat. She cried out in agony as her body slammed against cold metal.

Then all was black.

Voices sounded far away... they were getting louder, lights brighter...

Kathryn stirred, but every movement convulsed her body with excruciating pain.

"Be still, Captain. You have been damaged."

Seven.

"I'm alright," she whispered, and vaguely aware that she was still on the bridge, reached out to grab the edge of her chair to try and raise herself.

"Quite the contrary, Captain. You have multiple fractures and internal injuries. Be still."

The heavy mist began to clear from Kathryn's eyes and she could make sense of her surroundings. Her heart stopped at the first sight to greet her. Chakotay was lying lifelessly on the floor beside her, blood running down his face.

"No," she cried, dragging her body over to his. "No, Chakotay..."

Shedesperately fumbled for his pulse and relief consumed her when she found it beating steadily.

"Captain, the leading Andorak vessel is hailing us."

She tried to turn her body to face the screen, but her body was not co-operating. "Help me, Seven," she cried, "lift me up."

"Captain, you have been damaged, you need..."

"Just help me, Seven!"

Seven reluctantly helped Kathryn to sit back against the foot of her chair just in time to receive the transmission.

"We warned you, Captain. Leave our space or we destroy you."

"We are leaving your space," she cried in angry desperation. "Can't you see that we are leaving your space?"

"Not fast enough".

"We're traveling as fast as we can. We..."

A flash of light, then he was gone. All was still. Silent.

"What the... Tuvok, report."

"We have new bearings, Captain. We no longer appear to be in Andorak space..."

Kathryn inhaled sharply. What was going on? What the hell was going on?

She felt Seven's hand on her arm. "You are damaged, Captain. We must get you to sick bay."

"Chakotay first and any other injured crew. I must find out what's going on..."

"Captain..."

"Just do it!"

"Yes, Captain."

Sweat poured down Kathryn's face as she tried to fight the agonizing pain that consumed every part of her body. Both her legs were broken, of that she was sure, and every other bone in her body screamed in torment too.

"Try to get a precise bearing of our location, Tuvok," she said, forcing herself to focus... "and our distance from the Alpha Quadrant."

"I think you will find you are precisely 37,000 light years away."

Kathryn gasped at that familiar voice. "Q."

He knelt beside her. "I couldn't leave you to be destroyed by that most ungracious species, now could I? No, no, no. Call it a helping hand from a friend."

Kathryn turned her head towards him and smiled weakly. "I never thought I would have occasion to be grateful to you."

"Now, now, Kathy, that's most uncharitable," he smiled.

An excruciating pain tore across her chest and she clutched it, murmuring in agony. Q's eyes darkened at her suffering and he clicked his fingers, instantly restoring her to health.

"Now, Kathy, I must be going. Much to do, so little time, even for an immortal..."

Kathryn opened her mouth to speak, but he was gone.

She stood up, glad to feel whole again, and approached Tuvok. "How many crew injured?"

"Thirty, Captain, but no fatalities."

She sighed in relief. "And the ship?"

"Extensive damage on the starboard side, but a day or two of repairs should be sufficient to restore perfect condition."

She turned to Harry. "And our location, Mr Kim?"

"Just as Q said. 37,000 light years from the Alpha Quadrant. But we're over seven hundred light years off course," he continued. "It's going to take us several months to get back on it which means we're not going be able to communicate with home in that time."

"A few months will soon pass," she said, trying to keep up the spirits of the crew. "Let's just think of all the interesting things we'll have to tell them when we're in touch again."

* * *

Kathryn expected Chakotay to be making jokes with the Doctor when she walked into sick-bay, but it was a completely different scenario that she walked into. She was stopped by the Doctor almost before she had even set foot in the room.

"I'm glad you are here at last, Captain."

The look on his face struck her heart with an anxiety that made her reply sharper than she had intended. "Why, is there a problem?"

"Yes. It's Commander Chakotay..."

"What of him?"

"He...he has suffered severe head injuries. I have repaired all the damage that I can, but he has not responded to treatment and.."

Kathryn could hardly breathe from fear... "He's not dead? Please tell me he's not dead..."

The Doctor put his hand on her shoulder. "No, Captain. But he's in a coma and I can't tell you what the chances are of him coming out of it. Even if he does, he may well have permanent brain damage."

* * *

Kathryn sat next to Chakotay's bed, holding his hand in hers. She gazed at him, not taking her eyes off his face for a moment. She had been sitting with him almost around the clock since the accident. She wanted her face to be the first face he saw when he woke up. She had promised him that she wouldn't let him down again and she would keep that promise with all that she was. Fortunately they were in an uneventful part of space and she hadn't been needed on the bridge more than once or twice. She was wearing casual clothes, brown trousers and a cream shirt, rather than her uniform, as she wanted it to be Chakotay's wife who greeted him, not his captain. She had her commbadge if anyone wanted to contact her and had armed herself with her tricorder and phaser in the event of an emergency.

She felt a kind hand on her shoulder. It was the Doctor's.

"You should get some rest, Captain."

"I'm fine, Doctor," she replied.

"That's a matter of opinion. When was the last time you ate? Slept? You can't go on like this. You must rest. I'll contact you if there is any change."

"I'm alright, Doctor."

One of the monitors attached to Chakotay began to bleep. Kathryn turned to it anxiously. "What's happening?"

The Doctor hurried over to the monitor. "He's regaining consciousness."

Kathryn turned back to Chakotay and squeezed his hand in happy anticipation. His precious eyes fluttered open and Kathryn smiled warmly. "Welcome back."

His eyes moved from her face to his surroundings and his breathing quickened. "Where am I?"

"You're in sick bay," Kathryn replied. "You were injured on the bridge."

He withdrew his hand from hers, his anxiety increasing by the second. "Who are you?"

Kathryn swallowed nervously. "You know who I am, Chakotay..."

Chakotay sat up. "Why am I here, and where is my crew?"

Kathryn shared a concerned glance with the Doctor, who then went over to his patient.

"Relax, Commander, all is..."

"Starfleet," Chakotay cried when he saw the Doctor's uniform. "I should have known Starfleet would be behind it all. What was that wave? Some kind of illusion so you could trap us?"

"You are suffering..."

"Tell me where I am and what you have done with my people!"

"You are onboard the U.S.S. Voyager," the Doctor said calmly.

"Janeway," Chakotay cried. "I should have known that bitch would use trickery to trap us."

Kathryn simply stared at Chakotay. This could not be happening. It had to be a dream, a terrible nightmare. She once again felt the Doctor's hand on her shoulder. "I think you should wait outside, Captain."

Chakotay turned his attention from the Doctor to Kathryn. "Captain. So you're Captain Janeway. Not much to you, is there? I would have expected more of Starfleet's "secret weapon" against the Maquis." He suddenly seized her by the shoulders. "Tell me what you've done with my people."

Kathryn could not speak, could hardly think...

"Commander, please," the Doctor said fearfully.

"I said tell me what you've done with my crew!"

The Doctor stepped closer to restrain him, but in an instant Chakotay was off the bed and holding Kathryn hostage. He reached for her phaser and pointed it at her stomach. "If you don't release my people and my ship, I will kill your Captain."

"Commander, if you will only let us explain..."

He poked the phaser deeper into Kathryn's stomach. "I said release my people and my ship. Is that understood?"

"I...I...Yes, Commander," the Doctor mumbled, racking his holographic brains to think what to do. There was only one thing he could think of. "Doctor to B'Elanna Torres. Please come to sickbay immediately."

Kathryn tried to move in Chakotay's grasp, but every move she made only forced him to hold her tighter. "I'm not your enemy," she said, desperately trying not to cry. "Please let me go, Chakotay. You're hurting me."

"Not until you've released my crew."

"There is no crew to release. You've been wounded, lost your memory... Much has happened since what you can remember..."

But her words achieved nothing. He was not going to listen. It was all real to him. He really believed she was responsible for the phenomenon that had brought them to the Delta Quadrant and that she was holding him and his crew captive.

B'Elanna came in and stared in confusion at the scene before her. "What's going on?"

The Doctor approached her and tried to whisper discretely. "The Commander is suffering from Amnesia. He thinks..."

He was interrupted by Chakotay who was staring in disbelief at B'Elanna. "What the hell are you doing in that uniform?"

B'Elanna slowly approached him. "I'm a member of this crew now, Chief Engineer. And you're the First Officer, husband of the Captain."

Chakotay stepped away from her, drawing Kathryn back with him. "She is not B'Elanna Torres. She's a hologram, an illusion."

"No, Chakotay, I swear. If you will only listen..."

"This is a trick, an attempt to deceive me so I release the Captain. Well it won't work. Either you release my crew and my ship, or I kill your precious Captain."

"This is no trick, Chakotay. We're in the Delta Quadrant after being drawn here by the Caretaker. Our ship was destroyed in a battle with the Kazon and we all now serve aboard Voyager as we try to make our way home. We've been traveling for almost seven years..."

"I don't believe a word of it."

"Then take a look around, look at the monitors. It's 2378, not 2371."

"Dates can be altered, part of the illusion. How do I know this isn't the holodeck? Voyager has holodecks, does it not?"

The pressure against Kathryn's throat was unbearable now, and a million emotions were raging through her mind... She leant back against him, taking deep breaths, forcing herself to think, forcing herself to be the Captain. He wouldn't hurt her, of that she was certain. She knew him, knew him better than she had ever known anyone. He would rather die himself than take another life unnecessarily and had saved her from Garl even when he was under Teero's influence.

"If you know of me, Chakotay," she cried, "you'll know that I can't be bribed or threatened. I can't release your crew because everything B'Elanna has told you is true. And even if it weren't, even if it were 2371 and I your enemy, I would not give in to you. You would have to kill me. So kill me, Chakotay, because I can't give you what you ask."

She saw the terrified look on the faces of B'Elanna and the Doctor as Chakotay clutched her even tighter for a moment. She cried out at the crushing pain, but as soon as her cry escaped her lips, Chakotay released her as though she was suddenly hot to the touch. As he let go of her, she fell against the bed, breathless.

Chakotay glanced at B'Elanna, the Doctor, and then Kathryn, and it was obvious that he was confused and terrified.

The Doctor approached him. "All is as B'Elanna tells you, Commander. You were injured on the bridge and have suffered memory loss."

Frightened tears welled in his eyes. He didn't believe for a moment what they were telling him, but he was outnumbered and if he continued to defy them, they would sedate him, or worse, kill him.

"I think a tour of the ship might help convince you, Commander," the Doctor continued. "It might even help jog your memory." He turned to Kathryn. "Captain, I believe it would be best for you to accompany him."

Kathryn hesitated, but then nodded.

"And B'Elanna," Chakotay added. Even if she was not the real B'Elanna, and she certainly didn't look like she did the last time he had seen her, it was at least comforting to have a familiar figure around.

* * *

Chakotay looked around the bridge. Nothing was in the least familiar.

"This is where you sit," B'Elanna said, pointing to his chair. "The Captain sits next to you."

"As I would expect if we are supposed to be Captain and First Officer," he said coldly. "I have been on Starfleet vessels before. The real B'Elanna Torres would..." He stopped when he saw Tom Paris walking towards him.

Tom smiled in his usual jocular way. "How is the head?"

"Tom Paris, you God damn traitor! What are you doing here?"

Tom looked at him in confusion. "Commander?"

Chakotay saw Tuvok directly behind him. "And Tuvok! Well, Mr Vulcan, I had my doubts about you. I was suspicious the moment you asked to join my crew, but I figured it was better to face the devil than to run for him. I knew Janeway intended to infiltrate the Maquis and I was prepared." He turned to B'Elanna. "But you, B'Elanna. I would never have taken you for a traitor. I thought you were one of us!" He then turned again to Kathryn. "Tell me what you've done with my crew!"

"Look around you, Chakotay," B'Elanna interrupted. "You'll see your crew. They're part of this crew now."

Chakotay looked around. Sure enough, there were several members of his crew busy working. But still he couldn't bring himself to believe what he was hearing. He didn't want to believe it. "You've been coerced or threatened. Damn it! What did she offer you? Your lives and freedom in return for details on the Maquis? Are you all so easily broken!"

Kathryn's head was hurting from lack of food, sleep, and all the worry of the past week, and her neck was sore from Chakotay's rough grip. Feeling a little dizzy, she held onto the bar that divided the bridge. It was just a subtle action, but one that went observed by the Doctor.

"You need to rest," he said, looking at her in concern.

At those words, Kathryn removed her hand from the bar. "I'm alright, Doctor. Besides, Chakotay needs me."

"You'll be no use to him or anyone else if you collapse of exhaustion, Captain. You must rest. Doctor's orders."

Kathryn sighed. She really didn't feel like another battle right now. "Very well, Doctor. I'll go to my quarters for a while."

Once she had left the bridge, Chakotay turned back to B'Elanna. "Now that she's gone, tell me the truth."

"We've told you the truth, Chakotay," she replied. "If you can't believe it, then for everyone's sake, and especially for the Captain's, at least try and keep an open mind."

* * *

Sleep came easier than Kathryn thought it woud. Her body was so tired that she fell asleep almost as soon as she lay back in her favourite chair. She slept for a long time until the sound of the door chime woke her.

Kathryn sat up and put her hand to her aching neck. "Come in."

The Doctor came in.

Kathryn got to her feet. "Has Chakotay's memory returned?"

"No, Captain," the Doctor said sadly. "And I have to tell you that the Commander's condition is serious." He paused. "I haven't been able to do all the tests I need to as the Commander won't let me, but the tests I have done indicate that his condition is most likely permanent."

Kathryn's already pale face, paled further at that. "But there must be something you can do..."

"I'm afraid not, Captain. The only thing I can suggest is that wecontinue trying to stimulate his memory. It might help."

Kathryn looked away from the Doctor and walked over to the window.

"If Chakotay has lost his memory for good," she said quietly, "then we've lost him for good..."

"Not necessarily," the Doctor continued. "His memory of eveything before Voyager seems to be fine and there doesn't seem to be any further brain damage..."

Kathryn turned to the Doctor now, anger setting in. "But everything we are is based on memory, Doctor! If Chakotay doesn't get his memories back, then we've lost the Chakotay we all knew and loved and he's lost his life!"

"He isn't dead, Captain," the Doctor argued. "He retains memories of most of his past and he still has a future..."

"But what kind of a future, Doctor? He doesn't know us..."

"He can get to know us, just like he did before..."

"And how is that going to happen when he thinks we're keeping him hostage?"

"By getting him to accept that we're not." He paused. "And once he's accepted his condition, he's going to need all your love and support to get through this."

Kathryn turned back to the window. "What good will my love be to him when he doesn't even know me?"

"Because all this is very frightening for him, Captain. Imagine if you woke up one morning and found yourself on another ship with people you had always believe to be an enemy telling you it had been your home for several years? But if he finds friendship here, and love, then it may all be a little less frightening. He's lost seven years of his life, seven years that have changed his life considerably. He's bound to feel very displaced and alone."

Kathryn was quiet for a moment, then she spoke. "What if he doesn't want my love, Doctor?"

"He will want it," the Doctor replied. "Believe me, he will want it."

* * *

"You've sure done a great job of trying to convince me this little illusion is real," Chakotay said, looking around Kathryn's quarters and seeing Indian relics scattered here and there, suggesting he shared the room with her. "But I have to tell you, I'm not convinced yet."

Kathryn stepped closer to him. "What will convince you?"

"Nothing. I know the truth."

"Which is that I am keeping you captive?"

"Yes."

"So why am I in here alone with you? You threatened to kill me in sickbay earlier today. If we were enemies, do you really think I would risk my life by being alone with you like this? Look at me, Chakotay. I am unarmed, I have no way of defending myself against you."

"And if it was true, that I am suffering from Amnesia, wouldn't you be protecting yourself from me? You were on a mission to capture me, after all."

"I know I have no reason to protect myself from you. I know you would never hurt me, whether you are the Chakotay of now or seven years ago."

She looked deep into his eyes and the warmth he saw there momentarily made him flinch. He looked away. "You are contained in a forcefield or are some kind of hologram. You know you are protected."

Kathryn drew close to him and put her hand on his shoulder to show that there was no barrier between them.

"There is no forcefield, and I am no hologram. We are unable to project holograms into this part of the ship. The Doctor comes here only by his holo emitor."

Chakotay lowered his head and she could feel him tremble violently. She stroked his arm in a comforting gesture. "Everything you have been told is true. The wave you think I caused was generated by a species we know only as the Caretaker. He drew you and your crew into the Delta Quadrant, and he drew us too when we went to the Badlands in search of your vessel. I destroyed his array to save an alien civilization called the Ocampa, but that action stranded us here in the Delta Quadrant as the array was the only certain way home. Our two crews united and for almost seven years we've been trying to make our way back to the Alpha Quadrant. So much has happened in that time. You and I have married, and I love you very much."

Chakotay's shoulders quivered and she could tell he wanted to cry. He looked up at her, his eyes wet with unshed tears. "This is a cruel game, Captain. Please don't do this to me."

Kathryn took his hands in hers and held them tight. "I promise you, Chakotay, I'm telling the truth."

A million emotions flashed in his eyes, but Kathryn could see there the desire to believe, even as he broke away from her.

"How am I supposed to believe it? How am I supposed to believe that Starfleet and Maquis marry?"

"Because it's the truth." Kathryn picked up their wedding photo. "Take a look at this."

She held it out to him. Hesitantly he took it. He gazed at it a long time before speaking. "It's an illusion."

"No. It's real. Absolutely real."

Chakotay looked up at her. "If it's real, then kiss me now like you're kissing me there."

Kathryn stepped close to him and took the picture from his hand. She put it down on the table next to her and then slipped her arms around his neck. She closed her eyes and kissed him softly. He murmured and then lightly pushed her away. No one had ever kissed him with such tenderness before. No one had ever looked at him the way she looked at him.

"It can't be true," he whispered. "It can't..."

"I know you're frightened, Chakotay, and I know I am a stranger to you. But I love you and I'm here for you. Don't be afraid. Just trust me, just believe me."

As he looked into her eyes, something stirred deep inside, something compelling him to trust her. "I believe you," he whispered. "I believe you."

* * *

Chakotay lay still in the bed he was told he shared with his wife. He watched Kathryn move about the room as she got ready for bed. He found himself captivated by her. He thought she was very beautiful, with pale skin and bright copper hair, and her eccentricity highly amused him. She was so methodical in everything she did, the perfect scientist. At last she stopped moving around the room. She stood before the bed and glanced at him before taking off her robe. He momentarily looked away, but found himself drawn to her again. Almost uncomfortably, she took off the robe and lay it on the chair beside the bed. She wore a low cut blue satin nightdress with only thin shoulder straps. Chakotay caught his breath at the beauty of her body. Kathryn got in the bed and sat beside him. She reached for her cup on her bedside table and took a drink.

"Decaffeinated coffee," she smiled. "So long as I have the taste, anything will do."

"I take it then you like coffee?"

"Oh yes."

She picked up a chocolate cookie and handed the plate to him. "Would you like one?"

"No, thank you."

"No cookie? You love these things."

"I'm alright, really, Captain."

Kathryn put the plate back on the table. "Let's establish some ground rules here. When we're alone, you call me Kathryn, alright?"

"Yes, Capt..." He smiled apologetically. "Kathryn."

His smile did not convince her. She could tell he was distinctively uneasy in her company.

"We don't have to share, Chakotay," she said kindly. "If it would be easier for you, I'll arrange for you to sleep somewhere else."

"There's no need for that," he said quietly. "I'm your husband and belong at your side."

"But it wasn't you who married me, it was ... your future self. You don't have to feel obliged to do anything."

"My people take marriage very seriously, Capt ... Kathryn. Whether I remember marrying you or not, I am your husband and have obligations towards you."

His words unintentionally hurt her and she turned away.

He was too perceptive to miss her pain. "I've said something wrong."

"No, Chakotay," she said softly. "Just to me, a husband ... or rather a wife, is a friend, a lover, not an obligation."

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I never meant..."

"I know," she said quietly. "It's not your fault."

"Perhaps it would be easier for you if I slept somewhere else."

"No, I ... I want you here." She looked up at him. "Just be yourself with me, Chakotay. I know you for what you are and I love you for what you are."

He smiled warmly, but her words were not the comfort he knew she intended. It was disturbing to think a stranger could know him so intimately.

"May I ask you something?"

"Anything, Chakotay."

"How did you and I ... How did we fall in love?"

Kathryn was a moment in answering as she thought about the answer. "I suppose because we have so much in common and we share the same ideals and values. We both love space exploration and archaeology and very quickly felt at ease in each others company." She paused. "Of course, that isn't to say our relationship was always easy. I was afraid you see and you..." She stopped as tears welled in her eyes. This was hard, so hard... "I think I'd better brush my teeth," she said, and got out of bed. Without looking at Chakotay, she made her way to the bathroom.

Kathryn was a long time in the bathroom. Too long, Chakotay thought. It didn't take half an hour to brush your teeth. From the look on her face just before she left, it wasn't hard to guess what she was doing there either. Sure enough, when she eventually returned, her eyes were red and puffy. Her pain knifed his heart, even if she was a stranger to him. She must have seen his pity reflected in his eyes because she looked away from them.

"There was a short circuit ... the water conduit..."

She obviously didn't want him to know that she had been crying. He nodded, going along with it. Kathryn walked over to the bed and climbed inside. Chakotay noticed that she was trembling slightly as she turned towards him.

"I would like ... I would like to sleep now," she said quietly.

"So would I," he whispered.

Kathryn gave a dazed nod and then lay down. She pulled the covers tight around herself, almost as though protecting herself.

"Computer, dim lights," she said in a voice that was just audible.

Immediately the lights faded and only starlight filled the room. Chakotay lay down too. He lay on his back, slightly turned towards Kathryn, and gazed at her silhouette form. Only hours ago in his perception of reality this woman had been his enemy. But now it was not hostility he felt towards her, only a strange and inexplicable desire to protect.

* * *

Kathryn rubbed her tired eyes as she waited for the silver doors leading to her quarters to open. They opened and she stepped in. A delicious smell of cooking greeted her, and her table was all set for a meal. Chakotay was pouring her a glass of wine. For a moment it seemed like old times. Chakotay often had a meal waiting for her when she finished her shift. But when he looked up at her, it was impossible to forget. Oh, he looked at her kindly, smiled his beautiful smile, but there was no love in his eyes.

"I thought you would be hungry."

"That was very thoughtful of you."

Kathryn went over to the table and he pulled out her chair for her to sit down. She did so with a thankful nod. "What have you made us?"

"Pachebri. It's one of..."

"Your favorites. Mine too."

He seemed disappointed. "Of course. I've probably made it for you lots of times."

"Not enough times."

She began to scoop the pasta based meal from the dish, and then helped herself to some vegetables. Chakotay stood, watching her.

"Well, Chakotay, join me."

He nodded and then sat opposite her. "Forgive me, Kathryn. All this is still so new to me."

"I understand."

Chakotay began to eat and they ate for a long time in silence, smiling at each other awkwardly every now and then. Kathryn ate fast as she was starving.

"You have a healthy appetite," Chakotay commented.

Kathryn laughed. "Not always. The Doctor's always reprimanding me for not eating enough, or rather for eating too irregularly. It's strange. I'm so regimented when it comes to my duties, but when it come to eating, sleeping, I've never got into a routine. I've started to lately since..." She paused in mid sentence. "I could do with some more wine."

Chakotay poured her some and then turned back to his food.

"How did you and I get together? B'Elanna says we loved each other years before we did."

Kathryn put down her wine. "It's a long and complicated story," she said sadly. "Suffice it to say we had a little help from ... a friend."

Chakotay hesitated. "Why did it take us so long?"

"For many reasons. You thought your Maquis past would be a problem for me, that if I got involved with you I would be frowned upon when we got home. And because you kept silent about your feelings after New Earth, I thought you no longer cared for me that way. I was sure that if you wanted a relationship with me you would tell me. But once we were back on the ship, you never mentioned your feelings. I waited for you too, because I needed the impetus to come from you, and I tried to show you how interested I was by inviting you to romantic things like a moonlight sail on Lake George. I even once told you I couldn't imagine living a day without you. But still you were silent."

"I'm sorry," Chakotay replied.

"You thought you were doing the right thing by staying silent," Kathryn replied, "and I should have been braver, should have confronted you."

"Why didn't you?"

Kathryn lowered her eyes and picked up her glass of wine uncomfortably. "Because of things that had happened to me in the past." She paused. "People think I'm so strong, so brave, but I'm not always strong, not always brave. I wanted you to tell me that you loved me first."

Chakotay's voice was tender. "What happened to you?"

Kathryn hesitated. "I was held captive by the Cardassians ... you can imagine..."

"I'm sorry," Chakotay said.

Kathryn looked up at him and saw a concern in his eyes now, a certain warmth, but mainly pity. She looked away again. She didn't want his pity.

"It must have been difficult, getting over something like that."

"Yes," Kathryn replied. "I'm not sure you ever really get over it, just come to terms with it. There's a difference." She paused. "But I was one of the lucky ones. I made it out alive." She bit her lip hard and could have kicked herself for that insensitive remark considering what happened to his family. "I'm so sorry..." she said hastily. "I didn't think..."

"It's alright," Chakotay replied. "Nothing to apologize for. I'm so glad you made it out alive. I'm just sorry you were captured in the first place."

Kathryn relaxed a little at that. "And I'm sorry for what happened to your family."

Chakotay nodded and now it was his turn to look away. That wound was still fresh. He poured himself some more wine.

"I think," he said, putting down the bottle, "what we need is a date...a 'getting to know you' session."

Kathryn sat back against her chair and thought about this a moment. A date. She and Chakotay had never been on a date in the traditional sense. They had never needed too. They already knew, loved, and trusted each other.

"I suppose it's worth a try," Kathryn said cautiously. " I shouldn't really take vacation while we're in the Delta Quadrant, but we should be clear of this astroid zone in two days time, and, if all is well, I can take the weekend off. We could go on a camping trip."

Chakotay smiled. "Sounds good to me."

* * *

So far the "date" had been a success. They had spent the day walking in the mountains and the evening was going well with a picnic before an open fire. The remains of food lay scattered on the plates, and Kathryn lay on the blanket looking up at the stars.

"Even after all this time in space, I never get tired of looking at the stars."

Chakotay lay beside her. "I never have either." He turned to look at her slightly. "Did you always want to be a Starfleet Officer?"

"I suppose I did. My father was an Admiral, and Starfleet had always been a part of my life. I never thought about doing anything else."

"Tell me about your father."

"Not a lot to tell, really. He was a great Admiral and he was involved with designing shuttles. I didn't know him very well. He was always away from home."

"Is he still alive?"

"No," Kathryn answered. "He was killed in a shuttle accident over nineteen years ago. My fiancé was killed too. I was the only one to survive."

"I'm sorry," he said. "It must have been devastating."

Kathryn sat up too and wrapped her arms protectively around herself. "It was," she replied. "But I'd rather not talk about it. I mean, not now."

She had clearly suffered as many losses in her life as he had and, from what he had told her, had lived, for the most part, as lonely an existence as him. It perhaps wasn't surprising they had found love and solace with each other, despite the different worlds they came from.

"I understand," he replied.

Kathryn put her hand to her neck and rubbed at the stiffness.

Chakotay noticed and gestured. "Let me..."

Kathryn lowered her hand in unspoken consent and Chakotay sat behind her.

"My mother used to get sore necks all the time," he said, putting his hands on her shoulders. "I was the only one she trusted not to make it worse."

Kathryn opened her eyes at the familiar words and Chakotay felt her muscles tighten harder than iron beneath his fingers. He drew his hands away.

"Don't stop," Kathryn said, closing her eyes again. "Please..."

He began to massage her again and slowly he felt her muscles soften. She leant her head back, closed her eyes.

All too soon he drew away, his task done. Kathryn felt the loss of their physical connection profoundly and he sensed her pain. He stood up.

"Computer, music. Moonlight Sonata."

The soothing music began to play and Chakotay held out his hand to Kathryn. "Dance with me."

Kathryn hesitated but then took his hand and stood up. She drew close to him and he drew her into his arms. She lay her head on his shoulder and they swayed softly to the music. After a while, Kathryn raised her head and rested her cheek against his. She was in the arms of the man she loved and she allowed herself to forget all that had happened. She kissed his cheek softly, worked her way to his lips, and then kissed him tenderly. He responded, and she slipped her arms around his neck as the kiss deepened.

Kathryn smiled as they drew away, but saw only pain on Chakotay's face. He touched her cheek softly, not sure what he should say, do. He cared for her, he cared for her very much, and if this had been truly a first date, then he would have kissed her again. But their feelings and experience of each other were not matched, and it seemed cruel to only care when she loved.

"I think we should clear up," he said uncomfortably.

Kathryn nodded and tried hard not to let her pain at his rejection show. "Good idea."

She turned to the fire. "I'll take the ... Oh, what the hell. Computer, delete fire and all surrounding objects."

Instantly they all disappeared. Chakotay smiled. "That's one way of doing it." He then fell serious. "Kathryn, I ... I think we should sleep separately tonight."

The words hurt, but Kathryn had half expected them. "Is that what you want?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll return to my quarters." She looked up at him and forced a smile. "I'll leave you to this haven."

She turned away, about to head for the door.

"No..." Chakotay cried, "Don't go." The desperation in those words caught even him by surprise.

Kathryn turned to him slowly and there was nothing but pain and confusion in her eyes.

"It isn't what I want," Chakotay whispered.

Kathryn bridged the gap between them. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "I'm sure." He then unexpectedly reached out and touched her hair. "Your hair ... it used to be longer..."

Kathryn could hardly breathe at those words.

"You would wear it swept back from your face..."

"Yes, Chakotay," she whispered. "Yes, that's right."

He gazed deep into her eyes. "I can see you...You're wearing something blue, a blue dress...You're standing close to me ... I feel..."

"What do you feel?"

His eyes dulled. "I don't know ... I don't know..."

Kathryn took his hand in hers. "Do you remember anything else?"

He shook his head sadly.

Kathryn's eyes dulled with disappointment but she tried to disguise it with a smile. "But it's a start, Chakotay," she said, "it's a start."

* * *

Waiting for her morning coffee to cool, Kathryn looked through some photographs of her and Chakotay that she had stored in a personal file on her computer. When she had more time later, she would print some of them off and give them to Chakotay to look at. They could help trigger some memories.

The door chime sounded and Kathryn called out.

"Come in."

The ready room doors opened and Tom and B'Elanna came in. They stood close together and had a look on their face that told Kathryn they had something to tell her, something they weren't sure she would like.

Kathryn clasped her hands rather anxiously in front of her. She didn't know if she could face any more bad news. "Tom, B'Elanna, what can I do for you?"

"We ... we have something to tell you, Captain," B'Elanna began. She then glanced at Tom nervously before continuing. "I'm pregnant."

At this news, Kathryn got to her feet. "That's wonderful, B'Elanna, truly wonderful."

B'Elanna smiled now, her anxiety dissipating. "I wasn't sure how you would feel about it..."

"I'm delighted," Kathryn smiled, "absolutely delighted." She embraced the parents-to-be warmly. "Congratulations."

"Thank you, Captain," B'Elanna said.

"When is the little one due?"

"We're not sure exactly. About seven months time."

"We're going to have to celebrate," Kathryn continued, hitting her commbadge. "Janeway to Neelix."

The Talaxian's voice replied. "Go ahead, Captain."

"Come to my Ready Room. We have a party to organize."

She could hear the excitement in Neelix's voice. "I'll be right there, Captain."

The link ended and Kathryn put her hand on B'Elanna's shoulder. "You are both ready to share the news, aren't you?"

"I think half the ship knows anyway," B'Elanna said. "Icheb let it slip ... long story." She paused. "There's one more thing, Captain. We would like you and Chakotay to be godparents."

Kathryn smiled, deeply touched. "We'd be honored, B'Elanna, honored."

* * *

Kathryn woke with a start. She was breathing heavily and was drenched in her own sweat. Chakotay sat up.

"Are you alright, Kathryn?"

She nodded. "Yes, I ... Yes, I'm fine."

She lay down again and closed her eyes, desperately trying to shut out visions that haunted her mind.

"Would you like me to hold you?"

Kathryn opened her eyes and for a moment was silent. She wanted him to hold her desperately, but she was afraid of the vulnerability of her emotions. She had to be strong for him. He didn't need her pain. But then the Doctor had said she needed to learn to take from him too, to let him share in setting the pace of their relationship...

"Yes," she whispered. "I would like that."

He drew close to her and she felt his body against her back, felt his arm around her waist as he drew her into his arms. She leant back against him and entwined her arms with his. He caressed her softly, a gentle touch lulling her back to sleep. She tried to relax into his embrace, tried to fall asleep, but all that came were tears.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm so sorry..."

She tried to break away from him, but he held her firmly. "It's alright to cry, Kathryn. You need to cry. Just let me be here for you, let me hold you."

She turned to him slowly, and he gathered her against his chest. She wept softly in his arms, wept long. Just like so many times since the incident, he felt a stirring of emotions deep inside, emotions he couldn't explain or understand. Until now. He loved her. He could not doubt that anymore. Whether he had fallen in love with her again, or whether a part of him still carried the love he had once carried for her, he did not know. All he knew was that he loved her.

He gently caressed her arm. It was a soft, sensual, touch. As he touched her, Kathryn's tears softly ebbed. She lay still against him and he heard her intake of breath. He moved his hand to her body now and sensually caressed her from hip to breast. Kathryn stirred and raised herself to look at him. Chakotay touched her face, ran his hand down over her neck to her chest and back again. She looked beautiful in the starlight, breathtaking. Her hand found his body now and he gasped as she ran her hand over his chest. The current between them was powerful, magnetic. He had never felt anything like it before. She leant forward and kissed his mouth, searching deeply. He responded and rolled on top of her, deepening the kiss further. He then began to kiss her neck, her chest, and felt her body arch beneath him with longing. He kissed her body through the thin layer of silk negligee and then worked his way back to her lips. As he did so, he tasted her tears. Her lips broke away from his and she cried out breathlessly

"No ... please..."

Instantly Chakotay drew away from her. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I thought it was what you wanted..."

"I do," Kathryn answered. "I just... not like this... I don't want your pity..."

Chakotay reached up and touched her face. "I love you, Kathryn. I know it now that I love you. I don't know how, or why, or what it means, but I know that I love you..."

Kathryn swallowed. "You love me?"

He nodded and gazed deep into her eyes. Kathryn smiled as she saw in them the love that had always been there.

"And I'm going to make you happy," he said softly. "I might never have my memory back but I'm going to keep learning about our life together and will do everything I can to try and be the man you knew."

Kathryn took his hand in hers. "Just be you, Chakotay," she whispered. "Just be you."

Chakotay kissed her hand and then lowered his lips to hers.

**END OF CHAPTER SEVEN**


	9. Fragments

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

**FRAGMENTS**

Chakotay gazed at Kathryn across a candle lit table. She looked beautiful, dressed in a gown of green velvet, and her hair was swept back elegantly from her face. It was her birthday and they were celebrating it together with a romantic meal on the shore of a beautiful beach in Hawaii, courtesy of the holodeck. Chakotay reached into his pocket and pulled out a long, thin, black velvet box.

"Happy birthday."

Kathryn took the gift gratefully and ran her fingers across the fine velvet before opening the box. Inside, embedded in white satin, was a gold necklace with seven beautiful gems hanging from it. The vibrant colors sparkled in the candlelight.

"It's beautiful, Chakotay," she said, touching it reverently.

"There's a stone for every year of our journey in the Delta Quadrant so far," Chakotay said.

He gently tilted the box so they could both look at it and began to point at the stones individually.

"Moonstone, the traveler's stone, for the first year, representing the beginning of our journey. Ruby for the second, the stone of strength and reconciliation, representing the harmony and friendship that now existed between our two crews. Garnet, the stone of commitment, a sacred stone amongst my people, symbolizing our ongoing commitment to our journey in the face of constant adversity. Peridot, the stone of hope, for the fourth year, reflecting the renewed hope of finally establishing a brief connection with Earth. Silver and Diamond, the stones of perseverance and endurance, symbolizing the survival of our friendship through many trials in the fifth and sixth year, and finally Aquamarine, the stone of marriage, symbolizing our marriage in the seventh year."

Kathryn looked up at him and her eyes brimmed with tears as his eyes met hers.

"You remember," she whispered.

Chakotay nodded. "The Doctor found a way to cure my condition. He wasn't sure it would work so we didn't tell you about it as we didn't want to raise your hopes. But I underwent the procedure while you were on an away mission last week. It took a few days, but slowly my memory began to return. I remember everything, Kathryn. I remember the first day we met ... remember the way you gave your orders so absolutely on the bridge and the way my heart seemed to somersault as you spoke. I remember our time together on New Earth, remember our shuttle accident, our dinners, all the times we were there for each other, remember the first time we made love, remember our wedding. I remember all of it ... everything."

A tear ran down Kathryn's cheek and Chakotay stood up. He opened his arms to her and Kathryn stood too, wanting nothing more than to hold him. They held each other tight, held each other long.

"I thought I had lost you," Kathryn said quietly. "I was so scared that you wouldn't fall in love with me again."

Chakotay kissed her hair. "But I did. And I would fall in love with you a million times."

Kathryn drew away from him and he touched her face gently before kissing her lips softly. Kathryn slipped her arms around his neck and tenderly deepened the kiss.

* * *

The morning wake up call sounded, but Kathryn didn't stir. She was too content in Chakotay's arms and just nestled closer to him. They could steal a few more minutes.

"We'll have to get up, my love," he said impishly. "Or we'll be late for duty."

Kathryn raised herself to look at him and traced his tattoo softly with her finger. "How would you like to do something different today? This region of space is full of m-class planets. I thought you and B'Elanna could pay a visit to one, do some exploring. Now she's pregnant, it would be good for her to get some fresh air into her lungs."

"Sounds good to me," Chakotay smiled, "although I think you will have to let Tom come with us too. He would only worry otherwise."

"My husband, First Officer, Chief Engineer and Chief Pilot ... Can I really spare you all?"

"You could always come with us," he teased.

Kathryn laughed. "I think at least the Captain should stay." She kissed his lips. "We can do some exploring together some other time."

She then pulled the covers away from him. "Now, you're right, we really should get up!"

* * *

Tom and B'Elanna eagerly accepted Kathryn's offer of a day exploring an m-class planet. The Away team left Voyager just after 10am and within an hour were approaching an m-class planet. Suddenly, without any warning, the Delta Flyer was drawn into some kind of gravimetron force. Blinding green light surrounded them and no controls responded. Then they were in orbit of a planet and hurdling towards its surface. Many systems were damaged, but helm controls were again responding and Tom did what he could to slow the vessel down. Still the Flyer crashed to the ground and tore along hard terrain until it finally came to rest.

Dazed, but uninjured except for cuts and bruises, Chakotay turned to his crew mates. "Are you okay?"

"I think we're still in one piece," B'Elanna said, turning towards him. "I've had worse landings."

"And I've had better," Tom said, making his way over to her. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Don't fuss, I'm fine," she said.

"I still want to check you over. You're carrying precious cargo, remember?"

B'Elanna smiled. "How can I forget?"

Tom fetched the med. kit and then began scanning his wife with a medical tricorder.

"Everything appears to be normal. Let's just take care of these bruises."

"They can wait," B'Elanna said, breaking away from him. "We need to see what condition this ship is in."

Chakotay hit his commbadge. "Chakotay to Janeway."

Silence.

He tried again. "Chakotay to Janeway, please respond."

Again only silence answered. "Something in the planet's atmosphere must be interfering with communications," he said. "I'll try sending a distress call."

He worked the console, but the system wasn't responding. "Communications are down," he said.

B'Elanna pushed open the door and stepped outside. She looked around. They appeared to be in some kind of jungle. High trees surrounded them and the ground beneath her feet was dry. The sun was blazing and the heat scorching. She began to collect data on her tricorder.

"I don't believe it," she said, reading the data.

Chakotay and Tom followed her out of the Flyer. "Don't believe what?" Tom asked.

"If these readings are right, this is no planet in the Delta Quadrant, this is Earth."

Tom and Chakotay stared at her incredulously and then they began scanning too.

"No doubt about it," Chakotay said. "If this isn't Earth, it's a duplicate ... "

"Wait a minute," B'Elanna said, reading more data. "Something's not right ... I'm detecting chronoton particles ... fluctuations in the space-time continuum ... "

She hurried back inside the Flyer and began working the console ... "We're definitely in the Alpha Quadrant," she said ... "definitely Earth ... .Australia ... And not only have we traveled over 30,000 light years, but we've traveled through time ... "

Chakotay followed her inside. "Can you get a year?"

"I don't know ... can't get ... wait ... 2352 ... .4..6 ... 2358 ... stardate 27315.6."

Tom was also in the Flyer now and began working his own console. "That anomaly we got sucked into. It must have been a temporal rift. If it deposited us here, the rift must have either originated or terminated here." He paused. "I can't pick anything up on sensors ... clearing ... It seems as though we're in some kind of temporal flux. Everything within the Earth's atmosphere is at one point in time and everything beyond it at another ... I'm picking up something ... a temporal rift ... 0.4 light years away ... "

"We have to get back to it," Chakotay said. "It's our only gateway back to our own time."

"There's no way we can fly the Flyer," B'Elanna cried. "It's going to take seven hours at least before she's in any fit condition to fly ... "

Chakotay turned to Tom. "Do we have seven hours?"

Tom worked the console again. "The rift is stable ... shows no sign of collapse."

"It seems as though we're the ones caught between times," B'Elanna continued. "I don't know how but entering that anomaly has thrown us into some kind of inter-temporal reality. From what I can see, unless we return through that anomaly this inter-temporal existence is permanent. I'd say that is a lot of seven hours."

"Still, I don't want to take any chances," Chakotay said. "We don't know by who or what or how that rift was generated. It could collapse anytime. Let's get to fixing primary systems and all that we'll need to go back through that anomaly. We can worry about the rest later."

* * *

It was almost nine hours later before repairs were anywhere near complete.

"Almost done," B'Elanna said, lying on her side on the floor of the Flyer, fixing a conduit. "Just a few more minutes."

Chakotay drank a cup of warm tea as he waited for B'Elanna to finish while Tom played about on a monitor. He was occupying his mind by trying to locate various of the Voyager crew on sensors. "Harry's in Hawaii," he laughed, "no doubt on a family holiday and driving his parents crazy, while the Delaney sisters are in New Zealand ... . You, Chakotay, are at Starfleet Academy, very exciting I must say, and the Captain, she's at ... " He stopped and sat up straighter in his seat. "Something's wrong ... "

Chakotay lowered his cup. "What do you mean?"

"The Captain ... Her lifesign's deteriorating ... " He worked the console, isolating her lifesign and gathering more information. "She's alone somewhere at sub zero temperatures ... " He turned to Chakotay. "She's dying ... "

The blood drained out of Chakotay's face but he kept his composure. "She'll be alright," he said quietly. "She wouldn't be our captain otherwise."

B'Elanna got up from the floor, her task done. "That's right, Tom. We're in the past. Nothing's going to happen to her." She cleared the data on the monitor. "Necessary repairs complete. I say we get the hell out of here."

* * *

An hour later, they were on course for Voyager, having made it safely through the anomaly to their own time. When they were within communication range of the ship, Chakotay hit his commbadge.

"Chakotay to Voyager."

Tuvok's voice replied. "It's good to hear your voice, Commander. Are you all alright? We were unable to locate the flyer on sensors for over nine hours."

"We're all fine. We ran into an anomaly. Some kind of temporal rift. We were able to escape. We should be with you within ten minutes."

"Acknowledged. Tuvok out."

* * *

After a brief visit to sickbay, B'Elanna retired to her quarters while Chakotay and Tom went to report for duty on the bridge. They both stopped dead when they saw an unfamiliar woman with black hair and blue eyes sitting in the captain's seat. She smiled warmly at them.

"Good to have you back, Commander, Lieutenant."

Chakotay's stomach began to churn. "Who are you?"

The woman stood up, her face anxious. "Commander?"

Tom asked the next question. "Where's Captain Janeway?"

The woman stared at him blankly. "Captain Janeway?"

"Our captain and my wife," Chakotay replied. "Where is she?"

The woman bit her lip nervously. "I am your captain, Captain Anna Stacey, and you are not married."

Chakotay's stomach was somersaulting now. He, Tom and B'Elanna had clearly returned to the wrong Voyager ... . Or rather, the right Voyager, but wrong timeline or wrong reality. That anomaly could have been the gateway to a million realities ...

"Of course," Chakotay replied, deciding to play along just for the moment ... "Forgive Tom and I. We experienced some kind of anomaly ... Our thoughts are jumbled ... "

The woman put her hand on his shoulder. "It's possible that you temporarily experienced some kind of alternate reality due to the anomaly and are suffering temporary residual effects. It's best if you both retire for the day, get some rest."

"Yes, Ma'am," Chakotay replied.

Before anything more could be said he headed for the Turbo Lift and Tom followed him.

"We haven't experienced an alternate reality," Tom said when they were safely inside the lift, "this is an alternate reality ... We've got to get back to that anomaly."

"Or a changed timeline," Chakotay replied, manually operating the lift. "This could be a changed timeline." He then turned to Tom and seized his shoulders, harder than he intended.

"Did you do anything, anything at all when we were on Earth that could have contaminated the timeline?"

"Nothing ... I didn't do anything."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Of course I'm sure!"

"B'Elanna?"

"How could she have? How could any of us? We were all together the whole time."

That was true. They had barely been out of each others company for five minutes.

"We've got to get back to our own reality," Tom continued. "We've got to go back to the anomaly."

"And what, play lucky dip? Hope that out of the infinite number of realities in existence, we go back to our own?"

"We'll end up on Earth again and we can find out from there what we did wrong ... try and get back to our own reality ... "

"Like I said, if it is an alternate reality ... If it's a changed timeline, something we've done, no matter how small, has changed the timeline ... Every part of me says that is what this is ... an altered timeline."

"But if this was the same reality, different timeline, there would be a Captain Janeway ... "

Both men stared at each other as a thought entered their heads ...

"Her lifesign," Tom said quietly, "she was dying ... "

Chakotay ran his hand nervously through his hair as he tried to chronologize events, tried to make sense of this.

"And we let her," he replied. "It may have been our place to save her ... "

"But then we would contaminate the timeline. How could it be our place to save her when it was years before we ever met her?"

"The past is the future, the future is the past, that's what Kathryn once told me. Because we save her, she lives to become Captain of Voyager and gets stranded in the Delta Quadrant with us all. But if we don't save her ... "

"This Captain Anna Stacey become captain of Voyager instead."

Chakotay nodded.

Tom frowned. "But how can we be sure?"

"By finding out what happened to Kathryn." He paused. "You go and tell B'Elanna what's happened and bring her to my quarters, and I'll try and access Kathryn's biographical information."

* * *

It only took Chakotay minutes to find Kathryn's file in the Starfleet Database. Janeway was an unusual name and there was only one Kathryn Janeway listed. A cold shiver ran through Chakotay's body at the dates beside her name: Kathryn Janeway (2335-2358). His guess was right then - in this timeline, Kathryn was dead. After a moment of hesitiation as he absorbed this, he opened her file. In the top right hand corner was a picture of a young Kathryn Janeway. She was dressed in a Starfleet uniform, her rank Lieutenant, and her auburn hair was pulled back from her face in a ponytail. Chakotay's eyes wandered to the text and he read the information provided. There wasn't much beyond basic biographical details and her qualifications and a note on the nature of death:

"Kathryn Janeway was one of Starfleet's most promising Officers, but she never recovered from the tragic deaths of her father and fiancé. She fell into a severe depression and was found, on stardate 27315.6, frozen to death in snow covered grounds close to her home in Indiana. A verdict of suicide was given."

Chakotay looked away from the screen, the words weighing heavily on his mind. He knew how traumatized she had been by the deaths of her father and fiancé, knew how much guilt she had carried, how much pain and silent suffering, but to have so completely lost the will to live that she curled up in the snow to die ... ?

Curled up in the snow to die.

That thought triggered a memory. He remembered how she had once told him how depressed she had been after her father's death and how she had wandered out one evening into a blizzard. She had told him that if she hadn't found a puppy abandoned in the snow and needing care, she may well have curled up in the snow and gone to sleep, never to wake up. But instead, she had taken the puppy home and nursed her back to health. Petunia she had named her and the animal had given her a reason to live again.

Chakotay stood up and wandered over to the window. A puppy was the answer. He, Tom and B'Elanna would have to escape from Voyager and return through the anomaly to Earth. On Earth, he had to find a puppy and place it in the snow for Kathryn to find. Then she would not die and the timeline would be restored.

The door chime sounded. Chakotay turned to the door. "Come in."

Tom and B'Elanna came in.

"I can't believe this," B'Elanna said, "it has to be some kind of dream."

"Or a nightmare," Tom replied. "Did you find anything?"

"Yes," Chakotay replied, "only it wasn't what we thought. Kathryn isn't dead."

He couldn't tell them the truth. Kathryn was a very private person. She had never discussed the accident with anyone but him. She would hate for them to know.

"Then it can't be a changed timeline," B'Elanna answered.

"No," Chakotay replied, going over to the monitor and manually clearing the information displayed. "You were right. It has to be an alternate reality."

Tom stepped closer. "Then what do we do now?"

"The only thing we can do, even if it is a long shot. We return to the anomaly, go through it, and hope when we return, we return to our own reality."

"If we leave in the Flyer, they'll follow us," B'Elanna said.

"Not if they don't know we're gone," Chakotay smiled. "Think Maquis."

* * *

The Flyer was almost at the co-ordinates of the anomaly. It was invisible to the eye, just as it had been when they were first pulled in, and could not be detected on sensors from this side of it unless you knew exactly what you were looking for.

"It's ginormous," B'Elanna said, studying the anomaly on sensors. "It's less than half a mile in height and barely a centimeter in depth, but is hundreds of light years long."

Chakotay turned to her. "Any sign of Voyager altering course?"

"Negative."

He breathed in relief. They had been traveling for over two hours at maximum warp. Even if Voyager changed course now, it would take them almost as long to catch up with them, and it was unlikely they would be able to find the anomaly or trace their route as B'Elanna had masked their ion trail.

"We're upon the anomaly," Tom cried. "Brace for impact."

Chakotay held tight to his seat as the Flyer was thrown from side to side as it entered the invisible force that suddenly turned to a dazzling green light. It lasted only seconds, but seemed an eternity. Then they were in clear blue skies and hurdling towards Earth. This time they had been prepared for the impact and had maximized shields and adjusted all systems to compensate. The Delta Flyer landed safely on a bed of luscious green grass with only minor damage.

* * *

Chakotay waited anxiously as B'Elanna worked the console to determine whether they had returned to Earth, stardate 27315.6. While she was doing that, Tom had gone outside to inspect the damage that had been done to the Flyer.

"Definitely Earth," she said, "but again it's taking time to work out the year ... " She worked a couple more minutes. "Yes, Earth, 2358, stardate 27315.6 ... only it's a few hours later than when we arrived last time and we've landed somewhere in New Jersey ... must have been the influence of our shields and compensations ... "

"How much later?"

"Five or six hours ... It's ... let me see ... 15:48 hours."

Then there was still plenty of time to save Kathryn. By his calculation, it had been just before 7pm in Indiana when Tom had told him Kathryn was dying. All he had to do was find a way of getting to Bloomington without Tom and B'Elanna knowing and he had worked out the perfect way of doing that.

Tom re-entered the Flyer. "Repairs shouldn't take longer than two hours," he said, observing the damage that had been done. "Three at most."

Chakotay had hoped they would take longer, but without his assistance, perhaps they would. He got up from his chair and put his hand on B'Elanna's shoulder.

"Do you think you and Tom can manage repairs without me? I want to monitor my existence in this timeline, see if it's the same reality I remember. I think that is the key to knowing whether or not we will return to our own timeline. If something is different, just one thing, then we'll know we'll have to come straight back through the anomaly and try again, rather than return to Voyager and have to escape again."

"Good idea," B'Elanna replied. "Tom and I will manage fine. How will you monitor the timeline?"

"I'll visit Starfleet Academy and see if my life is happening just as it should be. I'll need you to transport me."

* * *

Less than ten minutes later, Chakotay materialized at Starfleet Academy. The grounds of the Academy were quiet and Chakotay walked though them slowly. The place was full of memories, and voices whispered to him in the wind while faces flashed before him. There were some painful memories, but good ones too, and it was those he remembered now. But Starfleet Academy was not his stopping place and he was eager to leave it. He had to get to Bloomington. Transportation would have been the easiest way, but his bio signature would be recorded and that could contaminate the timeline. The only other alternative was a shuttle. At shuttle speed, it would only take minutes to reach Bloomington. He could then return here when his mission was complete and contact B'Elanna. He could borrow his own shuttle. He had hardly ever used it when he was working at the Academy and it wouldn't be missed for a couple of hours. It would also be easy to take it as he knew all the access codes he would need to enter the shuttle bay and to enter the vessel.

* * *

Taking the shuttle was just as easy as he imagined it would be, and in no time, Chakotay was in Bloomington. He scanned the town for a suitable place to land and chose a shuttle park in the town center. It was snowing heavily and the temperature was -3 Celsius. He would have to wrap up warm to venture outside. He replicated some insulated clothes, a warm coat, gloves, a hat, a scarf, some knee high boots, and then quickly put them on. He also replicated a watch so he could keep track of the time. In minutes he was ready to leave and, after ensuring his shuttle was locked, made his way from the park to the town.

* * *

A cold east wind blew against Chakotay as he walked, burning his face, and he pulled up the collar on his coat and covered his mouth with his scarf. He had no idea where he was going to find an animal shelter, but hopefully there would be a hotel or café where he could stop to ask. He walked through an almost deserted street and found a little café at the end of it. He walked inside and was glad of a moment's respite from the bitter weather.

A friendly old lady greeted him. "What can I get you, Sir?"

"I was just wondering if you could tell me whether there's an animal shelter close by?"

The woman smiled. "There's one on Oak Street, about two minutes walk from here."

"Could you tell me how to get there?"

"Take the street to your right at the junction outside and the shelter is about half way down it."

"Thank you," Chakotay smiled.

* * *

Chakotay found the shelter without difficulty. It was a large building and easily visible. He ventured inside and was greeted by an elderly gentleman.

"How can I help you, Sir?"

"I would like a dog," Chakotay replied. "A puppy."

"We have dogs a plenty," the man replied, "but the only puppies we have are two girls from a litter brought in just this morning. They were found a few miles away, abandoned in a box. Three have already died and these two are barely alive. If you took one, it would need a lot of nursing back to health."

"It would receive the best care," Chakotay smiled.

The man smiled in return. "Then come with me."

Chakotay followed the man down a wide corridor and eventually they stopped outside wide silver doors. The man keyed in a code to open them. The doors opened and Chakotay followed the man inside. He looked around the room. It wasn't a large room, but it was full of cages. There had to be at least twenty and over half of them were occupied by a dog. The animals all stared him, a wariness yet longing in all their eyes. Pity stirred in Chakotay's heart. He loved animals and his kindness and gentleness extended to all living creatures.

"They're just over here," the man said, walking in the direction of what appeared to be some kind of incubator. As they approached it, Chakotay saw two puppies inside. One was slightly bigger than the other, but both were painfully thin. So thin, that he could see their bones. They looked up at him with sorrowful black eyes in a pink face and Chakotay noticed that they were almost completely hairless.

"With proper care, the hair should grow back," the man said. "They've not been fed, are suffering from malnutrition, dehydration, exposure and general neglect." He paused. "There won't be much difference between them except their coat." He picked up the bigger pup. "This one has some black hair, so should have a black coat, the other one will probably have a red coat."

Chakotay wished he could take both of them, but he only needed one. "I'll take the black one," he said. Kathryn had once show him a picture of Petunia and the dog had definitely had silky black fur.

The man opened the incubator and reached inside. He pulled out the puppy and pulled off a ventilated box from a nearby shelf. He put the pup inside and handed the box to Chakotay. "All yours."

"Thank you," Chakotay replied. He was just about to turn to leave when the pup in the incubator once more caught his attention. She was looking up at him with so much longing that it tugged at Chakotay's heart. But he couldn't take her. It was only one dog Kathryn had nursed back to health and he couldn't risk changing the history of their lives by leaving her two dogs instead. Neither could he take the puppy with him back to Voyager. It could change the history of someone elses life. But if no one came for her, would it really make a difference to the past if he took her back with him to Voyager or not? Kathryn loved dogs and while she would never have the time to look after one alone, now that they were married and shared quarters, they could manage.

"Tempted to take them both, Sir?" The man asked.

"Yes," Chakotay replied. "But I wouldn't want to deprive someone else of a puppy."

"There's not much chance of this one going to a home, Sir. People don't want sickly puppies. If you don't take her, she probably won't last more than a few days. We have so many animals to care for that we just don't have the time for those who need special attention."

Chakotay looked again at the puppy and couldn't resist the plea in her eyes any longer.

"I'll take them both," he said. He didn't know if it was the right thing to do, or whether he had done it in any other timeline, but at that moment, it felt like the right thing to do.

The man smiled. "Very good of you, Sir."

* * *

By the time Chakotay reached his shuttle, the snow had turned into a blizzard. His body was warm from the insulated clothing, but his face was freezing. He put the box with the puppies inside down on the floor of his shuttle and then checked the time. It was almost 6.30pm. He had to get to Kathryn's house. She would be leaving it any moment now. He didn't know where her house was so he turned to his console and tried to locate Kathryn's lifesign. He found it, strong and steady. He then took a note of the co-ordinates and set a course for them.

* * *

In less than a minute, Chakotay was above what appeared to be a farmstead. He landed the shuttle in clear ground behind the house, and then steered it into woodland, hiding it amongst the trees. It was almost dark outside and he replicated a torch, just incase he would need it, and a thermal blanket to wrap the puppy in. He then took the larger puppy, with traces of black fur, out of the box and wrapped her in the blanket, only her face peeping out. Then he left the shuttle to complete the last stage of his mission.

* * *

As he approached Kathryn's house, Chakotay studied it, absorbing every detail that he could in the dim light. He had heard so much about her childhood home, even seen a picture or two, but now he was actually outside it and could see it first hand. It was a beautiful house, modern, and yet with a traditional appeal too. He looked around, straining his eyes through the blizzard to see whether Kathryn had left the house in the time it had taken him to walk from his shuttle. But he could not see her. She had to be still inside. He hid behind a tree so that he couldn't be seen from any of the windows, and waited for Kathryn to leave.

At last, the front door opened and a humanoid figure stepped outside. It was impossible to tell if it was a man or a woman as he or she was buried beneath a white parka, the hood covering the head, and black boots covering the legs. Chakotay took out his tricorder briefly to see if it was indeed Kathryn, and found that it was. Kathryn began to walk briskly ahead, ploughing her way through the fierce snowstorm. Chakotay quickly put his tricorder away and followed her, careful to keep himself hidden amongst the trees.

Kathryn walked a long time, never hesitating, never stopping. And then, all of a sudden, she came to a standstill. She stood like a statue, gazing vacantly at the snow before her. Chakotay stopped too and pain filled his heart when he caught a glimpse of Kathryn's face. Her cheeks were hollow and dark pools circled her vacant eyes. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and hold her tight. But she wasn't his Kathryn, not yet, and there was something else he had to do to help her. He gently pulled the puppy from his pocket and carefully threw the animal a few feet in front of him. The poor creature yelped as she landed on icy snow, but Kathryn didn't so much as flinch at the sound. Chakotay coud hardly breathe as he watched and waited, a million thoughts racing through his mind as to what to do if this first attempt of bringing the puppy to her attention failed.

The puppy cried again and Chakotay breathed in relief as Kathryn responded and turned on a torch or palm becon. She cast the light around and began to move in the direction of the crying creature. She must have seen the puppy move for a quick flick of the hand brought the light to rest directly on the animal. Chakotay waited for Kathryn to go over to the puppy, but she didn't move. It was the puppy who did instead. As though knowing safe harbor lay ahead, with supreme effort, the animal bridged the gap between them and collapsed on Kathryn's boot.

Kathryn's protective instincts kicked in now and she scooped up the little being and tucked her inside her parka. When that was done, she looked around, trying to make her bearings, and then began to walk in the direction of home even faster than she had set out.

Chakotay watched her leave, unshed tears stinging his eyes. Kathryn was safe now. When he returned to the future, she would be there.

* * *

Repairs to the Delta Flyer were almost complete when Chakotay returned, a pup heavier than when he left. He had discarded the box, and held the pup in his arms.

"A present for Kathryn," he smiled.

"Cute," B'Elanna replied. "But what of the temporal prime directive?"

Tom laughed. "I hardly think a little pup will make any difference."

Chakotay forced a smile but shivered at the irony.

B'Elanna tickled the puppy's ear. "Was everything the same?"

Chakotay nodded. "Everything was the same."

Tom smiled. "Then lets hope everything is different when we return to Voyager this time."

* * *

The Delta flyer once more tore through the anomaly. At the other side, as expected, was open space.

"No," B'Elanna cried, no sooner than they had left the anomaly. "The rift is collapsing. If we're not in the right reality this time, we may not be able to try again."

"We're in the right reality," Chakotay replied, "I'm certain of it."

He got up and went over to the incubator he had replicated to protect the puppy while they traveled through the anomaly. He was about to open it and take the animal out when Tom spoke.

"We're being hailed," he cried. "It's Voyager ... "

Chakotay turned away from the incubator and returned to his seat. His heart was in his mouth. He was sure the timeline had been restored, absolutely sure, and yet he could not help fear the remote possibility that he was wrong. He loved Kathryn so much and couldn't bear to even think of an existence without her. He took a deep breath.

"On screen."

In seconds, Kathryn's image filled the view screen. Chakotay smiled. His Kathryn was alive, all was as it should be.

"It's good to see you," she said, and Chakotay noticed that she looked rather pale. Evidently she had been worried. "We lost contact with you, couldn't find you on sensors."

"We got pulled into an anomaly," Chakotay explained, "some kind of temporal rift.."

"We're on our way to pick you up," she continued. "We should be with you in minutes."

Chakotay smiled. "Acknowledged."

Kathryn smiled in return. "Janeway out."

As the link ended, Tom turned to his First Officer. "Well, so far so good."

"Yes," Chakotay replied. "So far so good." He got up and once more went over to the incubator. He opened the door and took out the pup.

"I'd be grateful", he said, "if you both didn't tell Kathryn about this little one just yet. I'd like to surprise her later."

B'Elanna and Tom smiled. "We won't say a word."

* * *

In the seclusion of his bedroom, Chakotay fed the starving pup and gave her some warm milk. The little creature lapped away and Chakotay's heart warmed to watch her. Kathryn was still on duty and he was not expecting her for another twenty minutes or so. He had only seen her very briefly since returning to Voyager, and only then to hand her his report of what had happened. He had kept it simple. They had been pulled into an anomaly, gone back in time, returned to an alternate reality, returned to the anomaly hoping that when they came back through it the next time, they would be in their own reality. He hadn't said much about what that alternate reality was, only that there was different crew personnel. He had also deliberately left out dates. No one had to know the truth, not even Kathryn. He would just say he had got the puppy as a surprise for her. With her different coloring, she would hopefully grow up to little resemble Petunia.  
When the pup had finished her feed, Chakotay gently put her to rest in a doggie basket he had replicated, and left her in the bedroom. The animal was too weak to wander anywhere. He then cleaned up, washed his hands, and went into the living room to wait for his wife.

* * *

Kathryn was a long time arriving. When she finally did, she was pale and drawn and avoided his eyes when he verbally greeted her. She slowly walked over to their couch and took off her jacket.

"Interesting report," she said quietly.

She knew. Chakotay knew in that moment that she knew.

She turned to him and looked into his eyes now. "It was you, wasn't it? You put Petunia in the snow?"

"Yes," said, getting to his feet. "It was me." He paused. "How do you know?"

"I guessed when Tom mentioned my lifesign. It all fell into place then. When you went to this "other Voyager", you found out what had happened to me ... . that I had died in the snow ... and you remembered what I had told you about Petunia. You convinced Tom and B'Elanna it was an alternate reality and while they were repairing the flyer, you went to Bloomington. You got a puppy, and put her in the snow."

There was no fooling Kathryn. Her mind was as sharp as a razor.

"That's right," he said quietly.

Kathryn bridged the gap between them. "Were you going to tell me?"

"I didn't think there was a need," he replied. "And I didn't want to wake old ghosts."

Kathryn lowered her eyes. "I always thought it was strange... how I happened to find a puppy in the snow that way. It seemed too...providential. Sick puppies don't just turn up in the snow like that." She looked up at her husband now, infinite gratitude in her eyes. "Thank you for saving me."

Chakotay reached out and put his hand on her shoulder. "Don't thank me, Kathryn.I wouldn't have doneanything else." He caressed her arm softly and then smiled. "Wait here, I've something to show you."

He disappeared into the bedroom and emerged moments later, holding the puppy in his hands.

"Petunia's sister," he smiled, bringing the animal over to his wife.

Joy filled Kathryn's heart at the sight of the tiny puppy. "Oh, Chakotay."

He held out the pup to her and Kathryn took her in her arms, holding her close.

"I got the puppies at Bloomington animal shelter," Chakotay said. "I was only going to take the one, but in the end I decided to take them both. I thought you might like to have her."

"And I do," Kathryn smiled. "Petunia was my best friend and gave my life meaning again. Now we can take loving care of her sister." She caressed the animal, studied her carefully. "And she looks a bit like Petunia too. She has the same eyes." She paused as she remembered the fragile creature she had nursed back to health. "I'll call her Petal." She then looked up at Chakotay, her eyes bright. "Just how were you going to explain this?"

"Well," Chakotay smiled, "the man at the shelter told me she'll have red fur. I thought that would be difference enough. I was going to give her to you as a gift."

"And she's a wonderful gift," Kathryn smiled. She then looked up at Chakotay. "But I can't believe the coincidence - that of all the places, of all the times, you ended up at that place, at that time ... "

"As you once said, the past is the future, the future is the past. A circle of time."

"But we've done so much, Chakotay, struggled so much, and yet ... and yet that Voyager was at exactly the same place, at exactly the same point in time, as we are. It makes our actions seem ... . irrelevant ... somehow."

"Who knows why that Voyager was at that place at that time, or how she came to be there. There are a million ways of reaching the same destination, an infinite number of possibilities. None of our actions are irrelevant. We're all partakers in our destiny, not bystanders."

"Did you find out what happened to the other captain?"

"Yes," Chakotay replied. "According to her Starfleet Profile, she graduated from Starfleet Academy about fifteen years before you and has had quite a distinguished career. Her last listed command was The Saturn. She's married and has a son about Harry's age."

Kathryn smiled. "Then it looks like we are all winners."

Chakotay smiled in return. "We certainly are."

**END OF CHAPTER EIGHT**


	10. Mirror Image

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER NINE**

**MIRROR IMAGE**

When Kathryn returned to her quarters after an emergency call out to the bridge, Chakotay was lying on their bed in his bathrobe, reading a book. Petal, now a red fluffy bundle of joy, was sleeping soundly at his feet. Chakotay looked up from the biography as she entered the room.

"What happened?"

"We were in close proximity to a black hole," Kathryn replied, only looking at him very briefly. "Harry overlooked it on sensors."

Chakotay put down his book. "Quite an oversight."

"Yes," Kathryn said quietly. "I got to the bridge just in time. Any closer and we would have been sucked in."

Chakotay smiled. "I'm sure you gave him a piece of your mind."

Kathryn nodded, almost absently, and then picked up her nightdress that was scattered on the bed.

"Well, I ... I had better get unchanged again."

With that, she made her way into the bathroom and the doors closed behind her.

Chakotay put his hand to his chin and rubbed it. Something was worrying her. She was pale and he could tell on the verge of tears.

He got off the bed and followed her into the bathroom. He found Kathryn sitting on the edge of the bath, and from the look on her face as she looked up at him, she had clearly been crying.

She stood up, turned towards the bath, and picked up a towel.

"I was just going to have another bath..." she said, her voice quiet.

Chakotay stepped closer. "What's wrong, Kathryn?"

"Nothing," she replied. "I'm fine."

"I know there's something," he persisted. "Tell me. Please."

Kathryn was still a moment and then put down the towel and turned to him. The pain Chakotay saw in her eyes made his heart ache.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

Chakotay bridged the gap between them and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Sorry for what?"

A tear ran down her cheek. "For what happened. For the way ... for the way I had to leave when we ... when we were making love."

Chakotay tried to hide a smile, both for relief that it was nothing serious troubling her, and for slight amusement. He gently brushed his fingers against her cheek. "Is that why you're upset?"

Kathryn hesitated, but then nodded.

"It happens," Chakotay said with a smile. "It's not worth your tears. If anything, we should be laughing about it."

Kathryn broke away from him and more tears welled in her eyes. "It's not a laughing matter, Chakotay. It won't be a laughing matter if it happens again and again and again and you decide you've had enough!"

Her words took Chakotay by surprise and it was a moment before he answered. "That will never happen, Kathryn. I love you. We're married..."

"And there's such a thing as divorce ... I'm not enough for you."

Chakotay seized her gently, tears in his own eyes. "You're everything to me, Kathryn. Everything..."

Another tear ran down her cheek. "But with all my obligations, responsibilities, and duties, how can I compare to other women? How can I compare to other women you've loved?"

Chakotay took her hands in his and held them tight. "What I have with you can never be compared to any relationship I had in the past. They never loved me, Kathryn. I thought they did ... I wanted them too ... but they didn't. They only wanted the physical. It was always the same, even though I hoped it would be different. And always the pain was the same." He paused. "You said you knew what a beautiful thing it was to make love with someone you love, and who loves you. But until you, Kathryn, I never did. I never knew that." A tear ran down his cheek. "And I would gladly trade all my other experiences for just one night with you. There's no comparison, and I wouldn't want there to be."

Kathryn reached out now and traced Chakotay's tear. "Then those women were fools," she whispered. "Because you're the kindest, gentlest, most loving man I have ever known. And I love you so very much."

Chakotay took her hand in his and kissed it. "I love you too."

Kathryn slipped her arms around his neck and gazed into his eyes. "How about we pick up where we left off?"

Chakotay gathered her close and smiled. "Or how about we go right back to the beginning?"

Kathryn laughed softly. "Even better."

They gazed into each others eyes for a moment, and then Chakotay lowered his lips to hers and kissed her gently.

* * *

Kathryn stirred awake as sloppy kisses licked her face.

"That's enough, Petal," she laughed, sitting up in an attempt to escape the puppy's affections. As she sat up, she saw Chakotay standing beside the bed, a silver tray in his hands. On it was a delicious looking breakfast of cereal, toast, fruit and orange juice.

"Breakfast is served, Madam," he smiled, putting the tray on her lap.

"Chakotay, you shouldn't have..."

"This is your first day off in weeks. You deserve to be pampered."

Kathryn caught his uniform, holding him just inches away from her. "And you deserve a kiss."

She kissed his lips with a long, lingering, kiss. As she did so, Petal cheekily stole a slice of toast from the tray before her and scrambled off the bed to the floor to eat it.

"Looks like you've got competition for your breakfast," Chakotay smiled as he drew away from his wife. Kathryn turned in the direction he was looking and laughed when she saw Petal devouring the toast.

* * *

A holographic sun shone brightly and Kathryn shaded her eyes from its glare as she walked with Petal through a beautiful holographic park. She threw a twig for Petal and the animal ran through the grass to retrieve it. She ran fast, not losing sight of the stick for a moment, and triumphantly picked it up with her teeth and returned it to her mistress. Kathryn took it from her and threw it again, this time a little bit further. She walked on and watched as Petal retrieved the stick and ran towards her. A coldness suddenly engulfed her and she shivered.

_Then ... instantly ... the scene before her changed. She was no longer looking at her precious dog run through green grass, but was standing in a silver room, a sea of purple faced aliens before her. She recognized them to be Kobali. Kathryn looked around, her heart beating wildly. One of the men at her side stepped forward and seized her arms, forcing them behind her back and tying them with a rope. Kathryn fought for her voice._

_"Why have you taken me from my ship and what have you done with my crew?"_

_A tall man wearing a black suit stepped forward. "We are not interested in your crew, Captain. At least not yet. We have only taken you. And if you tell us what we need to know, we never shall be interested in them."_

_Kathryn met his hard gaze. "If you wanted information from me ... whatever your name is ... it would have been polite to ask..."_

_The man stepped closer. "Yoran", he replied. "My name is Yoran. And I see that you wish to play this game the hard way. I was hoping you would be more reasonable. Perhaps I should make myself clearer. You tell us where you have put the zophyre and we will return you to your ship and never trouble you again."_

_Kathryn swallowed. "I don't even know what the zophyre is."_

_The man stepped even closer and was so close now that she could feel his cold, foul, breath upon her face._

_"The most powerful substance in the galaxy," he answered. "Just one grain ... one grain ... would be enough to power this planet for a hundred years. But there are only a thousand grains left in existence and we kept them locked away inside the deepest mountain of Iolan. A traitor amongst us told you they were there and you thought you could use them to try and get your ship to the other side of the galaxy."_

_"No," Kathryn replied calmly. "It's true our home is at the other side of the galaxy, but whoever took them, it wasn't us."_

_"It would be much easier for you if you told us, Captain. Sooner or later, we'll extract the information from you."_

_"I'm telling you," Kathryn replied, trying not to show her fear. "I don't know anything. You're mistaking me with someone else. Return me to my ship. My people will only come looking for me."_

_He chuckled. "No they won't, Captain, because they do not know you are gone."_

_Kathryn frowned in confusion._

_"We've duplicated you, Captain. There is another Captain Janeway living your life on Voyager. She is identical to you in every single way. She has your memories, your feelings, even your thoughts. No one on your ship will notice you are gone."_

_Kathryn wanted to cry now, but would not give him the satisfaction._

_"So, if you want to see your ship again, Captain, I suggest you start talking."_

_"I can't," Kathryn replied quietly. "I don't know anything about the zophyre."_

_The man bit his lip. "Then let's hope, for your sake, that by this afternoon you do." He turned to two men at his side. "Take her away."_

_The men seized Kathryn and she had no choice but to go with them. They held her tight, bruising her arms, and lead her down a long, silver corridor. They came to a small black door and after opening it, untied her hands and tossed her inside a small, dark, windowless room. They shut the door behind them, leaving Kathryn alone. She looked around. The room was empty, completely empty. There wasn't so much as a chair or a bed. And it was cold, very cold. Kathryn shivered and wrapped her arms around her body. Already there were red rings on her wrists from the rope. She couldn't believe this was happening. It had to be a terrible dream, a terrible nightmare. Any moment now she would wake up to find herself on Voyager, in her own bed, Chakotay sleeping soundly beside her. She sat on the floor and leant back against a plain silver wall. As she did so, she remembered her commbadge and hit it. Anything was worth a try._

_"Janeway to Voyager."_

_Nothing._

_She tried again. "Janeway to Chakotay."_

_Still nothing._

_She buried her head in her hands and tried not to give into fear and a feeling of hopelessness. If this wasn't a dream, if this was real, then the crew would come for her. If they had indeed put a duplicate in her place, Chakotay would realize it. It might take a while for them to find her, but they would._

* * *

All was ready for Petal's bath. Kathryn had covered the floor of her bathroom with a sheet of clear plastic and put Petal's pink bath on top of it. She used a hand shower to fill it with warm water and watched as soapy bubbles formed. Petal watched too and Kathryn smiled as she wagged her tail in anticipation. She was nothing like her sister. Petunia had hated the bath, but this little creature loved it. At last the bath was as full as it needed to be and Kathryn carefully checked the temperature of the water with her elbow. It was perfect.

"Alright, honey," she said, picking up the puppy, "in you go."

Petal continued to wag her tail as she was put into the water and splashed Kathryn with soapy suds. Kathryn laughed and wiped them off the red apron she was wearing.

"Sit, Petal, sit."

The animal did as she was told and Kathryn began washing her with a soft yellow sponge.

Suddenly Chakotay called out casually from the living room.

"Kathryn?"

"I'm in here, Chakotay," she replied, continuing to wash Petal.

Seconds later, Chakotay appeared. He smiled at the sight before him. It always warmed his heart to see Kathryn do "normal" things. She was too often the captain and not often enough Kathryn.

"Just came to tell you not to bother with dinner. Seven is preparing a feast for us, B'Elanna and Tom."

Kathryn turned to him. "Seven?"

"Apparently so. Neelix has been giving her lessons."

Kathryn smiled. "Should prove interesting."

"Very. Although I'm told by the man himself that she's very good."

"Well," Kathryn replied, "her cooking certainly can't be any worse than mine."

"Oh I don't know," Chakotay smiled, "you replicate well."

Kathryn stood up, her hands all soapy, and tapped his nose. "Careful what you say, Mister, or I'll make you smell of wet dog."

He laughed and Kathryn kissed his lips softly. As Chakotay deepened the kiss and wrapped his arms around her, Kathryn slipped her arms around his neck, careful to not let her hands touch him. Petal watched them from the bath and when they showed no sign of stopping, whined impatiently. Kathryn broke away from Chakotay and turned to the animal in amusement.

"Alright, Petal. I haven't forgotten you." She turned back to her husband. "What time is dinner?"

"6pm in the Mess hall."

"I'll see you there."

She kissed him again and as Chakotay left, returned her attention to Petal.

* * *

_Every second seemed an eternity and Kathryn felt as thought she had been in the room forever. She had no idea how long she had really been there, but it had been a long time, too long. Hours, perhaps. At last the door opened and the same two men who had brought her to the room, entered. She got to her feet._

_"What is happening?"_

_They said nothing, just seized her, tied her hands again, and led her out of the room._

_They took her through some large black door and into an even darker room than the one she had just left. It appeared to be built of stone and was lit only by sconces. On the walls appeared all kinds of instruments and before her was a plain bed of wood. It reminded her of torture dungeons she had read about in the middle ages of the last millennium and a cold shiver engulfed her._

_Yoran was waiting for her._

_"Feeling more co-operative, Captain?"_

_"I cannot tell you what I do not know."_

_"You do know, Captain. I have it on unquestionable authority that you do know."_

_"What authority?"_

_"Your ship was detected leaving the planet and it was your ship that was involved in the subsequent conflict to get the zophyre back. Our people tried to claim it back by force but you crippled their vessels and killed many."_

_"That isn't true. We have never stolen anything from anyone. You have us mistaken with someone else."_

_"No, Captain. It was you. Corvalen talked with you, begged you give back the zophyre, but you just opened fire instead."_

_"I've never spoken to anyone of that name. Let me speak to him. He will know then it is a mistake..."_

_"If it is a mistake, how did Corvalen describe you exactly as you are?"_

_"I don't know," Kathryn replied quietly. "We have many enemies, they may have manipulated his memories somehow or put him under mind control."_

_"Impossible. So no more of this pretended innocence, Captain. We know you no longer have the zophyre as we couldn't detect it on your ship. All I want to know is where you have left it."_

_"And I can't tell you because it wasn't us. Please, let me speak to Corvalen. "_

_"So you can try and influence her?"_

_"No, so that we can get to the truth..."_

_"Oh, we will get to the truth," he replied. "One way or another we will get to the truth." He turned to a woman standing at the door. "Fetch Corvalen."_

_The woman immediately left the room. Yoran turned to the two men standing behind Kathryn. "While we're waiting, shave her head."_

_"No, please..." Kathryn protested._

_Yoran stared at her icily. "Unless you start co-operating, Captain, we will be doing far worse things to you."_

_One of the men pushed her to her knees and held her down. Kathryn fell heavily, bruising her knees. Yoran went over to what appeared to be a large black box and pulled out an old fashioned looking razor that was more like a knife. He handed it to the other man and the man pushed her head forward. He then began to cut away her hair and Kathryn watched as auburn locks tumbled to the floor. The man was rough, cutting her several times, and she felt blood trickle down her face. When he was finished, the other man yanked her to her feet. Yoran once more approached her and pulled a white handkerchief from his sleeve. He wiped away the blood from her face and then held up the handkerchief before her._

_"Such fine blood, Captain. We don't want to waste any more."_

_There was a knock at the door. With his hand, Yoran gestured for it to be opened._

_The door opened and a Kobali woman came in. She was dressed in a gold catsuit and walked confidently._

_"I see you have found our thief."_

_Kathryn gasped as she recognized that voice. Seska._

_The woman turned to her and although she looked so different, Kathryn saw that it was indeed her former crew member._

_"And like all thieves is denying her crime," Yoran replied._

_Kathryn swallowed. She knew now that this was a trap, a trap Seska had laid for her. Just like Lindsay Ballard had retained memories of her former life, Seska had retained hers. She had done all this for revenge._

_"You're right," Kathryn said to Yoran. "We have met before. She was a member of my crew. She has convinced you of my guilt to be revenged on me for her fate."_

_Seska laughed. "That is the worst plea of innocence I have ever heard. It is rare for anyone to retain memories of their former lives, and I retain none. It was you who stole the zophyre. When I begged you to give it back, you tried to destroy us."_

_"That is not true and you know it."_

_Yoran stepped closer. "I'm getting tired of your lies, Captain. If you don't start talking now, we'll start extracting the information from you."_

_"I know nothing."_

_Yoran pointed to the bed and addressed the two men behind her. "Strap her to the bed."_

_The men took her over to the bed and Kathryn didn't fight them, knowing it was pointless. She lay down upon the bed and the men strapped down her arms and legs with thick brown leather. Then they pulled a strap around her waist and put what appeared to be some kind of silver helmet over her head. "_

_If you don't tell us, captain, we'll search your memory until we find what we want."_

_"Search all you want," Kathryn replied. "You'll find nothing."_

_She felt a sharp pain as the helmet closed around her skull, and then all began to blur before her._

* * *

"Something smells good," Chakotay said as he watched Seven work busily in the kitchen.

"It's carrot, parsnip and coriander soup," she replied, not looking up from stirring the soup in a large saucepan. "For first course."

"I can't wait to try it."

"I assure you it will be the finest soup you will ever have tasted," Neelix said, suddenly appearing. "Seven has become quite a cook."

The former drone sprinkled some salt into the saucepan.

"Cooking is a science, Neelix. Follow the recipe without variation and the end product should always be the same. There is no skill involved. Those who cannot cook, simply cannot follow instructions."

Neelix smiled as the Captain entered the room. "I'm not sure the captain would agree with you. She may be the greatest scientist I have ever known, but the greatest cook? Ah well. We all have our weaknesses."

Kathryn reached them. "What weaknesses are you confessing to, Neelix?"

"Not me, Captain," he said, picking up a chopping board. "I was just saying that not all of us make good cooks."

Kathryn smiled. "That is certainly true. But, if my sense of smell is anything to go by, Seven is certainly excelling." She watched Seven work. "How long have you been taking cooking lessons, Seven?"

"One month, three weeks, five days."

"And already preparing a feast. Very impressive."

"And you will be with the meal," Neelix continued. "I was just telling the Commander that it will be the finest meal you will ever have tasted."

"Or the worst," Seven interrupted, "if I am continually distracted."

Kathryn shared an amused glance with Chakotay and then turned back to Seven. "Then we'll leave the Master chef to cook."

Seven gave a nod. "Neelix will show you to your seats."

Neelix emerged from the kitchen, wiping his hands in his apron.

"If you will follow me, Captain, Commander."

Kathryn and Chakotay followed him over to a table that was beautifully laid. It had a white table cloth, silver tableware, crystal glasses, a pretty flower display in the centre, and pink candles were burning softly. The table was surrounded by four chairs, two at each side.

"The table looks wonderful," Kathryn said. "Did Seven do this too?"

"Indeed she did, Captain."

Kathryn glanced at Seven and smiled. "I'm very impressed."

Neelix pulled out a chair.

"You are to sit here, Captain, next to B'Elanna."

He moved to the other side of the table.

"And you are to sit here, Commander, opposite the Captain."

* * *

_Kathryn woke slowly and the first thing she became aware of was a terrible headache. Then everything came back to her. What had happened ... where she was ... She opened her eyes, hoping that when she did, she would be in her own quarters, and would find that this was a only a dream after all._

_But there, before her eyes, was Yoran._

_She tried to move and found that she was no longer strapped down. Yoran moved away from her and she sat up slowly, put her hand to her aching head. Her hand fell upon a bare scalp and she remembered that her hair had been shaved._

_"You have disguised the memory," Yoran said._

_"I'm telling you," Kathryn replied wearily, "I know nothing."_

_"Or the memory has been erased." There was such a coldness in his voice. "I hope for your sake that is not the case."_

_He gestured to the men beside him and they seized Kathryn and took her over to the wall. They strapped her against it, this time strapping her down with iron, and Yoran walked over to her._

_"Tell us what you have done with the zophyre."_

_"I can't," Kathryn replied, "I know nothing. Please stop this..."_

_"Only you can stop this, Captain, by telling us the truth." He turned his men. "Do what you have to do."_

_He then left the room._

* * *

Seven's meal was every bit as delicious as Neelix had predicted.

"You'll have to cook for us more often," Kathryn said, tucking into the final course, dessert. Seven had made them a beautiful coffee flavoured mousse, topped with cream and flakes of dark chocolate.

"It would be a pleasure, Captain," Seven replied.

"Only next time you must join us. In fact, join us for dessert."

Seven flinched at that, clearly uncomfortable. "The chef does not dine. There is too much to do."

Kathryn caught Seven's arm. "No arguments, Seven. Fetch yourself some dessert and pull up a chair." She raised her voice. "Neelix!"

Almost instantly the Talaxian appeared from the kitchen. "Yes, Captain?"

"Pull up a chair. You and Seven are joining us for dessert."

Neelix rubbed his hands together gleefully. "Yes, Ma'am."

Seven sighed but Kathryn could tell that she was secretly pleased at being invited. "Then I will fetch two more desserts."

Kathryn smiled sheepishly. "Make that three. I would love another."

* * *

_All was quiet, dark. Kathryn lay in a ball on the floor of the room she had been returned to, and wept softly. Her beaten, battered and burnt body was bruised, broken, and bleeding. The pain was so terrible that she was almost numb to it. She tried to shut out the visions haunting her mind, tried to force her thoughts back to Voyager ... to Chakotay. She imagined he was here with her now, lying beside her, holding her safe in his arms. She always felt so safe in his arms. They were a harbour, a haven ... so strong and yet so gentle. Suddenly the door opened and she heard someone come in. No doubt the men had come to take her away for more questioning. She didn't think she could endure anymore and wanted to scream. But she also knew there was only so much more her body could take and if they did not release her, death would. She expected the men to yank her to her feet, but instead she felt a kind hand on her shoulder and heard a woman's voice._

_"I've brought you some water."_

_Kathryn tried to look up and saw a kind face looking down at her. She couldn't tell whether the woman was young or old._

_The woman put a straw to Kathryn's mouth and Kathryn began to drink. The liquid was cool, soothing._

_"Thank you," she whispered when all the water was gone._

_The woman stroked her brow softly, a small gesture of comfort. "I'm sorry for what my people have done to you. I know you are innocent. I was on Corvalen's ship and was there when the zophyre was stolen. I know it wasn't you. But if I say that, they will kill me for it. But I'm going to help you return to your ship."_

_Kathryn tried to keep her tired eyes open. "How?"_

_"I'll transport you and disguise the signal so it looks as though your people transported you."_

_"They'll come after Voyager ... our ship."_

_"And will anyway if they don't get the information they seek from you. At least if I transport you there, you can warn your people ... be prepared. They'll only send a couple of ships. We're in the middle of a war with the Xola and ships can't be spared. I've studied your ship. They will be no match. You'll be able to escape, flee this space..." She stood up. "Now I have to go, Captain. I will be missed otherwise. I will transport you as soon as I can."_

_Kathryn smiled softly, deeply touched at the woman's willingness to risk herself._

_"Thank you."_

_The woman smiled and then Kathryn was alone again._

* * *

_A long time had passed ... an hour, perhaps, two ... and still the promised transport had not happened. Kathryn was very weak now and it was taking all her effort to remain conscious. Then, suddenly, she felt herself dematerialize and then rematerialize. She forced her eyes open and tried to see where she was through the thick fog before her eyes. It was somewhere dark ... containers ... somewhere like the cargo bay... She tried to move, but her body would hardly co-operate. It took all her strength to hit her commbadge._

_"Janeway to Chakotay..."_

* * *

The meal over, Kathryn relaxed on the couch in her quarters while Chakotay changed out of his uniform. When he returned to the living room, he replicated himself a cup of warm milk

"I forgot to tell you he said. We found a short cut today that, if we take it, should get us back on course by the end of next week."

"What is this short cut?"

"A trip through a nebula. We've done all the necessary toxic and radioactive tests and it's quite safe. Apart from a little turbulence, it should be an easy ride. Five days at the most."

"Well done," Kathryn smiled.

"The crew will be glad to communicate with home again."

"Yes," she replied.

Chakotay saw Kathryn rub her stiff neck. "Fancy a massage?"

"Oh, yes please," she smiled.

Chakotay out down his drink and went over to her. He sat sidewards on the couch and Kathryn lay back against him. He kissed her cheek and then began to knead her muscles. Kathryn closed her eyes and let his fingers work their magic.

Suddenly a voice broke across the silence and every melted muscle in Kathryn's body froze.

"Janeway to Chakotay..."

It was her voice. For a moment, neither Kathryn or Chakotay moved. Then the voice sounded again. It was weak, tired...

"Janeway to Chakotay ... please respond..."

Kathryn moved now to face her husband.

"What the hell is going on?" She drew away from him and stood up. "Computer, locate the source of the last communication to Commander Chakotay."

"Source of communication was Kathryn Janeway."

"Where is Kathryn Janeway?"

"Kathryn Janeway is in her quarters. Kathryn Janeway is also in Cargo Bay 2."

Kathryn glanced at Chakotay. "It could be some kind of temporal disturbance."

Chakotay continued to question the computer. "What is the time difference between the Captain's quarters and Cargo Bay 2?"

"Negative time difference."

"Then an impostor," Kathryn said, hitting her commbadge. "Janeway to security. Intruder in Cargo Bay 2. Janeway to the bridge. Red alert."

* * *

Life was ebbing now ... Kathryn could feel it... Death consumed her ... She couldn't stay conscious much longer. Yet she had too ... She had to tell Chakotay and the others what had happened ... that there was an impostor in her place...

"Janeway to Chakotay..." she said again, her fear growing at the non response she was receiving ... Perhaps this impostor had killed everyone ... hurt them...

Suddenly she heard the doors of the Cargo Bay open and saw three or four blurry figures approach her. She heard one speak. It was Tuvok.

"Tuvok," she whispered as he knelt beside her. "Was taken by the Kobali ... wanted information ... duplicated ... Imposter in my place..."

Then all was black before her eyes and she lost consciousness.

Tuvok stared at the woman before him, even his Vulcan mind astonished at the identity of the intruder, and it was a moment before he hit his commbadge.

"Tuvok to sickbay. Standby for medical emergency. Tuvok to Transporter Room 1, transport our..." he paused while he considered what to say. "...our captain in the Cargo Bay to Sickbay."

* * *

Still casually dressed, Kathryn walked onto the bridge, anxious to deal with this latest emergency. Chakotay would follow, once he was dressed.

"Report..."

"It seems another Kathryn Janeway appeared onboard ten minutes ago," Harry said, standing at his station, "but there's no sign of where she came from. If she was transported, there's no record of it..."

Kathryn swallowed. They could be dealing with a very advanced species.

"Any sign of ships in the vicinity?"

"Negative, Captain..."

Tuvok's voice sounded. "Tuvok to Captain Janeway."

"Go ahead, Tuvok."

"Our intruder has been transported to sickbay. I am on my way there now."

"Understood. Keep me informed."

She dared not leave the bridge at the moment. Any minute now, Voyager could come under attack.

* * *

"Tuvok to Commander Chakotay."

Chakotay was putting on his T-shirt and picked up his Starfleet jacket. He fumbled for his commbadge.

"Chakotay here."

"Our intruder claims that she is the Captain. She is indeed identical to her in every way. She says she was taken by the Kobali, questioned, and an impostor put in her place. She is greatly injured, my suspicion, torture, and has been transported to sickbay. I am on my way there and suggest you make yours."

Chakotay stood stunned. The Kathryn who had been sitting with him on the couch, who he had spent the entire evening with, could not be an impostor. It was impossible. He would surely have known it. And yet if it was true ... if she was an impostor... If there was one thing he had learnt in his career, it was always to have an open mind.

"I'm on my way," he replied..

He slipped on his jacket and hurried from the room.

* * *

Chakotay arrived in sickbay just as Tuvok did. The woman who claimed to be Kathryn was lying unconscious on a biobed and being attended to by the Doctor. The two men walked over to her.

"My God," Chakotay said in horrow when he saw the state of her horribly battered and burnt body.

The Doctor drew away from his patient and put his hand on Chakotay's shoulder.

"She isn't the Captain, Commander. She's a duplicate ... a mirror image."

Tuvok stepped forward. "A mirror image?"

The Doctor turned to him. "The self the Captain sees when she looks into the mirror. Her right is the Captain's left."

Trembling violently, Chakotay turned to Tuvok. "What exactly did she tell you?"

"Just that she was taken by the Kobali, duplicated, questioned, and an impostor put in her place."

"She is identical to the Captain in every way," the Doctor continued. "It's likely even her memories are the same. No doubt she believes she really is the Captain."

"If the Kobali duplicated her as she says," Tuvok surmised, "and she is identical to the Captain, then they must have been seeking information they believed the Captain could provide them with."

"And duplicating the captain would be the easiest way of obtaining that information," the Doctor added. "We would never know of her existence, and she would never know that she was not the real captain. When they were done with her, no doubt their intention was to kill her."

"Then why transport her back to Voyager?" Chakotay asked.

"That is something she herself may have done," Tuvok answered.

"I hardly think so," the Doctor replied. "In the state she was in, she wouldn't have been able to do much at all."

"Someone on her behalf then," Tuvok replied.

Chakotay stepped closer to the bed. "What is her condition?"

"Not good, Commander. She has suffered severe internal injuries and many of her organs are failing. I can prolong her life with surgery, but even then she has only hours to live."

Tuvok asked the next question. "Will she regain consciousness?"

"Yes, Commander," he replied. "At least for a while."

"Then she may be able to tell us more." He paused. "Summon us when you have done all that you can for her. The Commander is needed on the bridge and I must inform the Captain."

"Yes, Commander."

He turned around and headed for the door. When he noticed Chakotay wasn't following him, he turned around again and found Chakotay staring at the woman on the biobed.

"Commander..." he called.

At the call from Tuvok, Chakotay turned away from her and followed the Vulcan out of sickbay.

* * *

On the bridge, Kathryn worked her console, trying hopelessly to determine a source for the transport. She had also assigned Seven to the task. She was beginning to worry about Chakotay. It didn't take this long to change and make your way to the bridge. She thought of contacting him, but the ship was being closely monitored and if anything was wrong, she would have been informed. He had evidently been summoned someplace. When at last Chakotay appeared, followed by Tuvok, she stood up.

"Chakotay, you have the bridge. Tuvok, my ready room."

Chakotay took his chair and she was just about to leave with Tuvok when Harry called out.

"Three Kobali ships are pursuing us, Captain."

Kathryn made her way over to the centre of the bridge again.

"Hail them."

Harry did what he was told and in moments Yoran's face, unfamiliar to Kathryn, appeared on the viewscreen.

"Captain Janeway, or should I say Duplicate Janeway? You may think you're so clever, transporting our prisoner back to your ship, but unless you tell us where you've deposited the zophyre, we'll destroy your ship."

"zophyre?"

"I won't play this game again, Captain. Tell me where it is or I destroy your ship."

Kathryn stepped closer to the viewscreen. "I don't take kindly to threats."

"And I don't take kindly to thieves."

"We haven't stolen the zophyre."

"And we know for a fact that you have."

Tuvok interrupted. "They're firing weapons."

"We replenished energy reserves a week ago from what we believed was an uninhabited planet about 19 light years away. If we've taken something that we shouldn't have, we'll only be too glad to give it back..."

"The zophyre was taken four days ago from a planet 10 light years away and you don't have it onboard."

"Then obviously we're not the people you're looking for."

"You were seen, Captain. Now tell me where you have deposited it and we won't destroy your ship."

Tom turned to Kathryn and spoke as quietly as he could. "Their vessels are fast, but they are no match for Voyager. We can easily defeat them."

Armed with this knowledge, Kathryn stepped even closer to the viewscreen. "There's obviously no reasoning with you." She turned to her crew. "Battle stations."

The viewscreen went blank as the transmission ended and a view of space filled it instead. Kathryn took the Captain's chair.

The Kobali fired at them, the jolt shaking the ship.

"Mr Tuvok, return fire. Disable their ships."

Tuvok immediately carried out the task.

"Their ships are disabled, Captain."

She nodded and then turned to Tom. "Mr Paris, get us out of here, maximum warp."

* * *

Kathryn looked down at the reflection of herself lying on the biobed. The Doctor had healed her bruises, mended her bones, and stimulated the growth of her hair. She was wearing a white gown, a yellow blanket over her, and her hands were resting outside it. On the third finger of her right hand, was her wedding ring. The Doctor put a hypospray to his patient's neck and seconds later her eyes fluttered open.

Kathryn stepped closer to the bed and smiled sadly. "Welcome to Voyager, Captain."

The woman beneath her became agitated and her eyes darted from one person in the room to another.

"This is my ship..." she said breathlessly. "You are my duplicate ... The Kobali..."

"No, Captain," Kathryn said as gently as she could. "You are the duplicate."

"No," she protested "I'm Kathryn Janeway ... Captain of Voyager..." She glanced at Chakotay who stood close by. "And you're my husband..."

The Doctor put a kind hand on her shoulder. "The Captain tells you the truth. You are the duplicate. You are her mirror image. Your right is her left. Your heart beats in your right."

The woman closed her eyes, absorbing this, and silent tears brimmed under her eyelids.

Chakotay stepped forward and spoke kindly. "Can you tell us what happened to you?"

The woman opened her eyes again. "I don't know... One moment I was walking with Petal in the holodeck, and the next I was on the planet. A man ... Yoran ... He questioned me ... asked me about the zophyre ... where we had put it ... Told him we hadn't taken it ... wouldn't believe me ... I said the crew would come looking for me. He said they wouldn't ... wouldn't know I was gone ... had put a duplicate on Voyager... They took me away ... locked me in a room ... and afterwards questioned me again. They said we had been seen, stealing the zophyre ... seen by Corvalen. I asked to see him ... turned out to be Seska..."

At the mention of Seska's name, Kathryn and Chakotay shared a surprised look

"She remembered her past life ... wanted to be revenged on me ... perhaps on us ... They tortured me ... terrible things..." Another tear ran down her cheek as she remembered. "Then they locked me in a room again ... A woman came to me ... kind woman ... and said she knew we were innocent ... but couldn't say anything ... would be killed. She helped me ... sent me back to Voyager ... They might pursue ... be prepared..."

There was a moment of heacy silence in the room as everyone looked pitifully at Kathryn duplicate. Then the real Kathryn spoke.

"The Kobali pursued us, but we defeated them. We're in safe space again."

The duplicate relaxed a little at that. "How was I created?"

"We don't know," the Doctor replied. "Evidently they did it without the Captain's knowledge. Perhaps they came aboard undetected or duplicated you from the planet by sophisticated transportation technology. All they would need to do is get a lock on the Captain for a second, duplicate her biomatter, and transport that duplicate to their planet."

"I did feel something," the real Kathryn said, "this morning on the holodeck. It was a sudden coldness, made me shiver."

"I felt it too," the duplicate continued. "Then I was on the planet."

"That must have been when they performed the duplication," the Doctor concluded. "They are evidently still perfecting the technology, but I would imagine that to a species that has to survive by salvaging the dead of other races, duplication technology of this kind would be something very important to them incase one day they no longer have bodies to salvage. I would image duplication of this kind requires a tremendous amount of energy and perhaps that is why the substance they wanted was of such importance to them. To perform a complete duplication, at the moment they're having to duplicate twice. One to obtain a mirror image, and again to reverse that image. Obviously in this case they believed one duplication served their purpose which was identical duplication of knowledge, not of appearance, and it would make no difference to the duplicate's self awareness. Everything that you do with your right hand, Captain, she would do with her left."

The duplicate closed her eyes and tried not to listen to them talking about as though she was just an object. She felt like Kathryn Janeway, felt like her in every way. And yet she wasn't her. She was nothing. Nothing but an echo.

"What is to become of me? There can't be two Kathryn Janeway's."

"You're dying," the Doctor said kindly. "You've suffered major internal injuries and your organs are failing."

"I see," she whispered. Then she opened her eyes and gazed at Chakotay. As she did so, she was glad that it was her that was dying, not the real Kathryn. Glad she was a duplicate. Now, everything that had happened to her on the planet, would never really happen after all. She smiled softly. "Then everything is as it should be." She turned back to her other self and glanced at both her and Chakotay. "Now go, both of you, and attend to your ship or to each other."

* * *

The lights in sickbay were dim when Chakotay returned sometime later and Kathryn's duplicate was all alone. She was lying on her side, her back to him, and her legs tucked up in the foetal position. He slowly walked over to her. She was lying very still and appeared to be asleep.

Chakotay pulled up a chair that was nearby and sat before her. The noise disturbed her and she opened her eyes.

"I've brought someone to see you," Chakotay said.

He held up a bundle of red fur and Kathryn smiled. "Petal..."

She slowly sat up against her pillows, the movement requiring effort and leaving her breathless.

Chakotay put the animal on the bed and Petal balanced herself on Kathryn's arm and licked her face tenderly, almost as though she sensed her mistress was hurt, and then nestled against her. Kathryn lay her hand on the animal's fur and let it rest there.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Chakotay smiled sadly. "You're welcome."

"Now go," she said quietly. "You don't belong here."

Chakotay reached for her hand and took it in his. "I think I do. I'm Kathryn's husband. That makes me your husband too."

The woman looked at him with profound sadness. "I'm nothing but Kathryn's echo ... nothing more than a reflection..."

Chakotay squeezed her hand. "You're so much more than that. You share her memories, her experiences, share her feelings ... our love."

"And she loves you so much," Kathryn whispered. "Is so thankful for you..."

Chakotay held her hand to his cheek a moment and kissed it softly before lowering it to the bed.

Kathryn gazed into his eyes a moment and then closed her eyes. Her breathing was increasingly difficult and it clearly wouldn't be long now.

Chakotay looked at her sadly. "Would you like me to hold you?"

She opened her eyes and the longing Chakotay saw in them knifed his heart. "I would like that."

Chakotay raised Petal from the bed and put her on the floor. The bed was too narrow for two of them to lie on it, so he pressed a button at the side of the bed and an extension appeared. He pushed another button and a mattress inflated. He gently took one of the pillows from beneath Kathryn's head for his own, and then climbed onto the bed. He drew Kathryn into his arms and held her tight as she nestled against his chest. She wrapped her arm around his waist and forgot that she was a duplicate, an echo, a reflection, and just savoured the embrace of the man she loved.

* * *

It was passed three in the morning and Chakotay sat alone on a sofa in the corner of the darkened Mess Hall, Petal sleeping soundly at his feet. The events of the day haunted him and he knew would for a long time. He suddenly felt a kind hand on his shoulder and turned to see Kathryn beside him. She caressed his arm softly and then sat next to him.

"How you doing?"

"I'm alright," he replied.

Kathryn lay her hand on his. "You were with her, weren't you ... when she died?"

"Yes," he said, turning towards her. "In so many ways she was you, Kathryn. I couldn't let her die alone."

"I understand. I'm glad you were there."

Chakotay squeezed her hand. "But it could really have been you," he said quietly. "If they had taken you and not your duplicate..."

"I know," Kathryn replied. "But they didn't..."

Chakotay averted his eyes. "I can't believe it was Seska ... We deposited her body twenty thousand light years away ... It doesn't seem possible."

"I thought the same thing when Lindsay Ballard turned up. But she told me the Kobali are capable of travelling great distances by slipstream technology. They need to be able to do that to salvage the dead of other races. They don't share their technology, though, not in any instance, so there was no point in asking them for help in getting Voyager home."

Chakotay looked up at her. "What will we do with her? Your duplicate?"

"We'll cremate her. If we send her body into space, the Kobali will more than likely retrieve her to procreate." She paused and her voice fell to a whisper. "And she isn't dead. We won't mourn Kathryn Janeway yet."

Chakotay looked deep into her eyes. "Not for a long long time. And I hope never in my lifetime."

Kathryn smiled softly and then let go of his hand. "It's been a long night and we've both got an early shift tomorrow. I suggest we try and get some sleep."

Chakotay nodded and they both got to their feet and left the room.

**END OF CHAPTER NINE**


	11. Quarren: Part One

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER TEN**

**QUARREN**  
**Part One**

The plant was noisy, busy, and very hot. Chakotay wiped his brow as he emerged from beneath a power core he had been inspecting and logged it as operational. The sound of a woman's voice in the distance caught his attention and he found himself looking in the direction of it. He caught his breath when his eyes fell upon a beautiful woman with auburn hair that sparkled beneath the factory lights. He felt a stirring deep inside, an emotion he couldn't understand or explain. She must have felt the weight of his stare as she turned in his direction. Her eyes met his and he found himself gazing into them. The hustle and bustle of the factory around him seemed to fade into silence and he was aware of nothing but her.

"Are you listening to me, Janeway?"

The sharp tone of her supervisor demanded the woman's attention and she looked away.

"Yes, Sir."

"Then in the future you will do only the improvements I specify."

"Yes, Sir. Even if I do believe others would improve productivity."

The man scorned. "A simple "Yes Sir" will suffice."

"Yes, Sir," she said again.

The man nodded. "Then resume your task."

He walked away, but the woman didn't immediately return to her console. Instead, she turned again to Chakotay and looked once more into his eyes. Chakotay held her gaze. The pull towards her was strong, magnetic, and he could not resist its force. He walked over to her.

"Quite a tyrant, isn't he?"

"Quite a stubborn tyrant," she smiled. "If he would listen to me, he would improve productivity by at least ten percent." She held out her hand to him. "I'm Kathryn, by the way, Kathryn Janeway."

Chakotay smiled and took her hand. "Pleased to make your acquaintance. I'm Chakotay."

"Pleased to make yours." She let go of his hand. "Been working here long?"

"No," he replied. "This is my first day."

"Really? It's my first day too."

"Heard about the work here?"

She nodded. "It's in short supply where I come from."

"Same back where I'm from." He paused. "Is your homeworld far away?"

"Yes. I'm from Earth, a planet in the Alpha Quadrant."

Chakotay stared at her incredulously and then laughed softly. "You won't believe it, but that's where I'm from ... well, at least my ancestors. I'm of Native American descent." He gestured to his tattoo. "This is a marking of my people."

"Incredible," Kathryn laughed, "absolutely incredible. I didn't know there were others from Earth here. I thought I was alone. I've met some others from the Alpha Quadrant, a Bolian and a half Klingon, but no human yet." She paused. "I'm from Bloomington, Indiana."

Suddenly the supervisor was upon them again. "Janeway, you are not paid to stand around chatting. Get back to work at once."

Kathryn frowned. "Yes, Sir."

She turned back to her console and Chakotay pretended to be busy close by. When the supervisor was out of sight, he glanced towards Kathryn and kept his voice low.

"What time do you finish?"

She turned to him. "In about an hour."

"Me too. Would you like to go to dinner? I'm sure we'll find somewhere close by."

Kathryn smiled. "I would love too."

* * *

Kathryn studied the menu before her, her mouth watering at the choices. Chakotay watched her for a while, an amused smile on his face. "Spoilt for choice?"

Kathryn raised her eyes from the menu. "What makes you think I'm not a fussy eater?"

"The way your eyes light up as you read the menu. If you were a fussy eater, your facial expressions would be different. Your eyes would dull in frustration and your forehead would frown."

"Very observant," Kathryn smiled. "A psychologist?"

"No," he replied. "Just an observer. You can learn a lot about someone from studying their face."

Kathryn gazed intently into his eyes. "And what does my face tell you?"

"That you're a confident woman, although not quite as confident as you would like others to believe, that you're observant, intelligent, intrigued by the world around you, had your share of sorrows, and that you're kind and compassionate."

Kathryn curled her lip. It was incredible that a complete stranger could know her so well.

Chakotay leant forward a little. "Am I right?"

Kathryn also leant forward, a little flirtatiously. "If I told you that, there would be no fun in finding out."

They shared another smile. As they did so, a waiter appeared.

"Can I take your order?"

Chakotay looked up at him, having already decided. "I'll take the torlanovorka ... did I say that right?"

"Yes, Sir," the waiter replied.

Kathryn looked up at Chakotay in concern. "But it says here that it contains meat. You're a vegetarian."

The waiter leant over her and pointed at the menu. "No, Madam. Torlanoorva contains meat. Torlanovorka is vegetarian."

"Oh, I see," Kathryn smiled. "My apologies."

"Can I take your order, Madam?"

"Yes," she replied. "I'll take Orlovori ... no ... Sorlovori."

"Anything to drink?"

"Just a still water."

"Sir?"

"The same. Thank you"

The waiter finished coding in the orders and then glanced up at them both. "Won't be long, Sir, Madam."

As he walked away, Chakotay eyed Kathryn curiously. "How do you know I am a vegetarian?"

Kathryn thought for a moment and wasn't quite sure. "Didn't you tell me?"

"I don't think so."

She frowned, perplexed. "Perhaps it was an assumption I made because of your culture."

"Perhaps, but not all Native Americans are vegetarians, quite the contrary."

"I don't know then," Kathryn replied. Then she smiled. "Perhaps I read it on your face."

Chakotay had to laugh at that. "Perhaps you did."

* * *

Kathryn lived in the same apartment block as Chakotay and they decided to walk home together. They had both enjoyed each others company immensely and were amazed at how comfortable they felt together. It was a still night and the street shone silver beneath the light of a beautiful silver moon. People passed them in both directions, but Kathryn was aware only of Chakotay as they walked and talked and occasionally laughed.

They reached their destination all too soon.

"Well," Kathryn said as they reached her apartment which was on the ground floor. "This is me."

Chakotay's bright eyes dulled at those words. He didn't want to part from her. He couldn't explain it, but he felt as though he belonged with her.

She was reluctant to part from him too. "Perhaps," she said hesitantly, "if you have nothing else planned, we could have dinner again tomorrow."

Chakotay eyes lit up again at that. "I would love too."

Kathryn smiled. "There's only one condition."

"What's that?"

"I make it."

He smiled again. "You have a deal."

They gazed long into each others eyes until Kathryn broke the stare. "Well, I'd better go in."

He nodded.

"If I don't see you at work tomorrow, come over at about 19:00 hours."

"I'll be there."

Kathryn smiled again and then disappeared inside. When she had gone, Chakotay felt a profound emptiness inside.

* * *

Chakotay looked around Kathryn's apartment as he entered the following evening. It was virtually identical to his. The only difference was the blue curtains Kathryn had hung over the window and the layout of the furniture. She had a lot of rather curious looking objects lying here and there, but the room was immaculately clean and everything was in its place.

"If this was Earth," Kathryn said, gesturing for him to sit, "I would offer you a coffee, but zoorv is the closest thing they have here."

"It will do me fine," Chakotay smiled.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Surprised, as she was expecting no one, Kathryn went over to answer it. An unfamiliar Vulcan man stood in the doorway. He seemed rather agitated and pushed his way in.

"I must talk to you," he said.

Kathryn glanced in concern at Chakotay, who had already got to his feet, and then back at the stranger.

"How dare you come in uninvited?"

"I believe I know you," the man continued. "I believe we come from the same place."

"I hardly think so," Kathryn replied. "All we have in common is that we're from the Federation."

"I believe there is more ... That's why I followed him here ... Had to see you ... tell you... I see you ... on a bed ... machines ... Captain ... I call you Captain..." He turned to Chakotay. "I know you too ... Maquis ... Commander..." He glanced back at Kathryn. "This isn't our life ... We're in the wrong place ... need to find out ... get back ... Had to tell you.."

Chakotay stepped forward. "The lady didn't invite you in so I suggest you leave."

"Please ... you must listen..."

"I don't know who you are or what you want," Kathryn continued, "but you're wasting your time..."

"I want nothing but what is right ... We work at the plant ... But it's wrong ... all wrong ... We're different people ... another life ... I see others too ... A hologram ... A Borg..."

"I don't care what you see," Kathryn replied. "I know who I am and so does Chakotay. Now please, leave..." She held the door open.

"But..."

Chakotay stepped even closer. "You heard the lady. Leave."

Tuvok backed away, his agitation growing. "You're making a mistake ... Captain ... You must listen ... I know you ... Commander ... together ... You're married ... More images ... Must see..."

He suddenly grabbed Kathryn in an attempt to mind meld with her but as soon as he did so, Chakotay seized him. Tuvok fought back and with his superior strength, managed to knock Chakotay to the floor. He put his fingers to Kathryn's temple, concentrating with all his might, all his might.

Kathryn moaned lightly as images filled her mind. She could see herself walk before her. She was dressed in a black and red outfit and her hair was cut short in a bob. She was talking, taking a seat. It was a black seat. She sat down, her back to view now. A viewscreen came to view ... stars ... nothing but stars ... She was on a starship ... There were voices ... She could hear Chakotay's voice ... Couldn't see him ...j ust hear him ... Wait ... Now she could see him ... He was standing beside the image of herself ... a captain ... she was a captain ... He was turning ... looking directly ahead ... his eyes ... looking into his eyes...

Then roses ... lots of roses...

Music...

Music was playing...

It was a wedding ... a bride ... She was the bride ... Flowers ... white ... a little girl...

Chakotay was close, smile ... holding hands ... a kiss...

Blood ... l ots of blood...

The Borg ... millions of voices ... one mind ... drones ... a drone...

More images ... flashing... Quickly. So quickly. Blinding. Dizzy. A rainbow. Orange. Red ... Black ... All black...

White mist.

A face ...Chakotay. He was looking down at her. She was lying on a couch. All was still, silent. She tried to sit up but Chakotay stopped her.

"Be still."

Kathryn lay back down on her couch. "What happened?"

"The Vulcan mind melded with you and when I freed him from you, breaking the connection, you lost consciousness."

"Where is he now?"

"He left." He paused. "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine. A slight headache."

"Perhaps we should call a doctor. We don't know what the Vulcan did to you."

"No, I'll be alright. The headache will pass." She sat up a little now. "But what I could do with is a coffee ... I mean zoorv."

Chakotay smiled and got to his feet. "A zoorv coming up..."

She was about to say that she liked her coffee black, but Chakotay had already disappeared into the kitchen. He emerged moments later with two cups of steaming zoorv. He handed Kathryn one and she took the cup with a thank you. She stared into the contents.

Chakotay noticed. "Something wrong?"

"It's black," she said quietly."

"But isn't that how you like it?"

"Yes," she replied. "But I've never told you that." She noticed that his own coffee was white. "And you have cream in yours."

Chakotay shrugged and then smiled. "Lucky guess, I guess." He sat opposite her and took a sip of his drink.

"Do you think," Kathryn began but unsure how to say it. "Do you think there could be some truth to it? That we're not who we think we are?"

"Not for a moment," Chakotay replied.

"But when the Vulcan mind melded with me I saw things ... like memories. They were powerful ... vivid. I was seeing through his eyes. I was a Captain, on a starship. You were there too ... First Officer. We were married ... a beautiful wedding."

"Imagination can be just as powerful as memory. He could convey to you what he wanted you to see."

"But why? What could he possibly achieve?"

"I don't know," Chakotay said quietly.

Kathryn put down her coffee and stood up. "And it would explain why we're so comfortable with each other. Why I knew you were a vegetarian and how you knew I like my coffee black."

Chakotay stood up also. "Those were probably just coincidences. It seems to me that Vulcan was ill, hallucinating. I've heard a lot about something called Dysphoria Syndrome. He probably has that."

"I suppose," Kathryn replied. "The images were just so powerful ... evocative..."

Chakotay put his own drink down and went over to her. "Perhaps we were married in a past life," he said half joking, half serious.

Kathryn looked up at him and smiled softly. "Perhaps we were."

Slowly, gently, Chakotay reached out and touched her face with the back of his hand. "I certainly feel as though I have known you forever."

Kathryn gazed into his chocolate eyes and felt herself drown in the dark pools. "Me too."

She gazed into his eyes a moment longer, and then drew away from him.

"I hope you're hungry because I've cooked us a feast."

"I'm famished," Chakotay replied. "What have you made?"

"Pachebri. One of my favorite vegetarian dishes. I think you'll like it too."

Chakotay smiled. "I'm sure I will."

* * *

Kathryn watched eagerly as Chakotay took a mouthful of his meal. Her headache was gone now and she felt good. Chakotay chewed on the food a moment, and then gave a nod of approval. "Very nice."

Kathryn smiled. "One of the few dishes I can cook to perfection."

"Not fond of cooking then?"

"Not at all. Although I have to say it's mutual. Cooking isn't fond of me either."

Chakotay laughed. "Well, you'd never tell by this dish. It's delicious."

Kathryn tucked into her plateful and they continued to talk as they ate. By the time they were almost finished, soft rain began to fall outside. Both Kathryn and Chakotay turned to the small window in the room.

"Rain," Kathryn said, almost reverently. "I can't remember the last time I saw rain."

"Neither can I," Chakotay replied.

She got out of her chair and walked over to the window. She watched the gray rain fall from a dusk sky onto the people busily walking by on the street. Chakotay joined her at the window and they both looked out a while.

"Such a common occurrence of nature," Kathryn said absently, "and yet at this moment it seems so wonderful." She glanced at Chakotay and once again caught her breath as their eyes met. She felt herself being pulled towards him ... being pulled and drawn ... His body turned towards her too ... drawn by an invisible force ... a force too strong. Slowly, gently, their lips drew closer until they met in a tender kiss. It was a kiss so new and yet so familiar. As the kiss deepened, Kathryn slipped her arms around Chakotay's neck and he drew her into his arms. At last they drew away but gazed still into each others eyes.

"I know it's crazy," Chakotay whispered, "but I think I love you." He brushed his fingers against her cheek. "I know I love you."

Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes and she took his hand in hers. "I love you too."

Chakotay lowered his lips to hers again and they surrounded to another kiss.

* * *

**TWO WEEKS LATER**

All was a confused haze. Kathryn sat up on a biobed in sickbay and tried to make sense of the muddle in her mind. There was someone standing beside her. She turned towards the figure. It was a male. She knew him. She knew him well.

"Doctor?"

"That's right, Captain."

She looked around. She knew where she was. She was in sickbay, sickbay of a starship called Voyager. She was Captain of the ship. She was Captain Kathryn Janeway. More than that she couldn't remember. There were other memories in the way. A place she didn't know. A power plant. Yet the people were familiar. B'Elanna. Tuvok. Chakotay. Her Chakotay. Her lover. No, her husband. She raised her hand to her head. She must have been dreaming, confused realities.

"What happened?"

"You have been the victim of memory alteration, Captain," the Doctor said as gently as he could. "Voyager hit a subspace mine which was deliberately planted in our path to disable the ship. Those responsible wanted a workforce for their power plant and knew that once the ship was consumed with tetrion radiation, everyone would be forced to evacuate. You ordered everyone into escape pods and left me in charge of Voyager."

Kathryn rubbed her aching head. A memory was returning. "Were promised assistance ... A man ... Kadan..."

"That's right, Captain. Only he didn't just treat all your injuries. He altered your memories so that you would forget your real lives and be content working at the plant." He paused. "After you had all left Voyager, I had to fend off scavengers and hide Voyager inside a nebula. The Away Team..."

"Seven, Tom and ... and ... Neelix..." Kathryn said, remembering.

The Doctor nodded. "Found Voyager in the nebula and came aboard wearing protective clothing. I told them what had happened and my suspicion that the mine had been planted deliberately. I was worried about you all as I hadn't heard from you in three days. After hours of searching, Seven located your lifesigns on a planet less than three days away. When we arrived there, Tom contacted the authorities but was told he couldn't communicate with you. He was told that you were all leading happy lives and any attempt to communicate with you would be met with hostility. We knew then something was seriously wrong and that we had to get down there somehow. We found out that there is a population shortage in the Quarra system because of a disease that entered the system three years ago, claiming the lives of millions. As a result there is a labor shortage and they are doing their best to fill it.  
To find you all, we had to somehow get down to the planet and infiltrating the workforce was the easiest way. We decided for Tom and Neelix to go and I gave Tom a disguise so that he wouldn't be recognized by the authorities. They managed to get jobs and immediately found where the crew had been taken. Tom got friendly with B'Elanna and we managed to get her back to Voyager safely. I was able to restore her memory, although it took a few hours to return completely." He paused. "To transport everyone from the planet, we had to shut the shield grid. We told Tom to seek out you and Chakotay, but he believed he could find a way of shutting down the shield grid without involving you or anyone else. He was successful, and we managed to transport everyone back to Voyager."

Kathryn remembered that vaguely, remembered one minute working at a console and the next being somewhere else completely. She remembered being ushered out of the room and taken to another.

"There was a lot of confusion, as we expected, so we've taken the crew to the cargo bay, where we've secured them until I can treat them individually. You, I began work on right away. Tom took the helm and got us as far away from Quarren as possible. No one is pursuing."

Kathryn looked around and saw for the first time that Chakotay was lying on a biobed next to her. She turned towards him, her heart racing. "Chakotay..."

The Doctor put a hand on her shoulder. "He's alright, Captain. He's just recovering from surgery."

Kathryn breathed in relief.

"Petal is fine too. She's in your quarters."

"Petal?" Then the image of a bouncy fluffy red haired dog entered her mind and with it a surge of love. "Oh Petal..."

"We located her on the planet and brought her back to Voyager. She had somehow been separated from you and was wandering the streets. She was hungry and slightly worse for wear, but I soon had her as good as new."

Kathryn smiled, grateful. "Thank you, Doctor." She then turned, about to get off the biobed. "I'd better go and see her. Then I'll go to the bridge, see what's going on..."

The Doctor caught her arm. "Go to your quarters by all means, Captain. But not to the bridge. You need to rest. Everything is under control."

"But..."

"No buts, Captain. This is a battle you won't win."

Kathryn sighed. "Very well, Doctor." There was not much point in going to the bridge anyway. To all extent and purposes, Voyager was crewless. All that needed to be dealt with could be dealt with tomorrow when everyone had their memories back.

* * *

Petal came running to meet Kathryn as she entered her quarters and Kathryn picked up the animal in her arms. The dog licked her face incessantly.

"Good to see you too, old girl," Kathryn laughed. "Good to see you."

The dog settled in her arms and Kathryn looked around her quarters. A lot of her memory had returned now. She remembered her childhood, remembered her mother and father and sister. She remembered joining Starfleet. Remembered Justin, Mark, getting stranded in the Delta Quadrant and Chakotay coming into her life. On a coffee table before her was a picture of her and Chakotay on their wedding day and a myriad emotions stirred inside as she relived the happiness of the moment it was taken. She was so glad he was her real husband. She saw her wedding ring gleam on her hand and was so relieved to find it was still there. Then a thought occurred to her. Why hadn't she noticed the presence of the ring on Quarren? Why hadn't Chakotay noticed it? She could only conclude that the oversight was due to the mind alteration.

Minutes later, the doors to her quarters opened, and Chakotay entered. Kathryn turned towards him. He was still dressed in his Quarren clothes, as was she, but it was the old Chakotay, the Chakotay she had long known and loved, that she saw standing before her. He smiled warmly at her.

"Seems we are married after all."

Kathryn nodded and put Petal down on the floor.

Chakotay walked over to her and opened his arms to her. Kathryn leant into him and they held each other tight.

* * *

Kathryn lay in Chakotay's arms in their bed and cherished his familiarity. He was a harbor, a bridge, that united the two existences that were still unsettling her mind. Her life on Quarren had seemed so real. She had so completely believed that she had voluntarily gone there, that she belonged there, and that she and Chakotay had a future there. It was frightening to think how easily they could have spent the rest of their lives in an existence that was not their own.

Sleep seemed to beckon her beneath the sweet lullaby of Chakotay's gentle fingers stroking her hair. She was very tired and her body was still weak from everything it had gone through over the past couple of weeks. The Doctor said she needed to take things easy and not exert herself. Her body still retained some of the drugs given to her on Quarren, and she was not to take any medications whatsoever without first consulting him.

Suddenly, a thought made it's way through the last remaining fog in her mind to the forefront of her memory, and awoke her senses: Chakotay's birthday.

She drew away from her husband and looked down at him.

"We missed your birthday," she said sadly. "It was eight days ago."

Chakotay just nodded. "It seems so. It doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters," Kathryn replied. "We'll celebrate this weekend. I'll book us some time on the holodeck. We can do anything you want."

Chakotay was a moment in replying. "I'd like ... I'd like us to visit our cabin again," he said quietly. "Even though it's just a holo-simulation, there's no place in the universe more special to me."

Kathryn smiled and tenderly traced the course of his tattoo. "Then we will."

**END OF PART ONE**


	12. Quarren: Part Two

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

**QUARREN**  
**Part Two**

The senior crew sat around the table in the briefing room, their memories fully returned, while Kathryn stood before them, addressing them.

"What happened to us was calculated. The Quarrens deliberately planted that mine in subspace so our ship would be disabled and we'd be forced to evacuate. If they've done it to us, then it's likely they've done it to others. I believe we owe it to them, and to those who may be captured in the future, to try and find out whether the authorities themselves are responsible or a delinquent group within them. If it's a black-market, so to speak, then bringing their actions to the attention of the authorities will be enough. If it's the regime as a whole, then there's little we can do except perhaps place a warning in this region of space for entering vessels."

"It seems to me it was the whole regime," Tom said. "If they were ignorant of what was going on, then they wouldn't have objected to us communicating with you."

"Perhaps," Kathryn answered. "But from what I remember, Quarren offers asylum to whoever needs it. It's a good way of acquiring workers. For all the authorities knew we may have been asylum seekers and so it was in our interest to prevent communication." She paused. "We need to find out. We need to go back and talk to the Quan committee."

B'Elanna stood up in concern and disbelief. "If we go back, they'll kidnap us again."

"I'm not proposing we go all the way back, just close enough so we are within communication range. And we'll be prepared. They won't get us a second time."

Harry stood up also. "I agree with the Captain." He turned towards Kathryn. "While I was on the planet, I became..." He paused. "Let's just say I became close to someone."

The senior crew glanced at each other with a glint in their eye.

"Her name was Arlei and she works for the authorities. I contacted her last night and she tells me she knew nothing about us having our memories altered."

Kathryn walked over to the young ensign, anger brewing. "You contacted her last night?"

Harry swallowed. "Yes, Ma'am."

Tom was also now on his feet. "You God damn idiot, Harry! You may aswell have covered Voyager in red flags and cried 'Here we are, come and get us!'"

Harry turned to him. "I wanted to know what was going on. I love her!"

Kathryn put up her hand. "I don't want to hear it, Harry! I've heard it all before. As soon as a pretty girl shows interest in you, all your common sense and Starfleet training disappear into thin air! And you wonder why I don't promote you? Sometimes I don't think you're worthy of the rank you've got!"

"I disguised the signal," Harry protested. "They wouldn't be able to trace us..."

"There's always ways, Harry!" She paused, trying to swallow her frustration. "But this will keep for later. You say this woman knew nothing of what was going on?"

"No, Ma'am. She says she was told we were all suffering from Dysphoria Syndrome and had to be treated. She and a few others wondered why there was so many cases of it lately, but none of them questioned Dr Kadan. He's greatly respected and revered."

"What else did she say?"

"Nothing. The connection terminated as we left communication range."

"And what were you going to do with this information?"

Harry lowered his eyes. "Nothing, Captain."

"Nothing?"

"I thought now we were free and back on course for the Alpha Quadrant, you would want to forget Quarren ever happened." He paused. "But there was something I was going to do."

Kathryn sighed. "And what was that?"

He was a moment in answering. "Leave Voyager."

Kathryn stared at him in disbelief and it was a moment before she could speak. "You're serious."

"I love her, Captain. I love her more than I've ever loved anyone. I want to be with her."

"But what about your family back on Earth?"

"They're thousands of light years away. It may take us years to reach them, decades. I have a chance for a new life on Quarren with Arlei and I want to take it."

BElanna now questioned. "But what about all of us ... your friends..."

Harry turned to her. "I'll miss you, of course I will, but I have to make a life for myself. You all have lives of your own. You and Tom have each other and the Captain has Commander Chakotay. I have no one. I'd be foolish to throw away this chance of happiness."

Kathryn had softened now and put her hand on his shoulder. "I understand, Harry, of course I do. But that's all it would be, a chance. You hardly know this girl. If things don't work out, you'd be left on Quarren forever, no turning back."

"I understand that, Captain. But I love her and I want to be with her." He paused. "I was going to leave this morning, but then I heard about this meeting to discuss what to do about other people who may have been kidnapped."

Chakotay, who had been quiet so far, spoke. "This woman, Harry. Does she have family on Quarren?"

Harry turned to him. "No, Sir. She has no one."

"Then why doesn't she come and live on Voyager instead of you going to her?"

"I thought about it, but I couldn't ask it of her. She has a good life on Quarren. I couldn't ask her to give that up to spend what could be the rest of her life on a starship."

"If she really loves you, she might want too," Kathryn said sadly. "At least give her the option of refusal."

Harry hesitated, but then nodded. Kathryn tapped his shoulder and then turned back to her senior officers.

"Alright. Tom, set a course back towards Quarren. Seven, monitor the region of space ahead thoroughly. We don't want any nasty surprises this time. Tuvok, inform me when we are within communication range." She turned to her husband. "And you, Chakotay, you take the bridge. The rest of you, dismissed."

Everyone began to leave the room but Kathryn stopped Harry as he stepped away from her. "Not so fast, Ensign. I want to talk to you."

Harry took a deep breath. "Yes, Ma'am."

She gestured to a seat and the young man sat down. She sat opposite him and waited until they were finally alone before speaking.

"There is no emotion as powerful as being in love, but also no other emotion that makes us do things that we might later come to regret. Your life is your life and you have the right to live it wherever you want. But I don't want you to make a hasty decision. If this woman doesn't want to stay with you on Voyager, think long and hard before deciding to go and stay with her on Quarren. There'll be no escape route. You'll be stuck there for the rest of your life with no hope of ever seeing your family again."

Harry said nothing, just kept his eyes on the floor. Kathryn could see he was on the verge of tears and gently lay her hand on his shoulder. "And remember, you're not alone on Voyager. We all love you. And anytime you need someone to talk to, someone to confide in, I'm here. Not as your Captain, but as your friend."

Harry looked up at her and smiled wanly. "Thank you."

Kathryn looked at his sadly. "You miss your family terribly, don't you?"

Harry nodded. "I keep telling myself that I'll see them again, but sometimes it gets hard to keep believing it, to keep hoping after all this time. Sometimes I think it would be easier to give up trying to get home than to keep trying but never reaching there."

"I understand. But remember the lines from that old poem. 'You can never tell how close you are. It may be near when it seems so far...' We all have to keep believing, Harry, keep hoping. And it's in our belief, in our hope, that we find our strength. "

Harry nodded.

Kathryn took his hand and squeezed it. "And what about all the women on Voyager? Isn't there someone onboard who could be special to you?"

"We don't choose who we love, Captain."

"No," she replied. "No, we don't."

"And I love Arlei."

"And how many other women have you thought you've loved? I don't mean to sound harsh, Harry. But can you really be sure it's love you feel for this woman?"

"As sure as I can be. I've never felt what I've felt for her for anyone."

"Not even Libby?"

"Except perhaps Libby."

Kathryn gazed at Harry sadly for a moment. "For what it's worth, Harry, I don't think it would be wise for you to leave us, and I'm not just saying that because I don't want you to go. Being in love is one thing, but loving someone, that is often something very different. Believe me, I'm not trying to philosophize here or define what love is or what it isn't or how long it takes for us to love someone. Who knows. All I'm saying is be certain, Harry. Be certain that what you feel for this woman is love before you make an irrevocable decision about the rest of your life."

* * *

"Coffee, black."

A cup of steaming black coffee materialized, but just as Kathryn was about to sit down and drink it, Tuvok's voice sounded over the comm system in her Ready room.

"Tuvok to Captain Janeway. We are within communication range."

Kathryn put down her coffee, a little regretfully, and answered. "Open a channel to Quarren and direct transmission to my ready room."

"Yes, Captain."

She turned on her monitor and moments later an unfamiliar face filled the screen.

"This is Erlan Bord of the planet Quarren. What is the nature of this communication?"

Kathryn folded her hands together as she addressed him. "My name is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Starship Voyager. I would like to speak to the Quan committee."

"No such communication is possible."

"I have important matters to discuss with them."

"Permission is required to talk to the committee."

"Then please obtain that permission for me. It is imperative that I speak to them"

The man hesitated. "Very well. I shall make a request. Be prepared for refusal."

The screen went blank and as she was waiting, Kathryn took a sip of her coffee. A few minutes later, the man appeared on screen again.

"Your request has been accepted. You will be put through directly to the committee"

"Thank you."

Seconds later, the image of what appeared to be a council chamber appeared on the screen. There were several men and women sitting in a circle and were all looking up at the screen. One of them, a male who was perhaps the leader, spoke.

"Captain Janeway. Would we be correct in believing that you are the same Captain Janeway who we are told was kidnapped by members of our race and subjected to memory altering surgery by Dr Kadan?"

"That is correct. My entire crew was kidnapped and put under mind-control."

"Then please accept our sincere apologies. After being informed of such activities by Arlei Marvo, we are investigating the activities of Dr Kadan."

"I am glad to hear it," Kathryn replied. "But my concern is for those who may have been kidnapped like we were and subjected to mind-control. Will their true memories be restored?"

"Yes, Captain. All those we find who have been subjected to memory alteration, will have their memories restored. That I promise you."

Kathryn smiled. "Then I am content."

* * *

Kathryn waited anxiously in her ready room for Harry to come and see her and tell her his decision. She had allowed him to transport to the planet to discuss things with Arlei and was told by Seven that he had just returned. At last, the door chime sounded, but it was a moment before Kathryn was able to give the command to enter. She had come to love Harry dearly and the thought of leaving him behind on this very questionable planet was awful. She had to force herself to be strong and turned towards the door, bracing herself for whatever news Harry had to deliver. The doors opened and Harry came in. There was a huge grin on his face and he spoke before Kathryn had a chance too.

"Arlei's coming to Voyager," he said. "I told her everything that has happened to us, how we got stranded in this Quadrant and how we've been trying to make it home for the past seven years, and she said she would like to be a part of our journey. She has nothing keeping her on Quarren, except a job, and nothing to lose by coming to live with us, even if things don't work out between the two of us."

Relief consumed Kathryn and she smiled happily. "That's wonderful, Harry. Wonderful."

"I'm so happy, Captain," he beamed, "so happy."

Kathryn went over to him and lay her hand on his shoulder. "And so you deserve to be."

"She's speaking to the authorities right now, informing them of her decision, and will contact us when she's ready to be transported. "

Kathryn nodded. "I look forward to meeting her."

"You'll love her, Captain. You really will."

Kathryn smiled. "I'm sure I will." She stepped away from him. "There's just some things we need to discuss... like where this young lady is going to sleep"

"She can share my quarters."

Kathryn had to force back a smile at that expected answer. "Don't you think it would be more courteous to give her a room of her own, not to mention sensible given the circumstances?"

"Circumstances?"

"When you and she met, you were under mind-control. You need to get to know each other for who you really are. This way you can take things slowly, no pressure."

Harry sighed. "I suppose you're right."

Kathryn smiled. "I'll have one of the unused dorms converted into a room for her."

* * *

"Time for a coffee?"

Kathryn looked up from her monitor into the face of her husband.

"Only in my dreams. Today seems to be the day I am destined to have every coffee break interrupted. Three cups, and not one did I get to enjoy ... hot."

Chakotay laughed. "Maybe fourth time lucky, although you shouldn't be drinking so much of the stuff. It isn't good for you."

Kathryn sighed. "Is this health lecture time?"

"Yes." He went over to the replicator and replicated two cups of coffee. He took one over to her and kept the other for himself. "Make this one your last of the day."

Kathryn smiled, secretly liking his concern. "Yes, husband." No sooner had she raised the cup to her lips than the door chime sounded. She glanced at Chakotay. "Told you." She then turned to the door. "Come in."

It was Seven.

"What can I do for you, Seven?"

"I would like to discuss with you the matter of my accommodation."

Kathryn put down her coffee. "Go ahead."

"I do not think it is fair that the woman Ensign Kim is bringing to Voyager is to have quarters created for her while I have to continue sharing a dormitory and regenerating in Cargo Bay 2."

Kathryn folded her arms, a glint in her eye. "Are you saying you would like to have your own quarters, Seven?"

"Yes, Captain," she answered boldly. "That is precisely what I am saying."

"Then consider it done. We'll have another dorm converted for you and see if we can have your alcove installed there." Kathryn stood up and smiled at the surprised look on her protégé's face. "There's no need to look so surprised, Seven. I've been waiting for you to bring this up. It's only right that you should have your own quarters. I just wanted you to become aware of that need yourself."

The door chime sounded again. Kathryn called out. "Come in."

This time Harry came in with a pretty young woman who was clearly Arlei. Apart from black markings on her white forehead, she looked completely human. Her hair was a long curly brown and her eyes were a distinct shade of violet. She was wearing a black outfit that resembled a Starfleet uniform and showed off her slender figure.

"Captain, Commander, Seven, I'd like you to meet Arlei."

Kathryn smiled. "Welcome on board Voyager."

The woman smiled in return. "Thank you for allowing me to stay with you. I promise I will work hard. I haven't worked as an engineer for a long time now, but I will do all that I can to re-educate myself."

"How about you concentrate on settling in first," Kathryn said kindly. "We can discuss a work placement for you another time."

Suddenly, Neelix's voice sounded over the comm system.

"Ladies and gentleman, if I may have your attention please. You'll be pleased to know that to celebrate our release from Quarren, thanks to Lieutenant Thomas Eugene Paris, Seven of Nine, the Doctor and myself, and to celebrate the arrival of Arlei Marvo, there will be a party in the Mess Hall starting at 20:00 hours tonight. Hope to see you all there. Neelix out."

Kathryn smiled at the newest addition to the Voyager family. "I hope you like parties, Arlei."

"I certainly do, Captain."

Another voice sounded over the comm system, only this time it was the Doctor's. "Doctor to Captain Janeway. Please report to sick bay."

Kathryn sighed. Were the demands ever going to stop? "On my way, Doctor." She turned once more to Harry and Arlei.

"I will speak to you both later."

"Yes, Captain," Harry said, understanding that was their cue to leave.

As they left, Kathryn turned to Seven. "Seven, go and inform Lieutenant Crowman that we will need another dorm converted for you."

Seven nodded. "I will do so immediately."

She left the room and the doors shut behind her, leaving Kathryn and Chakotay alone. Chakotay went over to his wife and Kathryn leant her head against his chest briefly as his arms rested on her shoulders.

"I'll be so glad when things get back to normal around here," she said wearily.

She allowed herself the luxury of Chakotay's closeness a moment, and then drew away from him.

"You okay with taking the bridge until Tuvok's shift?"

He nodded.

"Then I'd better get to sickbay."

She kissed his cheek and then left the room.

* * *

Sickbay was deserted when Kathryn arrived. The Doctor was in his office and he stood up as she entered the room.

"You wished to see me, Doctor."

"Yes," he replied. "Take a seat."

Kathryn took a seat and the Doctor sat again. He seemed nervous and his anxiety made Kathryn anxious.

"What is it, Doctor?"

He bit his holographic lip, unsure how to proceed. "I'm afraid I have something to tell you, Captain."

Kathryn sighed. "Don't tell me. You wish to go and live on Quarren too."

"No," the Doctor answered, almost hurt at the suggestion. "I am well passed that foolishness. This is about a medical matter."

Kathryn's anxiety kicked in again. "Medical matter?"

The Doctor fidgeted nervously. "When I treated your memory alteration, I also, as a matter of course, briefly examined you to make sure you were in good physical health." He paused. "The exam showed that you ... It showed that you are pregnant."

The blood drained out of Kathryn's face. "Pregnant?"

"I wanted to wait until your memory had fully returned before telling you."

"But it's impossible," Kathryn continued, her voice quiet. "Chakotay and I have always been so careful..."

"On Voyager," the Doctor continued, "but you conceived on Quarren. The drugs they gave you seem to have stimulated ovulation. It may have been a side effect or a deliberate manipulation. They are under populated after all."

Kathryn stood up, leaning against the back of the chair for support. "And you're certain, absolutely certain, that I'm pregnant?"

"Without a doubt, Captain. You're six days pregnant."

Kathryn was visibly trembling and the Doctor put his hand on her shoulder. "Would you like me to summon Chakotay?"

"Yes," Kathryn answered. Then she turned to him. "I mean no. I don't want him to know... not yet..."

"But, Captain..."

"I said no, Doctor!" She paused. "Now, if you'll excuse me..."

WIthout another word, she left.

* * *

It was almost 9pm and the party in the mess hall was in full swing. People came and went, but still there was no sign of Kathryn. Chakotay was beginning to worry. He hadn't seen her for over four hours and as far as he knew there was no crisis on the ship to keep her from the party. The last time he had seen her was when the Doctor had summoned her to sickbay. Was something wrong? He had seen the Doctor only an hour ago and, thinking of it now, he had been acting strangely, almost as though he didn't want to talk to him. He put down his glass of non-alcoholic wine on a table nearby and made his way to the door. Just as he was about to leave, Kathryn entered. She was still dressed in uniform and had made no effort for the party.

"Kathryn," Chakotay said in relief. "I was just about to come and find you."

"I had some things to do," she said.

She looked pale, distracted, and Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she said, forcing a smile. "Just tired."

"What did the Doctor want to see you about in sickbay?"

She hesitated. "This and that ... nothing really." She looked over to the drinks table, wanting to change the subject. "I could do with a drink."

Neelix interrupted. "And there are lots of drinks to choose from, Captain. Orange juice, apple juice, leola root juice, strawberry juice, blackcurrant juice, tomato juice, wines of all kinds, alcoholic or non-alcoholic, spirits and tea, both regular and herbal. But I suppose you'll have the usual."

Kathryn's mind was all over the place, swimming around in a storm trying to reach an embankment. "Usual?"

"Coffee..."

"No," she replied, finding a brief respite from the storm. "Not tonight. I'll just have an apple juice."

"As you wish, Captain."

The talaxian hurried on his way to fulfill her request.

"Very proud of you," Chakotay smiled, "turning down a coffee."

Kathryn smiled weakly but said nothing. Moments later Neelix returned with the apple juice.

"One glass of apple juice for Captain Janeway."

Kathryn took the glass gratefully. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Captain. Just don't drink it all this minute. Now you're here, we can make a toast."

Kathryn's stomach churned. "A toast?" The Doctor couldn't have told them...

"To the happy couple."

Her stomach somersaulted now.

"Harry and Arlei," Neelix continued.

Relief consumed Kathryn. "Of course," she smiled. "Harry and Arlei."

Neelix saw that Chakotay didn't have a glass and shook his head. "No drink, Commander? We can't have that, not for a toast. I'll get you an apple juice, just like the Captain."

Before Chakotay could speak, the talaxian had disappeared. He returned seconds later with another drink.

"There we go, Commander. Now you're ready." He cast a quick glance around the room. "Everyone else seems to have a glass." He saw Harry and Arlei standing together in the far side of the room. "And Harry and Arlei are present. Now would be the perfect time."

He disappeared again and, moments later, the sound of silver on glass cut across the room.

"Ladies and gentleman, if I could have your attention please..."

Silence fell on the room and all eyes turned towards Neelix.

"I would like to take this moment to say how wonderful it is to have you all back with us and to welcome Arlei onboard. I hope that Voyager becomes as dear a home to her as it has to all of us, and that she and Harry have a wonderful future together. Let's all make a toast. To Harry and Arlei."

The crowd responded. "Harry and Arlei."

As Neelix finished, chatter once more filled the air. Kathryn watched as Tom and B'Elanna talked and laughed together in the distance. Tom's hand was resting on B'Elanna's abdomen, the baby evidently kicking. She watched a moment and then looked away. As she did so, she saw that the Doctor's eyes upon her. They were questioning, concerned, and she had to look away from him too. Perhaps it had been wrong to come to the party. She wasn't ready for this. She needed to be alone. She felt a hand upon her shoulder. It was Chakotay's.

"I'm just going to talk to Ayala."

"Alright," she said quietly.

As soon as he left her, the Doctor approached. Kathryn turned away again, but there was no escaping him.

"Have you told the Commander?"

"No," Kathryn replied. "And I don't want to discuss this here."

"I understand that, but I'm worried about you."

"Well there's no need to be, I'm fine."

"You've had a shock, Captain. You need to talk and..."

"I said I'm fine and I don't want to hear another word about this..."

"But..."

"Not another word!"

The Doctor was subdued and nodded regretfully. "Yes, Captain."

* * *

The night was still and quiet but Kathryn couldn't sleep. Thought was chasing thought in her mind and everything was confusion. How could she have a child and captain Voyager? It was unthinkable. But so were the alternatives...

Unable to quieten the confusion in her mind, Kathryn got out of bed, put on her nightrobe, and made her way into the living room, leaving Chakotay and Petal asleep. In dim light, she replicated herself a mug of hot chocolate and went to sit on the couch. Outside the window, stars flew by at warp speed and Kathryn gazed out at them as she tried to find a way through the storm in her mind. Somehow she had to deal with this. There was a life growing inside her, a precious life, that was depending on her for survival even more than anyone on Voyager. She had to be strong, she had to face up to her responsibilities...

"Trouble sleeping?"

Kathryn turned sharply at the sound of Chakotay's voice. "Chakotay ... I thought you were asleep..."

He walked over to her, concern in his kind eyes. " What's wrong?"

Kathryn turned away from him and was visibly tense. "We need to talk," she said quietly. "There's something I have to tell you."

Chakotay slowly sat beside her. "What is it?"

Kathryn bit her lip, mustered all her strength, and then looked up at him. "I'm pregnant."

A light filled Chakotay's eyes, but otherwise he was still. "Pregnant?"

"Six days. I conceived on Quarren." She took his strong hands in hers. "Under Federation Law we have five choices. Either we continue the pregnancy, we freeze the embryo until we are ready to be parents, we find a surrogate mother or use an artificial womb to nurture the child, or we donate the embryo to a childless couple to be raised by them." She paused. "I want to continue the pregnancy, Chakotay. Freezing and transplanting an embryo carries so many risks and I don't want to take them."

"Of course not," Chakotay said gently.

"But how are we going to manage? We barely have enough time for each other, let alone for a child..."

"We'll make the time. I'll work longer hours so that you can work less..."

"And what? Kill yourself? You're working too long hours as it is..."

Chakotay brushed a loose strand of hair away from her face. "We'll work something out. The others will help us. We'll manage."

Kathryn looked away from him as tears welled in her eyes. "I shouldn't have let this happen ... not even on Quarren..."

"We were under mind-control. It wasn't your fault. And I'm just as responsible as you."

Kathryn tearfully looked away. "This is so terrible ... all of it..."

Chakotay took her hand in his. "Terrible is when we're under attack from the Borg or another hostile species. Terrible is when an away team is missing or we're trapped in an anomaly. But this, a new life ... this is wonderful..."

"Exactly," Kathryn said, turning back to him. "A new life. I have a new life growing inside me, a baby, our baby. There could be no life more precious. And yet here I am wishing it didn't exis, yet at the same time wanting it more than I have ever wanted anything in my entire life."

"Oh Kathryn..."

"I don't know how to cope with this, Chakotay. I just don't know..."

Chakotay squeezed her hand. "You don't have to cope with it, not alone. This isn't your responsibility, it's our responsibility. And together we can do it, I know we can." He moved his hand gently to her abdomen.

"There's a miracle taking place inside you. Let's not try to make sense of it or ask why. Let's just be thankful."

Kathryn nodded, entwined her hand momentarily with his, and then they held each other close.

**END OF PART ONE**


	13. Vengeance

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

**VENGEANCE**

The afternoon was lazy. Kathryn sat in her chair in her ready room and drank a cup of hot milk with honey. She was pining terribly for coffee but it was getting easier to live without her daily dosage. She looked around the room, tapping her finger against the handle of her cup. It had been an uneventful week and with Voyager newly replenished on energy reserves and repairs there was less than usual to keep her busy. In fact, at this moment, she had nothing at all to do, at least nothing that required immediate attention. She had just returned from paying Arlei a visit in Engineering and the girl was adapting well to her new post. Kathryn hadn't been sure about placing her in Engineering at first, but she was very competent and would no doubt prove to be a great asset to the crew. It was a nice feeling having nothing to do, but also somewhat unsettling. She felt guilty if she wasn't working, even though she had tolled up more vacation hours over the past seven years than even she dared to calculate.

She lay back against her chair and put her hand to her stomach. Now the shock of her pregnancy was over, she was looking forward to having the baby. She had always wanted children but had come to accept that motherhood was not something she would have the privilege of experiencing. She and Justin had planned on having children but Mark had never really been keen on the idea. He liked his independence too much and had shied of commitment of any kind. It was only after everything that had happened with the Cardassians that he had proposed and then more as a gesture than a true desire. Children were still something he wasn't ready for and it would have been the wrong time for her too. Everything happens for a reason, her mother used to say, and the older she was getting, the more she was beginning to believe it. She had found her true soulmate in Chakotay and Mark had evidently found his too as he had married the woman he worked with in only a fraction of the time it had taken him to ask her to be his wife.

Kathryn put down her drink, picked up her padd, and went over to the replicator. She had paid her third visit to the Doctor that morning and he had advised her to read as much literature as she could about pregnancy. She thought now was as good a time as ever to start reading. He had recommended some titles to her and she replicated these. Three books appeared, piled on top of each other. Kathryn picked them up and went over to her desk again. She took another sip of her drink and then looked through the pile. There were cute pictures of babies on all of the books and she felt a warm feeling inside as she gazed at them. In just under nine months time, she and Chakotay would have a baby like this. Chakotay was quietly thrilled, she could tell. He wasn't saying a lot, but she knew that was for her benefit. He wanted to give her time to get used to the idea of motherhood. But if it was up to him, they would already be planning the nursery. Like Tom and B'Elanna, they were going to have to modify their quarters to accommodate it. She had never really thought about children for her and Chakotay. While they were in the Delta Quadrant they had both known it was an impossibility and, given their respective ages, they had never discussed the possibility when they got home. They had been happy, very happy, with just each other. But children were clearly something Chakotay had always longed for too but, like for her, it had never been the right time. Now, destiny had made the decision for them.

Kathryn flicked through one of the books and looked at the pictures of a developing baby. She knew all about the biology, but it all seemed different somehow now she was having a baby of her own. It was as though she was reading it for the first time. She picked up the next book and began looking through that one too. It was thicker than the first and seemed to be more about multiple births than anything. Not as useful as the first so she turned to the third. She was just about to look through it when she heard Chakotay's voice over the comm.

"Chakotay to Janeway. Please report to the bridge."

Kathryn put down her book and left the room.

* * *

When she arrived on the bridge, there was an image of a Kobali man on the viewscreen. She recognized him to be the same Kobali who had contacted her a few weeks ago, accusing her of stealing their zophyre.

Chakotay was standing before his chair and spoke as Kathryn reached him.

"This is Yoran from Koballor, a planet in the fourth Kobali Empire."

Kathryn gazed hard at the man. "I remember you. What do you want?"

"I want to apologize, Captain," he said calmly. "We now know you did not steal the zophyre. It was taken by our enemies, the Souri. Our witness was mistaken."

"Your witness was once a crew member of mine and retains memories of her past life," Kathryn answered bitterly. "She was not mistaken. She deliberately incriminated us."

"She saw your ship and assumed you had taken it," Yoran continued. "It was an easy mistake to make."

"Mistake, like hell!" Kathryn cried. She then bit her lip, trying to swallow her growing anger. "Examine her memory. You'll soon find memories that shouldn't be there. Seska was always scheming and manipulative. Incriminating us is exactly the kind of thing she would do to exact revenge."

"I understand your sentiment, Captain," Yoran replied, "but I assure you that was not the case. It was an unfortunate episode, that is all."

Kathryn was almost fuming now. "Unfortunate? Is that the only sentiment you can express? You duplicated me without my permission and then tortured my duplicate to death. I can think of other words to describe it, such as inhumane, barbaric, and an atrocious violation!"

"You have every right to be angry, Captain. What we did was wrong. We were desperate to retrieve the zophyre."

"I don't care how desperate you were. There is no excusing what you did."

"No, Captain," he answered sadly. "There isn't. But I hope you will give us a chance to make it up to you. We know you are trying to get to the other side of the galaxy and we can help you achieve that goal by sharing with you our technology."

Kathryn shared a glance with Chakotay.

"Our transwarp technology will be able to transport you twenty thousand light years within minutes. I know your journey is probably longer than that, but it would spare you many years of traveling." He paused. "We don't usually share our technology, in fact we never have before. But I believe this case merits it."

Kathryn swallowed, this time from nervous emotion rather than anger, and was a moment in answering. "We will need time to discuss this amongst ourselves."

Yoran nodded. "As you wish, Captain."

"We will contact you when we have made a decision."

He nodded again and the transmission ended. Kathryn stared at it a moment, her mind swimming, and then turned to her First Officer.

"Chakotay, my ready room."

* * *

As soon as the doors shut behind them, Kathryn turned to Chakotay. Her mind was chaos and she needed a sounding board.

"What do you think?"

"That we would be crazy to accept," he replied honestly. "I don't trust Yoran for a second and God knows what scheme Seska has dreamt up."

Kathryn stepped closer. "But if the offer is genuine..."

"And what are the chances of that? These people are capable of great cruelty. Why would they suddenly develop a conscience?"

"I hear what you're saying, Chakotay," Kathryn said, turning away, "but what could they possibly achieve by deceiving us? They have technology far in advance of ours."

"In some respects. But their ships aren't as developed as ours. Voyager could serve as a prototype."

"If they wanted to build great ships, they have the technology to do so. They don't need us or Voyager." She paused. "I despise that man, I despise him just as much as you do for what they did, but every instinct tells me this offer is genuine."

"And every instinct of mine says this is a death trap," Chakotay answered. "We can't risk it, Kathryn."

Kathryn moved away from him now, frustration rising. "And we can't afford to just throw away a chance like this. It would get us so much closer to home!"

"We can if it's too risky."

Kathryn shook her head and then turned to him, determined. "I've made my decision, Chakotay. We'll investigate this further."

Chakotay sighed. "How, exactly?"

"You, Tuvok and I will go to the planet and "discuss" this offer. We'll soon discover then if it's genuine."

"It would take us at least three weeks to travel to their planet..."

"I know that, but..."

"And if their offer isn't genuine? If they take us hostage?"

"I'm certain that won't happen." She took a deep breath. "I'm not changing my mind on this, Chakotay. Do I have your support?"

Chakotay was a moment in answering, but then nodded. "On one condition. You don't go to the planet."

"Chakotay..." Kathryn protested.

"That Seven goes instead. You can't go in your condition."

Kathryn sighed. "I'll be alright, Chakotay. I'm pregnant, not ill. I'm perfectly capable of..."

"I know you are, but anything could happen down there. Risking our own lives is one thing, but not the baby's..."

Kathryn lowered her eyes, almost in shame. "You're right," she said softly. "I'm sorry." She looked up at him and smiled concedingly. "I'll ask Seven to go instead." She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to Tuvok."

Tuvok's voice sounded. "Go ahead, Captain."

"Open a channel to the Kobali and direct it to my ready room."

"Understood. Tuvok out."

She now went over to her monitor and switched it on. She sat down and waited for Yoran's face to fill the screen. Chakotay watched her a moment and then turned away. He wasn't happy with this, wasn't happy at all. But it was ultimately Kathryn's decision and he had to abide by it.

At last the connection was established and Yoran's face appeared.

"I trust you have come to a decision, Captain."

"Yes," she replied. "If it is acceptable to you, I would like to send two of my senior officers and a crew member to discuss your offer of assistance further."

"It would be more than acceptable," Yoran replied, "it would be a delight."

"It will, however, take us several weeks to travel to your planet."

"No need for that. We can transport your people. Our transporters work up to a range of 75 light years. Inform me when your people are ready for transportation."

"I will," Kathryn replied. "Thank you."

The connection terminated and Kathryn once more got to her feet.

"I'll inform Tuvok and Seven," she said to Chakotay.

She made to pass him but he caught her arm. "I don't think we should transport. I think we should go by ship, no matter if it takes three weeks, and then take a shuttle to the surface. At least then we'll have some means of escape should they take us prisoner."

Kathryn looked up at him. "I understand your concern, Chakotay, but I think we should go along with what they want. We don't want to appear hostile." She reached up and brushed her fingers against his cheek. "And I wouldn't have you do this if I thought there was any real risk to your life. I love you too much."

Chakotay had to smile at that and took her hand in his. "You inform Seven and I'll tell Tuvok. The sooner we go, the quicker we'll return."

Kathryn smiled. "Deal."

* * *

Chakotay, Tuvok and Seven materialized inside what appeared to be a great hall. The ceiling was an enormous glass dome and there was a long table in the center of the room that must have had the capacity to seat a hundred people. It was loaded with food and drink as though a banquet was about to begin. The room was full of men and women talking and drinking, and soft music was playing. Yoran, accompanied with two men and two women, was waiting to greet them.

"Welcome to Koballor. I thought it would be pleasant to discuss matters over a meal."

Chakotay thought it was better to play along for the moment even though he didn't trust Yoran at all.

"That would indeed be pleasant."

Yoran went over to the table and sat at it's head. He then gestured to Chakotay, Tuvok and Seven to sit beside him. The three of them awkwardly made their way over to the table and sat down. Chakotay sat at Yoran's left and Seven and Tuvok sat along side him. Yoran's companions sat on the opposite side.

"What we propose is quite simple," Yoran began. "We will create a transwarp corridor and you will enter it. Some modification will need to be made to your ship to ensure structural integrity, but they can be done in no time at all."

Tuvok questioned. "These modifications, what will they entail?"

"I am not a scientist," Yoran replied, "so cannot answer that." He gestured to the female Kobali woman sitting at his right. "But Rinori here can provide you with the details."

He then clicked his fingers and immediately a young Kobali servant girl approached the table with a jug of what seemed to be water in her hands. She poured a glassful for Yoran and then began to pour a glassful for everyone else.

"But before everyone starts talking science," Yoran continued, "let's eat a little. I would like to know more about your time in this Quadrant."

* * *

The meal over, Chakotay, Tuvok and Seven managed to steal some moments alone in a secluded corner of the hall while Yoran was called away to answer an important incoming message.

"I never thought I would say it," Chakotay said, "but I believe their offer is genuine."

"That is the conclusion I have reached also," Tuvok replied.

Chakotay turned to Seven. "Seven?"

"I am in agreement."

Chakotay smiled. "Then let's make our departure as soon as we can and report the good news to the Captain."

A lot of people suddenly passed them and amongst them an old woman. Her back was bent and she was clearly having trouble walking. Just as she reached Tuvok, she swayed and fell to the floor. She moaned in pain and Chakotay, Tuvok and Seven turned to her. She tried to raise herself from the floor, but fell down again. Chakotay knelt beside her.

"Here, let me help you."

He helped her to her feet and she held on tight to his arm.

"Let me help you to a chair," Chakotay continued. He turned to Tuvok. "Tuvok, see if you can find a physician..."

"No," the woman protested, her voice raspy. "There's no need ... T'is my age ... All I need is help to my quarters ... tis close by ... My daughter there..."

"Alright," Chakotay said kindly. "I'll help you." He turned again to Tuvok and Seven. "If Yoran returns before I do, tell him where I've gone."

"Yes, Sir," Tuvok replied.

* * *

It was a longer walk than Chakotay expected to the old woman's quarters, but she seemed to be bearing up well. If anything, her pace was quickening. He talked as they walked, telling her how much he had enjoyed the meal and meeting her people. She talked back a little, but it seemed to make her breathless so he tried to keep her from talking as much as he could.

They turned a corner, leaving the main corridor and entering a side corridor that was shorter and narrower. Not long after turning into it, the old woman became faint again. Chakotay held her tighter so she wouldn't fall.

"Thank you," she whispered. "Most kind ... Not far now ... Few more doors..."

They walked on a little and then the woman stopped before a small silver door. "This is it ... Will need keycode ... can't..."

Chakotay understood. "What is the number?"

"09678"

Holding the woman up with one arm, he keyed in the number with his other hand. Seconds later, the door slid open. He helped the woman inside and the door shut behind them. The lights automatically came on and the woman drew away from him.

"Very kind of you, Chakotay," she said in a voice that was all too familiar, "to help a poor old lady to her home."

Chakotay inhaled sharply. "Seska."

She laughed. "Actually, my name is Corvalen now. But you can call me Seska. Pleased to see me?"

"As much as I would be the reaper!"

"Now, now," Seska said, stepping closer to him. "That's not very friendly."

"And I suppose you think falsely accusing us of stealing the zophyre was a perfect act of friendship."

"Not you," she replied. "Janeway."

Chakotay seized her. "Why, Seska?"

"Because I wanted to make her pay for what she did to me. I wanted to make them all pay!" She then reached out and touched Chakotay's cheek. "It was just unfortunate that you would have to suffer too. But that's the price of allying yourself with the enemy."

Chakotay pushed her hand away from his face. "What happened to you was no one's fault but your own. You were the victim only of your own scheming and cheating mind!"

"What choice did I have?" Seska cried, breaking away from him. "I hated it on Voyager. I hated serving under that bitch. And you were no comfort! I had a chance of a new life with the Kazon and I'll tell you this, it was a damn sight better than life on Voyager ever was! And we were doing you all a favor by putting you on that planet. At least then you would have had a chance of some kind of life! Look at you, Chakotay. Four years later and you're still on that damn ship in the middle of the Delta Quadrant!"

"There's only one reason you put us on that planet," Chakotay replied, "and that's because you wanted Voyager for yourself! You're selfish and manipulative and your mind is poison!"

Seska laughed and stepped closer to him again, her voice seductive. "That's not what you said when you made love to me, Chakotay. You said I was amazing. You said I was the most dynamic woman you have ever known. Do you remember? Do you remember how we would make mad passionate love all night in your bed? Do you remember how we drove each other crazy and took each other to levels of ecstasy neither of us had known before? You said no woman could ever be as good as me..."

Chakotay's voice was hard. "And you said you were a Bajoran while the whole time you were a Cardassian spy! Everything between us was a lie!"

"Except our love."

Chakotay almost spat out the words. "You wouldn't know the meaning of the word!"

Seska laughed again. "And I suppose you do?"

"Yes," he replied. "I do."

Seska backed away from him, an amused look in her eye. "So, you've found someone. I didn't think you'd hold out seventy five years. It wasn't in your nature. Who is she? That blonde you were without there?"

Chakotay tried to fight his rage. "What do you want, Seska? Why did you bring me here?"

She smiled, almost childlike. "I just wanted to see you. Is that so bad?"

"Well, now you've seen me." He turned around and headed for the door. He tried what appeared to be the open button but the door wouldn't open.

"Open this door."

Seska went over to him and she saw his wedding ring sparkle under the light. "And a band of gold. This woman sure has got you trapped. Who is she? Loreena? Joarne? One of the Delaney sisters?" She chuckled. "Or did Janeway get so desperate that she ordered you to take her on her desk in her ready room?"

"Just let me out, Seska."

She laughed as she saw the truth on his face. "That's it, isn't it? You've married Janeway."

"I said let me out!"

"My, my, who would have thought it of Janeway? She seemed so stuck up already that there wouldn't be room for a man. At least not one of Maquis proportions. But well, well, wonders will never cease." She licked her drying lips. "So tell me, Chakotay, what is she like in bed? Have all these years of deprivation made her a wild mare? How many others on Voyager has she slept with? Did she work her way up the ranks before finishing with you?"

"Like I said," Chakotay replied, turning to her. "Your mind is poison."

Seska laid her hands on his arms and tried to wrap them around his neck. "Oh come now, I'm only teasing. I don't want to argue with you. Arguing was never what we did best. I want you to stay with me. I want you to stay with me on this planet. We were good together once and we can be again. You don't need Janeway. I'm more than what you need. I know I look different but inside I'm still me. And while we Kobali may be infertile, we know how to have a good time. Let me please you, Chakotay. Let me please you like only I know how..."

Chakotay tried to pull her away from him. "Seska..."

"Let me make love to you, Chakotay. Forget about Janeway, forget about Voyager. Just remember how good it used to be. Remember how we drove each crazy, remember the pleasure, the ecstasy. No woman could compare..."

Chakotay gripped her hard and managed to pull her away. "I'd rather be thrown in a den of lions and eaten alive than stay with you! What we shared was lies, Seska, all lies, and means nothing to me! You mean nothing to me! And I wish to God I had never met you!"

Tears welled in Seska's eyes and she angrily drew away. She turned to the door and pounded the keyboard with her fingers until the door opened. "Get out, Chakotay," she cried. "Get out!"

Chakotay was only too glad to leave and made his way out, his anger just as profound as hers.

"You'll be sorry," she said as he stepped into the corridor. "You'll be so sorry!"

Chakotay turned to her, his gaze cold. "Like hell I will."

With that, he angrily walked away.

* * *

Kathryn paced her ready room nervously. She hadn't heard from the away team in over three hours and was beginning to worry desperately. It surely couldn't take this long to discuss their offer. Something must have happened. There must have been an ulterior motive after all. She should have listened to Chakotay, she ...

"Chakotay to Janeway."

Kathryn sighed in relief at the sound of her First Officer and husband's voice.

"Janeway here."

"We're ready to return to Voyager. The Kobali are going to transport us to transporter room one."

Kathryn smiled happily. "I'll be waiting for you. Janeway out."

* * *

Chakotay, Tuvok and Seven waited patiently in the Kobali's transporter room for the transport that would send them back to Voyager. Just as it was about to be initialized, Yoran appeared accompanied by two guards. He walked briskly, his shoulders hunched and his face angry.

"Stop transportation!"

Chakotay stepped forward. "What's going on?"

The two guards seized him roughly.

"You are under arrest for rape and assault."

It took Chakotay only moments to realize this was Seska's doing.

"Both are serious crimes in our dominions and you will tried and punished according to our laws."

"I did nothing," Chakotay replied. "Seska ... Corvalen ... She's lying. Just as she lied about us stealing the zophyre!"

"No," Yoran cried, stepping closer. "You raped and battered her because she accused your people of stealing the zophyre!"

Tuvok intervened. "I trust you have proof of the allegations against the Commander."

"Corvalen is in the sanatorium now being treated for her injuries," Yoran replied. "She was most violently attacked."

"Well, it wasn't me," Chakotay protested.

"Yes it was. You just thought she would be too gutless to report you." He turned to the guards. "Take this beast away..."

Again Tuvok intervened. "Sir, I must..."

Yoran turned to him. "Silence! This man has committed a crime within our dominion and will be subjected to the same criminal action as one of our people."

"But..."

"It's alright, Tuvok," Chakotay replied. "I'll go with them." He turned back to Yoran. "I trust there will be a trial?"

Yoran's hard eyes met his. "Your case will be heard in an hours time and your sentence pronounced." He then turned to Tuvok. "Inform your captain what has happened."

With that, he clicked his fingers and the guards escorted Chakotay out of the room.

* * *

Kathryn was waiting eagerly in transporter room one for the away team to arrive. She smiled when she saw them materialize, but her smile faded when she saw that Chakotay was missing.

"Where's Chakotay?"

Seven approached her. "He has been arrested."

Kathryn's face paled and her lip trembled. "What do you mean?"

Tuvok continued. "He has been accused of beating and raping a native woman."

Kathryn's face contorted in anger. "Seska."

"So the Commander claims," Tuvok responded. "But that is not a certainty."

"Like hell it is not!" She furiously began to make her way out of the room. "I want a channel opened to Koballor and directed to my ready room immediately!"

* * *

Yoran's face appeared on the monitor and his angry countenance matched Kathryn's.

"I want my husband released immediately," she cried, too angry to greet him.

"I'm afraid that will not be possible," Yoran answered. "He is accused of..."

"I know what he is accused of and I'm telling you he's innocent. This is all Seska's doing, all her lies."

"The woman in question is Corvalen and she has serious injuries that she says..."

"I don't give a damn about her injuries! Whoever gave them to her was not Chakotay!"

"And she says it was! She says he saw her in the corridor outside her quarters and forced his way in as she made hers. He told her he was going to make her pay for falsely accusing his people of stealing the zophyre and then he beat her and raped her."

"My husband would never do such a thing! She's lying! She's lying about this just as she was about the zophyre!"

"Captain ... ."

"She's made the same accusations before. Don't you see? She retains memories of her past life, a life in which she was a member of our crew..."

"So you keep saying, Captain. But there is no proof of that. She could have come from any part of the galaxy. Even from another."

"There's proof that she was lying about the zophyre!"

"She was mistaken! She thought it was you who stole the zophyre as she saw your ship in the vicinity. That's why she immediately pursued your ship and demanded it back ... ."

"No she didn't," Kathryn cried. "We weren't even in the vicinity of any m-class planet the day the zophyre was taken and we certainly never had any conflict with her!"

"You're the one who's lying, Captain!"

"Then show me the proof! Show me the proof that Voyager was where Seska claims that day!"

"Her word is proof enough."

"And I suppose she told you immediately, did she? I suppose she told you straight away that it was us who took the zophyre?"

"No," Yoran replied, his voice falling a little. "It was three days later when we detected your ship on sensors."

"Because she recognized our ship," Kathryn continued. "And she wanted to be revenged."

"She made a mistake, Captain, that is all..."

"Examine her memory. Delve deep. You'll see she remembers..."

"I know what you're doing, Captain," Yoran snarled. "You're trying to extricate your husband by discrediting the victim. Well it won't work. We may not have proof of your whereabouts the day the zophyre was taken, but we certainly have proof of your husband's violent attack. And he is going to be punished for his crime. That I promise you."

Kathryn swallowed nervously. "What are you going to do?"

"He will be put on trial in just under an hours time and once a verdict of guilty has been passed, he will be immediately executed."

Kathryn stared at him in absolute horror and for a moment couldn't speak. "But..."

"And that is my last word on the matter. You will be updated."

The connection terminated and the screen went blank.

* * *

Chakotay sat on the floor of a plain, bare, cold silver cell, his back to the wall. There was no window, nothing but a dim light above him to divert attention from the sea of gray. He wondered if this was the same cell that Kathryn's duplicate had occupied. He wondered if she had sat where he was sitting, or whether she had sat opposite the door. He tried not to let anxiety consume him. He was innocent and was confident that Kathryn would be doing all that she could to prove that. She would know it was Seska's doing. Of that he was sure.

* * *

"It's impossible," Seven said as Kathryn asked her about using the slipstream technology they had stored away to get to the planet by transwarp.

"The technology almost resulted in our destruction two year ago, and would most likely result in our destruction now. No one has found a way to improve the technology since."

"Two years ago we were attempting to cut across the galaxy. Now we only need to travel 65 light years."

"Which would be too small a distance anyway for us to attempt. Even if our attempt did not result in our destruction, it would most likely result in us ending up at least a thousand light years away."

Kathryn wiped her brow. "Then I'm just going to have to go down to the planet and see what I can do from there." She turned to Harry who was standing at his station. "Mr Kim, open a channel to Koballor."

Harry did what he was told and moments later Yoran's face appeared on the main viewscreen.

"I told you, Captain," he said crossly. "I would communicate with you if there was any news."

Kathryn walked up to the screen, clenching her fists so tight that her knuckles were white.

"Not good enough," she cried. "I'm not going to wait around up here while you condemn my husband for a crime he didn't do. I want direct participation in this case. In your law the accused may have no right of defense, but in our law, that is mandatory. I will be that defense."

"Your law has no influence here, Captain. Your husband has committed a crime in our territory and is thus subjected to our law and our law alone."

"That is unacceptable..."

"To us, most acceptable. I'm sorry, Captain. Besides, I am told the committee has just this moment reached a verdict. The conclusion is guilty as charged. Your husband will now be executed."

Fear gripped Kathryn. "I demand an appeal! He is innocent!"

"Not according to our law. The best I can offer is attendance at his execution."

"I will not accept this," Kathryn cried. "You have no right to condemn a man without defense or right of appeal!" She stepped closer to the screen, a thought suddenly occurring to her. "You approached us wanting to help us after you wrongfully accused us of stealing the zophyre. Not only did you committee a heinous violation by duplicating me without my knowing, you subjected my duplicate to horrific torture. Let her death and suffering stand in place of Chakotay's."

"Unacceptable, Captain. She was a duplicate. Irrelevant."

"She was a thinking, feeling, sentient being..."

"A decision has been made, Captain. Now, either let us transport you to the surface so you can witness your husband's death, or proceed with your journey. Our offer of assistance no longer stands."

"I must demand that..."

"Transportation or not, Captain. I won't ask again."

Kathryn swallowed. "Transportation," she said quietly.

"Very well, stand by."

* * *

Footsteps sounded in the corridor outside and stopped before his door. Chakotay got to his feet and seconds later the door opened. Five guards entered, accompanied by a large man Chakotay did not recognize.

"You have been found guilty of the charges against you," the man said, his tone contemptuous. "You will now be put to death. We come to escort you to the place of execution."

Chakotay inhaled sharply. "But I have not yet had a trial..."

"It has just transpired. You were found guilty."

"But this is preposterous! I demand to be heard!"

Two guards seized him and tied his hands behind his back with a black rope.

"We do not listen to the words of criminals," the man continued. "Be silent."

"But I'm innocent..."

"I said be silent! That is unless you wish us to rip out your tongue!"

Chakotay fell silent at that.

"Now," the man went on. "You will be taken to Death Circle and there your head will be publicly severed from your body."

Chakotay gasped in fear. "Please I..."

"Did you not understand me?" He turned to his left. "Vorlan..."

A tall muscular guard stepped forward and pulled a sharp knife from his coat.

"Alright," Chakotay said fearfully. "Not another word."

"I'm glad we understand each other," the man said, putting up his hand to stop the guard. "Let us proceed."

* * *

Kathryn materialized in what appeared to be a large crowded amphitheater. She was directly above the stage and her heart and stomach somersaulted at what she saw on the circular stage below her. There, shining in the early evening sun, was a guillotine.

There was a man and a woman beside her and she turned to them, not giving up yet.

"I demand to speak to Yoran! My husband is innocent!"

"I'm afraid it would do no good," the woman replied. "Your husband has been found guilty of a serious crime. Nothing can save him now."

"But he is innocent."

"They all say that, Captain. I've yet to meet a criminal who confesses to his crime."

"At least let me see my husband," Kathryn continued. "Please..."

"I'm afraid our law does not permit that."

"But that is... "

Suddenly the sound of drums filled the air and Kathryn turned again to the stage. Pain sliced through her heart when she saw Chakotay being escorted, hands tied, onto the stage by five guards. He was still dressed in his Starfleet uniform, even his commbadge still intact.

"No," she yelled, her voice carrying across the auditorium. "You can't do this ... ."

No one on the stage took the slightest notice of her, not even Chakotay.

"They can't hear you," the woman beside her commented. "They can't see you either."

Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes. "But you can't, he's innocent..."

The drums quieted into a soft beat as Chakotay was taken towards the guillotine. The two guards holding him pushed him to the ground and he fell heavily, fell clumsily. Kathryn's watched in horror, her whole being screaming in torment. Chakotay was going to die and there was nothing she could do about it.

Chakotay gasped in pain as one of the guards yanked his head forward and secured it within the guillotine. The bottom of the stock was rough and cut his throat. He closed his eyes and tried to push away all the thoughts that made him focus on wanting to live and tried to focus on making peace with his death. But he couldn't. All he could think about was Kathryn and how he didn't want to leave her. She would never forgive herself for this, would blame herself always for not listening to him and ignoring Yoran's offer. He didn't want that. He didn't want to leave her this way, didn't want to saddle her with such a guilt ...

Kathryn watched as the guard secured Chakotay's head in the guillotine and she could hardly breathe. All was a mist ... a blur. A guard pulled at the string connecting to the killer blade and all she could do was scream...

But the blade didn't move. Instead, two men came onto the stage. They spoke with the guards and moments later they released Chakotay from the guillotine. Kathryn turned to the woman beside her. "What's happening?"

"I don't know," the woman replied. "This is most irregular."

As she spoke, Yoran approached them. "Corvalen has confessed she lied, Captain." He spoke plainly, without apology. "The injuries she received were inflicted by her lover who believed she had been unfaithful to him with your husband. She confesses to having knowledge of her previous life and that she accused Chakotay of assaulting her to be revenged upon him for past wrongs. We have therefore cleared your husband of all charges. He is free to return to your ship."

Kathryn wiped away a stray tear, the relief overwhelming. "What will happen to Seska ... Corvalen?"

"She will have all memories of her past life erased. No other action will be taken. In our law a person is not responsible for any criminal action resulting from the existence of memories from their past life. Her lover will be incarcerated."

From the corner of her eye, Kathryn saw Chakotay approach with two guards. She turned to him and as soon as he was close enough, wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tight, not caring who saw or what they thought. He responded and they held each other tight.

"We will transport you back to your ship," Yoran said as they drew away, "follow me."

"Wait," Kathryn replied. "Now that this matter has been cleared up and Chakotay's innocence proved, what of your offer of assistance?"

"Our law says that we are not to share our technology or assist strangers. It is best if we adhere to that."

"But..."

"I'm sorry, Captain, but that is our final decision. Now, follow me."

"At least then let me see Seska ... I mean Corvalen."

"For what purpose?"

"She was once a member of my crew."

Yoran hesitated. "Very well. But only for a moment." He turned to the woman beside her. "Borlia, escort Captain Janeway to Corvalen's cell. Chakotay, you follow me."

* * *

Borlia led Kathryn through a series of narrow silver corridors until they reached Seska's cell. The woman keyed open the door and gestured for Kathryn to go inside. She followed her in, but did not close the door. Kathryn's astute eye immediately took in the stark silver windowless surrounding before resting on Seska. She was standing before her, dressed in a robe of white. Her appearance may have changed, but her eyes, her eyes were just the same.

"Captain Janeway," she said disdainfully. "I suppose you've come to gloat."

"No," Kathryn said calmly. "I've come to thank you."

Seska laughed. "Thank me? Is this some kind of a joke? Why would you want to thank me?"

"For telling the truth. It took a lot of courage."

"Well," Seska said, turning away from her slightly. "I didn't do it for you, I did it for Chakotay."

"I know that. And I'm grateful. If you hadn't told the truth, they would have killed him."

Seska turned to her again. "Yes, they would have. And from all accounts, my confession came just in time." She laughed, a cold, hard, laugh. Then it faded into something akin to sadness. "But I never thought they would kill him. I wanted to make him suffer, that's all."

Kathryn looked deep into her eyes and for the first time saw sincerity there. Whatever Seska was, or had been, she had genuinely cared for Chakotay.

"Well," Kathryn said quietly, "that's all I came to say." She turned to leave but then turned back to her old crew member. "And, for what it's worth, I hope that once your memories are erased you find happiness in your new life."

Seska's eyes hardened now. "Oh I'll be happy," she replied. "Don't you worry about me. But you, Captain? Will you be happy? You'll never be enough for him, you know. One of these days he'll tire of you and move on to pastures new."

Kathryn held her cold gaze and was a moment in answering. "History doesn't always repeat itself, Seska. It depends on the players."

With that, she left the room.

* * *

Stars flew by at warp speed and Kathryn watched them contentedly for a moment as she sat up in bed, her body turned towards the window. Her hair caressed her shoulders and the blue night-dress she wore shimmered in the starlight. It had been disappointing not to have the Kobali's assistance, but Chakotay was safe and that was all that mattered. Chakotay climbed on the bed now, dressed only in black boxer shorts, and wrapped his arms around her. Kathryn entwined her arms with his and then sank back against him. Petal, who had been sleeping soundly at the foot of the bed, raised a lazy eye and then went back to sleep.

"You know," Kathryn said softly. "I've been wondering. If it's true that we have a soul, as you believe, what happens to the souls of those people taken by the Kobali and revived?"

"I've been wondering that too," Chakotay replied. "But the way I've come to see it is that it wasn't really Seska on that planet or Lindsay Ballard who returned to us. It was just an echo of them. When Seska and Lindsay died I believe their spirit was released into another plane of existence and that they're still there. But when their bodies were taken by the Kobali and used to create a new life, many of their memory ingrams remained intact which gave this new life memories of another existence."

"It would make sense," Kathryn replied.

"And speaking of new life's," he smiled. "How are you and junior doing?"

Kathryn smiled. "Considering the afternoon we've had, just fine."

Chakotay moved his hand to her stomach. "Can you feel anything yet?"

Kathryn laughed. "Junior's not even the size of my little finger yet, Chakotay."

"But she's there, Kathryn. It's so amazing."

Kathryn drew away from him, an amused twinkle in her eye. "She?"

"Something tells me we're having a girl."

Kathryn curled her lip in amusement. "Something tells me we're having a boy!"

They laughed softly.

"Perhaps a medical tricorder will tell us," Chakotay said at last.

"I doubt it," Kathryn replied. "Or at least not so that we would understand the data. I think only doctors do so that expectant mothers aren't accidentally told the gender by friends or family if they don't want to know." She climbed off the bed. "But it should show us Junior's lifesign."

Chakotay got off the bed too. "I'll go and replicate one. You stay here."

He left the room and Kathryn climbed back on to the bed. He returned minutes later waving a medical tricorder in his hand. There was so much happiness, so much anticipation, on his face, that it touched Kathryn's heart. He climbed on the bed beside her and they both turned their attention to the tricorder as he placed it above her stomach. Data appeared and then it recorded the lifesigns in the room.

There were five.

Kathryn drew slightly away from Chakotay. "That can't be right."

Chakotay fiddled with the tricorder and analyzed the data further. "Definitely five. Yours, mine, Petal's, and two inside you." He looked up at Kathryn and the astonished look on her face was priceless. He couldn't help smile.

"Must be..."

Kathryn put her fingers to his lips. "Don't even think it, mister." She then reached for her commbadge which lay on the windowsill above her bed. "Janeway to the Doctor. My quarters, now!"

She then terminated the connection without waiting for a response and climbed off the bed. She reached for her robe and quickly put it on her. She turned to Chakotay and looked up and down his almost naked body. "I suggest you do the same."

"There's nothing he hasn't seen before, my love," he said, trying hard not to laugh.

She fixed on him her death glare and he put up his hands. "Alright, I'm putting on my robe."

He reached for his own robe and put it on while Kathryn made her way into the living room. Petal watched her leave, half minded to follow her, but then thought the better of it. She tucked herself up again and tried to go back to sleep.

"The Doctor better have one hell of a good explanation for this," Kathryn cried. "One hell of a good explanation!"

Chakotay followed her into the living room and watched as she paced nervously, angrily. He went over to her.

"Come on, sit down."

"I'm fine standing, Chakotay. Just fine!" The door chime sounded and Kathryn angrily responded. "Come in."

The Doctor entered, medical case in hand. "What is the emergency, Captain?"

Kathryn fired her words at him. "Chakotay and I tried to look at the baby's lifesign."

The Doctor's eyes fell guiltily to the floor. "Ah..."

"Never mind 'ah' " Kathryn cried, "I want to know why there are two lifesigns inside me!"

The Doctor looked up at her again. "I would have thought that was obvious, Captain. You're having twins."

Kathryn's jaw fell open and Chakotay just couldn't hold back the laughter anymore. Kathryn turned to him, her face pale.

"Well, I'm glad you find this amusing, Chakotay."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I can't help it. If someone has to do things twice aswell as everyone else, it would be you." He went over to her and lay a kind hand on her shoulder. She was on the verge of tears and even through the thick robe he could feel she was trembling. "It's alright," he said gently. "It will be alright."

"Two babies," she whispered. "Looking after one would be hard enough ... but two ... We can't, Chakotay ... We can't."

"Yes we can," he said, caressing her arm softly. "Of course we can." He took her hands in his. "Only this afternoon I thought I was going to die and now I find out that we're going to have another child. Another life instead of a death. Isn't that worth celebrating?"

Kathryn looked up at him and her fear ebbed away as she looked into his eyes. There was so much love there, so much faith. She saw again the killer blade of the guillotine and how close it came to severing his head. He was alive and they were going to have two children. Nothing could be more wonderful. She squeezed his hand tight and nodded. They looked deep into each others eyes for a moment and then Kathryn turned back to the Doctor.

"Now I know why you told me to read that book on multiple births," she said with a smile.

"I wanted to introduce you to the idea slowly," he said kindly. "I knew you would need time just to get used to the idea that you were pregnant. The news that you were having twins could wait."

She gestured for the Doctor to sit and then let go of Chakotay's hands and sat on the couch opposite him. Chakotay sat beside her and Kathryn took his hand again.

"Are they identical twins, Doctor?"

"No, Captain," he replied. "The drugs you were given on Quarren stimulated both ovaries to release an egg and both were fertilized."

"I see," she answered. "Can you tell if they are the same gender?"

"Yes," he smiled, "I know their gender."

Kathryn turned to Chakotay. "I would like to know, Chakotay. Would you?"

He nodded with a smile.

She turned back to the Doctor. "Well, Doctor?"

He smiled warmly. "You're having a boy and a girl."

A boy and a girl. A son and a daughter. Kathryn turned again to Chakotay and smiled.

"One of each," she said softly. "Seems we were both right."

He nodded. "We certainly were."

The Doctor got to his feet, feeling rather in the way. "Well, I ... I'd better return to sickbay and leave you both alone with this news."

Chakotay broke away from Kathryn and stood up. "Thank you for coming so promptly, Doctor."

"As I recall, I didn't have much choice," he replied. Then he smiled. "Goodnight, Commander, Captain."

"Goodnight, Doctor," they replied, almost in unison.

The Doctor left and once the doors had shut behind him, Chakotay opened his arms to Kathryn. She raised herself into them and they held each other tight.

"I'm so happy, Kathryn," he whispered, "so happy."

Kathryn drew slightly away from him. "So am I." She then drew away from him completely and took his hand. "Come on, let's go back to bed and snuggle up with the tricorder so we can see their life signs again."

Chakotay smiled and gladly followed. "Sounds good to me."

**END OF CHAPTER TWELVE**


	14. Lifeform

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

**LIFEFORM**

Chakotay lay in a warm soapy bath and let the water soothe his tired body. It had been a long day. He had been on an away mission to a nearby planet to gather some much needed energy resources and he had walked over difficult terrain.

"Mind if I join you?"

Chakotay opened his eyes at the sound of his wife's voice. Kathryn was standing beside the bath dressed in a white robe.

"Not sure there's room for the four of us," he teased.

Kathryn smiled, took off her robe, and climbed in opposite him.

"The crew were so happy to receive letters from home today," Kathryn said, closing her eyes and letting her body relax in the warmth of the water, "and were glad to be able to send theirs. It's been so long."

"It certainly has," Chakotay replied.

"I was worried that we'd lost permanent contact with home, seeing as we weren't able to establish contact last month, even though we were back on course." She paused. "I can't say I'm not concerned about what Starfleet Command will say about our relationship, but hopefully they will understand, given our circumstances."

Chakotay hesitated with his next words. "Did you tell them you're pregnant?"

Kathryn opened her eyes and looked into his. "No," she replied quietly. "No one knows except you, me, and the Doctor. I thought it best to take things one step at a time."

"Agreed." He paused. "But I think we should tell the crew. I would hate for them to find out any way other than directly from us."

Kathryn nodded. "So would I." She paused. "Neelix is holding a Talent Night on Friday. That would be the perfect opportunity to tell them."

Chakotay had to smile. "I take it you won't be performing the dying swan this time."

Kathryn laughed. "Not for a long while yet, I'm sure." She let herself relax into the water once more. "As it happens, my sister was telling me in her letter that my niece, Katy, is about to start ballet lessons. She's all excited about it and wants an outfit just like the one I used to wear. Phoebe's been showing her pictures of me as a ballerina." She looked at Chakotay again. "What news did you receive from home?"

Chakotay was a moment in answering. "My sister says that it's only a matter of time now before the Cardassians are driven out of our homeworld. Their regime is on the verge of collapse and the internal resistance is stronger than ever."

Kathryn smiled warmly. "That's wonderful news, Chakotay. Really wonderful."

He nodded, but his manner was not one she would have expected from a man informed of the impending liberty of his people from oppression.

"But you don't seem as happy about it as I would have thought."

"I am," he replied. "I couldn't hope for better news." He paused sadly. " I just... I just can't help wishing that the rest of my family were alive to celebrate it."

Kathryn's gently lay her hand on his leg and caressed him softly as a small gesture of comfort.

* * *

Talent Night was proving the success it always had been in the past and so far the highlight of the evening had been Tom's ten minute comedy sketch.

Chakotay had briefly left his seat to get a drink for himself and Kathryn, and when he returned, found Neelix trying to persuade her to perform the dying swan.

"Not tonight," Kathryn said. "I..."

"But you're so good, Captain," Neelix interrupted. "And it's been so long since you danced for us..."

"And it will be a while again..."

"Oh please, Captain. Just a short dance..."

Chakotay handed his wife a glass of apple juice and then took a sip of his own. "You heard the Captain, Neelix. No dying swan this time." He put his drink on the floor, close to the base of his seat. "But I can offer you a croaking toad if you're interested."

Kathryn almost choked on her drink at those words and looked up at her husband in surprise. "Are you meaning what I think you are?"

Chakotay had to smile at the look on her face. "About time I participated."

"But you hate to perform before people..."

"There's always a first time for everything."

All Neelix's attention was on Chakotay now. For years he had been trying to persuade him to perform. "I knew you would want to take part eventually," he said, rubbing his hands together gleefully. "What are you going to do for us, Commander? A poem? A magic act?"

Kathryn smiled as she remembered that day long ago when she had told Chakotay he could entertain the crew by phasering an apple she balanced on her head.

"I'm going to sing," he smiled.

Sing? Chakotay sing? She had never so much as heard him sing in the shower! Even Neelix seemed surprised.

"I didn't know you could sing, Commander," he said.

"Well, perhaps I can't," Chakotay teased. "But I'll give it my best."

Neelix punched Chakotay's arm in an encouraging gesture. "That's the spirit, Commander."

"But I will need a guitar," Chakotay continued. "And an amp for it."

"Leave it to me, Commander," Neelix said happily, and before Chakotay could say another word, Neelix had disappeared.

Kathryn still couldn't quite believe Chakotay was going ahead with this. And since when had he played the guitar? He didn't even seem to like music that much.

She took another sip of her drink, but before she could question him, Naomi approached them.

"Are you going to dance for us tonight, Captain?"

Kathryn laughed. "Did Neelix put you up to this?"

Naomi shook her head. "I've just heard that you dance good. Are you going to dance?"

Kathryn put her hand to Naomi's cheek. "Not tonight, Miss Wildman. But you and Icheb danced well together earlier."

"We've been practicing a lot, Captain," Naomi replied. "Ever since Neelix told us of the show."

"And it certainly paid off."

Naomi was just about to speak when Neelix began to address the audience. "Ladies and Gentleman," he began, "I am very pleased to announce that our very own First Officer is going to sing a song for us. Please give a warm welcome to Commander Chakotay!"

Chakotay knew that was his cue to go on stage and he made his way without looking at all the people around him. Showmanship just wasn't in his nature and he always felt rather conspicuous on stage. But he was amongst comrades and friends and whatever discomfort he felt left him as soon as he was on the stage. Neelix handed him a beautiful brown guitar and fixed a microphone to his shirt.

"All set, Commander."

Chakotay thanked him and turned to the audience as Neelix left the stage.

"Before I begin," he said, "there's something important that the Captain and I would like to tell you." He paused, trying to choose his words carefully. "Many things have happened to us all over the years, and many times we have done things under mind control that we wouldn't do in our rightful minds. We all lived a different existence on Quarren and were not at all aware of our duties and responsibilities on this ship. We didn't even know this ship existed. We were all workers at the plant and we all lived different personal lives. But our old existence had not been completely erased and that's why so many of us were drawn to each other in friendships or in relationships, and why the Captain and I became lovers." He paused. "Having children was not something the Captain and I ever considered while we were Captain and First Officer of this ship, but as a result of our time on Quarren, we've found out that we're going to be parents."

There was a moment of silence as the crew absorbed this news, and Kathryn held her breath, unsure what their reaction would be. But once again the crew surprised her in the best possible way as they got to their feet and applauded. Kathryn got to her feet as they did so and B'Elanna, who had been sitting next to her, turned to her. "Congratulations, Captain," she said warmly, and then drew her captain and friend close.

Kathryn returned her embrace and then broke away from her to join Chakotay on the stage. The crew cheered louder as she did so.

"Thank you," Kathryn said. "Thank you all." She paused. "It was, of course, a surprise at first, and an even greater one when we found out that we're having twins ... ."

The crew cheered again at this and there was more applause.

"Boys or girls? "Tom cried from the audience.

"One of each," Kathryn smiled. "They're not identical." She paused. "It was a shock to us, but now we're both delighted." She then fell serious. "I know it won't be easy to be a mother and a captain, but I want you all to know that my commitment to getting this ship home is absolute, and that will never change."

Neelix, who had been standing at the side of the stage, approached her.

"I know no one in this room doubts that, Captain. Congratulations."

Kathryn smiled. "Thank you, Neelix."

He put a kind hand on her arm and then turned again to the audience. "I'm sure you're all eager to congratulate the Captain, but first I think we should hear Commander Chakotay sing!"

The crowd again cheered at this.

"So, once again I present our very own First Officer, Commander Chakotay."

Kathryn left the stage with Neelix and took to her seat again as Chakotay sat on a stool that had been provided for him. Kathryn was surprised at how comfortable he looked with a guitar in his arms and watched curiously as he strummed and tuned the instrument. At last he was ready and addressed the audience.

"I'd like to dedicate this song to my wife," he said.

He began to play the guitar, his fingers working skillfully, and then began to sing. Kathryn listened and was deeply moved at both the beauty of his voice and the song.

_So suddenly, so strange_  
_Life wakes you up, things change_  
_I've done my best, I've served my call_  
_I gave to you my all_

_So suddenly, so strong_  
_My prejudice was gone_  
_You needed me, I found my place_  
_I'm different now, these days_

_Now the greatest reward_  
_Is the light in your eyes_  
_The sound of your voice_  
_And the touch of your hand_  
_You make me who I am_

_You trusted me to grow_  
_I gave my heart to show_  
_There's nothing else I cherish more_  
_I'll stand by you for sure_

_Now the greatest reward_  
_Is the love that I can give_  
_I'm here for you now_  
_For as long as I live_  
_You make me who I am_

_So suddenly, it's clear to me_  
_Things change_  
_Our future lies in here and now_  
_We made it through somehow_

_Now the greatest reward_  
_Is the love that I can give_  
_I'm here for you now_  
_For as long as I live_  
_You make me who I am_  
_You make me who I am_

As Chakotay finished, the crew cheered, but all Kathryn was aware of was him and his eyes gazing in to hers. He smiled warmly and she smiled in return. This was a moment she would never forget.

* * *

Chakotay sat in bed, reading, while Kathryn took a quick shower. His left leg was aching a little and he stretched, trying to relieve the tension. As he did so, Kathryn emerged from the bathroom, dressed in a white robe. Petal, who was sleeping in her doggie bed in the corner of the room, looked up as she entered and wagged her tail briefly. Then she settled back to sleep.

"I had no idea you could sing or play the guitar," Kathryn said, making her way over to the bed. "Why haven't you ever told me?"

Chakotay put the book down on his bedside cabinet. "It just never came up."

Kathryn climbed onto the bed. "But you're so good."

He smiled a tired smile. "Thank you."

"I'm serious, Chakotay. And you have such a beautiful voice. Yet I've never heard you sing."

"It's not something I do much."

"Then you should." She smiled. "And you can learn me to play the guitar."

Chakotay turned away from her uncomfortably. "I don't think I could..."

"Of course you could. And I'd love to learn to play. I've always..."

"I can't," Chakotay said, raising his voice. "I'm sorry."

Kathryn fell silent, stunned at his outburst. Chakotay so seldomnly raised his voice.

He ran his hands though his hair, sorry for his sharpness. He turned to her again and Kathryn saw infinite pain in his eyes. "I just can't, Kathryn. I'm sorry."

He got up slowly and wandered over to the window. He stared out at the blackness of space, his shoulders hunched, a tortured figure. Kathryn got up to and went over to him. Pain knifed her heart when she saw a tear on his cheek. She reached out and put her hand on his shoulder.

"What is it?"

He made no answer. He couldn't. Instead he just wept. Kathryn stroked his arm, totally at a loss to understand, but wanting nothing more than to ease his pain. "Come here," she whispered, drawing him close. "Come here." Chakotay gathered her in his arms and Kathryn held him tight in return.

He wept a long time, but at last his sobs ebbed and he drew away.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"No," Kathryn answered. "Don't be sorry. Just tell me what's wrong."

He turned away from her and looked out of the window again. "The reason you've never seen me play the guitar before is because I couldn't. I would try, but I just couldn't. Every time I did, I kept thinking about how it used to be, how we would all sit and sing together around the fire. And I would think of her ... Rennay."

"Your youngest sister?"

Chakotay nodded. "My grandfather taught me to play the guitar and I taught Rennay. And she played so well, sang so well. Her voice was beautiful, so clear and pure." A tear ran down his cheek. "We all used to love listening to her sing, no matter what song it was. And she loved it when I sang with her. She idolized me. I was so much older than her, you see, and had more patience with her than anyone else. She would follow me everywhere, even when I didn't want her too, and if she had a bad dream or hurt herself, it was me she would come too. I would often wake up and find her lying in the bed beside me." Anger once more began to surface and he clenched his fists. "I should have been there when the Cardassians attacked. I promised her that no matter where I was, I would always be there if she needed me. I promised I would never let anyone hurt her." Tears choked his voice. "But I wasn't there. When they beat her and raped her and then took her life, I wasn't there."

He wept softly again and all Kathryn could do was draw him close again.

"I'm so sorry, Chakotay," she whispered. "I'm so sorry. But you can't blame yourself. There's nothing you could have done. They would have killed you too. She wouldn't have wanted that."

"I know," he replied, drawing slightly away from her. "But when I think what they did to her ... I wish I had been there ... I wish I could have done something, even if it was only to take her life myself and spare her the pain ... That's no way for anyone to die ... Such pain ... such fear ... ."

"You don't know for sure she suffered so much," Kathryn said gently.

"I do," he whispered. "Caliv, a neighbor and survivor, told me. He witnessed all they did to her." He drew away from Kathryn, anger again boiling. "And when I think of it..." He leant his arms against the wall, trying to compose himself. "When I think what they did to you ... I'm so angry, Kathryn. I'm so damned angry..."

"And you have every right to be," Kathryn replied. "I was angry for a long time too. But it does no good, Chakotay. You once told me that no one is dead as long as we remember them. And what we should remember is not the way they died, but the person they were when they were alive, the love we shared with them and the laughter. And for you, the music. Otherwise, their only legacy is pain and grief. She would want you to sing, would want you to play the guitar. And the best way to honor her memory is to enjoy doing both."

He nodded. "And I did enjoy it. For the first time in years I enjoyed it. I just ... afterwards ... the memories ... and with the memories, guilt."

"I understand. But you have nothing to feel guilty about, darling. There's nothing you could have done. And she would be glad that you weren't there. She would be glad that you're still alive." She paused. "As you know, I blamed myself for years for what happened to my father and fiancé. But it wasn't my fault. It was an accident. And neither was it your fault that you weren't there when the Cardassians attacked." She moved her hand to his hair and ran her fingers through it. "You did nothing wrong in leaving the tribe and joining Starfleet. We all have to find our own way in the world and follow our dreams, where ever they may take us. Your father should have encouraged you, not saddled you with all the guilt that he did." She paused again. "You can't blame yourself, Chakotay, for things that were out of your hands."

"I know," he whispered. "I just ... sometimes I've wondered..." He stopped, couldn't say it.

"What, Chakotay?"

"Why my older-self came back to Voyager and didn't go back in time and save them, save her." He paused. "Because in his future none of this had happened between us. We weren't married, weren't going to be parents. He could have stopped all the terrible things happening to my family and stopped Voyager getting stranded. Because if I hadn't joined the Maquis, you wouldn't have been going to the Badlands in search of us. It would kill me to lose you now, Kathryn, but if all this hadn't happened..."

Kathryn stroked his arm. "He had knowledge we can never have, Chakotay. We can't second guess his decisions. He could only travel back in time once, and that once had to be to a time where he could make a difference. Perhaps there was nothing he could have done to save your family, nothing that was guaranteed to work, or perhaps it would contaminate the timeline too much. But he could make a difference to us. We can't know, Chakotay. And we can't guess." She took his hand in hers. "All I know is that I'm so very grateful to him."

Chakotay squeezed her hand and then touched her face with his other hand. "So am I." He paused. "And let's talk no more of the past. It's haunted us both long enough."

Kathryn nodded. "It certainly has. But I want you to talk to me, Chakotay, no matter what it's about. I don't want you to feel that you can't, because of what happened to me or for any other reason. Understand?"

He nodded. "So long as you do me the same honor."

Kathryn squeezed his hand. "Deal." Then she smiled and tugged at his hand. "Come on, let's go back to bed. I've got something to show you."

Chakotay followed her back into bed and Kathryn reached into the bedside cabinet beside her. She pulled out a white envelope and smiled at her husband, her eyes sparkling with joy.

"Pictures of our babies," she said proudly. "The Doctor took them this morning during my exam. He wanted to see that both babies are developing properly, given my age."

Chakotay usually accompanied her to her weekly exam, but ship business had unfortunately prevented him this time. And the day had been so busy, that this was the first moment she had to show him the pictures. Kathryn opened the envelope and handed Chakotay a photograph edged in blue. Chakotay looked at the picture and a million emotions stirred in his heart. There, before his eyes, was the image of a tiny human being. It was only eight weeks old, and yet already seemed perfectly formed with a beautiful little face, button eyes, tiny hands, and little feet.

"Our son," Kathryn whispered.

She then passed him the second picture, edged in pink.

"Our daughter."

Chakotay looked at this picture too and saw the same tiny perfection.

"Oh Kathryn," he whispered.

Kathryn nestled her head against his shoulder as she too looked at the pictures. "It was incredible," she said. "I wish you could have been there, Chakotay. The Doctor inserted a camera into my womb and I saw them on screen." She smiled at the memory. "They were so beautiful. Even though they're so small and would fit into the palm of my hand like Tom Thumb and Thumbelina, they moved their legs and spread their tiny little arms as though they were dancing."

"They are amazing," Chakotay said quietly, totally in awe, "absolutely amazing."

Kathryn nestled closer. "I'd like us to name them," she said softly. "They should have a name."

Chakotay nodded. "I'd like us to name them too." He kissed her hair. "What names do you like?"

"For a girl," Kathryn said hesitantly, unsure if he would like the name, " I've always liked Silvia. I've always thought it's such a pretty name. It reminds me of silvery stars and moonlight."

Chakotay smiled. "Silvia. I like it."

Kathryn drew slightly away from him. "You do?"

He nodded. "One of the things I most remember about Quarren is the beautiful silver moon. It's very appropriate considering that's where she was made."

Kathryn smiled and lost herself in his eyes a moment. Then she turned back to the pictures. "The only trouble," she continued, "is a boy's name to go with it. I think their names should complement each other, don't you?"

Chakotay nodded. Then he gave a suggestion. "What about Silvesta?"

At that, Kathryn's eyes lit up and she turned to him again. "Oh yes, Chakotay, that would be perfect!"

Chakotay smiled, dimples showing in amusement. "Then I think we've decided." He had to laugh. "That has to be the quickest time in deciding on baby names ever. Tom and B'Elanna are still deciding."

"That's because they can't agree," Kathryn laughed.

"Perhaps middle names will take us longer," he teased.

"Or quicker," she replied. She then fell serious. "What about Rennay?"

Chakotay smiled softly, deeply touched. "I would like that."

"And I was thinking Kolopak for our son, after your father."

Chakotay brushed a loose strand of hair away from her face. "But what about your father?"

"Our son will already have the Janeway name," Kathryn answered. "I'd like him to have part of your history too."

Chakotay smiled again. "Then Kolopak it is."

They gazed into each others eyes and then Kathryn placed his hand on her stomach, holding it there with her own. "Silvia Rennay and Silvesta Kolopak Janeway," she whispered.

* * *

Distant noise disturbed Kathryn's sleep and she woke up. Coming to her senses, she realized that Chakotay wasn't beside her and Petal's bed was also empty. She sat up a little.

"Computer, what time is it?"

"The time is 05:57 hours"

It was too early for Chakotay to be getting up for his shift. Something had to be wrong. Chakotay was always such a good sleeper. Kathryn got out of bed and put on her robe as she walked into the living room. The lights were dim and she could hardly see, but she made out Chakotay's form lying on the couch and Petal's on the floor beside him. Chakotay was rubbing his left leg and clearly seemed to be in pain.

"I'm alright, Kathryn," he cried, his voice breathless. "You go back to bed."

"Like hell you are alright," she replied. "Computer, maximize lights."

The lights came on and Kathryn quickly made her way over to him. She gasped when she saw his leg. His shin was an ugly red and swollen to almost double size. Chakotay was panting, the pain unbearable. Kathryn knelt beside him, annoyed he hadn't woken her.

"You should have woken me, Chakotay..."

"I didn't want to disturb you," he replied. "I've called the Doctor. He should be here any moment."

Just as he spoke, the door chime sounded. Kathryn turned towards the door. "Come in."

The doors opened and the Doctor came in.

"Chakotay's leg seems to have some kind of infection," she said, getting to her feet as the Doctor made his way over to them. "It's red and swollen and he's in a lot of pain."

The Doctor knelt beside Chakotay and began to examine him.

"I've just attended to Ensign Harris and Crewman Frix in sickbay," the Doctor said as he worked. "They woke up with swollen limbs. I believe they've contracted an unknown virus, while they were on the away mission with the Commander a few days ago, possibly from an insect bite. I detected multiple foreign bodies within their bodies that were growing rapidly, but seemed to reach maturity as I was monitoring them. I've given them something for the pain and confined them to sickbay until I can find a cure. I was going to inform you later this morning, if you didn't contact me first." He paused. "I'm definitely detecting the same foreign body within the Commander's leg." He put a hypospray to his neck. "That should ease the pain, Commander." He got to his feet. "There's nothing more I can do here. We'll have to go to sickbay."

Chakotay tried to get up off the couch. "As you say, Doctor."

The Doctor helped him to his feet and Chakotay leant against him.

"I'll come with you," Kathryn said.

Chakotay turned to her. "No, Kathryn. You get some rest. I'll be alright."

"I insist, Chakotay." Before he could argue further, Kathryn contacted transporter room one. "Janeway to transporter room one. Transport Chakotay, the Doctor, and myself to sickbay."

Within seconds, they all appeared in sickbay. The Doctor helped Chakotay to a biobed while Kathryn looked around the room.

"I thought you had confined Harris and Frix to sickbay, Doctor," she said.

"I did," he replied.

"Well, they're not here now."

The Doctor looked around and then frowned in frustration. "They must have returned to their quarters. I gave them strict instructions not to leave sickbay without my authority. They need to be closely monitored." He sighed. "I'll have to recall our delinquents."

He finished helping Chakotay onto the bed and hit his commbadge. "Doctor to Greg Harris and Crewman Frix."

There was no response.

"Doctor to Greg Harris and Crewman Frix."

There was still no response.

"Computer, locate Greg Harris and Crewman Frix."

The Computer voice responded.

"Greg Harris and Crewman Frix are not onboard."

Kathryn swallowed. "What's going on?"

"I don't..." The Doctor stopped in mid sentence as he saw hundreds of silver beetle like insects clinging motionlessly to the metal base of the biobed next to the one Chakotay was lying on. He gestured to them with his hand. "Captain..."

Kathryn followed his hand and saw the mass of insects. Chakotay did too. The Doctor saw that there were more on the biobed that Frix had been on.

"They're on the next biobed too."

Kathryn turned to the Doctor, hardly daring to think what she was thinking, let alone believe it. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"If you're thinking what I believe you are," he said. "Computer, erect a forcefield around sickbay and another forcefield around the Captain and Commander Chakotay."

The forcefields were erected and the Doctor approached the biobed. He studied the shimmering insects closely and saw that many of them seemed to be laying eggs. Before he could seize one of the creatures for dissection, he would have to erect another forcefield. Disruption might cause them to scatter wild in sickbay.

"Computer," he said again. "Erect another forcefield around myself and biobeds 2 and 3."

"Forcefield erected."

The Doctor then seized one creature and was relieved to see its removal did not disturb the others. He then took another creature from the other bed.

"Computer," he said. "Remove forcefield around myself and biobeds 2 and 3 for 5 seconds. Then remove the forcefield surrounding the captain and Commander Chakotay"

The forcefield was removed and the Doctor escaped it just before it was re-erected. Then the computer removed the forcefield surrounding Kathryn and Chakotay.

The Doctor took the creatures over to a work bench and analyzed them. Kathryn and Chakotay watched silently, both trying to absorb and make sense of what was happening.

At last the Doctor was done. He turned slowly towards his Captain and First Officer and, from the look on his face, his findings had confirmed their fears.

"As we thought, Captain," he began. "They contain traces of the remains of Greg Harris and Frix."

Kathryn swallowed and it was a long moment before she could speak. "But how ... where did they come from?"

The Doctor made his way over to Chakotay and began examining him quickly, talking as he did. "I believe they came from inside Harris and Frix, Captain."

Chakotay questioned next. "A macrovirus?"

"It seems to be a hermaphroditic lifeform that can be transported by insects at microscopic size, and then grow to macroscopic proportions within the body, and grow again as it devours it's host."

Kathryn bit her lip, her fear rising. "What can you do?"

"I'm not sure Captain," he replied, "but the Commander doesn't seem to have as many creatures in him as Harris and Frix evidently did. That's in his favor."

"I didn't receive as many bites," Chakotay answered. "I kept my jacket on."

"There's got to be something you can do, Doctor," Kathryn continued.

"Killing these creatures outside the body will be easy, but it might take me hours to find a way of killing them inside without damaging healthy cells. And we don't have hours, not if they devoured Harris and Frix so quickly."

"But there must be something that will kill them..."

"I can't risk..." He stopped, analyzing some data. "Wait a minute. The leg the creatures are gathering in is the one with the steel rod I placed in the Commander's tibia when I was reconstructing his legs following the accident." He scoured more data. "Indeed, they seem to be using it as a base to lay eggs, just like they are doing on the biobeds. They must be attracted to metal. And if that is so, all the creatures will flock there." He bit his holographic lip and looked up at Chakotay. "Amputating your lower leg as soon as all creatures have attached to the rod is the only way I can guarantee saving your life."

"I see," Chakotay whispered, the lowering of his eyes being his only display of concern.

"The only conclusion I can draw is that they are attracted to metal like magnet and when they found no metal in the bodies of Harris and Frix, they devoured them in the attempt of escaping their body. Or perhaps the magnetic properties of metal is somehow necessary to nurture their young. I have no way of knowing what their next move will be after they have finished laying their eggs. They may start devouring your body in order to escape it."

"I understand," Chakotay said quietly. "Do what you have to do."

"And I may be able to save your leg once it's removed, but even if I can't, I'll be able to provide you with an artificial limb that will look and feel like your own."

Chakotay nodded and cast a glance at Kathryn. She was visibly trembling and white as a sheet. Concern for her supplanted concern for himself. He reached for her hand. "You go and inform Tuvok what has happened."

"I don't want to leave you," she replied. "And what of the creatures? We need to dispose of them somehow..."

"I'll destroy them, Captain," the Doctor interrupted, "once I've operated on Chakotay. I doubt they will grow any larger, and even if they do, should be no threat within the forcefield."

Chakotay squeezed her hand. "Go, Kathryn. I'll be alright."

Kathryn really didn't want to leave him, but he was right. Tuvok needed to know. She squeezed his hand in return. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

"The operation may take some time," Chakotay replied. "You get something to eat. A drink at least."

Kathryn nodded, obliging him, but eating was the last thing she felt like doing.

"The last of the creatures has gathered in your leg," the Doctor interrupted. "I'm going to have to operate now. I don't know how long we have."

Kathryn squeezed Chakotay's hand again before drawing away from him. "I'll be here when you wake up."

Chakotay nodded and then the Doctor blocked her view of him as he put Chakotay to sleep.

* * *

As she was still in her nightclothes, Kathryn returned to her quarters via transportation, changed, and then summoned Tuvok. She told him what had happened and told him to inform the crew about the deaths of Greg Harris and Frix. When he had left, Kathryn replicated herself a cup of warm milk with honey and sat on her couch to drink it. Petal curled up at her feet and went to sleep.

Suddenly, Harry's voice sounded over the comm.

"Kim to Captain Janeway."

Kathryn rubbed her tired brow. "Janeway here."

"We are receiving a direct communication from Starfleet Command."

At this, Kathryn sat up straight, all attention. "Starfleet Command?"

"They have found a way of communicating with us briefly. Admiral Paris wishes to speak with you at once."

Kathryn got to her feet, disturbing Petal. "Put him through to my quarters. Janeway out."

At that, she went over to her desk and turned on the monitor. Instantly, Admiral Paris's face appeared. Happy tears welled in Kathryn's eyes. It had been so long since she had seen her friend and mentor.

"It's good to see you, Sir," she said emotively.

Admiral Paris shared the same emotion. "You too, Kathryn." He smiled warmly. "And to see you looking so well."

"You too." She paused. "How have you managed to communicate with us?"

"I have explained it all to Ensign Kim," he replied, "and don't have time to repeat it now. "I only have a few more minutes before this transmission collapses. But we hope to be able to establish a connection with you for several minutes every day."

Kathryn smiled. "That would be wonderful, Sir."

He nodded, and then shifted rather uncomfortably. "However, I'm sorry that my first communication with you isn't going to be a pleasant one." He bit his lip before continuing. "We received your letter about your marriage to Commander Chakotay and I'm afraid there has been a very negative reaction to it by many."

"I see," Kathryn said quietly. "I knew there would be some opposition. But I promise you that my relationship with Chakotay doesn't interfere with my capacity to captain this ship."

"It's not the fact that you are in a relationship that concerns people," he replied, "no one expected you to be alone, it's just the person you are in a relationship with. There are those who feel that because of your relationship with Chakotay, a former Maquis, you will delay getting the ship home to prevent him having to go to trial."

"But that's ridiculous," Kathryn cried. "I'm doing all that I can to get this crew home as soon as possible. Chakotay and I are both doing all that we can."

"I have no doubts on that score, and have done my best to convince those members of Starfleet Command who believe otherwise, but my words are falling on deaf ears. There have also been protests by family members who fear for the return of their loved ones." He paused. "I regret to inform you that Starfleet Command has decided that Tuvok should be Captain of Voyager instead."

"No," Kathryn replied, "I will not accept that."

"I'm afraid you are going to have to, especially if you wish to continue in Starfleet when you return. Being so far away they have no way of enforcing this without your co-operation, but I am told to tell you that if you do not resign as Captain in favor of Tuvok, you will no longer be welcome in Starfleet Command when you return."

"But that's unfair," Kathryn cried. "Let me speak to Starfleet Command...".

"I'm afraid there isn't time, not today."

"Then when?"

"We hope to establish contact with you the same time tomorrow. You can talk to them then. But I wouldn't hold my breath, Kathryn. The opposition is..."

The sound crackled and the picture broke up as the connection was lost. Then the screen went blank and all was silent. Kathryn buried her head in her hands. She didn't need this right now. She really didn't need this ...

"Doctor to Captain Janeway."

Kathryn withdrew her hands. "Go ahead, Doctor."

"The operation was a success. I'm just about to wake Chakotay."

Relief consumed Kathryn at that. "I'll be right there.

* * *

There was no sign of the creatures when Kathryn arrived at sickbay. The Doctor had clearly been able to dispose of them easily. Chakotay was lying unconscious on a biobed, propped up on pillows.

"He is clear of the lifeform, Captain," the Doctor said as they approached the bed. "But the Commander has just undergone a serious operation and will be weak and in some discomfort for a while."

Kathryn gazed at Chakotay lying on the bed and her heart fell heavy when she saw his left leg. Where the Doctor had severed just below the knee, was a white bandage. She then looked up at the Doctor.

"Were you able to save his leg?"

"I'm afraid not, Captain," he replied sadly. "I did what I could, but when I disturbed the creatures they began to devour his leg. Within seconds it was gone." He paused. "But as I said, I can create an artificial limb for him that will adapt to his body and look and feel apart of him. His movements won't be restricted in anyway."

Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes, but she managed to suppress them by remembering that he was so lucky to be alive, unlike poor Greg Harris and Frix.

"How soon can it be done?"

"Any time, but I want to wait until the Commander has recovered from this operation as it will entail another, much longer, one."

"When can he return to our quarters?"

"It would be best if he stayed here, Captain. He needs rest and so do you."

"I think he'll rest better in his own bed, and I'll rest better if he's with me."

The Doctor sighed. "As you wish, Captain." He moved to put a hypospray to Chakotay's neck and wake him, but Kathryn stopped him. "Let me, Doctor. And I'd like us to be alone."

The Doctor nodded and handed her the hypospray. "Very well, Captain."

Kathryn watched as he left and then sat in the chair next to Chakotay's bed. She put the hypospray to his neck and then took his hand in hers as he woke up.

"Welcome back," she whispered as his eyes settled on hers.

Chakotay squeezed her hand gently. "Did it work? Am I clear of the creatures?"

Kathryn nodded. "All clear." She then gently put her hand to his cheek and tried to be as kind as she could with the next words. "But the Doctor couldn't save your leg."

Chakotay's lip trembled and he closed his eyes. "I see."

"But as the Doctor said, he can create an artificial limb for you that will become a part of your body. You won't even know the difference."

Chakotay opened his eyes and gazed into hers. She saw so much pain there. When he spoke, his voice was barely a whisper.

"This won't ... change how you feel about me, will it?"

The question took Kathryn aback and she squeezed his hand, almost in protestation. "Never, Chakotay," she said firmly. "Never." Her voice then became gentle. "How can you even think it?"

Chakotay hesitated. "The same reason you did when you were Cardassian..."

At those words, Kathryn felt so ashamed, ashamed of her past foolishness. "Oh, Chakotay." She kissed his hand. "I'm so sorry. I was just so afraid I would lose you. I love you for you, but at the same time you're such an attractive man. One of the reasons I never told you how I felt was because I didn't know if you could really be interested in me. Not as more than a friend. I've always been insecure that way. And then when I looked Cardassian, it was just so much worse..."

Chakotay squeezed her hand. "Didn't I tell you one night long ago that you are beautiful?"

Kathryn nodded. "But I didn't know if you really meant it. We were alone there, afraid, and I was the only woman you were ever likely to be near again. And when we got back to the ship it was like nothing had happened. You never once told me again how you felt." She paused. "All my life people had said I was clever, or brave, but rarely beautiful."

Chakotay reached up and put his hand to her cheek. "You're beautiful in every possible way, Kathryn."

Kathryn gazed into his eyes and then took his hand in hers again. "And so are you, Chakotay. Nothing could change how I feel about you. Whatever we face, we face together."

As he nodded, a sadness filled her heart. He had no idea about what had happened with Admiral Paris and she just couldn't tell him. At least not now. And if she could persuade Starfleet Command that her relationship with him had not effected her ability to command the ship, he would never need to know. No one else knew, not even Tuvok. But he would have to know about the transmission. If she didn't tell him, someone else would. The news was all over the ship.

"And we've had some good news," she tried to smile. "Starfleet Command may have found a way of communicating with us for a few minutes each day."

"That is good news," he smiled.

She nodded. "We even received a transmission from Admiral Paris and I got to speak to him face to face."

"You did? That's incredible. How?"

"I'm not sure. He didn't have time to explain. But apparently he told Harry, so I'll speak to him later."

Chakotay squeezed her hand. "If we do manage to have daily contact, the crew will be able to speak to their families."

"Yes," Kathryn replied. "And it would be so good to see my mother and sister again. I've missed them so much."

Chakotay squeezed her hand again. He knew the truth of that. "It would be good to see my sister too," he said.

Chakotay noticed how pale Kathryn looked, how tired, and he was concerned that she hadn't eaten like he suggested. "I'm hungry," he said kindly. "What time is it?"

"I'm not sure," Kathryn replied. She had completely lost track of time. "Computer, what time is it?"

"The time is 09:41 hours".

"Near enough to breakfast for me," Chakotay smiled. "Join me?"

Kathryn hesitated, but then nodded. She wasn't really hungry, but she knew that she had to eat. "I'll just go and get the Doctor to examine you. Then we'll set you up in our quarters and I'll make us breakfast."

"Replicated I hope," Chakotay teased.

Kathryn had to smile. "Replicated, I promise."

With that she kissed his forehead and Chakotay watched as she went to fetch the Doctor.

**END OF CHAPTER THIRTEEN**


	15. Defiance

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

**DEFIANCE**

Kathryn looked at the six unfamiliar faces before her on the screen in Astrometrics. Starfleet Command had appointed Admirals she did not know to judge her case so that they would not be biased towards her one way or the other. The committee was also equally divided, three men and three women. A thin stern looking man with gray hair who had introduced himself as Admiral John Carter, spoke.

"I must insist that Commander Tuvok be present."

"There's no need," Kathryn began. "I can answer all..."

"I insist upon it."

Kathryn had to relent. "Very well, Sir." She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to Tuvok."

Tuvok's voice answered. "Go ahead, Captain."

"Transport to Astrometrics immediately. Starfleet Command demand your presence."

"Understood, Captain."

The link terminated and Kathryn once again addressed the Admiral. "I understand your concerns, but I promise you they're unwarranted. Regardless of my relationship with Chakotay, my commitment to this crew is absolute."

A dark haired middle aged woman sitting next to him, spoke. "We feel you have compromised your position irreparably, Captain. We cannot trust that you will do your best to bring your crew home while you are involved with a Maquis criminal."

"Chakotay is my First Officer," Kathryn replied. "You recognize him as my First Officer."

"In unofficial capacity," another Admiral replied. "Officially he is your prisoner. And as Captain, you should have respected that."

Tuvok suddenly materialized and Kathryn felt both relief at no longer being alone, and concern that he would now have to know.

"My presence is required," Tuvok stated, not knowing why that was so.

"Yes," Admiral Carter replied. "And we are disappointed that Captain Janeway did not arrange for you to be present."

"I was hoping we could clear this up without involving anyone one else," Kathryn replied.

"No, Captain," Admiral Carter answered. "You did not want anyone else to know..."

Tuvok sensed that all was not well. "What is occurring?"

"There has been much opposition to the Captain's relationship with Commander Chakotay. It's feared that because of it, the Captain will delay getting Voyager home. Therefore we have decided that you should be Captain instead."

Tuvok processed this information and then responded. "Such fears are unfounded. Captain Janeway's commitment to this crew is absolute. I will not replace her as Captain. The Captain's abilities far surpass my own."

A large balding man who had not yet spoken, did so. "Captain Janeway cannot be trusted. Her relationship with Commander Chakotay has seriously compromised her credibility. He is a former Maquis and an official prisoner aboard your ship."

"Commander Chakotay is a fine First Officer and as dedicated to getting our crew home as the Captain. Your fears are groundless. Neither the Captain's relationship or her pregnancy compromises her position."

Kathryn gasped at the mention of her pregnancy and the Admirals turned to each other in surprise. Then Admiral Carter addressed her.

"You did not inform us that you are pregnant, Captain."

"It makes no difference to my ability to Captain this ship," Kathryn rpelied coolly.

"No one is questioning your abilities, Captain," he replied. "We are only questioning your commitment. And what further testimony of your lack of it do we need?"

A female Admiral spoke up against him. "Objection. Pregnancy is permitted for serving captains."

"In all normal circumstances, yes, but what does it say about the Captain's committment to the crew to be starting a family with her Maquis terrorist husband when she has a crew to get home?"

"You recieved my notes on Quarren," Kathryn answered. "When we were under mind-control, the Commander and I had a relationship and my pregnancy is a result of that. You will find all dates correspond."

"Dates can be manipulated. How old are you now, Captain? There can't be many fertile years left. I say you and the Commander wanted a child and made one as soon as you got back to the ship so you could say you conceived on Quarren..."

"Objection," the woman said again. "That is supposition only and there is no regulation against the Captain conceiving a child if it is her wish. The issue at hand is the Captain's personal involvement with a Maquis criminal. All else is irrelevent."

"It is far from irrelevent," he answered. "The truth is that the Captain has all the luxuries of home on her ship and is in no hurry to return to the Federation!"

"That is not true," Kathryn cried. "I am doing everything I can to get this ship home, everything!"

"Even if that is true," the woman continued, "because of your relationship with a Maquis criminal, it would be in everyone's best interest if you resign as captain of the ship."

"No," Kathryn replied. "I will not abandon my crew! I promised them I will get them home and I will!"

"Then if you will not resign," Admiral Carter continued, "you leave us with no choice but to relieve you of your rank." He turned to Tuvok. "Commander Tuvok, as of now, we promote you to Captain and make you Captain of Voyager. Kathryn Janeway, we strip you of your rank and demote you to Commander. What position you hold on the ship is up to you and Captain Tuvok to decide."

Kathryn tried to protest... "But..."

"That is our final decision. Captain Tuvok, we will speak with you in more detail tomorrow. We are running out of time and..."

The connection terminated and the screen went blank. Kathryn stared at it, not quite believing what had transpired.

"We will contest their decision," Tuvok said calmly. "You are Captain of this ship and I do not accept promotion."

Kathryn turned slowly towards him and smiled wanly. "Thank you, Tuvok."

* * *

For a long while, Kathryn watched Chakotay sleep. Petal whimpered in the living room, wondering why she was suddenly kept in a dog pen and not allowed to roam her territory freely. But Kathryn couldn't let her run wild around the quarters incase she jumped on Chakotay's leg. The animal never disturbed them during the night, she had learnt that was time to sleep, but she was very energetic during the day.

A million thoughts raced through Kathryn's mind, a million emotions. She was angry, furiously angry, and yet at the same time she was scared too. And on top of that she was so desperately worried about Chakotay. He didn't need this at the moment, but now she had no choice but to tell him.

At last Chakotay stirred awake. Kathryn forced a smile as his eyes fixed on hers.

"Good morning," she said quietly.

"Good morning," he smiled.

Kathryn walked over to the bed and Chakotay knew instantly that something was wrong. Kathryn was pale, drawn, and her eyes avoided his. He lifted himself up into a sitting position.

"What's wrong, Kathryn?"

Kathryn sat down on the bed and compelled herself to look at him. "I've been stripped of my rank."

Chakotay was quiet a moment as he tried to make sense of this. "I don't understand."

"Starfleet Command don't think I'm the best person to captain Voyager. Because of our marriage, many people fear I won't do my best to get this crew home. The longer we take, the longer you won't have to go to trial. So, they've decided to make Tuvok Captain instead."

Anger welled inside Chakotay. "But that's ridiculous..."

"He says he won't accept, but if I continue as Captain because we're too far away for them to enforce their decision, I'll no longer be welcome in Starfleet when we return." She paused. "I knew there would be some opposition, but I never expected this." Tears welled in her eyes. "We've done everything we can for this crew, Chakotay. We've sacrificed so much, and still do. You're just as dedicated to getting this crew home as I am."

Chakotay took her hand in his. "We'll fight this, Kathryn."

"I don't know how we can, what we can do..."

"We'll find a way."

Kathryn lowered her eyes. "I feel I've let the crew down," she said quietly, "and yet at the same time I feel I've let you down by thinking that ... And I feel I've been so selfish ... so terribly selfish in being with you..."

Chakotay squeezed her hand. "Kathryn, you're the least selfish person I know. You're always thinking of the crew, always. And our relationship has been good for the crew too. Us being together really makes them feel like one crew, one family. For so long I had my concerns about us, and I know what you mean about feeling selfish. I used to feel that too." He paused. "But we've done nothing wrong, Kathryn. We've done nothing that we don't permit for any other member of this crew. And we've considered the crew first and foremost every step of the way. Remember how happy everyone was when we told them we were together? Remember how happy they were on our wedding day? And remember how happy they were when we told them about your pregnancy? The crew love you, Kathryn. They trust you. They know that no matter what, you'll do your best to get them home." He brushed a strand of hair away from her face. "They'll never serve under Tuvok while you reside on this ship. You are their captain. No one else. You." He squeezed her hand again. "Leave this to me and the crew, Kathryn. This is something that belongs to us."

Kathryn nodded. He was right. This was a battle that she couldn't fight. It was a battle she didn't have the right to fight.

* * *

At Chakotay's insistence, Kathryn went to take Petal for a walk in the holodeck, and in her absence, Chakotay summoned Tuvok. He arrived promptly and made his way into the bedroom.

"You wished to see me, Commander."

"Yes," Chakotay replied.

"And I presume what you wish to discuss is the latest decision by Starfleet Command."

Chakotay nodded. "That is correct."

"Then let me first say that I have no intention of becoming Captain of this ship. In fact, I have already consulted the crew, and we are all in unanimous agreement that Captain Janeway should remain Captain of Voyager and you as First Officer. There is no reason for the status quo to change. The Captain's relationship with you has not been detrimental to this crew in anyway, and Starfleet Command's logic is flawed. A relationship does not have to be romantic or sexual for emotional bonds to develop between two human beings. Captain Janeway could just as well delay getting this crew home because of a friendship with you or Lieutenant Torres or any other Maquis member." He paused. "I intend to speak with Starfleet Command tomorrow. In the meantime, every member of this crew is giving testimony to Captain Janeway's dedication and commitment, and I shall send the file tomorrow."

Chakotay smiled. "Thank you, Tuvok. And I would like to give a testimony too."

* * *

Dressed in his Starfleet uniform, Chakotay slowly sat on a stool in the Cargo Bay, and then lay his crutches beside him. He looked up at Tom who was filming. "Are we ready?"

Tom answered. "Ready and rolling..."

"Alright then." Chakotay took a long pause, and then began to speak to the camera.

"As you are all probably aware, my name is Chakotay, First Officer of this ship and husband of Captain Janeway. When Kathryn and I first met seven years ago, we were enemies. I was a Maquis rebel and she was a Starfleet Captain sent to capture me. If our ships had met in the alpha quadrant, we would have fought each other. She would have fought to capture me, and I would have fought for the liberty of my crew, so that we could fight for the liberty of people oppressed by the Cardassians. I'm not proud of my Maquis activities, but fighting the people who had caused such atrocities on my homeworld was the only way I believed I could avenge the deaths of my family. My mother, father, and all but one of my siblings, were brutally murdered. My youngest sister, Rennay, was amongst many women beaten and raped before being killed.

I had dedicated my life to Starfleet and was teaching at the academy at the time. When I heard about what had happened on my homeworld, I was devastated, completely devastated, but I believed the Federation would support my people and oust the Cardassians. But instead, they handed our homeworld over to them. Not only was I angry, incredibly angry, but I was also grieving. I turned my back on Starfleet and the Federation because I felt they had turned their back on my people. But I was wrong to resort to violence. There were other ways I could have fought for the liberty of my people. But at the time, there didn't seem to be any other way. I know this has very little relevance to the matter at hand, but I wanted you all to understand something of what could drive otherwise peaceful men and women to join a fighting force like the Maquis.

Neither Captain Janeway or myself had any control of the events that led to us being stranded in this quadrant. Destroying the array that would have been our only way home was the only thing Kathryn could have done in the circumstances. We couldn't let a whole civilization die at the hands of the Kazon, just for our convenience. From the moment we were stranded, it didn't matter whether we were Starfleet or Maquis. We were 75,000 light years from the Federation, and even at maximum warp it would take us a lifetime of traveling to get home. Because of our circumstances, Captain Janeway made me her First Officer, and B'Elanna Torres, Chief Engineer. Most of us thought we would never see Earth again. Many thought we should not even try to make it home but find an m-class planet and make a new home there.

But from the very beginning, Captain Janeway fully believed that we would make it home. And her faith gave others faith. Without her, I don't know what would have happened to us all. I very much doubt we would have made it this far. Her ability as Captain surpasses the ability of any captain I have ever known, as does her dedication and commitment to this crew. Kathryn has sacrificed so much for this crew and for years had no personal life at all.

Entering into a relationship was not something Kathryn and I did lightly. We are both aware of our responsibilities to this crew, and both of us are dedicated to getting this crew home. We all want to get home, Starfleet and Maquis alike. I want to see my sister again, my cousin, my homeworld. I want Naomi to meet her father. A starship is no place for children, and as a father to be, I want my children to be raised on Earth and know the difference between night and day or summer and winter. I want them to know their grandmother, their aunts, their cousins, their family.

Life on Voyager is dangerous. Life in this quadrant is dangerous. Always there are hostile species ready to attack us, always there are anomalies or diseases or lifeforms like the one that has just cost me my leg. On a personal level, Kathryn and I have very little time to spend with each other and always we are aware of the risks to each others life. It's by no means an easy existence. I love Kathryn. I love her with all that I am and all that I could be. And I've loved her for a very long time. She has loved me for a long time too, but for years neither of us acted upon our feelings because of our positions. But denying what we felt was only causing us both pain and ultimately was not good for either our working relationship or our personal well being. Over the years I watched Kathryn change from an affectionate fulfilled woman to a lonely, withdrawn, woman living without even basic human comfort. And I was lonely and hurting too. There was just no point in either of us living that way. But we would have continued to do so if the crew had not been in favor of a relationship between us. But not one crew member objected to us being together. On the contrary, they were all very much in favor of it."

And our relationship has not in anyway interfered with our responsibilities and obligations to this crew. This crew could ask for no better captain than Captain Janeway. No captain could be more dedicated, more determined, more trusted by her crew, more committed, more capable, or more conscientious. In Captain Janeway's hands, this crew is in the best possible hands." He paused. "That's all I would like to say. Thank you."

Tom cut filming as Chakotay reached for his crutches and then approached his First Officer. "Every one is behind the Captain, Chakotay. Every one. The things I've heard today ... The things the Captain has done for people ... things none of us even knew about. There's no way after listening to everyone's testimony that Starfleet Command will deprive the Captain of her rank."

* * *

Chakotay materialized in his bedroom and slowly made his way over to the bed. It took a lot of effort to bridge the small gap and he was glad to finally reach the bed. As he sat down, he heard the main door open and Kathryn come in. She put Petal in her dog pen and then made her way into the bedroom. She stopped in horror when she saw Chakotay was in his uniform.

"Chakotay, what the hell are you doing?"

He took a deep breath. He had hoped to go and give his testimony without her finding out. "Everyone is giving a testimony to Starfleet Command about your commitment and dedication to this crew. I wanted to aswell. Tuvok helped me to change and I transported to the Cargo Bay."

Kathryn was silent a moment. "Everyone is giving a testimony?"

Chakotay nodded. "You are well loved, Kathryn. No one is going to let Starfleet Command deprive you of your rank."

Kathryn smiled wanly. "That means a lot." She walked over to her husband. "But you shouldn't have gone, Chakotay. The Doctor said complete rest."

"I know. But I had too. I wanted too."

Kathryn put her hand on his shoulder. "Let me help you undress."

Chakotay got to his feet again and balanced himself on his crutches. Kathryn undid his trousers and let them fall to the floor. Chakotay kept his eyes on the floor and she could tell that he was hating every moment of her helping him. He was a very independent, private, man. She then helped him to sit and pulled away his trousers, leaving him only in his boxer shorts. His jacket and T-shirt he would be able to remove himself. He would want to remove them himself.

"I hope you watched carefully," Kathryn said softly as she drew away, "because when I'm as big as a whale, I'm going to need you to help me."

At that, Chakotay looked up at her and the shame in his eyes disappeared as a soft smile graced his lips. Kathryn put her hand to his cheek. "We help each other, Chakotay. That's the way it is."

Chakotay reached for her hand and held it in his. "Thank you."

Kathryn squeezed his hand. Then she looked deep into his eyes. "Are the crew really all testifying?"

Chakotay nodded sincerely. "As I said, Kathryn, they all love you."

* * *

The Doctor examined Chakotay and Kathryn watched, holding Petal in her arms. The poor creature had been confined to the dog pen all day and had given such a sorrowful cry when she saw Kathryn and the Doctor ignore her and make their way into the bedroom, that Kathryn just couldn't leave her there. She was also glad of the small comfort the feel of the animal in her arms gave as the Doctor examined her husband.

"Better than I expected," the Doctor said at last. "If you wish, Commander, I can operate on you tomorrow. I have no appointments in the afternoon."

"I don't think tomorrow would be such a good idea," Chakotay continued. "Not with all that's happening."

Kathryn stepped forward. "I think tomorrow would be wonderful. I don't want you suffering a moment longer than you have too, Chakotay. I want you to have it tomorrow."

"Alright," Chakotay answered.

The Doctor smiled. "Then it seems we have a date, Commander."

"We certainly do." He then paused. "What will the operation entail, Doctor? How will the new leg work?"

"It's extremely complicated to explain," the Doctor answered. "Artificial limbs are rarely used these days because we have the technology to reconstruct even the most severely injured limbs, like your legs following the accident. But we have long been able to create artificial limbs with both sensation and natural appearance, providing neural damage to the rest of the limb is not too extensive. This is done by regeneration, extension, and manipulation of severed nerves, the reconstruction of muscle, ligament, and veins around an artificial titanium based bone framework, and the extension, regeneration, and grafting of skin to cover the limb."

"I see," Chakotay answered. "So in effect, my leg will appear and feel like it always did, only it will have metal in the place of bone?"

"Essentially yes," the Doctor replied.

"How long will it take?"

"It varies from person to person, but at the least three hours and at the most five."

* * *

The next morning, Kathryn and Chakotay waited anxiously in their bedroom for Tuvok to arrive after speaking with Starfleet Command. Chakotay watched as Kathryn sat on the edge of the bed, slowly sipping a glass of water. She had been quiet since they woke up and hardly eaten anything. He put his hand on her shoulder and could feel the tension in her muscles. He was very worried about her. She was biologically old to be experiencing a first pregnancy, let alone twins, and the demands of life on Voyager wasn't at all conducive to a healthy pregnancy. He began to knead with his fingers, wanting to alleviate some of the tension.  
Kathryn smiled a little. "That feels good."

"Then come close and I'll massage both shoulders."

Kathryn put down the drink and climbed onto the bed. She lay back against Chakotay, mindful of his leg, and closed her eyes as he began to massage.

"I'm going to have to arrange a memorial service for Greg Harris and Frix," she said, finding it impossible to relax despite the magic of Chakotay's touch.

"We'll think about that later," Chakotay said gently. "Let's settle this matter with Starfleet Command first. Otherwise everyone will be too concerned about what's going to happen to do their memories justice."

Kathryn nodded. "You're right."

Chakotay caressed Kathryn's shoulders. "This isn't doing any good, my love. You're much too tense."

Kathryn drew away from him. "I can't help it. What if Tuvok's words and the testimonies make no difference?"

"They will, I'm certain of it."

Suddenly the door chime sounded and Kathryn got to her feet. As she went into the living room, she picked Petal out of her pen, and bade who she expected to be Tuvok, to enter.

Tuvok came in and Kathryn showed him into the bedroom. As they entered the room, Chakotay tried to gauge from Tuvok's face whether his face bore good news or bad, but his Vulcan countenance gave nothing away.

Kathryn spoke. "What happened, Tuvok?"

"I made my objection to Starfleet Command clear, and told them that I will not replace you as Captain of this ship. I told them of the opposition of every single crew member to their decision, and that each crew member has given testimony to your dedication, bravery, and commitment to getting this ship home. They will view the testimonies and give us their final verdict in twenty four hours time. I have no doubt their verdict will be in our favor."

Kathryn forced a smile, wishing she could believe it as much as he did. "Thank you, Tuvok. Thank you for all that you have done."

"No thanks are necessary, Captain," he said sincerely. "Starfleet Command are in grave error."

* * *

The afternoon was long as Chakotay underwent his operation. Kathryn tried to concentrate on a pile of work that had been neglected over the past couple of days, but her mind was too clogged with interference and she couldn't think clearly. She got up and was about to replicate a hot drink when the door chime sounded.

"Come in."

The doors opened and Samantha Wildman came in. "I'm sorry to bother you, Captain," she said, clearly anxious, "but I'm worried about Naomi."

"What about her?"

"She's locked herself in her room. Apparently she overhead Neelix talking with Seven about the Commander's operation, and all we can conclude is that she misheard what he was saying and thinks that because the commander injured his legs rescuing her, its her fault he lost his leg." She paused. "She won't let me in, Captain. But she'll talk to you, I know she will."

Kathryn went over to Samantha and put her hand on her shoulder. "I'll come right away."

* * *

Samantha showed Kathryn into her quarters and over to Naomi's bedroom door.  
"Naomi, honey," she said, after knocking the door, "the Captain is here and would like to talk to you."

There was no response.

Kathryn spoke next. "Open the door, sweetheart. Please."

At the sound of the Captain's voice, they heard movement inside, and then the door unlocked.

Kathryn turned to Samantha. "Let me go in alone."

Samantha nodded her consent and Kathryn went in. She looked around the room as she did so and couldn't help feel a twinge of sadness. It was a pretty room, full of all that a child needed, but at the same time it was still a room on a starship with nothing to see out of the window but stars flying by at warp speed. Her eyes were drawn to the bed and she found Naomi lying upon it, face down, crying. The child's needless pain knifed her heart and Kathryn went over to her. She sat on the bed and gently stroked her copper hair.

"Why are you crying, sweetheart?"

There was no answer.

"Is it because of Commander Chakotay's operation?"

Naomi hesitated, but then nodded.

"Then there's no need to cry, honey. The Commander's going to be just fine."

But her words did no good. "It's my fault," Naomi cried. "It's my fault he lost his leg."

Kathryn caressed the child's sobbing back. "That isn't true, honey. He lost his leg because an unknown lifeform devoured it."

Naomi cried a little longer and then turned to her slowly, her face drenched in tears. "But they wouldn't have eaten it if there hadn't been a rod in it. And the only reason there was a rod in it was because he hurt his legs rescuing me."

Kathryn brushed her fingers against the child's red raw cheek. "If there hadn't been a rod in it, sweetheart, the lifeform would have devoured the Commander instead, just like they did Greg Harris and Frix. The rod saved his life."

Naomi's tears ebbed now. "It did?"

Kathryn nodded. "So don't cry anymore, honey. There's nothing to cry about."

Naomi sat up a little now, but there was still a darkness in her eyes. "What will the Commander's new leg be like? Will he be able to walk on it?"

"Just like he did his old leg."

"Really?"

Kathryn nodded again. "And it will look the same too." She smiled softly. "Come round to our quarters tonight and you can see his leg for yourself. Would you like that?"

Naomi hesitated, but then nodded with a smile.

* * *

The operation was a complete success and Chakotay was already on his feet when Kathryn arrived at sickbay. He was wearing black shorts and a white T-shirt and the Doctor was performing what appeared to be a test on his leg. The Doctor looked up at her as she entered and beamed a smile.

"I'm happy to say the Commander's leg is as good as new, Captain. Better than new, if I may say so." He drew away from Chakotay. "Take a look, Captain. You won't know the difference."

Kathryn studied Chakotay's leg and indeed it didn't look any different to his right leg. Chakotay's own skin covered the limb and there was no scar or mark whatsoever to suggest there had ever been an amputation.

"Amazing, Doctor," she said. She then looked up at Chakotay. "How does it feel?"

"Just like my old one," he smiled. "I really can't tell the difference."

Kathryn saw the truth of that in his eyes and smiled in return.

"However, your leg will need regular check ups," the Doctor continued. "Once a week to begin with, and then two or three times a year, just to make sure that everything is working as it should be."

"Understood."

"Also try and use it as much as you can for the next few weeks. Try not to stay inactive for too long."

Kathryn smiled. "Not much chance of that on this ship, Doctor."

* * *

After a beautiful meal, Kathryn and Chakotay cuddled up together on their couch. Petal took her usual place at their feet and was glad that normality had returned to her little existence. She hated being confined in the dog pen and being left in the living room alone all by herself all day and all night.

"It will be alright tomorrow," Chakotay said softly. "I just know that it will be."

Kathryn nestled closer to him. "Let's not talk about tomorrow. It will come soon enough. What I would like to talk about is you. You've been through hell the past couple of days."

"I'm fine, Kathryn," he said. "Truly. I was scared at first, but this leg feels just like my old one and I know how lucky I am just to be alive." He kissed her hair. "But what Starfleet Command has done to you..." He paused. "You've sacrificed so much for this crew, sacrifice so much still. It makes me so angry that they question your dedication and commitment. No captain could be as dedicated to their crew as you."

Kathryn drew slightly away from him. "You've been so brave through this, Chakotay. You're always so brave."

"Not as brave as you," he answered. "You're the bravest person I've ever known."

Kathryn had to smile. "Seems we have a mutual fan club here."

"It seems we do."

She then gazed into his eyes. "But whatever happens, I'm not sorry for what's happened between us. I never could be. And if Starfleet Command does say they're sticking with their decision, then I'll defy them and remain Captain anyway. As they say, they have no way of enforcing their decision."

"If you do that, they will never let you remain in Starfleet when we get home."

"I know," she answered. "But then my mission will be complete."

Chakotay's eyes dulled and he lowered them. "I always dreaded this, always feared this..."

Kathryn gently raised his head with her fingers. "I love you, Chakotay. If it came to a choice between you and Starfleet, there would be no contest."

Chakotay's voice was barely a whisper. "But Starfleet means so much to you..."

"And you mean a million times more."

Tears welled in Chakotay's eyes and Kathryn traced the course of his tattoo.

"When we first got stranded, I insisted on us remaining a Starfleet crew because we needed those principles and values to survive. And they've served us well. But we could survive out here without being a Starfleet crew. I think many crewmembers would actually welcome not being a Starfleet crew, especially former Maquis. I won't betray this crew. I promised them I would get them home, and I will get them home. If Starfleet won't support us, we'll do it without them." She smiled. "We've done pretty damn good so far."

Chakotay had to smile at that. "We certainly have."

Kathryn gazed into his eyes and then lowered her lips to his in a gentle kiss.

As she drew away, the door chime sounded.

"My guess is Naomi," Kathryn smiled. She drew away from Chakotay and stood up.

"Come in."

The door opened and Samantha and Naomi came in.

Kathryn smiled. "It's good to see you both. Come and sit down."

Samantha went to sit down while Naomi went over to Kathryn. She held out a shiny red parcel, wrapped in a gold ribbon.

"For the Commander."

Kathryn laughed softly. "Why don't you give it to him yourself."

Naomi nodded and then slowly went over to Chakotay. She stood a little distance away from him and held out the gift at arms length. "For you, Commander."

Chakotay took the present. "Thank you."

He began to undo the wrapping and Kathryn noticed that Naomi looked at his legs the whole time.

"A box of chocolates," Chakotay said, removing the paper. "That's very kind of you."

Kathryn went over to them. "Any coffee creams amongst them?"

Chakotay opened the box. "There just happens to be one or two."

Kathryn smiled, scoured the contents, and cheekily pinched a chocolate from the box. She then turned back to Naomi. "Would you like to see the Commander's leg now?"

Naomi hesitated and then nodded.

Chakotay put down his chocolates and then rolled up his left trouser leg.

"As you can see," he said, holding it out, "it's just like my old leg."

Naomi studied his leg curiously and he could tell she wasn't sure whether this was his artificial leg or his real leg, so he rolled up his right trouser leg aswell.

"You see? Just the same."

He wriggled his toes in both legs. "I can even wriggle my toes."

A smile broke across Naomi's face now as she saw his toes wriggle through black socks.

"So everything's alright now, Naomi," he said kindly. "Everything's alright."

* * *

It was quiet in Astrometrics while Kathryn, Chakotay, and Tuvok waited for Starfleet Command to contact them. At last, the transmission came through and Admiral Paris appeared on the screen. From the look on his face, Chakotay knew immediately that he bore good news. His eyes were bright and he seemed eager to speak with them.

"It's good to see you again, Captain," he said, smiling as he spoke.

"You too, Sir," Kathryn said nervously.

Tuvok cut straight to the point, a sign that he was more anxious than his Vulcan exterior displayed. "Have Starfleet Command reached a decision?"

"Yes," Admiral Paris replied. He then turned to Kathryn and smiled warmly. "You are to remain Captain of Voyager."

Kathryn smiled in return, joy and relief consuming her. "And Chakotay?"

"He may remain in his unofficial capacity as First Officer." He paused. "Starfleet Command are impressed by your dedication and commitment to your crew, and wish me to tell you that you are a credit to Starfleet and to the Federation. They sincerely apologize for misjudging you and want to wish you and the Commander every happiness in your personal life."

"Please convey to them my gratitude," Kathryn replied, "and my assurance that I will continue to serve this crew to the best of my ability."

Admiral Paris nodded with a smile. "I will, Captain." He paused. "And I would like to congratulate you both on your pregnancy."

Kathryn smiled again. "Thank you, Sir."

"We will communicate with you once a week, every Monday, unless something comes up. All other days of the week you may use the eleven minutes of communication time with the Federation for the crew to talk with their loved ones." He paused. "And that's about all I have to say today, so I'll let you get on with passing the good news, in both respects, to the crew." He smiled. "Good day to you all."

"Good day, Sir," Kathryn replied, Chakotay and Tuvok echoing.

As the connection terminated, Kathryn turned to Chakotay and Tuvok.

"I can't thank you both enough for what you've done," she said sincerely.

"As I said," Tuvok answered. "No thanks are necessary. We did nothing but speak the truth. No captain could be more dedicated to his or her crew than you."

"No captain at all," Chakotay smiled. He then lay a gentle hand on her shoulder. "I'll gather the crew together in the mess hall and we can inform them."

"The crew have already gathered there," Tuvok replied. "They are eager to know Starfleet Command's decision."

"And I think you should tell them," Kathryn continued. "You did most of the work. The Commander and I will be along in a moment."

He gave a nod. "As you wish, Captain."

With that he left the room, and the doors closed behind him. Kathryn turned back to Chakotay and smiled.

"My ship and my man," she said, eyes sparkling. "But one way or another, I would have kept you both."

* * *

Rapturous applause filled the air as Kathryn and Chakotay arrived in the Mess Hall. Every member of the crew was on their feet and cheers and whistles abounded.

"Thank you," Kathryn smiled. "Thank you so much."

"No need to thank us," Tom said, stepping forward. "It's us who want to thank you. What you have done for us all has always been way beyond the call of duty. Not only are you the best captain we could ever have, you're also a wonderful person. I know I speak for the entire crew when I say that you've always been more than just a captain to us. You've also been a friend."

There was more applause at that and the crews sincerity touched Kathryn's heart.

Chakotay now addressed the crew. "We also have more good news. Starfleet Command will only communicate with us one day of the week. That means the eleven minutes of contact we have with the Federation every other day can be used for you all to speak with your loved ones."

Once again cheers and clapping filled the room.

"But of course," Chakotay continued, "we only have one channel of communication, which means everyone will have to take turns. To be fair to everyone, we'll do a draw and those names pulled out first will get to speak to their loved ones first. We'll transmit the order of draw back home, so that our loved ones will know when to expect to talk to us." He smiled. "But I think we'll all agree that there is one little person who should have honorable first place, someone who has waited long enough to meet her father... Miss Naomi Wildman."

At this the crew cheered again and everyone turned to look at Naomi who smiled proudly.

Then Neelix emerged from the kitchen carrying a large cake on a tray. It was heart shaped and covered in coffee cream.

"Just a little something I replicated to mark the occasion, Captain," he smiled. "It symbolizes the love and respect we all bear for you."

Kathryn smiled, again deeply touched. "Thank you, Neelix."

He put the cake down on a nearby table and picked up a sharp silver knife he had put next to it on the tray. He then held it out to Kathryn. "If you would do the honors, Captain."

Kathryn went over to the table and Neelix handed her the knife. Kathryn looked at the pretty cake for a moment and then raised the knife, about to cut into it. She was stopped by Neelix's sudden exclamation.

"Oh wait, not yet, Captain. We must get a picture ... Wait a moment..."

With that, Neelix disappeared into the kitchen and appeared seconds later with his camera. "Alright," he said, addressing the crew in an authoritative manner, "all gather behind Captain Janeway. Commander Chakotay, you stand beside her."

The crew did as he said and Chakotay took his place beside his wife.

"Now all smile please," he said, "On the count of three. One, two, three..."

Everyone smiled as the picture was taken, and then Kathryn dug the knife deep into the cake.

**END OF CHAPTER FOURTEEN**


	16. Glimpses: Part One

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

**GLIMPSES**  
**Part One**

The midnight mess hall was still, quiet. Kathryn stood in the middle of the empty room and looked at the kitchen. She could see a ghost of Neelix potter around, stirring his latest soup in a large saucepan, and a heaviness weighed on her heart. Life on Voyager just wasn't the same without him. He had left two weeks ago to start a new life on a Talaxian settlement, and saying good bye to him was one of the hardest things she ever had to do. She had come to love him very much and was missing him profoundly. Everyone else was missing him too. It had been a difficult few weeks. First Q had abandoned his son on the ship in the hope of the boy acquiring some discipline and the human equivalent of a teenager had caused nothing but trouble during his brief stay, then Joe Carey had been killed during a mission presented to them by Starfleet Command to retrieve an ancient Federation probe named Friendship One, and then Neelix had left.

And on top of everything else, it had been Christmas. It was always the time of year that Kathryn dreaded most. As the crew consisted of many different races with many different beliefs, Christmas was never publicly celebrated. But she knew this was hard for those who did celebrate, and she always found it hard herself. It was the one time of year when thoughts lay very much with home, and the one time of year when the longing for home and loved ones was profound. She had always made sure there was a communal Christmas dinner in the mess hall every Christmas Day, and had always attended, but it just wasn't the same. In the privacy of her quarters, she had wept that first Christmas Eve they were stranded, and had wept every Christmas since.

But while this Christmas may have been a difficult one for many of the crew, for her personally, it had been a special one. Chakotay had lived long in a culture that celebrated Christmas, and so it had become a part of his life too. For him, it represented a time of both rejoicing and reflecting. A time to rejoice in the blessing of family, and a time to reflect on the year that has passed. While she was on duty one afternoon, he had decorated their quarters with gold and silver tinsel, and with saved replicator rations, had replicated a Christmas tree with beautiful fairy lights of rainbow colors. Beneath the tree, he had placed several presents all beautifully wrapped in shiny paper and decorated with ribbon. It had all been such a wonderful surprise, that Kathryn had wept from joy. Then, in return, she had placed presents beneath the tree for him, and they had spent Christmas morning opening each others gifts. It was the first Christmas since they had got stranded that actually felt like Christmas.

Kathryn wandered over to the kitchen now and replicated herself a glass of water. She was feeling rather thirsty and couldn't help feel that if she was thirsty, so too were the growing babies inside her. Although she was only three months pregnant, her abdomen had already begun to swell because she was carrying twins, and a distinctive bump was visible.

Suddenly, the doors to the mess hall opened and Tuvok came in.

Kathryn looked up at him and smiled softly. "Can I get you a glass of water, Tuvok?"

She knew that Tuvok was missing Neelix more than anyone, even though he would never admit it.

"That would be replenishing," Tuvok answered.

Kathryn replicated him a glass of water, and then left the kitchen to make her way over to him. She handed him the glass and then gestured to the couch in the corner of the room. She and Tuvok made their way over to it and sat down.

"I'm surprised to find you here so late," Tuvok said, putting his drink down on the table before him.

"I couldn't sleep," Kathryn replied. "My back was aching and I just couldn't get comfortable. I didn't want to wake Chakotay as he has an early shift tomorrow, so I just put on some clothes and came here." She paused. "What brings you here?"

"A puzzle," Tuvok said seriously. "It is most strange. And the peculiarity prevented me from getting rest."

Kathryn lay back against the couch. "Anything I can help with?"

"I very much doubt it, Captain."

"Try me."

Tuvok thought for a moment and then began. "For sometime now I have been suffering from a certain medical condition."

Kathryn sat up again at that, an anxiety consuming her. "Oh Tuvok ... Why haven't you ever told me..."

"I have not told anyone. And until today, I did not tell the Doctor. I knew very well what I was suffering from and knew there was nothing he could do to help me. The disease was in its early stages and I knew how to relieve the symptoms. However, over the past month, my condition deteriorated and I knew I had no choice but to consult the Doctor. So, this morning, I consulted the Doctor and he did indeed confirm my self diagnosis. However, he was able to determine a cure within seconds."

Kathryn smiled in relief. "That's wonderful, Tuvok."

"But it does not make sense, Captain. Doctors on Vulcan have been attempting to find a cure for many years but have never been successful. A mind-meld with a compatible Vulcan is still the only method of treatment that is known to be effective."

"The Doctor is very capable," Kathryn replied. "He has found cures for many unknown diseases. Remember, his mind is a computer. He is able to process and analyze data much quicker than any humanoid."

"That is true," Tuvok answered.

"And this disease you were suffering from, it may well have been similar to one of the many we have encountered in this Quadrant. If the Doctor was not so good at finding cures for unknown diseases, most of us would not be alive now."

"That again is true," Tuvok responded.

"This just unsettles you because you had long believed this disease to be incurable. It's always unsettling when what we believe to be the truth turns out to be something else."

"You are right, Captain," Tuvok answered. "I allowed an emotion to interfere with logic. The explanation you have rendered is indeed the logical conclusion."

He reached for his drink now and took a sip of it.

"I'm glad the Doctor was able to find a cure for you, Tuvok," Kathryn continued, "very glad indeed. But I'm very disappointed and very concerned that you didn't seek medical assistance as soon as you were aware something was wrong. I'm also deeply disappointed that you didn't confide in me."

"My illness did not effect my working capacity," Tuvok stated.

"I'm not talking about your working capacity, Tuvok. Next to Chakotay, you're the person I'm closest to on this ship. Our friendship extends back years. I care about you very much. If there's ever anything troubling you, anything whatsoever, I want you to come to me. Understand?"

"Yes, Captain," Tuvok replied. He then put down his drink and rather abruptly got to his feet. "Now the cause of my unrest no longer exists, I should attempt to get some rest. I too have an early shift in the morning."

"Then you had indeed better get some rest," Kathryn smiled.

Tuvok gave a nod. "Goodnight, Captain."

"Goodnight, Tuvok."

She watched as he left the room and then turned to the window of stars before her. She watched the stars fly by at warp speed for a while and the motion made her sleepy. She finished off her drink and then got to feet. She should try and get some sleep too. She had promised Seven that she would pay a visit to her quarters in the morning. For weeks Seven had been working on her quarters in her spare time and had been quite secretive about what she was doing. No one had been allowed to go in except Naomi and Icheb. Kathryn had long been curious and was looking forward to finally seeing the fruits of Seven's labor.

* * *

The following morning, Kathryn was just finishing a breakfast of cereal, fruit, and pancakes, when Chakotay unexpectedly returned from the bridge.

Kathryn looked up at him. "Everything alright?"

He smiled. "Fine. I just wanted to see if you're alright."

For the past month she had been suffering from nausea in the mornings, sometimes quite severely, and Chakotay had changed his shift several times to avoid an early start so he could take care of her. But Kathryn had insisted on him changing shifts no more as she didn't want her pregnancy to interrupt the lives of the crew, especially not in these early months.

"I'm good," Kathryn replied. "I don't feel as nauseous today and have managed to eat most of my breakfast." She smiled. "Or at least if I haven't, Silvia and Silvesta have."

Chakotay smiled at that and went over to the table. He sat opposite her and pulled out a folded piece of paper from his pocket. "Lieutenant Crowman gave me this plan for suggested modifications to our quarters." He unfolded the paper and lay it before Kathryn. She studied it carefully and liked what she saw. Because she was captain, their quarters were the largest of all and comprised of four bays and a bathroom. The first bay was their bedroom, the second and third were their living area, and the fourth bay their rudimentary kitchen and dining area.

"I like it," Chakotay continued. "By erecting a wall between the third and fourth bay and then dividing the fourth bay into two, we get two additional bedrooms. And if the doors into the rooms are placed close together and in a central position, we get a lot of side space. One of the bedrooms would be windowless, but we could have that. We'd also have to seal off the external door which would otherwise lead into that room, but we hardly ever use that door anyway. As to our current bedroom, all that would be needed is to make it smaller so that we could all have direct access from the living room to the bathroom." He pointed to the area on the plan. "As you can see, all that would entail is removing half of the wall containing the open doorway, and then using the removed material to construct a wall across the bedroom, with a regular door, to isolate the bedroom as a separate room. That would also give us almost another half bay of space that could be used for the kitchen area." He paused. "What do you think?"

"Great," Kathryn smiled. "It would use very little resources and I don't think would take very long at all to do. Just a couple of days perhaps."

Chakotay smiled. "Then I'll tell him we like it."

Kathryn took a sip of water. "When do you think we should have the alterations made?"

"I think as soon as we can. We obviously won't need to use the two bedrooms at first, only one as a nursery, but the sooner we get them built, the sooner we can start work on the nursery."

Kathryn couldn't help smile. She had long suspected that he was eager to start work on the nursery.

"Then we'll have them done as soon as possible."

The door chime sounded and Kathryn turned towards the door. "Come in."

The doors opened and Celes, one of the youngest members of the crew, although even she was almost thirty now, and definitely one of the least competent members, entered.

Chakotay got to his feet as she did so. "Well, I'd better return to the bridge."

Kathryn picked up the plan. "Don't forget this..."

Chakotay smiled. "That's ours to keep."

He walked towards the door and addressed Celes as he passed. "Good morning, Celes."

"Good morning, Commander," she answered nervously.

He left the room and the doors closed behind him.

"I didn't mean to interrupt your breakfast, Captain," Celes said anxiously.

"It's alright," Kathryn smiled. "I was just about finished." She gestured to the empty chair opposite her. "Take a seat."

Celes sat down and Kathryn noticed that she was trembling slightly.

"What can I do for you, Ensign?"

"It's more ... It's more what I can do for you, Captain."

Kathryn tried to hide a smile at this unusually confident statement from Celes. "I'm all ears."

"Well, I've been thinking how difficult it will be for you to look after two babies and be Captain of this ship. Babies are a lot of work, even when there's only one. They cry all the time and need feeding and changing and bathing..."

Kathryn interrupted, not liking the way this conversation was going. It worried her immensely how she and Chakotay were going to manage and didn't need to have those fears confirmed in the voice of another.

"Is there a point to this, Ensign?"

"Yes, Captain," she replied. "I'll look after them."

Kathryn was a moment in answering as she tried to absorb this. "How do you mean look after them? What about your duties on Voyager?"

"I'm more of a hindrance than a help on Voyager, Captain. Everything I do has to be double checked by someone and despite everything we've been through, I'm no more capable today than I was seven years ago. If we were in the Federation, I would have left Starfleet a long time ago and done something else with my life. But out here there's no where else for me to go, no other job to do. And if you were in the Federation, you and the Commander would have a nanny to look after the children while you work. I'm good with children, Captain. I have a lot of brothers and sisters, both younger and older, and looked after children and babies all the time. I may not be qualified but I'm well experienced."

"Are you saying you would like to give up your present position to become our nanny?"

"Yes, Captain. I offered my services to B'Elanna and Tom Paris, but B'Elanna said she is going to look after her baby as much as she can herself and Karla Banks, an old Maquis friend of hers, is going to help."

Kathryn took a sip of her drink. "The Commander and I are certainly going to need help. That's without question. I'm just not happy with you giving up your position to help us."

"I want to, Captain," Celes said hastily. "I love being with children and I'd be so much happier as your nanny than I am as an ensign. Please, Captain. I really would like to do this."

Kathryn smiled. This was obviously something the girl really wanted to do. "Alright then. When these little ones are born, you can be their nanny."

Celes broke into a wonderful smile and looked happier than Kathryn had ever seen her. "Thank you so much, Captain, thank you so much."

The girl's happiness warmed Kathryn's heart. "Thank you, Celes."

Celes got to her feet. "And I won't disturb your breakfast any longer, Captain."

Kathryn reached for her arm. "Not so fast. Replicate yourself a cup of tea or coffee or whatever you like and join me. We're going to be spending a lot of time together in the future so I think we should get to know each other better."

Celes smiled again. "Yes, Captain."

* * *

Seven waited impatiently in her quarters for the Captain to arrive. The Captain had said 9:30 hours and it was now 9:31. It was so unlike the Captain to be late. At last, the door chime sounded. Seven turned to face the door. "Enter."

The doors opened and Kathryn came in.

"Welcome to my quarters, Captain."

Kathryn looked around the room and was amazed at how beautifully homely Seven's quarters were. They were nothing like the two plain bays she had been assigned. Before her was a very inviting living room that had pretty pictures on the wall and a soft brown carpet on the floor. In one half of the room was a sitting area, with several comfortable looking chairs, and in the other half a kitchen and dining area. Kathryn wandered over to the kitchen. There was a stove, a fridge, a replicator, a sink, a drainer, utilities, a long tabletop and beneath it two large cupboards.

"Very traditional," Kathryn said, running her hand over the tabletop. "This has to be the finest private kitchen on the ship."

"I wanted a large kitchen," Seven added. "I could not cook to maximum ability in a confined space."

Kathryn smiled. "You're really enjoying cooking, aren't you?"

Seven hesitated, uncomfortable with expressing delight. "I find it ... satisfying."

Kathryn took that as a yes. "And now that you have your own quarters, you can begin entertaining."

"I would not know who to invite."

"Then why not start with Chakotay and I? You could invite Celes too. When the twins are born, she's going to be their nanny. A dinner party would be the perfect way for Chakotay and I to get to know her better, and for you to get to know her too. It would be good for you to have a female friend of your own age."

"I have a day off tomorrow," Seven replied. "Would tomorrow evening, 19:30 hours, suffice?"

"It would be perfect," Kathryn smiled. Then she walked back into the center of the room. There was a door that clearly led to another room. "Is this the way to your alcove?"

"To my bedroom," Seven replied, moving ahead to open the door. "You may look."

Kathryn walked into the room and was surprised at what she saw The bed was covered in a pretty flowered quilt and a pink carpet covered the floor. Opposite the bed was a white rocking chair and on it was an array of cuddly toys. There was also a white wardrobe and next to it a long full length mirror.

"It's beautiful, Seven," Kathryn said, the childishness and the femininity of it touching her deeply. It wasn't at all what she would have expected and was further testimony that beneath her often cool Borg exterior lay a young woman with feeling.

"I now sleep three nights out of seven," the former drone elaborated, " and only need to regenerate for four."

A feeling of guilt kept over Kathryn at those words. She was completely unaware of this. "I didn't know," she said quietly. "But that's wonderful, Seven."

Seven turned away from Kathryn and gestured to the wall at their left. Kathryn looked at it and saw there were two independent doors. Seven pressed a button and the door to the right opened. "My alcove is in here."

Kathryn looked inside and saw that Seven's alcove was indeed there.

"And this room is the bathroom," Seven said, going over to the last silver door. She opened the door and stepped inside. Kathryn followed her and found herself in a very pretty bathroom. The walls were decorated with cream tiles and there was a wine lavatory and sink to her right and a sonic shower to her left.

"Very nice, Seven," Kathryn said, feeling another lump gather in her throat. She had no idea that Seven had such domestic instincts. And she would never have thought it. It seemed contrary to her character. But it was clearly just another example of how different Seven's public persona was to the private. If only she could allow people to see more of Anneka... Kathryn wandered back into the bedroom and went over to the rocking chair. She picked up a rag doll that sat next to a teddy bear and ran her fingers over the frilly red dress she was wearing.

"It must have taken you a lot of replicator rations to replicate many of these items," she said quietly.

"Yes," Seven answered. "That's why it's taken me so long to finish decorating my quarters. I've been replicating everything bit by bit. The kitchen took the most replicator rations."

Kathryn turned to her protégé. "The kitchen?"

"I had to replicate all the materials and tools necessary to construct it."

Kathryn put down the doll and then raised her hand to her brow. "Oh Seven."

"I also had to construct the bedroom and bathroom and move my alcove."

Kathryn turned to face the former drone. "You had no help at all in modifying the bays?"

"No, Captain," she answered.

Kathryn took a deep breath and went over to Seven. She lay her hand on her arm. "Why didn't you come to me or Chakotay and tell us what you wanted? We would have had Lieutenant Crowman design and modify your quarters to your liking. It wouldn't have taken him more than a day or two to do it. He did Arlei's in no time at all."

"I was not aware such assistance was available or permitted," Seven said quietly.

Kathryn longed to draw Seven close and hold her tight, but she knew such affectionate gestures were unwelcome to the former drone.

"But I would not have wanted such assistance anyway," Seven continued, raising her shields again, "I wanted to design and construct my quarters myself."

Kathryn smiled warmly. "And you've done a magnificent job, Seven. Truly magnificent. I'm very proud of you."

Suddenly Icheb's voice over the comm interrupted them.

"Icheb to Seven of Nine."

Seven hit her commbadge. "Go ahead."

"I think I've detected a nebula on sensors that contains wormholes. It's approximately 1.8 light years away."

"A nebula containing wormholes is extremely unlikely," Seven replied. "Are you certain you interpreted the data correctly?"

"As certain as I can be..."

Kathryn interrupted. "Seven and I will be right there, Icheb."

"Understood, Captain" he responded. "Icheb out."

"He's probably mistaken," Seven said as the connection terminated. "Yesterday he believed he had detected a Borg cube on sensors. However, there were no Borg ships."

"Better to be safe than sorry," Kathryn replied, already making her way out of the bedroom. "If there is a nebula containing wormholes, or just a cluster of wormholes in isolation, it may be our best chance yet of getting home."

* * *

"Definitely a nebula containing wormholes," Seven said as she analyzed the on screen data in Astrometrics. "In fact, there are dozens deep within the nebula."

Kathryn felt a surge of hope but tried to contain it. "Any leading to the Alpha Quadrant?"

"I am unable to determine at this distance. But the likelihood of one of the wormholes terminating in the Alpha Quadrant is strong."

Kathryn smiled. "Then nebula containing wormholes, here we come! I'll inform the bridge and we'll set a course."

She put her hand on Icheb's shoulder. "Well done, Icheb. But keep this to yourself for the moment. We don't want to give the crew false hope."

* * *

After going to the bridge and reporting the latest finding to all present, Kathryn made her way to sickbay for her weekly exam. The discovery of the nebula meant that once again Chakotay could not accompany her.

"I'm afraid it will have to be a quick check-up today," the Doctor said as she entered. "Lieutenant Torres has just gone into labor."

Kathryn looked behind the Doctor and saw B'Elanna lying on a biobed behind him. She was breathing deeply and was clearly in a lot of discomfort.

"I'll have my check-up tomorrow," Kathryn replied.

"That could be a problem," the Doctor added. "Klingon labor can last for days."

Kathryn stared at him incredulously and then went over to B'Elanna. She took her hand. "How are you doing?"

"Going crazy already, Captain," B'Elanna replied. "But at least I'll only have to do this once. You'll have to do it twice in a row."

"That's where you're wrong," the Doctor said, walking over to the bed. "The Captain will be having a caesarian."

Kathryn turned to him. "That's the first I've heard of it, Doctor."

He sighed. "If you had read the literature I told you too, you would have been aware of that. At your age, a multiple birth would be too strenuous for your body."

A shaft of pain consumed B'Elanna and she cried out. "I want a caesarian. Give it to me now!"

"There is no medical reason for you to have one, Lieutenant. Natural birth is in your best interest."

Kathryn squeezed her hand. "The Doctor's right. Just take deep breaths ... Nice and easy..."

B'Elanna did as she was told and began regulating her breathing until another pain made her cry out. "Where's Tom? Where the hell is he?"

"He should be on his way," the Doctor said." I have summoned him."

"We found a nebula on senses that contains wormholes," Kathryn added. "Maybe that's delaying him. We..."

She was interrupted as sickbay doors opened and Tom came in. His face was flushed from rushing and his hair was disheveled.

"I came as quick as I could," he said, hurrying over to the bed. "There was no one to relieve me at the helm."

Kathryn stepped away from the bed as he approached. "Where's Lieutenant Farrow?"

"He just knocked off three hours ago. I didn't want to wake him. Chakotay's taken over instead." He took B'Elanna's hand in his. "How are you doing, honey?"

"How does it look like I'm doing? And if anyone else asks me that, I'll..." She cried out in agony again.

Tom turned to the Doctor. "Isn't there anything you can do for the pain?"

"It's childbirth," he replied bluntly. "It's meant to be painful." He then turned to Kathryn. "Seeing as Lieutenant Paris is here, I'll examine you now."

"Very well," Kathryn replied.

She followed him into his office and he began to examine her. Just as he did so, Chakotay's voice over the comm interrupted them.

"Chakotay to Janeway..."

Kathryn hit her commbadge. "Go ahead."

"I think you should come to the bridge right away."

"On my way. Janeway out."

She turned to the Doctor. "It looks like this exam is just going to have to wait, Doctor."

* * *

When Kathryn arrived on the bridge, the ship had come to a standstill and on the screen before her was the image of the nebula. It was a glowing white and quite breathtaking.

"Report?"

Seven answered. "It seems Icheb was not mistaken. We detected a Borg cube entering the nebula."

Kathryn swallowed. The last thing she wanted was another confrontation with the Borg.

"Have you detected any more cubes within the nebula?"

"No," Seven answered. "But we lost trace of the cube as soon as it entered the nebula. The density of the nebula prevents sensors from working to maximum capacity. There could be any number of Borg cubes inside."

Tuvok continued. "We have, however, detected several wormholes within the nebula that do indeed lead to the Alpha Quadrant."

Kathryn glanced at Chakotay and he saw the inner battle taking place in her eyes. She paced the floor and clenched her hands tight. Then she turned to face everyone. "Alright. We'll enter the nebula. If we come across more Borg cubes, we'll get the hell out of there. If there's just one Borg cube, we'll take our chances and find a wormhole that leads us closest to home. It's a big nebula. We should have no trouble hiding ourselves from a single Borg cube." She turned to Chakotay. "Chakotay, take the helm again and lead us in."

He nodded and took his seat as Kathryn took hers.

* * *

Two hours later, they had reached the nebula and were about to enter it.

"Chakotay. Take us in, warp 8."

Chakotay did as he was told and within minutes they were inside the nebula. Kathryn could hardly breathe and could feel her heart beat in her mouth. Suddenly, a Borg cube flew before them, then another, then another. In the distance there were a dozen more.

Kathryn anxiously got to her feet. "Reverse course, Chakotay! Get us out of here, maximum warp!"

Within minutes Voyager was free of the nebula.

"Maintain maximum warp," Kathryn said, "and get us as far as you can from the nebula before reducing speed."

"We were not detected," Seven stated. "No cubes are pursuing us."

Kathryn paced the floor, her disappointment manifesting itself in anger now. "Why the hell didn't you warn us that we were about to enter Borg territory, Seven? This is quite clearly Borg space!"

"My memory processor was damaged when I was severed from the Collective," Seven answered. "I retain much knowledge, but not all."

Kathryn turned to Harry. "Mr Kim, open a channel to the Talaxian settlement. We're going to need some kind of map of this region before we can plot a course through it. Otherwise we might just fly ourselves straight into the heart of Borg space."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"I'm going to my ready room. Inform me as soon as contact with Neelix is established."

* * *

Alone in her ready room, Kathryn sat on her couch and buried her head in her hands. The disappointment was overwhelming. At last, at long long last, she thought they had finally found a gateway home, only for it to be completely blocked by the Borg. It was unfair, so unfair. There was no way she could risk taking the crew into that nebula. The Borg would assimilate them for sure.

"Kim to Janeway."

Kathryn hit her commbadge. "Janeway here."

"Connection to Neelix established."

"Understood. Janeway out."

Kathryn went over to her monitor and switched it on. Neelix's face appeared on the screen.

"I believe you require my assistance, Captain."

"That's right," Kathryn answered. "We've entered Borg space and we want to plot a course that will take us safely out of it. But we don't know the boundaries of Borg space in this region. Is there anyone on your settlement that can help us?"

"There will surely be someone, Captain. I will make enquiries and get back to you."

"Thank you, Neelix."

The connection terminated and the screen went blank.

* * *

It was over an hour before Neelix returned communication. Kathryn had returned to the bridge and was waiting anxiously for any information he might be able to give them. At the moment Voyager was returning the way she had entered this space, but even that path was not entirely safe. It was likely that they were still very much in Borg space.

At last there was an incoming transmission.

"We're being hailed, Captain," Tuvok said. "It's Neelix."

"On screen."

"I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you, Captain," Neelix began. "It took me a while to get the information you needed."

Kathryn stood up. "Then you have it?"

"Yes, Captain ... well, a rough estimate of Borg space. No one here knows its exact boundaries."

"A rough estimate will more than suffice. Well done, Neelix."

He smiled. "I'll transmit it now."

"Thank you."

"There's also some information about species in the neighboring space, but again no one can outline their boundaries. They're apparently all friendly, Captain. They have to be, given their proximity to the Borg."

Tuvok spoke. "We've received the chart, Captain."

"I'm sorry I can't provide you with any more information," Neelix continued. "But very few people here have traveled further than our settlement."

"I'm very grateful for the information you have provided," Kathryn smiled. "It will help us immensely."

"Glad to be of service, Captain," he smiled in return.

The link terminated and Kathryn turned to Seven. "What's our position in relation to Borg space?"

"According to this chart, we're still within it, Captain, but only just. I can plot us a new course that will guarantee we avoid Borg space." She hesitated. "It will, however, add ten years to our journey."

The blood drained out of Kathryn's face. "Ten years?"

"The Borg occupy a vast area of space in this region, extending almost to the core of the galaxy. Circumventing this area will increase our journey by at least 10,000 light years. It will also mean we will lose all contact with the Federation again."

Chakotay saw Kathryn's lip tremble and his heart ached for her. He knew how desperately she wanted to get the crew home. But whatever Kathryn was feeling, the Captain overpowered her.

"We can't travel through Borg space," she said at last. "I'd rather us get home a few years later than not get home at all. Plot us a course that will take us safely out of Borg territory and submit the route to Chakotay."

"Yes, Captain."

Seven began to plot a new course and within minutes had transmitted the information to Chakotay.

Kathryn took her seat again. "How long until we are clear of Borg space, Chakotay?"

Chakotay turned to the transmitted data and studied it. " If this chart is correct, at maximum warp we should be free of Borg space within six hours."

Kathryn nodded. "Then take us to maximum warp."

**END OF PART ONE**


	17. Glimpses: Part Two

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

**GLIMPSES**  
**Part Two**

Kathryn rubbed her tired eyes and tried to clear her mind of clouds that were fogging her thoughts. She had been on the bridge for over five hours and she was really beginning to feel the strain. She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder and looked up. Chakotay was looking down at her.

"You need to take a break, Kathryn."

"I'm alright," she replied. "But if you could get me a snack, that would be great."

"You need a break," Chakotay insisted. "We're almost free of Borg space and haven't detected a single cube since we left the nebula. We can manage for a while without you. Go and get something to eat. I'm sure Silvia and Silvesta are starving."

Kathryn had to smile at that. "Alright. But I'll be straight back after I've eaten." She got up and put her hand on Chakotay's arm. "You make sure you get something to eat aswell and take regular breaks from the helm. You need to exercise your leg."

"Yes ma'am," he smiled.

Kathryn smiled softly and left the bridge.

* * *

When Kathryn reached her quarters, Petal bounced to greet her. Kathryn lifted her up and the animal licked her face. The poor creature must have wondered why she had been left alone so much of the day. Usually Icheb would take her for a walk on the holodeck in the afternoon or Naomi would take her to her quarters and play with her for a while. But today the ship had been at red alert for hours, so there had been no walkies or playtime.

"I'm sure you're hungry too, old girl," Kathryn said as she put Petal to the floor. "Let me get you some dinner."

Kathryn went over to the replicator and ordered a plate of dog food and a bowl of water. They materialized, and Petal was so hungry that she began to eat the food almost before Kathryn had put the plate on the floor. Kathryn watched her and felt guilty that she had completely forgotten about the poor dog. Chakotay clearly had too. "Sorry, old girl," Kathryn said, tickling her ear. "We just had a crisis today and it's been mayhem on the bridge. None of us have eaten. If it's any consolation, you're the first to get your meal."

She then patted the dog and returned to the replicator.

"One roast beef dinner."

Since marrying Chakotay, she had eaten a lot less meat. They always tried to have their meals together and as he was a vegetarian, they tended to have meat free meals. Now that she was pregnant, especially carrying twins, it was imperative that her diet contained all the right nutrients for both her and the babies, and the Doctor had devised a mainly vegetarian diet that would give her all the nutrients she needed. But when she was eating alone, she couldn't resist a roast beef or chicken dinner.

The dinner materialized and Kathryn took it over to the table. It was steaming hot so there was plenty of time to go to the bathroom and wash her hands before eating.

When she did finally sit down to eat, she was surprised at just how hungry she was. Before she knew it, she had cleared her plate.

"Chakotay to Janeway."

Kathryn hit her commbadge. "Go ahead."

"We're clear of Borg space."

That was a complete relief. "Understood. Janeway out."

As the connection terminated, red alert was finally canceled. Kathryn smiled at Petal. "I think this means I can have dessert too. What do you say?"

Petal wagged her tail and Kathryn laughed. She was not going to let another 10,000 light years and loss of contact with the Federation get her down. They had escaped the Borg and what would have been a certain fate of assimilation had they been detected. Setbacks were to be expected, and they had faced worse obstacles than 10,000 light years. The crew would be disappointed to lose contact with their families and she was disappointed that she wasn't going to get to speak with her mother and sister after all, or Chakotay with his sister, but they had managed very well all these years without Starfleet. They would manage again.

Kathryn got up and went over to the replicator.

"A coffee cake topped with coffee ice-cream."

The dessert materialized and Kathryn picked it up. She then went over to her couch and sat down, ready to savor it. Petal jumped on the couch beside her and curled up against her leg.

As Kathryn dipped her spoon into the ice cream, she heard the faint sound of laughter in the distance. She looked up and looked around the room. It was still, quiet. Kathryn shrugged, put it down to her imagination or someone passing through the corridor, and continued to eat her ice cream. As she did so, she heard the sound of laughter again. It was louder this time and was definitely the laughter of children. Petal could clearly hear it too as she began to growl.

"Chakotay to all. We are passing through a region of space that appears to be in temporal chaos. We have no choice but to continue through this space if we are to escape the Borg. We should be through the region in approximately thirty five minutes, but there may be temporary temporal disturbance in some parts of the ship as we travel through. You may experience or witness events from the past or events in the future. Just remember that should you witness the future, the temporal prime directive applies. I will inform you all when we are clear of the temporal chaos. Chakotay out."

Kathryn was about to contact Chakotay and ask why she hadn't been informed, when his voice greeted her.

"Chakotay to Janeway."

Kathryn tapped her commbadge. "Why didn't you inform me, Chakotay?"

"There wasn't time. I thought it best to warn the crew about possible temporal disturbance. Otherwise they may be alarmed."

"I understand. But is it absolutely necessary that we go through this temporal chaos? Can't we circumvent?"

"Not unless we want to return to Borg space. I'm taking the shortest possible route across the chaos."

Kathryn put down her dessert on the table and stood up. "I'll join you on the bridge."

"There's no need, Kathryn," he replied. "Everything's under control."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. You finish your meal. Chakotay out."

Kathryn sighed and turned to Petal who had settled down again. She picked up her dessert and sat once more on the couch to finish it. After she had eaten a few spoonfuls, she heard the sound of laughter again. She put down her dessert and could feel her heart beat in her chest, could hear it even, as she stood up and looked around the room. There was nothing to see. No one. Yet the happy laughter echoed around the room, growing stronger. Then her heart completely stopped when her eyes saw transparent colors move around the room ... blue ... white ... yellow ... The colors began to solidify but still remained transparent and Kathryn gasped when the colors formed the ghostly images of two children, a boy and a girl of about seven years old, running around the room. The little girl was chasing the little boy and they were both laughing heartedly. The little girl was dressed in a yellow dress and had long black hair that flowed over her shoulders like streams of ribbon. Her eyes seemed to be dark too and above her left temple was the marking of Chakotay's people. The little boy was taller by a fraction and was wearing blue shorts and a white T-shirt. His hair was short and he shared the same coloring and marking on his forehead.

Then they were gone.

Kathryn stood up, still dazed. She had just seen the future, and she had just seen her children. She put her hand to her abdomen as a way of connecting with the babies inside her and longed to see them again ... just another glimpse...

"Neelix to the Captain. You are required in the mess hall..."

She now had to be in the past ... somewhere in the past...

Petal began to growl again and more ghostly voices spoke.

"As much as I adore them," she heard Chakotay's voice say behind her, "I could sure do with a respite..."

Kathryn turned around and saw a ghostly Chakotay standing a little distance before her, dressed in casual clothes and holding an infant in each arm.

"I'll take them to the holodeck..."

The voice was familiar, but it took Kathryn a moment to place it. Celes.

Then the scene before her vanished as quickly as it had appeared.

Petal was still growling and Kathryn turned to face her. "It's alright, honey," she said, almost trying to reassure herself at the same time. "We're just going through some temporal disturbance. Everything will be alright."

But the animal would not be pacified and continued to growl.

"No," a little girl's voice cried, "I won't let you have her..."

Kathryn span in the direction of the voice and once again saw the ghosts of her children before her. They were fighting over a doll and both of them were tugging viciously.

"I only want to see... Please, Silvie..."

"No," she cried, "you'll break her like you did Izzy..."

"I won't...let me see her...Please let me see her..."

"No, Stevie...You're not having her...You're not..."

Then the lights suddenly dimmed and when they came back on, Kathryn found herself in a completely different room and Petal was gone. She looked around the room. It was familiar and yet unfamiliar. Then she realized it was her modified quarters. The living area was smaller and there were two doors before her leading to two extra bedrooms. She couldn't help smile as she looked around. Their quarters looked so homely and everything had its place, from the living area, to the dining area, to the kitchen area that conveniently occupied the spare space leading to the bathroom. There were a few more cupboards in the area than she would have imagined and, if she wasn't mistaken, what appeared to be a fridge. These things were obviously a necessity for a family lifestyle. At the moment, she and Chakotay, like almost everyone else on board, just recycled the food they didn't need rather than store it in a fridge.

Suddenly, the main door opened and Chakotay came in. Kathryn held her breath, hoping this was her Chakotay, not a future Chakotay, but from the casual clothes he was wearing already guessed she was hoping in vain. Sure enough, when he looked up at her, this was definitely an older Chakotay. His hair had grayed and his face had aged. He stopped still when he saw her, almost as though he had seen a ghost.

Kathryn swallowed and found she was trembling lightly, but felt she had to say something.

"The ship is experiencing temporal disturbance..."

Chakotay slowly bridged the gap between them and tears welled in his eyes as he gazed at her.

He slowly reached out and brushed his fingers against her cheek. "It's really you," he whispered. "Oh Kathryn..."

There was so much pain in his eyes, such longing...

Then the lights dimmed again and when they came on, she was back in her old quarters, Petal close by. Kathryn was trembling violently now. Chakotay had looked as though he had seen a ghost, and if he thought he had seen a ghost, that could only mean one thing...

Kathryn buried her head in her hands. No, she wouldn't think it. She couldn't second guess the future, not from just a glimpse ... She picked up Petal and held the animal close. As she did so, another ghostly sound filled the air ... It was the sound of weeping. Kathryn turned in the direction of the sound and gasped when she saw a ghost of Chakotay sitting in a chair before her. He was clutching what appeared to be an item of clothing tight to his chest and weeping with the agony of a broken heart.

"Kathryn would want you to be happy, Chakotay..."

B'Elanna's voice spoke as the image of Chakotay faded away before her. "She wouldn't want you to spend your whole life grieving."

Kathryn turned around again, trying to follow the voice, and then saw the ghosts of B'Elanna and Chakotay sitting together on a couch.

"I know," Chakotay answered. "I just ... I just loved her so much..."

"And you'll always have that love. But that doesn't mean you can't love someone else. Celes loves you. She loves the children. And you care for her, I know you do."

"Of course I do," he answered. "She's always been so good with Silvie and Stevie and a tower of strength to me. But I'm not ready to replace Kathryn. I never will be."

"No one will ever replace Kathryn. No one will ever replace her in your heart. But there's still plenty of love in your heart, Chakotay, and Kathryn would want you to share it."

"I can't," Chakotay said quietly. "After Celes and I kissed the other night, I felt ... I felt as though I'd betrayed Kathryn. Because even though she's dead, she's still alive in my heart. I'm still married to her in my heart."

B'Elanna took his hand in hers. "You have to let Kathryn go, Chakotay. You have to let go. For your sake and for the childrens. You have a chance of happiness with Celes and you have to take it. Just give her a chance, Chakotay, and give yourself a chance to fall in love again."

Then the voices and the images faded and all was still and quiet.

Kathryn tried to take in all she had seen and heard, tried to take in the terrible reality. In the future, she was dead...

"Chakotay to all. We're now clear of the temporal chaos and there are no anticipated problems in the space ahead. Once again, may I remind you that if you experienced temporal disturbance, the temporal prime directive applies. Chakotay out."

The words hardly registered with Kathryn. The words sounded far away, almost like someone speaking in a dream.

"Chakotay to Janeway..."

No response.

"Chakotay to Janeway..."

The words reached her now and Kathryn hit her commbadge. "Janeway here..."

"We're finally in safe space so there's no more cause for concern. There's just a couple of things I need to do before retiring."

"Alright," Kathryn said absently. "Janeway out."

Slowly, still dazed, Kathryn put Petal down and went to sit on the couch. A million thoughts were racing through her mind, all fighting with each other for dominance, all creating chaos. Kathryn got up again and replicated herself a mug of hot milk. Once it had materialized, she took it back over to the couch and sat down again. Her children had been alive so her death couldn't have been for a while yet ... Perhaps not for a long while ... She put her hand to her forehead and closed her eyes. She didn't want to think about this ... Didn't need to think about this...

Suddenly the sound of crying interrupted her thoughts. Kathryn gasped, thinking for a split second that temporal disturbance was upon them again. But then the Doctor spoke.

"Tom and B'Elanna Paris would like to announce the arrival of Miral Paris at 20:08 hours weighing 9 pounds 4 ounces."

Kathryn couldn't help smile at that news. Miral. So B'Elanna and Tom had finally been able to agree on a name.

The doors to her quarters opened and Chakotay came in.

Kathryn stood up. "I thought you had things to do."

"I delegated them," he said. "I was worried about you. You didn't sound yourself."

"I'm alright," she said, trying to put on a front. "Did you just hear the announcement? Isn't it wonderful?"

Chakotay nodded. "It just goes to show that even the worst days have their golden moments."

He went over to her and put his hands on her shoulders.

"We've suffered setbacks before, but we've always got through them. We will again."

She nodded. "It's just a disappointment...To think we were so close to home..."

She couldn't tell him that it was the future she had witnessed that was upsetting her. It would be a violation of the temporal prime directive, but more than that, it would be cruel.

"I know," Chakotay replied. "But there'll be another way home."

Kathryn nodded. "We're going to have to inform the crew. Word has probably got around about what was going on, even though I told the bridge crew to keep silent, but there are probably still a lot of people who don't know what was going on today or what our new circumstances are. We'll have to call a meeting in the mess hall and tell everyone."

Chakotay squeezed her shoulder. "I'll arrange the meeting. You finish that drink."

He made to leave but Kathryn caught his arm. "Make it for 21:30 hours. Everyone needs to have a good meal first and so do you. I bet you've hardly eaten anything all day."

Chakotay turned back to her and smiled. "21:30 hours it is." He hit his commbadge. "Chakotay to all. As you are all probably aware, today has been quite an eventful day. The Captain and I will explain everything to you all in the mess hall at 21:30 hours. I'm afraid the news we have to give you is not good, but neither does it merit alarm. We just came across an insurmountable obstacle on our plotted course and have had to drastically change course. As I say, the Captain and I will explain everything and answer any questions you may have at 21:30 hours in the mess hall."

* * *

The meeting was over quicker than Kathryn had expected it to be, and there had been very few questions from the crew. The news that 10,000 light years had been added to their journey was taken well, but the news that their new course would mean losing contact with the Federation once again, not so well. There had been no outbursts, but the bitter disappointment of the crew had hung in the air so densely that it was almost touchable. But as always the crew showed remarkable resilience too and just like Kathryn had done, grieved momentarily for their losses, and then thanked their lucky stars for deliverance from the Borg.

But what had happened during the temporal disturbance still haunted Kathryn. She lay still in Chakotay's arms in their bed and gazed vacantly into the darkness around them. The events of the day played on Chakotay's mind too. He had experienced nothing during the temporal chaos, but he was beginning to suspect that Kathryn had. She had been quiet all evening and he couldn't help feel there was more to it than the setbacks they had received.

He also found himself thinking about another Kathryn in a different time, the Kathryn his older-self had told him about who had traveled back in time to get Voyager home sooner. His older-self had said she had arrived in about a year's time, and that time was now upon them. Perhaps she had traveled back in time with technology that would get them passed the Borg so they could enter a wormhole and make it home sooner. Or perhaps the temporal disruption to the ship had played a part in aiding Kathryn to travel back in time to provide them with that technology. Perhaps she had been able to present herself to the crew in a different time by knowing when the ship would experience temporal chaos. But whatever way she had traveled back in time, it had to have been to get them passed the Borg. It was unlikely they would find another gateway home so soon, and his older-self had talked of an attack on the Federation by the Borg because of the way Voyager had got home. Perhaps there had been a confrontation, perhaps much damage to the Collective, damage for which they wanted to be revenged.

But regardless of how it had happened, and regardless of what exactly had happened, none of it had happened now. That future had long been erased from existence.

The future.

That still raised the question of what Kathryn might have seen there.

Chakotay kissed her hair and caressed her arm softly.

"The only time you ever gave up hope was when we were stuck in that void three years ago. The Kathryn Janeway I know and love doesn't give up hope easily. The Kathryn Janeway I know and love wouldn't let 10,000 light years and loss of contact with the Federation get her down. Something else is wrong." He paused. "When we entered the temporal chaos, you experienced something, didn't you? You experienced the future."

Kathryn finched slightly. He knew her so well. There was just nothing she could hide from him. She raised herself to look at him and forced herself to be strong, for his sake, and for their sake. If her time with him was limited, she wanted every moment to count. "I only saw a glimpse," she said quietly. "Not enough to form a picture." She smiled softly. "But I saw our children, Chakotay, and they were so beautiful."

A light shone in Chakotay's dull eyes. "You did?"

She nodded. "They were laughing and playing and were just like children should be."

She traced Chakotay's tattoo as she remembered the marking on their forehead. "And that's all I saw, Chakotay."

"I thought you might have seen something bad."

She shook her head. "All I saw was our children." She paused. "But everything that has happened today just goes to remind us how uncertain life is in this Quadrant. We make advances and then we're forced into retreat. Instead of being closer to home, we're further away and once more have lost all contact with the Federation. Nothing is certain and that's what frightens me, Chakotay. All we have is now."

Chakotay took her hand in his. "And now is all we can live for. We can't dwell on the past or live in fear of the future."

Kathryn squeezed his hand. "But if something does happen ... if something happens to me ... I don't want you to spend the rest of your life grieving. I want you to be happy ... to love again..."

Chakotay couldn't bear the thought of losing her, couldn't bear the thought of sharing his life with anyone else. But he knew how much it would mean to her to placate her because if anything happened to him, he didn't want her to spend the rest of her life alone and grieving either.

"Just as I want that for you, Kathryn," he said softly. "If something should happen to me."

Kathryn nodded and then nestled close to him again.

* * *

Kathryn gazed at Miral Paris as she lay contentedly in her mother's arms. She was wrapped in a white blanket and every now and then opened and closed her tiny hands.

"She's beautiful, B'Elanna," Kathryn smiled. "Truly beautiful." She then looked up at the proud parents. "And I'm glad you finally decided on a name."

B'Elanna laughed. ""Blame Tom. Everything I suggested was disagreeable to him."

"Excuse me, lady," Tom said teasingly. "I could say that of you."

They laughed softly and then B'Elanna looked up at Kathryn.

"Have you and Chakotay decided on names yet?"

Kathryn nodded. "Silvia Rennay and Silvesta Kolopak."

B'Elanna smiled. "Pretty." She then averted her eyes a moment and seemed distinctively uncomfortable. "Captain," she began, "there's something I want to talk to you about."

Kathryn knew that tone...something she wasn't going to like. "Go on."

B'Elanna hesitated. "I don't want to continue as Chief Engineer. I've been meaning to talk to you about it for a while, but it just never seemed the right time. And then when Joe died..." She paused. "I want to keep working, but only part time until Miral's a little older. I'm sorry."

"There's no need to apologize," Kathryn said kindly. "I understand."

"And don't worry about who to replace me, Captain. I've already spoken to Arlei and she's more than willing. She's proved to be a great engineer. The best I've known."

"She certainly is very capable."

"And trustworthy, Captain." She smiled. "And if you need any unorthodox Maquis methods...well, I'm still on hand."

Kathryn smiled at that and then turned to look once more at the baby. If she was B'Elanna, she would want to spend time with her baby too, not down in Engineering monitoring the warp core on a ship she had never chosen to be on.

"Don't worry about engineering," Kathryn said quietly. "You just concentrate on this little one. Before you know it she'll be grown and she won't be your little girl anymore."

"She'll always be our little girl," Tom said. "Even when she's fifty and we're senior citizens."

Kathryn smiled but a sadness consumed as she looked at Tom and B'Elanna gaze at their daughter. If the future she had seen was true, she would never live to see her own children grow up. And the thought of that filled her heart with a terrible ache.

"Well I...I'm sure you're tired, B'Elanna," Kathryn said quietly. "I'll come back and see you tomorrow."

B'Elanna smiled. "I'll look forward to it, Captain."

Kathryn forced a smile. "Good day, B'Elanna, Tom."

"Good day, Captain," they replied.

Kathryn watched them gaze at their baby for a moment longer and then left the room.

* * *

A midday sun was shining and streamed in through small windowpanes in a familiar fifteenth century workshop. It had been a long time since Kathryn had run this holo-simulation. It had been a long time since she had felt the need. But she needed to talk to someone about what had happened during the temporal disturbance and she could trust the wisdom of no one more than her former friend and mentor.

Leonardo Da Vinci suddenly appeared from behind a large wooden screen and smiled happily when he saw who was present.

"Catarina," he smiled, going over to her. "It's most pleasant to see you again. I have waited for you to come since I returned."

Kathryn smiled softly. "It's so good to see you too, Maestro."

Leonardo smiled as he saw Kathryn's bump. "And I see you are a little heavier than last we met. Fortune has been in thy favor."

Kathryn nodded, but tears brimmed her eyes.

Leonardo saw her pain and went over to her. He put his arm around her shoulder. "Or perhaps not in thy favor." He gestured to a chair. "Come sit, tell me your troubles."

Kathryn made her way to a chair and Leonardo sat opposite her, talking as he did so.

"You were ever a spirit of rebellion ... a heart of passion ... and a brain of defiant wisdom ... Such can lead men to the heights of glory, but also to the pits of despair. Have you found yourself weightier with child but without a husband to share the load?"

Kathryn had to smile. "No, Maestro. I have a husband. A wonderful husband."

"Then what grieves you, Catarina?"

Kathryn was a moment in speaking. "Last night I ... I had a vision."

The old man's eyes shone brightly. "A vision from the Lord? A divine inspiration?"

Kathryn shook her head. "No, it wasn't that kind of vision. It was ... I saw the future."

Leonardo put his finger to his beard. "Ah ... You saw the time that is to follow ... A glimpse of the fate of mankind ... perhaps your own." He looked up at her. "And from your disposition, would I be correct in assuming that what you saw was not to your pleasure?"

Kathryn nodded and her voice fell to a whisper. "I was not a part of the future."

Leonardo understood her meaning and rubbed his beard in deep thought. Then he got up and went over to a desk behind him. He opened a draw and searched for a while. Then he muttered as he found what he was looking for. "Here we are."

He held a small black box in his hand, a box only a little larger than a set of playing cards, and made his way back to the chair. He sat down and opened the box with his skillful fingers. Inside, beneath a sheet of poor quality glass that was sealed over the box, were different shades of sand.

"You see this, Catarina," he said, lowering the box so she could see the contents, "you see the sand ... imagine each grain is a moment of the ages of man ... imagine each grain is a moment of time of a single man ... imagine each one represents a moment of your existence. You see the way the sands form a pattern beneath the glass ... the concentration of dark here and light there ... The course of time is defined for all to see. But if I shake the box..." He shook the box. "The pattern changes... The course of time has changed ... And no shake of the box will ever create the same pattern." He paused. "And that is how it is with time. Time is ever flowing, ever changing. The future you see is this box." He shook the box again. "But the future you may experience is this." The pattern had changed.

Kathryn looked up at him. "So, what you're saying is that the future I saw isn't necessarily the future that will happen?"

"Precisely," he answered.

"But my understanding of temporal mechanics is that the future can only be changed if you know the variable to change. I don't know when I am to die."

Leonardo took her hand in his. "My dear Catarina. In that respect you are no different to any man, woman, or child now alive. Death is the greatest mystery of all and none so mysterious as the time or the place it will occur." He let go of her hand. "Visions have served men in many ways since the dawn of mankind. Sometimes they are not what they appear to be. Take from this experience all that you can learn, and then cast the memory free into the wind to trouble you no more. Knowledge of another time shifts the sand. And the pattern it creates will be different."

Kathryn smiled as a relief transcended her and brought with it peace. "Thank you, Maestro."

* * *

The mess hall was almost deserted when Kathryn arrived there later in the afternoon. A young ensign was serving coffee and tea and slices of two delicious sponge cakes that Seven had made. Kathryn went over to the counter and the young man addressed her.

"Anything I can get you, Captain?"

"Just a glass of water and a slice of cake," Kathryn smiled.

The man nodded and went to replicate her a glass of water and fetch her a slice of cake. As he did so, Kathryn looked around the room again. She saw Harry sitting alone in a far corner. He was staring into his cup and seemed distinctively troubled.

"A glass of water and a cake, Captain."

Kathryn turned back to the young man and smiled. "Thank you."

She then picked up her drink and her plate and made her way over to Harry.

"Mind if I join you?"

Harry looked up. "Take a seat, Captain."

His eyes then fell to his cup again and he continued to gaze vacantly into it. Kathryn put her glass and plate down and then sat down opposite him. She reached for Harry's hand and squeezed it gently. "What's wrong, Harry?"

"Nothing, Captain."

"I know you better than that," Kathryn said gently. "Something's troubling you."

Harry withdrew his hand. "I'm fine, really."

Kathryn bit her lip as a thought occurred to her. Most people seemed not to have experienced anything during the temporal disturbance, and those who had, seemed to have experienced the past, but she couldn't have been the only one to experience the future.

"Is it something to do with the temporal disturbance we experienced last night?"

Harry flinched and was a long time in answering. "You know we can't talk about that."

"Then it was," Kathryn said sadly. She then reached for Harry's hand again. "I know we are not supposed to talk about the future, but if distresses you this much, I think we should."

Harry looked up at her, infinite pain in his eyes. "Arlei was dead."

"I see," Kathryn whispered, a cold shiver suddenly engulfing her.

"I don't know how or when...but I know she was dead."

Kathryn squeezed Harry's hand both as a comfort and a reassurance. "The future has yet to be written, Harry. What you saw was the future as it existed yesterday. Today that future may be very different." She thought of the sand Leonardo Da Vinci had shown her and his words of wisdom. "Think of a sandy beach. When the tide goes out, the sand is left bare with shells scattered here and there. There may even be sand castles or footprints. But when the tide comes in, it washes away all traces of what was there before, and when it goes out again, a new shore is formed, different to any other that has ever existed and different to any that will exist again. Time is like those sands, ever changing."

Hope filled Harry's heavy heart. "Then you don't think the future I saw will happen?"

"No," Kathryn said softly. "I believe the future will be very different, very different indeed."

Harry smiled and Kathryn squeezed his hand again before letting it go.

* * *

Alone in her quarters, apart from Petal, Kathryn lay down on her couch and put her feet up. She was exhausted and her back was aching. Petal curled up on the floor below her and soon went to sleep. Kathryn was just about to drift off to sleep herself when the doors opened and Chakotay came in. Petal looked up and wagged her tail.

Chakotay smiled at the sight of his wife lying on the couch. He was glad she was getting some rest.

Kathryn sat up a little when she was aware of his presence.

"No," Chakotay said. "Don't move on my account. You continue to rest."

"I'm alright," Kathryn replied.

"Did you manage to get your exam?"

Kathryn nodded. The Doctor had insisted on examining her as soon as she had arrived at sickbay to visit B'Elanna and Tom. "All is well."

Chakotay smiled and went over to the replicator and replicated a glass of water. "Anything I can get you?"

"No," Kathryn smiled. "But a cuddle would be good."

Chakotay smiled, drank up his water, and then went over to her. He sat beside her and drew her into his arms. Kathryn nestled against him and he kissed her hair.

"How has your day been?"

"Better than I expected," she answered. "The crew are remarkably resilient."

"They certainly are."

"And I think Miral's birth yesterday helped considerably in softening the blows." She smiled. "She's so adorable, Chakotay. It's a good thing I'm pregnant already because otherwise I just might have gotten broody."

Chakotay laughed softly. "I went to see her too. I think she will definitely have her mother's temperament as she was certainly making her presence known and exercising her lungs when I arrived." He then fell serious. "B'Elanna told me she's told you of her decision to resign as Chief Engineer."

Kathryn nodded and drew slightly away from her husband. "I have to say I wasn't expecting it. I thought she and Tom were going to work opposite shifts or overlapping shifts so that there would only be a few hours in the day that Miral needed to be taken care of by someone else." She paused. "But I can certainly understand her decision. She owes Starfleet and this crew nothing, but owes her child everything."

"And I think Arlei played a large part in her decision too," he added. "She's a very capable engineer, much better than any of us ever expected. I think B'Elanna felt somewhat intimidated by her capabilities. She's always believed a job should be given to the most capable person." He paused. "I've been thinking a lot about what we're going to do when Silvia and Silvesta are born, and I was thinking that the only real practical thing for us to do would be for me to resign as First Officer and look after them all day while you work."

"There'll be no need for that," Kathryn answered, glad that Celes had offered to be their nanny because she couldn't bear the thought of captaining Voyager without Chakotay as her First Officer. "I've been meaning to tell you. Celes has offered to be our nanny."

Chakotay's surprise showed in his eyes. "She has?"

Kathryn nodded. "She came to see me yesterday morning. I wasn't sure at first, but she's clearly unhappy in her present position, so I agreed. It will make her happy and it solves all our problems. You and I can continue working our regular shifts and the rest of the day we can spend as a family. On quiet days I can even take a few hours off to spend with the children, I've certainly tolled up enough over the years."

Chakotay smiled. "You certainly have."

Kathryn lowered her eyes and was a moment with the next words. "I want to be a good mother, Chakotay. I'm just so scared that I won't be because of my obligations to the crew. I don't want the children growing up resenting me because they believed being captain was more important to me than them."

"You're going to be a wonderful mother," Chakotay answered. "Our children aren't going to want for anything, and certainly not for their mother's love, attention or affection, because I know all those things you'll give in abundance. They're going to think they're the luckiest children in the universe to have you as their mother."

Kathryn looked up at him and smiled warmly. "And you as their father."

Chakotay smiled in return and then took her hand in his. "It's been an exhausting couple of days, my love. You go and have a lie down while I make dinner."

Kathryn nodded. "I just might do that."

She kissed his cheek softly and then got to her feet. As she did so, she remembered that she, Chakotay, and Celes were meant to be going to Seven's quarters for dinner.

"On second thoughts, forget dinner," Kathryn said, turning back to Chakotay. "I've just remembered that you, Celes, and I, are meant to be dining at Seven's quarters tonight. With all that's happened, I clean forgot. I haven't even mentioned it to Celes."

"Perhaps Seven has forgotten too."

"I very much doubt it. And we can't disappoint her. This is her first dinner party." She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to Celes."

A surprised Celes responded. "Celes here, Captain."

"How would you like to join Commander Chakotay and I for dinner tonight in Seven's quarters?"

Celes was a moment in answering. "I ... I would love to Captain."

"Alright then. See you there at 19:30 hours. Janeway out." Kathryn turned to Chakotay. "As Celes will be spending so much time with our children, I thought it's important that we get to know her better. It will make it easier for her and for us."

Chakotay nodded. "I agree, although it's surprising, isn't it, how many people on this ship we still really don't know, despite having been with them for seven years?"

"Yes," Kathryn answered. "I wish I knew every single person as well as I do B'Elanna or Tom or Harry, but the reality of the situation is that we tend to only know well those people we're with every day."

Chakotay got to his feet and lay his hands on Kathryn's shoulders. "Are you sure you're up to this dinner? I really think you could do with some rest."

"I'll be fine," Kathryn smiled. "And I'm sure Silvie and Stevie will appreciate the feast Seven will surely have prepared for us."

Chakotay's eyes twinkled. "Silvie and Stevie?"

"Their names for short..."

"I see," Chakotay smiled.

Kathryn drew away from him. "Come on, we'd better get ready for dinner. We don't want to be late. I'm sure Seven counts the minutes."

Chakotay laughed and then followed her into the bedroom.

**END OF PART TWO**


	18. Shoreleave

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

**SHORELEAVE**

Kathryn stood in the middle of her living room and looked around at the completed modifications to the quarters. Apart from a difference in layout of furniture, the quarters looked exactly as she had seen in the future. There were two doors leading to two bedrooms, and at the opposite side of the room, where once an open archway had led to her bedroom, was a small kitchen area and open access to the bathroom. She tried the new door that led to their now enclosed bedroom, and was happy to find it was in perfect working order. She stepped into the room and looked around. It was a lot smaller, and there wasn't much space, but it would be perfect for a child one day, as a single bed would take up a lot less space than the double bed she and Chakotay currently shared.

As Kathryn left the bedroom, the now only doors leading to the quarters opened, and Chakotay came in.

Kathryn smiled at him. "All modifications are complete."

Chakotay looked around and she could tell that he was pleased at what he saw. "Even better than I imagined," he smiled.

He wandered over to the door leading into what would be the nursery and opened it. He then disappeared inside and Kathryn followed him, having not yet seen the room for herself.

"Perfect," Chakotay smiled. "Just perfect."

Kathryn thought it looked a little bigger than their own modified bedroom, but wasn't sure that was the case or whether it's emptiness just gave the illusion of being so.

"I think there's enough room to put in a lavatory," Chakotay said, wandering over to an inner corner of the room. "That will save Silvie or Stevie having to cross the living room to go to the bathroom when they're older. Maybe we could have access to it from what will be our room too."

"Good idea," Kathryn smiled.

He then turned to his wife, a slight look of concern on his face. "It just occurred to me," he said quietly, "how will we decide which child is to eventually have this room and which our room? Our room is on its own. The child put there could feel rather excluded, less loved."

"I never thought of that," Kathryn said, considering. "I suppose all we can do is give the room to the more independent child. Or we can ask them both which of the two rooms they would like." She smiled. "They might even think that being in our room makes them more grown up, and therefore both want it. If so, a flip of the coin might have to decide it for us."

Chakotay smiled and Kathryn was just about to bridge the distance between them and wrap her arms around his neck, when she felt a fluttering sensation inside. She gasped and put her hand to her abdomen.

Chakotay anxiously closed the gap between them. "What is it?"

Kathryn looked up at him, her eyes shining. "I felt a movement," she said happily. "Just a flutter."

Joy shone in Chakotay's eyes and he put his hand to her abdomen, his fingers touching hers. "Oh, Kathryn..."

There was another flutter and Kathryn placed her other hand over his. "There it was again..."

She looked up at Chakotay and smiled. "They must have heard us and are already fighting over the rooms."

* * *

Petal, who had spent the afternoon with Naomi, looked around her altered territory in bewilderment when she arrived home. She wandered around the room, sniffing disdainfully at the new corners, and taking in everything that was new. Kathryn watched her in amusement from the couch as Chakotay finished preparing their meal.

"You'll soon get used to it, old girl," she smiled.

When the dog had finished surveying her new surroundings, she wandered over to her mistress and lay in a sulk at her feet. A smaller room was not good at all.

"Someone's not happy," Chakotay said, looking at the dog as he put down a bottle of non-alcoholic wine on the table.

Kathryn looked up at him and smiled. "Just wait until she sees the bedroom." She then lay back against the couch with a sigh. "What we need, Chakotay, is a holiday. Petal's not the only one on board with low morale at the moment. I'd say crew morale is at an all time low. A good dose of shoreleave might raise their spirits." She paused. "This region has a lot of m-class planets, how about we pull out anchor and disembark at the next uninhabited one?"

Chakotay smiled. "Sounds good to me."

* * *

The nearest uninhabited m-class planet was only 20 hours away, and by the following evening, the crew were all happily settled on the planet. Tuvok, and several other Vulcans, had volunteered to stay onboard Voyager to safeguard the ship in the event of the unexpected, and to perform routine maintenance. The planet was very much like Earth, consisting of mountains and oceans and deserts, and offered a variety of climates. Some crew members had decided to take a skiing holiday in the mountains, others had decided to take a beach vacation on hot golden shores, while others had decided on a tropical holiday in wonderfully unspoiled rainforests.

Kathryn and Chakotay wanted something in-between extreme heat and extreme cold, and had decided to make their camp next to a lake at the foot of several mountains. The planet contained a myriad of wildlife, and as Chakotay finished erecting the shelter, Kathryn sat on a rock at the water's edge and watched as alien birds flew overhead, their magnificent wings glittering purple in the sunlight. Naomi had asked if she could look after Petal for a few days and, thinking it would be an adventure for the pair, Kathryn had agreed to it. A soft breeze blew and Kathryn inhaled deeply, perfectly content. The planet was truly a paradise and reminded her so much of New Earth.

At last, the shelter was ready. As Kathryn wandered inside, memories of New Earth once again abounded. The only thing different was the sleeping area. Instead of two single beds separated by a petition, there was one large double bed.

"Gives you a feeling of de ja vu, doesn't it?" Chakotay said, the shelter evidently evoking the same memories for him.

"It certainly does," she smiled.

"All we need now is a monkey."

Kathryn had to laugh at that. "Well, then, perhaps you'd better go into the woods and see if you can find us one."

Chakotay slipped his arms around her from behind and kissed her cheek. "Not a chance of that. This time I want you all to myself."

Kathryn laughed and leant back against him. "I never knew you were so jealous of the monkey."

"I couldn't help it," he smiled. "You spent more time with him than you did with me."

"I suppose it must have seemed that way," she said, breaking away from him so she could look at him. "I was just uncomfortable, you know, about our situation." She lowered her eyes and lowered her voice at the same time. "Even a little scared. You're such a strong man and we were out there completely alone, thinking we would never leave the planet or see another human being again. You could have done anything to me, thinking you would never have to answer for it."

Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "I guessed," he said kindly. "I could tell you were uncomfortable around me, especially at night. That's why I told you how I felt about you. I didn't want you to be uncomfortable, didn't want you to be afraid. I wanted you to know that you were safe, that I would never do anything to hurt you."

Kathryn looked up at him now and brushed her fingers against his cheek. "And it was beautiful, what you said. So many lonely nights afterwards I listened to that legend in my mind and imagined I was back on New Earth with you."

Chakotay took her hand in his, remembering the moment, and remembering the words a different Kathryn, in a different time, had written in her farewell letter to his older self.

"I love you," he whispered, "just incase I haven't told you lately."

Kathryn squeezed his hand and then slipped her arms around his neck. "I love you too, just incase I haven't told you."

Chakotay smiled softly and then slowly, gently, lowered his lips to hers in a tender kiss.

* * *

That night, many members of the crew had gathered together at a campfire, and Kathryn and Chakotay had decided to join them. Kathryn was curious to see how the crew were enjoying themselves and was pleased to find that everyone so far was having a good time. Tom and Harry were busy cooking baked potatoes on the fire, while Arlei was serving everyone drinks. Naomi was sitting next to B'Elanna, gazing adoringly at the baby in her arms, while Samantha had the unenviable task of keeping Petal under control. When the animal saw Kathryn, she barked and began to wag her tail incessantly. Samantha unfastened the leash and the dog ran over to her mistress. Kathryn lifted her up and the creature licked her faced as though she hadn't seen her for weeks.

When everyone had finished eating, Naomi asked Chakotay if he would sing for them all, and not wanting to disappoint her, Chakotay agreed. Naomi sang with him and the harmony of their voices filled the cool air with a sweetness that warmed the hearts of everyone listening.

The only person Kathryn saw who did not seem to be enjoying himself was the Doctor. When everyone began to disband and fall into groups of chatter, Kathryn made her way over to him. He was sitting on a bench alone, his eyes firmly fixed on the ground beneath him.

Kathryn sat beside him. "Everything alright, Doctor?"

"What do my feelings matter, Captain," he said sadly. "I'm just a hologram."

"You know you're so much more than that," Kathryn replied.

"No I'm not," he said quietly. "I'm just mutton dressed as lamb. Pygmalion." Holographic tears welled in his eyes. "You made me more than what I was meant to be and now have confined me to an existence that is a void between two worlds. I'm more than a hologram, but not quite a human."

"You're unique," Kathryn said. "As is everyone. What makes you feel this way about yourself? Has something happened?"

"I'm merely trying to accept my limitations," he answered.

"What limitations?"

"My social limitations," he explained, "my romantic limitations..."

"I see," she said, everything suddenly making sense. "That's the problem. You have unrequited romantic feelings. Am I right?"

The Doctor hesitated, but then nodded.

"And you think the lady in question isn't interested because you're a hologram?"

He nodded again.

"Is that what she told you?"

"Not in words," he replied.

"Then why assume it?"

"Because it's the truth. My holographic limitations mean I can never be a desirable partner. I can never father a child and I can never so much as share a meal with a lady anywhere other than the holodeck. No humanoid woman will ever want me."

"You don't know that, Doctor. Danara Pel liked you, did she not?"

"She was ... she was special."

"And there will be another special lady in time."

He shook his head. "There never will be. And I don't want to live in this void. I want my personality subroutines deleted. I want to return to what I was when I was first activated."

Kathryn put her hand on his shoulder. "You can't keep using that as a way of escaping your problems, Doctor. We've all had feelings for someone who doesn't have feelings for us in return. It's a part of life."

"I can't believe that, Captain. I can't imagine Ayala has ever been rejected by any woman." There was an unmistakable bitterness in his tone.

"Everyone does, Doctor. Why Ayala more than anyone else?"

"Because of the way he looks. I'm sure Chakotay never had any problems attracting the ladies either."

"Looks only make up a small part of who we are, Doctor. What's more important is what we are inside. Sometimes good looks can even be more of a hindrance than a help in forming relationships. People can be attracted for all the wrong reasons. And Ayala doesn't have a partner. Neither did Chakotay have a serious relationship before me."

"Well, Ayala will soon," the Doctor answered. "Seven's in love with him."

"Seven?" Then it all suddenly clicked in place. "Oh, Doctor," she said. "You're in love with Seven." Why hadn't she realized it before? All the signs were right under her nose.

The Doctor looked up at her, shame on his face. "No, I..."

"It's alright, Doctor," she said kindly. "I won't tell anyone. This is strictly between you and me." She looked at the Doctor sadly. "How long have you been feeling this way?"

"A long time. Too long." He paused. "I told her last week that I loved her, thinking it was the right time, but she looked at me as though I'd told her she'd just sprung two heads. She couldn't get away from me fast enough."

"She was probably just uncomfortable, Doctor."

He looked up at her now, infinite pain in his eyes. "I love her so much, Captain. And if I ever doubted I had a heart, I know now that I have one as it hurts in here." He put his hand to his chest. "A greater pain than I have ever known."

Kathryn reached for his hand and took it in hers. "I'm sorry, Doctor. And I'm sorry I've been so blind to your feelings. I had no idea that you felt for her anything more than friendship."

"Neither did she," he said, breaking away from her. "And now I've lost even her friendship as she wants nothing to do with me."

"Like I said, she's probably just uncomfortable. Give her time." She paused. "And are you sure Seven has feelings for Ayala? I didn't even know they were friends."

"They haven't been until recently," the Doctor explained. "He was admiring a cake she had made in the mess hall and Seven invited him to dinner, along with Harry Kim and Arlei. Apparently they got on well and I've seen them together several times since. They've even spent most of the evening in each others company."

"That doesn't mean she's in love with him, Doctor," Kathryn said gently.

"I've seen the way she looks at him," he answered, "and I've seen the way she responds to his presence. Her pupils dilate and her breathing accelerates." He paused. "Let me revert to what I was, Captain. It isn't fair to ask a blackbird to be an eagle."

"And it isn't fair to ask a blackbird to be a snail. We all are what we are, Doctor. We can't change that. I will never be as beautiful as Seven, and I'll never be as emotionally disciplined as Tuvok. We are who we are, and there's no point wishing we were someone different. The love in our lives that matters, the love that is real, is the love that accepts us for who we are. Yes, Chakotay is a very attractive man. But that's not why I love him. I love him for who he is, just like he loves me for who I am. And one day, Doctor, someone will love you for who you are." She paused. "And Seven does love you. Never doubt that. She loves you as a friend and as a mentor. She values your opinion and she respects you. And that kind of love is very special in itself. Don't diminish its value."

The Doctor nodded. "I know I should be grateful," he said. "It just... It just doesn't seem enough..."

"I understand," Kathryn replied.

"And my quarters are wasted on me," he said sadly. "I'm hardly ever there. I spend almost all day and all night in sickbay. And when I do go to my quarters there's so little to do that I deactivate myself. I think someone else should have my quarters. Someone with real biological needs."

"You're just feeling vulnerable and low right now, Doctor. Let's discuss this in a few weeks time and see how you feel then. Agreed?

The Doctor nodded reluctantly and then looked up at Chakotay who was approaching them.

"You were in fine voice tonight, Commander," he said, trying to sound as natural as possible.

Chakotay smiled. "The country air is doing me good."

Kathryn held out her hand to her husband, a gesture for him to help her to her feet, and he immediately obliged.

"You'll have to sing for us on Thursday, Doctor," Chakotay added.

"Perhaps," the Doctor replied, also getting to his feet. "Now, if you'll excuse me, Captain, Commander, I have work to attend to."

"Now, Doctor?" Chakotay questioned.

"A Doctor is always in demand," he said, forcing a smile. "Goodnight, Captain, Commander."

The Doctor left them and Chakotay turned to Kathryn. "Is he alright? He doesn't seem himself."

"He just has some things on his mind," Kathryn said softly. "I'm sure he'll be fine." As she spoke, she saw Ayala talking with Seven in the distance and bit her lip in concern. They did seem very friendly and Seven was standing precariously close to him.

Chakotay put his hand on his wife's shoulder. "I think everyone is retiring for the night. We should be heading back too. It's been a long day."

Kathryn turned her gaze from Seven and Ayala to Chakotay. "You know Ayala pretty well," she said. "Do you think he's responsible when it comes to women?"

"How do you mean?"

"Well, I... I just have reason to believe that Seven may have taken a shine to him. She's never had a relationship and, despite her sometimes cold exterior, is very vulnerable. I don't want him to take advantage of her in anyway."

"Ayala would never do that," Chakotay said kindly. "He's one of the most considerate men I know. In fact, I think he's one of the few men on board who would be able to deal with the many issues she has."

Kathryn smiled, both relieved and inspired by his words. She curled her lip and her eyes shone with anticipation. "Then perhaps you can have a word with him ... get him to ask Seven on a date."

Chakotay laughed softly. "Fancy a new career as a match maker?"

"No, they could just be so good for each other."

"Perhaps," he smiled, "but looking at them, I don't think they are going to need our intervention."

Kathryn turned again to look at them and saw that they were standing even closer, Ayala with his hand on Seven's shoulder. Kathryn smiled contentedly. "Perhaps you're right, Chakotay. Perhaps you're right."

* * *

**FOUR DAYS LATER**

The cool water of the lake was a welcome relief from the heat of the afternoon sun. Kathryn lay on her back and let herself drift with the soft current. Chakotay was hand making a cot for the twins and she had left him to it and decided to take a swim. As she lay on her back, she gazed at white clouds crossing a blue sky above and was completely lost in the serenity.

Suddenly, a rustling sound to her right disturbed her peace and Kathryn turned to look at the lakeside. There was nothing to see but trees and long grass.

"Chakotay?"

Silence.

Then there was more rustling and she heard a branch break. Kathryn swallowed. She and Chakotay had chosen a location that was miles away from panthers they had detected living in the wild, but it was quite possible that one or two had wandered as far as their shelter.

She raised her hand to her brow, shielding her eyes from the sun, and studied the area as intensely as she could. She couldn't see anything on the bank, but that didn't mean there wasn't a panther on the prowl. She had no idea what color the animals were or how well they were able to camouflage themselves. She also knew that being in the water was no defense as panthers could swim.

Suddenly, Kathryn saw something pink amongst the trees. A pink panther? No, that couldn't be... She strained her eyes to look closer and gasped when, for a split second, she saw what appeared to be a naked child in the bushes. Then, who, or whatever, was there, was gone.

* * *

"It was somewhere here," Kathryn said, as she and Chakotay investigated the area half an hour later.

"My tricorder's not picking up any lifesigns except birds," Chakotay replied, scanning the area thoroughly. "Are you sure it wasn't a bird you saw? The sun can be deceiving."

"I saw a face," Kathryn answered. " A child's face. I'm sure of it."

"Well, there's..." Chakotay stopped in mid sentence as his tricorder detected a lifesign. "Wait a minute," he said. "I'm picking up something."

Kathryn moved over to his position and, as she did so, found her tricorder picked up a lifesign aswell.

"500 yards away," she said. "Immature female. Unknown species."

Chakotay looked up at her. "How is that possible? Our sensors found no humanoid lifesigns on this planet."

"I don't know," Kathryn replied. "Perhaps our sensors were unable to detect them for some reason."

"Well," Chakotay replied sadly. "If this planet is occupied, we're going to have to cut short our shoreleave and get the hell out of here."

Kathryn nodded, sharing his disappointment, and then hit her commbadge. "Janeway to Tuvok."

Tuvok responded. "Go ahead, Captain."

"There appears to be a primitive race inhabiting this planet. We're going to have cut short our vacation and return to the ship. Inform the crew."

"At once, Captain."

"And transport everything at our location back to the ship. We don't want to leave anything behind that might..."

She was interrupted by Chakotay. "I'm picking up another lifesign on sensors," he said, "I think it's an animal ... a panther..."

Kathryn turned to her tricorder again and quickly digested the information displayed. "It seems to be moving towards the child." She addressed Tuvok again. "Go ahead with transporting everything at the shelter. I'll be in touch later. Janeway out."

As the connection terminated, Chakotay pulled out his phaser. "The little girl won't stand a chance against a panther," he said. "I'll have to stun it." He put his hand on Kathryn's shoulder. "You stay here."

With that, he disappeared into the thick of the trees.

* * *

After a few minutes of wading quickly through dense woodland, he saw an opening in the trees ahead. On the ground a few yards away, curled up crying, was what appeared to be a little girl, the human equivalent of a five or six year old. Long pink hair fell over what was otherwise a naked body and she was looking directly ahead. Chakotay turned in the direction. There, upon a rock, was a large black panther. The animal was glaring at the child with an unmistakably predatory look in her eyes. With a steady hand, Chakotay aimed his phaser at the animal and fired. Instantly, the panther fell to the ground unconscious.

Chakotay then hurried over to the little girl. She turned sharply to him as he approached and he saw that her eyes were the same shade of pink as her hair. Tears stained her cheeks and her snow white body was painfully thin and covered in bruises. As Chakotay knelt beside her, she backed away from him fearfully.

"It's alright," Chakotay said kindly. "I won't hurt you."

The little girl clumsily tried to get to her feet, but fell again.

Chakotay put his hand on her arm and the child gasped, absolute fear in her eyes.

"I won't hurt you," he said again. "I just want to help."

Gently, he picked the child up and held her carefully in his arms. She was as light as a feather.

"Show me the way to your people," he said kindly. It would be breaking the prime directive to make contact with them, but technically the prime directive was already broken, and what ever the regulations, he couldn't just leave the child in the middle of no where. She was injured and suffering from exposure.

The little girl didn't respond and all he could do was survey the surrounding area. There were marks on the ground ahead of them, suggesting the child had come from that east direction. To walk east would bring them to the foot of the closest mountain. He guessed that her people were cave dwellers, which was perhaps why sensors hadn't detected them.

He began to walk east and was soon amongst high trees again. He walked on a little while and then came to another opening as he reached the foot of a mountain. There were rocks all around, all the same color, all indistinguishable. He looked at the child in his arms and saw that she was looking to the right of the rocks. He began to walk in the direction of her eyes and soon found they were leading to a cave. He approached the cave slowly, not wanting to alarm anyone, and then ventured inside. What he saw there froze him in his tracks.

"My God," he whispered.

The cave seemed to be full of dead bodies. All around were corpses in various stages of decay, many skeletons already.

The little girl wriggled in his arms and he gently lowered her to the ground. Crying, she climbed over the bodies until she found a particular one, and then nestled against it, her head on its chest.

Coming to his senses, Chakotay pulled out his tricorder and measured the lifesigns in the cave. There were four. His, the little girl's, and two others, both female, which were very faint. One came from the body the child was clinging too.

"Chakotay to Voyager," he said, hitting his commbadge.

Tuvok's voice responded. "Go ahead, Commander."

"I have two medical emergencies at my location." He took off his commbadge and fixed it firmly into the woman's hair. "Get a lock on my commbadge and prepare sickbay for a medical emergency. Then transport me another commbadge."

"Yes, Sir"

The connection terminated and seconds later, the woman dematerialized. The little girl cried out and looked up at him in horror. "It's alright," Chakotay said, studying his tricorder to locate the second living alien. "We're going to try and make her better."

Another commbadge materialized and Chakotay picked it up before moving in the direction of the other living body. He found her lying beneath a jagged rock. She was naked too and her body was black with bruises and stale blood. He fixed the commbadge into her hair. "Chakotay to Voyager. Second medical emergency transport."

Within seconds, the woman dematerialized.

Chakotay got up and returned to the little girl. She was lying on the ground, curled into a ball, crying. Chakotay gently stroked her long hair. "It's alright," he said again, desperately wanting to comfort the child somehow, but not knowing how too. "There's no need to be afraid. You're safe now. No one is going to hurt you."

Another commbadge materialized and Chakotay gratefully picked it up. He pinned it to his chest and activated it.

"Chakotay to Janeway."

Kathryn's voice sounded. "What's happening? I've lost you on my tricorder."

"We need to get back to the ship," he answered. "Meet me in transporter room one."

"Acknowledged."

The connection terminated. Chakotay picked up the crying little girl and requested transportation for them both.

* * *

After materializing in transporter room one, Chakotay only had to wait a few seconds for Kathryn to appear.

Kathryn approached him. "What's going on?"

"Computer," Chakotay said, "deactivate translators in this room." He didn't want the child to understand what he was saying.

"Translators deactivated."

"I don't think there are native people of this planet," he began. "Prime directive or no prime directive, I wanted to take the little girl back to her people as she was injured and suffering from exposure. I thought they would be cave dwelling people, but when I reached a cave and went inside, it was full of dead and dying bodies, some skeletons already. I think they were deliberately abandoned there some time over the past few days and left to die. I had the dying transported to sickbay and brought the little girl back with me. " He looked at the child in his arms. "She needs medical attention, but we can't send her to sickbay, not in the state she's in. She might think the Doctor's hurting her people."

Kathryn studied the crying child pitifully. "I'll take her to our quarters and treat her myself," she said. "In the meantime, I want every acre of this planet scanned for humanoid lifesigns, and want an away team sent to the mountain where you found the people to see if there's any more injured or dying people in the caves. I also want this region of space scanned for any trace of an alien vessel in the vicinity or any trace that a vessel has been in the vicinity during the past 96 hours."

Chakotay lowered the child to the floor. "I'll get right to it."

* * *

Kathryn gently stroked the little girl's brow as the child drifted to sleep. The child was so afraid every time she touched her that putting her to sleep was the only way she could treat her. When the little girl was finally unconscious, Kathryn injected her starving body with nourishment, and then began to treat her wounds. There were deep red stripes across her body, indicative of thrashing. Both disgust and anger welled inside Kathryn. How could anyone hurt a child?

"Doctor to Captain Janeway."

Kathryn hit her commbadge. "Janeway here."

"I've lost one of the women, Captain, but I've managed to stabilize the other."

"What's her condition?"

"She was suffering from starvation, dehydration, exposure, and multiple injuries that I believe were deliberately inflicted. Both her legs, and the legs of the other woman, were broken."

Kathryn absorbed this new a moment, then spoke. "Keep me informed of her condition, Doctor, and let me know if she regains consciousness. She may be able to tell us what happened."

"Acknowledged."

* * *

After almost nine hours of searching in vain for more humanoids, the away team returned to Voyager, tired and hungry. As far as they could conclude, and as far as all scans suggested, there were no more living humanoids on the planet. A scan of the surrounding space had shown that a vessel had passed through 58 hours before, but no vessel could be detected now.

Kathryn lay on her bed, her back aching, and tried to forget the events of the day for a moment. There was nothing more they could do until they had more information about what had happened, and the only way they could obtain that was if the woman told them when she woke up. The little girl was in no state to be questioned, and even if they did question her, it was unlikely she would respond. After Kathryn had treated the child, she had taken her to Samantha Wildman, thinking Naomi's company might help put her at ease.

The doors to the bedroom opened, and Petal left her basket as Chakotay entered to greet him. Kathryn sat up.

"Any developments?"

"Nothing," he replied.

Kathryn buried her head in her hands. "Who could do such a thing, Chakotay? Who could torture people and then abandon them on a planet to die? Who could do that to a child?"

"I don't know," Chakotay answered, sitting on the edge of the bed. "A species as brutal as the Kaboli or Cardassians, perhaps."

"It's so barbaric," she said. "Why not just kill them if that was their intention? Why let them die such a painful and horrific death?"

"I don't know," he said again. "Some form of punishment, perhaps. Some kind of ritual."

Kathryn lay back against her pillows. "The child was so frightened, Chakotay. So frightened that I had to sedate her to treat her."

"She was frightened when I first found her too. My heart ached for her." He paused. "Do you know which of the women the Doctor managed to save? The one that was transported first or the second?"

"I don't know," she replied. "Why do you ask?"

"Because when I took the child to the cave, she climbed desperately over the dead bodies to reach one of the women. She lay beside her and clung desperately to her. I've been thinking that maybe that woman was her mother."

Kathryn was just about to speak when the Doctor's voice addressed her over the comm.

"Doctor to Captain Janeway."

Kathryn answered. "Janeway here."

"I'm about to wake up our patient."

"I'll be right there," she answered.

As the connection terminated, Kathryn turned back to Chakotay. "You go and get the little girl and I'll go to sickbay. Give me ten minutes or so to question the woman, and then bring the child. I'm sure they'll both be glad to see each other, even if she isn't the woman the child was close too." She reached for Chakotay's hand and gripped it tightly. "But let's just hope for the little girl's sake she is."

* * *

Kathryn looked down at the alien woman lying on a biobed before her. She was a small woman, but of a large figure, and had the same shade of pink hair as the child. The Doctor put a hypospray to the woman's neck and the woman's eyes slowly fluttered open. As her pretty pink eyes focussed, fear filled them.

"Don't be afraid," Kathryn said gently. "You're safe here."

The woman's mouth moved as she tried to speak. "Vixi ... daughter.."

"She's just fine," Kathryn smiled, a relief consuming her that this was indeed the woman Chakotay was talking about. "She'll be here in a moment. And you're going to be fine too." She then paused. "We found you both on a planet. Can you tell us how you came to be there?"

"We were abandoned," she answered.

"By whom?"

"Our people."

Kathryn gazed at her sadly. "Why would they abandon you?"

The woman made no reply. Kathryn reached for her hand and held it. "You can tell us. We want to help you."

At the kindness in Kathryn's voice and the gentleness of her touch, the woman began to open up. "Because we're imperfect. They wanted to be a perfect race, to have a superior intelligence. They did an experiment ... years ago ... tried to create superior babies. But it went wrong. There was no superior intelligence ... only genetic deficiencies that made us different." She paused. "Hundreds of us were created in our mother's wombs, but when they realized half a generation later that the experiment had failed, they tried to destroy all children and new born babies. I was rescued, taken to a colony with other rescued babies, and lived there for years. I was happy there, and got married to a man like me, had Vixi. But the government found out about our colony and captured us all. They kept us in a prison, treated us badly, and then took people week by week to the planet. We were the last ones. No more after us. They took us to the planet, beat us, and then abandoned us." Tears welled in her eyes."Vixi managed to hide while they beat us ... just a child ... so small... Was so scared for her. Told her to find water, drink water. She did, and brought me some in a leaf. She tried to help the others too ... did everything to help us..."

It was a moment before Kathryn could question further, trying hard to comprehend the inhumanity, and her heart ached for the woman. "Why would they abandon you in such a way? Why make you suffer so much?"

"Because our law says we can't kill..."

"I see," Kathryn answered, understanding her meaning. According to their law, they couldn't directly take a life, couldn't execute in any direct way. So, instead, they severely injured those they wanted rid of, and then left them to die of starvation. The brutality made her want to heave.

The woman closed her eyes, hardly daring to ask the question she knew she had too. "What will you do with us?"

Kathryn squeezed the woman's hand. "Whatever you want," she said kindly. "You're our guests. We can't offer you much, we're thousands of light years away from our home, and all we have is this ship. But you're welcome to stay with us and to share our journey home. There's another little girl about your daughter's age on board, and this ship is as much a home to us all as it is a means of transport. You're welcome to become a part of our family."

The woman opened her eyes and looked into Kathryn's. The gratitude Kathryn saw there brought a lump to her throat.

"Thank you," the woman whispered. "Thank you so much."

Kathryn smiled sadly. "No thanks are necessary." She then let go of the woman's hand. "I'm Kathryn, by the way. Kathryn Janeway. Captain of this ship."

The woman smiled. "I'm Roxa."

Suddenly, sickbay doors opened and Chakotay came in with Vixi. The little girl's dull, empty, eyes, shone with love and filled with happy tears when she saw her mother awake in the bed.

"Mama," she said joyfully.

Her mother turned to her tearfully and sat up as Vixi hurried over to her. As she reached the bed, the woman's sturdy arms reached for the child and lifted her onto the bed. The little girl wrapped her arms around her mother's neck and they held each other tight.

* * *

Soft music played and Kathryn relaxed in a warm soapy bath. The warmth of the water eased the tension in her back and soothed aching muscles in her leg. Suddenly, there was a loud splash and Kathryn gasped as Petal landed on her feet in the bath, splashing bubbles everywhere.

"Oh, Petal," Kathryn cried, half laughing, as she reached for the animal. "You're not supposed to be in here."

She turned to the open doors. "Chakotay, you're letting this animal run riot!"

Moments later Chakotay appeared, his shirt hanging out of his trousers and his sleeves rolled up. "I'm sorry," he said. "I was just putting the cot into the nursery so I can work on it in my spare time." He laughed softly as he made his way over to the bath at the sight of Kathryn holding the dog, bubbles on her cheeks and even more on the dog's nose. "Two baths for one," he smiled. "You're always saying we should economise more."

Kathryn handed him the dog with a smile. "But there's limits to which I will go." She reached for a towel and dried her face. "But I have to take some of the blame. I should have locked the doors."

As she spoke, the door chime sounded.

"And speaking of doors..." Chakotay smiled. "I'll leave you to your bath."

He left the room and the doors shut behind him.

"Come in," Chakotay called, still holding Petal incase she tried to escape to the bathroom again.

The Doctor came in.

Chakotay smiled. "What can I do for you, Doctor?"

"I'd like to speak with the Captain," he replied.

"She's taking a bath at the moment," Chakotay answered, "but I'll tell her you're here."

The bathroom doors opened and Kathryn appeared. She was dressed in a white robe and her hair was wrapped up in a towel. "No need," she smiled, "I'm all done."

"Then I'll leave you to it," Chakotay said, putting Petal to the floor.

As he disappeared into the nursery room, Kathryn gestured to the couch. "Take a seat, Doctor."

The Doctor sat and Kathryn sat opposite him.

"I'd like to discuss the matter we were talking about the other day," he said. "My quarters."

"I see," Kathryn answered, the Doctor's face and tone telling her he hadn't changed his mind.

"Now they're staying on Voyager, Roxa and Vixi are going to need living quarters, and it's only right that they should have mine."

"They will need quarters," Kathryn said, "but I've already spoken to Lieutenant Crowman and he's going to start modifying a dorm for them in the morning."

"Then I'll speak to him and cancel the arrangement," the Doctor answered. "I want them to have my quarters."

"I inderstand your sentiment," she replied, "but I'm not happy with you taking a step backwards on this..."

"It isn't," he continued. "It's taking a step forward. It's recognising me for who I am. My quarters has a bedroom. I don't sleep. My quarters has a bathroom. I don't bathe or need a lavatory. It's wasting quarters that could serve others better."

Kathryn considered this a moment. The Doctor had made good points. "Alright then," she said. "How about we give you a room on the ship instead? A room that will be your own to relax in and do whatever you want?"

The Doctor's holographic eyes lit up. "That would be wonderful, Captain."

Kathryn smiled at his contentment. "There's a storage room next to sickbay. How about we relocate everything in it and give you that?"

"Excellent," the Doctor said, getting to his feet. "A perfect solution. Thank you, Captain."

"Not at all," she replied, getting to her feet. "Thank you."

He smiled. "I'll inform Lieutenant Crowman that he's to modify my quarters for Roxa and Vixi tomorrow instead."

"I'd appreciate that."

He smiled again, the smile on his face greater than the smile in his eyes. "Goodnight, Captain."

"Goodnight, Doctor," she said warmly.

As the Doctor left, Kathryn turned to Petal. She picked the animal up and then looked around the room, a contented smile on her face. The quarters were only glorified bays filled with furniture, but to her, no home had ever been dearer. She could hear Chakotay move around in the nursery and knew that over the next few months he would be spending a lot of time in there. He had so many plans for the room and for their children. The babies inside her moved now, a sensation that was still new and exciting, and Kathryn put her hand to her abdomen. At that moment, everything seemed perfect in her universe. She squeezed Petal affectionately and then held the animal out before her. "If I bring out my knitting needles later and start making a baby coat, will you give me five minutes peace to do it?"

Petal gazed at her adoringly and started licking her face. Kathryn laughed. "We can only give it a try."

She put the animal to the floor and then made her way back to the bathroom to dry her hair.

**END OF CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**


	19. Suppression

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

**SUPPRESSION**

Chakotay sat in the mess hall, enjoying a coffee and a cake break during a rare evening shift. He watched as Roxa moved around the kitchen, whistling to herself as she cleared up for the day. She had made a full recovery from her ordeal and it warmed Chakotay's heart to see her so well and content. As soon as she was up and about, Kathryn had given her and Vixi a tour of the ship, and on learning that there was no one to work in the kitchen on a full time basis since Neelix had left, Roxa had insisted on replacing him. She had no scientific training, but could cook well, so it was an arrangement that suited everyone. She was a very warm and friendly woman and got on well with everyone. She had been a little quiet at first, but her bubbly personality had soon begun to shine through once she felt comfortable. Vixi, however, was another matter. She was very withdrawn and would speak to no one but her mother and Naomi. It was understandable, given all she had been through. It would take her time to trust everyone and to feel safe.

The doors opened and the child came in now with Naomi. Roxa poured them both a glass of water and cut them a slice of chocolate cake. Naomi began to eat her cake straight away, but Vixi carefully cut her cake in half and then carried the plate over to Chakotay. She stood before him and held out the plate.

Chakotay smiled at her. "You eat it all, sweetheart. I have my own."

The little girl's face fell and her mother came hurrying over. "Customs are different here, precious. The Commander doesn't know ours."

Chakotay looked up at the woman. "Explain it to me," he said kindly.

"Well," the woman began. "On Zaylar, if we wanted to honor someone, we would share a favorite food with that person. It was a way of showing someone how much we admire and respect them, sharing with them what was precious to us."

"I see," Chakotay smiled. He then turned to the little girl. "Then I gladly accept the cake." He took the piece of cake and Vixi smiled happily as he ate it.

* * *

The Doctor examined Petal as the animal sat impatiently on a biobed in sickbay.

"She appears to be in fine health," he said, finally stepping away from the creature. "Nothing wrong with her at all."

"Then why is she so small?" Kathryn asked, picking Petal up from the bed. "As part Retriever, she should be at least 30 pounds by now. She's barely half that."

"If she is indeed part Retriever," the Doctor said. "She may well not be. She may be a cross between two smaller dogs."

"She has to be," Kathryn said firmly. "I mean," she said hastily, "the man at the shelter told Chakotay she was part Retriever." She couldn't say that Petal had to be part Retriever because her sister had been so.

"And he may have been mistaken. Petal had been given next to no care at the shelter. The man may just have assumed she was part Retriever because one of the puppies found with her was. They may just have been related. Same breeder, same father, born around the same time, but different mothers."

Kathryn looked at the dog in her arms. "That would make sense, Doctor." She smiled. "She does somewhat have the look of a terrier."

"I doubt she will ever weigh more than 25 pounds, if that. And remember, she suffered severe malnutrition during her first weeks of life. That will have effected her development considerably."

"Well, I'm just glad she's alright," Kathryn smiled. "And if she's naturally smaller, I guess that can only be a bonus. Petunia would have wrecked our quarters by now."

"Petunia?"

Kathryn was about to answer when Ayala's voice sounded over the comm system. "Ayala to sickbay, medical emergency."

Seconds later, an unconscious Seven materialized on a biobed. She was wearing a red evening dress and her long blonde hair was loose over her shoulders. The Doctor hurried over to her and immediately began attending to her.

Kathryn approached the bed, holding Petal tight. "What's wrong with her?"

"Her cortical node is shutting down," the Doctor answered

There was another transport and Ayala appeared. Kathryn turned to him. "What happened?"

"I don't know," he replied. "One minute she was fine, the next she was unconscious."

The Doctor moved around the bed. "She's going into neural shock..."

Kathryn and Ayala watched fearfully as the Doctor worked on Seven. Then, at last, he stepped away, relief abounding. "Her systems are stabilizing. She'll be alright."

Kathryn questioned. "Why did her cortical node begin to shut down?"

"I don't know," he replied. "I will need to run some tests." He glanced at Ayala and then back at Kathryn. "If you'll both excuse me."

"Of course," they replied, almost in unison, both understanding this was their cue to leave.

As they left sickbay, Ayala turned to his Captain. "I honestly don't know what happened," he said, anxiety and concern still evident in his eyes. "I'd never do anything to hurt her. I care about her very much."

Kathryn could see the sincerity in his eyes and put her hand on his shoulder. "I know you do," she smiled. "And whatever the problem is, I'm sure the Doctor will find a way of fixing it."

* * *

Kathryn was fast asleep in their bed when Chakotay finished his shift at 11pm, and he changed quietly, careful not to wake her. As he folded his clothes and placed them on a chair for the morning, he heard Kathryn murmur softly. He turned to the bed and saw her toss in it, her murmuring louder. She was clearly having another nightmare. She'd been having a lot lately. She tossed more violently now and her breathing became shallow. Then she cried out, sitting up, and waking up, as she did so. She clutched the covers to her chest and wept softly. Chakotay climbed onto the bed and wrapped his arm around her. "Kathryn..."

She leant against him, not having been aware of his presence, but glad of it, and Chakotay cradled her in his arms. "Tell me what you're dreaming, love," he said softly. "This is your fourth nightmare now in as many days. Tell me what it is..."

"I'm lost in darkness," she said slowly. "Absolute darkness. I can't see anything, nothing but blackness. But I can hear people. They're crying, moaning, screaming ... always screaming... I run, try to find a way out, but I can't see anything, keep falling ... hands that I can't see grab me, hurt me ... so much pain. I keep trying to get away from them ... keep running. I see light... just a flicker. And I run to it ... thinking it will lead to an escape... but when I get to it, it's only a candle ... burning it's last ... And all I find there is a dead bleeding baby boy..." She looked up at her husband. "It's always the same, Chakotay. Always the same."

"Repetitive dreams often symbolize something in our lives that is troubling us," he said kindly, " something we might not even be aware of." He paused. "Are you worried about the babies?"

"No," she replied. "At least I don't think so..."

"It may be a subconscious fear ... one that only surfaces in your dreams..."

Kathryn looked up at him. "What if it's a premonition, Chakotay? What if something's going to happen to our son?" She couldn't help sometimes wonder about the future she had seen and the words of Leonardo Da Vinci about how knowledge can shift the sands of time. What if, in this altered state of existence, her baby boy was to die instead?"

Chakotay brushed her hair away from her face. "That's unlikely, my love. Dreams are rarely a window into the future, only a door to the present and to the past." He took her trembling hand in his. "We've been through a lot over the past few months. And what happened to Roxa and Vixi is probably still on your mind."

"You're probably right," Kathryn said.

"Often, things that we suppress in the waking hours haunt our dreams. I had terrible nightmares after my family was killed. I would be back on my homeworld, laughing and singing with my family ... with Rennay ... and then all of a sudden they'd be gone... our home nothing but charred remains and their dead bodies scattered before me." He paused. "I had that dream over and over. It was rarely different."

"When did it stop?"

"When I joined the Maquis. I still had nightmares, but not that one any more. I suppose because I felt I was doing something to avenge their deaths."

Kathryn whispered. "How can I stop mine?"

"Perhaps just talking about it like this will help. Talking about our fears or our worries often helps to release their power over us."

Kathryn nodded and then nestled against him. She could only hope that he was right.

* * *

Seven was baking a cake for the mess hall when Kathryn arrived at her quarters the following afternoon.

"I gave you the day off so that you can rest," Kathryn said, half seriously, half jesting.

"And as I recall," Seven answered, "I did not wish to have a day off. You insisted upon it."

Kathryn didn't argue, she just walked over to the former drone and peeped into the bowl of mixture she was stirring. "What cake are you making?"

"A ginger cake."

"Mmmm. Ginger cake. I can't wait to have a slice. I haven't had ginger cake for years. My Aunt Martha would always make the most wonderful ones."

"Then mine will surely not live up to expectation," Seven said, her tone sarcastic and rather bitter.

Kathryn took a deep breath. It was clear that something was troubling her prodigy. "Alright, Seven. Tell me what's wrong."

"There is nothing wrong. I was merely stating a fact. My cake will not compare to the excellency of your Aunt Martha's."

"I wasn't making a comparison," Kathryn answered. "I was just making a comment."

"Then I apologize."

Seven's hand turned the mixture in the bowl faster and faster as she tried to contain her frustration.

"I know something's wrong," Kathryn said. "Tell me what it is. I can't help otherwise."

"I do not need your help."

"We all need help sometimes, Seven," she said. "Or at least a friend to talk too. And we're friends, are we not?"

Seven looked up at her at this and, for a brief moment, Kathryn saw tears well in her eyes. Then Seven put down her bowl and whisk.

"The Doctor says the reason my cortical node began to shut down is because of a failsafe device that shuts it down when I reach a certain level of emotional intensity. It has lay dormant until now."

"I see," Kathryn said quietly.

"He says there may be a way of removing the device, but it would entail multiple surgeries and the outcome would not be certain."

"I'm sorry," Kathryn said sadly.

"All I can do is remain as I was. Emotionally unattached and independent. To do otherwise could be fatal."

Kathryn walked over to Seven now and lay a gentle hand on her shoulder. "What did the Doctor say about surgery? Did he recommend or discourage it?"

"He recommended it."

"Then you should consider it," Kathryn said kindly. "The Doctor cares for you very much and wouldn't recommend it if he didn't think it would be in your best interest."

"I wanted to have it," Seven continued. "So that Ayala and I can..." She paused and averted her eyes in embarrassment.

Kathryn helped her out. "So that you can be intimate?"

Seven nodded. She then looked up at her Captain and friend again. "But Ayala doesn't think I should. He says the surgery would be too much of a risk and I shouldn't risk it for him."

"If the risks were great, I'm sure the Doctor wouldn't recommend it," Kathryn said. "And it wouldn't be for Ayala. It would be for you." Kathryn moved her hand to Seven's cheek. "This failsafe device may activate anytime, anywhere. Unless we are a Vulcan, emotions are not something we can easily suppress. And even if you don't show it, I know that you feel things deeply. I understand Ayala's concerns, but I think that you should have the surgery. I think it would be beneficial for you in the long term, even if it does inconvenience you in the short term."

A ghost of a smile crossed Seven's face. "I will inform the Doctor that I wish to have the failsafe device removed."

* * *

It was quiet on the bridge when Kathryn arrived there. Only a handful of people were present and Tuvok was in command, sitting in Chakotay's chair. Kathryn went over to her chair and sat down.

"Neelix was right about this area of space," she said, making herself comfortable. "We haven't come into contact with a hostile species yet. Maybe traveling through adjacent area to the Borg isn't so bad after all." She paused. "Maybe we should try and make contact with a post-warp society. Neelix said most of them in this region are friendly. They may have information or technology that could help us."

"Possibly," Tuvok answered. "But most of the species in this region appear to be pre-warp. I doubt that an advanced civilization would choose to live so close to Borg space."

"That's a good point," Kathryn answered. "But still I think it would be good to make contact with at least one species in this region."

Tuvok spoke, but Kathryn was deaf to his words as involuntary and intrusive images and words filled her mind:

_"I won't consider it, Mark. I'm having this baby..."_

_"It's not a baby," he cried. "It's a damn parasite..."_

_"How can you say that?"_

_"Because it's the truth!"_

Then the images and the sounds were gone. All she could see was a blank viewscreen before her, and all she could hear was Tuvok's voice.

"It may present us with unforeseen advantages."

Kathryn turned to him slowly, her face pale and her body trembling. "I'm sorry?"

"I said making contact with a species in this region could have unforeseen advantages..."

His words drifted again as more images and sounds filled Kathryn's mind.

_"If you won't support me, I'll do this alone..._

_"I can't, Kathryn. I'm sorry..."_

_"Then it's over between us."_

_A bright light then blinded her. Faces. So many faces. All moving... so many images ... so many sensations ... Pain. A terrible pain. A baby. She was holding a baby. A different pain now. A pain in the heart. The baby was dead._

"No," Kathryn cried out. "No..."

The images faded. All was quiet. She was once more on the bridge, Tuvok standing beside her. She buried her head in her hands, visibly shaken.

Hesitantly, Tuvok lay a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Captain, what is wrong?"

Kathryn didn't answer. She just tried to calm herself, tried to regulate her breathing.

"Captain?"

At last she looked up at him and the Vulcan saw infinite pain in her eyes. "Excuse me," she said quietly.

With that, she got up and hurried from the bridge to her ready room.

* * *

Inside her ready room, Kathryn leant against the rail dividing the room and tried to compose herself.

_"I won't consider it, Mark. I'm having this baby..."_

The words kept replaying over and over in her mind and Kathryn wanted to cry, helpless to suppress them, and frightened at their intensity.

The door to the room opened and Tuvok came in. He walked over to Kathryn. "Forgive the intrusion, Captain. But something is quite clearly troubling you."

Kathryn turned to him. "I'm seeing things in my mind, Tuvok ... hearing things..."

"What kind of things?"

"I don't know... like memories ... Mark's voice... my own. I see him... A baby ... But it never happened, Tuvok ... Nothing like that ever happened..."

Tuvok considered and then spoke. "There are several possibilities, Captain. Firstly, you may be recalling events that you have suppressed. Secondly, you may be recalling events that have been deliberately suppressed. Or thirdly, you may be suffering from some form of alien mind intrusion. It would be wise to consult the Doctor."

"I'll go right away," Kathryn said quietly. She then looked up at Tuvok. "Please... don't mention anything to Chakotay. I don't want him to worry."

"You have my word, Captain."

* * *

Kathryn sat in the Doctor's office and tried her best to explain to him what had been happening to her.

"It started with a dream," she began. "I was in a tunnel... a dark tunnel. There would be people crying, moaning. Terrible sounds. I would be running, trying to find a way out. But there wasn't a way. I was trapped. Then I'd see a light. I would make my way to it, thinking it was an escape, but it would turn out to be just the light of a dying candle. And beside it I'd see a baby, a dead baby boy covered in blood. I've had the dream several times now and always it's the same.." She paused. "Then, when I was on the bridge just now, I had what I can only describe as like flashbacks. I was with Mark. We were arguing. It was over a baby. I was... I was having a baby. At least I think that's what was happening. Then I was somewhere else. A hospital. I was in pain... like giving birth. I was holding a baby. And I was crying because he was dead." She paused again. "But those things never happened, Doctor."

There was a sadness in the Doctor's eyes as he looked at her, and then he leant forward, preparing to speak.

"They did, Captain," he said gently. "Ten years ago you gave birth to a child."

Kathryn's eyes widened and she stared at him in horror. "No, that can't be..."

"It's the truth, Captain."

"No," she said, getting to her feet. "This is all an illusion ... alien induced... It isn't true."

The Doctor got up and went over to her. "Come sit, Captain. Let me explain..."

Kathryn turned to him. "I never had a child, Doctor. I never. I would remember ... Why wouldn't I remember?"

"Come sit, Captain," he said again.

"No," she answered. "Just answer me. Why wouldn't I remember?"

"Because nine years ago those memories were suppressed by your doctors."

Kathryn flinched. "Why? Why would they do that?"

The Doctor was a moment giving the answer. "Because you tried to take your own life."

Kathryn stared at him and then shook her head. "I don't believe it," she cried. "I really don't believe it..."

"It's all in your medical files, Captain. A few weeks after..."

"If it's true," Kathryn interrupted, "where is my baby? Where is my child?"

Again the Doctor hesitated with his answer. "He died," he said quietly. "He had a rare cardiovascular condition that sometimes effects Human-Cardassian babies."

Kathryn turned white now. "Are you ... are you saying my child was Cardassian?"

The Doctor nodded. "I don't have to tell you how that happened."

Kathryn was so pale that the Doctor was afraid she would faint. He pulled out the chair and then put his hand on her shoulder. "Sit, Captain. Please."

Almost mechanically, Kathryn sat in the chair. The Doctor pulled out another chair and sat beside her.

"It was a difficult pregnancy. You were in hospital from the fifth month onwards to try and save the baby's life. But it was all in vain. He died soon after birth. A few weeks later, you were seriously injured during a mission to rescue several Vulcans from a demon class planet. It was believed your injuries were," he paused, "self inflicted ... that you had deliberately put your life in danger in an attempt to end it. There were concerns about how much you had suffered since being captured by the Cardassians, how much you had changed, and especially how the death of your baby had affected you. The consensus was that you were not coping with what had happened, and were a danger to yourself. So, the doctors, together with your mother and sister, decided that suppressing certain memories would be in your best interest. Erasing the memories would not have been ethical without your consent, but involuntary suppression of memories is permitted if it's believed they are in the best interest of the patient. To suppress all memories of your sufferings at the hands of the Cardassians would have left too many voids in your life, so the doctors suppressed only memories of your pregnancy and birth, the events that were believed to be the cause of your depression. Those memories could easily be restored when you were in a better frame of mind to deal with them." He paused. "Your pregnancy is probably triggering recollection. I was careful not to reawaken those memories when I operated on you after Quarren."

The Doctor waited for Kathryn to speak, but she just sat quietly, staring ahead. Then she turned to him slowly. "Mom and Phoebe would never have done that," she said quietly. "They'd never have agreed to have a part of my life taken away like that..."

"Everyone concerned thought it was for the best. The doctors would not have been able to proceed without the consent of your next of kin."

"No," she answered, shaking her head. "They'd never do it. They wouldn't..." She stood up, visibly trembling. "This isn't real, Doctor. Isn't real..."

With that she left the room. The Doctor called after her, but she had gone.

* * *

Alone in her quarters, Kathryn wept painfully upon her couch. She couldn't believe she had borne a child, she just couldn't. And yet ... and yet it all seemed to make sense too. Seemed to explain gaps in her life. She could vaguely remember going on a mission to a demon class planet to rescue some Vulcans, and the next thing she could remember was waking up in hospital, her mother beside her. She was told she'd been seriously injured, been in hospital for months.

She had never questioned that, had believed it, and never questioned those missing months of her life. There hadn't been a need. Everything was neatly chronological. She could remember everything that happened with the Cardassians, could remember how she felt afterwards, and the blur surrounding later events she had put down to the severe injuries she was told she had suffered. Mark had come to see her at the hospital and their relationship had continued like before, although with a distance between them that she had put down to what had happened with the Cardassians. A few weeks later, that distance caused them to separate and it was over a year before they got back together, just around the time she was promoted to Captain and given command of the Bonestell. Now, everything the Doctor had said seemed to fit like pieces in a jigsaw. But she couldn't accept it. She didn't want to.

Petal watched her mistress cry, her brown puppy eyes heavy with concern. She then jumped on the couch and gently lay a paw on Kathryn's arm and began to lick her face tenderly. Kathryn turned to the animal and buried her face in the animal's soft fur as she gathered her close.

Not long after, the doors to the quarters opened and Chakotay came in, having being contacted by the Doctor and told he should find his wife. Chakotay had questioned, but the Doctor would tell him nothing. Anxiously, Chakotay asked the computer to locate Kathryn and hurried to their quarters when the computer located her there.

Kathryn put Petal down when she saw him and looked up at him. The pain Chakotay saw in her eyes knifed his heart.

"The Doctor said I should find you," he said quietly. "What is it? Is it the babies?"

Kathryn shook her head. "No... they're fine ... just fine."

Chakotay bridged the gap between them and sat beside her "Then what it is?"

"The dreams," she began quietly. "The baby... The Doctor says that I..." She paused, her voice falling. "The Doctor says that I... that I had a baby."

Chakotay frowned. "I don't understand."

"Ten years ago," she replied. "A Cardassian baby..."

"Oh, Kathryn..." he said as understanding dawned on him. As a result of what the Cardassians had done to her, she had conceived a child.

"He says my memories were suppressed because I tried to kill myself on a mission to save some Vulcans... that they're resurfacing now... But I don't believe it, Chakotay. I can't."

Chakotay put his hand on her arm. "What do you remember... or think you remember?"

"Arguing with Mark," she said quietly, "telling him I'm keeping the baby ... him saying he doesn't want me too. I can remember being in hospital ... giving birth. I can remember holding a baby and crying because he was dead. But that's all. Not like Quarren."

"How do you mean?"

"Then the memories came back quickly ... gave an answer almost straight away to a question. It's more like when I was remembering what had happened to Daddy and Justin. Just random pictures."

"It was that way for me when I lost my memory," Chakotay said. "I would see pictures in my mind, hear voices, but they would be disconnected ... didn't form a whole... and yet part of a whole..."

"Exactly how it is," she replied. "It fills in voids in my life ... and yet not completely... Mom said I'd been injured on a mission ... in hospital for months..." She paused. "I believed her, accepted it. But according to the Doctor, I was in hospital from the fifth month of pregnancy to try and save my baby's life..." She paused. "I just can't believe that Mom and Phoebe, and even Mark, would lie to me, that they'd agree to suppress my memories of it..."

"They all loved you, Kathryn. If they thought it was for the best, they would have kept silent."

"But to take a part of my life away..." she turned away from him and stared vacantly ahead. "I want it back, Chakotay. I want all those memories back..."

"I understand," Chakotay said. "But are you sure you can deal with those memories right now? Perhaps it's best if the Doctor suppresses them again for the moment. We have the babies to think of... "

"I can deal with them," Kathryn said getting to her feet. "I don't care what the Doctor says or what anyone thought. I know that I was coping with what had happened to me!"

"You only know what you remember," Chakotay said kindly. "You'd been through a terrible, horrific, experience. And then to find out you'd conceived a child in such a violent way..."

"I was coping," Kathryn cried. "And I remember enough to know I was coping with the baby..."

Chakotay got to his feet now. "But evidently not coping well enough for those closest to you to take such an extreme measure... You can't know what you were feeling when you only have pieces of the jigsaw..."

"I know I would never have tried to take my own life when I was assigned to a mission to save others! And I know how I felt when the Cardassians were doing all those things to me. They could do what they liked to my body but I wouldn't let them destroy my spirit. I promised myself that. And I kept that promise, even though it was hell!" She paused. "I want the truth. I want those memories back."

Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "Then we'll speak to the Doctor ... see if there's a way." He hesitated. "But I have to ask you to promise me one thing..."

"What's that?"

"That if I think you're not coping with these memories afterwards, that they threaten your health or the babies in anyway, I have your consent to have those memories suppressed again ... at least until Silvie and Stevie are born..."

Kathryn hesitated, but then nodded.

"Promise?"

Kathryn took his hand in hers. "I promise."

* * *

"Captain," the Doctor said as she arrived at sickbay with Chakotay. "I'm glad to see you. I've been concerned..."

"And so you should have been," she said coolly.

The Doctor flinched at her coldness. "Captain, I..."

"I don't want to hear it," she said. "I'm disappointed, Doctor. I'm disappointed and I'm hurt. You've clearly known about this for years and yet not once did you think of mentioning it to me. Not once did you ask if I wanted those memories back. Not even after everything that happened with Harry Kim and Jetal. Yet you condemned me for altering your memories without your consent..."

"This was different, Captain..."

She shook her head. "You're a hypocrite, Doctor. There's no other word."

"The situations were different," he tried to explain. "Your doctors and your next of kin had all agreed that those memories should be suppressed. It wasn't my place to question their judgment."

"But your place to question mine when B'Elanna and I both agreed that yours should be suppressed? You wanted yours back but never once considered I might want mine? And when I realized how wrong I had been to wipe away your memories of your past, no matter how well intentioned my motives had been, I did everything I could to help you cope with those memories."

The Doctor lowered his eyes. "I'm sorry, Captain. I thought silence was for the best."

Kathryn was untouched. "If surgery involves no risk to the babies, I want to have my memories restored."

The Doctor looked up at her now. "There would be no risk to the babies, Captain. It's a simple procedure."

"Then I want it now."

The Doctor hesitated, looked at Chakotay, but saw that he would find no support from him.

"Very well, Captain," he said at last. "Let us proceed."

* * *

Chakotay waited in their quarters with Petal as Kathryn underwent the operation. The animal was quieter than usual as she knew that something was wrong. She had curled herself up on the couch, out of her master's way as he moved around the room in an agitated temper.

"Coffee, black," Chakotay demanded of the replicator.

Instead of coffee, a bag of toffee materialized.

"Dammit," Chakotay cried and threw the bag across the room. It hit the wall and slid to the floor. Chakotay then took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. He had managed to contain his anger in front of Kathryn, and would continue to do so, but every time he thought about what the Cardassians had done to her, he was so damned angry.

The doors to the quarters opened and Chakotay turned around as Kathryn entered. She looked pale, and drawn, but there was a peace in her eyes now that hadn't been there earlier.

"I remember it all," she said softly. She then held out a picture he hadn't noticed she was holding in her hand. "This is him," she said. "This is my son, Oliver. The picture was in my medical file."

Chakotay wandered over to her and slowly took the picture. As he looked at his, his eyes fell upon a beautiful little baby boy with fluffy red hair, wrapped in a white blanket.

"He was my baby, Chakotay. I never thought of him as Cardassian. Never. He was my baby, and I loved him. He was something good to have come out of something so bad." She paused. "I didn't realize I was pregnant until the fourth month. So much had happened, I'd been through so much, and I just wasn't paying attention to my body. Mark wanted me to donate the baby to someone else, but I wanted to keep him. It wasn't his fault what his father was, whoever his father was. He was an innocent baby, an innocent life that needed protecting. Mark didn't understand that. I wanted him to say he was the father ... planned on having fetal cosmetic surgery to make Oliver look human, you see, didn't want anyone to know or suspect he was half Cardassian or how he had been conceived... But Mark said he wouldn't, said he didn't want anything to do with the baby."

She took the picture back from Chakotay and gazed at it as she spoke.

"So we split up and I went ahead with the operation. It was during it that the doctors discovered that he was suffering from a rare condition that sometimes effects Human-Cardassian babies. They said his chances of survival were not good. The only way I could hope to save him was to go into hospital so they could monitor him day and night. So that's what I did. I spent most of the next three months in bed and hardly saw anyone. Only Mom, Phoebe, Mark, my friend Abigail, and Admiral Paris knew I was pregnant. I suppose that made it easier for them to cover it up after my memories were suppressed. All they had to do was say I had been in hospital for months after an accident. Problem solved. My son's existence never had to be acknowledged. " She paused. "I would talk to him, Chakotay. I would tell him how much I loved him, how much I wanted him. And I would feel him move inside me. In the eighth month, I went into labor. Oliver was terribly weak now and the doctors said it was unlikely he would survive birth. But again he defied them. He came out very much alive, even cried, and lived long enough for me to hold him in my arms and tell him that I loved him." A tear ran down her cheek. "He was so beautiful, Chakotay. So tiny. And even though was so weak, so sick, he held my little finger when I placed it in his hand. He held it so tight. He was still holding it when he died."

Chakotay gazed at Kathryn sadly and he lay a kind hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry," he said. "So sorry." Words just seemed inadequate. And so to would words have been inadequate to describe how he felt. Kathryn constantly amazed him with her strength, her compassion and her selflessness. And it constantly amazed him how deep his love for this woman was. It was a bottomless well. For every time he thought it would be impossible to love her more, he found that he did.

"We had a little memorial service for him, just me, Mom and Phoebe, and afterwards we scattered his ashes in grounds near our home." She paused. "Now I know why there was such a distance between Mark and I afterwards. I thought it was just because of what had happened, but obviously this lay between us too. I could never have gone back to him after everything that had happened, how he didn't support me when I needed his support more than ever, and deep inside he must have known that." She paused again. "And they were wrong, so wrong. I didn't try to kill myself. I don't remember much of what happened on that planet, but I had got lost somehow, separated from the others, and I fell... I remember that... falling ... just falling...

She touched the baby's face tenderly. "Phoebe took this picture while I held him in my arms."

Chakotay caressed her arm softly. "How about we frame it and put it up with the others?"

Kathryn looked up at him and smiled softly. "I'd like that."

* * *

**TWO DAYS LATER**

"There is a species only four light years away that may be worth contacting," Tuvok said as he and Kathryn drank together in the mess hall. "Scans of their vessels suggest their technology is superior to ours. Voyager may be able to benefit from their technology in someway."

As he spoke, Roxa put a plate of pancakes on the table before Kathryn.

"Then we'll try and establish contact," Kathryn replied. "We could also do with a more accurate map of this region than the one Neelix supplied us with. Perhaps these people will have one."

Roxa clumsily dropped Kathryn's knife and fork onto the table. "I'm sorry, Captain," she said, clearly upset, "I'm so sorry."

Kathryn put her hand on the woman's arm. "It's alright. Don't upset yourself."

The woman looked at Kathryn with a desperation in her eyes. "Please don't contact those people, Captain. They'll capture Vixi and I again if you do..."

Kathryn glanced at Tuvok and then back at the woman. "Sit down, Roxa. Tell us more."

The woman sat in a vacant chair beside her. "The only species more advanced than you in this region of space is the Voril. They have to be who you mean. They are in alliance with our people and citizens of our world can travel freely to theirs. Someone will surely recognize us as Karik ... the experimented ones. They will capture us and take us back to the planet to die..."

Kathryn took the woman's hand in hers. "Then we won't make contact. You and Vixi are part of our crew now. We'll protect you the same as we would any other member."

The woman smiled now and squeezed Kathryn's hand. "Thank you, Captain."

Kathryn squeezed her hand in return and then let it go. She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to Seven of..." She stopped as she saw that Seven was talking in the distance with Icheb, a glass of water in her hands.

"Excuse me a moment," she said to her companions and made her way over to Seven.

"Just the person I wanted to see," she said as she approached the former drone.

Seven turned to her. "What may I do for you, Captain?"

"I'd like you to plot us a course that diverts away from this inhabited planet we are approaching. And any other inhabited planet in this region. I don't want anyone to detect Roxa and Vixi."

"Understood, Captain. I will plot us a new course immediately."

She put down her drink and made to leave. As she did so, Kathryn caught her arm. "Finish your drink first."

Seven reluctantly took up her glass again.

"I've been thinking," Kathryn continued. "It might be an idea for you to move into a spare room in our quarters while you recuperate from the surgery." Seven was scheduled to have her first operation in two days time.

"I appreciate the offer," Seven said sincerely, "but it is unnecessary. The Doctor believes he may, with some research, be able to perfect a way of removing the failsafe device in one operation. The position and nature of the device is not as severe as he first believed. He says that recovery should then be a matter of hours rather than weeks."

Kathryn smiled warmly. "That's wonderful, Seven. Truly wonderful."

Tuvok then approached them, followed by Roxa who was making her way back to the kitchen.

"I must return to the bridge, Captain," he said. "I am already 1.54 minutes late for my shift."

Kathryn tried to hide her smile. "Then you'd better get going, Tuvok."

He gave a nod and left the room.

"I too should attend to the task at hand," Seven said, having just consumed the rest of her drink. "I can take further nourishment later."

"If you insist, Seven," Kathryn smiled, and then watched as Seven followed Tuvok out of the room.

Now alone, Kathryn wandered back to her seat and began to tuck into her cooling pancakes.

Just as she was finishing the last pancake, Chakotay entered the room. He smiled when he saw his wife and, after giving a food order to Roxa, made his way over to her. He sat where Tuvok had been seated and looked at the almost empty plate of pancakes. "Hungry?"

"Not me," she smiled. "Silvie and Stevie. They're quite demanding."

"And those pancakes look delicious," he said. "I should have had some instead of scrambled egg."

"Well," Kathryn said, looking behind him, "it looks like you might get your wish."

Chakotay turned around and saw that Vixi was approaching him. She was carrying a plate in her hands, a pancake upon it.

The child smiled at him and held out her plate as soon as she reached him. The pancake was neatly cut in half and he knew that the child wanted him to take it. He really didn't want to take her little food, but neither did he want to disappoint her, so he ended up reaching for the offered slice of pancake. As he thanked her and popped it into his mouth, the little girl smiled, and then hurried back to the table she was sharing with Naomi.

"I really wish she wouldn't keep bringing me her food," Chakotay said, turning back to Kathryn. The child had brought him half a cake, a donut, bread roll, brownie and chocolate bar over the past week alone. "I hate to take her food from her. She's such a thin little thing and needs it herself."

"I wouldn't worry on that score," Kathryn smiled. "I'm sure Roxa well compensates for what the child gives you."

"Maybe I should speak to Roxa, tell her I really don't want the child's food..."

Kathryn reached for Chakotay's hand. She could see in his eyes that this was greatly troubling him.

"It's good that she trusts you, Chakotay. When Tom tried to talk to her, she ran into the kitchen and hid behind her mother. She says nothing to anyone else either, and seems especially afraid of men. If we stopped her bringing food to you, it would only hurt her and make her more withdrawn."

"I never thought of that," Chakotay answered.

"You're her hero," Kathryn smiled. "You rescued her and her mother from the planet."

A lump gathered in Chakotay's throat and he turned to look at the precious child. She was busy pouring syrup on her pancake and listening to Naomi chatting away.

"And you're my hero too," Kathryn whispered.

Chakotay turned back to her at that and Kathryn squeezed his hand with a smile before getting to her feet and returning to duty.

**END OF CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**


	20. Pursuit

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

**PURSUIT**

A silver moon shone over silhouetted mountains, gleaming like a pearl against navy velvet. Beneath it, in warm light that emanated from two log cabin windows, Chakotay was busy putting the final touches to a picnic table he was preparing. The wooden table was covered in a white cloth edged with lace, and upon it were two silver candles, a slim crystal vase containing a single red rose, a bottle of synthesol champagne, two crystal wine glasses, and two places were carefully set. He himself was dressed in fawn trousers and a short sleeved black shirt that gave him both a formal and yet informal appearance.

Just as he finished putting out the napkins, Kathryn emerged from the cabin. Chakotay looked up and gazed at his wife as she stood before him. She looked beautiful, dressed in a gown of sparkling black velvet, but all his attention was on her hair. It was jet black and cut very short, shorter even than his.

"Your hair," he exclaimed.

"You know me," she smiled. "I can't abide the same style for long." She turned her head to the side slightly. "Like it?"

Chakotay couldn't help smile. "Well it's... different."

Kathryn sighed with a smile. "You don't like it."

"I do," he answered. "I just... It's the color..."

"Too dark?"

"No, I just like your natural color."

Kathryn laughed softly. "You've never seen my natural color, Chakotay."

He frowned. "I haven't?"

Kathryn shook her head. "Orange as carrots. I've always ... toned it down a little." She walked over to the table and smiled as she gazed at it.

"This looks wonderful, Chakotay..."

"All especially for you, Madam," he said, pulling out a chair. "Please, sit."

Kathryn sat down and Chakotay opened the bottle of champagne and poured her a glass full and then one for himself.

"Dinner will soon be served."

Kathryn looked up at him. "What are we having?"

He smiled. "You'll have to wait and see."

Kathryn gazed at the mountains before her and sighed contentedly. "It's so beautiful here, Chakotay. When we return to earth, we'll have to live in the mountains. Somewhere like Vermont."

"The holodeck has temperature controls," he smiled. "Vermont does not."

"Good point," Kathryn replied. "But it would still be so nice, Chakotay, living in such a natural environment. Good for the children too."

He nodded and couldn't help feel a twinge of sadness at the talk of home. He knew Kathryn felt it too as she looked away from him. They were still over 40,000 light years from home and even at maximum speed it could take them at least another 40 years.

Chakotay sat opposite his wife and pulled out a little box from a deep trouser pocket. He handed it to her.

"Happy Anniversary."

Kathryn took the gift with a thank you and then opened the box. Inside was a beautiful old fashioned paper weight. Inside the clear glass was a paper Lili set with a sparkling emerald, entwined with a paper Calendula set with an opal.

"Our birth stones and flowers entwined," she whispered. "How lovely."

Chakotay smiled. Kathryn then reached into a subtle pocket in her gown and pulled out a small red velvet bag. She handed it to Chakotay. "Happy Anniversary to you."

Chakotay opened the bag and pulled out a gold ring. It was beautifully engraved all over with an intricate leaf design and in the center, encased in clear glass, was a white paper heart against a black backdrop.

"It's beautiful," he smiled. "Thank you."

He was about to put the ring on the third finger of his right hand when Kathryn stopped him.

"Allow me," she said.

Chakotay gave her the ring and she carefully slipped it onto his finger. As she did so, the clear glass covering the heart changed to black, hiding it from public view. Then she looked up at him and caught her breath at the way he was looking at her. There was so much love in his eyes.

"This past year," he said, taking her hand in his. "It's been the most incredible of my life."

Kathryn smiled and squeezed his hand. "Mine too."

"I'm so in love with you," he said, gazing into her eyes.

Kathryn gazed at him in return, her eyes sparkling. "Even though I'm almost as big as a whale already?"

"You've never looked more beautiful," he answered. "Even with that hairstyle."

Kathryn laughed. "You really don't like it, do you?"

"Like I said, it's just not your color." He paused. "But I'm sure I'd love your natural color."

Kathryn squeezed his hand. "Then I'll just have to pay another visit to the holo-salon so you can see it." She smiled. "But I'm warning you. Tangerines."

Chakotay laughed softly. "I've always found them quite delicious."

* * *

Morning sun streamed into the cabin bedroom through slits in the curtains. Kathryn lay against soft pillows and stroked Chakotay's hair as he lay next to her, his head beside her bump, resting on a pillow. He was talking to Silvie and Stevie, telling them one of many ancient stories that had passed down his tribe over generations. Kathryn listened attentively to the tale of a boy who could transform himself into an eagle and a girl who could change into a swan.

Suddenly, Tuvok's voice disturbed their solitude.

"Tuvok to Captain Janeway."

Kathryn answered. "Janeway here."

"You are required on the bridge."

Kathryn looked regretfully at Chakotay who was now looking down at her. "What's the problem?"

"We are being hailed by the Lari."

The Lari were Roxa and Vixi's people.

Kathryn didn't hesitate with her response. "I'll be right there. Janeway out."

As the connection terminated, she addressed Chakotay. "You'd better come too. We could be in for a fight."

* * *

The bridge was quiet when Kathryn and Chakotay arrived there, and Tom was sitting idly at his seat. He beamed a boyish smile when he caught a glance of Kathryn's hair.

"You're looking rather singed, Captain. Chakotay set you alight with flames of passion?"

Kathryn fixed on him her death glare, but there was an unmistakable twinkle in her eyes. "This is no time for clever comments on my hair, Mr Paris." She turned to Tuvok. "Mr Tuvok, acknowledge incoming hail and display."

Within seconds, the image of a woman appeared on screen. If it wasn't for her bright yellow eyes and green hair, she could easily have been mistaken for a human.

"I must inform you, " she said coldly, "that you are in violation of our law. Unless you comply, our allies, the Voril, will destroy your ship."

Kathryn stepped closer to the screen, her face just as hard as the face looking back at her.

"It would first be polite to state the violation."

"You carry two Karik's on board. Our sensors detected their biosignatures. You must return them to us immediately."

Kathryn scoffed. "So you can leave them on a planet to die? I don't think so."

"What we do with them is none of your concern."

"It's every bit my concern. They are members of my crew now."

"They are unnatural. The product of experimentation. We cannot allow them to survive. All Karik must be exterminated so their blood does not contaminate ours. The two on board your ship are the last remaining. They must be destroyed."

"If they are the only two surviving," Kathryn answered, "then you have nothing to worry about. They are traveling with us and our home is many light years away. There will be no contamination."

The woman's hard eyes only seemed more determined. "We have our orders. All Karik must be destroyed. And they will be destroyed. We give you six hours to reach a decision. Return the Karik, or the Voril will destroy your ship."

"I will not be threatened," Kathryn answered. "And don't you have a law that says you cannot kill? Destroy this ship and you kill over a hundred people."

"Our law does not apply to acts of aggression, territorial violation, or the acts of allies."

"Very convenient."

"You have six hours. Surrender the Karik or be destroyed."

Kathryn was about to speak when the connection terminated.

She turned to Tuvok. "Transmission analysis."

The Vulcan was a moment in answering as he interpreted data. "Transmission originated from a ship 1.3 light years away."

"Status of Voril vessels?"

"There are a number of vessels pursuing us. The closest is 3.7 light years away."

Kathryn took a deep breath. "Then we have over 24 hours advantage on them. Their threat is hollow. They'll never catch up with us."

"I don't know, Captain," Harry said. "Remember their vessels are superior to ours, both in design and weaponry, and they seem to have powerful transporter technology on board. They may be capable of transporting their vessels great distances."

"Harry's right," Chakotay said. "I'd say the Lari have given us six hours because that's how long it will take the Voril to either reach us or to be within distance enough to transport and fire."

Kathryn turned to him. "What chance do you think we would have against them in battle?"

"Given their superiority and their numbers, I'd say none at all."

A heavy silence fell over the bridge at those words. It was Tuvok who broke it.

"I would remind you of the Prime Directive, Captain," he said calmly. "By harboring these individuals against the will of their people, we are in direct breach of it."

"To hell with the Prime Directive," Kathryn answered. "I'm not giving them Roxa and Vixi. No way."

"It appears we have no other choice," Tuvok continued. "If we do not, the overwhelming likelihood is we will be destroyed."

"There's always a choice," Kathryn answered. "And I'm sure as hell not taking the one that will condemn an innocent woman and her child to a most horrendous death. We'll find a way out of this."

She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to all senior staff, report to the briefing room immediately. Janeway to Torres. I want you there too."

* * *

All senior staff sat in silence around the table as Kathryn told them what had happened.

"Right now we are the beaten dog," she concluded, "but I'm determined to change that. I won't throw Roxa and Vixi to the wolves. We have over five hours to think of something."

There was a moment of silence as everyone absorbed their captain's words, and then Seven spoke. "There are several nebulas in this region. We could attempt to conceal ourselves in one of them."

"Only a temporary solution," Tom answered. "We'd have to leave the nebula eventually and when we did, they'd find us."

"What we need," B'Elanna said, "is a cloaking shield. If they can't detect us, they can't destroy us."

"But we've tried to create a cloak in the past," Harry said, "we just don't have the power to maintain one for longer than an hour."

Kathryn got to her feet. "But an hour, or even two if we can prolong duration, may be just enough for us to lose them, or rather them lose us. It's worth a try." She turned to Arlei. "Arlei, you work with B'Elanna to see if you can improve holding time. Seven, you too."

"Yes, Captain," they answered.

She then turned to her First Officer. "Chakotay, shut down all unnecessary systems. We're going to need every last bit of power."

She then dismissed everyone, and they quickly made their way out of the room. Only Tuvok remained, standing a rigid figure before his seat.

Kathryn went over to him. "What is it, Tuvok?"

"A cloaking shield of an hour, or two, is unlikely to suffice," he said, matter of factly.

"Why do you say that?"

"Once the shield collapses, we will be detectable again. The Lari will not give up their quest for the last remaining Karik so easily. They and the Voril will post ships all over this region of space to detect us. Sooner or later we will be detected. I much fear it will be sooner."

Kathryn swallowed. She knew that Tuvok was right. Even if they could get a shield to hold for two or three hours, it would only offer temporary relief from pursuit. But she wouldn't give up on this. It would at least be a couple of hours extra to think of a better plan.

"It will suffice for the present," she said. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I want to study this area of space and see what aid it offers."

* * *

Chakotay found Kathryn studying the surrounding area of space intensely on the screen before her in Astrometrics.

"There are a couple of m-class planets within four hours traveling," she said as she saw him enter, "but no nebulas so close."

Chakotay stood beside her and gazed up at the screen. "Any planets containing dilithium within the next light year? It would be a good idea to stock up on energy reserves if we're going to use a cloaking shield."

"Not for at least six light years." She localized an area of space on the screen. "But this region contains a cluster of wormholes and is only eight hours away."

Chakotay studied the region. "I'm surprised Seven or Icheb never mentioned them."

"They come across wormholes all the time. I told them only to inform us if they find any that will lead us closer to home. All these appear to terminate deeper into the Delta Quadrant than we are at present. Several are indecipherable but also unsteady. It would be too dangerous to enter them." She worked the console. "The closest terminating point is 15,000 light years, which would deposit us approximately 55,000 light years from earth." She worked the console again. "It would take us just over nine hours to reach it." She paused. "I know it will set us back more years, but I don't see any other avenue of escape, do you?"

"No," Chakotay answered. "This is our best bet yet. But the Lari expect our answer in four hours time. That means we would need a cloak for over five at least."

"Or just for intervals over that five hours so we can play cat and mouse. These wormholes appear to be one way streets. They won't follow us in. But if we're careful, we should be able to maintain enough power to bring the shield online just as we reach the wormholes. That way they won't even know which one we've taken."

Suddenly, the doors opened and Roxa came in. Her cheeks were wet with tears and her usually bright pink eyes were dull.

"You must send us back," she said, trying to hold back the tears. "You can't endanger your own lives for our sake."

Kathryn went over to her and lay her hand on the woman's shoulder.

"I'll hear none of that. There's no way we're sending you back. You're part of our family now."

"But they'll keep their word. They'll destroy you all..."

"To destroy us, they first have to find us. We didn't get this far in the Delta Quadrant by not knowing how to get one over an enemy or two from time to time. We've even had a few run ins with the Borg. Your people and the Voril don't scare us."

"But you're no match for them..."

"Technologically. But there are other ways. And you're forgetting the second golden rule of survival. If you can't beat an opponent, you flee..."

"But flee where, Captain? They dominate this space."

"We have a few avenues in mind."

A tear ran down the woman's cheek. "I'm so thankful for everything you've done for us, Captain. You've shown us such kindness and hospitality, but I can't have you endanger your lives this way. My people won't allow the Voril to kill you if unnecessary, so if you return us to them, they will let you go on your way. But if you don't, the Voril will destroy you. There would be no sense in all of you dying, when only Vixi and I have to."

"Now, you listen good," Kathryn said firmly. "No one is going to die and no one is going to send you back to those monsters. Understand?"

Roxa nodded and then smiled softly.

* * *

A headache was the last thing Kathryn needed. Sitting at her desk in her ready room, she raised her hands to her temples and rubbed there softly. Perhaps it would help if she ate something. She and Chakotay had rushed from their holodeck paradise with barely more than a slice of toast and orange juice inside them. She needed to eat something, if only for the babies sake. Slowly, she got up and went over to the replicator.

"Bowl of hot chicken soup."

It wasn't a lot, but it was something, about all that she could stomach at that moment. She had never been able to eat during a crisis.

A bowl of hot chicken soup materialized with a spoon and Kathryn picked it up and carried it over to her desk.

No sooner than she'd started to eat the soup, the door chime sounded. Kathryn put her spoon down and looked up at the door. "Come in."

It was Tuvok. He walked over to her desk and placed a padd before her.

Kathryn picked it up. "What's this?"

"A reminder of the Prime Directive and the responsibilities of a captain."

Kathryn handed him back the padd. "I'm well aware of my responsibilities."

"Normally I would agree. But, in this instance, I believe you are overlooking them. It is the responsibility of a captain to put the needs of the many above the needs of the few. Destroying the array, while in violation of the Prime Directive, was to sacrifice the few for the many. Therefore, it was logical. To harbor two individuals to the destruction of a hundred and more, aswell as the destruction of the two individuals originally harbored, is not."

Kathryn stood up. "So, what are you saying? That I hand Roxa and Vixi over?"

"It would be the most logical answer."

"And what of the humane and compassionate answer? I'm not sacrificing them to make things a little easier for us!"

"The chance of us surviving if we do not return them to their people is minimal. Starfleet regulation states that a Captain should be prepared to sacrifice the few for the many."

"Not this captain! It's one for all and all for one. I'm not in the habit of discarding the weak for the strong."

"But you will discard the strong for the weak. It is most illogical and inconsistent."

Kathryn put her hand to her brow. "Objection noted. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do."

"Captain, I must..."

"No more, Tuvok. You've stated your case and I'll note it in the log. Now, dismissed."

Tuvok gave a reluctant nod and then left the room.

* * *

There were only two and a half hours left before the Lari expected an answer and still there was no word from B'Elanna, Arlei, or Seven about the cloaking shield. Kathryn sat on the bridge, Chakotay beside her, and twiddled her thumbs impatiently.

Chakotay interpreted the action precisely. "Would you like me to go down to engineering and find out what's happening?"

"No," Kathryn said, looking at him briefly. "You're needed here." She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to Torres. Report."

B'Elanna's voice responded. "I was just about to contact you, Captain. We've done everything that we can. The maximum we can get the cloak to hold is seven hours."

"Seven hours will more than suffice," Kathryn answered. "We only need a window of six."

"But we would need to shut down at least 35 of the ship's systems."

"Acknowledged. How long until you can get the cloak ready for use?"

"Arlei says within the next thirty minutes."

"Inform me as soon as it's usable. Good work, Janeway out."

The connection terminated. Kathryn turned to Chakotay. "The cloak should be ready for use within the next half an hour. It should hold for a good seven hours. If we activate it in about 90 minutes time, the Lari and the Voril will lose us before they can request an answer from us, and we'll be protected by the cloak until we reach the wormhole." She smiled. "Looks like even the beaten dog has her day."

* * *

Stars flew by on the viewscreen and the motion was beginning to turn Kathryn's stomach.

"Mr Kim," she said, "take visual offline."

Almost instantly, a blank screen replaced open space and Kathryn lay back against her chair. Chakotay noticed the way she was rubbing her stomach and leant over.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Just a little nauseous."

"Would you like a glass of water?"

Kathryn smiled warmly. "That would be nice."

Chakotay got up to fetch her one. As he left the bridge, Kathryn addressed Tuvok.

"Time until the Lari expect their answer?"

"68 minutes, 21 seconds."

Not long now then until Seven was instructed to activate the cloak. Kathryn closed her eyes and tried to fight the nausea consuming her. This was one of the most crucial moments in their journey so far. One mistake, and everyone on board could die. She had to be focussed.

"But the Voril are close," Harry added.

"How close?"

"Within transporter and firing range."

Kathryn swallowed. "Raise shields to maximum."

Chakotay returned with a glass of water and Kathryn took it gratefully. The water was soothing and moistened her dry throat. But then, anxious words from Harry almost made her heave the water up.

"I'm detecting an unauthorized transmission from the ship."

Instantly, Kathryn put down her drink and got to her feet.

"Identify destination and perpetrator..."

Harry worked the console. "It's to the Voril..." He then turned directly to his left in complete astonishment. "Tuvok."

Blood drained out of Kathryn's face and she turned to the Vulcan. "What the hell are you doing?"

Tuvok made no reply, only continued to work his console.

"He's initiating transport," Seven cried. "Roxa and Vixi..."

"Block it," Kathryn said, and then turned to two officers who were close to Tuvok's station. "Mills, Carter, seize Commander Tuvok and convey him to the brig."

The two men did as they were told and Kathryn watched in confusion and disbelief as her trusted advisor and friend was carted away like a villain.

"I couldn't block transport," Seven continued. "But I have a lock on them. Contesting for their biomatter with the Voril..."

"Don't let them go," Kathryn cried. "Whatever you do, don't let them go."

"Contestation could kill them," Harry said.

"If the Voril get them, it will be certain death. I'll take my chances on life."

Chakotay, who was now working a console, raised another alarm. "They're firing weapons."

As he spoke, the ship shook as it was struck and Kathryn had to grab the rail before her to keep on her feet.

"Return the favor. Aim for their transporter hub. All we need is a split second disruption to their transporters and we can retrieve Roxa and Vixi."

Chakotay fired and the action worked.

"We have them," Seven cried, "transporter room one."

Kathryn breathed in relief and put her hand to her brow. "Evidently the Voril caught up with us sooner than they expected."

"They're firing again," Chakotay said, the ship shaking almost in unison with his words. "They must have taken our retrieval of Roxa and Vixi as our answer and now are going to try and bully us into surrendering them."

Kathryn turned to Seven. "Seven, activate the cloak. Tom, warp 7, figure 8. That should put them off our scent."

"Yes, Ma'am," Tom said, always glad of a chance for some challenging evasive maneuvers. Kathryn then hit her commbadge. "Janeway to transporter room one. Report on Roxa and Vixi."

Ayala's voice answered. "We've transported them to sickbay. They're both unconscious."

"Acknowledged," Kathryn said, her concern evident in her voice. "Janeway out."

"The Voril have come to a standstill," Harry cried. "They've lost us."

Kathryn turned to her chief pilot. "Then head for the wormholes. Maximum warp."

She felt terribly nauseous now and had to sit down again. She buried her head in her hands and Chakotay could tell that she wanted to cry. But she didn't cry. She reached for her glass of water and took a sip before hitting her commbadge. "Janeway to sickbay. Report on Roxa and Vixi."

The Doctor's voice answered.

"They suffered injury at the cellular level during transportation, but once I've regenerated those cells, they'll be alright."

"Thank you, Doctor. Janeway out."

This news seemed to relax her a little and she turned in Chakotay's direction as she got to her feet. "Chakotay, you have the bridge. I'm going to see Tuvok."

Chakotay got to his feet as she did. "Let me do that..."

"No," she insisted. "I want to speak to him myself."

* * *

All kinds of feelings consumed Kathryn as she approached the brig. Tuvok was seated inside, his head lowered, hands together. The overwhelming feeling was anger, but there was also a feeling of betrayal and a wounding hurt. As she approached the brig, Tuvok looked up and promptly got to his feet. The officer on duty momentarily deactivated the forcefield imprisoning him so Kathryn could step inside. She looked up at her old friend and advisor coolly and found his eyes looking straight into hers.

"I don't have to ask why you did this," she began. "In your logical Vulcan mind, surrendering Roxa and Vixi was a necessary evil. The needs of the many against the needs of the few." She paused. "But I do want to know how. I want to know how you could take an action that would not only undermine my decision but deliberately sabotage our plans."

Tuvok answered calmly. "I did not believe anyone else was capable of making the necessary decision. Emotion was clouding the reason of every senior officer. I had to take matters into my own hands to protect the interests of the crew. It was the logical course of action."

Kathryn stepped closer, her anger fermenting and she clenched her fists to try and contain it.

"On my ship, Tuvok, you will obey my commands, to hell with what your logic dictates! I told you once before when you tried to take matters into your "own hands" that logic is not infallible. And sometimes, those things that are important in life are not logical. Quite the contrary, they are illogical. Such a thing as love. Such a thing as kindness. You suppress those feelings because you believe they lead to incompetent, immoral, and irrational behavior. But today has only proved to me why we need emotion. Why we need to depend on more than mathematical probabilities and philosophical reasoning to make a decision. We need compassion, we need kindness, and we need love. And we need the belief that love can move mountains. Because it can. Logic surrenders, but love will fight to the death." She paused. "We were able to retrieve Roxa and Vixi and we are proceeding to the wormhole. And we will succeed, Tuvok."

Tuvok raised his head just a fraction, the only indication that his captain's words had perturbed him. "I will take due punishment."

"Good," Kathryn answered, "because you will receive due punishment. 60 days in the brig."

Tuvok did not protest. "As you wish, Captain."

"Just be thankful," she said, as she made to leave, "that it's not demotion."

* * *

"Report," Kathryn said as she returned to the bridge.

Harry responded. "All is going as planned. We are just over five hours away from the wormhole and the Voril are not pursuing."

Chakotay left his seat and approached them. "Everything is under control here," he said. "I think you should take a break."

Kathryn nodded. Terrible nausea was still plaguing her and she could do with a moment's rest. And, at present, there wasn't a lot she could do on the bridge except stare at a blank viewscreen or a multitude of stars flying by at warp speed. She put her hand on Chakotay's arm. "Summon me when we're approaching the wormhole. Before if you need me."

"We will," he smiled.

* * *

Petal was spending the weekend with Naomi so Kathryn's quarters were deserted when she arrived there. She replicated herself another glass of water, and then went to lie down on the couch for five minutes. She closed her eyes, only intending to rest, but before she knew it had drifted to sleep.

"Chakotay to Janeway."

Kathryn stirred awake as she heard her husband's and First Officer's voice over the comm.

"Chakotay to Janeway."

Kathryn's senses were at full alert now and she sat up. "Janeway here."

"You'd better come to the bridge."

"On my way," Kathryn said, already getting up off the couch.

* * *

Chakotay was waiting for her when she entered the bridge.

"Voril vessels are gathering at the wormholes. They've either figured that's we're heading, or they're randomly searching for us."

Kathryn turned to Harry. "Time until we reach the wormhole?"

"Approximately 53 minutes."

She then addressed Seven. "Status of cloak?"

"Holding steady, but it consumes more power than we anticipated. It will only hold for approximately another 74 minutes."

"Time enough," Kathryn answered. "We only need to make it to that wormhole."

* * *

The wormholes sparkled in the distance, specks of blue light that grew bigger and brighter as Voyager approached them. Kathryn stared at them from her seat, wishing that will power alone could get them there faster.

Suddenly, clouds of blue smoke covered the viewscreen and the ship shook. Kathryn turned to Harry. "Report?"

"Some kind of radioactive cloud."

"I'm also picking up millions of asteroids," Tom cried. "I'm going to have to reduce speed."

"Reduced speed means lost minutes," Kathryn answered, getting to her feet. "We can't afford to lose any time."

"And neither can we afford to crash the ship, Captain. I have to reduce speed. Warp 3."

Kathryn turned to Chakotay. "How long will it take us to the wormhole at warp 3?"

"At least another hour," he said.

"Seven," she called. "How long until the cloak collapses?"

"Approximately 21 minutes."

Kathryn paced the floor, wringing her hands as she tried to come up with a solution. 40 minutes was too long to travel through this space without a cloak. It was ample time for the Voril to find them. There was only one possible alternative.

"Chakotay, time to closest wormhole?"

He worked the console. "Approximately 14 minutes."

"Time to next?"

"Approximately 37."

"Destination of closest?"

"I can't get a reading."

Kathryn sat down on her chair and analyzed the information herself. "It's one of those indecipherable ones I was telling you about. But it seems to be stable at the moment. It would be a bumpy ride, but Voyager is strong enough to withstand its force."

She got to her feet again.

"Tom, alter course. Take us to the closest wormhole." She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to all. In approximately ten minutes time we'll be entering a wormhole. We are expecting a turbulent ride so brace yourselves accordingly. I repeat. This is Captain Janeway to all. In approximately ten minutes time we'll be entering a wormhole. We are expecting a turbulent ride so brace yourselves accordingly."

As she finished, Chakotay got to his feet and bridged the gap between them.

"The turbulence will most likely be severe. I don't think you should stay on the bridge. I think bed would be the safest place for you and the babies."

"The same thought occurred to me." She put her hand on his arm. "I'll return once we're safely through the wormhole." She then turned to the crew. "Chakotay will be in command as we make our way through the wormhole. Take your orders from him."

With that, she left the bridge.

* * *

The motion was sickening. Kathryn held onto the sheets around her tightly as the ship shook from side to side, up and down. Her already nauseous stomach wanted to heave but she fought against it, held tighter to the sheets that were firmly tucked under the mattress for extra security. She had also erected a cushioned forcefield around the bed to prevent her being thrown across the room in the event of extreme turbulence.

More bumps, more tossing, and Kathryn could hardly breathe now as nausea overwhelmed her.

Then all was still.

Kathryn let go of the sheets and looked around.

Everything was still. Perfectly still.

Then she heard Chakotay's voice.

"Chakotay to all. We are now safely through the wormhole. Information on our location will follow as soon as we have determined it. All those injured during the passage report to sickbay."

Kathryn could contain her nausea no more and, after deactivating the forcefield, blindly climbed out of the bed and made her way to the bathroom. Once there, she collapsed before the lavatory and heaved.

When she was done, she lay back against the wall and took a deep breath. She was about to contact Chakotay, when another wave of nausea consumed her and all she could do was heave.

"Kathryn..."

The voice was near... behind her... And then she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. Chakotay.

"I'm alright," she said, drawing away from the lavatory after another bout of heaving. "The motion was just too much for my stomach."

Chakotay caressed her arm softly. "I'll get you a cup of warm water."

"Make it coffee flavored," she teased.

"Then you should go to sickbay. Just to make sure everything is alright."

"Yes, Sir," she smiled. Then she fell serious. "What's our position?"

"We don't know. Many of our systems were damaged as we went through the wormhole. It will be at least an hour before we can determine our location."

"And the crew?"

"Only minor injuries reported."

Kathryn smiled, tears in her eyes. "Then we did it."

Chakotay nodded and put his hand to Kathryn's cheek. "You're amazing, Kathryn" he whispered. "What you did today..." He paused. "No other captain I have ever known would have done it. Not to save the lives of only two."

"I won't accept limitations," she said softly. "I never have. It's the Janeway streak in me. I believe everything and anything is possible with determination." She lowered her eyes. "Some would say that's a weakness."

Chakotay took her hand in his and squeezed her hand. "Then they don't know Kathryn Janeway."

Kathryn looked up at him and gazed into his eyes. Chakotay leant forward and kissed her forehead.

"Don't ever change, Kathryn. Don't ever change."

* * *

The Doctor was busy attending to injured crew when Kathryn arrived at sickbay, but hastily made his way over to her when he saw her and began scanning her.

"I was just about to summon you," he said. "Such a rollercoaster of a ride was most unfitting for a woman in your condition."

"I'm alright," Kathryn said. "It just aggravated my nausea." She looked over his shoulder to the crew waiting his attention. "But I really shouldn't be skipping the queue, Doctor..."

"Older expectant mother of twins, and Captain of this ship, I would say so."

"Less of the older, thank you very much," she teased.

Her eyes met the Doctor's and she smiled warmly. The Doctor smiled too and the ice that had existed between them over the past month melted away.

The Doctor continued to examine her and then stepped away. "Your blood pressure's a little high, but other than that, all is well."

"Given the day we've had, Doctor, I'm surprised it hasn't soared light years." She put her hand on his arm. "Now, finish attending to the crew."

"Yes, Captain," he answered.

As he returned to his patients, Kathryn made her way over to Roxa and Vixi who were sitting up together in an extended biobed, watching the activities going on around them. Vixi looked in wonder at Kathryn's short black hair for a long moment, and then at her bump, while Kathryn addressed her mother.

"How are you feeling?"

"We're fine, Captain," she smiled. Then tears welled in her eyes. "Thank you. Thank you for everything."

"As I told you," Kathryn said kindly, "you're part of our family now. You belong with us."

As she spoke, she felt a hand on her bump and looked down to find Vixi touching it.

"I'm sorry," Roxa smiled. "Vixi's just fascinated by your pregnancy. She's never seen a pregnant woman before."

Kathryn smiled warmly at the little girl before her. "Quite incredible, isn't it, to think there's two babies inside me?"

Vixi nodded and Kathryn put her hand to the child's cheek. "When sickbay's less busy, and I've finished duty, I'll come back with pictures of the babies and a stethoscope so you can hear their heartbeats. Would you like that?"

Vixi nodded again and smiled happily.

* * *

"How long until we can get any idea of our location?"

Harry looked up from his console into the face of his First Officer.

"It should be any moment now, Sir," he answered.

"My suspicion is the Beta Quadrant," Arlei said, having left Engineering briefly to see what was happening on the bridge.

Chakotay turned to her. "Why do you say that?"

"Because it was a long passage. If we were still in the Delta Quadrant, I think it would have been much shorter. Of course, we could be somewhere in the furthest outskirts of the quadrant."

Chakotay could only hope and pray with his whole heart that that was not the case.

"Any progress?"

The voice was Kathryn's. She had just arrived on the bridge.

"We're just about to find out our location," Chakotay answered.

"Any moment now," Harry continued. "We're..." He paused as data was displayed before him. "Something's coming up..."

All those on the bridge left their positions now and made their way over to Harry's station. Not a sound was heard, not even the sound of breathing as everyone's breath was suspended.

"I don't believe it," Harry said when their location was finally displayed.

Kathryn swallowed. "What, Mr Kim?"

He looked up and looked around at the anxious faces before him. "We're in Vidian space."

Everyone stared at him, a sea of shocked faces. Then Harry began to laugh. "I'm only kidding. We're in the Alpha Quadrant."

He expected his Captain to laugh and reprimand him for ill-humor, but she just stared at him, tears in her eyes, and it was a long moment before she spoke.

"The Alpha Quadrant?"

"Yes, Ma'am," he said, her unexpected reaction quieting him.

"What's... what's our exact location?"

It was Arlei who answered. "Approximately 18,000 light years west of earth."

Kathryn lowered her eyes, disappointment momentarily consuming her. They were still a long way from home. And for a moment, just a moment...

But disappointment was far from the sentiment on the bridge. She could hear happy chatter and laughter all around her.

"How lucky are we?" she heard Tom say. "Of all the places in the galaxy we could have ended up..."

And he was right. They could so easily have ended up in the furthest regions of the Delta Quadrant or the Beta Quadrant, could even have been destroyed by the Voril, but instead here they were back in the Alpha Quadrant and closer than ever to home.

She looked up at the happy faces all around her. "Alright. Everyone go and celebrate this news. Seven, Arlei, Tom, you stay."

Chakotay and Harry stayed with them and, as all other officers left the bridge, Kathryn addressed Seven.

"What's our energy level?"

"On reserve, Captain, but we've enough to keep us going for another five days."

"How far is the closest planet containing dilithium?"

"Approximately 5 light years."

Kathryn smiled. "Then we're well covered. Mr Paris, I want a party on the holodeck tonight. You're in charge."

"Yes, Ma'am," he smiled.

She dismissed him and walked over to Seven's station. The former drone was analyzing the area of space around them and Kathryn looked at the chart.

"There appear to be many solar systems," she said, observing.

"Ten to be precise," Seven answered. "All within a distance of a 200 light years."

Arlei's voice commented. "Region of the ten suns."

Kathryn turned to her, not understanding. "I'm sorry?"

"It's where my people are said to have originated," Arlei explained. "My people have long been space travelers, but our empire was almost completely destroyed by a war with a now extinct species called the Juva over three thousand years ago. All communication was lost between colonies and it took centuries for us to become space travelers again. All that remained of our past glory was fragments of documents and legend. The region of the ten suns was the heart of our empire and many myths and legends are focussed on it" She paused. "My people must have traveled to the Delta Quadrant all those years ago by the same wormhole that we traveled through."

"The wormhole we traveled through was one way only," Seven answered, rather bluntly. "But there is a wormhole 35.8 light years away that appears to terminate 10,000 light years from Quarren. They could have used that."

"If so," Arlei continued, "ancient ancestors of mine may still inhabit this region."

"It's quite possible," Kathryn replied.

"I don't think so, Captain," Harry said, joining the conversation. "I mean there's no sign of any inhabited planets on sensors."

Kathryn tried to hide her smile. It was evident that Harry didn't want there to be any of Arlei's ancestors in this region. No doubt he was worried that if there was, she might be tempted to join them and try and rebuild links with her people in the Delta Quadrant. The wormholes offered the perfect opportunity. But somehow Kathryn doubted that she would. If they did find her ancestors, passing on her knowledge of the wormholes and the Delta Quadrant would suffice.

"Not yet," Kathryn said kindly. "But we've only conducted superficial scans. We'll learn more about this region when all sensors are operational and as we travel through it."

* * *

The party in holodeck one was in full swing, but Kathryn had left early. She was still feeling rather nauseous, and was completely exhausted. Chakotay was staying on a little longer as it was only right that one of them should be present. As she left the party, she realized that holodeck two would probably be deserted. She did a quick check and found that it was. It would be the perfect time to run her holo-salon program. She made her way to holodeck two and activated the program. It was her own special creation and she loved going there. It was nice to be pampered, and over the years, going to the salon had been one of her favorite ways of relaxing. Her hairdresser, Claudette, was a sweet, motherly, woman, and although she was only a hologram, Kathryn had developed a bond with her. She had always been able to talk to the woman about things she hadn't been able to talk to others about, and Claudette always gave good advice. She was a good hairstylist too, and it only took her half an hour to change Kathryn's short black hair into ginger locks that flowed over her shoulders.

Back in her quarters, Kathryn took a quick shower, and then, dressed only in her bathrobe, replicated some warm toast topped with honey and sat in a chair in the living room to eat them. As she did so, she looked around the room and began to think of further modifications to make in the future. Apart from one or two of Petal's toys scattered here and there, the quarters still looked like a couple's home, not a children's home. The wall to her right was vacant and it occurred to her that it would be the perfect place to put up an entertainment screen. As she looked around, her eyes fell on her shelf of photographs. Kathryn finished her last slce of toast, and then went over to the shelf. She picked up the picture of Oliver, now framed in clear glass, and gazed at it for a moment. She was so glad her memories had been restored, so glad her son's existence was part of hers again. Tenderly, she reached out and touched his tiny face and then lay a strand of her hair on the glass next to his. Their hair was the exact same shade.

The doors to her quarters suddenly opened and Chakotay came in. Kathryn put down the picture and turned to him.

"You wanted natural," she smiled.

Chakotay gazed at her carrot hair and smiled. "Very fetching. I like the length too."

Kathryn bridged the distance between them and took his hands in hers. "Of course, it's not completely natural. I had some help from 'exact color gray shader'."

Chakotay laughed softly. "I get some help from that too."

Kathryn ruffled his hair. "But you don't need it. I always liked your salt and pepper style. It made you look ... distinguished."

Chakotay smiled, dimples showing. "Then I'll have to arrange a trip to my own hair parlor and see what they can do." He then fell serious. "How are you feeling? It's been one hell of a day."

"Exhausted," she answered. "But otherwise I'm alright." Tears welled in her eyes. "It's all been like a dream, Chakotay. It's so hard to believe that we're in the Alpha Quadrant."

"I know," he said quietly. "A reward from the gods, perhaps, for what you did for Roxa and Vixi." He averted his eyes. "Although I know you don't believe in that."

"To tell the truth," Kathryn said quietly, "I don't know what I believe anymore. If you'd asked me seven years ago, then I'd have said no, I don't believe in any spiritual beings or caretakers of our souls existing beyond our universe. But now, after all the things we've been through, especially what happened with Kes, I don't know." She paused. "And knowing you, being married to you, and seeing the depth of your faith, it's changed me. I've always respected the beliefs of others, but I couldn't help feel that those who believed in a god or spiritual existence, or those who followed a certain religion, were unthinking, unquestioning. Even gullible. But you're none of those things and your faith is so real, so genuine. I can't help think now that perhaps I was the gullible one, the unthinking one, to believe that what we see is the limit of our existence, that what we are is the limit of our physical parameters."

"In many ways we are what we're brought up to be," Chakotay answered. "I was raised by spiritual people to be a spiritual man. You were raised by scientific people to be scientific. Science begins with nothing and creates answers from its own questions. Faith begins with something and creates questions from its answers."

"But science and spiritualism are clearly not incompatible. You're evidence of that." She paused. "But it does beg the question of what we're going to teach our children."

"Yes," he answered quietly, never having considered it before.

"Because I don't want them to feel they have to choose between our cultures. That would be like asking them to choose between us." She paused. "I think they should be raised in your faith."

"You do?"

She nodded. "Your faith is strong. It's an important part of your life. And it certainly hasn't done you any harm. Quite the contrary. You have generations of traditions and beliefs to pass to them. I don't even know what my beliefs are. It's only right, Chakotay."

"But you have to be sure, Kathryn. It's a big decision."

Kathryn smiled, a teasing glint in her eye. "I'm good at those."

"You certainly are," he smiled

"And what happened today with Tuvok ... it just reminds us more than ever how important it is that we allow emotion to help shape a decision, that we allow our minds to be more than computers determining what is logical and probable."

Chakotay moved his hand to her shoulder. "What Tuvok did, it surprised the hell out of me. I would never have expected it. But he's a good man. He wouldn't have done it unless he truly believed it was the only solution."

"I know," Kathryn replied. "But to go behind my back...to so deliberately try and send Roxa and Vixi to their deaths..." She closed her eyes and put her hand to her brow. "I don't know if I can forgive him..."

Chakotay caressed her arm softly. "You can, Kathryn. Because he did it for you as much as he did it for the crew."

Kathryn looked up at him. "For me?"

Chakotay nodded. "Because despite his Vulcan heart, he loves you. And he loves little Naomi too. He did it for you, he did it for her, and he did it for our babies." He paused. "He was acting just as much from love as from logic."

Kathryn played with the ring she had given Chakotay for their anniversary on his finger.

"You know," she said, "I've just thought. Our last night in the Delta Quadrant was the night of our first wedding anniversary."

"So it was," he whispered.

She looked up at him again. "For so many years I resented the Delta Quadrant, resented being there. But now... now its so far away... I think I'll miss it. Sounds crazy, doesn't it?"

"Not at all. A part of me will miss it too. It was our home for so long." He paused. "And the place where I found the true meaning of peace, of contentment, and of love."

"But not the only place you will find them," Kathryn replied.

Chakotay brushed his fingers against her cheek. "No," he whispered.

Kathryn took his hand and moved it to her chest, holding it over her heart.

"My true love hath my heart and I have his," she said softly. "By just exchange one for another given. I hold his dear, and mine he cannot miss. There never was a better bargain driven. His heart in me keeps him and me in one. My heart in him his thoughts and senses guides. He loves my heart, for once it was his own. I cherish his, because in me it bides. My true love hath my heart and I have his."

Chakotay gazed into his wife's eyes. "My heart will always be yours, Kathryn. And my home will always be where you are."

Kathryn smiled and squeezed his hand tight. "And mine with you."

**END OF CHAPTER NINETEEN**


	21. The Virus

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY**

**THE VIRUS**

"There's an uninhabited m-class planet less than an hour away that appears to contain ruins," Chakotay said, handing his wife a glass of orange juice as she sat up in bed. "It could be the first trace we've found so far of the empire Arlei said once existed in this region."

Kathryn took a sip of her drink. "It could well be." She paused. "Not that you're hankering for a day exploring ancient ruins, of course," she teased.

"Me want to explore ancient ruins? Whatever gave you that idea?"

Kathryn smiled warmly. "Prepare an away team and go and investigate. I'll have Tuvok cover your shift."

"Tuvok?"

"He's almost completed his sentence. And, as Harry's on afternoon shift and I'm prohibited from the bridge, we're going to need him."

She was now just over seven months pregnant and was finding it rather difficult to get around. But years of physical training had kept her in good shape, and the Doctor said she was carrying better than some women half her age. She was no longer allowed to attended the bridge or her ready room, but the Doctor said that she wouldn't need to take complete bed rest so long as she took things easy. He was, however, concerned about the strain her body was experiencing, given her age, and had scheduled a caesarean for June the 18th, a month before the babies were due. She had asked about fetal transportation, but the Doctor had told her that was only generally used during an emergency as it was the most dangerous of all options for both mother and child. There was only three weeks to go now and Kathryn couldn't wait. She knew that Chakotay couldn't wait either. He was more or less running Voyager at the moment, but all major decisions were still referred to her and she was still the first to be informed of any problems.

"Want me to tell him the happy news?"

"No, I'll do it myself. The exercise will do me good." She paused. "But you can tell Roxa he's being released. She'll need the warning."

"I'll do it straight away." He then hesitated. "Perhaps we should invite Tuvok for dinner tomorrow. Start mending bridges." He was concerned about the distance that had grown between Kathryn and Tuvok. She hadn't been to see him once since he was confined.

"It's out of the question," Kathryn said, rather defensively. "What he did almost killed Roxa and Vixi. I'm not about to start acting all paly with him as soon as he's finished his sentence. What kind of message would that give Roxa and Vixi? They are my first priority. They've been through hell, especially the child, and I want them to feel every bit a part of this crew." She paused. "Besides, I'm still damned angry with him."

"He only did what he thought was for the best," Chakotay continued. "And I'm sure Roxa understands that. I've explained to her all about Tuvok's culture and how logic presides over emotion. We can't ostracize Tuvok because of his culture. That amounts to prejudice."

"I've no problem with his culture," Kathryn answered. "I only have a problem with what he did. No other Vulcan decided to take matters into their own hands. Quite the contrary, they obeyed my orders despite what they thought. That was Tuvok's duty too. But no. He had to do what his "logic" told him too. It wasn't a reason, Chakotay. It was an excuse."

"You're going to have to forgive him, Kathryn. You can't throw away all your years of friendship because of this. He thought he was acting in the best interests of the crew."

"I know that, Chakotay. And I've tried to forgive him. I have. And maybe I will in time. But I can't right now. I just can't."

* * *

Tuvok was sitting in the brig, meditating, when Kathryn arrived there. 

Ensign Skiperton deactivated the forcefield and Kathryn stepped inside. Tuvok was deep in meditation and oblivious to her presence.

"Tuvok," she said at last.

At the sound of his name, the Vulcan broke his meditation and got to his feet. "Captain."

"You're free to go," she said firmly, "and I want you to report for duty within an hour."

"I have not yet served my full sentence," Tuvok answered. "I still have three days remaining."

"Call it early release for good behavior."

"I do not require or desire such benevolence. I undermined your authority and jeopardized the lives of two members of this crew. It is only right that I serve maximum sentence."

Kathryn stepped closer. "You're needed on the bridge. Chakotay is heading an away mission that will be leaving very shortly and Harry is on afternoon shift. Otherwise, I would make you serve maximum sentence." She repeated her previous order. "Report to the bridge within an hour."

"Yes, Captain," Tuvok replied.

* * *

Chakotay was almost ready to leave when Kathryn returned to their quarters. He was dressed in full uniform and packing a back pack.

"Arlei, Tenneson, and Borin are coming with me," he said as she entered. "Arlei for obvious reasons and Tenneson and Borin because they have some archaeological training." He paused. "There's only eight hours of daylight on the planet, so we should be back before 6pm."

"Will you transport or take a shuttle?"

"Transport. We don't know what's down there." He smiled. "It would hardly be respectful to land a shuttle in the heart of a burial site."

Kathryn smiled in return. "I don't suppose it would be."

He closed his back pack and then went over to his wife and kissed her cheek.

"See you later."

With that, he left the room, and Kathryn was left alone with a little dog that was looking up at her, eagerly awaiting attention. Kathryn laughed.

"I've barely been gone half an hour, old girl," she said. "You surely can't have missed me already."

But evidently Petal had. No doubt the animal was getting used to her company every day. Perhaps it would be a good idea for Naomi to spend more time with her, perhaps have her every weekend. Otherwise, Petal would get too dependent on her company and that would make it all the harder for the animal when she returned to work after the twins were born.

Kathryn wandered over to the replicator and Petal followed.

"Two small Bedtime Care Bears."

Immediately, two fluffy turquoise Bedtime Care Bears materialized, a navy crescent moon and gold star on their tummys. Kathryn picked them up and admired the cuddly toys. They were no less popular now than they had been three hundred years ago. Some things were ageless.

Petal was eyeing them too and Kathryn laughed . "No, honey, not for you. For Silvie and Stevie."

She made her way to the nursery and manually opened the doors. As they opened, she stepped inside. The nursery was now complete. The ceiling was a sky blue with clouds here and there and the sky extended down the walls until it met with nursery rhyme and fairystory characters. There were all kinds, from Humpty Dumpty to Cinderella, and they were singing, dancing, and playing. A bright yellow sun decorated the wall opposite the door and, covering the floor, was a dark green carpet that matched the grass the characters were standing on. Neither she or Chakotay were great artists, but they had replicated transfers of the characters and put them on the walls. Then all they had to do was color them in with paints. Naomi and Vixi had helped them, coloring in the parts they could reach. It had been a lot of fun.

In the far right corner of the room, Lieutenant Crowman had put in a lavatory, which was accessible by a door. Beneath the sun, Chakotay had put up two shelves that ran the complete length of the wall and over the past few weeks, Kathryn had replicated some cuddly toys and lined them up on the shelves. She wished she could fill the shelves with soft toys, but she didn't want to needlessly use up resources. Chakotay had also finished making the cot and they had put it just left of the door, distance enough from the window for the cot to be accessed at both sides. It was made of pinewood and a petition of bars divided the cot into two. The craftmanship was impressive. Chakotay had engraved a beautiful star at the head of one cot and a crescent moon on the other. Beneath the star he had engraved "Silvia" in italics, and beneath the moon, "Silvesta." He truly was a skilled craftsman, and, after seeing the cot, B'Elanna had asked him to make a headboard for Miral, to be used on her bed when she was older.

Kathryn wandered over to the cot now and placed a Care Bear in each of them. As she did so, the door chime sounded. Kathryn drew away from the cot and wandered back into the living room.

"Come in."

It was Celes. She carried a brown paper bag in her right hand. "Some freshly baked brownies from Roxa," she smiled. "She asked me to give them to you."

Kathryn took the bag gratefully. "Thank you."

"Seven also wants to know if you would like to have lunch with her today."

"I would love to," Kathryn smiled. "What time?"

"12.30 in her quarters."

"Tell her I'll be there." She opened the bag of brownies and peeped inside. "Mmmm, these smell delicious." The aroma was irresistible and Kathryn couldn't help take out a brownie and take a bite. "Taste delicious too." She held out the bag to Celes. "Help yourself."

Celes took a brownie and then looked around the room as she ate it. "No Petal, today?"

Kathryn cast her eyes quickly around the room. "Damn, she must be still in the nursery."

Kathryn returned to the nursery and there was Petal, lying on her front in the middle of the room, happily chewing a small white fluffy bunny.

"Oh Petal," Kathryn exclaimed.

Celes laughed. "I'll get her, Captain."

Celes went into the room and picked the animal up, retrieving the bunny as she did so.

As they left the nursery, she handed the toy to Kathryn.

"I don't know how she got it," Kathryn said, looking at the bunny. "I swear she must be an acrobat." Then she looked up at Petal and tickled her chin. "And looks like you got your prize. All yours."

She tossed the toy to the carpet, and Petal immediately retrieved it as soon as Celes put her to the floor.

"Are you sure you'll be able to manage the twins and Petal?" Kathryn asked. "She's quite a handful."

Celes smiled. "So long a she's in a dog pen, I'll be fine."

* * *

Seven placed a dinner of roast potatoes, cabbage, carrots, and chicken covered in gravy before her captain as they had lunch together in her quarters.

"Looks and smells great," Kathryn smiled. "But you really shouldn't have gone to so much trouble."

"It was no trouble, Captain. And such nourishment is essential in your condition."

"Then I should be pregnant more often," Kathryn teased. "First brownies from Roxa, and now a dinner from you. I'm quite spoiled."

"We all simply wish to ensure your well being during your confinement, just as you have always ensured ours."

Kathryn smiled, touched by the sentiment. "And I'm very grateful." She cut up a piece of chicken. "But you're supposed to be taking it easy aswell. You're recovering from a serious operation."

"I am fine, Captain."

"Still, you don't want to exert yourself."

"I am aware of my capabilities." She took a sip of water. "And speaking of capabilities, Arlei and I discussed the slip stream technology yesterday, and together we may be able to find a way of perfecting it."

Kathryn's eyes lit up. "That would be wonderful, Seven. Truly wonderful." She then groaned and put her hand to her bump.

Seven looked at her in concern. "Are you ill, Captain?"

"No," she answered. "Silvie and Stevie have just decide they want a round of kickboxing. With this force, they'll be Federation champions." She put down her knife and fork. "Come and feel."

"I do not think that..."

"Oh, come on, Seven," Kathryn insisted.

Seven reluctantly got up and went over to her. Kathryn took her hand and placed it over her bump.

"I do not feel anything," Seven said bluntly.

"Wait a moment," Kathryn answered.

Then there was a vicious little kick. "There," Kathryn smiled. There was another. "And again."

"Most... enthralling," Seven said, her tone sarcastic.

"Just think," Kathryn smiled. "You can have one of your very own one day."

Seven withdrew her hand. "I cannot, Captain," she said, returning to her seat. "My implants mean I can never bear a child."

Kathryn looked at Seven sadly. "I'm sorry," she said sincerely.

"I am not," Seven replied. "Children would be burdensome."

"You don't really mean that," Kathryn said.

"I assure you I do."

"But you're so good with children." Kathryn picked up her knife and fork again. "And not being able to bear a child doesn't mean you can't have children. There are other ways. Surrogacy, adoption. There are many children in need of a home."

"Then I shall consider such options if I ever develop the desire to be a parent," Seven answered. "Now, I suggest we eat. Our dinner is getting cold."

"Yes, Ma'am," Kathryn smiled.

* * *

The afternoon was slow. Kathryn got out her knitting bag while Petal slept soundly at her feet. She had finished one set of baby clothes and was now working on an identical set. That too was almost complete. She only had one white bootee to go. As she began to knit, the doors opened and Chakotay came in.

"You're early," she said.

"We got caught up in a storm," he explained. "We thought it best to return to the ship. "

"Make any discoveries?"

"Nothing. We managed to take a look at a couple of ruins, but that's about it."

"That's too bad. I hope Arlei isn't too disappointed. I know how much she wants to find some trace of her ancestors."

"To be honest, I think she's more interested in locating a thriving civilization than the ruins of a past one. She's eager to inform them of her homeworld."

"Then let's hope we find one, although it isn't looking too good. There's only two solar systems left to explore."

"Yes. But, in my experience," he smiled, "last is always successful." He then gestured to his mud covered uniform. "I'm just going to have a shower. The planet's surface was like a mud bath."

"Alright. Anything I can get you to eat?"

"No, I'll go and grab something in the mess hall before I report to the bridge for a few hours."

He smiled and then left for the bathroom. As he did so, B'Elanna's voice sounded over the comm.

"Torres to Janeway."

"Janeway here."

"We can't go to warp, Captain," she said. "There's a problem with the warp core."

"What kind of problem?"

"I'm not sure exactly. It keeps shutting down. But I don't think it's serious. It's probably just a short circuit somewhere. I'm running a full diagnostic. It shouldn't take more than an hour."

"Acknowledged, keep me informed."

* * *

Half an hour later, Chakotay was on his way to the mess hall. As he approached the doors, they opened and a very distressed Vixi ran out of them. She ran blindly into him and screamed hysterically as a male form blocked her flight path.

Chakotay put his hands on her shoulders. "It's alright," he said gently. "It's alright."

At the sound of Chakotay's voice, the little girl clung to his legs tightly. Chakotay gently lifted her into his arms and she wrapped her arms around his neck, weeping onto his shoulder.

The doors opened again and Harry appeared. Chakotay questioned him.

"What happened?"

"Roxa left her alone with Ayala and I while well she went to take a snack to Ensign Philips in sickbay. When Tuvok came in, Vixi lost it."

"I see," Chakotay answered, everything suddenly clear. "When Roxa returns, tell her Vixi's with me."

* * *

Kathryn was sewing together her last bootee when Chakotay returned to their quarters. She cast aside the bootee when she saw that he was carrying a tearful Vixi.

"Vixi had a little upset in the mess hall ," he said quietly, putting her to her feet.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Kathryn said kindly.

Chakotay went to sit on the couch and Vixi stood where he had left her, fresh tears welling in her eyes. Chakotay opened his arms to her and Kathryn watched as Vixi went over to him and climbed onto his lap. She leant against him and Chakotay held her close. The child had bonded well with Chakotay, saw in him a replacement father figure, perhaps, or a replacement uncle. The trust Vixi had come to display in him touched Kathryn's heart and she was so glad it was a trust that could be relied on, a trust that would never be abused.

"What happened?" She asked.

Chakotay hesitated with his answer. "Roxa left her alone with Harry and Ayala while she went to sickbay and Vixi got upset when she saw Tuvok enter."

Kathryn's face hardened and she fought to subdue her anger. "I see."

"But everything's alright now," Chakotay said. He then addressed Vixi. "And you don't have to be afraid of Tuvok," he said gently. "He won't hurt you."

Vixi drew away from Chakotay and looked up at him, her tearful pink eyes searching his. "Then why did he try and send us back?"

Chakotay brushed a strand of her pink hair away from her face. "He thought he had no other choice, sweetheart. He wouldn't have done it otherwise. He's a good man. He just isn't like you and me. He doesn't feel things the same. We all tried to save you because we cared about you, but our chances of success weren't very high, which meant we could all die. Tuvok had realized that and, because he isn't as emotional as us, thought the best way to guarantee saving us all would be to send you back. It's just the way his mind works. It isn't a reflection on who he is. As I say, he's a good, kind, man, and would never hurt you or your mother."

The door chime sounded and Kathryn called out

"Come in."

Roxa entered, her face flushed and full of concern. It ebbed somewhat when she saw her daughter sitting comfortably on Chakotay's lap.

"I see you got my message," Chakotay smiled.

"Yes," she answered. "Is everything alright?"

"It is now," he replied kindly. "Vixi just had a little fright when she saw Tuvok in the mess hall. But she's alright now."

Tears welled in Roxa's eyes as she looked at her beloved child and the ache in her heart was visible in her eyes. Kathryn got up and went over to her.

"I'll inform Tuvok to keep his distance from you both in the future."

Roxa looked up at Kathryn now. "No. There's no need for that. He was only doing what he thought was right. I thought Vixi understood that."

She could hold back the tears no more and wept softly, the weeks of strain and uncertainty telling on her. Kathryn caressed her arm softly and wished she could draw her close, but her now large bump would get in the way. Vixi's eyes darkened as she saw her mother cry and she climbed from Chakotay's lap. She made her way over to her mother and stood before her.

"I understand, Mama," she said quietly. "I understand."

At that, Roxa reached for her daughter and hugged her close for a moment. Then she drew away, wiping away tears from her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Captain. Forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive," Kathryn replied quietly. She then put her hand to Roxa's shoulder again. "Take the rest of the afternoon off. You and Vixi do whatever you want."

"No, really, Captain," Roxa protested.

"No arguments. I insist."

Roxa smiled. "Very well, Captain."

Roxa and Vixi then left and, as the doors closed behind them, Kathryn let off steam.

"Damn Tuvok. Damn him!"

Chakotay got up and went over to her. "This wasn't his fault. Vixi just didn't understand."

"It damn right is his fault," she cried. "I wanted this ship to be a haven for Roxa and Vixi. Somewhere they can feel safe. How can that child ever feel safe with Tuvok onboard?"

"It might take some time, but she will."

Kathryn was about to speak when B'Elanna's voice sounded over the comm.

"Torres to Janeway."

"Go ahead," Kathryn said, her voice sharper than usual.

"The diagnostic is complete, but it hasn't found any problems. Everything seems to be fine."

"Then why does the warp core keep shutting down?"

"I don't know, Captain. It's going to take some time to figure it out. Arlei's taking over."

"Acknowledged. Thanks for the update."

As the connection terminated, Kathryn put her hand to her brow. "A malfunctioning warp core is all we need..."

Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "It will be fixed. Just relax. Everything's under control."

Kathryn took a deep breath and then looked up at him. "Have you had something to eat?"

"No, but I'll grab a sandwich in the ready room."

"Just make sure you do." She put her hand over his and squeezed it. "Now, you'd better get going before this ship becomes a mad house."

Chakotay looked at her, concern in his eyes. "Will you be alright?"

"I'll be fine." She gestured to Petal who was watching them avidly. "Don't forget, I'm under guard."

Chakotay smiled and Kathryn squeezed his hand again. "Go."

At that, Chakotay reluctantly left and the doors shut behind him.

Kathryn turned to Petal who was wagging her tail and vying for attention.

"How would you like to go and play with Naomi?"

The animal was so alert now that there was no hope of five minutes peace so she could finish her bootee.

Petal barked at the sound of "play" and "Naomi" and Kathryn smiled.

"I'll take that as a yes." She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to Naomi. Petal's all yours if you want her for a few hours."

Naomi's voice instantly answered. "I'll be right there, Captain."

* * *

Three hours later, there was still no sign of the ship going to warp. Kathryn took a sip of hot milk and looked out at the still stars around her. She had finished her last bootee and now had nothing to do. Chakotay was still on the bridge and Petal was still with Naomi. Kathryn finished her drink and then slowly got to her feet. She would go down to Engineering and see what was happening. It wouldn't be too strenuous and would occupy her mind.

* * *

Engineering was almost deserted when Kathryn arrived there. She walked over to Arlei who was busy working a console.

"Any luck isolating the problem?"

"It appears to be some kind of computer virus," Arlei replied. "At the moment it seems only to be effecting Engineering, but it might start effecting other areas of the ship too. I've managed to locate the file and, while it's open and feeding information to our system, I can't access it as it's encrypted. I can't delete or destroy it either. The only way I can hope to disable it is if I can access the file." She paused. "I believe this is the only file, the only infection, but Seven's on her way to the bridge to search through the rest of the ship's systems. Now we know what to look for, she'll be able to determine very quickly whether there are more."

Kathryn was concerned now. A virus could cause severe damage to the ship's main computer and cripple many systems. "This virus, where has it come from?"

"I don't know, Captain. It's encrypted well. I can't learn anything about it. But it would have to have been deliberately implanted."

"The Voril?"

"Possibly. But at this moment it's impossible to say. It could be months or even years old. I'm running an automated password generator. It will try every combination possible. To be infecting our system, the script language has to be one that our computer understands. And because it's feeding information to the system, if the creators used any unusual characters in encrypting it, those characters will have been downloaded as soon as the file opened itself, and will be detected by the generator." She paused. "Once it's generated the correct password, all contents of the file will be displayed and I can disable the virus."

"But to be on the safe side," Kathryn said. "Eject the warp core. We don't want to risk any damage to it." There was no knowing what the virus was programmed to do.

"Yes, Captain," Arlei replied, and immediately obeyed the command.

As the warp core was ejected, Chakotay's voice sounded. "Chakotay to Engineering. Report."

"I'm ejecting the warp core on the Captain's orders," Arlei answered.

"Acknowledged. Chakotay out."

His voice then sounded again. "Chakotay to Janeway."

Kathryn smiled at Arlei as she responded. "Go ahead."

"Did you instruct Arlei to eject the warp core?"

"I did," she replied. "There's a virus in our system that may cause untold damage if it isn't disabled. This region of space is owned by no one. The warp core is safer out there than onboard right now. We can retrieve it later."

"I just wanted to be sure," he replied.

"I understand. Janeway out."

The warp core was now ejected and Kathryn looked up at the empty space. Then her eyes moved to the console Arlei was working on and suddenly a terrible thought occurred to her. Accessing that file might cause an explosive reaction.

"Stop the generator," she cried.

Arlei turned to her, not understanding. "Captain?"

"If we access that file, it may cause an explosion."

At that, Arlei immediately tried to stop the generator. But it was useless. Nothing she did worked. "I can't stop it, Captain. Controls won't respond..."

Kathryn swallowed. "Keep trying," she said. "You've got to stop it..."

"I can't," Arlei cried. "All I can do it try to withhold power ... shut it down..."

Kathryn looked around Engineering, about to tell everyone to vacate, when she realized that she and Arlei were now completely alone. A fear gripped her. A horrifying realization. This was it. This was the moment she and Arlei had died in the future she had witnessed. They had tried to stop the generator, failed, and been killed in the explosion.

"Leave it," Kathryn cried. "We've got to get out of here." She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to transporter room one. Two emergency beam outs at Engineering."

There was no response.

"It's blocking communication," Kathryn cried. "We've got to leg it."

"It will stop without power, Captain," Arlei insisted. "I just need too..."

"Just get the hell out of here," Kathryn cried. "Go!"

"But?"

"Go! I'll follow..."

Arlei dared not disobey and hurried from Engineering. Within seconds, she was out of the doors and they shut behind her. Kathryn followed her as quickly as she could, but in her condition couldn't escape as fast. It seemed ages before she reached the doors and, when she did, found they wouldn't open. She pounded the manual button with the palm of her hand. "Come on, come on!"

But nothing. Then there were a deafening sound and Kathryn flew through the air as all the consoles in Engineering exploded.

* * *

The bridge shook and Chakotay immediately got to his feet.

"Report?"

Tuvok worked his console. "There was an explosion. Engineering."

Harry looked up at the Vulcan, fear in his eyes. "Arlei..."

Chakotay addressed Tuvok. "Casualties?"

"I can't get a reading."

Chakotay hit his commbadge. "Chakotay to Arlei."

There was no response.

"Chakotay to Arlei. Please respond."

Nothing.

"I'm going down there," Harry said.

Before Chakotay could say anything, Harry was leaving the bridge.

"I'm going too," Tom said. "B'Elanna was on her way there..."

Chakotay caught his arm. "You'll be needed in sickbay. Go there."

"But..."

"Now!"

"Yes, Sir," Tom answered.

As Tom left the bridge, Chakotay hit his commbadge. "Chakotay to Janeway."

There was no response.

"Chakotay to Janeway."

Tuvok interrupted. "Communication is down, Commander."

Chakotay turned to Ensign Wallis who stood at his right. "The Captain will be wondering what has happened. Go to our quarters and inform her."

"Yes, Sir," the young man answered.

* * *

Black smoke and fire was everywhere. Engineering doors were now working and Arlei ploughed through the thick smog in a desperate attempt to find the captain. The smoke was choking and the heat scorching, but she had to find the captain.

Then at last she saw her. She was lying lifelessly on her back on the floor, her head at an awkward angle and streaming with blood. Arlei knelt beside her and searched for her pulse. Frightened tears welled in her eyes when she couldn't find it.

"No," she cried. "No, Captain..."

She hit her commbadge and coughed as she spoke. "Arlei to transporter room one. Transport the captain to sickbay. Arlei to sickbay. Medical Emergency."

Nothing happened. Either communication was still blocked or communication was down.

Not knowing what else to do, Arlei got hold of Kathryn and dragged her towards the doors. Coughing, she manually opened the doors and then dragged Kathryn outside. Smoke quickly filled the dark corridor and Arlei tried to close the doors as quickly as she could. She then dragged Kathryn away from the smog and tried her commbadge again.

"Arlei to transporter room one," she cried, tearful now. "Transport the captain to sickbay. Arlei to sickbay. Medical Emergency."

Again nothing happened. Now desperate, Arlei knelt beside Kathryn, tilted her head, and tried to give her mouth to mouth resuscitation.

"Breathe, Captain," she wept. "Please, breathe..."

But it was no use. The captain lay still beneath her. Perfectly still. And Arlei had no more breath to give. Her chest was tight and she collapsed beside the captain, heaving from asphyxiation.

At last she heard movement in the corridor and turned in the direction of the sound. Summoning all the breath that she could, she called out.

"Help us," she cried. "Help us, please..."

Within seconds, B'Elanna was beside her and Arlei tried to raise herself.

"The captain's dead," Arlei wept. "Not breathing..."

B'Elanna stared aghast at Kathryn's lifeless body and it was a moment before she could do or say anything. Then her senses and training kicked in. "We've got to get her to sickbay."

"Communication's not working," Arlei heard another woman say. "Can't get a transport..."

B'Elanna now turned to Ayala who was standing close by. "Go to transporter room one and request transport."

He didn't move, just stared at his captain in horror.

B'Elanna almost screamed at him. "Quickly!"

Ayala responded now and hurried down the corridor.

B'Elanna then turned back to Arlei who was clearly in shock and suffering from asphyxiation.

"We've got to get you to sickbay too," she said, coughing as the smoke hanging in the air began to irritate her throat.

"Not leaving her," Arlei wept. "Shouldn't have left her. All my fault..."

"She'll be alright," B'Elanna said, wrapping her arm around the trembling woman. "The Doctor will revive her."

He had too.

Harry suddenly came charging down the corridor, breathless and sweating.

"Harry," B'Elanna said as he approached. "Get Arlei to sickbay..."

"No," Arlei cried. "Not leaving her..."

Harry stared at the lifeless woman on the floor before them and his eyes widened in alarm when he realized it was the captain. "No," he said, "not the Captain..."

"She'll be alright," B'Elanna said. "Just get Arlei to sickbay."

* * *

Several of the ship's systems had been damaged during the explosion and Chakotay, Seven, and Tuvok tried to handle the crisis as best as they could from the bridge.

Chakotay questioned Tuvok. "How many crew members can now be accounted for?"

"Ninety eight and rising," Tuvok answered. "Lieutenant Torres and Arlei amongst them."

Chakotay felt a surge of relief at that. Evidently Arlei had managed to escape prior to the explosion. And if Engineering had been evacuated, there would be no casualties. Certainly no fatalities.

Ensign Wallis returned to the bridge and approached Chakotay. "The Captain wasn't at your quarters, Sir."

"Then she's probably gone to the mess hall to try and find out what's happening. Go and look for her."

"Yes, Sir."

Seven spoke next. "We may retrieve the warp core, Commander. The explosion was the result of the virus self destructing. It will no longer be a threat to us."

Chakotay addressed Tuvok. "Retrieve the warp core and store it in the holodeck." He then turned to Lieutenant Fielding. "Divide all uninjured crew into teams. I want repairs under way as soon as possible."

"Yes, Sir," he answered.

The doors to the bridge opened and this time B'Elanna came in. Her uniform was soiled by smoke, her face was dirty, and her eyes glazed, almost vacant. Chakotay approached her.

"You shouldn't be here," he said gently. "You need to go to sickbay."

"I'm fine," B'Elanna said, looking up at him. "It's...It's the captain..."

Chakotay flinched."What about her?"

Tears welled in B'Elanna's eyes. "She was there... caught in the explosion. We've sent her to sickbay."

Without a word, Chakotay pushed passed her and left the bridge.

* * *

Sickbay doors were unusually locked when Chakotay arrived there. He desperately rang the door chime and, a few moments later, the doors opened and Tom stood before him. His face was pale, his eyes heavy.

"Chakotay," he said quietly. "Come in."

Chakotay went in and froze in horror at the sight before him. It was as though he had walked into a nightmare. The worst nightmare imaginable. To his left, Kathryn was lying flat on a biobed, and to his right, there were two incubators, each containing what appeared to be a baby. The Doctor was attending to one, fixing a tube to its body. Inside the Doctor's office, Arlei and Harry were holding each other and weeping.

Chakotay could hardly get his words. "What's going on?"

"We had to remove the babies from the Captain," Tom said, trying hard to keep a grip on his own emotions. "We transported them directly from the womb to the incubator. They're going to be fine. Just fine."

Chakotay turned in his wife's direction. "And Kathryn?"

Tom put his hand on Chakotay's arm and struggled to find the words. "She suffered severe brain trauma," he said at last. "There was nothing we could do. I'm so sorry."

Chakotay stared at Tom for a long moment. The agony on his face was terrible to behold and Tom never wanted to see such a look on another humanoid again. "No," Chakotay said quietly, struggling to breathe. "No ... not Kathryn..."

"I'm so sorry," Tom said again, not knowing what else to say. "I'm so sorry."

Dazed, bewildered, Chakotay walked away from him and wandered over to where Kathryn lay. She was dressed in a long white robe and her ginger hair tumbled over her shoulders. There was no sign of injury. She looked as though she was sleeping. With a trembling hand, Chakotay reached out and touched her face. She was cold. So cold.

He shook his head and then turned to the Doctor who was now watching him. "You've got to help her, Doctor. You've got to do something."

The Doctor walked over to him and stood very close.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Her injuries were too severe."

"I don't believe it," Chakotay cried. "There's got to be something...Look at her...Look at her... she looks alright...she..."

"Lieutenant Paris restored her appearance, Commander," the Doctor said. "But we can't repair her brain. The damage was too severe. I'm sorry."

Chakotay was weeping now. "But there has to be something." He turned back to Kathryn and looked down at her. "She can't be dead. She can't. Not Kathryn. Not my Kathryn. Please..."

Tom had to look away from the scene and wished he could fly a million light years away from what was happening.

"I'm sorry," the Doctor said again. "I'm so sorry."

Chakotay collapsed on a stool beside the bed and stared down at his wife, touching her forehead, her cheeks, her lips. "No," he wept. "No, Kathryn. Please... Please..."

But she didn't move. She just lay there, lifeless and cold. And there was nothing he could do. There was nothing he could do to give her life again. Her heart was still and no breath left her body. Kathryn was gone. His Kathryn was gone. Never again would her blue eyes open and look into his. Never again would he hear her laugh or talk or shout orders to him on the bridge. Her lips would be forever still.

It was too much to bear. Chakotay cried out in absolute despair and then gathered Kathryn in his arms and crushed her against him as agonizing sobs racked his body.

**END OF CHAPTER TWENTY**


	22. Aftermath

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY ONE**

**AFTERMATH**

Stars were still all around. Chakotay stood before the window in his quarters and stared vacantly into the vastness of space. It was a black void. Just like his soul. How long it had been since Kathryn had died, he didn't know. Days, perhaps. Hours. Time was all of a sudden meaningless and passed like both a second and an eternity.

The door chime sounded, but Chakotay was deaf to it. He was lost in a world of his own. A world of endless night and bitter cold.

"Chakotay..."

The voice was B'Elanna's. It sounded far away, like someone speaking in a dream.

"Chakotay..."

He turned in the direction of it now and found B'Elanna standing beside him.

"I don't mean to intrude," she said quietly. "I was just concerned. You've been in here for almost two days."

The words hardly registered with Chakotay. Two days, a week. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

"Why?" he asked tearfully. "Why did she have to die?"

"I don't know," B'Elanna answered.

"I can't go on without her. Her heart was my heart. If it no longer beats, then I am dead too."

"You have too, Chakotay," B'Elanna said, putting her hand on his arm. "You have to ... for the babies. They need you."

"I can't even look at them," he said, turning away from her. "I can't look at anything that reminds me of her. And yet I can think of nothing but her. I can see nothing but her. But all I can see is her lying on that bed in sickbay, her body still and cold. Every time I close my eyes I see it. And I don't want too. I don't want to think of her that way." He paused. "And yet if I don't, if I see her laughing or talking or walking around, I can't believe that she's gone. I think she's still here, think that she'll walk into the room any moment and everything will be like before. And if I think that ... that she's still here, it just kills me when I remember that she's gone."

"I'm so sorry," B'Elanna said. "I'm so sorry."

"I just want it all to go away," he said. "Just want her back here with us..."

He could say no more as tears choked him and all B'Elanna could do was draw him close and hold him tight.

* * *

_The sun was shining. It was a glorious day. All around was luscious green grass, blowing in a soft southern breeze, and it stretched far into a horizon of white light. Chakotay raised his hand to shelter his eyes from the dazzle._

_"Remember this place?"_

_Chakotay turned around at the sound of Kathryn's voice and saw her standing before him. She was wearing a red dress, a dress he had seen her in before, a long time ago, and her long hair was neatly pulled back from her face._

_"Kathryn..."_

_"It's the place you first told me that you loved me. "She looked up at the sky. "It's the place I first knew I loved you." She looked around now. "Such a beautiful place. A place I have visited a million times in my dreams." She looked back at him and smiled a wonderful smile. It faded as she saw the pain in his eyes._

_"But you look so sad. There's so much pain in your eyes."_

_Chakotay stepped closer. "Why did you leave me, Kathryn?"_

_"I'll never leave you," she answered. "I'll always be with you. We're a part of each other. Your heart is my heart. My heart is yours. I'm not dead. My heart beats inside you. I'll always live there. And I'll always live on in our children. Our darling, precious children. Take care of them, Chakotay. Love them like you've always loved me and then I know they'll have all the love they could ever need. And when you think of me, don't be sad. Remember the love we shared, the love we made, the love that created life. And whenever you need me, I'll be here. I'll always be here."_

_Chakotay reached out and took her in his arms, holding her close. Kathryn lay her cheek next to his and held him in return. As her arms closed around him, the terrible ache in Chakotay's heart began to subside._

Chakotay lay in his bed and stared up at the ceiling. Remnants of tears stained his cheeks and he held a pillow to his chest. He had awoken holding it, had awoken holding Kathryn. And he didn't want to let her go.

_I'll always be with you_. Her words drifted back to him, echoing softly. _My heart beats inside you. I'll always live there. And I'll always live on in our children. Our darling, precious children. Take care of them..._

Chakotay sat up and wiped away his tears. He believed that the spirits of the dead could talk with a person in a vision or in a dream, and he believed that Kathryn had been talking to him then. She was worried about him, about the babies, worried that he was neglecting them. But he would take care of them. He would love them with all that he was and all that he could be. Just as he had always loved Kathryn. And he would make sure they knew what a wonderful woman their mother was and that they grew up to love her.

He got out of bed, put on his uniform, and left for sickbay.

* * *

Sickbay was deserted when Chakotay arrived there. The lights were low and an eerie silence hung in the air. The bed where Kathryn had lay was empty now, no sign she had ever been there. Chakotay stared at it for a few moments and then made his way over to his son and daughter lying in two incubators in the distance. As he drew nearer, he could see them more clearly, and a million emotions stirred in his heart at the sight of their tiny forms. Inside the first incubator, lying on a pink heated blanket, was a perfect little girl with a mop of black hair. Her eyes were closed and her arms were spread to the side, her hands clenched in fists. Wires and tubes were attached to her body, and a layer of soft hair covered her delicate skin. Chakotay gazed at her for a long time before moving to the next incubator and looking at his son. He was lying on a blue heated blanket and was a little longer and fatter, but his head of black fluffy hair was still smaller than an orange.

The Doctor emerged from his office and watched Chakotay a while before walking over to him.

"Amazing, aren't they?"

Chakotay turned to the Doctor. "They will be alright, won't they?"

"They're going to be just fine. Silvia's 3lb 1oz and Silvesta's 3lb 8ozs. Those are good weights, especially for twins. They're just needing a little help to breathe at the moment because of the immaturity of their lungs. But in about ten to fourteen days, they'll be able to breathe on their own." He gave a sad smile. "Then you'll be able to give them a cuddle."

Chakotay gazed at the babies and a tear ran down his cheek. "You heard the Doctor," he said quietly. "Everything will be alright. And just remember that I love you both very much and am going to take care of you always."

* * *

"I know this isn't a good time," Tom said, entering Chakotay's quarters the following afternoon, "but there'll never be a good time. We've really got to discuss the captain's memorial service."

Chakotay turned away from him and wandered over to the window.

"I want a traditional captain's service. It's what she would have wanted. I want no compromises. She deserves the best that we can give." Tears flooded his eyes. "But I can't, Tom ... Will you?"

Tom went over to him and lay his hand on Chakotay's shoulder. "Of course. I'll take care of everything. You don't have to do a thing."

Chakotay turned to him now. "And thank you."

"What for?"

"For making her look so beautiful. For taking away the wounds that took her life."

Tom fought the tears and squeezed Chakotay's arm. "The least I could do."

Chakotay turned again to the window and gazed out. Tom looked at him pitifully. He looked exhausted, dishevelled, and unshaved hair covered his cheeks.

"Have you had something to eat?"

"I had some scambled eggs this morning," Chakotay replied.

"You need more than that. Let me replicate you something..."

"I'm prefectly capable of replicating my own food," Chakotay cried, turning to him. "I just want to be left alone. Please."

"Alright" Tom said quietly. "But don't hesitate to call me if there's anything I can do. Okay?"

Chakotay nodded and Tom put his hand to Chakotay's arm again and then left.

Alone again, Chakotay wandered from the window into the nursery. It was so quiet there. So still and quiet. Chakotay stood in the middle of the room and looked around. It was such a happy room. So bright and cheerful. But it felt empty now. Cold. Haunted. The entire quarters seemed haunted. The whole ship. Kathryn's ghost was everywhere. He could see her now, wiping her brow and laughing as she painted Little Bo Peep next to the window.

The door chime sounded and Chakotay slowly made his way into the living room.

"Come in," he cried, his voice sharper than he intended.

Arlei came in. She was pale and dark shadows circled her violet eyes.

"I know you must want to be alone," she said. "But there's something I think I should share with you."

"Not now, Arlei," he said, wiping his brow. "I don't want the details right now..."

"No," she said. "It's not about what happened. I don't want to think about that either. Not that I can think of anything else." Tears filled her eyes and she fought to hold them back. "No, it's about what to do now. Something that might save the captain."

Chakotay stilled at this and then looked up at her. "What do you mean save her?"

"Bring her back to life."

Chakotay walked away from her and returned to the window. "She's dead, Arlei. There's nothing we can do."

"I think there is. If you'll only listen..."

"To what? That we go back in time and try and save her? We don't have that kind of technology."

"I know that. It isn't what I mean at all. There's a legend ... amongst my people. It's to do with the empire and a place called Elissia. It was said to be a place of miracles that could revive the dead and the dying. It was said to be a pool of pure water and light dwelling in a holy mountain on the ninth planet of the eighth sun. We have to be close to it."

Chakotay turned to her slowly. "A place of miracles?"

She nodded. "People from all over the empire would go there in the hope of being healed. Over the centuries, many tales were told, some fantastical, about people on the verge of death being brought back to life, even of the dead coming to life again. I know it sounds unbelievable, but miracles that happened there are well documented. How they happened, no one has ever known. There have been many theories as there are many faiths amongst my people. Some say it was the dwelling place of Morvera, the goddess of life. Others that it was created by the one supreme god of the universe. Others that it was a gift from the gods or a portal to the spiritual realm where body could be reunited with spirit. Those of no faith have either dismissed the tales and documents as fabrication, or have said there was some unknown healing properties within the water and light. Some even believe it was the gateway to another galaxy where superior beings would heal the wounded, cure the sick, and give life to the dead."

"I'm a spiritual man," Chakotay said quietly. "I believe such miracles are possible. But do you think this place still exists?"

"I think there's a chance. It may have been destroyed during the war with the Juva, but there's a chance that it wasn't. The Juva caused most of the devstation by destroying our greatest cities and infecting our people with a terrible disease. And it's unlikely a species would destroy a place that could revive the dying and cure the sick. They would more likely capture it and use it for themselves."

Chakotay considered. "But if a species had access to such a place of miracles, how could they become extinct?"

"According to legend, a person can only be healed by the water once in a lifetime. If they go in a second time, they will revert to what they were before they went in the first. If they go in a third time, they will die. If my history is correct, the Juva were wiped out by the same disease they infected our people with. Elissia wouldn't have been able to protect them against an epidemic. Not in the long term." She paused. "Not one of the eight solar systems we've explored so far has a ninth planet that is m-class, but we still have two solar systems left to explore. I think we should look for it. I think we should look for it and, if we find it, take the captain there."

A glimmer, just a glimmer, of new found hope shone in Chakotay's eyes. "I agree. We once had an Ocampa aboard called Kes. She was severely injured when she entered a holy shrine on a planet we were visiting. The Doctor tried to heal her, but nothing worked. He couldn't wake her up. The people believed that ancestral spirits controlled the shrine and that only they could give life back to Kes. The Captain took Kes into the shrine and she did wake up. It may have been the ancestral spirits, or it may have been some unknown property within the shrine, but whatever it was, it worked. Kes was healed." He hit his commbadge. "Chakotay to all senior staff. Report to the briefing room immediately."

* * *

The senior staff glanced at each other in concern as Chakotay told them the legend of Elissia and his resolution to find it and take the captain there. For a long moment after he had finished, everyone was uncomfortably silent and all eyes seemed to shift to B'Elanna, who now routinely joined all staff meetings. Next to Kathryn, she had always been the person closest to Chakotay, and she knew that everyone was waiting for her to put into words what was on their minds.

"It's only a legend, Chakotay," she said at last. "The chances of it being true, the chances of there even being such a planet, must be almost non existent."

"But not impossible," Chakotay answered. "It's a famous legend in Arlei's culture. There has to be some truth to it."

"Some truth, perhaps," B'Elanna answered. "But you know as well as I do how legends are distorted over the years, almost beyond recognition. If this Elissia does exist, we're probably talking about no more than a regular spring that dried up centuries ago."

"Regular springs don't revive the dead," Chakotay said.

"No they don't," B'Elanna replied. She then bit her lip in regret at her bluntness. "But they may have helped heal ulcers and flesh wounds. We're talking about a civilization that existed thousands of years ago. The people who went to this pool may only have bathed two or three times a year. Washing their wounds would help them heal."

"They were space faring people," Chakotay argued. "Of course they bathed. What happened in that place defied their knowledge and understanding. To people of all faiths, even to those of none, it was a place of miracles."

"But do they happen, Chakotay? Do miracles really happen?"

"Yes," he answered. "They happen all the time. Our survival in the Delta Quadrant was a miracle. Our deliverance from the Voril was a miracle. Every child born is a miracle. And don't forget what happened to Kes. What happened to her was a miracle too."

"Kes was only dying because she went into the shrine in the first place. There was nothing miraculous about it. Whatever it did to her, it probably undid."

"B'Elanna's right," Tom said, joining the discussion at last. "A holy place that can revive the dead? Come on, Chakotay. Such things belong to fairy stories."

"A holy place is just one theory. There are others."

"Like a gateway to another galaxy or the dwelling place of a goddess." He ran his hand through his hair. "I understand how much you want this to be true, Chakotay, and can't imagine what you're going through. But listen to your head on this, not your heart."

"I'm listening to both," he said. "And both are telling me the same thing. We need to find this planet. And while you may not believe in miracles, or gods and goddesses, just remember that some of us do!"

Tom buried his head in his hands. "I wasn't meaning to be disparaging of your culture, Chakotay. I know you're a spiritual man. But surely even you can see how unlikely this is."

"It's the most documented and most popular of all legends," Arlei said. "Even it's location is documented."

"Ninth planet of such and such a solar system," Tom said. "How do we even know this is the region the legend was referring too? There must be thousands of solar systems in the galaxy."

"But ten solar systems very close together with a wormhole nearby leading to the region of the Delta Quadrant where my people dwell? This has to be the place. And while the remains we found don't prove anything, they prove that there was once a civilization in this solar system."

Seven now spoke. "We have explored eight of these solar systems and none contained an m-class ninth planet."

"No, but there are two solar systems left to explore."

"And we intend to explore them," Tom said. "If this Elissia really does exist, then we'll find it."

"Exactly," Chakotay cried. "So what is the problem?"

"We're just concerned," B'Elanna said. "Concerned that you're escaping to a fantasy because you can't accept reality."

"Then your concern is unwarranted," Chakotay replied, getting to his feet. "I'm well aware of what is real. I'm well aware that the captain is lying lifeless and cold in the morgue from a brain injury the Doctor can't cure. I'm well aware that I'll probably never hear her voice again or see her smile. And I'm well aware that our babies will probably never so much as get to meet their mother. I'm aware of it every moment of every second and the pain is killing me. But there's a chance, just a chance, that Elissia may exist, and I want us to search for it. I want us to go to a region of space between the two solar systems and scan them both. If one of them has an m-class ninth planet, then I want us to go there." He got to his feet. "And it's no longer open for discussion. Seven, plot us a course to a region where we can get intense scans of both solar systems. B'Elanna, I want a report on the status of Engineering within an hour. We're going in search of Elissia as soon as possible." He turned to the window. "Dismissed."

At that, everyone left the room, concern on all their faces. Only Tuvok remained. When the doors closed behind the last officer, Tuvok went over to his First Officer.

"For what my opinion is worth, I believe you are correct in pursuing this possibility. If the Captain was still with us, she would pursue it also." He paused. "The merits of my logic have been brought into question of late, with good reason. But I do not believe my logic was flawed, only my actions. I should have had faith in the Captain. I undermined her authority and questioned her judgment, and for that I will always bear regret." He paused again. "But I shall not forget her words to me. She said that logic surrenders, but love never gives up. And the wisdom of those words are evident now. Lieutenant Torres and Paris believe a place of healing waters is illogical and therefore would not pursue a search for Elissia. But your love for the Captain gives you faith and hope that what at first appears to be untrue is true. And the existence of such a place is not impossible. And what is not impossible, is therefore possible. And it is only logical to pursue a possibility. You have my full support, Commander."

Chakotay turned to the Vulcan now and put his hand on his shoulder. "Thank you, Tuvok."

* * *

The bridge was deserted when Chakotay arrived there. He walked slowly from the turbo lift to where he and Kathryn had sat side by side for years, and for the longest time he just stared at her vacant chair. Tears welled in his eyes as he saw a ghost of Kathryn sitting there, her hair swept up in a bun, smiling at him and then laughing. As he took his seat he could hear her talk.

_Is there a different animal guide for everyone?_

_Actually yes._

_Let me guess. Yours is a bear._

_Why do you say that?_

_You strike me as the bear type..._

The vision and voices faded now and he saw an older Kathryn sitting there, her hair in a bob, and her hand extended to him.

Chakotay looked away and clenched his fists in an attempt to contain his grief and anger. It was so unfair. Kathryn had risked her life so many times, had been in extreme danger so many times, but had always, always, survived. It didn't seem fair that a computer virus could claim her life.

"Engineering report."

Chakotay looked up and found B'Elanna looking down at him.

"Thank you," he said, taking the padd.

"It isn't good," she said. "The place was virtually gutted. We're going to have to build it up from scratch. It will take some time."

"How long?"

"A week, perhaps. A month. It depends how many people we have on the job. But as we won't be able to go anywhere until repairs are complete, I suggest having every crew member working on it. That way it'll be done faster."

Chakotay got to his feet. "This virus," he asked, "has it definitely gone?"

"Without a doubt. We've run a full system search and there's no trace of it."

Chakotay clenched his fist again, anger once more surfacing."What I don't understand is how it was overlooked in the first place. Why didn't someone detect it? We haven't been in contact with any species for weeks! There was plenty of time!"

"It had disguised itself as one of our files. Our regular virus detection program wouldn't have picked it up. To pick it up, we would have had to run a full diagnostic on every single program to see if there were more files in existence than there should have been. That's hardly ever done. We rely on the computer to detect viruses. It usually does."

"Usually isn't good enough, B'Elanna! It's damn well not good enough! If that virus had been detected before it started messing with our systems, Kathryn would still be alive!"

"It wouldn't have made any difference. It was programmed to cause an explosion if it was accessed."

"But we may have been able to delete it without accessing it!"

Tears welled in B'Elanna's eyes. "It's not my fault, Chakotay. It wasn't my job!"

Chakotay buried his head in his hands. "I'm not saying it's your fault, B'Elanna. I'm just saying all this shouldn't have happened. It was someone's job to find that virus and destroy it before it destroyed us. If Kathryn hadn't given the order to eject the warp core..."

"I know," B'Elanna said quietly. Voyager would have been obliterated.

Chakotay looked up. "Any more ideas where this virus came from?"

"We'll never know. But it's most likely to have been planted by the Voril. They had the perfect opportunity to do it when we were contesting with them for Roxa and Vixi."

Chakotay leant against the bar dividing the bridge, his head lowered. "And Tuvok's been in the brig. As Chief of Security, viruses were his domain."

B'Elanna saw tears flood Chakotay's eyes and she put her hand on his shoulder as a small gesture of comfort.

At the feel of it, Chakotay drew away from her.

"I never want this to happen again," he said. "I want a program devised that will perform a file count on every single program, every single day, and alert us of any extraneous files that appear."

"I'll get someone to work on it," B'Elanna said.

"And you'll tell no one that it was probably the Voril. Tell Arlei, Seven, and Tuvok that they are to be silent too. If anyone asks, say it was in the system for months. I don't want Roxa and Vixi to have to deal with it. They've been through enough."

"Understood," she said.

Chakotay returned to the bar, and B'Elanna looked at him sadly for a moment before leaving the bridge.

* * *

Engineering was a wreck. Repairs hadn't even started yet. Crewmembers were still clearing away debris. Chakotay walked through the clutter, his anger and frustration growing.

"Why the hell is all this debris still here?"

Lieutenant Carter approached him. "With everything that's happened, Sir, clearing has been progressing slowly. Everyone's upset."

Chakotay scoffed. "Mourning for the captain is over! There's a way we may be able to save her and we're going to do our damnedest to try." He picked up a piece of debris and then threw it across the floor as he spoke. "But we won't get far while this place is in ruins! I want every available crewmember working on this immediately. Understand?"

"But, Sir!"

"Immediately!"

From the corner of his eye, Chakotay saw a rainbow of colors and turned to it. Flowers of all kinds lay on pieces of debris, some in bunches, some in wreaths. Chakotay walked towards them.

"What's this?"

Carter shifted uncomfortably. "That's where the captain was found, Sir. Arlei put some flowers there. Others have too."

"I want them removed," Chakotay replied. "I want every last one removed!"

The colors all merged together as tears flooded his eyes and he felt as though his chest was constricting. He had to look away, had to escape the place where Kathryn had died. Without another word, he fled from Engineering. Outside, in a lonely corridor, he leant against the wall and tried to reclaim his breath.

* * *

"Brandy."

The replicator in Chakotay's quarters responded. _Specify quantity_.

"Just a bottle of brandy. Any damn bottle of brandy!"

_Small or large._

"Large. A large bottle of brandy!"

A bottle materialized and Chakotay picked it up. He was just about to open it and take a drink, when he heard soft sobs coming from the bedroom. He turned around and found that the doors were open. He put down the bottle and walked towards the room slowly. No one was supposed to be in his quarters. Not even Petal as she was with Naomi.

When he reached the doorway, Chakotay saw it was Vixi. She was lying on the bed, weeping, and clutching Kathryn's nightdress to her body. At the sight of the child's pain, Chakotay's anger began to subside. For a moment he felt ashamed, ashamed that he'd been acting as though he had the monopoly on grief. Everyone loved Kathryn, and every one was missing her.

He went over to the bed and sat on it. How Vixi had got into his quarters, he didn't know. Perhaps he had left the doors open or unlocked when he left. Anything was possible. His mind was a pit of confusion. As he reached out to stroke the child's hair, Vixi raised herself into his arms and held onto him tight.

* * *

Chakotay held Vixi in his arms as he rang the door chime on Roxa's quarters. In moments, the doors opened and Roxa appeared. Her face was tear stained and her eyes red from crying.

"I found this little one in my quarters," Chakotay said.

The woman's eyes widened in fear. "I'm sorry, Sir," she said, "I'm so sorry. Please don't hurt her. We never use it. Would never use it to cause harm. Please..."

Chakotay was confused now. "Use what?"

"Our powers." The woman then gasped as she realized Chakotay hadn't known what she was talking about. "She didn't, did she?"

"I probably left my quarters unlocked," he said. He put Vixi to her feet and put his hand on Roxa's shoulder. "But I think we need to talk. Don't you?"

Roxa nodded and then stepped aside. "Come in."

Chakotay went in and Roxa gestured to a chair. "Please, sit."

Chakotay sat and Roxa sat opposite him. Vixi watched from the doorway, her little body trembling from confusion and fear.

"We've always had it," Roxa said. "The power. I don't know what else to call it. It's what made us so frightening to our people. They didn't have it. Only us Karik. Our different apearance they could tolerate, in the hope it meant superior intelligence, and something they tried to correct. Every batch of babies had different coloring. But the power frightened them. They didn't know what they had created."

Chakotay questioned. "What kind of power?"

Roxa turned to her daughter. "Show him, Vixi."

"I can't, Mama," she wept. "I can't..."

Chakotay turned to her. "I'd like to see what you can do."

Vixi hesitated, and then stepped out of the shadows. She walked over to the table and then glanced at her mother. The woman gave a reassuring nod and Vixi focussed all her attention on a cup on the table. The cup shook slightly, and then lifted off the table for a second before crashing down as the child lost concentration.

"All I can do, Mama," she wept.

"And it was very impressive," Chakotay said kindly. "Well done." He then turned to Roxa. "It's called telekinesis... the ability to move objects by thought alone."

Roxa stared at him in surprise. "Then you know of this?"

Chakotay nodded. "Different species have different abilities. Some species are telepathic, like Vulcans and Ocampas, and they can read each others thoughts. Humans in general don't have psychic abilities, but for centuries, telekinesis, telepathy and other psychic abilities have been reported amongst my species."

Roxa lowered her eyes. "Do you ... do you destroy such individuals?"

"Not at all. We respect and celebrate all differences. You and Vixi don't have to hide what you are here."

Roxa looked up at him. "Thank you, Sir."

Chakotay then got to his feet. "Well, I won't keep you any longer."

Roxa got up too and bridged the gap between them. "It was good of you to bring Vixi to me. I'm sorry she went into your quarters uninvited. It won't happen again."

"It's alright," Chakotay said. "She just wanted to be close to Kathryn. I understand." He paused as tears once again threatened to overwhelm him. "Now, if you'll excuse me."

"Of course, Commander," she replied, and she and Vixi watched as he left their quarters.

* * *

The warp core lay in tact on the floor in holodeck two. Chakotay surveyed it with Seven, checking to see if there was any damage.

"It appears to be in perfect condition," Seven said.

The former drone was pale, and, despite her calm exterior, Chakotay knew that she was grieving too. Kathryn had always been many things to her. A mentor, a friend, sometimes a mother. Just like she had been to all the crew.

"Once seventy percent of repairs are complete," she continued, "we can return it to Engineering."

Chakotay looked up at the core and wished that it was in action already, that they were already traveling at warp speed to find Elissia.

"Well," Seven said, unsure what to do or what to say now that her task was complete. "I had better return to Engineering and help with repairs."

Chakotay didn't answer, and Seven didn't wait for him to do so.

As she left, Chakotay's eyes wandered away from the warp core to the empty space around him. He was alone. Completely alone.

"Computer," he said. "Lock the doors. Deny access."

_Access denied_.

"Run program _JC Log Cabin 2377."_

Instantly, he found himself inside the log cabin that had occupied a special place in both his and Kathryn's heart. A copper fire burnt in the hearth, and outside the window, soft snow fell against a black sky.

"Computer," Chakotay said. "Install character Kathryn Janeway."

Within seconds, a holographic Kathryn materialized before him. She was dressed in her Starfleet uniform, her hair in a bob, and she stared vacantly ahead, standing perfectly still.

_Identify desired persona for Kathryn Janeway._

Chakotay didn't respond. He just bridged the gap between himself and the hologram and brushed his fingers against her cheek.

_I repeat. Identify desired persona for Kathryn Janeway._

Tearfully, Chakotay turned away from the hologram. "End program," he cried. "End program."

Kathryn and the log cabin instantly vanished. Chakotay fell to his knees and wept softly. It had been so tempting. So tempting to recreate Kathryn and everything he had shared with her. But he couldn't do it. It would have been wrong, so wrong, and nothing but a hollow illusion, a cheap imitation, and would have betrayed her and their love and everything they had been together.

* * *

The morgue was deathly quiet. Deathly cold. Chakotay stood over Kathryn's body and gazed tearfully at his wife. Her hair streamed over the white robe she was wearing and her face was white, her lips blue. The ring he had given her on their wedding day was still on her finger and her hands were folded over her now thin waist. Even in death she was so beautiful. Chakotay kissed a red rose he held in his hand and lay it between her hands, resting it on her chest. He then brushed his fingers against her face as a silent tear ran down his cheek. 

"We'll find Elissia," he whispered. "I promise you we'll find it."

**END OF CHAPTER TWENTY ONE**


	23. Elissia: Part One

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY TWO**

**ELISSIA**  
**Part One**

Repairs to Engineering had taken just over a week, and Voyager was once more warp capable and soaring through space a thousand times faster than the speed of light. Already Seven had begun intensive scans of the two last solar systems, and within an hour or two, they would know whether one of them contained a ninth planet that was m-class.

The sleeping baby boy in Chakotay's arms, however, was oblivious to all that was going on around him, and just moved his mouth or crinkled his nose every now and again. Silvia was still on a ventilator, but Silvesta was able to breathe on his own now. The feelings Chakotay had felt when the Doctor first placed the tiny being in his arms were overwhelming, and they were no less powerful now.

Stevie at last woke up and moved his arm, spreading out his tiny little fingers. Chakotay kissed them, and put his own little finger into the child's hand. The baby gripped it tight.

"Some grip there," B'Elanna said, gazing at the baby in adoration. "I think he's going to be every bit as strong as his daddy."

"Though not quite so tall," the Doctor said, approaching them. "My projection gives him a height of five foot eleven, compared to the Commander's six feet."

"A good size," B'Elanna smiled. "Not too tall and not too small."

The Doctor looked at Stevie fondly. "It seems a shame to disturb him, he looks so contented. But he really should go back into his incubator. He's still very vulnerable."

Chakotay kissed Stevie's head, freed his finger, and then passed his son to the Doctor. As he did so, the baby began to cry.

"Missing his daddy already," B'Elanna smiled. "But there sure is nothing wrong with those lungs. He could compete with Miral any day." She then got to her feet. "Tom and I are meeting in the mess hall for lunch in about ten minutes, want to join us, Chakotay?"

"No, thank you," he answered. "I want to go and see how Seven is getting on in astrometrics."

B'Elanna looked at him sadly. "I want to believe as much as you do that this Elissia exists, Chakotay, but it's so unlikely. Arlei should never have told you about it. It isn't fair to give you false hopes. It's cruel even."

"Then what should she have done? Kept silent? Let us cast Kathryn's body into space and then, if we happen to come across Elissia, tell us about it when it's too late?"

"B'Elanna's right," the Doctor said, leaving the incubator and addressing Chakotay. "You're not accepting that the Captain has gone. You're not grieving. Instead, you're holding on to a dream that this Elissia, this place of miracles, will revive her."

"It may be only a dream to you, Doctor," Chakotay replied, "but it isn't to me. And it isn't to Arlei. Miracles happened there."

"Arlei's no more coping with the captain's death than you are," the Doctor continued. "She's riddled with guilt, and that guilt is blinding her to reason. She wants this legend of Elissia to be true because she doesn't want to accept that the captain has gone either."

"Miracles happened there. And there's a chance it still exists."

"The captain suffered extensive injury to the brain. Do you really think that water and light can mend such damage? That they can breathe life into her lungs and make her heart beat?"

"Yes," Chakotay cried. "Who knows what is in that place! There are many things in the universe beyond our understanding, and I'm not arrogant enough to think that we have all the answers. My mind isn't big enough to comprehend all the mysteries of our existence. And there are intelligences beyond ours. There are species more advanced. Something was going on in Elissia all those years ago. What, I don't know. But I do know that we've got to try and find it, even if it means going down to a planet and searching every inch of a mountain by foot. We owe it to Kathryn." He paused. "And don't forget, Doctor. You're made of light. Yet you can heal."

Without another word, he left sickbay.

* * *

Alone in his quarters, Chakotay wept. It had been almost two weeks now since the explosion, and for all that time, he had been living in this cold and empty world. He was lost without Kathryn. A soul trapped in a black abyss. When he thought about things rationally, a place of water and light that could revive the dead, did seem to be nothing but a hollow fantasy. But he had to believe in Elissia. He had to believe there was hope.

His eyes wandered around the room and he saw Petal lying on the floor, her head on her paws, her ears flopped. She was missing Kathryn profoundly and had stopped eating too. Nothing could stimulate her attention, not even Naomi, and all that was keeping her alive was nutrient injections the Doctor gave her twice a day. It was as though she knew Kathryn wasn't coming back and, in giving up her hope, had given up on life.

Chakotay was just about to pick the dog up, when Seven's voice sounded over the comm.

"Seven of Nine to Commander Chakotay."

It was a moment before he was able to respond. If she told him scans were complete and there was no ninth m-class planet in either system...

He took a deep breath and summoned all his courage. "Chakotay here."

"Intensive scans of both solar systems are complete. One contains an inhabited m-class planet in fourth position from the sun, and the other contains three, all uninhabited, in third, fifth, and ninth position."

A ninth planet that was m-class. Chakotay could hardly breath.

Seven continued. "I'm performing a full planetary analysis of the ninth planet."

Again it was a moment before Chakotay could respond. "I'll be right there."

* * *

A planet that very much resembled Earth rotated slowly on the screen in astrometrics. Chakotay looked up at it, along with Arlei, B'Elanna, and Seven.

"Forty percent of the planet's surface is covered with water," Seven said, "and many lifeforms have been detected, but no humanoids or mammals of any kind."

Chakotay questioned. "Are there any mountains?"

"There are several, all above 10,000 feet."

"Any containing a pool?"

"Our scanners are unable to penetrate the rock to determine what is within."

"Then we'll just have to explore those mountains on foot. Elissia has to be in one of them."

"It would take us weeks," B'Elanna cried.

"I don't care how long it takes. We'll..."

Arlei interrupted. "The highest mountain. I'm sure according to legend it was located in the heart of the highest mountain."

Seven worked her console and isolated a section of the planet on the viewscreen and then magnified it. "That would be this mountain. It's over 15,000 feet tall and five miles in diameter."

Chakotay questioned again. "How long until we're in transporter range?"

"Approximately 4 hours. But it will be dark in that region of the planet at that time. Dawn will not break there for another eight hours, which will make it middle of the night here."

"Time doesn't matter," Chakotay answered. "As soon as light hits that mountain, we'll start to explore it."

B'Elanna looked at him incredulously. "We're talking about miles and miles of mountain! Even if this Elissia is inside it somewhere, how are we going to find it?"

"If people went there to be healed, there has to be some point of entry. A cave, perhaps, a tunnel. We'll find it. Even if we have to search every inch of that mountain."

Seven pulled up another image on the screen. "A search may not be necessary. Scans of the mountain reveal a cave or cavity of undeterminable depth, 2,000 feet above sea level. It's the only one of it's kind on the mountain."

"Then we'll explore that first," Chakotay said firmly. He then turned to Arlei. "You and I will transport to the mountain as soon as dawn breaks on it."

* * *

Protective gear would be necessary to entire the cave, so Chakotay replicated some in his quarters. He couldn't bear to use the ready room. It was Kathryn's room, where she belonged. Neither could he bear to sit in her seat on the bridge, or have any one address him as Captain. And he was glad that, so far, no one had. He also replicated a backpack so he could carry water, food, and a supply of oxygen just incase the air was thin or he and Arlei got trapped inside the mountain.

The door chime sounded and Chakotay turned to the door as he called out. "Come in."

Tuvok came in.

Chakotay looked at him coldly. Ever since he had learnt that it was probably the Voril who had planted the virus, the idea that Tuvok was to blame for Kathryn's death, had plagued his mind. If Tuvok hadn't done what he did, the Voril would never have had the chance to infect their computer with the virus, and the explosion that took Kathryn's life would never have happened.

"What do you want?"

"I believe that you and Arlei are going to investigate a possible passage way into the mountain at first light. It would be wise to have at least another crew member accompany you. I volunteer. My superior strength and psychic abilities may prove of value."

"We don't need your help," Chakotay said harshly. "You can't be trusted."

Chakotay's tone and manner took Tuvok by surprise. "Commander?"

"It's your fault, Tuvok. It's your fault the captain died. If you hadn't tried to send Roxa and Vixi back, the Voril would never have had the chance to put that virus in our system!"

Tuvok answered calmly. "There is no evidence that the Voril planted the virus."

"Maybe not, but it's damn obvious!"

"Assumption does not equal truth."

Chakotay clenched his fist, the anger of grief surfacing. "It must be so damn easy living in that Vulcan mind of yours! All is a box. Box upon box, all fitting perfectly into the other. Black and white. No variation. Tell yourself assumption does not equal truth if that helps you to sleep at night. But I know it was your fault. You killed her, Tuvok. You killed her!"

Tuvok was still for a long moment, his dark eyes indecipherable. Then he turned slowly, almost painfully, and left the room.

When he was gone, Chakotay leant against the back of a chair and tried to catch his breath, tried to fight the tears.

* * *

A bitterly cold wind blew across a barren mountain. Chakotay and Arlei looked around as they materialized, and saw a narrow opening in the rocks to their left. Struggling against the wind, they made their way into the cave. The light inside was poor, so the lights on their helmet automatically came on. Chakotay cast his eyes around, taking in all the details. Beneath their feet was black gritty soil, and the walls of the cave were black jagged rock. They seemed to stretch forward into a narrow tunnel of black infinity.

Chakotay pulled out his tricorder and tried to get readings, but the tricorder was unable to provide any information on what lay ahead, only on what was around them. Arlei found hers did the same. Chakotay put his tricorder away and pulled out his torch.

"We're going to have to do it like they did in the old days, rely only on light, knowledge, and instinct."

He began to walk down the tunnel, and Arlei followed. The sunlight from the entrance fell away as they walked deeper into the passage, and the air became colder.

After a while, they came to a winding corner. As they turned it, both torch and helmet light went out. They were lost in absolute darkness.

"Chakotay?"

Arlei's voice was fearful.

"I'm here," he said, reaching blindly for her.

As Arlei felt his arm against her body, she held on to it.

"There must be some kind of electromagnetic field interfering with our equipment," he said. "We'll have to go back and get torches of fire, like they used in the middle ages of the last millennium. Those'll help us see our way."

* * *

An hour later, Chakotay and Arlei were back in the tunnel, both of them carrying a torch of fire, and enough matches to keep it lighted for weeks. The light the torches cast was poor, but good enough for them to see their footing through the black passage.

"It seems to me that we're walking in a circle," Chakotay said as they turned more winding corners. "Like a maze, slowly getting to the center."

"If that's the case," Arlei replied, "it may take us days to reach the center."

"Part of the deal, perhaps. A way to separate the chaff from the wheat. Only the serious will make such a journey."

"But we don't have enough supplies to last days. We'll have to go back to the ship again and get some."

"Let's just see how far we get within the next couple of hours," he said, breaking away cobwebs that brushed against him. "The path may just be zig zag."

They walked on through the darkness, carefully making their way through the unknown territory, both eager to find something other than more tunnel ahead. But the tunnel just wound on and on and on.

And then it stopped.

There was no more tunnel. All that lay before them was a small cave of solid rock.

For a long moment, they both stared at it in complete dismay.

"No," Arlei said at last. "No, this can't be..."

Chakotay circled the wall of rock around them with his torch, desperately searching for a way to continue. But there was nothing. They had reached a dead end.

"Elissia has to be here," Arlei said tearfully. "It has to..."

"There must be another way in," Chakotay concluded. "Like I said. It's a maze. A puzzle. We have to find the right path."

"But Seven said this was the only point of entry..."

"Then she must be wrong." He turned around and began to walk the way they had come. "We need to get back to the ship. Perform further scans."

* * *

"I have scanned every inch of the mountain," Seven said as Chakotay questioned her in astrometrics. "There is no other point of entry into the mountain."

"But there has to be. Are you sure you're not missing something?"

"Positive. There are no other points of entry. This is the only one."

"Then it has to be the way to Elissia," Chakotay continued. "We must have missed something." He turned to Arlei who was standing beside B'Elanna. "We're going back. Somewhere along the way we must have missed a tunnel divergence."

B'Elanna stepped forward now. "You can't do this to yourself, Chakotay. You have to stop." Tears welled in her eyes as she said what she had dreaded having to say since he had first told them of the legend. "There is no Elissia. You have to accept it."

"No I don't," he cried. "There's something there, I just know it. There has to be. Why would there be a tunnel otherwise? Why would our technology fail?"

"I don't know. All kinds of reasons. Maybe other people have been here in search of Elissia too. Maybe gravity is crazy there which effects our technology. You have to let this go, Chakotay. You have to accept that you've done all you could..."

"I won't when it's not enough. I'm going back, and I'm searching every inch of those tunnels..."

B'Elanna raised her hand to her brow. It had been a long day, a long night, and she just knew that trying to reason with Chakotay about this would be pointless. He was blind to all sense. The only thing that would convince him that Elissia was just a myth, would be to realize it himself.

"Alright. But I think it would be best if we sent a team down with you. That way the job will get done faster."

* * *

Back in the mountain, Chakotay scrutinised the section of tunnel he had been assigned, hoping to find a narrow passage he and Arlei had missed, but there was nothing. Nothing but solid black rock.

"There's nothing here," B'Elanna said, slowly approaching him. "Everyone's going back to the ship."

Chakotay turned to her, his eyes wet with tears. "No. We can't give up. It's here. I know it's here."

"It's all solid rock, Chakotay. There's nothing."

"No, it's here. I know it's here. It has to be..."

"I wish it was," she said, a lump gathering in her throat. "I really wish it was. But it's nothing but a mountain, Chakotay. There's no Elissia. No place of miracles..."

Chakotay began to weep and turned to lean against a rock. B'Elanna went over to him and lay her hand on his back, caressing him softly.

"I really am sorry, Chakotay. So sorry."

Running footsteps suddenly echoed all around and Arlei appeared. "You'd better come, Commander. Tuvok's picking up something."

Without a word, Chakotay broke away from B'Elanna and followed Arlei back down the tunnel.

In minutes he reached Tuvok. The Vulcan was alone, his hands pressed firmly against a rock, his eyes closed.

Chakotay questioned. "What is it? What are you picking up?"

"Water," Tuvok answered. "I hear water. It's flowing. Can see it. Shining. Like crystal. I see a light. It's blinding. Descending from high. Merging with the water. They flow together. Falling."

Chakotay swallowed, hope once more filling his desperate heart. "Where is this?"

"Close. Yet far away. There's a hole. It leads to the waters. A black hole. A tunnel. It's dark. Can't see."

Chakotay looked around. "It's here somewhere," he said. "Elissia's here somewhere..."

He cast his torch around, straining his eyes to see something, anything, that would show them the way.

"The blackness is long," Tuvok continued. "Cold. I see rocks. A division. Dark and light."

Chakotay swung in the direction of the dead end. "It was sealed," he said, everything suddenly clear. "The entrance to Elissia was sealed so the Juva wouldn't find it. We've got to break through the rock."

He began to hurry down the tunnel, hurry to the dead end, and B'Elanna, Arlei, and Tuvok followed.

"The passage has to continue beyond this wall," Chakotay said, when they reached the cave." He turned to Tuvok. "Is this the division?"

Tuvok reached out and touched the wall of rock, concentrating hard. "The water is louder. The light brighter. But this is not the way. Ahead is only blackness."

He moved slowly along the wall in an anti clockwise direction. "Closer now. Warm. Warmer." He then suddenly stopped. "Here. The wall is hollow. Another side. Darkness. Then light. Blinding."

Chakotay shared a tearful glance with Arlei, who was now almost laughing from joy, and then he turned to B'Elanna. "We'll bring some explosives, just enough to break down this wall."

"It will have to be dynamite," B'Elanna said, her voice not quite her own, her tone bewildered as she tried to make sense of what was happening. " Dynamite, fuse, and a flame. I can't think of anything else that will work in here."

* * *

Chakotay and Arlei sat side by side beneath a great rock, sheltering from the wind, while B'Elanna took charge of creating a controlled explosion.

At last, she and her team emerged from the cave, and Chakotay stood up as she approached. "All ready?"

B'Elanna nodded. "If the tunnel is blocked, hopefully the explosion will clear away enough rock. But we don't know how much is there. We may have to do another explosion."

"As many as it takes," Chakotay answered.

Ayala reached them. "Everyone's out, Lieutenant."

B'Elanna turned to him. "Then ignite."

Ayala gave a nod, and hurried back into the cave. A few minutes later, he emerged and returned to them. Just as he reached them, there was a rumble in the distance.

B'Elanna smiled. "No need to ask if mission was accomplished."

Chakotay picked up his backpack. "How long until we can go into the tunnel?"

"I'd say a few hours," B'Elanna replied. "Just to be safe. We have no way of monitoring the tunnel, no way of knowing how stable it is. We don't want anyone to get trapped in there." She paused. "In fact, I think we should wait until tomorrow. It'll be dark here soon and it's been quite a day. We all need something to eat, some rest."

Chakotay hesitated, but then nodded. B'Elanna was right. As much as he wanted to find Elissia, he had to be practical. They were all tired, hungry, and there could still be a lot of exploring ahead of them.

"We'll come back down at first light," he said.

* * *

Chakotay lay in a soapy bath and washed himself slowly with a sponge and musk soap. He closed his eyes as the fragrance filled the air. It smelt like Kathryn, felt as though she was near...

The door chime sounded and Chakotay regretfully climbed out of the bath. He dried himself with a towel, and then put on his robe.

As he walked into the living room, the door chime sounded again. He called out.

"Come in."

B'Elanna came in. She carried a tray in her hands, several covered silver dishes on it.

"Tom's already eaten," she said, "so I thought you and I could have dinner together. Or lunch rather, seeing as it's not even midday yet. Then I'm going to hit the sack for a few hours. It's been a long night."

She put the tray down on the dining table and began to remove the dishes.

"Ouch! I didn't think they'd be so hot."

Chakotay watched as she took off the covers.

"Roast potatoes, peas, carrots, sweetcorn, nutroast and mint sauce. All suitable for vegetarians."

"You didn't have to, B'Elanna..." he said quietly.

"I know I didn't, but I wanted too. Besides, it didn't take five minutes with the replicator. We've a busy day tomorrow, or prehaps I should say tonight. You need good food inside you." B'Elanna noticed Chakotay's wet hair. "But it looks like you need to dry off first. You go and do that and I'll get everything ready. Alright if I use the replicator for drinks?"

Chakotay forced a smile. "Go right ahead."

With that, he disappeared into the bedroom and B'Elanna prepared the table.

Minutes later, Chakotay returned, dressed in black trousers and t-shirt, his hair now perfectly dry. He made his way over to the table and sat down.

"Smells wonderful."

B'Elanna smiled and sat opposite him.

Chakotay began to tuck into his food, and, while B'Elanna picked up her knife and fork, her attention was more on her friend than on her meal. She was worried about him. She still wasn't convinced that Elissia was what he believed it to be, and was worried how he would cope with the devastating disappointment.

"We made good progress today," she said cautiously, "and I have to admit I was surprised, but even if Tuvok's right and there is water and light inside this mountain, that doesn't mean they can heal."

Chakotay's hands stilled and then he looked up at her. "Everything about the legend so far seems to be true. There's every hope the rest of it will be too."

"Hope, yes," B'Elanna said. "But no certainty. There could just be some kind of natural wonder in there, a water fall perhaps, or a crevice through which sunlight falls."

"There's no other opening in the mountain. Seven scanned every inch of it."

"No opening that we could get into. But light could fall through a crack only centimeters wide. And if it falls on water, it could indeed look spectacular. But that doesn't mean it's a place of miracles. And who knows? Someone may just have written a fantasy novel around the place, a novel that over time has been mistaken for historical truth."

Tears welled in Chakotay's eyes. "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Your best to convince me that Elissia doesn't exist. It's like you don't want it too."

"I do, Chakotay. I want it to exist. Of course I do. But I just find it hard to believe that it does, and I'm afraid of what it will do to you if it doesn't. You've been through enough already. I can't help be concerned at how much faith you're putting into this, how much hope and energy." She reached out and put her hand over his. "If Elissia does heal, and does bring the captain back to us, then it would be ... it would be more than words could describe. But there's a chance, a very strong likelihood, that it's no more than a fantasy. I just want you to keep that in mind. Okay?"

Chakotay was about to protest, but there was so much concern in her kind eyes, that all he could do was nod.

* * *

All was still in the tunnel. Chakotay, B'Elanna, Tuvok and Arlei, made their way through it slowly, all of them wearing protective gear and a helmet. When they reached the cave that had been a dead end, broken rock cluttered the floor, and they had to move carefully through it. Chakotay held his torch high, straining his eyes to see ahead. There appeared to be a hole. A jagged black hole in the rocks that lead to more tunnel.

"I think it's cleared the passage," he said. "I think I can see more tunnel ahead."

He stepped through the hole and looked around.

"Definitely more tunnel. The same as what we've just come through."

He took a few steps down it and B'Elanna, Tuvok, and Arlei followed.

"It's impossible to tell from here how far it goes on," he said, looking into a black infinity. "We'll just have to take it one step at a time." He turned to B'Elanna. "Are you going to continue with us for a while, or go back to the ship?"

"I think it's best that I go back to the ship," she said, "let them know what's happening." She put her hand on Chakotay's arm and was a moment with her next words. "How long do you want us to give you before we ... before we come in search?"

"Well," Chakotay answered, "between us we've got enough supplies to last ten days, so I guess if we haven't returned by then, come and look for us."

B'Elanna squeezed his arm. "Are you really sure about this, Chakotay? It may only be a mountain, but no technology works here, our scanners can't penetrate the rocks. It's ... dangerous. And don't forget you have the babies to think of ...They can't lose you too..."

"We'll be alright," Chakotay replied. "The tunnels seem solid. If we find the passage gets too dangerous and the air too thin on oxygen, then we'll turn back."

"Promise me," B'Elanna said.

Chakotay took her hand in his and squeezed it. "I promise."

* * *

The tunnel wound on, twisting like a snake. The air was cold, but Chakotay noticed that it was gradually getting warmer. Then he heard a noise in the distance. A gushing sound. Like falling water. He stopped and turned to his companions.

"Do you hear that?"

"Sounds like water," Arlei said.

"To me too. It must mean we're getting close."

He quickened his pace, and Arlei and Tuvok quickened theirs in return.

The sound of falling water grew louder and louder, until it sounded very near. They followed the sound, followed the winding tunnel, and then, suddenly, rays of light streamed through the darkness and a dazzling white light blinded them as they walked into it.

It was a moment before Chakotay's eyes adjusted to the light, and when they did, he looked around in amazement. They were no longer in a narrow, winding, tunnel, but standing in an enormous, magnificent, cavern. Glittering water crashed down black rocks, gathering in a pool at their feet, and a curtain of white light seemed to descend from infinity, shining like a spotlight on the pool. Only yards away, the crystal clear water lapped the ground, turning the black soil silver.

"Elissia," Arlei said, looking up and around in amazement. "I knew it had to be true."

She handed her torch to Tuvok, pulled off her backpack, and then began to remove her protective body suit, revealing white leggings and a black t-shirt.

Chakotay turned to her. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going in. Three years ago, I was dying from a disease that killed my entire family. I recovered, but as a result of the disease, I was told I could never bear a child. If Elissia heals me, then no one can doubt any more."

Chakotay's Starfleet training kicked in now, rising his concern. "It's not right that you should go in first. We don't know anything about this place or how deep the water is. Let me go in. If the water heals my leg..."

"No," Arlei said, taking off her helmet. "Remember, a person can only go in once. You'll need to take the captain in." She picked up her backpack, opened it, and pulled out a small capped tube.

"What's that?"

"To get a sample of the water while I'm in it."

"I really don't think that we should..."

"It would be wise, Commander," Tuvok interrupted, "should the effects of the water be other than what is anticipated."

"Alright," Chakotay said reluctantly. "But just the one. If this place does belong to a god, we don't want to be disrespectful."

He turned to look at the pool again.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go in first?"

"Absolutely."

Chakotay put a kind hand on her shoulder. "Just be careful."

She nodded, and then walked towards the waters edge. Slowly, she waded into the water, and then disappeared as she walked into the curtain of light.

It seemed an eternity before she returned, and Chakotay breathed in relief when he saw her walk out of the light, and out of the water. He gasped in astonishment when he realized that she was perfectly dry.

"It was amazing," she said, her eyes sparkling. "As soon as I stepped into the light, a warmth crept through my body and I felt such a feeling of peace. I closed my eyes and just lay in the water. I didn't want to leave." She paused. "I'm healed, Commander. I know that I am."

Chakotay gazed at her, her certainty taking away any last doubt in his mind, and he smiled, tears welling in his eyes.

Tuvok questioned. "Did you get a water sample?"

Arlei held up the tube. "Yes I..." She stopped when she saw that it was empty. Then she realized that she was dry. "And neither am I wet..."

"Somethings are beyond explanation," Chakotay said quietly. He then put his hand on her shoulder again. "Let's get back to Voyager."

* * *

"I don't believe it," the Doctor said, examining Arlei with his tricorder as Chakotay, Seven and B'Elanna watched. "There's no trace of the damage the disease you suffered from inflicted on your body. Your ovaries are perfectly healthy and functioning just as they should."

Arlei smiled, tears in her eyes. "I knew Elissia could heal. I just knew it."

Chakotay was trembling, too many emotions consuming him. "Let's not waste any more time," he said, trying to keep in command of them. "Let's take the captain there."

"Wait a moment," B'Elanna said, catching his arm. "I admit all this looks hopeful, and so far everything about the legend appears to be true, but healing someone who is alive, is very different to bringing someone back from the dead." She paused. "I don't think you should go with the captain. That way, if it doesn't work, you'll at least be spared some pain."

"I appreciate the sentiment," he answered. "But it should be me who takes her in."

"But..."

"I'm not debating this. I'm taking her, end of discussion."

B'Elanna gave in. "Then I'm coming with you."

"So am I," Seven said. "You will need help to carry the captain through the mountain, and I have superior strength."

"I can carry her myself," Chakotay said, turning to her. "And your implants may fail. None of our technology works down there."

"Your leg was not disabled," Seven answered. "That means either bio technology is not affected by whatever causes other technology to fail, or the natural electrical impulses of the body neutralize their effects."

"Seven's right," B'Elanna said, "You'll need help to carry the Captain. You can't..."

"I'm carrying her," Chakotay replied. "End of discussion!"

B'Elanna once more relented. "Alright. You, me Seven and Arlei will take her. Everyone else will stay onboard." The reasoning part of her mind still doubted that Elissia would revive the captain, and she didn't want a crowd of people to be watching as Chakotay took her in. It would be too cruel. And if he did he tire of carrying the captain, they could take over.

"Arlei's going no where," the Doctor intervened. "I want to keep her here for observation."

"But, Doctor," Arlei cried.

"No buts, Madam. Doctor's orders." He then went over to a draw and pulled out some tiny metal chips. "I want to put one of these under your skin, Commander. It might be disabled, but if it works, it will record all biochemical changes that take place when you go into the pool."

"No way," Chakotay said. "Miracles are not to be questioned. And I'm not jeopardizing the captain's chances of recovery by wearing one of those things."

"It wouldn't make any difference to her chances, Commander. It would simply record what happens to your body. That would give us an idea about what properties are in this Elissia that made it heal Arlei."

"And if the healing is controlled by a supernatural deity who heals by faith? Those little devices are disrespectful and show a lack of faith. I'm not wearing one, Doctor, and I'm not arguing about this." He turned to B'Elanna and Seven. "Let's get going. We're wasting valuable time here."

* * *

The wind was still blowing strong when Chakotay, B'Elanna, and Seven materialized on the mountain. Chakotay had disregarded his protective clothing now, and wore only his uniform and a helmet. Seven was carrying his backpack, which, amongst other things, contained Kathryn's uniform and a helmet he had replicated for her, and in her hand she held a torch. B'Elanna also carried a torch, and she and Seven went into the cave to light them, while Chakotay waited for Kathryn to be transported from Voyager.

At last, the blue rays of the transporter beam shone before him, and Kathryn materialized on the ground. She was lying just as she had lay in the morgue, dressed in a white gown, her arms over her waist. Her long hair blew in the wind, the only movement that came from her still body. As Chakotay picked her up, the rose he had given her fell from her hands and blew into oblivion.

* * *

Chakotay carefully carried Kathryn through the long winding tunnel that lead to Elissia, and the more he walked, the heavier she weighed in his arms. But he didn't stop. Not for a moment did he stop. All he could think about was reaching the healing waters and taking Kathryn in.

At last, the air began to warm up and he heard the sound of falling water. He followed B'Elanna and Seven through the final winding corner where rays of light streamed through blackness, and then closed his eyes as white light blinded him.

When his eyes adjusted to the light, he found that everything was the same as it had been before, the same as it had been for thousands of years.

Without a word, he carried Kathryn to the pool, and B'Elanna and Seven could only watch in wonder as he took her in, and disappeared into the dazzling light.

**END OF PART ONE**


	24. Elissia: Part Two

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY THREE**

**ELISSIA**  
**Part Two**

As soon as Chakotay stepped into the light, the feeling of peace Arlei had described consumed him, and a warmth seemed to seep through his body. He looked up and saw a rainbow of lights descend on him They were magnificent. A million colors dancing and twirling. His eyes then fell to the beloved woman in his arms and he wandered deeper into the pool until she was completely immersed. The lights glittered on the water above her and seemed to magically restore color to her face. Her blue lips began to turn purple, then pink. Blood was once more pumping through her veins. Chakotay lifted her out of the water and let the now pure white light shine on her.

Moments later, Kathryn's eyes fluttered open and looked into his.

"Chakotay?"

She stood upright in the water and all Chakotay could do was draw her close.

"Oh Kathryn," he wept. "Oh Kathryn..."

Kathryn held him tight in return and tried to make sense of where she was and what was happening. The last thing she could remember was trying to escape Engineering and a deafening explosion.

The babies.

Fear gripped her when she realized she wasn't pregnant any more. She drew away from Chakotay, frightened tears flooding her eyes.

"The babies..." she cried. "The babies..."

"They're fine," Chakotay said tearfully. "They're just fine..."

Kathryn calmed at this but still didn't know what was happening, where she was, or what she was. Was she dreaming? Or had she died and this was some kind of after life?

"Where are we? What is this place?"

"Elissia," Chakotay replied. "A place of miracles that heals and gives back life."

Kathryn swallowed. "Gives back life? Then was I...?"

Chakotay nodded, fresh tears welling in his eyes.

"Oh Chakotay," she said, drawing him close again. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. How long?"

"Days," he said, "but it felt like an eternity. I felt as though someone had wrenched out my heart and thrown my soul into an abyss. It was so cold and empty without you."

Kathryn held him tight, her tears falling in rhythm to his. "I'm here now," she whispered. "I'm here now."

* * *

B'Elanna and Seven stared, mouths open, as their captain walked out of the light, holding Chakotay's hand.

As soon as Kathryn was out of the water, B'Elanna hurried over to her and took her in her arms.

"Oh Captain," she said, tears welling in her eyes. "It really worked. You're really alive."

Kathryn held her in return. "It doesn't seem five minutes since I spoke to you over the comm."

B'Elanna squeezed Kathryn before letting her go, and then hugged Chakotay. "I'm sorry, big guy," she said. "I'm so sorry I didn't believe."

"It's alright," he said, hugging her back. "In different circumstances, perhaps I wouldn't have believed so much myself."

Kathryn turned to Seven now and smiled warmly. "It doesn't seem like five minutes since I was having lunch with you, either."

Seven's lips curled in what was almost a smile. "Welcome back, Captain."

Kathryn lay her hand on Seven's arm and squeezed it.

"You should go in, Seven," Chakotay said. "It may restore your human physiology."

Seven flinched. "I think not, Commander. Water is distasteful to me."

"I'll come with you," Kathryn said.

"No," Chakotay cried, more panic in his voice than he intended. "If you go in again, it will undo all that it's done. At least according to legend, and so far everything has been true."

Kathryn shivered and B'Elanna offered instead. "I'll go with you. There's some redundant Borg implants in me that I really wouldn't mind getting rid of."

Seven swallowed as she looked at the water, but didn't think she was going to have much choice in this.

"Very well," she said. "Let us proceed."

B'Elanna and Seven ventured into the pool, and Chakotay slipped his arm around his wife. Kathryn leant against him and he kissed her hair, cherishing her closeness, her nearness, and wondering how he would ever let her out of his sight again.

After a few minutes, B'Elanna and Seven returned. Kathryn gasped when she saw Seven. Her blonde hair was loose over her shoulders and all her Borg implants were gone. Seven stopped before Kathryn and it was a moment before she spoke.

"I am no longer Borg."

Kathryn couldn't help draw her close. "You never were," she said. "You never were."

* * *

Only Tuvok, James Riley, and Celes were waiting in transporter room one when the away team materialized. The news that Chakotay had taken the captain down to Elissia was all over the ship, but no one wanted to be present if the pool did not revive her, and Chakotay has to return her lifeless body to the ship. It would be too heartbreaking to witness.

As soon as Kathryn materialized, Celes hurried over to her and hugged her.

"I knew Elissia would work, Captain. I just knew it."

Kathryn smiled and held the young girl close a moment.

"Seven!" Riley exclaimed, his attention finally shifting from the captain to the former drone. "Your implants..."

"Elissia removed them," Seven answered.

Tuvok hesitantly approached Kathryn now, and she broke away from Celes to look at him.

"Welcome back, Captain," he said.

Kathryn could see many emotions in his dark eyes, a deep sincerity, warmth, and yet a longing for forgiveness, regret, and even pain. And, for the first time since their encounter with the Voril, she didn't feel anger towards him. It would take time to heal the rift between them completely, but, for the first time, she believed it was possible.

She smiled. "Thank you, Tuvok."

Chakotay slipped his arm around her. "We'd better get going to our quarters so we can shower, change, and go see Silvie and Stevie."

Kathryn wished she could race to sickbay right now and be with her precious babies, but she was muddy, windswept, and in no fit state to hold Stevie.

Chakotay turned to Seven and B'Elanna. "You two go to sickbay. The Doctor will need to examine you." He then addressed Tuvok. "Tuvok, you can announce to the crew that the captain is back with us."

"At once, Commander," Tuvok replied.

Riley spoke. "Once everyone knows this Elissia performs miracles, everyone will want to go there. Should I transport them?"

"Once the Doctor has confirmed everything is alright," Kathryn answered. "Just procedure."

"Very well, Captain," he smiled. Then he laughed. "It's so good to say that."

Kathryn smiled, put her hand on his shoulder, and squeezed it affectionately before leaving the room.

* * *

The doors to their quarters opened, and Kathryn stepped inside, followed by Chakotay. She looked around. Everything was just as she had left it, in what seemed to her only a couple of hours ago. Even her knitting bag was still on the couch. It was hard to believe that she had been dead for almost two weeks. It didn't seem possible. And yet she clearly had been.

There was only one thing missing.

"Where's Petal? Is she with Naomi?"

"She's probably in the bedroom," Chakotay replied. "The poor thing has been missing you profoundly. Over the past few days she hasn't eaten a thing and just lies on the floor or in her doggie bed." He put his hand on Kathryn's shoulder. "I'll go find her."

The doors to the bedroom were open, and Chakotay found Petal lying in her doggie bed, her head on her paws.

"Someone's here to see you," he said from the doorway. "Coming to say hello?"

Petal didn't so much as move a muscle.

Kathryn joined Chakotay at the door now, and the sight of her beloved pet in such misery knifed her heart.

"What's all this, old girl? Where's my perky Petal?"

At the sound of Kathryn's voice, Petal jumped up. Her dull black eyes sparkled when she saw her mistress before her, and she wagged her tail with a "woof woof". She then ran over to her mistress and Kathryn scooped her up in her arms. Petal licked her face, showering her with sloppy kisses.

* * *

The Doctor had discharged Arlei and B'Elanna, but was still examining Seven when Kathryn and Chakotay arrived at sickbay. He was completely astounded and dumbfounded at what had taken place, and almost as soon as Kathryn stepped into sickbay, he was upon her.

"It really is true," he said. "You really are alive again. First Arlei, then B'Elanna and Seven, and now this. I can't explain it. It's as though Arlei never had a disease, and as though Seven was never assimilated. And now it's like you never died."

Kathryn paid no attention to his words. All her attention was fixed on the incubators in the distance that housed her darling, precious, babies.

"Some things just can't be explained, Doctor," Chakotay said. He saw the way Kathryn was looking at the incubators and put his arm around her.

"But exclamations, examinations, and questions can wait, Doctor. Right now a new mother wants to see her babies."

"Of course," the Doctor said, Chakotay's words making him fall serious. "Come with me."

Chakotay guided Kathryn over to the incubators, and a tear ran down her cheek as she looked at Silvia and Silvesta. They were so tiny, so helpless, and yet so beautiful and perfect.

"Oh Chakotay," she whispered.

Silvesta was moving, kicking his feet, stretching his tiny hands, but Silvia was still and almost completely surrounded by glass. Kathryn touched the glass, her heart aching with longing to hold the tiny person inside.

"My darling little girl," she whispered. "My darling Silvia..."

"Don't be alarmed by the tubes and the wires," the Doctor said kindly. "Most of them are just monitoring her."

"She's so beautiful," Kathryn said, gazing at her daughter in adoration. "She looks just like you, Chakotay. There's such a resemblance."

"I thought she looked like you," Chakotay smiled.

"Well," Kathryn replied. "She is fifty percent both of us."

She moved away from Silvia's incubator to Silvesta's, and thought her heart was going to burst from so much love and happiness. She touched Silvesta's cheek and kissed his forehead.

"Hello Silvesta Kolopak," she said softly. "I'm your Mom." She turned to the Doctor and wiped away a tear. "Can I hold him?"

"You certainly can," the Doctor smiled. He carefully raised Silvesta out of his incubator, wrapped his little blue blanket around him, and then handed him to his mother.

Kathryn drew her son to her chest, cradling him, and Silvesta nestled there, perfectly content in his mother's arms. Kathryn kissed him again and let him hold her little finger.

Chakotay watched mother and child and had to wipe away his own tear. For a while it had seemed that Kathryn would never get to hold her babies, that Silvia and Silvesta would never know their mother's touch or kiss. But now, here she was cradling her son, and it was beautiful to behold.

* * *

"You're in perfect health," the Doctor said, as he finished examining her an hour later. "It's incredible. There's no trace whatsoever of the injuries to your brain. And all the extraneous Borg implants inside you I was unable to remove have gone."

Kathryn glanced at Chakotay and he smiled, his eyes moist.

"But you're not lactating," the Doctor continued. "Which means you won't be able to breast feed."

"I wasn't planning to anyway," Kathryn answered. "A bottle is more convenient, especially with twins."

"And I get to feed them that way too," Chakotay added.

The Doctor turned to Chakotay. "I'll need to examine you too, Commander."

Chakotay smiled. "Then let's get it over with."

The Doctor began scanning Chakotay with his tricorder and again was amazed.

"Unbelievable," he said. "Your artificial limb has gone. It's as though your leg was never amputated."

Kathryn smiled, tears in her eyes now.

"What ever's in that place," the Doctor said, "it's beyond anything that I can comprehend." He turned to Kathryn. "We're going to have to perform a detailed investigation of this Elissia, Captain. If we can find out how this technology works, and recreate it, it'll change the lives of millions..."

"Our technology can't even detect Elissia," Chakotay said, "let alone determine what it is. Unless we tear that mountain apart, we have no way of finding out what is there. And it's not our place. Elissia has given us a gift. We say thank you, and we leave her alone."

"But Commander..."

"Anything else wouldn't be right, Doctor. Quite the contrary, it would be sacrilegious."

"But you surely don't believe these healings are the work of some god or goddess, Commander? Such beings don't even exist..."

"That's enough, Doctor," Kathryn interrupted. "Whatever you believe, you have no right to demean Chakotay's faith. We don't even know what lies beyond our galaxy, let alone beyond the universe. Superior intellectual incorporeal beings may well exist. The Q exist, and their capabilities far surpass ours. It's only logical, therefore, that beings may exist who are superior even to them. A creator, perhaps, gods, goddesses. You may not believe such beings exist, Doctor, but you don't know for sure that they don't exist, and what is not certain, cannot be said to be a truth. It can only be a theory, a belief. That's why it's called faith."

"I still think there is a scientific explanation, Captain," he said. "I think this Elissia was created by an advanced species and abandoned for who knows what reason. Arlei's people discovered it, found it could heal, and assumed it was a holy place."

"And that might well be the case, Doctor. I've been thinking of something like that myself. Aliens from another galaxy, perhaps. It may be some kind of temporal duplication technology. But we have no way of learning more about Elissia unless, like Chakotay says, we start breaking into the mountain. And that's not something I'm prepared to authorize. Who knows what we would disturb, what technology we could damage."

"But Captain..."

"And that's my last word on the subject. As soon as everyone who wants to has been to Elissia, we're leaving."

"There's an inhabited planet in the next solar system," Chakotay said. "The only one we've found in this whole region. I think we should head there. Arlei's ancestors may dwell there."

Kathryn nodded. "Agreed."

The Doctor spoke again. "I think you're making a big mistake, Captain. This technology is like nothing we've..."

Kathryn held up her hand. "I said that was my last word, Doctor. And that means your last word too. We're not exploring Elissia. That's final."

* * *

Chakotay watched as Petal ate all her food for the first time in days, the sight warming his heart. Then he made his way to the bedroom. Kathryn was getting ready for a party the crew were putting on to celebrate her return, and all the healings that had taken place, and was closing buttons on an elegant blue dress she was wearing for the occasion. Her hair tumbled over her shoulders, and he thought she looked beautiful. He watched her get ready from the doorway, tears in his eyes, and she must have felt the weight of his stare as she turned to look at him.

"Everything alright?"

"Yes," he said quietly. "I'm just so happy."

For the first time since returning, Kathryn noticed how tired he looked, how dark the shadows were beneath his eyes, and she held out her hand to him. Chakotay went over to her and she lay her hands on his arms.

"When I think of what you did," she said quietly, "carrying me all the way through those tunnels just on the hope that I would be healed, it hurts my heart."

Chakotay put his hand to her cheek. "Then it shouldn't," he said gently. "I would have done whatever it took."

Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes and all she could do was draw him near and hold him tight.

* * *

Cheers and applause filled the mess hall as Kathryn and Chakotay entered.

"We'd all just like to say welcome back, Captain," Tom said, approaching them with a glass of champagne in his hands.

Kathryn smiled, deeply touched at how genuine the crew's happiness seemed to be that she was back with them. "Thank you, thank you all."

Tom continued. "And, we'd like to give a proper Voyager welcome to our two latest members, Silvia Rennay and Silvesta Kolopak. So, on behalf of the crew, I say congratulations, Mrs and Mr Janeway, and may your two tiny tots bring you as many sleepless nights as our bundle of joy ... not."

Everyone laughed softly.

Tom raised his glass. "To the Janeway family!"

The crew raised their glasses in a toast. "The Janeway family."

As everyone began to chatter amongst themselves, Kathryn drew to the side with her husband, and Samantha and Naomi approached them. The child held two parcels in her hands, both covered in shiny silver paper, one with a pink bow, the other with a blue.

"It truly is good to have you back with us," Samantha smiled.

Kathryn smiled in return. "Thank you."

Naomi held out the parcels to her captain, and Kathryn took them gratefully. "Thank you, Miss Wildman."

She beamed a smile, and Kathryn could tell that she was eager to see her gifts opened. So, Kathryn handed one parcel to Chakotay, and began to open the other, carefully undoing the blue ribbon.

Naomi addressed Chakotay. "You can open it if you like, Commander."

Chakotay smiled and began to open the parcel.

"Oh, how lovely," Kathryn said, pulling out a beautiful white crocheted shawl.

"We made them ourselves," Naomi said proudly. "Mom taught me." She pointed to an area on the shawl that had slightly uneven loops. "I did this bit."

Kathryn put her hand to the child's cheek. "You're clearly a very talented young lady."

Just as she was about to take the second shawl from Chakotay, Seven approached with Ayala. Her blonde hair was loose over her shoulders, and she was wearing tight black trousers and a low cut red top that shimmered in the light.

"Seven," Kathryn exclaimed, "you look stunning."

Seven responded rather uncomfortably. "Thank you, Captain."

"Or Anneka," Ayala smiled. "Seven has decided to become Anneka Hanson again."

A lump gathered in Kathryn's throat. "You have?"

"Yes, Captain," Seven answered.

"Then I have to say that's wonderful," Kathryn said sincerely. "Really wonderful." She smiled. "And now that you don't have to wear a catsuit, we can think about giving you a uniform. Like Arlei, I think your position on the ship merits one, even though you have no rank. So, how would you like a teal uniform? I think that would be most appropriate for you."

"If you think it would be appropriate, Captain," Seven replied.

Chakotay couldn't help tease. "Or there's always the option of the plain gray ones Starfleet is wearing these days." He knew Kathryn hated those uniforms.

"Don't even think about it," Kathryn smiled. "It'll be bad enough having to put up with them when we get home. Until then, I would like some color on my ship."

Roxa and Vixi now approached her, and Vixi also bore a gift in her hands in the shape of a small glittering red box. Roxa greeted Kathryn with a kiss and Vixi held out the box to her. Kathryn took it gratefully, and began to open the box. Inside she found two beautiful silver rattles.

"Just what we needed," Kathryn smiled. "Thank you very much."

Vixi smiled happily and Chakotay took the box and lowered it to her level. "Let's see if you can show the captain what you can do. Make them rattle."

Kathryn looked at him curiously, and then back at the child. Vixi focussed all her attention on the silver rattles and, now that she was at ease and happy, effortlessly made them rattle.

"You're telekinetic," Kathryn said in surprise.

Naomi looked at Vixi in awe. "Do it again," she asked. "Please..."

Vixi obliged, and Naomi watched in amazement.

Kathryn looked around the room, and was pleased to see that everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. Harry now approached her and smiled warmly as her eyes met his.

"Captain," he said, "it's so good to see you."

Kathryn drew her favorite ensign close and held him a moment.

"Arlei not with you?" she asked as she drew away.

Harry's face fell serious. "That's something I want to talk to you about."

Kathryn drew him to the side, away from the others. "What is it?"

"She blames herself for what happened, Captain. She thinks it's her fault that you were..." He couldn't say the words. "She won't come here tonight because she doesn't think you'll want her here. I've tried everything to persuade her, but she won't hear of it." He paused. "I thought that now you're," he hesitated, "back with us, she would get better. But she's still torturing herself about what happened."

Kathryn put her hand to Harry's arm. "I'll go and speak with her."

* * *

Kathryn stood in an empty corridor and rang the door chime of Arlei's quarters. When there was no response, she rang it again. This time, the doors opened and Arlei stood in the doorway. Her face was pale, and there were remnants of tears on her cheeks.

"Captain," she said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you. Can I come in?"

Arlei nodded. "Of course."

She stood aside and Kathryn walked into her quarters. The living space was small, just like Seven's, but very cozy. Arlei had even hung some purple curtains on the windows.

The doors closed as Arlei moved away from them. "Is there anything I can get you, Captain?"

"No, thank you," Kathryn said, turning to her.

Arlei was trembling slightly and there was so much pain in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Captain," she said. "I'm so sorry."

"What for?"

"For what happened. For leaving you in Engineering..."

Kathryn bridged the gap between them and lay her hand on Arlei's arm.

"I told you to leave. You were acting on order."

"But I shouldn't have gone. I should have made sure that you got out aswell."

"If you'd have stayed, we'd both have been killed."

"But I may have been able to shut down the generator. Then the explosion would never have happened."

Tears welled in Arlei's eyes and Kathryn squeezed her arm. "Now you listen to me. It wasn't your fault. None of it. There's nothing you could have done to stop the explosion. If we'd have tried to shut down that generator, then we'd both have been killed. And I know that, because when we went through that temporal chaos a few months ago, I saw a future in which we were both dead. I didn't know how or when, only that we were. It wasn't until we were in Engineering and trying to stop the generator, that I realized that was how we had died. I knew then that we had to get out. If you hadn't of obeyed me and got out when you did, we'd both be dead now. And there would have been no one to tell Chakotay about Elissia."

Arlei sobbed softly as the terrible guilt that had weighed on her since the incident lifted. "Oh Captain."

Kathryn drew her close and Arlei wept against her shoulder.

"So no more blaming yourself," Kathryn said kindly. "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault."

* * *

Kathryn lay in Chakotay's arms in the soft starlight of their bedroom. In the corner of the room, Petal slept in her doggie bed, but raised her head every now and then, just to make sure her mistress was still there.

"Silvie and Stevie are so beautiful," Kathryn said thoughtfully. "So tiny and yet so perfect."

"Amazing to think we made them," Chakotay whispered. "That we're capable of making life."

"Makes me want to be pregnant again. Have a dozen."

Chakotay laughed softly. "I'll remind of you that when they're crying and needing a nappy change."

Kathryn smiled and then raised herself to look at him, falling serious. "I know we had decided that Celes was going to look after them as soon as I had recovered from the birth, but I don't think she should. I mean, not all day, not so soon." She paused. "I wish I could take more than a few days off to be with them when they leave sickbay, but it's out of the question. I have too many obligations. But how would you like to take the mornings off for a few weeks to be with them? Then at least they'll be with one of us, and will only have to be with Celes in the afternoons."

Chakotay brushed a loose strand of hair away from her face. "I'd love too. I was thinking the same thing myself."

Kathryn smiled and took his hand in hers. "I can't wait to have them here."

"Neither can I."

She hesitated. "If I hadn't gone to Engineering when I did, then there probably wouldn't be a Voyager right now. But when I think what could have happened to them..."

"I know," Chakotay whispered and squeezed her hand. "It was hard," he continued, "hard to accept that after everything we've done, everything we've been through, it was a virus that took your life." He paused. "It should never have happened. We should have detected that virus before it began to attack our systems."

"It was cleverly disguised, very sophisticated," Kathryn answered. "Viruses of a technological nature can be just as destructive as those of a biological. Sometimes it's impossible to stop them running their full course. But you're right. We should have detected it sooner. Hopefully the new program you had created will alert us immediately if we're ever infected with such a virus again." She paused. "But the Voril were more advanced than us. No doubt they scanned our ship and found our security weaknesses. We're just lucky it was a rushed job on their part. Otherwise none of us would be here today."

"You don't think the virus was perfected?"

"No. I think infecting our system with a virus was something they came up with while we were in brief conflict with them. I don't think they had time to perfect the virus, so it didn't do exactly what they intended, which I think was to blow up the warp core. But they probably had back up mechanisms, and causing an explosion if we tried to access the file was one of them." She paused. "Although we'll never know for sure that it was the Voril, of course."

"It had to have been them," Chakotay replied. "They had the opportunity, the motive, and Tuvok had been in the brig. If he hadn't of been, then he would probably have detected the virus." He paused. "When B'Elanna told me it was probably the Voril, I couldn't help feel that Tuvok was to blame. I said some terrible things to him. And I shouldn't have. He couldn't have known what was going to happen. And he was the only one who truly supported Arlei and I in our search for Elissia. And if it wasn't for him, we might never have found it."

"It was understandable, Chakotay. If the situation had been reversed and it was you dead, I probably would blamed him too. I know I would have." She paused. "But you were right, what you said before the explosion. We can't go on blaming him. We've all been through so much together, care so much for each other. He thought he was doing the right thing, truly thought that. There was no malicious intent. He was misguided, mistaken. And we've all made mistakes." She smiled. "Let's invite him to dinner as you suggested. Mend those bridges. I'll cook us a feast."

Chakotay raised his eyebrows in amusement and Kathryn laughed.

"Alright, I'll replicate us a feast."

Chakotay smiled and brushed his fingers against her cheek. Then his face fell serious.

"Did you ... did you know?"

"Know what?"

"That day we went through the temporal chaos ... what you said to me afterwards. Did you know you were going to die?."

Kathryn was silent a moment and then answered honestly. "I didn't want to worry you, Chakotay. And of course there was the temporal prime directive. If I was to die, I didn't want us to spend the rest of the time we had together living in fear of it." She paused. "Leonardo Da Vinci told me that knowledge of the future shifts the sands of time. And he was right. As soon as I realized the virus would cause an explosion if we tried to access the file, I knew that was the moment Arlei and I had died in that future. If I hadn't of witnessed that future, I wouldn't have known it, and Arlei and I would both have been killed. And you would never have known about Elissia." She paused. "In a way, it's kind of unnerving to think how just one thing done differently can change the future so profoundly."

"Ce sera sera," Chakotay said quietly. "Eventually, what is meant to be will be, no matter how many existences we live in the creation of that ultimate timeline. And who knows how many existence we have lived, how many we have yet to live."

"A frightening thought," she said. "To live a million existences and yet only have true knowledge of only one. I suppose, in many ways, we get second chances that people never had before space and time travel."

"Oh, I don't know," Chakotay replied. "De ja vu has been reported for centuries. I think more people were given second chances in life than they realized."

Kathryn touched his face tenderly. "I'm so glad we've had this second chance, Chakotay. I'm so glad that you, me, Silvie and Stevie have a chance to be a family."

"So am I," he whispered. "And I never want to go through anything like I've been through over the past couple of weeks again. I love you so much, Kathryn."

Kathryn gazed deep into his eyes. "I love you too... Mr Janeway."

Chakotay smiled, having a feeling that title was going to be a regular from now on, and he rather liked it. He took Kathryn's hand and kissed it. Then he caressed her arm gently. Her skin was warm, soft. Alive.

"Where did you go, Kathryn? I mean your spirit. When I died after rescuing Naomi, I remember being drawn towards a light. There was darkness all around me, but this light shone brightly in the distance. I drifted towards it, floating as though I was weightless. It was so peaceful there, and a part of me wanted to become one with the light. But another part of me didn't want to reach it. It didn't feel right. Not the right time. Then, before I knew it, I was being pulled backwards. I could hear your voice, hear you say my name. And I wanted so much to be with you. The light disappeared, and the next thing I can remember is waking up in sickbay."

"A lot of people have reported experiences like that," Kathryn said quietly. "Some have even claimed to meet up with dead relatives and friends. But for me, there was nothing. All I can remember is trying to escape from Engineering and then waking up in Elissia." She paused. "But that doesn't mean there was nothing. I might just not have any recollection of it."

"I had a dream," Chakotay said softly. "We were on New Earth. I asked you why you had left me, and you said that you never would. You said you would always live on in my heart, in our children, and told me to take care of them. It was so real, Kathryn. And I'm sure it was you."

Kathryn traced his tattoo with her fingers. "Perhaps it was," she whispered. "Perhaps it was."

She then gazed deep into his eyes, and then slowly lowered her lips to his in a gentle kiss. Chakotay deepened the kiss and they kissed softly, tenderly, as though they were kissing for the first time.

* * *

It was good to be back in her Ready Room. Kathryn looked happily around the room, and then went over to the replicator.

"Coffee, black."

Immediately, a cup of steaming hot coffee materialized. Kathryn picked it up and savored the aroma before taking a sip.

The door chime sounded and Kathryn called out.

"Come in."

B'Elanna came in. She walked over to Kathryn and handed her a padd. "A report on all the damage that was done to Engineering, and all the repairs that were made. I thought you'd want to know."

Kathryn took it gratefully. "Thank you. I was going to request one." She sat down on the couch. "Time for a coffee?"

"I'd love to, Captain, but I've just finished my shift and Tom'll be waiting to start his. Well, at least I hope so. He puts these twentieth century cartoons on, supposedly for Miral, and gets so caught up in them that he loses all track of time. I don't know how many times he's forgotten to give Miral her breakfast."

Kathryn laughed. "But you wouldn't change him."

"Oh, I don't know, Captain," she teased. "Maybe a little fine tuning here and there." Then she fell serious. "But no. He's great with her. He really is. Just like Chakotay will be with Silvie and Stevie." She paused. "He was totally devastated when you ... you know. I was really worried about him. This past year has been the happiest I've ever seen him. He's been through a lot in his life. He was so angry when I first met him, so hurt and lost. And I just knew that the Chakotay he displayed to the world wasn't the Chakotay he was inside. Women used him, but he never used them in return. I usually had to fight men off, that's how it was in the Maquis. It attracted a lot of people who were just looking for a fight, looking for trouble. But never Chakotay. He always treated me with respect."

"He's a very special man," Kathryn said quietly. "I often think I don't deserve him."

"You do, Captain," B'Elanna said sincerely. "You're made for each other. Anyone can see that."

* * *

All the crew stood up when Kathryn arrived on the bridge. Chakotay stood before his seat and smiled warmly, love and pride shining in his eyes.

As Kathryn took her seat, everyone sat again.

"I'd forgotten how comfortable this seat is," she said to Chakotay. "It's been a long time." She then addressed Tom. "Alright, Mr Paris. Engage."

He turned to her. "I'm still waiting for our course update from Seven ... I mean Anneka."

Kathryn frowned. "She should have sent it through by now. What's taking her so long?"

"Perhaps there's a problem," Chakotay said.

Kathryn hit her commbadge. "Janeway to Seven of ... I mean Janeway to Anneka Hanson."

There was no response. She tried again.

"Janeway to Anneka Hanson."

There was still no response. Kathryn got to her feet. "Mr Kim, is there a problem with communication?"

"No problem, Captain."

"Computer," she said, "locate Anneka Hanson."

The computer voice responded. "Anneka Hanson is not onboard."

Kathryn questioned Harry again. "Was Seven's new identity transferred properly to the computer?"

"Yes, Captain," he said. "I did it myself."

Then James Riley's voice sounded over the comm. "Riley to Captain Janeway."

Kathryn responded. "Go ahead."

"I've just transported Seven to the surface. When I told her we were preparing to leave, she pulled out her phaser on me and threatened to use it. I had no choice but to transport her. She was upset and distracted and I don't think in any state to be down there alone."

"Understood," Kathryn replied. "I'll be right there. Janeway out." She turned to Chakotay. "I'm going after her. You have the bridge."

Chakotay caught her arm, an unsuitable, but instinctive, reaction. "No, Kathryn," he cried. "Let someone else go."

"She's going to go back into the water. I've got to stop her."

"Let someone else..."

"There's no time to debate this, Chakotay. Take the bridge."

With that, she left, leaving Chakotay to stare in trepidation at the turbo lift.

* * *

It was night on the mountain, and Kathryn could see nothing as she materialized. In her haste to follow Seven, she had completely forgotten about torches. She quickly asked Riley to beam her down a torch, matches, and palm beacon, and when they materialized, made her way to the cave. Inside, she lit up the torch, and then hurried on down the tunnel.

The passage seemed to wind on an eternity, much longer than it had seemed when she had left Elissia with Chakotay, B'Elanna and Seven. When she reached the cavern, the light blinded her, and it was a moment before she could make anything out. Then she saw Seven. She was sitting on the ground, leaning against a rock, crying. A dying torch was beside her, as was a backpack. The sight took Kathryn by surprise. She had never seen Seven cry before. Had never seen her so emotional. Kathryn walked slowly over to the former drone, and had to remember to use her birth name when she addressed her.

"Anneka..."

At the sound of the captain's voice, Seven slowly stirred and turned to face her.

"Leave me alone," she cried. "You shouldn't have come."

"I was worried about you," Kathryn replied.

Seven got to her feet, tears staining her cheeks. "Why? Incase I go back into the water?"

"Isn't that why you've come?"

"It doesn't matter why I've come. Just go, Captain. Just leave me."

Kathryn stepped closer. "I understand that it must be frightening, suddenly being fully human again, but there's no need to be afraid."

"This existence is insufficient," Seven cried. "Anneka Hanson is insufficient!"

"She's who you are."

"No she's not," Seven wept. "Seven of Nine is who I am. Seven of Nine I have to be."

"But why? Why would you want to be Borg? Think of all the things your human physiology will allow you to do..."

"I cannot function as a human." She hit her forehead with her palm. "Cannot function..."

"How do you mean?"

"It's gone," she cried, "all gone!"

"What has gone?"

"My knowledge. All the knowledge I assimilated as a drone."

It was all suddenly clear to Kathryn. When Seven's brain had been restored to a human brain, all her Borg memory files had been removed, and with them all the knowledge they contained.

"When I went to astrometrics today," she continued, "I could remember nothing. Could do nothing! Not even operate a console! It's insufficient! I must be Borg."

"No you don't," Kathryn said, trying to catch her arm. "Now you have a chance to be who you really are. Anneka truly has a chance to live again..."

Seven shook her head. "No. I must be Borg. Otherwise I'm no use. No use."

"That's not true. We love you for who you are, not because of your knowledge..."

"How? How can you know what I am when I don't even know myself? I must be Borg. I must be what I was..."

"You're just frightened," Kathryn answered. "Just give yourself time. Just let me help you..."

"No. Time is insufficient. I must be Borg..."

With that, she ran away from Kathryn and waded into the water.

"No," Kathryn cried. "Don't do this..."

But it was too late. Seven had disappeared into the light.

* * *

Kathryn sat in her quarters and stared into a cup of black coffee. Chakotay watched her as he made his way from the kitchen, and Petal watched him from Kathryn's feet. Chakotay went over to her and sat on the couch beside her.

"It wasn't your fault."

"I know," she said quietly. "But I can't help feel that I let her down. I should have stopped her going into the water. This was perhaps her only chance of being completely human again. Now it's gone."

"But it was her choice," Chakotay said softly. "And one she had every right to make."

"Except it was made out of fear," Kathryn said sadly. "She was afraid of what she had become, of all that was familiar that was lost to her. Familiar is comfortable." She paused. "But I suppose what's done is done. I just hope she doesn't come to regret the decision."

Chakotay leant back against the couch, and Kathryn cuddled up to him. Chakotay could smell the coffee she was drinking and couldn't help comment. "Coffee again?"

"Making up for all those lost months," she smiled. "You don't know how much I've pined for it."

"Oh, I think I have an idea." He kissed her hair. "Just go easy on it." He then stilled and hesitated with his next words. "I'm sorry for what I did today."

"When?"

"On the bridge. I addressed you as my wife, not as my captain. That was crossing the line."

"It's alright," Kathryn replied. "It's bound to happen sometimes. And you've been through a lot."

"I've been though hell," he said. "So you're going to have to forgive me if I'm rather protective of you from now on."

Kathryn smiled and turned to face him. "You've always been protective, Chakotay. Overly."

He brushed her hair away from her face. "I've just always wanted to keep you safe."

"I know," Kathryn smiled. "And while I might not always have appeared grateful, I've always appreciated your care and concern." She lowered her eyes and gazed into the black pool of coffee in her cup. "I used to feel so alone sometimes, so lonely. I would lie awake at night thinking of all the responsibility on my shoulders, all the lives I was responsible for, all the people I needed to take care of. Sometimes it would frighten me. Sometimes I wondered if I had the strength. Because while I was responsible for all these people, all these lives, a part of me wanted someone to take care of me too. But there was no one. There was no one to comfort me, no one to hold me when I desperately needed to be held." She paused. "But you were always there. You made me laugh when I wanted to cry, lifted me up when I needed someone to lean on." She smiled. "Gilbert to my Anne."

Chakotay frowned, not understanding.

"Anne of Green Gables. One of my favorite books when I was growing up. She had red hair and freckles just like me, and as studious too. This boy Gilbert was in love with her, and, over the years, was always there for her."

"Did she marry him?"

"Oh yes, and had a dozens of children. Twins too. Something else we have in common." Holding her coffee in one hand, she ran her other through Chakotay's gray streaked hair. "He was also dashingly handsome. Just like you."

Chakotay laughed softly. "I'd hardly say that."

The Doctor's voice sounded over the comm. "Doctor to Mrs and Mr Janeway. There's a little Miss Janeway Junior here waiting for a cuddle."

Kathryn gazed at Chakotay, her eyes sparkling with joy and anticipation. "We'll be right there."

* * *

The Doctor was cradling a sleeping Silvia in his arms when Kathryn and Chakotay arrived at sickbay. She was wrapped in a pink blanket, only her little head peeping out. Kathryn took her tiny daughter in her arms and gazed at her lovingly.

"Hello Silvia," she said softly, "hello darling."

Silvia woke up as Kathryn spoke, and tried to open her little eyes. But the light dazzled them, so she closed them again.

Chakotay touched his daughter's fluffy black hair, and then kissed her forehead tenderly.

The tiny little boy still lying in his incubator, suddenly began to cry. The Doctor went over to him and gently took him out of the incubator, wrapping him in his soft blue blanket.

"I think this little fellow's jealous of all the attention his sister's getting," he said with a smile, "and wants a cuddle too." He held him out to Chakotay. "Daddy?"

Chakotay smiled and gladly took his son in his arms. Almost instantly, Silvesta stopped crying and nestled in his father's arms.

The Doctor watched the new parents fondly for a moment, and then made to leave. "Well, I'll leave you alone with them for a while."

"Not just yet," Kathryn said, finally looking up from her daughter. "Let's have a picture taken first."

At that, the Doctor beamed a smile. "I'll go and get a camera."

**END OF PART TWO**


	25. Circles

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR**

**CIRCLES**

Wrapped only in a robe, Chakotay left the bathroom and made his way to the bedroom. As the doors opened and he stepped inside, he gasped at what he saw. The room was bathed in soft candlelight and the bed was covered in a white satin sheet with matching heart shaped pillows. At the foot of it was a silver tray on which rested a bottle of champagne, a bowl of strawberries and a bowl of cream. Kathryn stood beside the bed, dressed in a low cut seductive blue satin nightdress, and was holding two glasses of champagne in her hands. She smiled warmly when she saw him and closed the gap between them, holding out a glass to him.

Chakotay smiled in return and took the glass. "What's the occasion?"

Kathryn gazed deep into his eyes. "Do we need one?"

"No," he smiled. "Not at all."

Kathryn picked up a strawberry, dipped it in cream, and then put it to his mouth. Chakotay took a bite, which left a little cream on his mouth. Kathryn tenderly traced it with her finger and then, as though drawn to him by an invisible force, put her lips to his mouth and kissed him softly. As she drew away, Chakotay lost himself in her eyes and was aware of nothing but her. Kathryn took his glass from him and put it down on the tray with hers. Then she put her lips to his once more and they kissed with rising passion.

* * *

Kathryn drained her morning cup of coffee of all content, and then took it over to the recycler. As she gave the recycling order, Chakotay emerged from the bedroom, robe around him. Kathryn smiled. "Good morning, sleepyhead."

"You should have woken me," he said, going over to her.

"I didn't have the heart. You looked so peaceful." She straightened the collar of his robe. "Besides, I'm going to have to get used to your morning absence once Silvie and Stevie are here."

"Won't be long now. Ready for the invasion?"

Kathryn smiled. "Totally." She then kissed Chakotay's cheek. "And speaking of invasion, you'd better get Petal's play pen set up. Best that we get her used to it now, before they arrive."

"I'll do it as soon as I've had breakfast."

Kathryn put her hand to his cheek. "See you on the bridge."

With that, she left the room.

* * *

The bridge was quiet, only a few officers present, when Kathryn arrived there after working on some reports in her ready room. Harry and Tom were talking casually and only Seven appeared to be working. Kathryn addressed her.

"Where is everyone?"

"Making the most of being in safe space, Captain."

"On whose authority?"

"Commander Tuvok's."

"I see," Kathryn answered, glad that the crew weren't absconding. "But safe space will be ending today as we arrive within five light years of the planet. All officers should be on duty."

"I believe safe space will prevail longer," Seven continued. "According to preliminary scans of the planet and surrounding space, the population is pre-warp."

"Pre-warp?"

"Yes, Captain."

This was unexpected, but it would explain why Elissia was abandoned. "Perform more detailed scans."

As she spoke, the turbo lift doors opened and Chakotay came in. He was wearing his uniform and carrying Stevie in his arms.

"The Doctor said I could take him from sickbay for a while," Chakotay said, walking over to her. "So I thought I'd give him a little tour of the bridge."

Kathryn smiled and gazed at her son. He was perfectly content in his father's arms and sleeping soundly.

"I don't think he's going to absorb much," she teased.

"A baby's brain is constantly assimilating knowledge," Seven said. "Even when it is not apparent."

Harry left his console now so he could see Janeway junior. "I can't believe how small he is, Captain. I've never seen a baby so small."

Kathryn smiled. "Well, we were all that size once."

"I'm surprised you don't remember," Tom said, leaving his seat. "Seeing as you remember being in your mother's womb."

Kathryn turned back to Harry, her eyes questioning in amusement.

"I do," Harry insisted. "I swear, Captain, I remember it..."

Kathryn laughed softly. "If you say so, Harry. I won't question it." She looked once more at her son and had an overwhelming urge to hold him. She held out her hands. "Let me hold him."

As Chakotay handed Stevie to his mother, the baby began to cry as he was disturbed. Kathryn cradled him against her, uttering soothing words until he settled again.

Harry questioned. "Does he cry a lot, Captain?"

"Not a whole lot," she answered. "But more than Silvie."

"Well, they say boys are always more trouble," Tom added.

"I could well believe it," Kathryn answered. She kissed Stevie's forehead and then looked up at Chakotay. "You take the bridge, Chakotay. I think I'll take him back to sickbay."

Chakotay smiled, knowing that she just didn't want to let him go. "Alright."

* * *

The doors to sickbay opened and Kathryn stepped inside. A young female lieutenant with bobbed black hair that Kathryn recognized to be Ella Martin, science officer, was cradling Silvia, and appeared to be alone with the baby.

"Irresistible, aren't they?" Kathryn said.

At the sound of the captain's voice, Ella turned sharply towards her. "Captain," she exclaimed. "She was crying ... just wanted to comfort her..."

"And I'm sure Silvia appreciates it."

The doors opened again and the Doctor came in. "Captain," he said in relief. "I have Silvie and Stevie constantly monitored and was concerned when informed of an unauthorized removal from the incubator."

"She was crying," Ella repeated, "and there was no one here. I just wanted to comfort her..."

"You should have summoned me," the Doctor answered. "The babies must not be removed without permission..."

Tears welled in Ella's eyes and her lip trembled.

"There's no harm done," Kathryn said calmly. "Miss Janeway seems quite content."

"That is beside the point, Captain," the Doctor said, taking the baby from Ella.

"I didn't know," Ella said, tearfully. "Just wanted to comfort her."

"You must never do it again," the Doctor said. "Understand?"

A tear ran down the girl's cheek and without a word she fled from the room.

"That was harsh, Doctor," Kathryn said, turning to him. "She meant no harm..."

"And your trouble is you are too soft, Captain. Sometimes I think I should be in charge of this ship. Then we'd see improvement."

"Really? Such as?"

"Obedience, punctuality ...keeping of appointments. Do you know how many minutes a day I lose waiting for people to turn up for their appointments? Three times out of five the patient will be late. Do you know how many minutes that adds up to a day? How many minutes that adds up to a week?"

Kathryn took a deep breath, humoring him. "Too many, I'm sure."

"Far too many, Captain. And I'd appreciate it if you'd do something about it."

"Alright, I'll make an announcement to the crew."

"And lead by example, I hope. Of all crew members, you are the one who is most consistently late, Captain, and sometimes you don't show up at all. Ella Martin is little better. And now she's pulled out of yet another appointment."

"Given your present manner, Doctor, I'm not surprised."

"I'm just tired of being taken advantage of, Captain. No one appreciates the long hours I work. I'm here only at everyone's disposal."

Kathryn was about to respond when she heard Chakotay's voice over the comm.

"Chakotay to Janeway. You'd better come to the bridge. I think it's time for the captain to play referee."

Kathryn sighed. "I'll be right there. Janeway out." She turned to the Doctor. "Looks like you're not the only one with a short fuse today, Doctor. If we were on Earth, I'd say it's the black sky."

* * *

Raised voices greeted Kathryn's ears as she entered the bridge. Looking to her right, she saw that Harry and Arlei were arguing.

"This is the bridge, not a squabbling yard," Kathryn said, turning to face them. "What's going on?"

"The people on the planet are definitely pre-warp," Harry said. "I'm trying to explain to Arlei that means we can't contact them."

"And I say they are post-warp," Arlei argued. "Pre-warp means having never been warp capable. All colonies were warp capable once. Like us, they probably lost the ability to travel through space after the destruction. But like us, they are probably aware of the possibility and trying hard to be space faring people again."

"We can't contact them on a "probably"," Harry replied. "To make any contact with a pre-warp society would be a direct violation of the prime directive."

"Harry's right," Kathryn answered. "We can't make contact with a pre-warp society."

"And I say they are not. I say they are post-warp..."

Kathryn went over to her and put her hand on the young woman's shoulder. "I understand how disappointing this must be. I know how much you wanted to make contact with them, tell them about your homeworld, the wormholes, and Elissia. But as they are pre-warp, all that information would be no good to them."

"But I could help them be warp capable again. I could help them make use of that knowledge."

"Trying to explain warp to them would be like trying to talk quantum mechanics to a budgie," Kathryn answered.

"Not if they are close to warp travel. Then it would only be a small step, not a huge leap."

Kathryn turned to Harry. "Do we know how close to warp they are?"

"Centuries away," Harry answered. "From what we can tell, they are no more advanced than Earth was five hundred years ago."

Kathryn squeezed Arlei's shoulder. "Then we really can't contact them. We have to let them be."

"But Captain..."

"I'm sorry."

Arlei lowered her eyes, fighting the tears. "I was so sure they would be warp capable," she said sadly. "So sure."

"So was I," Kathryn answered. "But thinking about it, if they had been, they would surely have found Elissia."

Arlei nodded.

"But they will be one day." Kathryn said kindly. "One day they will be able to travel through space and time, and when they can, they will find Elissia." She paused. "But we can't contact them. We can't fast forward history. She has to play out in her own time."

"I understand," Arlei said quietly. "I'm sorry."

Kathryn caressed her arm softly in a comforting gesture and then turned to Tom.

"Alright, Mr Paris, change course. It's about time we left this space. Set a course for the Federation."

"Yes, Ma'am," he said, turning to his console.

She then turned to her First Officer. "Chakotay, you stay on the bridge. I'm going down to the labs for a while. There's someone I want to talk too."

* * *

It had been a while since Kathryn had been to the labs. As she walked through the corridor, she was reminded of the days when she was a science officer and a part of her missed the simplicity of those days. She enjoyed being a captain, but she knew that she took her responsibilities more to heart than most captains, and knew that it wasn't always a good thing. But she couldn't help feel it was better to care too much, rather than too little, and to always strive to do what was right, not always what was easiest.

She reached lab 9, Ella's lab, and rang the door chime. There was no answer. She rang the chime again, and this time the door opened. Ella stood in the doorway, her pale face aghast to see the captain before her.

"Captain," she exclaimed.

"I thought we could have a chat," Kathryn said, walking into the lab. "Is now a good time?"

"I...I...I'm in the middle of something, Captain," she replied, agitated.

"It won't take..." Kathryn stopped still as she looked around the lab. One side was a perfect laboratory, but the other appeared to be a living space. There was a bed, covered in a white blanket, a nightdress upon it, and beside it a small cupboard, a couple of books piled on top of it.

"What's this," Kathryn questioned firmly.

Ella was a moment in answering, and then could barely get a word out. "I, I..."

Kathryn turned to her. "Well?"

No answer.

"This is meant to be a science lab, not a dorm. What's that bed doing here?"

"I...I sometimes sleep over," she said, tears in her eyes. "Assess experiments better..."

"Even though it's a breach of protocol?"

"I ... I didn't think it was wrong..."

"Not only wrong, but dangerous. Labs are no place to be sleeping!"

"I'm sorry," Ella said tearfully. "So sorry..."

"How long has this been going on?"

Silence.

"Weeks, months, years?"

"Always," Ella whispered.

"Well, it's got to stop, Lieutenant. It's dangerous and unhealthy." She took a breath. "And I'm afraid I'm going to have to discipline you. Three days in the Brig."

"No," Ella exclaimed. "Please, Captain..."

"You've committed a serious violation, Lieutenant. I have no choice. You will report to the Brig this afternoon." She paused. "In the meantime, I want you to report to sickbay. The Doctor tells me you have not been attending all due check ups. Which brings me to why I am here. It's imperative that you attend each and every one."

"Only one," Ella wept. "It's only one I've missed..."

"Then make sure it's the last," Kathryn said coolly. "Now, take whatever personal belongings you have here back to your dorm and then report to sickbay. Understood?"

Ella didn't respond.

"I said understood?"

Ella nodded tearfully.

"Then get to it," Kathryn said, before leaving the room.

* * *

"Coffee, black."

A steaming cup of black coffee materialized. Kathryn took a sip and then went over to her desk. There were a lot of reports to get through. The sooner she started, the sooner they'd be done. Just as she began to read one, the door chime sounded.

"Come in."

It was Chakotay. He sighed when he saw the steaming coffee on the desk. "I think I'm going to have to disable that replicator from making you coffee," he teased.

"You do," she smiled, "and it'll be grounds for divorce."

Chakotay put a pile of padds on the table. "More reports I'm afraid."

Now it was Kathryn's turn to sigh. "I think I'm going to be buried in them soon. There's no way I'm going to get through them any time soon. I've got a million and one other things to do aswell."

"Want some help? My work load is pretty light right now."

"That would be wonderful," Kathryn replied.

Chakotay smiled and picked up the padds again. "I'll take these ones to my office and work on them there."

* * *

Chakotay's office was small, but had everything he needed for a comfortable working environment. There was a large desk at one side of the room, and in the other, a long couch. The walls were bare, but he liked it that way. Experience had taught him that pictures were distracting. The only pictures he had in the room, carefully occupying a shelf, were of himself and Kathryn on their wedding day, a picture of Silvie and Stevie, and pictures of his family that he had, fortunately as it turned out, not removed from Starfleet's database when he left. That meant that when they were first stranded, he was able to access the database, retrieve the pictures, and print them. There was a picture of his parents, his siblings, and a group shot of his entire family.

The door chime sounded and Chakotay looked up from the report he was reading.

"Come in."

It was Kathryn. She was carrying a brown paper bag in her hand and eating a sandwich.

"Lunch time by my book," she smiled, pulling out a wrapped sandwich from her bag and tossing it to him. "Eat that up and we'll go see Silvie and Stevie together."

Chakotay opened up the sandwich. "Egg and cress, my favorite."

Kathryn looked around the room. "You know," she said, hardly believing it. "I can't remember the last time I came in here. It must be years."

"Not surprising," he smiled. "I'm hardly ever here."

Kathryn walked over to the shelf of pictures. "Are these your family?"

"Yes," he said, standing up.

Kathryn turned to him. "Why have you never shown them to me?"

"Haven't I?"

"No, never."

Chakotay got up. "I thought I had. I'm sorry..."

Kathryn pictured up a picture of what appeared to be his parents. "Are these your parents?"

"Yes," Chakotay said, walking over to her. "It was taken a few years after I left the tribe by my sister, Sekaya."

"You look a lot like your mother," Kathryn said, studying the picture. "You have the same eyes."

Chakotay picked up the picture of his siblings. "This is a picture of my brothers and sisters."

Kathryn put down the picture of his parents and looked at this one instead. Tears welled in her eyes at the group of teenagers and children sitting around a red rock, laughing happily underneath a bright sun.

"This is me," Chakotay said, pointing to himself. "I was fifteen."

He was sitting on the rock, his dimples showing as he smiled. There was a little girl of about seven or eight sitting at his feet, her head resting on his knee.

"And this must be Rennay," Kathryn said softly.

Chakotay nodded and then put the picture back on the shelf.

"We'd better get on with lunch."

He was about to turn away when Kathryn caught his arm. "You didn't forget to show me these pictures, did you? It's just too painful for you, isn't it?"

He hesitated, but then nodded.

"So you keep them down here, on display to honor them, but where you hardly spend any time to see them."

He made no response, just gazed at his hands. Kathryn gently put her hand on his arm. "I understand," she said softly. "It was a long time before I could look at pictures of Daddy and Justin too."

He looked up at her now. "Rennay is always the hardest," he said quietly. "She was more like a daughter than a sister ... or something in between." Tears welled in his eyes. "If only I could let go of the anger. Perhaps then I wouldn't feel so much of the pain. But I don't think it will ever leave me, Kathryn. It was so needless, them dying. Such a waste."

"Yes," she whispered. "I'm so sorry." She paused. "And I don't know what to do to help you. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like."

"An ache," he said quietly. "But in that way no different to the ache you feel for your father."

"Except he died in an accident. It was no one's fault. Your family were deliberately slaughtered. There's such a difference."

Chakotay broke away from her and stared vacantly ahead. "I hate them, Kathryn," he said tearfully, "... the Cardassians . You don't know how much I hate them..."

"With every reason, Chakotay..."

"But enough to kill them," he said, turning to her. "I hated them enough to kill them. That's why I joined the Maquis. I wanted to kill them..."

"You were grieving..."

"And now? Because I hate them just as much... And I don't want to, Kathryn. I don't want to hate them."

Kathryn stepped closer to him. "And that in itself shows you're a good man, Chakotay. Many people would want to hate them, would feel it's their right."

"And joining the Maquis? Was that right?"

Kathryn caressed his arm. "What were you supposed to do? Let the Cardassians go on killing and torturing your people? I would have done the same thing, Chakotay."

"No," Chakotay said sadly. "You would have fought from the inside. And that's what I should have done."

"You were grieving and you were angry. You wanted to be avenged on the Cardassians and the Maquis presented a way of doing that. And you were a good Maquis, Chakotay. You never fired on a Starfleet vessel, never caused injury to civilians. All your missions were against Cardassians."

"Then why did Starfleet send you after me? Why not after a Maquis leader who was attacking Starfleet vessels and injuring civilians?"

"I don't know," Kathryn said quietly. "I was just presented with the mission." She paused. "I was reluctant to accept at first ... wanted only to captain science vessels. But Admiral Paris said I needed to prove my metal in conflict if they were to trust me on short range missions that could regularly bring me into conflict with Cardassians and Romulans. Capturing you would prove I wasn't a Maquis sympathizer. So I agreed."

There was a sadness in Kathryn's voice, a guilt, almost a shame, and her eyes were firmly fixed on the floor. Chakotay gently put his hands on her shoulders.

"And I'm glad you did," he said softly. "So glad."

Kathryn looked up at him now, and the warmth in his eyes, the warmth in his touch, was soothing. She wrapped her arms around his neck and they held each other tight.

* * *

The Doctor was working in his office when Kathryn and Chakotay arrived at sickbay. When he saw them, he left his desk and made his way over to them.

"Captain, Commander. I was about to summon you."

Kathryn turned to him. "Is something wrong?"

"I want to talk to you about Silvesta," the Doctor stated.

Kathryn swallowed nervously. "What about him?"

"It came to my attention this morning that he wasn't responding to my presence in the way that Silvia was. Every time I picked Silvia up, she was perfectly content. But every time I picked Silvesta up without stroking his face first, he would cry."

Chakotay questioned. "What does that mean, Doctor?"

"It means it made me suspect that he wasn't hearing me. Babies who can't hear often cry when they are picked up because the action startles them."

Kathryn's voice was quiet. "Are you saying that Stevie is deaf, Doctor?"

"I'm afraid so," the Doctor said sadly. "I performed several tests and they show that he has Sensorineural hearing loss."

Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes. "Is this because of what happened? The way he was born?"

"No," the Doctor answered. "Deprivation of oxygen can cause neural damage, but he received all due care when I delivered him, and did not suffer any oxygen deprivation. It's most likely an hereditary condition."

"A great aunt of mine was deaf," Chakotay added.

"What can be done?" Kathryn asked. "Can you cure this condition?"

"Unfortunately not, Captain," the Doctor answered. "But I can enable him to hear by inserting a hearing device into his ear. At the moment, his hearing ability is less than ten percent of an average child's. This device will increase it to at least seventy five percent. He won't feel it, see it, or be aware of its existence, but it will need to be changed and updated as he grows."

Kathryn went over to the incubator and gazed at Silvesta. His eyes were closed and he was moving his little hand, spreading out his fingers. Kathryn touched his little face and then picked him up. Sure enough, he didn't cry when she raised him into her arms. She tenderly stroked his mop of black hair and then kissed his little forehead.

"My darling little boy," she whispered. "The Doctor will make you better. He'll help you to hear."

"He won't need to," Chakotay said, bridging the gap between them. "We can take him to Elissia before we leave this space."

Kathryn looked up at him. "But who can take him in? Everyone has been in already."

"I will," he replied.

"But your leg..."

"It's a fair exchange," he said softly. "My leg for Stevie's hearing."

Tuvok's voice suddenly sounded over the comm. "Tuvok to Captain Janeway."

Kathryn took a deep breath and forced her concentration.

"Janeway here."

"Ella Martin has not reported to the Brig."

"Understood," Kathryn answered. "Janeway out."

The Doctor questioned. "Ella Martin confined to the Brig? Only this morning you were singing her praises..."

"Sometimes a tune can change," she said. "Computer, locate Ella Martin."

"Ella Martin is in holodeck 2."

"I'm going to have to go there," she said, handing her son to Chakotay. "Tell Tom to change course again and head us back to Elissia."

"There's no way you can take him into the mountain," the Doctor said, "not at least for another three weeks..."

"And it will take us a good fortnight to get there," Kathryn answered. "There's always some exploring we can do to pass the extra few days."

* * *

Holodeck 2 was locked when Kathryn arrived there. She did a quick check and found that Ella was running an unknown program without safety protocols. Kathryn quickly overrode the lockout and hurried inside. Sunlight immediately dazzled her and she found herself standing on the top of a grassy cliff. Ella was standing close to the edge and was clearly crying.

"Ella..."

At the sound of the Captain's voice, Ella turned around briefly. Her cheeks were wet with tears and her eyes red raw. The pain and fear Kathryn saw in them knifed her heart. Then Ella turned away from her and stepped off the cliff...

"Computer," Kathryn cried. "End program!"

Immediately the scene before her vanished and was replaced with the dull gray of the holodeck. As it disappeared, Ella fell to the floor unconscious, her body grazed and bleeding. Kathryn hurried over to her and frantically searched for her pulse. She found it, strong and steady. She then hit her commbadge.

"Janeway to transporter room one. Transport Ella Martin and I to sickbay. Janeway to sickbay, medical emergency."

* * *

"What happened?" The Doctor asked as Kathryn and Ella materialized in sickbay.

"She stepped off a cliff without safety protocols online," Kathryn answered. "I stopped the program well before she could have fallen far, but she probably hit herself against a rock as she fell."

Chakotay, who was still in sickbay, questioned. "Stepped off a cliff?"

"I think she was trying to kill herself," Kathryn said, still shaken.

"Surely not," Chakotay said. "Why would she want to do that?"

"I don't know, Chakotay." She sighed. "I should have stopped the program before going in. Why the hell didn't I do that?"

The Doctor finished examining her. "She has a nasty bump on the head and a broken arm, but she's going to be fine, Captain."

Kathryn breathed in complete relief. "When you've set her arm and she's regained consciousness. Summon me here. I want to talk to her."

* * *

On the couch in her ready room, Kathryn buried her head in her hands and rubbed her tired eyes while Chakotay made her a coffee.

"Here," he said, holding out a cup of steaming coffee to her.

Kathryn looked up at him and took it with a thank you.

Chakotay sat beside her and watched as she took a sip.

"Good?"

"Wonderful," Kathryn answered.

"Then you can have it from now on instead of the usual," he said, taking a sip of his own drink.

Kathryn drew the cup away and looked into it. "What do you mean? What's different?"

"Decaffeinated," he smiled. "All flavor, no caffeine. And enriched with vitamins too."

Kathryn curled her lip, not sure whether to be amused or angry. "Devious," she said. "Cunning as a Q".

He smiled softly. "Well, I've learnt from the best."

"Alright," she said. "If it means so much to you, I'll drink this instead." She leant back against the couch. "Can't wait for today to be over, Chakotay. It's been one hell of a day."

"It certainly has."

"If I had known Ella was so fragile right now I'd never have sentenced her to the brig. And then Stevie..."

"I know," Chakotay said. "But I'm disappointed the Doctor didn't discover his condition sooner. He should have tested his hearing when he was born."

"He probably just did all major tests. I don't think hereditary deafness would show up on those."

"But still, he should have checked their hearing."

"He was probably going to before they left sickbay, but didn't rush to do it as he had no reason to suspect a problem."

The door chime sounded. Kathryn rubbed her brow and got to her feet, forcing herself into captain mode.

"Come in."

Arlei came in. She was dressed in the clothes she had worn when she first arrived on Voyager and was carrying a bag in her hands.

Kathryn swallowed. "Arlei?"

"I'm leaving Voyager," she said quietly.

Kathryn glanced at Chakotay and then back at her Chief Engineer. "Leaving?"

"I don't want too, Voyager has become a home to me. But I have too. It's my duty."

Kathryn bridged the gap between them and put her hands on Arlei's arms. "You can't go to the planet, Arlei. They are centuries behind us. If you turn up there in a spaceship, you'll either cause a mass hysteria of terror or they'll think you're some kind of god."

"I'm not going to the planet, Captain," Arlei answered. "I'm going back to the Delta Quadrant. As you say, I can't pass my knowledge to those people, but I can pass on my knowledge to my own. And it's my duty to do so. We're very close to the wormhole that my ancestors used to first get to the Delta Quadrant. I'm going through it."

"But that wormhole terminates ten thousand light years away from Quarren. It will take you years to reach your homeworld."

"My homeworld, yes, but my people occupy several planets in the Delta Quadrant, and it will only take me a few weeks to reach one. Three months at the most." She paused. "I have to do this, Captain. I have to tell my people where the region of the ten suns is. I have to tell them about Elissia, and I have to tell them about the wormholes. It's my duty, Captain. I'm sure you of all people understand that."

"Yes," Kathryn said sadly. "I understand." Tears welled in her eyes. "Is Harry going with you?"

"No," Arlei said, tears welling in her own. "His life is here, on Voyager. He's been through too much to give up his quest for home now. A few years and he'll be with his family again. I know he will. And he'll fall in love again. I won't let him give up everything for me."

Kathryn caressed Arlei's arm. "But isn't that for him to decide? He loves you, Arlei."

"And I love him, Captain. I love him so much. That's why I have to leave without him knowing."

Kathryn inhaled sharply. "You can't do that, Arlei ... You have to at least say goodbye..."

"He would insist on coming with me. I know him. And I can't let him. It has to be this way."

Chakotay spoke now. "But to leave without saying goodbye will break his heart,"

Arlei turned to him. "But will spare him the pain of having to choose me or Voyager. By leaving this way I'm taking it all out of his hands."

"And what are we to say to him?" Chakotay continued. "He'll know that we knew you were going..."

"You're good people. You don't betray confidences. I'm telling you this in confidence, and I know that I can trust you to keep it."

Kathryn glanced at Chakotay and saw her unease mirrored in his eyes.

"Now, I don't have long," she said. "Harry will be back from lunch soon and I need to leave before he is. I need you to slow this ship down so I can launch my shuttle."

"Alright," Kathryn said, not liking this one bit but feeling she had no choice. She turned to her husband. "Chakotay, you take charge of things on the bridge."

Chakotay couldn't help make one last attempt to get Arlei to change her mind. "I really think that you should..."

"I've mind my mind up," Arlei said. "Nothing is going to change it."

Chakotay took a deep breath. "Then I'll tell Tom to slow the ship down."

With that he left the room, leaving Kathryn and Arlei alone.

"I'm going to miss you," Kathryn said tearfully. "Very much."

Arlei drew her captain close. "I'm going to miss you too, Captain. I'm going to miss voyager. But you'll get home. I just know that you'll get home."

* * *

The mess hall was busy. It took Kathryn a moment to find Harry amongst the crowd. When she did see him, tears welled in her eyes. He was talking and laughing with Ayala as though he didn't have a single care, and was totally oblivious to what was happening. Slowly, Kathryn walked over to him. Only she and Chakotay knew of Arlei's departure, and had no intention of telling anyone until Harry himself knew, but she didn't think it was right to keep him in ignorance until he went to his quarters and found Arlei's message. It would only be a double betrayal. First that they had not told him she was leaving, and secondly that they had not told him she was gone.

"Mr Kim."

Harry turned towards her.

"When you've finished lunch, come to my ready room. There's something I'd like to tell you."

Harry nodded. "Yes, Ma'am."

* * *

"This is some kind of joke," Harry said, after Kathryn had told him of Arlei's departure.

"I'm afraid not," she said softly.

"But she wouldn't ... she wouldn't just leave like that..."

"She thought it was for the best, Harry. She didn't want you too..."

"I've got to go after her," he cried.

Kathryn caught his arm.

"Harry..."

"I'm not losing her, Captain. No way."

With that he freed himself from Kathryn's grasp and left the room. Kathryn followed him onto the bridge.

"Harry..."

"I'm taking the flyer..."

Tom stood up from his seat. "Harry?"

"There's no need," Kathryn cried. "We'll help you find her."

Chakotay questioned. "Captain?"

Kathryn ignored him. "But only so that you can talk, Harry. Understand?"

Harry turned to her. "Thank you, Captain."

Kathryn gave an acknowledging nod. "Take your station."

Harry took his station and Kathryn turned to Tom. "Mr Paris, set a course for Arlei's shuttle."

Tom began to work his console, but after a little while, looked up. "There's no trace of Arlei's shuttle, Captain."

Kathryn spun around. "Tuvok..."

The vulcan worked his console. "Mr Paris is correct. There is no trace of Arlei's shuttle on sensors."

"She must have cloaked the vessel," Chakotay said.

"Then we've got to determine the frequency," Harry said, his desperation in his voice... "It can't be that dissimilar to the cloak we used to escape the Voril."

Kathryn glanced at Chakotay and then back at Harry, her heart breaking for him.

"There could be a billion combinations, Harry. We have no hope of finding her."

"But we must," he cried... "We have to find her..."

"I'm sorry," Kathryn said quietly. "I'm really sorry, Harry."

The young ensign's eyes filled with tears and without a word he left the bridge.

Kathryn lowered her own, a hard lump deep in her throat.

"Doctor to Captain Janeway."

It was a moment before Kathryn could answer. "Go ahead, Doctor."

"Ella Martin has regained consciousness."

Kathryn put her hand to her brow. "I'll be right there, Doctor."

* * *

The scent of musk filled the air as Kathryn emerged from the bathroom, her bathrobe around her. Petal jumped from the couch to greet her and Chakotay looked up from the reports he was still reading.

"I think I'll go to bed now," she said, her voice not quite her own. "I'm really tired."

Chakotay put down his padd. "Have something to eat first," he said kindly. "You hardly touched dinner."

"I'm not hungry," she said. "I just want to sleep."

"Alright," Chakotay answered. "I'll be along when I've finished these reports."

She gave a weak nod. "Good night, Chakotay."

"Good night," he replied.

Completely ignoring the dog at her feet, Kathryn disappeared into the bedroom. Chakotay put his hand to his chin, and stared at the empty space where she had stood for a moment in concern. Kathryn was definitely not herself. But then, it had been a terrible day. And when Kathryn was upset or worried, she withdrew into herself, tried to deal with her feelings alone, instead of talking about them and seeking comfort. She always felt she had to be strong, even with him, even now they were married. Chakotay turned off the padd he was reading and put it on top of the pile before him. They could wait until the morning.

Petal followed Chakotay into the bedroom and knowing it was time for her bed, went over to her doggie bed and lay down inside it. Chakotay looked in Kathryn's direction as he took off his robe, and saw that she was curled up under the blankets, her back towards him. Carefully, he slipped between the sheets and looked down at her. She was trembling slightly and their were tears on her cheeks.

He lay his hand on her shoulder. "Kathryn..."

Instantly she drew away from. "I'm alright," she said, wiping her tears away with her hand. "I thought you were finishing those reports..."

"They can wait until the morning." He put his hand on her shoulder again. "Come here. Let's cuddle."

Kathryn got out of the bed now. "I said I'm alright, Chakotay. Just leave me alone."

Chakotay looked at her in growing concern and she wiped away another tear from her cheek.

"I need a drink, I... You go to sleep..."

With that, she left the room.

Outside in the living room, Kathryn lent against the dining table and wept painfully. From the kitchen area, Chakotay watched her a moment, his robe now around him, and her pain hurt him. He walked over to her.

"Let me hold you," he said quietly. "Please, Kathryn..."

At the sound of his voice, Kathryn straightened and turned to him. "I told you I wanted to be alone."

"So what? You can cry out here in the dark?"

"I was getting some water..."

"No you weren't, Kathryn..."

"I was, I..."

Chakotay put his hands on her shoulders. "Just let me..."

Kathryn suddenly backed away from him, terror in her voice. "No, please...don't touch me...please don't touch me..."

Chakotay flinched. "Kathryn?"

But it was as though she was lost in another time, another place. Her eyes were staring ahead but they were glazed, dazed, and she was crying heavily, struggling to breathe. Tearful himself, Chakotay reached for her.

"It's alright, Kathryn, everything's alright."

She struggled in his grip. "No, let me go ... no...please... no..." Her terror was absolute now and she just screamed before collapsing into an unconscious bundle in Chakotay's arms.

* * *

Chakotay watched in concern as the Doctor examined Kathryn. She was now conscious again but was very pale and was lying still on the couch.

"I really think you should let me give you something to help you sleep," the Doctor said, his own concern evident on his face.

"No," Kathryn answered, forcing herself to sit up now. "I'm alright. It was just a flashback."

"Nevertheless, Captain..."

"I said I'm alright, Doctor."

The Doctor turned to Chakotay and handed him a hypospray. "I'll leave you this medication, just incase she changes her mind."

"Thank you," Chakotay said.

The Doctor put his hand on Chakotay's shoulder. "Just make sure she takes it easy."

"I will," Chakotay answered.

The Doctor gave a sad smile, and then left the room.

"I'm sorry," Kathryn said quietly. "I'm sorry you had to go through all that."

"It's alright," Chakotay said, sitting beside her. "It wasn't your fault."

"I haven't had one in years," she continued. "I never thought I would again." Tears welled in her eyes. "But then I haven't been involved with anyone for years either. I only ever had them when I was with Mark."

Chakotay gently, tentatively, put his hand on her shoulder. "These flashbacks ... we're talking about what happened with the Cardassians, aren't we?"

Kathryn nodded and then buried her head against clenched fists as a tear ran down her cheek. "Now you know why Mark found me so hard to handle."

Chakotay cautiously moved his hand to her back and when she didn't tense at his touch, began to caress her softly.

"You'd been through hell, Kathryn. Flashbacks are not an uncommon response to such horrific experiences."

Kathryn turned to look up at him now. "But I shouldn't lose control that way, Chakotay. I should be able to stay in control."

"Some things are out of our control, Kathryn. Some horrors just too great." He paused. "The mind is a network of memory, each one building upon the other like a house of cards. Put too much pressure on one and it causes the whole to tumble until it can be rebuilt. And that's what I did," he said sadly, "going on about the Maquis and the Cardassians this lunch time. I'm sorry, Kathryn."

"No," Kathryn said, reaching for his hand. "It wasn't anything you said, Chakotay. It was something else." A tear ran down her cheek and she clumsily wiped it away. "It's what happened with Ella, what we talked about." She paused. "She's suffered so much, Chakotay ... been suffering all these years and not one of us noticed. We were all too busy with our own lives. For years she's shut herself away in that lab, working there, sleeping there, having hardly no contact with anyone. And the reason she's shut herself away like that is because she was captured and tortured by the Cardassians too. " Another tear ran down her cheek. "She was just nineteen, Chakotay ... and the only reason she was on the ship that she was, was because she had won a privileged place on a starship as a result of her excellence at the Academy. Everyone on the ship was taken by the Cardassians and most were killed by them. They kept her a prisoner for eight months and did terrible things to her ... the same things they did to all of us." She paused. "But at least I knew there was more ... I knew that what they were doing to us was nothing like what it was to make love with someone. She didn't know that. She was an innocent ... saving herself for her husband because of her religion. And they took it away ... that innocence...took it all away, and left her with nothing but a black hole inside."

"There's no word to describe the Cardassians," Chakotay said. "Evil doesn't go far enough."

"Talking with her, listening to her, it brought it all back ... things I'd forgotten." She paused. "There was a young girl held captive with me too. She wasn't much older than Ella. Carren her name was. She was from Alaska. She told me all about her family, her friends, her boyfriend, and her cat. That's what we did ... talk to each other. She was so brave, so strong. Like all of us, she was determined that whatever happened, they weren't going to break her. And they never did. Only once did she cry. It was when they had brought her back from torture. They would take us away, four at a time, sometimes more, sometimes less. When they brought her back, they threw her to the floor and she just lay there, weeping. I went over to her and raised her into my arms and just cradled her against me. It hurt to hold her, and must have hurt her too. But it didn't matter. The closeness, the comfort, we needed it so much that it transcended the pain." She paused. "We talked of what we'd do when we were rescued, talked of home, how we'd visit each others families. But we never did. She never saw home again. The day before we were rescued, the Cardassians killed her."

"I'm so sorry," Chakotay whispered.

"After we were rescued, I went to see her mother. I told her how brave Carren had been, how proud she should be. We held each other and we cried. It was the first time I'd been close to someone that way since it had happened. I'd pushed Mom away, Phoebe, Mark. I didn't think they could understand and I didn't want to explain. Perhaps I would have let Mark in if he'd tried to breakdown my shields, but he didn't. He was never good that way. He liked things... uncomplicated." She paused. "I was always the strong one, the affectionate one, and now I needed him to be, he just couldn't deal with it. We were living together at that time, had an apartment in San Francisco. So many nights I lay beside him and wished he'd take me in his arms and hold me, even make love to me. But he never did. He never so much as touched me." She turned her face away. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't talk of it ..."

"Of course you should," Chakotay said kindly. "Whatever you're feeling, whatever's happened in your life, I want you to be able to tell me..."

Kathryn looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "I wish we had known each other then, Chakotay. I wish you had been him."

"So do I... I wish I had met you twenty years ago at the academy. But then we wouldn't have now."

Kathryn lowered her eyes again. "What would you have done, Chakotay? I mean, when I found out I was having Oliver?"

Chakotay brushed his fingers against her cheek. "I think you know the answer to that. I would have loved him, and accepted him, as my own."

Kathryn looked up at him again and then leant into his broad, strong, body. Chakotay gently wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

**END OF CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR**


	26. Intuition: Part One

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE**

**INTUITION**  
**Part One**

The replicator was in pieces on the floor. Kathryn sat amongst them, trying to repair the fault in it that had plagued her for months, but was not having much luck.

The door chime sounded and she wiped her brow.

"Come in!"

B'Elanna came in.

"You wanted to see me, Captain?"

Kathryn smiled and stood up. "That's right."

"And would I be right in guessing it isn't to repair that machine?"

Kathryn smiled. "Presently. But, in an hour or two, that might not be the case. Damn thing is more temperamental than usual. And with Silvie and Stevie soon to be home, I want nothing less than one hundred percent reliability."

B'Elanna smiled, but then fell serious. "I'm sorry about Stevie ... him being deaf."

"He'll be alright," Kathryn said, putting down the tool in her hand. "Elissia has healed everyone else so there's every reason to believe it will help him too. And even if it doesn't, the Doctor can give him at least seventy five percent hearing."

"Tom says he'll be happy to take Stevie in," B'Elanna continued. "He's been in before, but there was nothing wrong with him so it won't make any difference if he goes in again."

Kathryn was moved by the offer. "That's very good of him. Thank you."

B'Elanna smiled. "No trouble, Captain."

Now Kathryn was serious. "Have you seen Harry today? I've given him a couple of days off as he requested, but I'm really not sure it's what's best for him. Work helps to engage the ery good of him. Thank you."

B'Elanna smiled. "No trouble, Captain."

Now Kathryn was serious. "Have you seen Harry today? I've given him a couple of days off as he requested, but I'm really not sure it's what's best for him. Work helps to engage the mind."

"I'm going to see him later," B'Elanna replied. "It's going to take time, but I'm sure he'll be okay, Captain. He's tougher than we often give him credit for."

"Does he blame Chakotay and I for letting Arlei go without telling him?"

"I don't think so, Captain. I think he knows it was her decision and he respects that. He's just hurting. But he'll be alright. I know that he will." She paused. "Now, what you want to see me about. Would I be right in thinking it's to do with a certain position on this ship?"

"Got it in one," Kathryn smiled. Now that Arlei was gone, they needed a new Chief Engineer. "Any suggestions?"

"Depends on the requirements."

There was a sparkle in B'Elanna's eyes as she spoke, and Kathryn interpreted it precisely.

"What are the advancements?"

"Six hours a day, five days a week, permanent fixing of both Chief Pilot's and Chief Engineer's shift. Chief Engineer to work early morning shift, Chief Pilot regular day shift three days a week, evening shift two days a week. Necessary provisions made for dependent during overlapping hours."

Kathryn smiled. "Requirements satisfied." She then held out her hand to B'Elanna. "Welcome back."

* * *

"It's wonderful," Ella said, looking around Arlei's cozy quarters, "but are you sure it's right for me to have it, Captain?"

"Of course," Kathryn replied. "It will be good for you to have a place of your own." She smiled, a glint in her eye. "But I might add a condition ... or two."

Ella turned to her, a little anxious. "What's that?"

"You look after Silvie and Stevie from time to time."

Ella's beautiful dark eyes sparkled as an unexpected joy filled them. "Me? You'd like me to look after them?"

Kathryn nodded, touched by the girl's joy. "You have a way with babies. I know they'd be in safe hands."

"Any time, Captain," Ella smiled. "I'll look after them any time."

* * *

Chakotay cradled Silvia in his arms as she drank eagerly from the bottle he was holding to her mouth. The Doctor had already fed Stevie and he was sleeping contentedly in his incubator.

The doors to sickbay opened and Kathryn came in. She shook her head in feigned displeasure when she saw her husband and First Officer feeding their daughter.

"You're supposed to be in astrometrics, Mister," she said.

Chakotay looked up at her. "My presence wasn't needed. And, well, I just couldn't resist." He smiled, dimples showing. "And aren't you supposed to be on the bridge?"

"My presence wasn't needed," she echoed. "And, well, I couldn't resist."

She returned Chakotay's smile and then walked over to Stevie's incubator. She stroked his cheek and then raised him into her arms.

As she did so, the Doctor emerged from his office. "Here again, Captain? It's barely two hours since your last visit."

"Was just passing, Doctor," Kathryn said, flushing a little.

"Come here as often as you want," Chakotay said. "Don't feel you need an excuse."

"And where will that leave the ship?" the Doctor continued, pulling out some medical tools and examining them. "An absent captain may aswell not be a captain."

"The Captain has just become a mother," Chakotay answered, surprised at the Doctor's words. "If we were home, she would be on maternity leave so she could spend time with Silvie and Stevie. We would both be. It's an important time, for all of us. And we're doing our best in a very difficult situation. Support wouldn't go amiss."

"I'm only stating a reality, Commander. A captain who spends half her time in sickbay attending to her babies, and the other half dreaming about them, cannot command this ship to maximum ability."

"The ship is fine," Chakotay argued. "For years the captain has worked more hours than anyone else. She has more than earned any time she's taking off now. And, quite frankly, I'm disappointed you have this attitude."

The Doctor turned to Kathryn. "And you, Captain? Do you deny the truth of what I say? Or has, as you say in human parlance, the cat got your tongue?"

Kathryn glanced at Chakotay. Something was wrong. This was definitely not the Doctor she knew and loved. "Computer," she said. "Deactivate the EMH".

The Doctor laughed bitterly. "Not even you can turn me off like a tap now, Captain. I am in full control."

Chakotay hit his commbadge. "Chakotay to security. Take the Doctor offline immediately."

The Doctor turned to Chakotay. "You did not hear what I said, Commander. I am in control now."

Kathryn questioned. "And what do you intend to do with this control, Doctor?"

"Whatever I please," he smirked. "Perhaps become captain. With me in charge everything would..."

Suddenly the Doctor flickered and completely disappeared for a moment. When he returned, he looked at his Captain and First Officer in confusion. The last thing he remembered was sitting in his office. "Captain, Commander?"

Kathryn breathed in relief. The Doctor was back. "There's a problem with your program," she said, putting Stevie down in his incubator. "You're going to have to deactivate yourself."

"What kind of problem?"

"I think with your personality subroutines. To be sure, we're going to have to run a full diagnostic."

"Understood, Captain," the Doctor said quietly, and then deactivated himself.

Kathryn hit her commbadge. "Janeway to Torres. Report to sickbay immediately."

* * *

"It's a memory problem," B'Elanna said, scouring through data on a monitor before her. "The Doctor's program is constantly expanding as he learns and experiences new things, and this means that the size of his program is constantly expanding aswell. There seems to be insufficient memory to process the data which is corrupting his personality subroutines."

"Has he tried to download personality traits again?" Kathryn asked, remembering what had happened last time the Doctor had tried self-improvement.

"Not as far as I can tell."

"There where is his darker side coming from?"

"I'd guess within himself, Captain... the one all of us have in us, even if only to know what is right and wrong. If we had no knowledge of evil, we wouldn't be able to be good, if that makes sense. What's happening is that the Doctor's program is overloading and struggling to process his thoughts and actions. He'll be himself one moment, and then an alter ego."

"What can you do?"

"Increasing his memory capacity should do the trick "

"Do we have the space?"

"I can make some. Seven and I noticed a lot of redundant files in our main computer when we were going through the system after the virus. Deleting them should free up enough space to allocate to the Doctor's program."

Chakotay questioned. "Isn't there a way of making the Doctor's program more selective ... like human memory? We can't go on expanding his program indefinitely. If his program is selective, needless memories won't translates into needless data."

"I'm just not sure how we'd determine what is needless and what is not. Selective memory could erase details of how the Doctor treated a particular disease or injury which could make his program less effective."

"Couldn't selection be specific?" Kathryn asked. "For example, recording all details of medical procedures but not social activities?"

"It could still hinder his development," B'Elanna replied, "because despite our advances in science, we can't as yet produce a computer that is any where near as sophisticated as the human brain in that respect."

"Then just increase the Doctor's memory for now," Kathryn said. "We don't want to create needless problems. Although Chakotay's right. We can't go on expanding it forever."

"I reckon I can clear enough space to allow him at least five years of growth, Captain. Seven's already working on a way of compressing the Doctor's program so it might not be a problem by then." She paused. "But it will take me a few hours to free up the space and modify the Doctor's program."

"Then we'd better get Tom down here too," Kathryn replied. "Just incase someone needs medical attention."

Tom's impish voice sounded behind her. "Someone mention my name?"

Kathryn smiled as she turned to face him. "That's what I call good timing, Mr Paris."

"Not really," he smiled. "Tuvok told me the Doctor had been taken offline. I thought I'd better get down here." He paused. "What's the problem?"

"Insufficient memory capacity," B'Elanna answered. "Among other things it's corrupting his personality subroutines and turning him into the Doctor from hell again. I need to increase his memory capacity."

"How long will it take?"

"I don't know exactly, a few hours. "

Tom turned to Kathryn. "You may aswell take the twins home, Captain. They were due to leave tomorrow anyway."

Kathryn hesitated. "But would they be alright? The Doctor only said tomorrow was a possibility."

"They'll be fine, Captain. They're a good weight, independent of all life support, and feeding properly."

Kathryn considered a moment. "I suppose they would be better off in the comfort of our quarters than here right now." She turned to her husband. "Chakotay?"

He smiled. "I say we take them home."

Kathryn smiled in return. "Alright. Just give me half an hour to clear everything with Tuvok."

* * *

Just over half an hour later, Silvie and Stevie were on their way home, wrapped in the shawls Naomi and Sam had made. Kathryn carried Silvie while Chakotay carried Stevie. As the doors to their quarters opened, a sea of familiar faces waited to greet them inside. When a surprised Kathryn and Chakotay stepped into the living room, pink and blue streams of paper ribbon shot into the air.

"Welcome home Silvie and Stevie," the small crowd said in unison.

"Really," Kathryn said, looking at the spread of food they had put out on the dining table, "You shouldn't have..."

"Of course we should," Sam smiled. "Besides, it's a Voyager tradition."

That was certainly true. Both Naomi and Miral had been given homecoming parties.

"We have a cake too," Naomi beamed. "Come and see."

The child went over to the table and Kathryn followed her. At the center of it was a beautiful white cake, decorated in pink and blue icing, with the words "Welcome home Silvie and Stevie." Kathryn laughed to see a pink soother in the bottom corner and a blue one in the other.

"If you don't have any," Sam smiled, "You'd better replicate a dozen right away. You're going to need them."

"Already well stocked," Kathryn replied. "It was the first thing my mother said in in her letter after I told her I was having twins."

Sam laughed, but an ache filled Kathryn's heart at the thought of her mother. It had been months since they had lost contact with the Federation and she couldn't imagine what her mother was going through. She had warned her that they could lose contact any time, life in the Delta Quadrant was always so unpredictable, but she knew that her mother would be worried just the same. For all her mother knew, anything could have happened to them. It also hurt that her mother was missing out on this special time in their life. She adored children and would dote on Silvie and Stevie.

"It's too bad we can't contact the Federation and let everyone back home know we're okay," Celes said, Kathryn's words clearly evoking similar thoughts for her.

"We will," Kathryn said, ever ready to reassure her crew. "If we managed to make contact in the Delta Quadrant, we'll certainly find a way here in the Alpha Quadrant."

* * *

**A WEEK LATER**

"Coffee, black."

A cup of steaming black coffee materialized. Kathryn picked it up and savored the taste. As she made her way from the kitchen area to the living room, she saw Chakotay sitting on the couch, still in his black pyjamas, gazing into the steaming cup in his hands.

"You got me," she said, half guiltily.

She expected Chakotay to look up and tease her, but he just sat gazing into his coffee. He looked exhausted. And, in that moment, old.

"You look how I feel," she said, walking over to him

Chakotay spoke, but didn't look up from his cup. "I'm alright. All new routines need getting used too."

Kathryn sat beside him. "We're not coping, Chakotay. And there's no point pretending otherwise."

"But we have to," he said, finally looking up at her. "They're depending on us." There were tears in his eyes, an ache, even a fear.

Kathryn put down her coffee on the table before her. "We'll be no good to them if we make ourselves ill, honey. And that's what'll happen if we continue as we are. I was like a zombie on duty yesterday and after another sleepless night I think I'll be like a corpse today. We need help, that's all."

"But how? Who?"

"Celes. I'll ask if she'll consider moving in with us. She could have the spare room and attend to Silvie and Stevie during the night."

"But she's already going to be looking after them every afternoon. We can't ask her to do nights aswell. And what about the weekend? We promised her she could have those off."

"I'm sure we'll be able to manage at the weekends. I can ask Ella if she'll look after them a couple of afternoons during the week, and if I split my shift two days a week by working morning and evening but not afternoon, Celes would only need to look after them one afternoon a week. If she can't, I'm sure Seven wouldn't mind. It would only be for a few months. Once Silvie and Stevie are sleeping through the night, we can go back to our original plan of having Celes look after them during the day while we both work."

Chakotay gave a tired smile. "Sounds like a good plan to me."

A cry suddenly filled the air and Chakotay instinctively got to his feet.

"No," Kathryn said, standing also. "I'll go. You go to bed and catch up on some sleep."

"But you're due on the bridge..."

"I can be late," she smiled. "Captain's prerogative." She put her hand on his arm. "Go and rest. I'll ask Celes to look after them this morning and speak to her about moving in the same time."

"Alright," Chakotay replied.

Kathryn squeezed his arm and then made her way to the nursery.

* * *

"I would love too," Celes said, almost before Kathryn had finished speaking.

Kathryn laughed. "Don't you want time to think about it?"

"What's there to think about, Captain?"

"Well, night work is different to day work and you'd be in a different sleeping environment."

"I don't mind working nights, Captain. I do it all the time. There's not so much to do on nights, less chance of me messing things up. And I'd love to have my own room for a while."

Kathryn smiled. "Then it looks like we'll be having a new lodger."

"When do you want me to start, Captain?"

"As soon as you want."

"Today?"

Kathryn couldn't help her response. "Oh yes please."

* * *

A pile of reports were waiting on the desk when Kathryn finally made it to her ready room after checking all was well on the bridge. Reports seemed to be never ending these days. As they had been in safe space for so long, there was little else for the crew to do.

Kathryn sat down and began to go through them, sorting them out in order of priority. The door chime sounded and Kathryn looked up. "Come in."

It was Harry.

Kathryn smiled. "What can I do for you, Mr Kim?"

"There's a problem on holodeck two," he replied. "I don't know what, but you're needed there."

Kathryn put down the padd in her hand and got to her feet. "I'll go right away."

Harry turned to leave the room.

"Not so fast," Kathryn said.

"I'm in a rush, Captain," he explained, clearly eager to leave. "I can't talk now..."

Kathryn was about to ask what the emergency was, but before she could, Harry was gone. Kathryn sighed. She was worried about him. He hadn't been himself since Arlei had left, but, with Silvie and Stevie demanding so much attention, and Ella so desperately needing someone to take an interest in her, she just hadn't been able to be there for him. But she would have to make the time. He clearly needed someone to talk too.

* * *

Holodeck two was deserted when Kathryn arrived there. There was no sign of anyone, no sign of a problem. She was just about to hit her commbadge and question B'Elanna, when she heard Chakotay's voice.

"Glad you could make it, Kathryn."

She spun in the direction of the voice. "Chakotay?"

"Surprised to see me?"

The tone of his voice, the look in his eyes, sent a shiver down her spine. This wasn't the Chakotay she knew and loved. His eyes were vacant, his voice cold . The reels of her mind quickly turned, yielding two conclusions. Either Chakotay had been put under mind-control, or he was an impostor. She hoped with all her heart that it was the latter. Steeling herself, she addressed him.

"Who are you?"

The corner of his mouth turned up in a sinister smile. "You know who I am, Kathryn. I'm your husband."

Kathryn almost spat out the words. "Like hell you are."

The man before her laughed deep in his throat. "Don't you recognize me?"

"You might look like him," Kathryn answered, "you might even be in his body. But you're not him."

The man stepped closer, so close his body was almost touching hers. "Sure of that?"

Kathryn swallowed as the fragrance of Chakotay's aftershave lingered in the air between them. It had to be Chakotay ... had to be his body.

"I see you finally recognize me," he said, picking up on her response to his proximity and her hesitation.

Kathryn met his eyes, the hardness of the captain looking into them. "You're not my husband. I don't know who the hell you are, but you're not him. And I'm not afraid of you, so just tell me why you're here and what you want."

"What is mine," he said sharply. "I want what is mine, what should always have been mine."

"And what would that be?"

"This ship."

Kathryn scoffed. "Then tough. She's mine."

Suddenly, whoever was in Chakotay's body grabbed her and got her against the wall. "Not when you're dead, Captain. Not then!"

He closed his hands around her neck and began to squeeze.

Mustering all the strength she could, Kathryn kneed him in the groin, and immediately his hands fell away from her neck as he buckled over in agony.

Kathryn hurried away from him and managed to escape the holodeck without him following. Outside in the corridor, she hit her commbadge. "Janeway to the bridge. Intruder in holodeck two. Janeway to transporter room one, transport me to my quarters." She had to get to Silvie, Stevie and Celes. She had to see if they were alright, that whoever was possessing Chakotay's body hadn't harmed them.

* * *

Within seconds, Kathryn materialized in her quarters. Relief consumed her when she saw Celes cradling Silvia in her arms. The young girl looked up and concern filled her eyes when she saw the her captain red faced and breathless before her.

"Are you alright, Captain?"

"Yes," she answered, taking deep breaths. "Where's Chakotay?"

"Still asleep, Captain..."

Without a word, Kathryn hurried to their bedroom. Sure enough, Chakotay was asleep in bed, Petal at his feet.

Kathryn ran her hand through her hair and desperately tried to make sense of what had happened. It had been Chakotay on the holodeck, she was sure... But then, an alien could have imitated him in every way, including his aftershave...

Holding Silvia in her arms, Celes approached her. "Are you sure you're alright, Captain?"

"I don't know," Kathryn said, beginning to wonder if she had imagined everything. "Has Chakotay left these quarters any time this morning?"

"No," Celes replied. "He's been asleep the whole time."

"Are you sure of that?"

"Absolutely, Captain..."

Celes saw red marks on Kathryn's neck and pulled away her hair. "Captain, your neck..."

"Never mind that," Kathryn answered. She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to..."

She was interrupted as Tuvok connected with her. "Tuvok to Janeway."

"Go ahead."

"There is no intruder in holodeck 2."

Kathryn wiped her sweating brow. "Someone was there, Tuvok ... Someone in Chakotay's body... He tried to kill me..."

Celes stared at Kathryn in horror and held Silvia tighter against her chest.

"But he's here now, Tuvok, in my quarters. Asleep. I don't know what the hell's going on, but I want you to find out."

"I will conduct an investigation."

"In the meantime, keep the ship at red alert."

"Understood, Captain. Tuvok out."

The connection terminated and Kathryn buried her head in her hands.

"You... you said the Commander tried to kill you," Celes said nervously. "But he's been here the whole time..."

Kathryn said nothing, just tried to piece together the clashing pieces of jigsaw.

Voices had disturbed Chakotay and he sat up in bed.

"Kathryn?"

It was a moment before she could answer him as a million confused thoughts raced around her mind.

"Is it you, Chakotay?"

"Of course it's me," Chakotay replied, getting out of the bed. "Are you alright, Kathryn?"

"You were just on the holodeck, Chakotay ... I mean, your body."

Chakotay frowned. "I don't understand."

"I was called to the holodeck," Kathryn tried to explain, "but when I got there, the only person there was you, and you tried to kill me."

Chakotay swallowed, concern multiplying, his immediate thought being that Kathryn was ill, exhausted, or suffering from another flashback

"I've been here the whole time, Kathryn. Celes can tell you that..."

"I have, Commander," Celes said, "but the Captain does have marks on her neck..."

Chakotay pulled away her hair and gasped at the marks on her neck. "Gods... Kathryn..."

Kathryn drew away from him, forcing herself to think, to be the captain. "Celes," she said firmly. "Take Silvie and Stevie to the nursery and erect a forcefield around it."

Celes hesitated.

"Immediately!"

At that, Celes dared not disobey and did what she was told.

"And until we know what's going on," Kathryn said, turning to Chakotay. " I'm going to have to put you under guard."

Infinite pain filled Chakotay's eyes. "But you don't think that I..."

"No," Kathryn answered, "no, not for a moment. But if an incorporeal alien possessed your body and somehow transported you to the holodeck and back while you were asleep, he might return any moment and we can't take any chances." She put her hand on his arm. "Go and get dressed, and I'll summon security to take you to sickbay."

"Sickbay?"

"I want the Doctor to examine you for any indication of mind-control."

"Alright," Chakotay said, trying to work out if this was really happening or whether he was still dreaming.

* * *

After healing the bruises on Kathryn's neck, the Doctor examined Chakotay thoroughly for any indication of mind-control. He could find nothing, however.

"But there must be something," Kathryn said, her confusion growing by the second.

"Nothing, Captain. And there are no bruises or marks on the Commander to suggest any such conflict."

Kathryn put her hand to her brow. "Then it must have been an impostor, a duplicate..."

"Or a hologram," Chakotay added. "It did happen on the holodeck..."

Kathryn looked up at Chakotay. "You're right... A hologram... And we've had aliens manifest themselves on the holodeck before..." But then another riddle confused her. "But he buckled when I kneed him. Holograms don't feel pain..."

"No," Chakotay replied, "but are programmed to respond in every way that humans do."

"It's the most likely explanation," Kathryn said. "The only one that makes any sense right now. I'll tell Tuvok to investigate the possibility thoroughly." She paused, and the next words were difficult to say. "But until we have some solid answers, I'm going to have to put you in the brig, Chakotay. Protocol."

Chakotay nodded. "I understand."

* * *

Kathryn stood before the window in her ready room, watching endless streams of stars fly by at warp speed. Her head was aching and her eyes involuntarily closed every now and then. Her body was exhausted, but her mind was fighting every inch of the way. The door chime sounded and she turned to the door. "Come in."

Tuvok entered.

Automatically, Kathryn went into captain mode. "Any news?"

"My investigation has yielded results," Tuvok said calmly.

"And?"

Tuvok hesitated. "Perhaps you should sit, Captain."

"I'm fine standing," Kathryn replied. "Just tell me what you've found."

"It appears that your assailant was indeed a hologram, Captain."

Relief consumed Kathryn. "Then we must be dealing with aliens who can only manifest themselves through the holodeck. That makes them much less of a threat to us."

"No trace of alien activity was discovered," Tuvok said. He paused before continuing "It appears that it was someone on board who created the program with the deliberate intention of killing you."

Kathryn stared at Tuvok in disbelief, and then shook her head. "That's absurd, Tuvok. Who the hell would do such a thing?"

Tuvok gestured to the couch. "It really would be best if you sat, Captain."

"I said I'm fine standing, Tuvok. Just bite the bullet and spit it out!"

Tuvok took a deep breath. "Commander Chakotay."

Kathryn was silent a moment, and then couldn't help smile. "Chakotay? You're saying Chakotay programmed a hologram of himself to kill me?"

"That is correct, Captain."

"Oh, Tuvok," Kathryn said, bridging the gap between them. "You don't really believe that?"

"It does appear...illogical," Tuvok concluded, "especially given recent events, but the evidence cannot be disputed."

"And what exactly is this 'evidence'?"

"A hidden security camera caught the Commander leaving the holodeck just after the program was completed last night."

"Chakotay didn't even go to the holodeck last night. He was with me all night."

"Are you certain of that?"

"Of course I'm certain. We had dinner together, bathed Silvie and Stevie, put them to bed, and then went to bed ourselves ... not that we slept long."

"The Commander didn't leave your quarters at all during the evening?"

"No, he ..." She paused. "Well, only for about twenty minutes. The Doctor called him to sickbay, said he had recorded some songs that might help Silvie sleep."

The Vulcan raised his eyebrows. "I know," Kathryn smiled. "But, we didn't like to hurt his feelings."

Tuvok then became serious again. "What time was this?"

"I don't know," Kathryn said, the events of the past few days all being a blur in her tired mind. "About nine, ten..."

"Which is around the time the program was created. 21:39 hours to be precise."

"He wouldn't do it, Tuvok. It's absolutely ludicrous."

"The Commander has been under tremendous strain lately. This may have effected his psychological well being resulting in uncharacteristic behavior."

"There's a world of difference between uncharacteristic behavior and murderous behavior," Kathryn cried.

"Then how do you account for the Commander's presence on the holodeck at precisely the time the program was created?"

"How can you be so certain that it was him? Images can be deceiving."

Tuvok reached into the file in his hands and pulled out a picture. He handed it to Kathryn. "Would you identify the person in the picture as your husband, Commander Chakotay?"

Kathryn took the picture and looked at it. Without a doubt the person in the picture was Chakotay.

"There could have been a number of reasons for his presence," she said, returning the picture. "Someone might be trying to frame him."

"The thought had crossed my mind," Tuvok replied. "But no one else was present on the holodeck last night. Neither is there any indication of alien activity or alien presence in this region of space. I can thus only conclude that the Commander is responsible. Given the Commander's character and his genuine attachment to you, his actions must be the result of illness."

Kathryn raised her hand to her brow and tried to make sense of this. What Tuvok was saying wasn't implausible. There was certainly a history of mental illness in Chakotay's family. She and Chakotay had hoped that Elissia had removed the sensory tremens gene, but a full genetic scan had revealed it was still present. Clearly Elissia only cured and healed diseases, deficiencies, and disabilities that were current, not those that could develop in the future. Silvie and Stevie were clear of the gene, though, and they were both thankful for that. There was nothing in Chakotay's recent behavior to suggest that he was ill, however, and even if he had developed the condition since Elissia, it seemed highly unlikely to have progressed to the point of him attempting murder...

"But if he was ill, I would know it," Kathryn said. "He wouldn't just develop a killing drive overnight. There would have been other signs..."

"He may have concealed them, Captain, or you may not have noticed them now you have offspring to care for."

"I'm sure that I would have," she replied. "I'm certain."

"Nevertheless, Captain, the Commander is the only suspect at the moment, and I must recommend that he be examined by the Doctor for any indication of mental illness."

"He was examined only a couple of hours ago. The Doctor found nothing."

"No, but the Commander was examined for indications of mind-control. He should again be examined for indications of mental illness."

Kathryn sighed. "Very well, Tuvok. As captain I must separate my personal feelings from my professional ones, but every part of me says that Chakotay had nothing to do with this."

**END OF PART ONE**


	27. Intuition: Part Two

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY SIX**

**INTUITION**  
**Part Two**

Chakotay stood up in the brig when he saw Kathryn approach. Ensign Arton deactivated the forcefield on Kathryn's command and she stepped inside, bidding Tuvok to wait outside.

Chakotay questioned. "Have you found out what's going on?"

"No," Kathryn answered. "But you were right, it was a hologram of you that attacked me."

"Generated by aliens?"

Kathryn hesitated. "Apparently there's no evidence of that."

"Then who? Who would do such a thing?"

Kathryn bridged the gap between them and lay her hand on his arm. "Right now, Tuvok thinks you are the main suspect."

Tears welled in Chakotay's eyes and he stepped away from her. "Kathryn..."

"But I don't believe it," she said, "of course not. But I have to take his findings seriously, which means ordering you to have another medical examination."

"What for?"

Again Kathryn hesitated before speaking. "To make sure you're not ill."

Chakotay trembled now. "He was never violent," he said, "never..."

Kathryn knew immediately who he meant - his grandfather. She took his hands in hers, squeezing them. "But there's nothing wrong with you, Chakotay. That gene was suppressed when you were in the womb and has been since. You're not ill. Something else is going on here. What, I don't know. But I know you're not responsible. I just have to command another examination. Part of the job."

"I understand," Chakotay said. "I do..."

Kathryn squeezed his hands again. "Then let's get this over with."

* * *

Kathryn watched as the Doctor examined Chakotay. He took his time, performing a number of different tests, some simple, others complicated. Tuvok was also present, Chakotay having consented to them both witnessing his examination.

At last, the Doctor was done.

"I'm afraid it isn't good news," he said, addressing all three.

Kathryn's face paled and she turned to Chakotay. He was trembling and there was so much fear in his eyes. "Sensory tremens?"

"I'm sorry, Commander."

Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes. "I don't believe it, Doctor. Chakotay's showed no sign of the illness and is far too young..."

"The condition normally develops in old age, but has been known to develop in people younger than the Commander."

"But my grandfather was never violent," Chakotay said quietly. "Never..."

"The condition effects different people in different ways. In some it causes hallucination, in others paranoia or multiple personalities."

Tuvok interrupted. "Could someone suffering from this condition commit an act but afterwards have no recollection of doing it?"

"Yes," the Doctor answered.

"Then I believe we have our answers, Captain," Tuvok continued. "The Commander went to the holodeck either before or after visiting the Doctor last night and created the program, but has no recollection of doing it."

Kathryn turned to Chakotay. "Do you have any blanks in memory, Chakotay? Anything at all?"

"No," he replied. "I remember going straight from our quarters to sickbay and then straight back to our quarters."

"That is how you would remember it," the Doctor said. "No recollection means no recollection. There's no doubt, Commander. You have sensory tremens."

There was a long, painful, silence. Kathryn was the first one to break it. "So, what happens now? Medication was all Chakotay's grandfather would have needed to make him well again. Is that all Chakotay needs too?"

"Medication may help for a while, but the Commander's condition will deteriorate rapidly. He will slowly lose more and more of himself until there is nothing left. Eventually he'll need to be kept in solitary confinement as he'll be a profound danger to others, aswell as to himself." He paused. "There is only one merciful answer. Euthanasia."

Kathryn's eyes widened in horror. "You can't be serious..."

"I'm afraid so, Captain. I can attempt to delay the deterioration of his mind, but insanity is inevitable. It's best for us to discuss Euthanasia now, while the Commander is still able to make that decision."

"It's out of the question," Kathryn cried. "We're not going to put him down like a dog... We'll fight this..."

"If there was something I could do, believe me I would, Captain. But there's nothing. I recommend Euthanasia as both your doctor and as your friend..."

"He's right," Chakotay interrupted. "It's the only option, Kathryn. I can't let you watch me lose my mind, I just can't..."

"What you can't let me do is watch you die," she replied, "not without a fight... not at least without trying..."

"If there was anything the Doctor could do, he would do it. But there's nothing. It has to be this way..."

Kathryn put her hands on his arms, her vision blurring. "Medication may help more than you think... And who knows what advances doctors in the Federation have made? You can't give up, Chakotay. You just can't..."

"You don't have to make the decision right away," the Doctor said. "It will be some time yet before you lose your mind completely."

A tear ran down Chakotay's cheek. "I can't let you watch me lose any of it, Kathryn. I want it to be done as soon as possible."

"No," Kathryn cried, squeezing his arms tight. "We'll get through this together..."

"It's the Commander's decision," the Doctor said. "And he's making the right one. We don't even keep mad animals in cages."

"But Chakotay's not mad," Kathryn said, turning to him, anger beginning to set in. "There'll be no lethal injection. As Captain, I prohibit it."

"You don't have the power to override me on medical matters," the Doctor answered. "This is the Commander's decision and his alone."

"And I've made up my mind," Chakotay said. "It has to be, Kathryn, for all our sakes..."

Kathryn shook her head, anger and another million emotions swirling inside her.

"I'm not settling for this," she said. "No way in hell." She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to transporter room one, transport Commander Chakotay to the brig. Janeway out."

Chakotay questioned. "Kathryn?"

But before she could give an answer, Chakotay had dematerialized. Kathryn hit her commbadge again. "Janeway to the brig. Keep Commander Chakotay confined until I tell you otherwise. Janeway out."

She then turned to Tuvok. "I want to examine all the evidence against Chakotay myself. Something is not right here. While I'm doing that, I want an inch by inch inspection of holodeck two."

"Yes, Captain," Tuvok answered.

Kathryn now turned to the Doctor. "And I want you to double check all the results of Chakotay's examination and present a report to me as soon as possible."

"But I assure you that..."

"Just do it, Doctor!"

He was subdued. "Yes, Captain."

* * *

B'Elanna found her captain, jacket off and sleeves rolled up, ploughing through data in astrometrics.

"You wanted to see me, Captain."

"Yes," Kathryn answered, finishing processing a piece of information before turning to look at her Chief Engineer. "I don't know how much you know about the goings on this morning, but I'm not happy with the way Tuvok has conducted the investigation. Something's very wrong. Call it a hunch, intuition, but I just know that something is wrong."

"Tom said something about aliens infiltrating the holodeck..."

"That might well be the case," Kathryn answered. "It would certainly make a hell of a lot more sense than the present version of events."

"You'd better fill me in," B'Elanna said. "What happened?"

"Just after ten this morning, Harry came to see me, telling me I was needed on the holodeck. But when I got there, a hologram of Chakotay was waiting for me. To cut a long story short, he tried to kill me, but I managed to escape. Tuvok investigated the incident and says that Chakotay created the program with the deliberate intention of killing me."

"But that's ridiculous!" B'Elanna cried. "Chakotay loves you..."

"Apparently Chakotay was caught on camera leaving the holodeck just after the program had been created. The Doctor examined him for any indication of mind-control, but found nothing. Then, an hour later, he examined Chakotay again and diagnosed sensory tremens with the advice that we give him a lethal injection."

B'Elanna's eyes widened in disbelief.

"Something's very wrong, B'Elanna," Kathryn continued. "It's not like the Doctor to give up on a patient so easily, and I don't for a moment believe that Chakotay is sick or that he created that program. Something else is going on and we've got to get to the bottom of it. I'm double checking everything Tuvok found myself and I want you to run a diagnostic of the Doctor's program, see if anyone's tampered with it to falsely diagnose Chakotay."

"I'll do it right away, Captain."

As she turned to leave, Kathryn returned to her task. B'Elanna slowed down as she reached the doors, and then turned back to her Captain.

"Did you say it was Harry who said you were needed in the holodeck, Captain?"

"Yes," Kathryn said, turning towards her again.

"But that can't be, Captain," B'Elanna continued. "He's been looking after Miral all morning."

"He has?"

"Yes. I didn't have anyone to look after her this morning so Harry said he would, seeing as it's his day off and he had nothing planned."

"Of course," Kathryn said quietly. "It's Harry's day off..." She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to Harry Kim."

Harry's voice answered. "Go ahead, Captain."

"Did you come to my ready room, just after ten o'clock this morning, telling me that I was needed in the holodeck?"

"No, Captain," Harry answered sincerely. "I was looking after Miral all morning."

Kathryn nodded. "Thank you, Harry. Janeway out."

"If it wasn't Harry," B'Elanna asked, "who was it?"

"Perhaps the same aliens that posed as a hologram of Chakotay on the holodeck," Kathryn said.

"But why? If they can exist like the Doctor in places without holo-emitters, they don't need our holodecks to manifest themselves. And if they want this ship, why just try to kill you and Chakotay? Why not the rest of us..."

"I don't know," Kathryn answered. "I just..." She stopped mid-sentence as a realization dawned on her.

"What?" B'Elanna questioned. "What is it?"

"The Doctor," Kathryn said quietly, everything suddenly clear. "He can transform himself into any one of us and his program has been malfunctioning lately..."

"But I fixed it," B'Elanna answered. "He should be functioning properly..."

"If memory capacity was the problem. It maybe be something else..." She paused. "Computer, take the EMH offline."

The computer voice responded. "EMH offline."

Kathryn addressed B'Elanna again. "Let's perform that diagnostic."

* * *

It seemed an eternity as Kathryn waited for B'Elanna's verdict on the Doctor's program.

"There's no doubt about it," she said at last. "Our culprit is definitely the Doctor. Lately he's transformed himself into Harry and Chakotay, as well as other members of the crew, and the times correspond with events this morning."

Relief consumed Kathryn. This meant that Chakotay definitely wasn't ill.

"But I don't understand it," B'Elanna continued. "Insufficient memory has corrupted his personality subroutines again. But there's no way he should have used up so much memory so soon."

"Perhaps you underestimated how quickly his program expands."

"I really don't think so, Captain. But then holotechnology isn't my speciality..."

"Maybe not, but you know much more than anyone else on board. What do you suggest we do?"

"I don't know, Captain," B'Elanna replied honestly. "I really don't know. It's going to take some thinking. I could try to increase his memory capacity again, but if his program continues to expand at such a rate, we'll be faced with the same problem again next week." She paused. "It might not be possible to fix him, Captain. We might have to return him to what he was when we first activated him."

* * *

Chakotay was sitting, his head in his hands, when Kathryn arrived at the brig. She dismissed those on duty and deactivated the forcefield herself. Chakotay looked up at the buzz and saw his wife standing before him.

"It wasn't you," she said softly. "The Doctor's program has been malfunctioning again."

Tears welled in Chakotay's eyes and he got to his feet. "Then I'm not ill?"

"No," Kathryn replied. "The Doctor was just playing on your fear. He wanted to kill me and eliminate you so he could take Voyager for himself." She smiled warmly. "You're just fine."

They gazed at each other for a moment and then Kathryn bridged the gap between them and held him tight.

* * *

It was close to midnight and B'Elanna was still working on the Doctor's program.

"You really should get some rest," Kathryn said, walking over to her.

"I'm almost done," B'Elanna replied. "I'm just slow booting the Doctor's program now to see that everything's okay."

A light filled Kathryn's tired eyes. "You were able to fix him?" The Doctor had become a good friend and the thought of losing him was weighing heavily on the hearts of all the crew.

"I think so, Captain. The problems in his program were more severe than I realised last week. I assumed it was a memory problem, but the memory problem was caused by corrupted files in one section that had grown over a hundred times larger than what they should have been. As soon as new files were added to that section, they enlarged too. The Doctor adds hundreds of files there within a week, and that's what caused his program to overload, causing his personality subroutines to malfunction. But I've managed to fix the problem. It shouldn't happen again." She paused. "I also gave more thought to Chakotay's idea.about making the Doctor's memory more selective. His program contained a lot of needless memories such as walking in an out of a room. I've altered his program to auto-delete such memories after a period of ten days. I'm hoping it won't have changed the core of who he is, but we won't know for certain until he's online again."

"How long will it take to get him online?"

"He should come online any moment now. His program just needs to finish booting." B'Elanna stepped away from the console she had been working on and rubbed her aching neck. "I just hope it works, Captain. If not, we've lost the Doctor forever..."

Kathryn put a kind hand on her shoulder. "You've done your best, B'Elanna. No one can do more than that."

She nodded sadly. "Even if he is himself," she said, "we're going to have to monitor him closely for the next couple of weeks to make sure everything's okay."

The console behind B'Elanna suddenly beeped and then the Doctor materialized before them.

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency."

B'Elanna glanced at Kathryn nervously and then back at the Doctor. "Do you recognize us, Doctor?"

"Of course I recognize you, Lieutenant," the Doctor answered. "You're B'Elanna Paris nee Torres, and you're Captain Kathryn Janeway."

"And do you know what stardate it is?"

"Stardate 55631.7. What's this about? Why was I taken offline?"

"Your program malfunctioned again," Kathryn answered. "What is the last thing you remember?"

The Doctor thought a moment. "Attending to Commander Chakotay in sickbay. There had been an incident on the holodeck, you had been attacked. I healed your injuries."

"You remember nothing after that?"

"Nothing, Captain." He paused. "What happened? Did aliens infiltrate the holodeck?"

"No, Doctor," Kathryn said cautiously. "The malfunction in your program seriosuly corrupted your personality subroutines, making you behave in uncharacteristic ways. But B'Elanna's fixed the problem now. It shouldn't happen again."

A pain filled the Doctor's holographic eyes. "Are you saying it was me, Captain? That I attacked you?"

Kathryn stepped forward and put her hand on his shoulder. "You weren't yourself, Doctor. You weren't responsible for your actions."

The Doctor was little comforted. "I could have killed you, Captain..."

"It wasn't you, Doctor. Don't blame yourself."

"Who else is there to blame, Captain?"

"Doctor, it was just..."

"You have to change me back to what I was," he continued. "What I am now can't be trusted..."

"You malfunctioned, Doctor, that's all..."

"And what if I do so again?" He tore off his mobile-emitter. "At least take this, Captain. What good's my freedom if it's someone else's death?"

"There's no need for that, Doctor. We're going to keep you closely monitored for the next couple of weeks..."

"There's every need," he said. "Take it, please..."

Kathryn took it with a sigh. "Alright, but I'll only keep it until your quarantine is over."

"Captain..."

"You've got to face the fact that you sometimes get sick just like the rest of us," she said firmly, "only you need a different kind of doctor." She paused. "Now, it's been one hell of a day and I'm exhausted. I'll leave B'Elanna to answer any questions you may have."

The Doctor nodded, her words clearly having had an impact. "Yes, Captain."

"Goodnight, Doctor." She turned to B'Elanna and smiled. "Goodnight, B'Elanna, and good work."

B'Elanna smiled in return. "Goodnight, Captain."

* * *

Chakotay was sitting in their dimly lit quarters cradling Silvia when Kathryn arrived there. She looked around the room, having expected to see Celes, not Chakotay, attending to the twins.

"Where's Celes?"

"Feeding Stevie in the nursery. I couldn't sleep, not with everything that's happened, and thought I'd sit with Silvie for a while." He paused. "Any news on the Doctor's program?"

"He's all fixed," Kathryn answered. "As I thought, it wasn't a memory problem. Part of his program had become corrupt, and this kept enlarging files so much that it caused a memory overload. B'Elanna sorted it." She smiled. "She also took up your idea of selective memory, and was able to alter his program to accommodate it." She held up the mobile-emitter. "The Doctor insisted on me taking his emitter, going on about how much of a threat he is to everyone. So, I said I'd take it until his quarantine is over...we need to monitor him over the next couple of weeks, just to see that everything is okay."

"Very wise," Chakotay said. "We can't put the crew in danger, even if that danger comes from one of us..."

"I know," Kathryn said, putting the emitter safely on a shelf. "I was just trying to reassure him."

"What should we do about allowing him to attend patients? Wait until the quarantine is over?"

"I didn't even think about that," Kathryn said, putting her hand to her brow as she made her way over to him. "My mind is so tired..." She paused. "But I think we should. We can't risk him falsely diagnosing someone again and giving them medication or surgery they don't need. Tom will have to take over for the next couple of weeks."

Chakotay got to his feet, still holding Silvie, and put his hand on his wife's shoulder. "And you have to get some rest, Kathryn. You go to bed and I'll join you as soon as I've put this little one down."

Kathryn smiled softly. "Alright." She gazed at her daughter and kissed her little head. "Goodnight, darling."

She then watched as Chakotay carried the precious child to the nursery, before making her way to the bedroom.

* * *

Petal watched from her doggie bed as her mistress climbed into bed, and then the animal lowered her head and went back to sleep. The bed was soft, welcoming, and Kathryn eagerly lay down . As soon as she did so, the doors to the bedroom opened, and Chakotay came in. He took off his robe and climbed into the bed beside her. Kathryn snuggled up to him and Chakotay took her in his arms. He kissed her hair and caressed her arm softly. He couldn't get out of his mind what had happened on the holodeck and was worried about her. After everything she had been through with the Cardassians, after the flashback she had experienced lately, she didn't need this experience. He wanted her to feel absolutely safe with him and was worried how this incident might effect her.

"I'd never hurt you, Kathryn," he whispered. "I'd rather die than ever hurt you..."

"I know that," she answered. "Of course I do. And I knew straight away that he wasn't you..."

"What...What did he do to you?"

Kathryn raised herself to look at him, wanting to put what she knew was a troubled mind at rest. "Not much, Chakotay. We were barely there five minutes. He tried to strangle me, that's all, but I managed to escape."

Chakotay brushed her hair away from her face. "He didn't...he didn't do...anything else?"

"No," Kathryn said firmly, understanding his meaning. "No."

Tears welled in Chakotay's eyes. "I love you, Kathryn. I couldn't bear it if ... if you had that memory ... of my image..."

Kathryn took his hand in hers. "Nothing like that happened, Chakotay. I swear..."

"And you're not afraid...with me?"

"Of course not," Kathryn replied. "I love you, I trust you, with all that I am..."

A tear ran down Chakotay's cheek. "When I think what could have happened...if he'd...I couldn't go through it again...losing you."

Kathryn tenderly traced the course of his tear. "Just like I couldn't bear to lose you, Chakotay." She paused. "That's why I want you to promise me something."

"Anything."

"That you'll never again give up on life so quickly, no matter what the problem."

A pain filled Chakotay's eyes and he drew away from her. "I can't," he said, sitting up. "Because if I ever do develop sensory tremens, I can't let you watch me go mad."

Kathryn sat up also and put her hand on his shoulder. "I understand, Chakotay, I do. I know how much a fate like your grandfather's frightens you. But if you ever do develop the condition, you can't give up so quickly. New medicines are being developed all the time, and one day soon there may be a cure."

"But if there isn't? I saw my grandfather lose more and more of his mind every day. You can't imagine what it's like, seeing someone you love suffer that way. I couldn't do it to you. I couldn't do it to Silvie and Stevie..."

Kathryn's voice fell to a whisper. "To us or to yourself, Chakotay?"

There was a long silence and then Chakotay began to weep softly. "I don't know, Kathryn. I don't know..."

Kathryn drew close to him, not expecting his tears, and caressed his broad back. "Chakotay..."

"I was just a boy," he said, looking up, the tears ebbing. "It was terrifying ... what he went through ... I have always been afraid... terrified ... that it will happen to me...I'd rather die, Kathryn...I'd rather die..."

Kathryn put her hand to his cheek and then brushed back the hair from his temple. "And if it was me, if I had this condition, would you want me to give up without a fight?"

"You'll never have it," he answered.

"No, but there are other conditions that can have similar effects... Would you want me to give up without even trying?"

"No," Chakotay said quietly. He then looked up at her and another tear ran down his face. " But I would administer the injection myself if it would spare you suffering the way he did..."

"Oh, Chakotay..." she whispered.

"I would do anything for you, Kathryn," he continued, "but I can't promise you something I don't know that I can keep..."

Kathryn took his hands in hers. "All I ask is that you don't give up so easily. That's all I want you to promise me, Chakotay...that's all..." Her voice fell to a whisper. "Please..."

There was so much longing in voice, in her face, that Chakotay couldn't refuse her. If the time came, then he would have to be strong ... he would have to be strong for her.

"I promise," he said, squeezing her hands. "I promise."

* * *

**TWO WEEKS LATER**

Elissia was at last within transporter range. It was now winter on the planet's surface and the temperature was below freezing. Kathryn was worried about taking Stevie to the mountain, but the Doctor, who was now out of quarantine and reunited with his mobile-emitter, reassured her that Stevie would be alright so long as he was dressed correctly and carried in a baby warmer - a carrier that would keep him warm for over twelve hours through heated gel packs.

Dressed in a hooded blue baby parka suit that covered his entire body and feet, a white fleece hat, and matching white gloves, Stevie was all ready for his first outing. In the transporter room, Kathryn gently placed him into the small carrier and tucked a warm blanket around him. She then pulled over the top of the carrier, zipping it in place, before lifting the hood and pulling down the ventilated protector.

When all was done, Chakotay picked up the carrier, and Kathryn gave the command for James Riley to transport, her, Chakotay, Tom and Stevie to the surface.

* * *

It was snowing a blizzard when they materialized on the planet and Kathryn shivered as the cold air penetrated her body and knifed her lungs. The wind was stronger than ever and she had to take a hold of Tom's arm to steady herself. Ploughing through the snow storm, they made their way to the cave entrance. The bitter wind died away as they ventured inside, warming the air. Kathryn checked on Stevie, and saw that he was still sleeping. She brushed away flakes of snow that had fallen on the carrier and then helped Tom to light the torches they would need to see their way in the dark mountain labyrinth.

* * *

The dark tunnel wound on and on, and grew colder the further they advanced. Every now and then Kathryn stopped to check on Stevie, but he seemed perfectly content.

"We're almost there," Chakotay said, after they had been walking for almost an hour. "I recognize this bend. The markings are distinctive. We should hear the water any moment..."

But as they walked around the bend, all that greeted them was more silence and more darkness. They walked on, waiting to hear the water, waiting to see the light... but neither came.

They followed one more bend and then there was nothing to follow. There was no more tunnel. They had reached a hollow. Kathryn and Tom cast their torches around, taking in what they could in the dim light, and Chakotay surveyed their surroundings too. Kathryn's heart sank in realization. They had reached Elissia, but Elissia had gone. They were in an empty cavern. There was no light, no water.

"I don't understand," Tom said. "Where's Elissia?"

"It might be the will of the gods to withhold healing," Chakotay said. "In which case, it's not our place to question."

"Why would they choose not to heal a baby?" Tom asked. "What kind of gods do you believe in?"

"Gods who have wisdom beyond that of man," Chakotay replied.

Kathryn gazed at the sleeping baby in the carrier before her, her eyes heavy from unshed tears. She had been so sure that Elissia would heal him, so sure.

"Let's just get out of here," she said quietly.

"You both go," Tom said. "I'd like to take a look around ... see if there's any clues to what made Elissia work. Perhaps the weather has frozen the water supply...blocked out the light..."

"It's too dangerous to be alone in here," Kathryn said firmly, her disappointment manifesting itself in toned anger. "We're all going back to the ship. End of discussion."

* * *

Chakotay watched from the kitchen entrance as Kathryn cuddled Stevie in her arms. She had barely said a word since leaving Elissia, and Stevie had been in her arms since they had returned to the ship. Chakotay put down the glass of water he held in his hands, and walked over to his wife.

"I could be jealous," he said gently, "all the cuddles he's getting."

"I just want him to know I'm here," Kathryn said, stroking her son's forehead. "It must be so silent in his world..."

"He'll be alright," Chakotay said, sitting beside her. "The Doctor said he can help him to hear."

"I know," Kathryn replied. "I just... I was just so sure that Elissia would heal him..."

"So was I."

"It's hard to believe that only a few weeks ago, Elissia was a place of running water filled with light, but is now nothing but a dark hollow."

"Yes. If the gods control Elissia, then it's their privilege to bestow or withdraw healing at their discretion. But perhaps Tom was right, the weather was responsible. Or perhaps Elissia only functions certain times of the year. Even certain times of a century, a millennium." He paused. "But what ever the reason, I'm sure thankful it brought you back to me..."

Kathryn turned to him and smiled softly. "So am I." Her smile then faded and tears welled in her eyes. "But what if the Doctor can't help him, Chakotay ... if it doesn't work? What if Stevie will never be able to hear?" That Stevie had been able to hear in the alternate future she had witnessed, didn't automatically mean he would be able to hear in this one.

Chakotay put a kind hand on her shoulder. "Then we'll do everything that we can to help him have a good, happy, life, and to know how special he is and how much we love him." He kissed her forehead. "Come on, let's go and discuss things with the Doctor. The sooner we know what exactly can be done for Stevie, the sooner we can help him."

* * *

Kathryn held Stevie in her arms as she and Chakotay discussed his condition with the Doctor.

"You said you could help him hear by placing a device in his ears," Kathryn began. "How soon can it be done?"

"Now if you wish," the Doctor replied. "It's a simple operation. It's just a matter of transporting the devices into his ears. But they will need to be changed every few weeks until he reaches adulthood."

"And these earring aids will give him at least seventy five percent hearing?"

"Yes, Captain. He'll be able to hear general sounds like talking, clapping, and music, but sounds below a certain decibel he won't be able to hear. But on a day to day basis it shouldn't make much difference. The seventy five percent comes in the range of hearing rather than the volume. Your voice will sound the same to him as to Silvie, only his range of hearing will be less."

Chakotay questioned now. "Will he need special schooling?"

"No," the Doctor answered. "But it might be an idea for you all to learn sign language... Silvia too. The earlier they learn it, the easier it will be for them to pick it up. Stevie's hearing will depend almost entirely on technology and if an unforeseen problem does develop, not that I expect it too, he will have another means of communication. I'm sure there'll be a holo-program in our database offering classes. If not, it shouldn't be difficult to create one."

"Then we'll do that," Kathryn said. "Whatever is necessary." She paused. "How long will the operation take?"

"Only a couple of minutes," the Doctor answered. "You can both be present."

"And you can do it now?"

The Doctor nodded. "Just put him down on the biobed behind you."

Kathryn did what she was told and put Stevie down on the bed with a kiss. The Doctor then put a hypospray to his little neck and he fell asleep.

"He must be perfectly still," the Doctor explained. He then went over to his monitor and console and began to prepare for the operation, talking as he did so.

"I'm just mapping his left inner ear. "Every hearing device is individually designed."

Chakotay went over to Kathryn and put his hand on her shoulder, a small gesture of comfort. Kathryn put her hand over his and squeezed it, returning the gesture.

"That's the left ear done," the Doctor continued. "Now the right."

He mapped Stevie's inner right ear, generated a hearing device, and then transported it into his ear.

"All done," he said, making his way from the console to his tiny patient. "I'll need to perform an intense hearing test to determine the exact percentage of hearing the devices give him," he continued, "but we'll get a rough idea as soon as he wakes up and you speak to him." He smiled. "A baby hears many sounds in the womb, but his favorite of all is his mother's voice. It's the first human voice he becomes aware of and recognizes. Therefore, I think you should be the first to speak to him, Captain."

Kathryn nodded and watched as the Doctor woke Stevie up. As he was waking, she lifted him into her arms and cradled him close.

"Hello Stevie, darling" she said softly. "This is your Mommy's voice."

Stevie stirred beneath her and opened his little eyes as she spoke.

"Can you hear me, sweetheart?"

His mouth opened, letting out a bewildered little cry, but stopping as he heard himself.

"It's alright, honey," Kathryn whispered, tears welling in her eyes, "everything is alright." She kissed his little forehead. "Don't be afraid. There's nothing to fear, darling. Nothing at all." She turned him towards Chakotay. "Your Daddy wants to say hello too."

Chakotay placed his little finger in Stevie's hand and the child clutched it tight. "Hello Stevie," Chakotay said softly, "hello son."

The Doctor, who was now back at his monitor, spoke. "Roughly eighty three percent," he said happily. "Better than we could have hoped for."

Kathryn smiled, wiped away a tear, and kissed her son again. She then laughed softly. "If I'm not mistaken, I think he's just deposited us a little something. Must have been the surprise."

Chakotay laughed too and Kathryn held Stevie out to his father.

"Your turn, Mister."

Chakotay took his son in his arms and put him against his shoulder with a smile. "Yes, Ma'am."

**END OF PART TWO**


	28. Living Dead: Part One

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN**

**LIVING DEAD**  
**Part One**

"Damn," Kathryn said in frustration as a large black spider she was trying to trap in a long-handled catcher ran away from her and crawled onto the ceiling of her quarters. Seven had come up with the idea of collecting various non-venemous insects during an away mission to an m-class planet, so that they could serve as both an example of alien insect life, and as an educational tool for Voyager's young crew members. All had gone well until a junior officer had forgotten to close the lid on the spider tank and the creatures had escaped. They were now turning up all over the ship and this was the third one that Kathryn had found in her quarters.

Naomi and Vixi, who were sitting on the couch holding Silvie and Stevie under Celes's supervision, laughed heartedly as they watched their captain try to catch the insect.

"Maybe it would be easier to catch it with a jar, Captain," Celes suggested.

"Maybe so," Kathryn replied, "but I'm not getting any closer than I have too."

She hit the ceiling, trying to frighten the creature into movement, but it stayed right where it was.

"Damn," she said again, "trust Chakotay to be on a Vision Quest when I need him."

The spider began to move again, climbing back down onto the wall.

"You should be able to get it now, Captain," Naomi smiled.

Kathryn tried to catch the spider, but when it darted suddenly towards her, she recoiled, dropping the catcher.

Naomi and Vixi laughed again.

"Alright," Kathryn said, losing patience. "If you want to play games, I'm more than a match for you." With a determined effort, she scooped the spider in the catcher.

Naomi cheered. "Yay, Captain..."

Kathryn gave a bow and then wiped her brow. "Now, I think that deserves a coffee...decaffinaeted of course..."

Seven's voice suddenly sounded. "Seven of Nine to Captain Janeway."

"Go ahead."

"Please report to astrometrics."

"On my way."

The connection terminated and Kathryn put down the catcher on a table. "Looks like the coffee will have to wait." She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to transporter room two. One spider in a catcher to transport to hydroponics."

* * *

Seven was studying an area of space on the screen in astrometrics when Kathryn arrived.

"What's the problem, Seven?"

"There is an asteroid zone of substantial magnitude less than two light years away."

"Can we evade it?"

"Yes, but it would add almost a thousand light years to our journey."

"A thousand light years? Then it is of substantial magnitude."

"Traveling around the zone itself would only take us a few weeks, but we would then come to an area of space containing multiple black holes that we would also need to avoid."

"I see," Kathryn replied. "Is it possible to travel through the asteroid zone?"

"I have plotted two routes. At a maximum speed of warp two, both would get us through the zone in approximately three weeks."

She highlighted the two routes on the screen, one in yellow and the other in green.

"We'll take the yellow," Kathryn smiled. "I prefer the color." She put her hand on Seven's shoulder. "Send all course details to the bridge. We'll start moving once Chakotay returns."

* * *

Chakotay found Kathryn feeding Stevie when he returned from his Vision Quest t that afternoon. Kathryn looked up at him and smiled. "How did it go?"

"Good," he said, taking off his jacket.

"I've been thinking," Kathryn said, wiping food from Stevie's mouth, "it might be an idea for you to teach me more of your beliefs and customs. That way I'll be more familiar with them as Silvie and Stevie are growing up."

"I'd be happy too," he said, pouring himself a glass of water, "although to someone of your nature, I'm sure a lot of it will appear," he searched for the words, "empty superstition."

"Maybe, but I would like to learn, Chakotay. It's important that I take an interest, then if Silvie and Stevie ask me a question, I'll be able to help them."

Chakotay's eyes twinkled mischeviously. "Then how about we begin tonight by contacting your animal guide again?"

"If he's still there," Kathryn teased. "He may have given up on me after all this time."

"He'll be there," Chakotay smiled.

* * *

I never thought I'd say it," Harry said as he shared a beer with Chakotay and Tom in Sandrine's that evening, but I really wouldn't mind some conflict with aliens right now. Safe space is so boring."

"Are you kidding?" Tom asked, supping his beer. "I'll take safe space over an alien attack any day."

"I'll second that," Chakotay said.

Harry sighed. "What's the matter with you guys? You're not going to get all serious on me now that you're old married men, are you?"

"Children just change your perspective," Tom explained. "Miral's safety is more important to me than a few hours of adrenaline rush."

"Battle was never why I joined Starfleet in the first place," Chakotay elaborated. "I wanted to be an explorer. Unfortunately, I wasn't enough of a scientist to be a science officer, so I ended up teaching at the academy."

"You'll feel the same, Harry," Tom continued, "when you marry and have kids."

Harry lowered his eyes, the words digging into a wound that was still fresh.

"I'm sorry," Tom said, realizing. "I didn't think..."

"It's okay," Harry said, forcing a smile.

Tom got to his feet. "Let me get you another drink."

"No," Harry protested, "I'm fine, really..."

But Tom had already gone.

"You must miss Arlei," Chakotay said sadly.

Harry nodded. "The worst thing," he said quietly, "is not knowing if she's alright. Anything could have happened to her and I'll never know..."

"I'm sure she's just fine," Chakotay said, trying to reassure him, "and has safely reached her destination."

Harry looked up at him. "But what if she hasn't? What if she never made it through the wormhole? What if her ship ran into problems? What if she ran out of food supplies or energy resources? What if she was attacked by aliens or taken prisoner?"

"That's a lot of what ifs," Chakotay answered. "And if you think too much on them you'll go crazy. All you can do is have faith, faith that Arlei made it safely through the wormhole and to her people. And there's no reason to believe otherwise. Have faith, Harry. Have faith in Arlei. She deserves nothing less."

Harry nodded and smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Commander."

* * *

Millions of asteroids hung in the blackness of space, glowing a thousand different colors. Kathryn stood at the window of her living room and gazed out at them. They were breathtaking, like nothing she had ever seen before. They sparkled like jewels against black velvet. Chakotay entered the room and stood in the doorway, looking out in wonder.

Kathryn turned to him briefly. "Beautiful, aren't they?"

Chakotay joined her at the window. "What are they made of?"

"I don't know, but we're going to have to take some samples."

Tuvok's voice sounded over the comm. "Tuvok to Captain Janeway."

"Go ahead," Kathryn said, turning towards Chakotay.

"I've just picked up an automated distress call. It seems to be coming from a ship just over a light year away."

Kathryn looked at Chakotay rather regretfully. "I'll be right there. Janeway out."

* * *

As soon as Kathryn reached the bridge, she went over to Tuvok's station. "How many lifesigns onboard?"

"I am not detecting any, Captain," he replied. "There is much interference...Cannot get a clear reading."

"What is causing this interference?"

"My guess would be the ship's security shield."

"Try hailing them."

Tuvok did what he was asked. "No response, Captain."

"Keep trying, and try to determine the shield's frequency. Unless we can penetrate it, we won't be able to help any living humanoids inside." She turned to the helm. "Mr Farrow, set a course for the ship, maximum speed." She then addressed Tuvok again. "It will be a few hours before we're within transporter range. Keep the ship closely monitored and inform me immediately of any developments."

* * *

Early the next morning, Kathryn returned to the bridge. Tuvok was still at his station and Seven was working at Harry's console. No one had contacted her during the night, which could only mean that no more was known about the occupants of the ship.

"Report," she said, walking over to Tuvok's station.

"I have been unsuccessful in determining the shield's frequency, Captain. Seven of Nine is now trying."

"How long until we are within transporter range?"

"Approximately twenty minutes."

"Have we learnt anything more at all about the ship or who might be occupying it?"

"Very little, Captain. Their shield interfers with our sensors so determing the dimensions of the ship has proved problematic. The information we have gathered, however, suggests that it is a large ship, possibly more advanced than Voyager."

Kathryn pulled up data on a monitor before her and studied it. "If these figures are correct, I would say it's certainly a lot larger than Voyager." She worked her console. "The question is, are they alone? It's the oldest trick in the book to cry wolf and trap the good samaritan. If they are more advanced, but we could still have something they want." She analyzed the data before her. "There doesn't appear to be any ships in the vicinity, but they may be cloaked." She scoured through more data and then addressed Tuvok. "But there is nothing overtly suspicious. We'll continue to treat this as a distress call until we have reason to suspect otherwise. To be on the safe side, however, put the ship at orange alert."

"Yes, Captain."

Seven spoke. "I have determined their shield frequency, Captain. I am penetrating it now..."

"Try to determine if there are any lifesigns..."

Seven worked the console busily and then spoke again. "I am detecting twenty three steady lifesigns." She then looked up at her captain in surprise. "They appear to be human."

Kathryn eyes widened in astonishment. "Human?"

"Both male and female."

Tuvok questioned. "What would humans be doing on an alien ship this far from the Federation?"

"I have no idea," Kathryn answered. "But I mean to find out. Hail them again, Tuvok."

Tuvok did so. "No response, Captain.

"Their communication system is not working" Seven said, "and their ship appears to be badly damaged." She paused. "Should we transport all onboard to Voyager?"

"Not yet," Kathryn replied. "Their lifesigns are stready so they can't be in need of immediate medical attention. We're going to have to send an away team to the ship and assess the situation before we bring them onboard. Who knows what we're dealing with. It could be species 8472 in disguise." She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to Chakotay and Harry Kim. Report to the bridge immediately. Janeway out. " She then addressed Tuvok. "You and I will go to the ship." She then turned to Seven. "You too. But first go and inform the Doctor what has happened and tell him to prepare for an away mission. Then the two of you report to transporter room one and Tuvok and I will meet you there as soon as Chakotay and Harry take over here."

Seven did not immediately respond. Her attention seemed to be taken with something else.

"Something's wrong."

Kathryn questioned. "What do you mean?"

"I am no longer able to penetrate what appears to be the ship's bridge. Their shield frequency must have changed." She worked the console. "It must have detected our penetration and is attempting to compensate."

"Why just the bridge? Why not the rest of the ship?"

"From what I can gather a malfunction in their shield generator, possibly caused by the damage to the ship."

"Do you have the new frequency?"

"Negative. I could attempt to determine it, but as soon as we penetrate the shield in that region again, it will change."

"Then we're just going to have to transport to another area of the ship," Kathryn concluded, "and make our way to the bridge on foot."

* * *

Forty minutes later, Kathryn, Tuvok, Seven and the Doctor were transported to the ship. When they materialised, they found themselves in a long, almost dark, silver corridor that seemed to stretch out into oblivion. Kathryn pulled out a torch and shone the light around, taking in their surroundings, while Tuvok analyzed data on his tricorder.

"Looks empty," Kathryn said, "but keep your phasers ready, just incase." She turned to Tuvok. "Which way?"

"The center of the ship appears to be behind us," Tuvok answered. "But following this corridor to our right should eventually lead us to it."

Kathryn pulled out her own tricorder and analyzed their position for herself. "And the entire route appears to be vacant." She began to walk down the dark corridor. "Get behind me in single file."

Everyone fell in line and they began to venture down the corridor. The metal floor creaked beneath them, echoing eerily. They turned a corner and the air got colder, the light dimmer. Debris lay here and there and part of the left corridor wall was missing. The shapes cast shadows all around, making it harder to see.

Kathryn strained her eyes, trying to see what lay ahead, and stepped carefully through the broken metal all around. She stepped over a fallen boulder and suddenly, unexpectedly, the floor gave way beneath her. She felt herself fall through thin air as she heard Tuvok call out.

"Captain..."

Then she landed on cold metal with a thud.

* * *

Kathryn stirred awake and saw that she was in the familiar surroundings of sickbay. Tom Paris was close by and he smiled now.

"Welcome back, Captain."

Kathryn sat up. "The away team..."

"They're just fine, Captain. They've gone on without you. Chakotay took your place."

Kathryn got off the bed. "I must get to the bridge."

Tom stopped her. "Not so fast. You suffered several cracked ribs, a broken leg, and a nasty gash to the head. You need to rest."

"I can't leave Harry in charge," Kathryn argued. "We have no way of knowing who occupies that ship or what their agenda is."

"But Captain..."

"And I need you at the helm. We might need to fight our way to safety if they prove hostile."

Tom sighed, knowing that he was defeated. "Yes, Ma'am."

* * *

After almost an hour of cautiously venturing through unstable corridors, Chakotay and the away team approached what appeared to be the center of the ship. The lights in this area were much brighter and it wasn't necessary to keep their torches on. Directly ahead of them were two large double silver doors.

Chakotay turned to his crewmates. "Remember, if they turn out to be hostile aliens in disguise, defend yourselves in any way that you can and flee to an area of the ship where you can be transported back to Voyager."

"We are aware of our instructions," Seven replied. "Let us proceed."

They slowly walked towards the doors and found they opened automatically as they approached. Inside, as they had corrected supposed, was the bridge of the ship. It was almost vacant. Only what appeared to be five or six male humans, dressed in plain brown overalls, occupied it. Immediately the men turned towards them, pulling out their weapons.

"Don't be alarmed," Chakotay said, stepping into the room. "We intend no harm. We're just responding to your distress call."

One of the men, perhaps the leader, stepped forward.

"Starfleet?"

"That's right."

The man lowered his weapon. "What are you doing so far from the Federation?"

"It's a long story," Chakotay replied, lowering his weapon in response. "And I could ask you the same thing. You're human, aren't you?"

"Yes. We've been trying to return to the Federation for over nineteen years. Our warp core failed eight years ago and we knew that without it we wouldn't get very far. So, we headed to this asteroid zone and made camp in one of the only ways through it. We knew then it would only be a matter of waiting for someone to come along."

Chakotay smiled. "Well, it looks like your waiting is over." He paused. "We don't have a spare warp core, but we're heading for the Federation too. You're welcome to join us on our ship."

The man's eyes lit up at that. "You'll give us refuge?"

"Gladly," Chakotay replied. He then held out his hand. "I'm Chakotay, by the way. First Officer."

The man took his hand and shook it. "Lawrence Hillman, Lieutenant." He then turned to a young boy beside him who was listening and watching eagerly. "Spread the news. Tell everyone to collect their belongings."

"Right away," the boy smiled.

"There are some procedures we'll need to follow, however," Chakotay continued. "Our Doctor will need to examine you all before we let you onboard, just incase you're carrying disease."

"I understand."

Chakotay hit his commbadge. "Chakotay to Voyager."

There was no response.

"Chakotay to Voyager."

Kathryn's voice answered, although the signal crackled due to interference. "Go ahead, Commander..."

"As you're probably aware, we've reached the center of the ship. The distress call appears to be genuine and the crew, human. I've offered them harbor on Voyager and they've gladly accepted. The Doctor is going to examine everyone as regulation demands."

"Good work," Kathryn replied. "I look forward to welcoming them onboard. Janeway out."

The connection terminated.

Lawrence questioned. "Voyager is your ship?"

"Yes," Chakotay replied. "Intrepid class. Our Captain is Kathryn Janeway and this is our Chief Security Officer, Commander Tuvok."

A tall black haired man with piercing blue eyes stepped out from the shadows. "Did you say Janeway?"

"That's right," Chakotay replied.

The man's face paled and Chakotay studied him closely. There was a familiarity about him, a feeling he should know him. And yet, he was as unfamiliar as a stranger. He spoke again, his voice trembling slightly. "Is that Kathryn May Janeway as in the daughter of Admiral Edward Janeway?"

"Yes," Chakotay replied again. "Do you know her?"

Tears welled in the man's eyes. "I did," he said, "a long time ago." He paused. "I'm Justin Tighe." He gestured to the man beside him. "And this is her father."

* * *

"Twenty three people is going to be quite a number to accommodate," Tom said thoughtfully from his chair. "What if most of them are civilians who don't know anything about running starships?"

"Then we'll take them along for the ride," Kathryn answered. "But I'm sure there's something we'll find for everyone to do." She smiled. "Even if it's only catching spiders."

"There appears to be at least five children on the ship," Harry commented. "Three boys, two girls..."

"As I said," Tom teased. "Civilians."

"If there's children," Kathryn continued. "Then there's probably going to be couples and families. Dorms won't suffice. We're going to need to make some family rooms." She paused. "Their leader, of course, we'll need to put in our guest lodgings." She turned to Harry. "Have some junior officers prepare the quarters."

* * *

Chakotay stared at the man before him, unsure whether he had really said what he did, or whether he had just imagined it.

Tuvok questioned. "The Captain's father and fiancé perished on Tau Ceti Prime almost twenty years ago. Their bodies were consumed by fish."

"No," Justin answered. "I mean yes, we drowned in that accident, but our bodies were taken by a species called Moralyn to the Gamma Quadrant where we were revived. They're an advanced species and can travel transwarp. But their existence is being threatened by a disease that is killing millions of their people. Their physiology is almost identical to human physiology and for years they've been visiting the Federation in cloaked ships and stealing the bodies of those drowned or frozen to death so they can revive them and experiment on them."

"If it is true," Tuvok continued, "that you were taken by such a species, how have you ended you up in this region of space?"

"Because we escaped. We were nothing but lab rats to them. Guinea Pigs. They did what they liked to us, injected us with all sorts. We couldn't take it any more... couldn't endure. So we planned an escape...perfected it over months. We had nothing to lose. If they found us trying to escape, they wouldn't kill us, we were too precious to them. But even if they did, it would be better than the fate that would await us. So far we'd been lucky, kept with those they wanted to keep healthy. But sooner or later it would be our turn to be infected with the disease too, and that would mean a slow and painful death." He paused. "Edward, Lawrence, and I were all Starfleet men. We knew how to fly a ship. We knew that all we had to do was escape, steal a ship, and set a course for home, how ever long it would take. So, that's what we did, freeing some others while we were at it. We changed the cloaking frequency of the ship we stole so they wouldn't detect us, and escaped at maximum warp. The ship could travel at transwarp but it was beyond our ability. We eventually gave it a try and managed to travel over thirty thousand light years, but the ship almost self-destructed, so we had to stop. There was a lot of damage, too much for us to repair on the resources we had, so we had to go on as we were. The warp core held out another four years, then failed completely."

Tuvok questioned again. "How could you have survived so long without resource replenishment?"

"By careful management of the resources we have. We recycle eveything, live simply, and grow our own food."

The old man beside him had tears in his eyes. "I thought she was dead," he said quietly. "My Kathryn. Never thought she could have survived..."

"We looked for her," Justin continued. "Were sure she'd been taken like us. But when we couldn't find her, assumed she was one of those they had infected with the disease."

"Kathryn was thrown free of the shuttle on impact," Chakotay said. "She suffered only leg and pelvic injuries."

"Let me see her," the old man asked. "Please..."

The Doctor stepped forward, his face full of suspicion. "If you are who you say you are, you won't object to me taking a DNA sample and running it against our database."

"Take all the samples you need," Justin said. "I swear we're telling the truth."

The Doctor opened his medcase and pulled out two cotton buds.

"Open your mouths please."

The two men opened their mouths and the Doctor took a saliva sample from each of them. He then drew to the side to analyze the results.

"We have no reason to deceive you," Lawrence Hillman said. "All is as we've said."

"You are in need of a ship," Tuvok answered. "That could well be reason enough to deceive us."

"We're not deceiving you," Justin said. "Everything we've told you is the truth..."

The Doctor spoke now. "Based on the analysis of their DNA, I'd have to say he's right. According to these test results, this is indeed Lieutenant Justin Tighe and Admiral Edward Janeway."

The old man addressed Chakotay again, tears in his eyes. "Let me see my daughter...please..."

Chakotay hesitated, but then put his hand on the man's shoulder. "Let me explain things to her first. This is going to come as a shock to her."

* * *

Chakotay found Kathryn in her ready room, enjoying a cup of coffee on her couch. She put down the cup when she saw him.

"I wasn't expecting to see you for a while."

Chakotay walked over to her. "Tuvok's taking charge of everything on the ship." He paused. "There's something I have to tell you."

From the look on Chakotay's face, she could only assume that it was bad news. She stood up. "What is it?" Perhaps the occupants of the ship weren't human after all and Chakotay had been forced to play along.

Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder and tried to break the news as gently as he could. "It's your father and Justin," he said quietly. "They're not dead, Kathryn. They're on that ship."

For a long moment Kathryn just stared at him. Then she backed away, shaking her head. "No, that's impossible..."

"Their bodies were taken by aliens to the Gamma Quadrant," Chakotay tried to explain, "where they were revived to be used in scientific experiments. They escaped with a few others, stole a ship, and tried to make their way home. Their warp core failed over eight years ago and they've been stranded in this region of space ever since."

"It's a trick," Kathryn said quietly. "An elaborate deception."

"That was my immediate thought. Species 8472. But their story appears to be legitimate..."

"As legitimate as the tooth fairy," Kathryn cried, anger beginning to manifest. "They're dead, Chakotay. I saw them sink beneath the ice. Do you really think it's plausible that they were taken by aliens? That after a gallant escape from captivity they just happened to turn up on the very same route home that we're taking?"

"Coincidences do happen. And routes through this space are limited. That's why they made camp here in this asteroid zone, knowing it was their best bet of being found."

"I don't believe it," she replied. "It's an illusion, a deception. For some reason, aliens on board that ship are trying to deceive us. I wouldn't be surprised if other crewmembers dead relatives turn up on it aswell. It's all a trap, Chakotay, and we're not falling for it."

"Every instinct tells me it isn't. They didn't know you were captain of this ship. It was as much of a shock to them as it is to us..."

"They'd want it to appear that way. I've had this happen before, Chakotay. Remember? If I'd have believed that alien was really my father five years ago, he'd have taken me into that matrix and to my death..."

A terrible thought then occurred to her and she turned away from Chakotay.

"That's it," she said quietly. "I hit my head when I fell earlier...I'm unconscious...dying...and it's him again... the alien..."

"You're not unconscious or dying," Chakotay said kindly. "This is all real, Kathryn. I swear to you. And we're not in the Delta Quadrant any more. That alien will never bother you again."

Kathryn turned back to him slowly. "We don't know that his species are confined to the Delta Quadrant. Distance may be no object to them. He said he'd be back..."

"If none of this was real, if it was all in your head, I wouldn't be experiencing this too..."

"And how do I know that you're real? You might be part of the hallucination..."

"When that alien was inhabiting your cerebral cortex, he wanted you to believe that you were dead. He did everything he could to convince you of it. If I was him, I'd be doing that now. But I'm not, I'm telling you that you're very much alive..."

Kathryn put her hand to her brow. She didn't know what to believe. But if all this was in her mind, and this Chakotay nothing but an hallucination, there would be no point arguing with him. It would be best to play along and at least pretend that he was real.

"Alright," she said. "But we'll treat this as alien impersonation for now." She looked up at Chakotay. "Tell the Doctor to extract DNA samples from these humanoids and analyze them. Those should tell us whether they are species 8472 or not."

"The Doctor has already performed..."

Kathryn cut him short. "Then tell him to report his findings to me."

"Kathryn..."

"And I want you to go back to the ship and question them further."

Chakotay was about to protest, but before he could say anything, Kathryn was already making her way out of the room. He watched her leave in concern. He knew that all kinds of emotions would be racing through her mind, all kinds of fears, all kinds of doubts. But as much as he wanted too, there was nothing he could do at that moment to help her. It would be best if the Doctor talked to her and told her the results of the DNA tests he'd performed.

* * *

"I have already performed a DNA test, Captain," the Doctor said, having no choice but to stand beside the captains chair on the bridge as she unceasingly worked the console before her. "Without a doubt your father is on that ship..."

Kathryn paid his words little attention. "With the right technology, DNA aswell as appearance can be reproduced."

"Captain..."

"This is all some elaborate deception for who knows what end," she said, finally turning to him. "And I'm not as gullible as they clearly think I am."

"You can't argue with scientific fact, Captain..."

"I can and I do," Kathryn said bluntly. "My father and Justin are dead. That's the only fact here. I don't know what the hell those aliens hope to achieve, but I'm telling you, they won't achieve it." She got to her feet and turned to Harry. "Mr. Kim, recall the away team." She then turned to Tom. "Mr Paris, as soon as the away team are back, get us the hell out of here."

With that, she left the bridge and retired to her ready room.

* * *

In the privacy of her ready room, Kathryn leant against the bar dividing the room and tried to shut out the screaming and contesting voices in her head. She longed with all that she was for the Doctor to be right, for it to really be her father and Justin on that ship, but the reasoning part of her mind was fighting the temptation to believe all the way. They had drowned . She had seen their ship sink beneath the ice. They were dead.. dead...dead...

Suddenly, Voyager began to move and the glittering asteroids outside flew past quicker and quicker until they were at warp speed and they became nothing but a blur. Kathryn looked out of the window and took comfort in the scene. Already they had to be thousands of miles away from the ship. She would never have to think about it again.

Slowly, she made her way from the bar to her desk. She switched on her monitor and sat in her chair. She was in command again, all was as it should be.

Then, without warning, the doors to the room opened and Chakotay came in. He walked straight over to her, his manner anxious.

"What are you doing?"

Kathryn fixed her eyes on the monitor before her. "Working, what does it look like?"

"I mean leaving that ship behind..."

"That ship is a trap," she replied, "and we're not getting drawn into it."

"We have to go back."

Kathryn got to her feet, fixing her death glare on him. "You might be my husband, Chakotay, but don't forget that I'm the Captain of this ship and I give the orders around here!"

"You're making a mistake."

"That ship is a trap! The sooner we're away from it the better..."

"Everything suggests that your father is on that ship..."

"My father is dead," Kathryn said, trying hard to keep a lid on the turmoil inside. "He's no more on that ship than I'm on Mars!"

"You're letting your personal feelings cloud your professional judgment here. You have to turn this ship around and go back..."

"No," Kathryn cried, her agitation increasing, "no I don't! And you're out of line, Chakotay. Right out of line! This is my ship and you do what I say, not the other way around!"

"We checked out the identities of all those on the ship, Kathryn. None of their bodies were ever found..."

"An easy manipulation of information gathered from our database."

Chakotay slowly bridged the gap between them and gently put his hand on her shoulder. "Kathryn, I know how difficult this must be for you. All these years you've..."

Kathryn broke away from him. "If you know how difficult this is, then respect my decision!"

"I can't," Chakotay said calmly. "We have to investigate this further. Don't we at least owe your father that much?"

Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes. "Don't you dare tell me what I owe my father! If I thought for a moment that he was on that ship then I'd be right there, right now. But he's dead, Chakotay. Dead!"

"You're telling yourself that because you're afraid to believe! I know you, Kathryn. You're running away from this the way you always run away from things that affect your heart... You're scared of even contemplating that they might be alive because of how much it will hurt if they're not. But as much as I understand and want to help you, those are not good enough reasons to turn your back on people who in all likelihood need our help." He paused. "If you don't agree to turn this ship around, you're going to leave me with no choice but to relieve you of duty."

Kathryn swallowed, her face pale. "You wouldn't..."

"I have no choice, Kathryn. If I think your professional judgment is impaired because of the personal nature of this case, I have to relieve you of duty."

"Then fine," she answered, pulling the pips from her collar. "Relieve me of duty, take command of this ship. Do what the hell you want!"

With that she threw her captain's pips at him and left the room.

**END OF PART ONE**


	29. Living Dead: Part Two

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT**

**LIVING DEAD**  
**Part Two**

A soft west wind blew, rustling through trees, sending brown autumn leaves tumbling to the ground. Petal played amongst them, chasing a leaf as it blew in the wind, and then diving beneath a bed of russet leaves and rolling in them.

Kathryn sat on a wooden bench beneath a large oak tree, but was oblivious to all that was going on around her. All was fog and confusion in her mind. Could her father and Justin really be alive? It was not impossible. She had learnt over the years that nothing was impossible. But she couldn't believe it, she didn't want too. Chakotay was right. She was afraid. She was afraid of believing they were alive only to find out that it was all a cruel deception.

The holodeck doors opened and Chakotay came in. She glanced at him briefly, but then looked away.

Chakotay walked over to her and stood before her.

"Everyone on the ship has been given a clean bill of health from the Doctor. We've transported them onboard, and Roxa's providing them with refreshments in the mess hall."

Kathryn made no response.

"B'Elanna and Seven and a team from Engineering have gone back to the ship to see if there's any technology on it that will be of use to us in some way. It will probably take them a couple of days to check out everything."

Silence.

"Your father wants to see you," Chakotay said kindly. "Go and see him, Kathryn. He's waiting in the guest quarters."

Kathryn didn't so much as flinch at his words and Chakotay gazed at her sadly. He wanted so much to take her in his arms and hold her close, but he knew her well enough to know that she needed space right now. She needed to come to terms with this in her own way, in her own time. Slowly, he turned around and left the holodeck. As he did so, Kathryn closed her eyes as tears brimmed them.

* * *

The ship was quiet, hardly anyone present in the corridors. Kathryn was glad of that as she stood outside the guest quarters and stared at the door, trying to summon the courage to press the door bell. Her heart was racing and her trembling hands sweaty. She wanted to run away, wanted to be anywhere but here. And yet another part of her, the stronger part, knew she had to face whoever, or whatever, lay behind that door. She closed her eyes, held her breath, and pushed the button.

A voice that had once been dearly familiar called out. "Come in."

The doors opened at his words, but it was a long moment before Kathryn was able to enter. When at last she did, her eyes scoured the room, dreading what they would see and yet at the same time longing for what she hoped they would. At first she saw nothing but furniture before a window of streaming asteroids, but then her eyes fell upon an old man who stood at her right hand side. He was wearing a baggy brown overall that rendered his body shapeless and his face was covered with a white beard. But Kathryn recognized him straight away. The vision of him blurred as tears welled in her eyes.

"Daddy," she whispered.

The old man opened his arms to her and all Kathryn could do was hurry into them.

* * *

The mess hall was busy as Voyager's newest members ate and drank and talked with the senior officers. Tuvok was preparing to give them all a tour of the ship, Harry was organizing where everyone was to sleep, and Naomi and Vixi were busy entertaining the other children who ranged in age from three to ten.

Chakotay searched the crowd, looking to find Justin, and found him standing with Lawrence Hillman. Chakotay studied him carefully. He was a tall man, slim, and very handsome with panther black hair and light blue eyes, much more handsome than Chakotay had imagined. The pictures Kathryn had didn't really do him justice. Chakotay's eyes fell to Justin's hand and he longed to see a wedding ring there, a sign that he was pledged to another woman just as Kathryn was now pledged to him, but his eyes fell on naked skin. He shivered and tried to ignore the sinking feeling inside, the rising fear that all that existed between him and Kathryn would disappear as soon she clapped eyes on her former love.

But, if it the situation wasdifficult for him, he couldn't imagine how Justin was feeling. From what Kathryn had told him, she and Justin had loved each other deeply. If he didn't have someone else, if his heart was still in a way Kathryn's, finding out she had married would be sure to hurt.

"It is very kind of you to welcome us this way," Lawrence said, spotting Chakotay looking at them.

"Not at all," Chakotay said kindly. "We're glad to have you here."

"It's a fine ship you have," the man continued. "And from what I hear, a very resilient one."

"Yes," Chakotay answered. "We've had more than our share of run ins with hostile aliens over the years. Voyager has protected us well. Most of the credit has to go to our Captain for our survival, though. No crew could have a better one. She's got us out of even the most hopeless situations."

Justin gave a soft, almost sad, smile. "Sounds like Kathryn. She was always very determined."

"I know she'll want to speak to you," Chakotay said. "She just needs time to come to terms with this. Losing you and her father the way she did, it almost destroyed her."

Justin lowered his eyes and was a moment in answering. "I hear that you and she are married."

"Yes," Chakotay said quietly. "We married over a year ago."

Justin nodded and then looked up again. "She's a very special woman, Commander. I hope you know that."

There was a definite edge to his words, a hostility, even a threat. But then, if the situation were reversed, he would feel the same. He would want the man who had taken his place in Kathryn's life to love her as much as he did.

"I do," he replied. "Never doubt that."

* * *

"I can't believe that all these years you've been alive," Kathryn said tearfully, gazing in awe at the man before her who was undoubtedly her father. "I thought you were dead."

"As I did you, Goldenbird," he replied, equally as emotional. "I never thought you'd survived."

"I was thrown free of the shuttle," she explained, "didn't get trapped inside..." A tear ran down her cheek. "They searched everywhere for you, Daddy, every inch of the water... but they couldn't find you. We assumed you'd been eaten by fish."

Her father couldn't help smile. "A very heroic fate."

Kathryn had to smile too and then squeezed her fathers hands as she fell serious again. "I missed you so much...We all did..."

Her father looked at her with infinite sadness. "I'm sorry, Kathryn. I'm so sorry I ever asked you and Justin to come on that test flight."

There was so much pain in his eyes, so much regret, that all Kathryn could do was draw him close. "It wasn't your fault, Daddy. You couldn't have known what was going to happen. It was an accident. I blamed myself too...for years I blamed myself, but it was no one's fault. It was an accident."

Her father drew her slightly away. "Why in the world would you blame yourself? The accident had nothing to do with you..."

Another tear ran down Kathryn's cheek. "Because I couldn't save you. I came around, saw you and Justin trapped inside the cabin. There was a console near by and I dragged myself over to it. I thought it was working and wanted to transport you to safety, but could only read enough power to transport one of you. I didn't know what to do. I loved you both so much and I couldn't choose. I just couldn't. So I tried to save you both. But then the console failed and the ship sank."

"Oh Kathryn," her father whispered. "My precious bird. There would have been no power...not if the ship was in pieces. It would just have seemed as though there was."

"I know that now," Kathryn answered. "But for so long I didn't and I just blanked everything out of my mind...couldn't remember...a form of self-protection I suppose..." She paused. "For a long time I didn't know if I could ever go in another spacecraft. But I knew that I had too. As hard as it was, I knew that I had to get on with my life and face my fears. So I went back to Starfleet and it was the best thing I could have done. I channeled all that I was into my work and I soared through the ranks at warp speed."

"So the Starfleet database told me," her father said gently. Then he smiled. "I couldn't help look." He took her hands in his again. "But I hope that somewhere amongst all that you made time for Kathryn. Life isn't just about rank and honors. There's a whole lot more besides."

"It was difficult," Kathryn said, "to allow myself to love again. Always at the back of my mind was the fear of loving only to lose again. But there was someone. We were going to marry, but Voyager got pulled to the Delta Quadrant before we had the chance and he married someone else, thinking I was dead."

"I'm sorry."

"No," Kathryn said, looking up at him. "Mark and I we...our relationship was more 'comfortable' than anything else. He didn't like commitment and I didn't really want to commit to anyone so it served us both to have a relationship that was long-term but that gave us both the independence that we needed." She paused. "Even if we hadn't got stranded, I don't know if we would ever have married. I think deep inside we both knew that we were marrying for the wrong reasons. I loved him, I loved him very much, but I never really felt for him what I felt for Justin, or what I came to feel for Chakotay."

"Your First Officer?"

Kathryn nodded and then held up her left hand. "And my husband." She paused. "Starfleet Command didn't exactly approve, but we won them round."

Her father smiled. "Starfleet Command is full of old sticklers who have nothing better to do than give orders all day. Believe me, I was one of them." He reached out and put his hand to her cheek. "I'm glad you found someone to share the journey with, Kathryn. Life's a lonely road when you travel it alone."

Kathryn nodded. Then she took a deep breath, gaining courage for the next words. "But there's some things you should know. He's not exactly my First Officer. He..."

"I know," her father replied. "He was a freedom fighter you were sent to capture. Commander Tuvok told me all about how you got stranded in the Delta Quadrant." He smiled. "I'm so proud of you, Katie. I'm so proud that you destroyed that array to save those people, so proud of the way you've taken care of your crew all these years. Not many captains could have done it."

"I have a good crew," Kathryn answered. "And Chakotay has always been a great strength. I don't think the Maquis would have integrated themselves so well into our crew if it wasn't for him." She paused. "He might be a criminal in the eyes of the Federation but he's a good man. If the Cardassians had killed my family and subjected my people to brutal oppression, I would have fought for them too."

"Speaking of family," her father said hesitantly. "How is your mother and Phoebe? Commander Tuvok said you were in contact with the Federation a few months ago."

Kathryn smiled. "They're both fine, Daddy. Mom still lives in our old home in Bloomington and Phoebe lives close by with her husband and four year old daughter, Katy. They named her after me."

Tears welled in her father's eyes. "Then...I'm a grandfather..."

Kathryn nodded, his joy touching her heart. And, from his words, he clearly didn't know about Silvie and Stevie. "Come with me, Daddy," she said softly. "There's two people I'd like you to meet."

* * *

Ella was sitting on the couch reading a book when Kathryn arrived at her quarters with her father. The young girl stood up when they entered, but Kathryn held out her hand in protest. "As you were, Lieutenant." The girl sat again and Kathryn turned to her father.

"Follow me."

She led her father to the nursery, where Silvie and Stevie were fast asleep in their cot.

"Meet Silvia Rennay and Silvesta Kolopak," Kathryn said proudly, "your grandchildren."

Her father turned to her. "You mean...?"

Kathryn nodded. "Much to Chakotay and I's surprise." She smiled warmly. "But the best surprise I ever had."

The old man gazed at his grandchildren and a tear ran down his cheek. "Oh Kathryn," he whispered. He clumsily wiped away another tear. "I'm sorry... I just..."

Kathryn put her hand on his shoulder. "I know, Daddy," she whispered. "I know..."

* * *

The doors to the mess hall were shut, but even from outside them, Kathryn could hear the chatter inside. A part of her still couldn't believe that this was really happening. It felt surreal, like a dream. Many times over the years she had dreamt that her father and Justin were still alive. In dreams they had often been reunited. But it was real. She had known that the moment she saw her father. It was totally different to when that alien had impersonated him. There had been a coldness about him, an aloofness, that had made her suspect from the beginning that he wasn't her father. But this time she had known it was really him the moment she looked into his eyes. And if he was real, that meant that Justin was real too...

The mess hall doors opened as Kathryn approached and she felt her heart beat faster as her eyes fell on all the people inside. Somewhere in there was Justin...

She walked into the room and looked around. All was an unfamiliar sea of faces. Then her eyes fell on a familiar one. Chakotay. He hurried over to her and put his hand on her shoulder. She was very pale and trembling beneath his touch.

"Did you see your father?"

Kathryn looked up at him and nodded.

"And?"

"It was him..." Her eyes shifted to the people around her. "And now I've got to see Justin. Is he here?"

"He's gone back to the ship," Chakotay answered. "He was needed there."

"Then I'll go to the ship too..."

"You can see him later, Kathryn... We've decided to hold a party on the holodeck tonight...give everyone the chance to meet our new passengers. You can have some time alone with him then..."

"No," Kathryn replied. "I need to see him now." She broke away from Chakotay. "You take charge of everything here. I'm unavailable for the rest of the day."

* * *

The shield around the ship had been deactivated so Kathryn was able to transport directly to the bridge. She looked around as she materialized. It was a large bridge, almost twice the size of Voyager's. Seven was busy working at a console, but otherwise the bridge was vacant.

"Captain," Seven said when she saw her captain materialize. "We were not expecting you."

"Where are the others?"

"In Engineering with Lieutenant Hillman. Lieutenant Tighe is downloading data."

Kathryn shivered at the sound of Justin's name. "Where?"

"He did not say."

Kathryn pulled out her tricorder and surveyed her surroundings, recording lifesigns on the ship. She located B'Elanna and the team from Engineering in another part of the ship, herself and Seven on the bridge, and a single lifesign in a room close by.

Without another word to Seven, she made her bearings and left the bridge.

* * *

The corridor outside was dimly lit but the walls and floor were solid. There were a number of doors at even intervals. But according to her tricorder, Justin was in the first room. She made her way to the door and found that it was open. Holding her breath, she stepped inside.

The light was poor and the room small, but there, in the corner of the room, was the dark form of a man. He was working at a console, his back to her. Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes. Even from that angle she recognized him. Justin had always stood that way over a console, head lowered, shoulders hunched.

"Justin..."

At the sound of Kathryn's voice, Justin froze. Then slowly, slowly, he turned to her. Kathryn gasped as her eyes met his and felt as though she couldn't breathe...

"Kathryn," he whispered.

They gazed at each other a long moment, and then Kathryn slowly bridged the gap between them and put her arms around him. Justin responded and they held each other tight.

* * *

Chakotay closed the buttons on a blue shirt he was wearing for the party and then looked at his watch again. It was almost eight o'clock. The party was about to begin but still there was no sign of Kathryn. He hadn't seen her for hours... since she had told him she was going to the ship. B'Elanna and Seven had returned over an hour ago, but Kathryn and Justin were still there. He tried to tell himself that they were just talking, catching up on old times. They certainly had a lot to talk about. But at the same time he couldn't help be afraid...afraid that he was losing her...that he had lost her already.

The door chime sounded, commanding Chakotay's attention, and he left the bedroom for the living room.

"Come in."

It was Ella. Celes wanted to go to the party, so had asked Ella if she would look after Silvie and Stevie instead and Ella had gladly agreed. She hated parties and loved to spend whatever time she could with the twins.

"Am I too early?" she asked when she saw that Chakotay wasn't quite ready. His shirt was hanging over his trousers and he had no shoes on his feet.

"No," Chakotay replied with a kind smile. "You're right on time." He gestured to the couch. "Make yourself comfortable."

Ella did as she was told and Chakotay went back to the bedroom. He tucked in his shirt, put on his shoes, and then went over to a small mirror on the wall to comb his hair. As he did so, he gazed at his reflection. He looked tired, old, and his black eyes and graying hair were such a contrast to Justin's blue against raven black.

"Computer," he said, "locate Kathryn Janeway."

The computer answered. "Kathryn Janeway is not onboard."

Chakotay closed his eyes and buried his head in his hands. He couldn't wait anymore. He would have to go to the party without her.

* * *

By nine o'clock, the party was in full swing. It was being held in a beautiful Victorian hall simulation, complete with an orchestra, a dancefloor, elegant table and chairs, and a very real buffet organized by Roxa.

Chakotay sat alone in a corner of the room and watched absently as couples waltzed before him to classical music.

"The captain not joining us?"

The voice was Tom's and Chakotay turned towards it.

"I don't know," he replied.

"I suppose she wants to spend time with her father," Tom continued. "Incredible, isn't it? That he was on the ship?"

"Yes," Chakotay said softly.

Tom was about to speak, when B'Elanna appeared. "There you are," she said, taking his arm. "I was beginning to think I'd never find you in this crowd."

"It is packed in here, isn't it? And there's more than twenty three faces I don't recognise here. I'm sure Harry's added holograms to the program even though I told him not too.."

Tom's words faded into the background as Chakotay saw the holodeck doors open and Kathryn come in. She was wearing a beautiful long pale yellow gown that fell off her shoulders and shimmered in the light. A matching shade of high heels graced her feet, and her hair was swept back from her face, a pretty white flower decorating it. She looked stunning and seemed to be glowing with happiness. Chakotay's eyes wondered from Kathryn to the man beside her, and his stomach sank when he saw that is was Justin. He was just as smartly dressed in a white suit and shiny black shoes, and Kathryn didn't seem able to take her eyes off him. They walked over to the buffet table, laughing and talking, and after Kathryn had said something to Roxa, they moved to the dancefloor.

Chakotay watched, his heart aching, as Justin slipped his arm around Kathryn's waist and drew her close for a waltz. They moved slowly, gracefully, around the dancefloor, their bodies blending together in perfect harmony.

It was too much to bear. Without a word, Chakotay got up and left the room.

* * *

Alone in the privacy of his office, Chakotay leant against his desk and wept painfully. He was losing Kathryn. Of that he was certain now.

The door unexpectedly opened and B'Elanna came in. She had followed him from the holodeck in concern.

"What is it?" she asked as the door closed behind her. "Why did you leave like that?"

"I'm losing her," Chakotay said tearfully. "I'm losing her and there's nothing I can do about it."

"Losing who?"

Chakotay turned to her. "Kathryn..."

B'Elanna frowned. "But you seem so happy together..."

"We were, but she's not going to want me anymore..."

"I don't understand..."

"That man she was with just now, the one she was dancing with...he used to be her fiancé..."

"Lieutenant Tighe?"

Chakotay nodded. "A week before their wedding, they went with her father to test fly a shuttle he'd been working on. It crashed, and both Justin and her father were lost, presumed dead." He turned away. "She's not going to want me now that she can have him again."

B'Elanna bridged the gap between them and lay her hand on his arm. "You're her husband, Chakotay. She loves you. And what about Silvie and Stevie? Do you really think she'll break up your family chasing yesterday's love?"

"I don't want her to stay with me because of Silvie and Stevie," Chakotay said, turning back to her. "It wouldn't be fair to us and it wouldn't be fair to them." He broke away from B'Elanna and wandered over to the window. "And they're only babies. They know nothing yet. It would be easy for them to grow up accepting him as their full time father." He paused. "I saw the way she was looking at him. The way he was looking at her. And then how they danced together, his hands all over her... I don't stand a chance, B'Elanna, not a chance..."

"His hands would have to be on her if they were dancing," B'Elanna reasoned. "Just trust her, Chakotay. Look at what she's risked to be with you. She could have lost her rank. Would she really have done that if she didn't truly love you?"

"Not as much as she loved him," he cried.

"You don't know that," B'Elanna said, going over to him. "When you love someone, you don't quantify it. You just love them. This man hasn't been a part of her life for years. Of course finding him like this is going to stir up a lot of emotions for her, but that doesn't mean she loved him more than she loves you or that she wants to be with him now."

Chakotay turned to her helplessly. "What should I do?"

"Just trust her," B'Elanna said gently. "You can do no more."

* * *

Chakotay sat on the couch in his living room and gazed at the picture in his hands of him and Kathryn on their wedding day. It had been the happiest day of his life. It was true what he had told Kathryn on the night of their first wedding anniversary...he had never been as happy as he had been since they married. She completed him, and he understood now what his mother had told him about a man alone being only one half of a whole.

The doors opened and Kathryn came in. Chakotay put the picture down on the couch and stood up.

"Kathryn..."

He wasn't expecting her so soon. She seemed surprised to see him too, confirmed by her words.

"I thought you'd still be at the party."

"I left a while ago," he answered. He then lowered his eyes. "But I didn't think you'd be leaving so early..."

"I didn't really want to go," she replied. " I'd rather just have quality time with Daddy and Justin. But I thought I should go... just for a while." She paused, and then spoke quietly. "I'm sorry."

Chakotay looked up at her. "What for?"

"For the way I behaved. You were right. I was afraid. I didn't want to believe they could be alive because it would hurt too much if they weren't." She lowered her eyes now. "You were also right to insist on taking us back to the ship. If you hadn't then..." her words trailed and she looked up at him, infinite warmth and gratitude in her eyes. "Thank you."

Chakotay smiled softly, holding her gaze. Then he spoke. "I was just about to have some supper. Join me?"

"I can't," she replied. "I've already arranged to meet my father for supper. I just came here to change into something more comfortable."

"I see," Chakotay said quietly.

"I'd ask you to join us but I think he wants it to be just the two of us."

"I understand," Chakotay replied.

A little cry filled the air and both Kathryn and Chakotay turned in the direction of the nursery.

"I'll go," Chakotay said. "You go and get changed."

Kathryn nodded gratefully and then made her way to the bedroom as Chakotay went to the nursery.

Inside the nursery, Chakotay found Silvia crying in her cot. Her little hands were clenched tight and her face was contorted in angry determination. Chakotay picked her up and carried her out of the room so she wouldn't disturb Stevie. He had learnt the hard way that a solo cry usually become a duet.

Guessing that Silvie was hungry, Chakotay went over to the replicator and replicated a warm bottle of milk. He then carried his daughter over to the couch and sat with her, holding the bottle to her mouth after he had tested the temperature. Silvie stopped crying as soon as the teat entered her mouth and she sucked away, looking up at her father.

Chakotay gazed at her in return, a deep sadness inside. He loved Silvie and Stevie so much. And he had so many plans for them...all the things they would do, all the things he would teach them, and all the places they would go, even if it was just on the holodeck. He wanted to be a part of their lives every day, to be the kind of father to them that he had always longed for ... a father who was present, a father who would protect them with his life and never let anyone harm them...

But now it seemed he would lose them along with Kathryn. She would divorce him and marry Justin, just like she had planned on doing all those years ago. It would be alright while they were still on Voyager: he would get to see Silvie and Stevie every day, get to be a part of their lives. But when they got home, which he knew could only be a matter of time, everything would change. Kathryn and Justin would make a home of their own wherever they chose to do so, and he would see Silvie and Stevie less and less.

The bedroom door opened and Kathryn appeared. She was dressed in blue jeans and a white sweater and her hair was tied back in a ponytail.

"I don't know what time I'll be back," she said. "Don't wait up."

"Alright," Chakotay replied quietly.

Kathryn walked over to him and Silvie and kissed her daughter's head. "Be a good girl for your Daddy."

Just as she was about to walk away, Chakotay called out. "Kathryn..."

She turned to him. "Yes?"

He wanted to tell her that he loved her, that he couldn't bear the thought of losing her, but somehow the words got transformed between his brain and his mouth.

"Give your father my regards."

"I will," she replied.

She then headed for the door and manually opened it. Chakotay watched as she left and felt as though his life and his soul went with her.

**END OF PART TWO**


	30. Genesis

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY NINE**

**GENESIS**

The light was dim, the way ahead barely visible, but Justin seemed to know instinctively where he was going. Kathryn followed him down the long corridor, the floor creaking at their weight and the sound echoing all around.

"I hope this floor is safe," Kathryn said, half joking, half serious. "I don't want to fall through another ceiling."

"It's safe," Justin smiled. "We've always made sure all used areas of the ship are well maintained."

He stopped at a single silver door before him, pressed a button, and the door opened. He gestured for Kathryn to enter, which she did, and then followed her inside.

Kathryn looked up and around. The room was small, windowless, but was full of all kinds of curious objects.

"We didn't want to recycle everything we found on the ship," Justin explained. "We didn't know what any of these things did so we thought it best to just store them."

Kathryn picked up a curious looking black ball with white spikes and studied it a moment, trying to think what it could be. But, not being able to come to any conclusions, she put it down again.

"Mind if I look around?"

"Not at all," Justin replied. "Go ahead. It will probably take me a while to find the coil Lieutenant Torres wants anyway. I know I put it in here somewhere, but I can' remember where exactly."

As Kathryn began to look around the room, Justin went over to a set of silver drawers and began to look through them.

Kathryn looked in awe at all the interesting objects around her. They were all kinds of shapes, all kinds of colors. Her eyes fell upon a gray cupboard to her left and she ventured over to it. It looked like a wardrobe and might contain a few Moralyn garments. She was curious about their fashion. The doors were stiff and it took some tugging to release them, but at last they creaked open.

Kathryn gasped at what she saw. Inside appeared to be rows and rows of humanoid fetuses in jars of blue gel. Her eyes wandered from row to row. All the babies were at different stages of development. Some were only tiny embryos where as others were close to new born.

"Justin," she said. "Have you seen these?"

"Yes," Justin replied. "We stole them when we escaped. Some of the women held with us were pregnant when they died. But when they were revived, their babies had gone. When we were making our escape, Lawrence and I saw this cupboard in a lab room. It was open and they were clearly preparing to do something with them. We didn't know what they were going to do ... revive them or clone them or what. So, once we were on the ship, we transported them along with as many people as we could before the clinic's defense shield activated." He paused. "There may have been more, I don't know, but we couldn't leave them there. Conducting experiments on adults is one thing, but to grow children for the singular purpose of experimenting on them is just inhumane."

Kathryn picked up a jar and studied the baby inside. It was a little girl, a perfect little girl of about twenty weeks. She had tiny hands and feet and her little eyes were closed, as though she was sleeping. Kathryn touched the glass tenderly, almost a mark of respect for the tiny human being inside.

"If they are human," Kathryn said, "then there's a good chance the Doctor will be able to determine their parentage with DNA tests. We may not be able to do anything else for them, but we can at least give them an identity."

* * *

"Apple Pie, Commander?"

Chakotay looked up from the cold coffee in his hands and found Roxa standing before him with a large apple pie on a plate, cut up into several slices.

"No, thank you," he said quietly.

Roxa went on her way and Chakotay returned to his coffee.

"Mind if I join you?"

The voice was B'Elanna's.

"Not at all," Chakotay replied. "Have a seat."

B'Elanna sat opposite, a cut of coffee in her hands.

"How are you feeling about everything today?"

"I don't want to talk about it," he answered sadly. "Not here."

"I'm really sure you're worrying about nothing," B'Elanna replied. "What happened between the Captain and Lieutenant Tighe was almost twenty years ago. Both their lives have moved on."

"Kathryn's might have," Chakotay answered. "But his hasn't."

"Of course it has. He was married, has a daughter..."

Chakotay looked up at her at this. "He does?"

B'Elanna nodded. Then she gestured to a little girl with long brown hair who was sitting next to Naomi. "That little girl over there, the one with the long brown hair... she's his daughter... Heidi."

Chakotay turned back to B'Elanna. "You said was married. What happened to his wife?"

"She died of an illness four years ago." She paused. "But he hasn't pined for the captain all these years. And while the captain is no doubt overwhelmed by finding him again, that doesn't mean she wants him instead of you." She paused again. "Have you talked to her about it? Told her how you feel?"

"I've barely seen her long enough to say five words," Chakotay replied. "I was asleep last night when she returned from dining with her father and she had already left our quarters when I woke up this morning."

"Then I think you should talk to her," B'Elanna said. "Tell her how you feel."

"I don't think it would do any good," Chakotay answered. "Possibly make things worse. She's probably going through a whole range of emotions right now. She doesn't need to deal with mine too. And I don't want her to think I don't trust her. I do, completely. It's just the situation ... what he meant to her once."

"And I'm sure she'll understand that. Most of us would feel insecure in your shoes. But I'm sure with all that I am that you're worrying for nothing. Just talk to her, Chakotay. Let her know how you feel."

* * *

"I've never seen anything like these asteroids," Kathryn said, gazing out at the natural wonder from a chair in Justin's room on his ship. He, and several others, were remaining on their ship until living space on Voyager had been created for them. All those who could be accommodated into dorms had been, but families and seniors were going to have to wait until several unused rooms could be converted into quarters. "They're like drops of rainbow."

"They are pretty," Justin answered. "But after years of seeing them every day, I kind of don't notice them any more."

Kathryn turned to look at him and couldn't help gaze.

Justin smiled. "Thinking how much I've changed?"

"No," Kathryn replied. "Quite the contrary. You look just like I remember you." She lowered her eyes. "But I must have changed. I'm not a young woman any more."

"You look just the same to me, Kath," he said quietly.

Kathryn looked up and they gazed into each other's eyes until she broke the connection and got to her feet, turning to the window as she did so.

"Oh Justin," she said quietly. "It wasn't meant to end this way. We had so many plans, so many dreams... How you must have resented me all these years..."

Justin got his feet and joined her at the window. "Resent you? How can you think that?"

"Because if it wasn't for me, you'd never have been in that shuttle. You wouldn't have lost all these years of your life."

Justin turned her gently towards him, tears in his eyes. "I was never alive until I met you, Kathryn. I was dead inside, empty. I treated you terribly and yet you still cared for me. You saw something in me that no one else saw and you made me feel... And you made me not afraid to feel... You taught me that I could love someone, that I could be loved... I'm not sorry. I never could be." He paused. "There's been a lot of pain ... losing you, then Liesl, but there's been a lot of joy too. I have no regrets, Kathryn."

They gazed deep into each other's eyes, losing themselves. Justin brushed his fingers against Kathryn's cheek and then slowly, gently, brought his lips down to hers in a tender kiss. As his lips touched hers, Kathryn felt herself fall through time, to another place, another existence, to a night long ago when he had kissed her for the last time like this beneath a sky full of stars...

As they drew away, their eyes found each other's again. Justin stroked Kathryn's cheek gently and then brought his lips down to kiss her again. But this time Kathryn drew away.

"No," she said. "Chakotay..."

"You don't belong with him, Kathryn," Justin replied gently. "You belong with me."

"Chakotay's my husband..."

"He doesn't have to be. We're meant to be together... we always were. I love you, more than he ever could. And I can tell you still love me too."

"I will always love you, Justin. But I love Chakotay too and my life is with him now..."

"He's not right for you," Justin continued. "With him you'll never be true to yourself. He can't bring out the best in you. How can he? Look at his culture, what he believes in... You need someone on your wave length, someone who understands what drives you..."

"Chakotay understands me better than anyone..."

"But he's a pagan, you're an atheist. You're so different..."

"No, we're not... not in ways that matter..."

Justin put his hands on her shoulders. "Marry me, Kathryn. We have a second chance. We can't lose each other again, not again. Leave Chakotay and marry me..."

The doors suddenly opened and Heidi came in. She lingered in the doorway at the sight of her father with Kathryn and her bright eyes dulled. She wasn't used to unfamiliar people. There was a rag doll in her arms and she was holding it tight.

Justin turned to his daughter. "What are you doing here Miss Tighe," he said affectionately.

The little girl looked at Kathryn rather warily and then addressed her father. "I wanted to show you what Seven of Nine gave me."

Justin smiled. "Did she give you that dolly?"

Heidi nodded and took the doll over to her father. "She has a beautiful dress, doesn't she Papa?"

"Very beautiful," Justin said, looking at the silver gown. "I hope you said thank you to Seven of Nine."

"I did," Heidi smiled.

Kathryn interrupted. "I'd better get back to Voyager..."

Justin turned his attention away from his daughter to his former fiancé. "Just remember what I said, Kathryn. You know in your heart I'm right."

Kathryn made no reply. She just hit her commbadge. "Janeway to Voyager. Beam me up."

Seconds later, she dematerialized.

* * *

Alone in her ready room, Kathryn gazed at a picture on her monitor of her and Chakotay on their wedding day. They both looked so happy, and the memories brought tears to her eyes.

The door chime sounded and Kathryn cleared the picture as she gave out the entry command.

"Come in."

Chakotay came in. He hesitated before speaking and was visibly uncomfortable.

"The crew are wondering what's happening ... how long we are going to stay stationary."

Kathryn got to her feet. "As long as it takes for us to check out everything on the ship and make an inventory. Before we leave we're going to have to destroy that ship so it doesn't fall into the wrong hands. We don't want to destroy anything that might be of use to us or the Federation."

"I'll make an announcement to the crew."

There was an awkward silence until Chakotay broke it.

"Do you have any lunch plans?"

"Actually yes," Kathryn answered. "I'm dining with Seven and a few of our new passengers."

"I see," Chakotay replied. "I guess I'll see you this evening then."

Kathryn nodded. "I was thinking of inviting my father to dine with us so you could get to know him better."

Chakotay's dull eyes lit up a little at this. "That would be great."

Kathryn drew away from her desk and slowly walked over to him.

"Chakotay ... There's something I have to tell you."

Chakotay swallowed, not liking her tone. "Go on."

Kathryn fidgeted with her commbadge and was clearly struggling to say what she wanted too. "Justin and I we ... We kissed."

Pain knifed Chakotay's heart and he lowered his eyes.

"It was just a moment," Kathryn tried to explain. "Hardly anything at all and I didn't mean for it to happen..."

Chakotay looked up at her and saw tears in her eyes and so much pain.

"I love you," she continued. "And I'm so sorry..."

Tears welled in Chakotay's eyes too. "I'll be on the bridge if you need me."

With that he turned around to leave. Kathryn caught his arm.

"No, Chakotay. Wait..."

Chakotay turned to her again. "This isn't the time or the place, Kathryn. We've got a ship to run."

With that, he left the room. Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes and she turned from the door to the window. There had been so much hurt in Chakotay's eyes ... so much anguish.

"Doctor to Captain Janeway. Please report to sickbay."

It was a moment before Kathryn could respond.

"On my way, Doctor."

* * *

When Kathryn arrived at sickbay, she found the Doctor cradling a tiny black baby in his arms.

"Say hello to our youngest passenger," the Doctor smiled.

Kathryn gazed at the beautiful baby, carefully wrapped in a blue blanket. "He's adorable," Kathryn smiled. "I presume he's a he?"

"Yes, Captain," the Doctor replied. "A perfectly healthy human male."

Kathryn looked at the baby a moment longer and then up at the Doctor. "What did you want to see me about?"

"Why, this little fellow of course," the Doctor said, rather surprised at the question.

"What about him?"

"You really are slow today, Captain. Only three hours ago he was in one of those jars..."

Kathryn's eyes widened in astonishment. "You mean he's one of..."

"Yes, Captain. As soon as I took him out of his jar, his heart began to beat."

"But that's impossible, Doctor..."

"Evidently not..."

"But how?"

"All I can conclude, Captain, is that he never died, that he was, in a manner of speaking, frozen alive and preserved in that gel. Regardless of external temperature, it maintained his body at sub zero temperatures. When I took him out of the jar into our warm Voyager climate, his body temperature increased and his heart began to beat. Once I was aware what was happening, I put him in an incubator and regulated the temperature to ensure he didn't warm up too fast."

"Have you been able to identify his parents?"

"Yes. A Martina Radcliffe and Joseph Potter."

"Are either of them now on Voyager?"

"No," the Doctor continued. "And, according to our Federation database, Martina Radcliffe is very much alive and lives in Canada."

Kathryn frowned. "But if she was not taken by the Moralyn, how would they have her baby?"

"I did some further research, and discovered that Martina Radcliffe was in a boating accident twenty one years ago. She and four female friends were taking a boat ride on the Atlantic Ocean when their ship capsized. Martina and a lady named Lucy Dutton, were the only survivors. The bodies of the others were never recovered. I think the Moralyn took them like they did your father, but that they also took Martina Radcliffe and Lucy Dutton, subjected them to biometric examination, and then returned them to where they had found them."

"How would that explain the baby?"

"I think that during the examination they extracted several eggs from Martina's ovaries and later fertilized them with sperm they had extracted from other abductees. According to our database, Joseph Potter went missing on Mount Everest in 2356, never to be seen again."

"It would make sense, Doctor," Kathryn answered. "But why would they need to take eggs from someone like Martina Radcliffe? Why not just take them from women they had revived?"

"I don't know, Captain. Perhaps they were looking for a specific gene and Martina Radcliffe had it."

Kathryn turned to look at the cupboard of fetuses.

"How long do you reckon they can be kept in those jars without damage?"

"Indefinitely."

"Then I don't want you to disturb any more."

"But we can't just leave them in the jars, Captain. They're human beings!"

"I'm well aware of that," Kathryn answered. "But we just don't have the facilities to care for so many babies on Voyager. Firstly we would need to provide artificial wombs for those below certain development and others would need special neonate care. It's best if we leave them as they are until we reach the Federation. Then they can be given all the care and love they need either by their relatives or adoptive families."

She turned back to the baby and stroked his hair. "This little fellow we'll try to find a home for on Voyager. I'm sure there'll be a couple willing to give him one."

* * *

On the holodeck, Chakotay pounded a boxing bag with his fists, exerting a mighty force. From the doorway, Kathryn watched. She couldn't help shiver at what she saw. She had never seen Chakotay this way before, never seen so much anger or aggression ... or so much strength.

After a while, he drew away from the bag, bent over, and tried to catch his breath. In the corner of his eye he saw a figure watching, and looked up to find Kathryn standing there.

Slowly, she bridged the gap between them. "We need to talk, Chakotay."

Chakotay gestured to a bench and Kathryn made her way over to it. He then picked up a towel, dried his sweating face and neck, and then sat beside her.

"I know I've hurt you," she said quietly, "and I'm not going to make any excuses. But I want you to know that I love you and I'm deeply sorry."

"I know you love me," Chakotay said quietly. "But the question is, do you love him more?"

Kathryn looked up at him. "No, of course not. Don't think that for a moment..."

Chakotay met her tortured eyes. "Then why did you kiss him?"

"I don't know ... it just happened..."

Chakotay broke away from her and got to his feet, anger rising. "Things don't just happen..."

Kathryn got to her feet too. "I'm sorry, Chakotay. I wasn't even..."

"You want him, don't you? That's the truth..."

"No..."

"So you're saying you feel nothing for him, is that it?"

"No, I... I feel ... how could I not? But my life is with you now and I wouldn't have it any other way..."

"Yes you would!" Chakotay cried. "If you had known last Christmas that we'd find Justin, you'd never have had a relationship with me..."

"If I had known all that I do now, I would have had a relationship with you a long time ago ... You're the one I love, Chakotay. You're the one I want. Just you. I don't know what happened with Justin. It just happened..." Tears flooded her eyes. "And I'm so sorry, Chakotay. I love you so much..."

Chakotay took a deep breath, trying to calm himself, and tossed the towel to the bench. He then wearily leant against a bar running the length of the wall.

"I know you, Kathryn," he said quietly. "You will sacrifice what you want to do what is right by others. I need the truth. Do you want to be with Justin?"

"No," Kathryn said, going over to him. "I want to be with you. I love you. You, Silvie and Stevie ... you're my family..."

"I don't want you to stay with me for Silvie and Stevie," Chakotay replied. "You wouldn't be happy, not really. I want you to stay with me because you want to be with me."

Kathryn put her hand on his shoulder. "I do, Chakotay. I love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. And I'm so sorry I kissed him ... You're the one I want. Only you."

Chakotay turned to her slowly, his tone softening. "Did you really kiss him, Kathryn, or did he kiss you?" He could just imagine Justin trying to manipulate her that way, and Kathryn always heaped the blame for everything on herself.

Kathryn lowered her eyes. "I suppose he kissed me ... but I let him..." She looked up at him. "But I'm so sorry, Chakotay. I'm so sorry..."

There was so much pain in her eyes, so much regret. Chakotay reached out and put his hand to her cheek. "It's alright, Kathryn. It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does," she answered. "I betrayed you..."

Chakotay put his hands on her shoulders now. "No you haven't, Kathryn. You loved him. He was going to be your husband. It's not an ordinary situation. It would be unnatural if you didn't feel something for him." He paused. "But you're being honest and sincere with me and that's faithfulness." Tears welled in his eyes. "I've been so scared that I would lose you."

A tear ran down Kathryn's cheek. "Never, Chakotay." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "I don't want anyone but you. No one but you."

Chakotay kissed her hair and they held each other close.

* * *

So far, all was going well with the meal. There had been no cooking disasters, and Kathryn happily observed that her father and Chakotay were getting along well. They had a mutual interest in history and the outdoors, and already her father was musing about them all taking a camping trip when they got home.

"It would be good for the twins, Kathryn," he said, taking a sip of water. "I'm sure you could put up with it for only a couple of weeks."

Kathryn smiled. "Was my disdain that obvious?"

"Crystal clear." He turned to Chakotay. "She would spend the whole two weeks moaning about the bugs and the sun because of her freckles, and would sit inside her tent almost the whole time studying."

"Sounds like Kathryn," Chakotay said warmly. "When we were on New Earth, she did nothing but work."

"I was trying to find us a cure," Kathryn said in defense of herself. She explained to her father. "Chakotay and I were bitten by insects during an away mission to an m-class planet and caught a virus. The Doctor couldn't find a cure so we had to leave Voyager and set up home on the planet. Something in the planet's atmosphere stopped us from being sick. I was trying to find out what it was."

"Did you succeed?"

"No. I might have, but all my research equipment was damaged during a plasma storm. I had to abandon the quest."

"How did you come to leave the planet then?"

"The crew managed to get a cure from the Vidians and came back for us."

Edward turned to Chakotay. "Did you go on camping trips as a boy?"

"I guess you could call them kind of camping trips," Chakotay replied. "My father would take me every now and then into the woods for a few days so I could learn how to connect with nature. He would teach me various skills he thought I would need in life... hunting, making things from wood, identifying various plant forms. We learnt some of those things at school, but not everything."

"I thought your people were vegetarians," Kathryn commented. "Why would you need to learn hunting?"

"My people are carnivores. Becoming a vegetarian was something I choose to do."

Edward questioned. "What made you decide?"

"Funnily enough a hunting trip I went on with my father. We did things the old way on Trebus, hunted with a gun. My father gave me a gun, showed me how to use it, and told me to go and get a rabbit for supper. So, I did what I was told and went to find one. I thought it would be easy, but my aim was terrible and I kept missing every rabbit I saw. With every miss I was determined the next would be a hit and eventually was successful." He paused. "But when I went to collect the rabbit, I found that she was still alive. She was lying on the ground, bleeding from the bullet hole and panting from the pain. She looked up at me with sheer terror and the bulge under her belly told me she was pregnant. I was absolutely horrified at what I had done and I just wanted to make it right somehow. So, I gently picked the rabbit up, wrapped her in my shirt, and took her to my father, saying we had to make her better. He was just as horrified but for different reasons. He said I was weak, that if I didn't toughen up I would only ever be half a man. I knew he would rant like that until he had bullied me into killing the rabbit, so I just left him and took the rabbit home to my mother. I thought she would make her better. But she didn't. She just killed her anyway and made us all rabbit stew for dinner." He paused again. "I was angry and told my parents they were barbaric to kill innocent animals for food when they didn't need to eat them, and that I would never eat meat again. At first, I admit, it was more to spite them than from personal conviction, but that soon became the case."

"It doesn't sound as though your relationship with your parents was all that good," Edward commented.

"I was close to my mother," Chakotay answered, "but my relationship with my father was always difficult."

"Why was that?"

"Because I resented him for not being there when I was growing up. He would always be off on some quest or other and sometimes I wouldn't see him for months. When he was away, my uncle thought it was his place to take charge of us, and he was a difficult, violent, man."

Kathryn swallowed. "Violent?"

"He liked his own way, set us harsh rules to follow..." He tried to change the subject. "This lasagne is good. I think I'll have some more."

"I think I will too," Edward smiled. "It's been a long time since I tasted good home coming. I never knew you were such a good cook, Kathryn."

Chakotay couldn't help tease. "We've trained the replicator well."

He smiled warmly at Kathryn and then helped himself to more lasagne. Kathryn watched him sadly. Knowing him aswell as she did, she knew he had deliberately changed the subject, and it made her uneasy, concerned, and wanting to probe further. When they were alone later, she would.

* * *

While she waited for Chakotay to finish taking a shower, Kathryn sat in bed, Petal at her feet, reading an essay Icheb had written on the history and influence of alien mythology. Everytime she thought she was getting to the end, she discovered there was at least another page.

At last Chakotay appeared, wrapped in his robe.

"Not working," Kathryn said, before he had the chance to say anything, "just reading an essay Icheb has written."

Chakotay smiled. "If the essays he's written me in the past are anything to go by, I'd class it as work."

He took off his robe and Kathryn watched as he put on his pyjamas. At one time he had only worn boxer shorts to bed, but since Silvie and Stevie had arrived, he had taken to wearing pyjamas incase he had to get up in the night.

Kathryn put down the padd in her hands and then gently nudged the sleeping dog at her feet with her foot.

"Time for bed, Petal, old-girl," she said. "Beddie time."

The dog obediently jumped from the bed and made her way to her own bed in the corner of the room. Once there, she curled up into a ball and went back to sleep.

Chakotay climbed into bed and piled up his pillows behind him. "Don't stop reading on my account. I've got a book I can read for a while..."

"I think I've read enough for tonight," Kathryn replied.

Chakotay settled against the pillows and Kathryn gazed at him sadly.

"Chakotay, what you said at dinner ... about your uncle..."

The words caused Chakotay to tense. "What about him?"

"You said he was violent.." She paused. "Was he... Was he violent with you?"

Chakotay's kind eyes dulled and he averted them. "Yes," he said quietly.

Kathryn lay a gentle hand on his arm. "What would he do to you?"

"He would beat me," Chakotay replied. "He used to beat my brothers as well, but not as much as he did me. I defied him more, would fight back."

Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes. "How... How did he beat you?"

"Belt, hands, feet, whip... whatever was present at the time." He paused, the memory hurting. "When I was ten years old he beat me so hard that he broke three of my ribs."

"Oh Chakotay," Kathryn whispered. "My darling..." She drew him close and held him tight, crushing him against her. It was all so clear now ... why he had resented his father so much, why he had wanted to leave the tribe.

"Why haven't you ever told me?"

"It's not something I like to talk about," he replied.

"But you should have, Chakotay," she said drawing away. "You shouldn't have kept something like this to yourself."

"It was a long time ago," Chakotay said quietly.

Kathryn put her hand to his cheek. "That doesn't make it any less relevant." Her hand moved to his hair and she brushed it away from his temple. "How old were you when he first hit you?"

"About five or six. The beating got worse as I got older."

"Did you tell your father? Your mother?"

"No," Chakotay replied. "There didn't seem any point. My father had left him in charge so it seemed he had his consent to treat us that way. And he was good at making you feel bad about yourself, that you'd deserved the beating. So I'd try to hide my wounds from my mother so she wouldn't be angry with me too."

"But didn't she suspect ... notice something was wrong?"

"I don't know. Sometimes I think she must have, but maybe she was too afraid of him to confront him." He paused. "My father wasn't a violent man, quite the contrary, and would have been angry had he known, but back then I didn't realize that. I just blamed him for leaving us in our uncle's care, for not protecting us."

Kathryn took his hands in hers. "I'm so sorry, Chakotay. So sorry."

"That's why I took up boxing," he continued. "It wasn't called that in the tribe, but that's essentially what it was. I wanted to learn how to defend myself. Needed too. I practised a lot and I got good. When I was sure I was good enough, I fought my uncle back and, well, let's just say he came off worse that time." He paused. "I told him he could expect more of the same if he laid a finger on me or my brothers again. And he never did."

Kathryn squeezed his hand. "Is he the real reason you left the tribe?"

"I suppose he was a part of the reason," Chakotay explained. "But the main reason was I wanted to explore space. But if it wasn't for him, I doubt I would have had the impetus to leave. I was so angry at my father for leaving us with him that it overweighed any loyalty I felt to him or any duty as the first born son." He paused. "My uncle died not long after my fifteenth birthday and that's what really gave me the freedom to leave. I would never have left Rennay and the others with him. I think that's why she... Rennay... bonded with me so much. Our father was never home, my brothers didn't have any time for her, and our uncle frightened her. She once said to me that I was the only person in the world she felt truly safe with. I suppose because I was the only one who stood up to our uncle." He paused. "I resented the tribe, resented almost everything that had been a part of that existence. I wanted to make a new life, a better life. I promised Rennay that she would be a part of that new life too, that one day she could come and live with me in San Francisco." He paused. "But she never did come. She liked it too much in the tribe to leave. Maybe I would have too if my uncle hadn't treated me the way he did, but I just had to get away ... make a new life for myself."

"And I'm glad that you did," Kathryn said softly. "So glad."

Chakotay smiled wanly and Kathryn drew him close.

"And I promise that you will never know that pain again because I am going to love you with all that I am for the rest of my life."

Chakotay buried his face in Kathryn's soft hair.

"And I you, Kathryn," he whispered. "And I you."

* * *

Silvia gazed up at her mother as Kathryn changed her diaper the following morning.

"There," Kathryn said, when the diaper was in place. "Who's a clean girl now?"

She smiled at her daughter and ticked under her chin. Silvie's mouth turned up and gave a little smile in return. Kathryn's heart skipped a beat at this very first smile and she kissed Silvie's cheek before raising her into her arms.

Celes emerged from the bathroom.

"She smiled," Kathryn said happily. "Right this moment..."

Celes went over to Silvie and took her little hand in hers. "Aren't you a clever little girl then?"

Silvie smiled again and both Kathryn and Celes laughed softly.

The door chime sounded and Kathryn called out. "Come in!"

The doors opened and Justin came in.

Celes took Silvie from her mother. "I'll take her to the nursery."

When she was gone, Justin bridged the gap between him and Kathryn.

"I want to say I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I had no right to ask of you what I did. I was just ... being so close to you ... remembering ... But you're a married woman with children and I should never have asked you to leave your husband for me. I don't know what I was thinking."

"I think we both got a little swept away by the feelings we once had and the memories," Kathryn replied. "But you're right. We both have different lives now. You're a father to little Heidi and I'm a wife and mother." Tears welled in her eyes. "A part of me will always love you, Justin, very much. But what we had belongs to yesterday, a yesterday I will always cherish." She paused. "I remember the last time you kissed me. It was the night before the accident. We took a walk in the grounds near my home and you took me in your arms and kissed me beneath the stars. And that's how I'm always going to remember our last kiss. I'd like you to do the same."

Justin nodded. He then held his hand out to her. "Friends?"

Kathryn smiled and took his hand in hers. "Friends."

* * *

Three times Kathryn's journey to sick-bay was interrupted by someone stopping her on the way, but at last she arrived there. She found the Doctor working in his office.

"You wanted to see me again, Doctor," Kathryn said, making her way over to his desk.

"Yes, Captain," he replied. "Take a seat."

Kathryn sat down.

"Through micro-cellular extraction by transportation," the Doctor began, "I have managed to identify the parents of every one of the babies in storage." He paused. "Two of them are yours, Captain."

Kathryn's face paled and she was a moment in answering. "Mine?"

"There's no doubt. Both are female, at the same fetal stage of development, but have different fathers."

There was no need to ask how it could have happened. The answer was clear. She had been taken by the Moralyn like Martina Radcliffe had been, had several of her eggs extracted during biometric examination, and then returned to the planet."

"Who are their fathers?" She asked quietly.

"A John Wilkinson from Australia and a Warner Andersen from Norway. Both were lost in maritime accidents twenty years ago."

Kathryn got up from her chair and went over to the window of the Doctor's office. Through it she could see the open cupboard of fetuses.

"Show me which ones they are, Doctor."

"Very well," he replied. "Come with me."

Kathryn followed him out of the room and over to the cupboard. The Doctor had labeled all the jars with the parental identity of all the babies. He removed a very small jar that wasn't much taller than a mug, and handed it to Kathryn. Inside was a tiny, tiny, baby, not much bigger than her thumb. And yet it seemed perfectly formed.

"And this is the other," the Doctor said, holding an identical jar in his hands.

Kathryn looked at the tiny occupant of the jar and then back at the one in her hands.

"Are they in stasis too, Doctor?"

"I don't know," the Doctor answered. "The only way to know for sure would be to bring them out of the jar. But if they were frozen alive, then bringing them out of the jar will kill them. They will only survive and thrive in an artificial womb as they have no amniotic sac or placenta of their own." He paused. "I conducted several other tests and from them was able to produce a rough projection of their appearance. Would you like to see?"

"Yes," Kathryn replied.

The Doctor activated the projection and the images of two little girls materialized before her. The first one had long blonde hair and blue eyes and the second had long ginger hair with a face full of freckles.

"Oh Doctor," Kathryn whispered, her heart already filling with love for the two children.

She stepped closer to the little red haired girl and touched her transparent face. She looked so much like the child that had once looked back at her in the mirror.

Transferring a fetus to an artificial womb always carries some risk, the Doctor said, but if you wish I can attempt to do them both this afternoon. I have no appointments or engagements.

"No," Kathryn said quietly. There was no way that she and Chakotay could look after another two babies and run Voyager. Looking after Silvie and Stevie was difficult enough. "Let them sleep for a little while longer. Just a little while."

* * *

The bridge was quiet when Kathryn arrived there, only Chakotay, Tuvok and Harry were present. Tuvok was busy working his console but Chakotay and Harry seemed to be doing more talking than working. Kathryn couldn't help smile at the sight of the young ensign casually sitting in her seat, leaning over slightly to talk to Chakotay. She walked over to him, her eyes sparkling. 

"You might be the captain someday, Ensign, but not today."

At the sound of the Captain's voice, Harry got to his feet. "Captain ... I was just ... I was..."

"It's alright," Kathryn smiled. "Be my guest." She turned to Chakotay. "Chakotay, my ready room."

With that she turned towards the ready room and Chakotay followed.

* * *

Inside the ready room, Kathryn went over to the replicator and replicated a cup of coffee.

"Decaffeinated," she smiled at her husband, "fortified with vitamins. Want one?"

"I wouldn't mind," Chakotay smiled in return.

Kathryn replicated him one and then took it over to him.

She then made her way to her couch, talking as she did so.

"You know," she began hesitantly, "how you said you would have loved and accepted Oliver as your own?"

"Yes," Chakotay answered, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Did you mean it?"

Chakotay went to sit beside her.

"I wouldn't have said it otherwise," he answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Because it seems that while I was unconscious on the planet following the crash, I was taken by the Moralyn and subjected to biometric examination. They took several of my eggs and later fertilized them." She paused. "The reason I know this is because two female fetuses in the jars I told you about are mine..." She looked up at him. "I may have had no part in their conception, Chakotay, but I want to raise them ... would like us to raise them..."

"It would be an honor," Chakotay said sincerely, "but I think we should wait a while. Silvie and Stevie are still so small."

"So do I," Kathryn answered. "Five or six years perhaps." She then smiled. "The Doctor showed me a rough projection of how they might look and they were so pretty, Chakotay... One had blonde hair and blue eyes and the other had ginger like me ... the same freckles too..."

Chakotay smiled softly. "I look forward to getting to know them in the future."

They gazed into each other's eyes until a black shadow in the corner of the room demanded Kathryn's attention.

"Damn," she said when she saw it was a large black spider. "I swear those spiders are intelligent and are seeking me out."

Chakotay laughed. "Want me to get it?"

Kathryn nodded. "If you would..."

Chakotay smiled and then got up to replicate a catcher.

**END OF CHAPTER TWENTY NINE**


	31. Restoration: Part One

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER THIRTY**

**RESTORATION**  
**Part One**

The meal over, Kathryn, Chakotay, B'Elanna and Tom relaxed around the dining table talking. The rainbow asteroids outside cast a multitude of colors around the Paris's dimly lit quarters, merging with the flicker of soft candle light.

"A what?" Kathryn asked in amusement, not sure she had heard Tom correctly.

"An honesty hat," Tom said again. "You put it on your head and it compels you to tell the truth."

"Right, Tom," Kathryn said in disbelief.

"Seriously," B'Elanna continued. "Didn't you ever play it at the Academy?"

"I can't say I did."

"No doubt you were too busy studying," Chakotay teased. "I remember playing it a couple of times, although I never got to wear the hat."

"Then you can be first," Tom smiled.

"I don't know about this," Kathryn said. "It really makes you tell the truth?"

"Yes," B'Elanna replied. "I don't know how it works exactly but it influences the brain somehow."

"It will be fun, Captain," Tom urged. "Unless you have dark secrets you're keeping from us."

Kathryn laughed softly. "Damned if you do and damned if you don't. Alright, Tom. Have it your way."

Tom beamed a smile and got up to replicate the game, which included a hat and a pack of question cards.

"You call that a hat?" Kathryn remarked when he returned from the replicator with a large silver metal framed hat. "Looks more like a helmet to me!"

"As Seven would say, design is irrelevant to function," Tom smiled, handing the hat to Chakotay.

Chakotay studied it a moment and then put it on his head.

"Very handsome," B'Elanna smiled.

"All you need now is a shield," Kathryn continued. "You could be a Viking."

"Well, I always told you I was an angry warrior," Chakotay said, a visible tenderness in his eyes.

"Alright," Tom said, "here's question one."

Before he could continue, Kathryn interrupted. "Why do the cards have a different color star on the back?"

"They indicate how personal the questions are," Tom explained. "Green means not very personal, yellow means moderately personal, and red means very personal."

"I see," Kathryn replied. "Make sure you keep to the green."

"Now, Captain," Tom answered. "Where would be the fun in that?"

"Green," Kathryn smiled. "That's an order."

Tom picked up a card with a green star on it and read out the question to Chakotay. "What is your favorite musical instrument?" He then sighed. "Oh man, that's so boring. Let's go to yellow at least."

"The way we would play it," B'Elanna said, "was to mix the cards all up and fan a handful so that the stars were hidden from view. It's more fun that way. You never know what kind of question you're going to get."

"Come on, Captain," Tom continued. "What's the point in playing if we're just going to ask him what his favorite instrument is?"

"Alright," Kathryn yielded. "You win. Mix them up."

Tom grinned and shuffled the cards. He then held them up to Kathryn in a fan. "You pick, Captain."

Kathryn picked out a card and B'Elanna tried to stifle a giggle when she saw that it had a red star on it. Kathryn blushed slightly as she read the question to herself and put the card down. "We'll pass on that one."

"Not so fast," Tom said, picking the card up before Kathryn could protest. "Let me see..." He read the question and then smiled. "Okay, we'll pass on that one..."

B'Elanna tried to reach for the card, wanting to know what the question was, but before she did, Tom had mixed it into the pile.

"Spoil sport," she laughed.

"Okay," Tom said, randomly picking out a card from the pile in his hands. "How about this one?" He looked up at Chakotay. "When was your first kiss and with who?"

"A girl in our tribe called Karlina when I was fifteen," Chakotay answered.

"There," Tom answered, casting a glance at Kathryn, "that wasn't too painful was it?"

He put the used card down and then held out the rest to B'Elanna. "Your turn to pick."

B'Elanna picked out a card and read the question. "What is your biggest regret?"

"That I wasn't there to help my family when the Cardassians attacked," Chakotay said, a small trace of sadness in his voice.

Tom held out the cards to Kathryn. "Captain..."

Kathryn picked out a card and read the question. "If you could suddenly have omnipotent powers, what is the first thing you would do with them?"

"Give life back to all those who died too soon."

Again Tom picked out a card from the pile. "Now, this is more interesting," he smiled. "If you are married, what do you least like about your spouse?"

Chakotay considered a moment, then answered. "Her stubbornness."

Kathryn frowned and turned to Tom. "How many divorces has this game been responsible for?"

Tom smiled. "Maybe one in ten."

Kathryn reached out and took the hat from Chakotay's head. "I suggest we play another game."

"But the fun is just beginning..." Tom protested.

"In this instance, I don't share your definition of fun, Mr Paris," Kathryn replied. "How about we have a game of poker, replicator rations to play for?"

"Sounds good to me," B'Elanna said.

Tom turned to Chakotay. "But don't you want to hear the Captain's answers? It's only fair since you've given yours."

Chakotay played it safe. "I say we play poker."

Tom turned back to Kathryn determined to have his way like a child. "Come on, Captain. Just the same questions..."

Kathryn looked up into his boyish face and couldn't bring herself to disappoint the childish anticipation she saw on it. "Oh, alright," she said. "But only the same questions."

Tom beamed a triumphant smile. "I knew you would be game..."

Kathryn picked up the hat and put it on her head. "Ask away..."

Tom picked up the used cards and read out the first question. "When was your first kiss and with who?"

"Cheb Parker," Kathryn answered, "when I was 16."

Tom handed the next card to Chakotay, who asked the next question. "What is your biggest regret?"

"Losing my father for so many years."

B'Elanna took the third card from Tom and read out the question. "If you could suddenly have omnipotent powers, what is the first thing you would do with them?"

"Get Voyager home."

"And now for the most interesting one," Tom smiled. "What do you least like about your spouse?"

Kathryn was just about to answer when Voyager shook suddenly and she was thrown forward by the turbulence. As soon as she was upright, she hit her commbadge. "Janeway to the bridge. Report..."

As the ship went to red alert, Harry's voice answered. "We were hit by some kind of temporal pulse, Captain...I'm trying to find a source..."

"I'll be right there, Harry. " She got to her feet. "Chakotay, Tom, you'd better come too."

* * *

As soon as Kathryn, Chakotay, and Tom entered the bridge, still dressed in evening wear, the ship shook again.

"Have you found a source, Mr Kim?" Kathryn asked, going over to his station.

"No, Captain," he answered.

"Status of shields?"

"At maximum, but the last pulse penetrated them as though they weren't there."

Chakotay questioned. "Are there any ships in the vicinity?"

"Only The Homebird."

The Homebird was the name of the alien ship belonging to the latest additions to the Voyager family, one chosen by them at the commence of their journey.

"Is that the source?" Kathryn asked. "We can't rule out any possibilities."

"No," Harry replied, "I'm trying to find the source, but whatever it is, it just came out of no where... there was nothing on sensors...no warning..."

"Perhaps this region of space is not uninhabited," Tom surmised. "Perhaps we're being warned off."

Chakotay responded. "With a temporal weapon? Unlikely."

"I agree," Kathryn replied. "My guess is it's some kind of temporal anomaly..." She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to Justin Tighe..."

Justin's voice responded. "Go ahead..."

"We're being pounded by temporal pulses but we can't determine the source. Do you know of any temporal anomalies in this region of space?"

"None whatsoever. We've never encountered any kind of anomaly, temporal or otherwise..."

"Is your ship currently being pounded?"

"Negative."

"Understood. Janeway out."

Seven, who was also on the bridge, spoke. "Casualty reports are coming in. Fifteen injured so far."

Another jolt shook the ship and Kathryn had to grab the bar before her to stop herself falling. If she was not mistaken, the intensity of the pulses was increasing.

Kathryn turned to Tom. "You'd better get to sickbay, Mr Paris. The Doctor may require assistance."

"Yes, Captain."

Just as she spoke, the Doctor's voice sounded over the comm. "Doctor to Captain Janeway."

Kathryn responded. "Go ahead..."

"Silvia has sustained some minor injuries. I need your consent, or Commander Chakotay's, to perform surgery."

Kathryn's stomach sank at his words. "What kind of injuries, Doctor? If they are minor why does she need surgery?"

"Her arm is broken. I need to set it."

"I see," Kathryn said quietly. "Do whatever you have to do, Doctor. Chakotay or I will be there as soon as we can. Keep me informed."

The connection terminated and Kathryn turned to Harry. Her anxiety for Silvia manifested itself in short temper.

"There has got to be a source for these temporal pulses or whatever the hell they are. I want it found..."

"There is no..."

Kathryn turned away from him to question Seven. "Seven?"

"The source is undetectable, Captain."

"Perhaps we should move the ship..." Harry suggested.

Kathryn almost snapped at him. "And move it where exactly, Mr Kim? If we don't know where the pulses are coming from, how the hell are we going to move away from them? We might fly right into the heart of this anomaly..."

"The pulses are hitting our starboard side," Harry continued. "If we moved to the other side of the Homebird, we might move ourselves out of harms way..."

Another pulse shook the ship, more severely than the last.

"Why didn't you tell me they were hitting our starboard side sooner?" Kathryn cried in annoyance. She turned to Chakotay. "Chakotay...Take the helm. Move us west of the Homebird."

Chakotay did what he was told and took Tom's seat at the helm. Voyager's engines started up and within seconds he had moved them to another position.

"According to my calculations," Seven said, "there was approximately 5.7 minutes in-between each energy pulse. It has been 4.5 minutes since the last pulse. If there is no pulse within the next few minutes, then I would say we have moved clear of the anomaly."

Kathryn moved to her chair and spoke as she sat down. "Then we'll just have to wait."

The Doctor's voice sounded again. "Doctor to Captain Janeway."

Kathryn responded. "Go ahead."

"The operation on Silvia was a success. But her head injury means I will need to keep her in sickbay for a day or two for observation."

Kathryn's anxiety for her daughter increased. "You never said anything about a head injury, Doctor..."

"It isn't serious," the Doctor replied. "But because of her tender age it's best that I keep an eye on her."

"Acknowledged." Kathryn replied. "Janeway out." She looked in Chakotay's direction and found that he was looking back at her, infinite concern in his eyes. She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to Lieutenant Farrow. Report to the bridge at once." As the connection terminated, Kathryn addressed her husband, her tone softer. "As soon as he gets here, Chakotay, you go to sickbay." There was no way she could leave the bridge until she knew they were clear of the anomaly, even though every part of her wanted to be with her injured daughter.

* * *

An hour later, there was still no sign of another pulse. Feeling confident that they had moved safely away from the anomaly, Kathryn got up from her seat on the bridge.

"Looks like we have safely cleared the anomaly," she said to Harry, "so I'll call it a night. Inform me immediately if you detect anything unusual in this space."

"Yes, Captain," he answered.

* * *

Silvia was fast asleep in an incubator in sickbay when Kathryn arrived there. A couple of injured crew members were sleeping on biobeds and the Doctor was attending to one. Kathryn quietly made her way over to the incubator and gazed at her precious baby inside. Tears welled in her eyes at the sight of a little bandage on her daughter's tiny arm. A starship was no place for children. Silvie and Stevie deserved better.

From the corner of her eye, Kathryn saw the Doctor approach and questioned him. "What happened to her?"

"Celes was picking her out of the cot when the first pulse hit the ship. She fell forward and Silvia knocked her arm and head against the side of the cot."

"I see," Kathryn said quietly.

"But she's a tough little lady," the Doctor said kindly. "She's going to be just fine."

Kathryn wiped a stubborn tear away from her cheek. "No, she isn't tough, Doctor, she's just a baby. She's small and helpless and needs us to take care of her. What kind of life for her is this? It's no life...she's not even six months old yet and already has a broken arm..."

"Accidents happen," the Doctor replied. "Babies and infants get hurt just like children and adults do. You can't blame yourself. Silvia has a wonderful life. She has a mother and a father who love her and a ship full of people who care for her. What more could she need?"

"Safety," Kathryn replied, "a proper home. She deserves that, every child does..."

"Yes, and she has a safe loving home. No child could have a more loving home than she does or greater parents..."

"No," Kathryn said, turning to look at him, "Voyager isn't safe. If it was safe she wouldn't be here now with a broken arm and a head injury. She would be lying in her cot in the nursery, protected from all harm. Voyager is dangerous, Doctor, and no place for a baby..."

Sickbay doors opened and Chakotay came in. He walked over to Kathryn and the Doctor. Concern consumed him when he saw that Kathryn was agitated.

"Is Silvie alright?"

"Sleeping peacefully," the Doctor replied. "The Captain is just a little...upset."

"I'm not upset, Doctor, I just...Silvie and Stevie deserve better. Miral, Naomi and Vixi too. Voyager is no place for children..." She turned to Chakotay. "And where have you been, Chakotay? You were supposed to be here..."

"I went to see Celes, make sure she's okay." He paused. "We can't blame ourselves or each other for this. We know that Voyager isn't the ideal environment for children, but it's our home and it's their home too. And no parents could love their children more than we do."

"Love isn't enough to keep her safe, Chakotay. It isn't enough..."

"No environment is completely safe," Chakotay went on. "No child can be wrapped in cotton wool and saved from all harm. Accidents happen. True, Voyager is a more dangerous environment than most, but look how many more people Silvie and Stevie have looking out for them than most children. Everyone on this ship cares for them and will protect them. As they grow up they will have all kinds of adventures that other children will never even dream about and see things that other people may never see. There are many good things about growing up on Voyager too. Look at little Naomi. You couldn't find a happier child."

"I know," Kathryn said quietly. "I Just...when I think about what could have happened, and when I think about the way Silvie and Stevie were born...I feel as though I've failed them."

Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "You've never failed at anything, Kathryn. And you certainly haven't failed Silvie and Stevie. You're a wonderful mother to them. And one day they will tell you that themselves."

* * *

Celes was feeding Stevie in the nursery when Kathryn and Chakotay returned to their quarters. The young girl looked at her captain anxiously when she entered the room.

"I'm so sorry about Silvia," she said. "I shouldn't have lost my balance..."

"It wasn't your fault," Kathryn replied. "We're fortunate there weren't more injuries to more people." She paused. "It's been quite a night. You go and get some rest or whatever you want. I'll take over here."

"Are you sure, Captain?"

"Absolutely."

Celes got up and passed Stevie to his mother. Kathryn took him in her arms and kissed his little forehead before sitting down and giving him his bottle so he could finish his feed. Celes made her way to the door way, but then turned around to look at mother and child.

"I really am sorry about Silvia, Captain. I would rather have had her injuries myself and a thousand more than..."

"I know you would," Kathryn replied. "It wasn't your fault. Don't blame yourself. You're a great nanny."

Celes smiled wanly. "Better than I'm a Starfleet Officer?".

Kathryn smiled in return. "Let's just say I think we've found your strength on Voyager." She paused. "But you mustn't underestimate your scientific abilities. You got through the Academy, not every one does. When we get home, perhaps you should consider another field of science. Physics and astrophysics isn't everyone's strength. You may find yours lies in biology."

"Thank you, Captain," Celes replied. "But I don't think I have the ability to be a scientist. I passed exams at the Academy, but only because I memorized things. I didn't always understand them."

"Then why not apply your qualifications to another area...teaching, for example. I think you would make a fine science teacher. What you knows goes way beyond the knowledge of a fifteen year old, and you have all the experiences of the Delta Quadrant to pass on."

Celes smiled a happier smile now. "I never thought of that, Captain. Thank you for the suggestion. I think I would enjoy being a teacher."

"You're welcome," Kathryn replied. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Captain."

Celes left and seconds later Chakotay appeared.

"You really need to get some rest yourself, Kathryn. You've got an early shift again tomorrow...or rather I should say today."

"I'll be alright," Kathryn replied. "Besides it's almost morning anyway..."

"That's not the point. You need some sleep. You can't work two full days without rest..."

"I have in the past."

"And exhausted yourself in doing so. You need to sleep, Kathryn. Let me take care of Stevie. I don't need to get up as early as you."

Kathryn sighed. "I'm not going to win this round, am I?"

"No," Chakotay replied.

"Then I give in," she smiled. "But let me finish feeding him, okay?"

Chakotay smiled. "Deal."

* * *

The morning was busy. Kathryn had spent most of it in astrometrics with Seven trying to determine the source of anomaly they had encountered, but they could find no trace of it. Afterwards she had inspected damage to the ship and visited all those who had been injured. It was well passed noon before she could take a coffee-break, and even that was interrupted by Tuvok.

"Formal business or informal?" Kathryn asked, holding her cup of coffee in her hands.

"Neither and both," Tuvok replied.

"Then we'll make it informal," Kathryn smiled. "Have a seat. Can I get you a drink?"

"No, thank you, Captain. I am fully replenished."

"As you wish." She took a sip of her coffee. "What is it you want to talk about?"

"The status of our new members," Tuvok said, sitting beside her on the couch. "I have conducted an informal interview with each member and reviewed their individual qualifications. While several are qualified to hold a position on Voyager, most are not."

"I see," Kathryn replied.

"However," Tuvok continued, "many of those with no formal qualifications have, through experience, gained more than adequate knowledge and expertise to hold a position on Voyager. Of the remaining, their skills can be put to various use. A woman of the name Alice Brown is a qualified elementary school teacher, and another woman of the name Susan Morris is a qualified physician. She will be able to assist the Doctor in sickbay. A man of the name Jason Roberts is a qualified chef and will be able to assist Roxa in preparing food for the crew."

"Excellent," Kathryn replied. "We will certainly be in need of a teacher, and if the Doctor has someone else to assist him in sickbay, Tom can concentrate more on piloting and his family."

"There is one problem," Tuvok continued.

"Go on," Kathryn said, putting her cup of coffee down on the table before her.

"As an Admiral, technically your father outranks you. His presence on Voyager alters the chain of command."

Kathryn smiled. "My father and I have already discussed and settled this matter. Given his age, his infirmity, and his unfamiliarity with our technology and situation, he does not feel within his rights to exert the authority he clearly has over me. Neither does he desire to as my father. He has therefore given notice of his retirement, and it will come into effect in several days time. In the meantime, he has delegated all authority to me. Of course he wants to be involved with the ship and our journey, but only in an informal capacity."

"I believe that is a wise decision, Captain. Rank alone does not bestow the necessary qualities needed to captain a ship. I believe in every way your ability surpasses your father's."

Kathryn laughed. "Just don't tell him that, Tuvok. He might change his mind. All commanding officers have their egos, relations or not."

The ship suddenly shook and Kathryn lurched forward and then flew back against her seat.

"Looks like the anomaly is back," she said, getting to her feet. "We'd better..."

Before she could finish her sentence, a bright light engulfed the room, blinding her. As it consumed her, she felt her body tingle... the familiar sensation of transportation...

* * *

The first sight that came to Kathryn's attention when she remateralized was the friendly face of a tall, slim, woman with long ginger hair swept up in a bun and dark brown eyes. There was a brown haired man beside her who Kathryn felt she should know, but didn't. She glanced quickly around and then knew where she was and where she had seen the man before... She was on the Federation Timeship_ Relativity_.

"Welcome to the Federation Timeship Relativity," the woman said with a smile. "I'm Captain Laura Marsden and this is Lieutenant Ducane..."

"We met before," he said, "about three years ago to you."

"Yes," Kathryn replied, "I remember." She smiled. "What mission are you going to draft me into this time?"

"What we hope will be a simple one," Captain Marsden replied. "Enemies of the Federation have reverted our history to a timeline in which the Federation was involved in a devastating conflict with the Borg, a conflict that killed thousands of our people and weakened the Federation for two centuries. The temporal pulses that have been attacking Voyager over the past 24 hours were generated by them in their attempt to erase your timeline from history. They stole the temporal weapon they used from us and because they were unfamiliar with it, their initial attempts failed."

Kathryn comprehended her words, but didn't understand the motive... "Why target Voyager? Why use us to change the timeline?"

"Because Voyager was central to the chain of events that lead to the conflict with the Borg," Captain Marsden replied.

"I see," Kathryn said quietly. Then a cold shiver ran through her body as she remembered the words of Old Chakotay..._ I don't know what will happen as a result of my intervention, but I do know that things could never be as bad as what has happened in my existence. Even if you don't get home, even if Voyager is destroyed, it couldn't be as bad.._. Was this what he meant? A terrible conflict with the Borg? But how would this be possible...how would they have managed to "revert" history to this timeline? Surely it was only possible to change a timeline? "You said they have reverted the timeline," Kathryn asked. "How is that possible? I thought a timeline is erased from existence as soon as it is changed..."

"Temporal mechanics has advanced considerably since the twenty fourth century. We have a much better understanding of the way temporal paradoxes work and the way different timelines interact. As Captain Braxton might once have explained to you, A leads to B leads to C and so forth. The threads of each timeline weave together to create one ultimate existence, but they never disappear completely. Echoes of them remain. With the right technology, it isn't difficult to change one variable to change the whole."

Like sand in a box. One shake, and everything is different.

"We need to restore the timeline," Captain Marsden went on. "And we need you to help us. Our enemies have placed a device on Voyager that will destroy Voyager within minutes of returning to the Alpha Quadrant. Their motive for this is to kill your counterpart in this timeline, and Seven of Nine, so they will not assist the Federation in defeating the Borg. Also the destruction of Voyager will destroy the chain of events that will lead to the timeline you and I are from." She paused. "We need to remove that device from Voyager so events can happen as they must to create our timeline. The difficulty is they anticipated we would do this and have therefore made it very difficult for us to retrieve the device. Firstly, they have erected a shield around the device that reacts to any attempts to penetrate it by changing the shield's frequency, preventing us from getting a lock on it to transport. With our superior technology we will be able to disable this shield, but it will take a few minutes as we synchronize our technology to all possible shield frequencies. Anticipating this also, they have programmed the device to alert Voyager's Crew of a security threat as soon as we attempt to penetrate the shield, which then leads to the raising of Voyager's shields. Knowing we would easily be able to penetrate Voyager's shields, they have programmed the device to react with Voyager's shields to deny us access. We have attempted to compensate for this in various ways, but every time we've tried, it's resulted in the destruction of Voyager and we've had to erase our actions."

"I take it this is where I come in," Kathryn said.

"Yes. We need your assistance to remove this device from Voyager. By substituting you for your counterpart in this timeline, you'll be able to ignore the security threat and deactivate shields. Then we'll be able to remove the device."

"Why me?" Kathryn asked. "Why not recruit my counterpart?"

"Because we need to be sure of your co-operation." She smiled. "We're aware that you can be very stubborn at times. We need a Captain Janeway who knows what is at stake."

"I see," Kathryn replied.

"We want to send you to 07:00 hours on Stardate 54859.4. Your counterpart is sleeping and we'll transport her here and make sure she remains asleep until our mission is complete. Then we'll transport her back. She won't have any recollection of events, but we'll compensate for that by generating a temporal wave to engulf Voyager while we transport the device. We'll also transport a couple of crewmembers, as many as events make necessary, from Voyager and erase their memories of events. The conclusion drawn will be that the wave was responsible for their lack of memory ... that in effect it suspended or erased time for certain crewmembers. It will also appear as though the wave was responsible for the security alert. There will probably be some turbulence while we remove the device so the wave can also be held responsible for that." She paused. "But you needn't concern yourself with all this. It's our job." The woman couldn't help smile. "You look confused, Captain."

"That's because I am," Kathryn replied. "But temporal mechanics was never my strongest point." She paused. "If these enemies of the Federation erased our timeline from history and reverted it to another timeline, one preceding our timeline but contributing too it, how did you recruit me? Or does our timeline exist simultaneously to this one in an alternate universe? Is that what you meant when you say the timelines don't disappear completely... that they merely trade places?"

The woman laughed softly. "It took me two years of graduate study to understand temporal paradoxes and even now sometimes it gives me a headache." She paused. "Obviously I can't tell you the secrets of temporal paradoxes or we'll advance science by a couple of hundred years, but suffice it to say that your timeline and my timeline no longer exists."

"Then how did you recruit me?"

"We had an idea what our enemies were planning to do. While we couldn't stop them from erasing our timeline, we did manage to transport you from Voyager seconds before it was erased. I wanted to save you just incase we needed your help to restore the timeline."

"I see," Kathryn replied. "But it's only minutes since you've transported me. You said you've made several attempts at restoring the timeline already..."

"That is correct. It seems only minutes to you because we've kept you in transportation suspension for several hours." The woman smiled. "Just try not to think too much about the paradoxes. All you need to remember is to make sure that you deactivate shields when you receive a security alert and to keep shields down until the temporal wave we generate has gone. It would also help if you could bring Voyager to a standstill."

"Understood," Kathryn replied.

"Now," Captain Marsden said, "would you like a coffee while we fix your hair to match your appearance in this timeline? If what I've been told is true, it's your favorite beverage."

"I see my reputation precedes me," Kathryn smiled. "A coffee would be good. I can tell you if the 29th century variety is as good as the 24th.

Captain Marsden laughed and then showed Kathryn into her ready room.

* * *

"I'd forgotten how comfortable this hairstyle is," Kathryn said, looking at herself in the hand mirror Captain Marsden held before her. "When this is all over, I think I'll pay our new hairdresser a visit and have my hair bobbed again."

Captain Marsden smiled. "But don't change the color, we redheads need our heroines."

Kathryn laughed softly at that.

"There's one more thing," Captain Marsden said as she handed the mirror back to the holo-hairstylist who had cut and dyed Kathryn's hair. "Your wedding ring."

Kathryn looked at the band of gold on her hand and was almost reluctant to take it off. She hadn't taken it off since the day she had married Chakotay. It had even stayed with her when she was on Quarren. But she had a mission to complete and this was no time to be sentimental. She slipped the ring off her finger and handed it to Captain Marsden.

"You'll find things very different on this Voyager," Captain Marsden went on. "But I'm sure you'll be able to compensate for that. Just try to keep conversations to a minimal. I'm hoping we'll only have to keep you in this timeframe for an hour at most. It will only take about five minutes to transport the device, but we'll need to allow you time to make your way to the bridge and allow a respectable amount of time after your arrival there to pass before we do anything so as not to raise undue suspicion."

"Acknowledged," Kathryn replied.

The woman smiled. "Now, I think we're all set. Let's go to the transporter pad."

She turned towards the door and Kathryn followed her out of the room and across the bridge to the transporter pad.

"Good luck," Captain Marsden said as Kathryn took her place on the pad.

"You too," Kathryn said warmly.

Captain Marsden then gave the order for transportation, and Kathryn felt herself dematerialize.

**END OF PART ONE**


	32. Restoration: Part Two

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER THIRTY ONE**

**RESTORATION**  
**Part Two**

When Kathryn rematerialized, she found herself in the familiar, yet unfamiliar, surroundings of her bedroom. She looked around and couldn't help shiver at what she saw. It was exactly as it used to be before she and Chakotay had modified their quarters. The single bed that had once been a haven to her now looked lonely and uninviting, as did the entire room. Her eyes wandered to a corner of the room where Petal had always slept, but found only an empty space there.

"Computer," she said. "What stardate is it?"

Perhaps she had been transported to the wrong day. On stardate 54859.4., Petal had very much been a part of her life. And whatever the timeline, Chakotay would have had to put Petunia in the snow...

The Computer voice responded. "Stardate 54859.4."

So it was the right day. But where then was Petal? She made her way into the living room and as soon as she stepped into the room, another feeling of unease swept over her. It was four unaltered bays of furniture. There was no nursery, no bedroom, and no kitchen area leading to the bathroom. But then, on stardate 54859.4, this is how her quarters had looked, with the exception of Chakotay's belonging scattered here and there.

Kathryn's eyes found her old shelf of photographs and she wondered over to it. Pictures of Justin were amongst her family photos. Clearly she and Chakotay weren't even romantically involved in this timeline. But what of Quarren? She had been pregnant on Stardate 54859.4. Why wasn't she pregnant in this timeline? Given the attraction she and Chakotay had long felt for each other, if events had happened the same and they were both under mind control on that planet, she felt sure they would have become lovers...

Unable to ward off her curiosity, Kathryn wandered over to her desk and turned on her monitor. "Computer," she said, "display my personal logs."

Instantly, a list of log entries was displayed. Kathryn sat down and quickly searched through them, looking for entries around the time of Quarren. She quickly scanned a few entries, looking for information, and finally found a reference to Quarren. But events described in this timeline were so different to the ones she remembered. Being put under mind-control was the same, so was being made to work on the plant, but rather than being romantically involved with Chakotay, she had fallen in love with an alien man called Jaffen...

The door chime sounded and Kathryn quickly cleared the screen before getting to her feet.

"Come in..."

The door opened and B'Elanna came in. Her very distinctive bump revealed that she was pregnant, and Kathryn found an unexpected comfort in this. It was at least one link between her timeline and this one.

"What can I do for you, Lieutenant?"

"I think we need to talk, Captain," B'Elanna began. "About what happens when the baby is here."

Kathryn bit her lip. She really didn't want to get into a conversation. It could jeopardize everything... "Can it wait, B'Elanna? I really don't..."

"It won't take five minutes, Captain. It's about selecting a new Chief Engineer. I was hoping that Lieutenant Carey would take over from me, but now that he's...well, it changes everything." She paused. "I was thinking of Anthony Foster."

Anthony Foster? What about Arlei? Why wasn't B'Elanna recommending her? B'Elanna and Arlei had become friends almost straight away. There could only be one reason why she had not recommended Arlei for the post...Arlei was not a part of their journey in this timeline...

"He's still got some things to learn, but he's a good engineer, gets on well with everyone, and as I'll be on hand to help and supervise him, at least to begin with, he should have no problems."

"I really don't have time to discuss this now, B'Elanna," Kathryn said. "I'm due on the bridge..." Not wanting to be trapped into a conversation, she walked towards the door. "We'll talk about it later." The doors opened and Kathryn walked through them, speaking as she did. "Help yourself to whatever my replicator's in the mood to give you."

Witht that, the doors shut behind her, leaving a rather stunned B'Elanna alone.

* * *

Chakotay was already on the bridge when Kathryn arrived there, talking with Seven. His hair was jet black and brushed back from his temple, just like he used to wear it. She looked around the bridge, looking to see what was different, but found that everything was virtually the same as on her Voyager. Apart from Harry and Tuvok and Lieutenant Farrow at the helm, the bridge was quite deserted.

As soon as he saw her enter, Chakotay left Seven and walked over to her, a padd in his hand. "Good morning, Captain."

"Good morning," Kathryn said.

"A report on the ship's systems," he said, holding out the padd.

Kathryn took the padd. "Thank you." She then went over to her chair and sat down. Chakotay sat beside her and began to work his console. "We should have an easy ride for the next few days and be able to make up some of the time we lost last week."

"Good," Kathryn replied. She addressed Lieutenant Farrow. "What's our current speed, Mr Farrow?"

"Warp 9.6," he replied.

Harry's anxious voice suddenly broke the calm on the bridge. "There's something out there, Captain...it's coming towards us..."

Chakotay looked up from his console. "Look like I spoke too soon..."

The next alarm came from the Computer. "Security alert, Security alert." The lights dimmed and the ship automatically went to red alert.

"It appears to be some kind of temporal anomaly, Captain," Tuvok said.

"It's coming too fast for us to avoid it, Captain," Harry said, his anxiety growing. "It will engulf us in less than a minute."

"Mr Farrow, bring us to a standstill," Kathryn cried. "Tuvok, take shields offline."

Chakotay questioned. "Captain?"

Kathryn ignored him. "Immediately, Tuvok."

"But we might be destroyed," Harry said in horror...

"This is not up for debate, Mr Kim," Kathryn replied. "Take shields offline, Tuvok. That's an order!"

Tuvok hesitated. "Captain, I must..."

"Just do it!"

At that he was subdued and did what he was told. "Shields are offline."

"It's almost upon us," Harry cried..."Any second now..."

"On screen," Kathryn said calmly.

The viewscreen came online and the temporal wave was visible in the distance, a speck of blue light that was growing bigger and bigger and bigger until it completely covered the viewscreen... Seconds later the ship began to shake quite violently...

"We'll be destroyed," Harry cried again. "We've got to raise shields..."

"No," Kathryn answered. "Trust me on this..."

"But, Captain...

"It will soon pass," Kathryn said. "If we raise shields..." But before she could finish, a severe shake of the ship threw her to the floor and she lost consciousness when her head slammed against cold metal...

* * *

All was misty... a white daze... It cleared slowly and Kathryn saw a face looking down at her. Her vision was blurry, but she knew who it was. Chakotay.

"Welcome back," he send kindly.

She tried to sit up but Chakotay held her down. "Take it easy."

"What happened?"

"You fell and hit your head when a temporal anomaly engulfed us."

Kathryn closed her eyes, everything coming back to her...a temporal anomaly had engulfed them, she'd been taken to the Timeship Relativity, sent to another timeline, but now had to be back in her own...

"Is there much damage to the ship?"

"Only minor damage."

"Casualties?"

"Nothing serious."

Her head hurt and her eyes were still not focussing. It must have been some blow to the head she received when she fell. Captain Marsden must have transported her back to Voyager unconscious and Tuvok or someone found her...

"How long do I have to stay here?"

The Doctor unexpectedly answered. "Overnight at least. You received quite a severe blow to the head and are suffering from concussion. You're going to have a headache and blurred vision for a while."

"I'd rather go to my quarters," Kathryn said. "I'll rest better there..."

"You need to be taken care of, Captain..."

"Chakotay will take care of me..."

"Commander Chakotay's got to run the ship, he can't..."

"It's alright, Doctor," Chakotay said. "I'll take care of her. There's nothing I can do on the ship until repairs are complete."

The Doctor sighed. "Very well. But I want you to promise me she'll go to straight to bed..."

"You have my word," Chakotay replied.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Kathryn and Chakotay materialized in her quarters. As they did so, Kathryn's heart almost stopped at what she saw. Although her vision was blurry, it was very clear that there was no nursery, no extra bedroom... And that could mean only one terrible thing - she was still in the other timeline.

"What did you do?" she said, turning to Chakotay.

He frowned. "I'm sorry?"

"When I lost consciousness on the bridge... You raised shields, didn't you?"

"I had no choice," Chakotay replied. "That anomaly would have killed us all."

"I gave direct orders that shields were not to be raised! You had no right to undermine that order!"

"We were getting casualty reports. I couldn't risk lives..."

Kathryn was about to retaliate, but bit her tongue. It would do no good. And she could say something she was not supposed too. She raised her hand to her aching head and tried to calm herself, tried to think. If she was still in this timeline, there had to be a reason for it. And that reason could only be that Captain Marsden and Lieutenant Ducane were going to try to retrieve the device again...

"I'm sure you did what you thought was best," Kathryn replied. "But if the wave returns, it's imperative that you don't raise shields."

Chakotay hesitated. "You know something about this anomaly that you're not telling me, don't you?."

"Yes, and I can't tell you...temporal prime directive."

"I see," Chakotay said, his amusement audible in his voice.

Kathryn couldn't help ask. "What's so amusing?"

"Nothing," he answered.

"Yes there is," Kathryn said. "Tell me."

"Well," he began, "for weeks you've been pestering me to break the temporal prime directive and tell you how I knew we needed to use the deflector dish, but now the shoe is on the other foot, I'm supposed to ask no questions..." He smiled. "I might play you at your own game..."

Kathryn made no reply, his words unexpectedly making her uncomfortable as she had no idea what he was talking about. She just rubbed her aching head. Chakotay put a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Let's get you to bed..."

Kathryn wracked her brains trying to think what to do. She really couldn't afford to be indisposed right now, but there was no ignoring the physical symptoms. And as there was nothing she could do to return to her own timeline, she had to trust Captain Marsden. She had no idea what kind of technology they possessed in the 29th century. Perhaps they were well aware of her indisposition and were waiting until she was a little better before making a second attempt at retrieving the device... That's if... No, she couldn't bring herself to think it. They had to still exist. There was no reason for them not to exist... Things just hadn't gone to plan. She was only meant to be in this timeline for half an hour and was certainly not meant to be examined by the Doctor. It was strange he hadn't noticed the removed Borg implants from her brain, but then they only showed up on scans and he probably didn't use more than his medical tricorder to determine that her head injury wasn't serious. She just had to be patient and wait for Captain Marsden and Lieutenant Ducane to do their part...

Chakotay could feel the tension in her frail body and interpreted it as a sign of distrust, of discomfort in the thought of him helping her dress for bed. He squeezed her shoulder affectionately. "You know you can trust me, Kathryn."

Kathryn understood his meaning, and once upon a time she would have been horrified at the thought of him helping her undress, but that was no longer the case. "Yes," she said quietly. "I know I can trust you. But my head's hurting too much to change. I just want to lie down." She hoped Chakotay would buy the excuse. There might not be time to change back and she really didn't relish the thought of being transported back to _Relativity_ in her nightdress.

"Alright," he said. He caressed her arm softly and then began to usher her towards the bedroom. "Come on."

He led her into the bedroom and Kathryn was glad of his arm to lean on. Her body felt weak and nauseous. Chakotay pulled back the covers and Kathryn climbed into the bed. He then took off her boots and tucked the covers around her.

"Try to sleep," he said gently. "It's the best medicine."

Kathryn nodded and found that her eyes were closing almost against her will. Within minutes, she was asleep.

* * *

When she woke up, Kathryn found that while her head still hurt, her vision was clear. Chakotay was sitting on a chair at the other side of the room and smiled when he saw she was awake. "Feeling better?"

"Yes," Kathryn answered. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Just over four hours."

So long?

Chakotay got to his feet. "Can I get you anything?"

"A glass of water would be good," Kathryn replied.

Chakotay smiled. "One glass of water coming up..."

While he left the room to go and replicate a glass, Kathryn sat up. This bed wasn't as comfortable as hers. Chakotay had made them a headboard and it was just the right shape and size for her back. She looked around the room and her eyes once again fell on the empty space that Petal's bed should have occupied.

"Here," Chakotay said, having returned with the water.

Kathryn took the glass, but her mind was fixed on Petal. Why didn't she exist in this timeline?

"Things are rather muddled in my mind," she said quietly. "The deflector dish incident...was that when you put Petunia in the snow?"

"No," Chakotay replied. "That incident was a few weeks before..."

So, it had happened then. He had put Petunia in the snow. And if there was no Petal, that could mean only one thing: in this timeline, Chakotay had left her in the shelter...

"Of course," Kathryn said quietly. "I'm sorry..."

"As you say," Chakotay said. "You're just a little disorientated right now..."

The door chime suddenly sounded and Chakotay went into the living room to bid whoever was there to enter. The doors opened, and Neelix came in, a tray in his hands with two silver dishes on it.

"I've brought you some soup and bread for the Captain," he said.

"That's very thoughtful, Neelix," Chakotay replied. "But I don't know if the Captain's up to eating..."

"Of course she is," Neelix replied, making his way uninvited into the bedroom.

Kathryn's heart stirred with emotion when she saw her beloved Talaxian enter the room. It had been so long since she had seen him or heard from him and she missed him so much.

"I'll hear no excuses for not wanting this, Captain," Neelix said. "An invalid must keep up her strength. Doctor's orders..."

"Thank you, Neelix," she said, too overwhelmed at the sight of him to even think of arguing.

He put the tray before and took off the silver lids. "The bread is freshly baked, Captain and I've put plenty of butter on it just how you like it."

Kathryn put down her glass of water on the tray and picked up a spoon. "What is the soup?"

"Potato soup mixed with onions, herbs, and Leola root."

Kathryn took a spoonful and then smiled. "Delicious. You've really excelled yourself this time, Neelix."

Neelix glowed with pride and watched as she took another mouthful.

"Would you be able to keep the Captain company for a while?" Chakotay asked him. "I'd better see how things are on the bridge."

"Certainly," Neelix replied. "It will be a pleasure."

Chakotay turned to Kathryn. "I won't be long."

"Take as long as you need," Kathryn replied.

With that Chakotay left and Kathryn couldn't help feel a twinge of sadness as she watched him go. He had been so kind to her, so gentle and considerate, but there was something different about him. She couldn't quite place it, but it was something to do with the way he looked at her. There was warmth his eyes, there was care, but there wasn't the love she was so used to seeing there...

Neelix noticed her reaction to Chakotay's departure and his mood sobered. "It must be hard, Captain, seeing Commander Chakotay with Seven."

Kathryn looked up at him. "Seven?"

"Yes, they..." He paused. "They haven't told you, have they?"

Kathryn tried to put two and two together. "Are you saying that Chakotay and Seven are...seeing each other?"

"That's right," Neelix went on. "They went on a first date last weekend and are going on another one this weekend."

"I see," Kathryn said quietly.

"Only I wasn't supposed to tell anyone. It's meant to be a secret. I just thought they would have told you..."

Kathryn was a moment in answering as she tried to absorb this. Chakotay and Seven? It didn't seem possible. "Perhaps they have told me," she said, putting her hand to her brow. "My head is fuzzy right now."

"Of course," Neelix said. "But please don't tell Seven or the Commander you know if you don't know. Seven trusts me and..."

"I won't say anything," Kathryn replied. "You have my word." She gazed at the soup before her but it had suddenly lost all it's appeal. Chakotay and Seven? Her Chakotay and Seven? It was too terrible to even contemplate. But then everything about this timeline was terrible. There was no Silvie, no Stevie, not even little Petal. All she could hope was that she wasn't trapped here. It would be an existence worse than death.

"I always thought that you and he would...you know..."

"I'd rather not discuss it," Kathryn answered.

"Of course," Neelix said. "I won't say another word..."

Tuvok's voice suddenly sounded as the ship went to red alert. "This is Commander Tuvok to all. Another temporal wave will engulf us in approximately three minutes time. Severe turbulence is likely. Brace yourselves accordingly. I repeat. Another temporal wave will engulf us in approximately three minutes time. Severe turbulence is likely. Brace yourselves accordingly."

Kathryn swallowed. This was it. This was the second attempt. She hit the commbadge that still lay on her chest. "Janeway to Tuvok. Bring the ship to a standstill and take shields offline..."

Tuvok responded. "Captain?"

"Just do it, Tuvok, and keep the shields offline no matter how bad the turbulence gets. I can't tell you why, just trust me on this..."

"Understood," Tuvok replied.

The connection terminated and Neelix reached for the tray. "I'd better take this out of harms way, Captain."

He took the tray into the living room.

Before he returned to the bedroom, a blinding light filled the room and the ship began to shake. Kathryn turned away from the light and buried her head in her pillow in an instinctive attempt to protect her eyes.

The turbulence was severe and she could hear things move and fall in her quarters. She clutched the covers as she was rocked about in the bed, hoping it would soon be over...

Then it was. All was still. Quiet.

Kathryn opened her eyes and found herself lying on a gray floor, the bed gone. She looked up to see a middle aged man with short blonde hair scanning her. She had to be back on the timeship _Relativity_. Her vision was again blurred and her headache was worse.

"Concussion," the man said to Captain Marsden who stood beside him. "One more temporal jump should be okay, but it will probably render her unconscious. Temporal jumps really shouldn't be made with a head injury..."

"One more is all we need," Captain Marsden replied. "But if there's any risk at all to her long-term health then we should postpone it until she has recovered from this injury. Once we've restored the timeline, the past won't be going anywhere..."

"There's no risk of long-term damage," the doctor replied, "but as I said it will probably render her unconscious."

Kathryn interrupted. "I can live with that. I'd like to go home as soon as I can..."

"Then we'll transport you as soon as the timeline is restored," Captain Marsden replied.

The doctor extended his hand to Kathryn and helped her to her feet. Her boots were upon them and as she looked at them she also saw that her hair was exactly as it was before it was cut and dyed...

"The wonders of 29th century technology," Captain Marsden smiled.

The Doctor then put a hypospray to Kathryn's neck. "This should help with the queasiness and blurred vision."

The medication worked almost immediately and Kathryn's blurred vision cleared and her nausea eased.

"I trust the mission was successful," Kathryn said. "I fell and hit my head during the first attempt and while I was unconscious Chakotay raised shields."

"We were aware of that," Captain Marsden replied. "One of our people was present on the bridge and reported events to us. Under cover agents are one of the main ways we monitor the timeline."

"My head injury will be on record though. The Doctor will be suspicious when..."

"We're compensating for that. At this very moment our surgeon is operating on Mr Neelix to alter his memory ingrams so that he has no recollection of the past few hours. Your counterpart will have no recollection either, or a recent head injury, which will lead the Doctor and your counterpart to conclude that the second temporal wave somehow erased time in the Captain's quarters so that those hours effectively never happened for her or Mr Neelix." She paused. "We've already transported your counterpart back to Voyager and as soon as we've sent Mr Neelix back, our timeline should be restored."

"What if it isn't? What will you do with me?"

"We'll keep trying. Our history is at stake. But I am confident our timeline will be restored."

"I hope so," Kathryn replied. "From what I saw, it isn't the one I would choose as my ultimate existence."

The woman smiled. "Neither would I, for without your marriage to Commander Chakotay, I won't exist at all."

Kathryn's eyes widened. "You mean?"

"That's right," the woman continued. "I'm one of your descendants."

Kathryn studied the woman more carefully and did notice a distant resemblance to Chakotay in her eyes.

"I've always wanted to meet you," she continued. "You've been my heroine all my life. When I was a little girl my mother would tell me all these wonderful stories of your adventures in the Delta Quadrant and we would spend hours on Voyager's replica watching and participating in some of your encounters with alien lifeforms. Chasing macroviruses down the corridors was always my favorite. I wanted to grow up to be a captain just like you and was so proud that you and Commander Chakotay were my ancestors."

Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes at her words.

"We're ready to transport Mr Neelix," Lieutenant Ducane said.

Captain Marsden turned away from Kathryn. "Then proceed."

He went over to his station. "Initializing transport...Transport successful."

Captain Marsden analyzed a monitor before her and then looked at Kathryn with a smile. "We have restoration of history."

Kathryn smiled. "All's well that ends well."

Captain Marsden stepped forward and held out her hand to Kathryn. "This has been a day I will never forget."

Kathryn took her hand in hers. "Neither will I."

The woman reached into a pocket in her jacket and pulled out Kathryn's wedding ring. She looked at it a moment and then held it out to her ancestor.

Kathryn took it gratefully. "Thank you."

She slipped it back on her finger and then looked up at the woman before her. The two women locked eyes for a moment and then Captain Marsden spoke.

"Initialize transport. Send Captain Janeway back to Voyager."

Transport initialized and Kathryn dematerialized.

* * *

Chakotay rang the Ready Room door chime for a second time. There was no reply. Using his override command, he opened the doors and went inside. His eyes scoured the room and he saw an injured Tuvok leaning over an unconscious Kathryn. He was clearly dazed and there was a bleeding wound on his head. Chakotay hurried over to him.

"The Captain's pulse is steady," Tuvok said when he saw Chakotay, his voice breathless.

Chakotay put his hand on the Vulcan's shoulder. "Let's get you both to sickbay." He hit his commbadge. "Chakotay to transporter room one. Transport Commander Tuvok and the Captain to sickbay. Chakotay to sickbay. Two more casualties."

* * *

It was almost two hours later before Chakotay was able to go to sickbay to see how Kathryn was. When he arrived, the Doctor, Tom, and Susan Morris were busy treating patients. It had been a long time since Chakotay had seen sickbay so crowded. He looked around the room and finally saw Kathryn sitting up in bed talking with her father. Relief consumed him to see her awake, and he walked over to her.

Kathryn saw him approach and smiled warmly. "Everything okay?"

"All under control." He took her hand in his. "How are you feeling?"

"Queasy, but otherwise I'm okay."

Chakotay smiled, but knew that "okay" for Kathryn really meant she was feeling quite bad. Otherwise she would have said she was "fine".

The Doctor approached now, having finished attending to a patient. "The Captain suffered quite a blow to the head and will need to take things easy for a few days. I'll be trusting you to make sure she does."

"You have my word," Chakotay replied.

Kathryn shivered at the de ja vu.

"And taking it easy means taking it easy," the Doctor continued. "That means no physical or mental exertion of any kind. Is that understood?"

"Perfectly," Kathryn replied. Then she added. "When can I go home?"

"This evening." the Doctor smiled. "Mother and daughter can go home together."

* * *

Tucked up comfortably on the couch, Kathryn watched as Chakotay emerged from the kitchen with two mugs of hot chocolate topped with cream. He handed one to Kathryn and then sat opposite her to enjoy his. Kathryn dipped her finger into the cream and licked it before taking a sip of the drink.

"It's good to have Silvie home," Chakotay said.

"Wonderful," Kathryn replied.

"And you seem happier...about everything."

Kathryn looked up at him. "Something happened today, something I can't tell you about... Temporal Prime Directive. But it made me realize how lucky we are..." She paused. "And just think of all the wonderful stories we'll be able to tell our grandchildren and they'll be able to tell theirs."

Chakotay smiled. "The day we got boarded by the Borg."

Borg. She had almost forgot. She searched beneath her blanket and pulled out an honesty hat.

Chakotay questioned. "What are you doing with that?"

"I want to ask you something."

Chakotay put down his drink. "Don't you trust me to give you an honest answer?"

"If you're going to give me an honest answer, wearing the hat won't matter, will it?"

"Yes, but..."

Kathryn fixed on him a determined gaze. Chakotay sighed. "Alright, I'll put on the hat."

She handed him the hat and he put it on.

Kathryn hesitated and clutched the blanket around her. Part of her was afraid to ask what the other part of her was desperate to know.

"If you could change me in any way...I mean the way I look...what would you change and..."

Before she could finish, Chakotay took off the hat. "What's this about, Kathryn?"

Kathryn lowered her eyes to avoid his inquisitive gaze. "Nothing. I just..."

Chakotay got up and went to sit beside her. "I love you, Kathryn. I'm crazy about you. I wouldn't change anything about you." He reached out and touched her cheek with a smile. "I love your eyes, your nose, your lips, your freckles...every single one..." Kathryn smiled as tears welled in her eyes and Chakotay took her hand in his. "What's brought this on?"

Kathryn lowered her eyes. "I just...You were with someone else... in the timeline I experienced. She is...was...so beautiful..."

"So are you beautiful," Chakotay replied. "No one could be more beautiful to me than you..."

"But she was really beautiful and..."

Chakotay interrupted by kissing her lips tenderly. Kathryn couldn't help respond and kissed him in return.

When they drew away, Chakotay looked warmly into her eyes. "Does that convince you?"

"Oh I don't know," kathryn teased. "I might need a little more persuading."

Chakotay smiled and then brought his lips down to hers in a tender kiss.

Kathryn then leant into his strong body and they cuddled together on the couch.

"You know," Chakotay said impishly. "You never did answer."

"Answer?"

"What you least like about your spouse."

Kathryn laughed softly. "I didn't, did I?" She sat up again so she could look at him. "And with my head injury, you're not going to be able to make me wear that hat."

Chakotay smiled. "Unfair, Kathryn Janeway, unfair."

Kathryn gazed into his eyes, losing herself in them. "I love everything about you, Chakotay." She smiled and imitated him..."Your eyes, your lips, your nose..."

They both laughed softly.

"I even like what I most dislike," she said seriously... "your over-protectiveness." She paused. "Don't ever change. Don't ever stop loving me."

Chakotay kissed her hand. "No chance of that."

"Even when I'm stubborn?"

"Even when you're stubborn."

Kathryn gazed into his eyes again and then lowered her lips to his. She then began to kiss the hollow of his chin, working her way to his neck, showering him with tiny kisses. Chakotay cherished her kisses for a moment and then spoke, knowing only too well what was on her mind. "No physical exertion ... remember..."

Kathryn planted one last loving kiss on his neck, and then drew away.

"Besides," Chakotay said, looking at a little fluffy red-haired dog who was sitting on the floor watching them with bright black eyes and wagging her tail incessantly, "I think someone else wants your attention."

Kathryn followed her husband's eyes and smiled when she saw Petal. "Come here, old girl," she said, "Come sit with me."

With a happy bark, Petal jumped onto the couch and snuggled up to her mistress.

**END OF PART TWO**


	33. Homebird: Part One

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER THIRTY TWO**

**HOMEBIRD**  
**Part One**

The mess hall was busy. With Voyager still stationary and all repairs to the ship complete, there was very little for the crew to do except socialize. Kathryn watched from a corner of the room as the crew laughed and talked together. It warmed her heart to see how happy they all were, but she was beginning to feel uneasy about the amount of time they were spending in this asteroid zone. It had been over a week since they had found The Homebird and time they couldn't afford to waste was passing by. They were closer to home than they ever had been, but there was still a long way to go.

Just as she was about to take a sip of water, B'Elanna approached her.

"Captain," she said, "I really must speak with you."

Kathryn gestured to the empty chair opposite her. "Take a seat."

"Not here," B'Elanna replied. "In Private."

Kathryn got to her feet. "Let's go to my ready room."

* * *

Almost before the ready room doors shut behind them, B'Elanna spoke.

"I didn't want to say anything until I was sure, Captain, but I believe we can repair that alien ship enough to use it to get home."

Kathryn turned to her, sympathy and kindness in her eyes. "That ship has extensive damage, not to mention no warp core. And even if it was in peak condition, we still wouldn't know how to operate the ship safely."

"Complete repairs are not necessary. We only need to restore structural integrity and make necessary repairs to primary systems. It shouldn't take more than a few hours, not if we have the whole crew working on repairs. Enough of the ship is undamaged to hold over four hundred people. We don't even have half that."

"But neither do we have a warp core capable of powering the ship..."

"On a permanent basis, but a permanent warp core isn't needed. We only need to be able to power the ship long enough to get to the Federation. According to my calculations, our warp core will power that ship at transwarp for approximately 3.8 minutes. At maximum transwarp speed, that ship is capable of getting us close to earth in approximately 2.9 minutes."

Kathryn tried to subdue the rising hope inside. There were still so many obstacles. "When my father, Lieutenant Tighe and Lieutenant Riley tried to fly that ship at transwarp, they almost destroyed it. We can't take that risk. Remember what happened with the slip-stream technology."

"They didn't know what they were doing. Seven knows a lot about transwarp technology and she too is of the opinion this will work. According to my calculations, because of previous damage to the ship and increasing pressure on the warp core, we will begin to lose structural integrity at 2.7 minutes, but by then we should be somewhere in the Federation."

"Losing structural integrity could cause the ship to explode..."

"Not if we came out of transwarp at 2.5 minutes, ejected the warp core, turned off engines, and let the ship come to a gradual standstill. The ship's systems would probably blow out but the most we would experience is turbulence."

A part of Kathryn wanted to believe that it would work, but another part of her was still doubtful. So many times over the past seven years it had seemed that they had found a way to get home, only for their raised hopes to turn into dashed dreams. And besides, even if it was possible to make that ship transwarp capable, they were still inside an asteroid zone that allowed only for a safe speed of warp 2.

"Even if we could make that ship transwarp capable," Kathryn surmised, "we're inside an asteroid zone. We can't even travel at maximum warp, let alone transwarp..."

"At transwarp speed, everything in our path will be obliterated. The asteroids are no obstacle."

Kathryn considered this a moment and then put her hand on B'Elanna's arm. "You're a very capable engineer. If you say this is possible, I believe you. But there's a lot at stake here. If your calculations are correct, we can only attempt this once. There'll be no second chances. That means that before we could even attempt it we would have to destroy Voyager as there's no way we could leave her behind and risk her falling into the wrong hands. But once Voyager is destroyed, there's no way we can get her back again. If our attempt failed, we'd either be permanently stranded here or wherever we did manage to travel too. It's a big risk, B'Elanna, and one I'm not prepared to take."

"I wouldn't suggest this unless I was sure, absolutely sure, that it would work. I have no doubts, Captain." She held out a padd to Kathryn. "It's all in this report, Captain. Study it yourself and you'll see that I'm right."

* * *

The door chime sounded and Kathryn looked up from B'Elanna's report. "Come in."

The doors opened and Chakotay came in.

"There's nothing for me to do on the bridge. I thought I'd head to the labs and see how research is coming along on the asteroids."

Kathryn didn't answer. She was staring vacantly at the padd in her hands.

"Is everything alright?"

Slowly, Kathryn got to her feet and turned to her husband.

"B'Elanna thinks we can repair The Homebird and use it to return to the Federation. I've read her report five times and I have to admit it's convincing..." She paused and was clearly conflicted.

"But?"

"To attempt this, we'd have to sacrifice Voyager. We couldn't leave her behind and risk our technology falling into the wrong hands."

Chakotay stepped closer. "B'Elanna wouldn't recommend it unless she was sure it would work."

"I know." She paused again. "Every part of me wants to do this, Chakotay, but I won't make an alone decision on destroying Voyager like I did seven years ago when I destroyed the array. We'll only do this if every single senior staff member agrees."

* * *

The senior staff listened almost incredulously as their captain recited to them what B'Elanna had said to her.

"If B'Elanna believes this will work, then I believe her," Kathryn said. "But I won't make an alone decision this time. While I don't regret destroying the array to save the Ocampa, I do regret making that decision alone. I won't make that mistake again. We won't do this unless every person in this room agrees." She paused. "But, before we vote on this, are there any questions?"

Harry spoke. "If we destroy Voyager, what will happen to the Doctor and all the data we've collected on alien species in the Delta Quadrant?"

"The Doctor's holo-emitor means he can exist independently of this ship. In fact, the holo-emitor is more capable of sustaining his program than Voyager. It has extensive memory capacity and has been especially designed for the purpose. The reason we have kept the Doctor's program integrated into the ship is because if something goes wrong with the emitor or it is lost, we won't lose the Doctor. When we return to the Federation, all necessary back-ups can be made." She paused. "As to the data we've collected, we'll transfer those to portable files so nothing is lost." She looked around. "Any more questions?"

There were none.

"Alright," she said. "Hands up all those who think we should do it."

Holding her breath, she waited for the senior staff to respond. B'Elanna was the first to raise her hand, followed by Tom. Tuvok and Chakotay raised their hands together, followed by Seven, Harry, and the Doctor.

"Looks like we're all in agreement," Tom smiled.

Kathryn breathed again but butterflies began to fill her stomach. "Then let's inform the crew." She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to all. Please report to the mess hall immediately. I repeat. Janeway to all. Please report to the mess hall immediately."

The connection then terminated.

Kathryn turned to her senior officers. "Make your way to the mess hall. Dismissed."

Everyone began to leave the room, but Kathryn stayed behind and looked out at the rainbow asteroids. When they were alone, Chakotay went over to her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"What is it?"

Kathryn was a moment in replying. "For so long I've dreamed of getting this crew home. I just never thought it would be in another ship."

* * *

The mess hall was packed when Kathryn and Chakotay arrived there and everyone was talking amongst themselves. Excitement and curiosity were evident in their tone. Word had clearly got around already.

Kathryn cleared her throat and prepared to speak. "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please..."

At the sound of their captain's voice, the crowd fell silent.

"I have gathered you all here this morning to make a very special announcement. B'Elanna Torres has discovered that by using Voyager's war core, it is possible to make The Homebird transwarp capable again just long enough for us to return to the Federation. When all necessary repairs and modifications to the ship have been made, we will transport to The Homebird and destroy Voyager."

At this, the crew turned to themselves and talk filled the air.

"I make no pretense that it will be easy to do. Voyager has been our home and our haven for all these years. But we can't leave her behind and risk her falling into the wrong hands. When all repairs and modifications are complete, either myself or Commander Chakotay will speak to you all again. Thank you."

Chatter once more filled the air and Kathryn turned to B'Elanna who was standing close by. "B'Elanna, take charge of all repairs. Have as many crew members working on them as necessary." She then turned to Seven. "Seven, begin transferring data to files."

"Yes, Captain."

Kathryn searched the crowd, looking for Justin, and went over to him when she found him.

"Justin, I'm going to need you to familiarize me with The Homebird. Let's go to my ready room."

* * *

Kathryn rubbed her tired eyes as she tried to assimilate as much knowledge as she could on The Homebird. The action was not unnoticed by Justin.

"I suggest we stop for lunch," he said kindly.

"Not yet," Kathryn replied. "I've still got a lot to learn."

"We've been at it for over two hours and you have more than adequately covered the information you need on the ship for this mission."

"I like to know everything about the ships I command," Kathryn replied, "from the exact measurements of the bridge to the number of windows."

"A quality to be commended, but if all goes to plan, this mission will last only minutes. Everything you need to know, you already do."

"It will go to plan," Kathryn said, rather defensively. "There's no way I would destroy this ship if I thought there was any real risk of failure. I trust B'Elanna and I trust Seven. If they tell me this will work, I believe them." She got up from her chair and wandered over to the window. "But you're right. I am wasting my time absorbing all this detail. That ship will either get us home, or it won't, based on what I already know."

Justin couldn't help smile.

Kathryn frowned. "Why do you look at me that way?"

"You haven't changed a bit, Kath, you really haven't."

The ease of his manner and warmth in his smile relieved Kathryn's tension. "And is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"That depends," he teased.

"On what?"

"Whether you're a friend or a foe. I'd hate to meet you in battle." He got to his feet with a smile. "Lunch?"

"Lunch," Kathryn smiled.

* * *

Chakotay looked around the quarters that had been the happiest home he had ever known and a heavy sadness welled inside. He wanted to get the crew home as much as Kathryn did, but a part of him was apprehensive too. His future in the Federation was so uncertain. He already knew there was a high possibility that he and the other Maquis would have to go to trial, and while Admiral Paris had said they would most likely be treated leniently, that could not be depended on. How they would be treated would depend so much on the state of affairs back home. And politics, at even the best of times, was a fickle fortune. If it served the Federation's interest to treat him and the Maquis with leniency, then they would do so with all grace, but if it served their interests to make an example of him, they would do that with all force.

The nursery door opened and Celes emerged from inside with Stevie. He was dressed smartly in a yellow outfit and had a little white hat on his head. "Are repairs to the ship complete?"

"Not yet," Chakotay replied. "But any time now."

"I've dressed the twins ready for the trip and packed a couple of bags with things they'll need."

Chakotay smiled. "Very thoughtful of you."

Suddenly, a light shone before him and Q materialized.

"Commander Chakotay," he said impishly, "we meet again." He turned to baby Stevie and smiled. "This must be Janeway Junior."

Chakotay questioned. "What are you doing here?"

"Come to see Kathy, of course."

"The Captain's busy right now."

"Preparing to get that alien wreck ready for flight, I know." He smiled. "But I think you'll find she'll walk through that door in exactly 3.2 seconds."

No sooner had he finished speaking when the door opened and Kathryn came in. She stopped and sighed when she saw him.

"Q."

Q stepped forward and kissed her hand. "Pleased to see me?"

Kathryn withdrew her hand and smiled. "Considering that our last three out of four encounters were not exactly trouble free, let's just say I have my reservations..."

"Well, there is nothing untoward in my visit this time," he replied. "I just wanted to wish you well in your valiant attempt at getting home."

Kathryn stepped closer, a little flirtatiously. "Tell me for sure if we'll make it..."

"And spoil all the fun?" He clicked his fingers and instantly Stevie appeared in his arms. "But I will say this is a fine little fellow you have here..."

Stevie began to cry in the strange man's arms.

"And you're frightening him."

"Me?" He turned himself into a green-haired clown with a red nose. "I'm not frightening you am I?"

Stevie cried even louder and Kathryn stepped forward. "Give him to me."

She took her son in her arms and rocked him gently. "There, there, sweetheart, it's alright." Then more for Q's benefit than his. "Q's not really a monster."

She then held Stevie out to Celes. "Take him to the nursery."

"Yes, Captain," Celes said and went on her way.

"That's unfair," Q said as Celes disappeared into the nursery, "depriving me of his company. I made you Godmother to my son."

"And not a role to envy," she said, half teasing, half serious.

"You should return the favor," Q teased, "imagine all the fun the little humans and I would have together."

Instantly, Silvie and Stevie appeared, revolving in mid-air around Q and dressed as frogs.

"Q!" Kathryn exclaimed in alarm...

Silvie and Stevie disappeared and Q became himself again.

"Don't be alarmed, Kathy, I wouldn't hurt them...trust your old Q. After all, it is a term of endearment in some parts of the galaxy."

"Really..." Kathryn said, her tone sarcastic.

"On the green and blue planet you're so fond of. In fact, in a tiny little land they call Wales..."

"Well, it's no term of endearment here," Kathryn replied.

Q frowned. "Aren't you the least bit glad to see me, Kathy?"

Kathryn had to smile. "Maybe just a little bit."

Q beamed a smile and turned to Chakotay. "Did you hear that, Chuckles? You have a rival for Kathy's affections. And I don't just mean the Tighe-guy."

He clicked his fingers and Stevie again appeared in his arms. "And to think this little man could have been ours, Kathy. Oh, the bitterness of regret..."

"Q..." Kathryn protested at the sight of her son again.

"Only playing, Kathy..." Stevie disappeared and Q turned to look at Chakotay, rather in frustration. "Don't you have somewhere to go, Chuckles? Your presence is beginning to irritate me."

"I could say the same thing," Chakotay replied.

"Cheeky, Chuckles," Q answered. "But what can I expect but ingratitude from such an inferior species..."

"Not so ungrateful," Kathryn replied. "I can never thank you enough for saving us from the Andorak."

"All in a day's work," he smiled. "Or rather in your day that is. My day is both an eternity and an instant...But what is the point of omnipotent powers if all one does is keep them to oneself? It's at least charitable to share then once in a while...or twice..."

The word caught Kathryn's attention. "Twice?" She paused. "Do you mean Elissia?"

"Elis saw me what? No, no..." Petal appeared in his arms. "I mean this red bundle of joy."

"It was you," Kathryn said as it all clicked in place. "You created the temporal anomaly..."

"Yes, and more than once as Cheeky Chuckles here made five from two and two the first time...The trials of superior intelligence..."

He put Petal to the floor and the animal sniffed him.

"But it was years before you knew me," Kathryn considered. "Why save me then?"

Q sighed. "You should know the answer to that, Kathy. The past is the present and the future is the past. For you to be here now, I had to save you then. But, I'll admit I didn't realize it until I brought my son to Voyager and found some ghastly woman in your place..."

He clicked his fingers and Petal turned blue.

"A more agreeable color, don't you think?"

Kathryn was just about to respond when B'Elanna's voice sounded over the comm. "Torres to Janeway. Report to Engineering...The Homebird..."

Kathryn answered. "I'll be right there."

"I see that's my cue to leave," Q said, enjoying his own play on words. Then he clarified. "Q and cue..."

"Yes," Kathryn smiled. "I got it..."

He smiled in return. "Have a pleasant flight. Good day..."

He disappeared and Kathryn was left looking at a blue furred Petal.

Q suddenly reappeared. "Sorry," he said. Petal became herself again and Q disappeared.

Kathryn turned to her husband, slightly bewildered. "Repairs to The Homebird are complete. Tell the crew to start collecting all personal belongings and to await further instructions."

"Right away," he smiled.

* * *

Kathryn looked up at Voyager's transplanted warp core as she entered Engineering. It looked so small on this ship, so out of place.

"I'm sorry to have to call you here," B'Elanna said, approaching her captain as soon as she entered the room. "But there's a problem."

"What kind of problem?"

"Our warp core isn't performing as it should. I can't explain it, Captain, and I've spent the past two hours searching for a cause, but I can't find one. And I don't know where else to look."

"What do mean isn't performing as it should?"

"It isn't performing to maximum capacity. As it is now, the warp core will only power the ship at transwarp for approximately 3.1 minutes. That's still long enough to get us to the Federation, but unless I can detect the problem, I can't say for certain that the warp core won't fail."

"I see," Kathryn said quietly.

"What I can tell you is that it shouldn't fail in mid-flight. The problem seems to be at start up. Three out of ten times it wouldn't power up. Those seven times it did power up, it wasn't performing to maximum capacity. This was just for regular warp. We can't pre-test the demands of transwarp because it would consume too much power." She paused. "I'm confident all will be well, that if it doesn't power up sufficiently the first time, it will a second or a third, but I can't guarantee it."

Kathryn was silent a moment as she tried to absorb this. "What would you say are the odds of our success?"

"To play it safe, I'd say sixty-five percent."

Kathryn turned away from her and looked up again at the warp core. "Keep trying to locate the problem. Get whatever help necessary. If you still can't find it, then we'll reassess our plans."

"Yes, Captain."

* * *

Kathryn sat in her ready room, the cup of coffee in her hands cold. The door chime sounded, but Kathryn was a moment in responding. "Come in."

Chakotay came in. "Download of data is complete."

Kathryn made no reply. Instead she got to her feet. "There have been some...unforseen complications," she said quietly.

Chakotay bridged the distance between them. "Go on."

"The warp core isn't powering up as it should. In short, that ship might not get us home after all. The odds are still in our favor, but they're considerably less than they were three hours ago."

"I see," Chakotay replied, absorbing this.

"B'Elanna's trying to locate the problem, but is having no success. Unless she can find it and correct it, we're going to need a change of plan."

"What do you have in mind?"

Kathryn was a long moment in giving her answer. "I stay behind on Voyager."

Chakotay inhaled sharply. "No...no way, Kathryn..."

"It's the only way. The odds are either that ship will get the crew home or it won't. If it doesn't work, we'd still have Voyager."

"And if it does work?"

"I'll destroy Voyager and follow you in the Delta Flyer..."

"It would take you years to get home!"

"We don't know that. If damage to the ship isn't too bad then it might be repairable and you can return for me with a spare warp-core... "

"And if damage is too extensive that the ship can never be used again? It's out of the question, Kathryn, absolutely out of the question..."

Kathryn lay her hands on his arms. "You're thinking as my husband, Chakotay, not as my First Officer. Right from the beginning we said we wouldn't allow our personal feelings to cloud our professional judgment and we can't start now... There's a very good chance that ship can be used one more time to get the crew home and we have to try... And that means I have to stay behind..."

"No, Kathryn..." Tears flooded his eyes. "You can't do this..."

"I have to, Chakotay. And there's nothing you can say to change my mind..."

"Then we'll all stay. You, me, Silvie and Stevie..."

"And what kind of life would it be for them? They need to go home with you..."

"And they need their mother!"

Kathryn turned away from him. "Don't make this harder than it is, Chakotay..."

"I won't leave you behind, Kathryn, and neither will the crew..."

"It's my decision..."

"And it's wrong..." He grabbed her arm, harder than he intended and turned her to him. "I won't let you do this. We'll find another way..."

"Such as?"

"Initializing self-destruct but making sure there's plenty of time for us to attempt to get home before it completes..."

"It's too risky..."

"How?"

"Aliens might capture Voyager before she's destroyed. We can't take that chance..."

"But this space is uninhabited..."

"We don't know that for absolute sure. Just because we're not detecting any lifeforms doesn't meant there aren't any... We can't risk our technology falling into the wrong hands..."

"If there were aliens here, they would have captured The Homebird a long time ago."

"Not necessarily. There's a big difference between an occupied ship and an abandoned one."

Chakotay stepped away from her, fighting his frustration. "You can't do it..."

"I don't want to," Kathryn continued, "but I have too. And in your professional judgment, you have to know I'm right. Needs of the many..."

"Then I'll stay," he said.

Kathryn turned away. "This is no longer up for discussion."

"It damn well is," Chakotay cried. "I'm not letting you do this, Kathryn. If you want professionalism on this, then I'm giving you an impartial assessment. If it's imperative that someone stays behind, then I am by far the better candidate than you. In the eyes of the Federation, I'm a Maquis criminal who will go to trial when we get home and perhaps land in jail. With you stuck out here, who then looks after our children? I have no close family other than you, Slivie and Stevie who would miss me, and I'm not the crew's captain. And it's the duty of a First Officer to protect his captain even with his life. If someone is to stay behind, it has to be me. The Captain can't argue with that."

His determined gaze met her eyes and Kathryn had to look away from him. He was right, every part of her knew he was right, but she didn't want him to be.

The door chime suddenly sounded.

Kathryn forced out her voice. "Come in."

B'Elanna came in. The overwhelming tension in the room weighed upon her as soon as she entered and made her uncomfortable. "We've tried everything, Captain," she said uneasily. "We can't locate the problem."

Kathryn stared out of the window and was a long time in responding.

"Then we have to change our plans," she said quietly. "Chakotay will stay behind on Voyager."

B'Elanna's eyes widened in alarm. "What?"

Kathryn turned to her, forcing herself to be strong. "We can't destroy Voyager when there's a strong possibility the mission will fail..."

"But a higher probability of success! And even if there wasn't, how can you even think of leaving him behind?"

"We can repair The Homebird and go back for him," Kathryn said calmly.

B'Elanna almost scoffed. "When we get that ship home, she'll be a write off! There's no way she'll ever be able to fly again..."

"You don't know that for sure..."

"I would bet my life on it! We'll be pushing her to the limit to get her to the Federation!"

Chakotay interrupted. "Whether The Homebird can come back for me is irrelevant. Someone has to stay behind on Voyager as a precaution, and that someone has to be me..."

"No it doesn't," B'Elanna argued. "And if doing this means we have to leave someone behind, then we won't do it. All for one and one for all...isn't that what you always say, Captain?"

Chakotay answered before she had the chance to. "And if we don't do this, how many people are going to lose their lives in the years it takes to reach the Federation? This is our best chance yet of getting the crew home and we have to take it..."

"No," B'Elanna cried. "Not if it means sacrificing you. And I know everyone else will feel the same..."

"It's already decided."

"Then undecide it!" She turned to Kathryn. "You can't do this, Captain. You can't let him sacrifice himself..."

"It's my choice," Chakotay said.

"You risked all our lives to save Roxa and Vixi," B'Elanna went on. "And we could have ended up anywhere, even further into the Delta Quadrant than we were to begin with. Why do less for Chakotay? Why sacrifice him? It's wrong..."

"Roxa and Vixi was different," Chakotay said.

"How?"

"B'Elanna's right," Kathryn said at last. "It has to be me that stays..."

"Why any of us?" B'Elanna continued. "Why not just set Voyager up to self-destruct and then if we make it home she will and if we don't, she'll be safe... No one has to stay behind..."

"We can't risk her falling into the wrong hands..."

"And how likely is that?"

"As likely as getting pulled to the Delta Quadrant by an alien from another galaxy, but it happened! We can't take any chances..."

"Then let's not do it!"

"I can't let this chance to get the crew home slip by. We have children on board, babies. If I have to sacrifice myself for that, then I will...If all goes to plan, I'll destroy Voyager and follow in the Delta Flyer..."

"It would take years..."

"I'm not debating this any further, Lieutenant. We're going ahead as planned, only I will stay behind..."

"No way..." she cried.

"It's the only way... If we don't get the crew home now, we're talking of perhaps another eighteen years of traveling. Longer if for some reason we can't fly at maximum warp. We are traveling through uncharted and unknown territory and it's almost certain there will be hostile aliens along the way. Lives will be lost. I'm not prepared to let that happen."

"But what of your life?"

"Needs of the many..."

"I'm staying," Chakotay sinterrupted. "We've already settled this..."

Kathryn turned to him "But it's not your..."

"It is, Kathryn. It is..."

B'Elanna could listen to no more of this and fled from the room...

Chakotay turned to Kathryn and seized her gently. "It has to be me, Kathryn. We know that as Captain and First Officer, and we know that as husband and wife..."

A tear ran down Kathryn's cheek and Chakotay took her hands in his.

"This is my decision, Kathryn. And I believe it's the right one. We could get home in eighteen years time and never lose anyone, or we could find another way home next week, next month, next year and never lose anyone, but on the other hand we might lose many more people before getting home, even a child, and I can't take that risk. We have the chance now of getting the crew back to their families and we have to take it, even if it means personal sacrifice."

Kathryn broke away from him as another tear ran down her cheek.

"And you know I'm right, Kathryn."

Kathryn nodded. "But I can't bear the thought..."

Chakotay tentatively drew her close and as she responded, held her tight.

* * *

B'Elanna sat on her couch, arms around tucked up legs, weeping painfully. She was alone as Miral was with in the holodeck with Tom. The door chime sounded, but B'Elanna ignored it. It rang again. Still she made no response.

Suddenly, the doors opened and Chakotay came in. B'Elanna looked up at him and got to her feet.

"You can't do this, Chakotay..."

"I have too," he said kindly.

"But it's wrong! And I can't believe the Captain's even thinking of it..."

"It's either her or me, and it has to be me..."

"But we don't have to do it! We'll get home another way..."

"And probably lose people in the meantime. It has to be this way."

"But we've never sacrificed anyone... It's all for one and one for all..."

"Exactly, one for all...and I have to do this...I have to do this for everyone..."

"But you'll be stranded here all by yourself...You'll never make it home... You can't do it... And everyone will agree..."

"Agree or not, it makes no difference. I have to stay behind, just like the Captain and I had to stay behind when we were infected with that virus six years ago. Sometimes a sacrifice is necessary..."

"But you're sacrificing your life on what ifs and maybes. Who is to say people won't die when we get home? Would you blame yourself for that too? That we should have stayed out here longer?"

"That's different..."

"No it isn't...What happened to live for the moment, to do what is right for the present because we can't know the future?"

"There's a big difference between sacrificing the present for an uncertain future and sacrificing a certain future for the present..."

"But this is wrong!" Angrily, she turned away. "Dammit, I wish I'd never even come up with the idea!"

"If you hadn't, someone else would have..."

"We don't know that..." She clenched her fists, fighting the emotions... "It's not right you sacrifice yourself for this. It was my idea. I'm the one who should stay..."

Chakotay turned her to him. "Now you listen to me. I'm the one staying and that's final. I'll hear no more of you staying or Kathryn staying. I'm staying. It's my place and it's my duty, both as First Officer and Kathryn's husband. When we get back, we don't know what will happen to us. We might be exonerated or we might end up in jail. It depends how the wind blows. The crew needs their captain to get them home and if she sacrificed herself, it would ruin the homecoming they have waited for for years. They love her and trust her and they need her to see them through this. The crew don't need me in the same way. Apart from you, Kathryn, Vixi, Naomi, Tom and Harry, no one will really miss me. I might be First Officer but I'm also an ex-Maquis and their feelings for me don't run as deep... It needs to be me, B'ei. It has to be..."

B'Elanna was still not convinced. "But they need me less than they need you..."

"No they don't. They need you to get them home. They need their Chief Engineer. You can't let them down. Please, B'Elanna. I need your support on this."

"B'Elanna broke away from him. "It's a hell of a lot to ask..."

"I know that. But we have to do this. We have too. If nothing else, I have to do it for Silvie and Stevie, so they can have a normal life, and you have to do it for Miral. I need your support, B'Elanna. Don't let me down."

B'Elanna leant against the sloping window frame for a long moment and then turned to him. "Alright. We'll do this for the children. But you'd better get back to us, big guy. Understand?"

Chakotay nodded and then gave a grateful smile. "Thank you."

**END OF PART ONE**


	34. Homebird: Part Two

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER THIRTY THREE**

**HOMEBIRD**  
**Part Two**

Kathryn sat in the briefing room, eyes fixed on her hands, as Chakotay told the senior staff of the new plans. She knew it was really her place to tell them, but she couldn't do it. All she could do was listen, and that was hard enough. Everyone was present except for B'Elanna who had returned to The Homebird.

"No way," Tom said as Chakotay told of his intention to stay behind. "Unless we all go, none of us do..."

"I agree," Harry said. "How can we go and leave you behind?"

"One of us has to stay," Chakotay answered. "And that someone has to be me..."

"But why?" Tom asked. "Why does someone have to stay? So what if Voyager falls into alien hands? What can they do with her? She will surely be no more advanced than their vessels."

"All kinds of reasons," Chakotay replied. "To begin with, it would be a violation of the prime directive..."

"To hell with the prime directive," Tom cried. "This is your life we're talking about..."

"And the lives of others. Countless others. We have a chance, a good and real chance, of getting the crew home with this ship and we have to do it. If we don't, the overwhelming likelihood is we will lose people before we get home. How would you feel then? How would you feel if we lost B'Elanna or Miral?"

"If," Tom answered. "We're dealing with uncertainties against a certainty. We might lose no one..."

"But the likelihood is that we will. For all we know, we could all be killed. We have to do this. We have to take this chance..."

"The Commander is correct," Tuvok interrupted. "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Such an opportunity may not rise again."

"So what?" Tom replied. "I don't care if we never get home. There, I've said it. My life on Voyager is better than anything I ever had back there..."

"That may be the case for you, Mr Paris," Tuvok continued, "but that is not the case for most members of this crew. They have families and loved ones they wish to return too."

"But at the expense of Chakotay's life?"

"The Commander will have everything at his disposal to return to the Federation."

"And just how long will that take?" Harry said. "If he makes it at all..."

"Exactly," Tom went on "One man alone against hostile aliens? Come on..."

"I've made my decision," Chakotay said.

Tom turned to Kathryn now. "How can you even consider this, Captain? Don't you want Silvie and Stevie to have a father?"

At this, Kathryn got to her feet. "Enough, enough, enough!" Tears welled in her eyes. "I am barely keeping my head together on this and what I need now is your support! This is the hardest and most painful decision I have ever had to make but we have no choice! It's either leaving one person behind with a vessel to get home or it's continuing our journey which most likely means we will lose people. Right from the beginning we've known that was the case. We knew that unless we settled on an m-class planet, we would be traveling through uncharted and unknown space, with the overwhelming likelihood we would encounter hostile aliens along the way. But to get home, every single one of us has been prepared to give our life. Some have given their lives and we honor their sacrifice."

"But we didn't abandon them," Tom stated. "They died from disease or in battle..."

"All in the pursuit of getting home," Kathryn continued. "And we're not abandoning Chakotay. We'll leave him with more than enough to return home. We may even be able to come back for him in the The Homebird or he may find a wormhole that will get him home sooner..."

"And he may never return." He paused. "You said we would only do this if everyone of us agreed that we should. Well, I don't, Captain. I say we continue our journey."

"So do I," Harry said. "If I die during the journey, so be it. But I won't support abandoning a crew-member."

Kathryn made no reply. Her mind was full of fog and she desperately tried to clear it. She had to focus, had to be the captain. There was truth to Tom's words, and Harry's sentiment was her own, but while their views were admirable, deep inside she knew they were letting emotion cloud their judgment.

Tuvok got to his feet. "Permission to speak freely, Captain."

"Granted," Kathryn said quietly.

" I believe this matter is too emotionally charged for any of you to make a rational decision. My assessment is that the Captain wishes to be the one to remain behind, but out of love and duty, Commander Chakotay wishes to take that burden upon himself. Out of friendship and concern for the Commander, none of you are willing to allow him to stay behind." He turned slowly towards Kathryn. "Not wanting to make an alone decision that affects the lentire crew, you wish for a consensus of opinion. However, I do not feel it will be forthcoming in this case." He paused. "Captain, refrain from expression of opinion. Everyone else, please raise your hand if you believe we should go ahead with the mission and leave Commander Chakotay behind."

Chakotay and Tuvok raised their hands.

"Therefore, we do not have consensus, Captain. I believe this matter should be put to the crew. It does, after all, involve them. I believe we should ask every crew member to vote on the matter and take the course of action the majority vote for."

"No," Kathryn said, getting to her feet. It had been a mistake to bring this to her officers. It wasn't helping, it was only making things worse. She was the captain of the ship and it was her place to make these kinds of decisions. And she had to make one now. "I won't ask the crew to take responsibility for our decision. It isn't fair. They look to us for guidance. If we can't agree, then we'll have to do this the old fashioned way and flip a coin." She turned to Tom. "Mr Paris, replicate us a coin."

"I don't think that..."

"Just do it!"

He was subdued. "Yes, Captain."

He went over to the replicator, replicated a coin, and then took it to his captain.

Kathryn looked at the bright twentieth century English penny and couldn't help feel a twinge of hope. There was a good chance that the answer it gave them would be in the negative -- that they destroy The Homebird instead of Voyager and leave this asteroid zone as planned. With this thought dominant, she looked up at her senior staff. "Heads we do this, tails we don't."

Without another word, she tossed the coin into the air and then caught it on the back of her hand, her other hand over it.

But she couldn't withdraw her hand to reveal the answer. For a long time she just stared at it. The fate of all their lives lay literally in her hands and she didn't want to know what destiny had decided for them. But she had to know, she had to pull her hand away. She took a deep breath and then lifted her hand.

The answer was heads.

Kathryn stared at it as disappointment consumed her but she wouldn't give in to it. She looked up at the anxious faces before her.

"Heads. We do this." Without waiting for their response, she turned to Tuvok. "The Homebird is ready for us to board. Begin evacuation of this ship." She turned to the rest of her senior staff. "The rest of you, dismissed."

The staff hesitated and looked at each other in concern.

"I said dismissed!"

At that, they began to leave the room. Just as Harry reached the door, he turned around, about to protest, but when he saw the way his captain was looking down at the table, her body taut, face pale and eyes glazed, the pain in that expression silenced him and all he could do was turn around and leave.

The doors closed after the last person left, leaving Kathryn and Chakotay alone.

"I remember the first time I came into this room," he said quietly. "It was just after we had been stranded and you called me and several senior Maquis officers to join you and Tuvok here. It's where you made me your First Officer." He paused. "It's befitting then that it's the place we say good-bye."

Kathryn looked up at him, tears in her eyes.

"There's no point prolonging things. There's no more you can do on Voyager. You're needed on The Homebird now. And prolonging our parting will just make things harder, for both of us." Tears flooded his eyes and he took Kathryn's hands in his, holding them tight. "I don't want you to wait for me, Kathryn. I don't want to put you through that. I'll stay on Voyager and die with her. Then you can marry Justin and..."

"No," Kathryn said, shaking her head as tears fell. She drew him close and held him tight, squeezing him against her. "You'll take the Delta Flyer and you'll make your way home. And when you get home, I'll be waiting. How ever long it takes, I'll be waiting. I promise you I'll be waiting."

"I might never get home, Kathryn," he whispered. "You have to move on with your life."

"You will," she said, drawing away from him to look at him. "You will get home." She put her hand to his cheek and her voice fell to a whisper. "Promise me..."

Chakotay took her hand in his. "Justin loves you. With him you can have a better life than the one you'll have waiting for me. And Silvie and Stevie will..."

Kathryn put her fingers to his lips, silencing him. "I don't want Justin. I want you." A tear ran down her cheek. "I love you, Chakotay. I love you more than..." Her own words choked her. "Promise me you'll get home...I can't do this unless you promise me."

Chakotay touched her face, traced her tear. "I promise."

Kathryn drew him close again and they held each other tight, held each other long.

Then Chakotay drew away. "You'd better get to The Homebird..."

"What about Silvie and Stevie? You'll need too..."

"It's better this way," he said. He couldn't say good-bye to Silvie and Stevie, he just couldn't.

He lowered his lips to Kathryn's and kissed her gently, sweetly. Then he gazed deep into her eyes.

"I'm so glad you came into my life, Kathryn. I wouldn't change a moment..."

"Neither would I."

"I love you so much."

"I love you..."

He opened his mouth to say good-bye, but anticipating that he would, Kathryn put her fingers to his lips.

"No," she whispered. "We won't say good-bye. We'll just kiss one last time and then I'll leave."

A tear ran down Chakotay's cheek and Kathryn slowly, tentatively, raised her lips to his and kissed him one last time. His arms crushed her against him and they kissed long, kissed deep, neither wanting to let go...

Then, at last, Kathryn drew away and without another word, left the room.

* * *

Outside in the corridor, Kathryn felt her heart break. She realized she had stopped walking, and when she tried to force her legs forward, she found they had frozen. She couldn't go on. All she could do was go back. There was no way she could leave Chakotay behind, no way she could go through with this mission. They would find another way home...

Before she knew it, she was walking back through the doors and into the briefing room...

But it was empty. There was no Chakotay.

Kathryn span around, searching the room for him, but all she saw was a single peach peace rose on the table before her. She picked it up and found a beautiful diamond eternity ring on the stem. There was a silver tag attached to it with an old saying emblazoned in gold writing upon it: "To see what is right and not to do it, is want of courage."

Kathryn rang her fingers over the words and then put the ring on her wedding finger. He had known she would do this, that she would turn around... He knew her better than she knew herself... And, in a way only he could, had helped her find the strength to go on with the hardest thing she had ever had to do.

* * *

Chakotay entered the bridge and found it was empty. The viewscreen was operational and in the distance he could see The Homebird. A lot of windows were illuminated, but it was too far away for him to see inside. He looked around the bridge and the silence was unsettling. Tuvok had been instructed to tell him when he was leaving in a shuttle with the last crewmembers, and all he could do now was wait. He went over to the seat that had been his for over seven years, sat down, and waited...

* * *

From a window in her father's old room on The Homebird, Kathryn looked out at Voyager. Only hours ago, the thought of destroying the ship that had been their home and haven for over seven years had been terrible, but now, the destruction of Voyager was the last thing on her mind.

"Here," her father said, holding out a cup to her, "Coffee, black, just how you like it."

Kathryn made no response. She just continued to gaze out of the window. Her father put down the cup and lay his hand on her shoulder.

"It doesn't have to be this way, Goldenbird. There's still time to change your mind."

A stray tear ran down Kathryn's face and she clumsily wiped it away. "Unless you're going to say something useful, Daddy," she said sharply, "don't say anything at all."

With that, she left the room.

* * *

More lights glowed on The Homebird as more people arrived there. Chakotay looked at the ship for a few moment longer, and then got to his feet. He had to do something, had to occupy his mind.

"Tuvok to Chakotay."

Chakotay responded. "Go ahead."

"Everyone except myself and Lieutenant Riley has left Voyager. We are also now ready to depart. I wish you all the best in your journey to the Federation and hope we shall be in each others company again very soon. It has been an honor to serve with you. Live long and prosper."

The connection terminated. Chakotay returned to his seat again and operated his console. It informed him of an imminent shuttle launch and then of a successful departure.

Chakotay looked up at the screen before him and on it he could see the shuttle head steadily for TheHomebird. He watched it until it was nothing more than a small speck and disappeared inside the mammoth ship.

A coldness engulfed Chakotay at the awareness he was now completely alone and a profound sense of loneliness. He looked around the bridge and it didn't seem as inviting as it once did, seemed even quite hostile. A console creaked to his left and Chakotay turned to it. There were those who believed the bridge was haunted by the spirit of a young woman who had lost her life at the helm when the ship was pulled to the Delta Quadrant by the Caretaker. Chakotay shivered as the console creaked again, but a part of him felt that even the company of a ghost would be welcome as he waited all alone to see if this mission was a success.

* * *

"Report," Kathryn said as she entered the unfamiliar bridge of The Homebird. There were only a dozen people present as all unrequired crewmembers and civilians were in adjoining rooms.

Justin responded. "We are waiting the arrival of Commander Tuvok and Lieutenant Riley. Everyone else is on board."

"Acknowledged." Kathryn then hit her commbadge. "Janeway to Torres. We are awaiting only the arrival of Commander Tuvok and Lieutenant Riley. We will then be ready to leave. Stand by."

The connection terminated and Seven spoke. "Commander Tuvok and Lieutenant Riley are now on board."

Kathryn went over to the large brown central chair that had clearly been designated as belonging to the leader by the Moralyn, and sat down.

The tension on the bridge was suffocating. No one spoke, no one moved. Every second that passed seemed an eternity and Kathryn could endure it no longer. She got to her feet and paced the room.

"Mr Kim, are all primary systems operating to maximum capacity?"

"Yes, Captain," he replied.

"What about inertial dampers?"

"Fully efficient."

"Structural integrity?"

"One hundred percent."

She paced again and couldn't help hope that some problem would be found so they could abort the mission. She was just about to ask about life-support when the doors to the bridge opened and Tuvok entered.

"Welcome aboard," Justin said.

Tuvok gave an acknowledging nod and then went over to his assigned console. Everyone then fixed their eyes on their captain.

For the first time in her life, Kathryn flinched under their gaze and for a moment felt as though she was going to collapse beneath the weight of it. But she didn't. She simply went over to her seat and sat down. The arm rests were strong, solid, and Kathryn gripped them firmly. She then closed her eyes and forced her lips to say the word that would probably put hundreds of light years between her and the man she loved.

"Engage."

There was a soft roar as engines came online and then the ship began to move.

* * *

Chakotay watched from Voyager's bridge as The Homebird moved slowly. It then gathered speed and in seconds was gone. Only rainbow asteroids glittered before him.

A tear ran down Chakotay's face, but mixed with the pain was the knowledge that at last, at long long last, Voyager's crew were on their way home and Kathryn's mission would soon be complete.

* * *

Swirls of blue and white light filled the viewscreen. Kathryn kept her eyes fixed on them, forcing herself to focus... to observe and focus.

Harry spoke. "2.3...4...5... minutes."

Kathryn got to her feet as they entered the most perilous part of the mission.

"Taking us out of transwarp," Tom said.

Seven spoke next. "Warp core has been ejected..."

Kathryn gripped the back of her chair as the ship shook from turbulence, but as the swirls on the viewscreen decreased in intensity, so too the turbulence. At last, the swirls dissipated into the familiar view of streaming stars, and then gradually came to a standstill.

For a moment, no one did or said anything. Then Kathryn turned to Tuvok.

"Our location?"

Tuvok worked his console and then responded. "0.8 light years from earth."

Lieutenant Hillman then spoke. "We're being hailed...Starfleet Command."

Kathryn turned to the viewscreen. "On screen."

Admiral Carter, Admiral Paris, and a man she didn't recognize appeared on screen. Admiral Carter was about to speak but swallowed when he saw who he was in communication with.

"Captain Janeway?"

"Sorry to surprise you," she said, forcing herself into captain mode.

"Why are you in an alien vessel?"

"It's a long story. But I assure you all is legitimate."

The man smiled. "Then I look forward to hearing your tale."

"We've exhausted the ship and our resources in getting to the Federation and have had to eject the warp core. We need assistance."

"We'll send a ship to you as soon as we can and a squadron to take charge of the alien vessel."

"Thank you, Sir."

He smiled. "Welcome home."

The link terminated.

Kathryn turned to Tuvok. "Inform everyone what is happening."

"Yes, Captain," he answered.

She turned to her right. "Lieutenant Hillman. Starfleet Command are taking possession of this ship. Make sure your people have collected all the personal belongings they want before we vacate."

"Yes, Captain," he answered.

Kathryn returned to her seat, but it was a bad idea to do nothing. Images of Chakotay invaded her mind and she had to fight against them. She couldn't allow herself to think of him. She had to be the captain, had to be strong...

"We're being hailed again."

"On screen."

The face of Jean-Luc Picard appeared. He smiled. "Captain Janeway. Welcome home."

"Thank you."

"We are informed you require assistance."

"Yes. We exhausted the ship and our resources in returning to the Federation. In short, we are stranded."

"We have just entered transporter range. I will send my First Officer to help oversee transportation of your crew."

"Thank you."

"I look forward to hearing more about your return."

The connection terminated.

Talk filled the bridge and somberness changed slowly to excitement and anticipation. They had done it, they were home. But Kathryn felt numb inside. Her heart was hundreds of light years away. The joyful chatter around her seemed suffocating and she couldn't take it anymore. She turned to her left.

"Lieutenant Hillman, you have the bridge. Tuvok, meet William Riker when he arrives and help prepare the crew for transportation."

"Yes, Captain," they said in unison.

Without another word, Kathryn left the bridge.

* * *

Justin followed Kathryn from the bridge and caught up with in the corridor outside.

"Where are you going?"

"To Engineering."

"What for?"

"To see how things are there. Now we're severed from Voyager, our internal comm system won't work..."

Justin caught her arm, forcing her to stop. "You've just lost your husband. You need to..."

"I need to keep busy," she answered. "And I haven't lost him. We've just been separated for a while."

"Kathryn..."

She shook him loose. "Excuse me..."

With that, she continued to walk down the corridor and Justin knew it was futile to follow.

* * *

Smoke hung in the air in engineering and several crew members were extinguishing fires. When she saw her captain enter the room, B'Elanna went over to her and pulled her back into the corridor outside.

"All systems have burnt out," she said, coughing lightly. "But it's all under control."

Kathryn knew the question she was going to ask was pointless, but she had to ask it anyway. "What are the chances of being able to use this ship again?"

"Engineering is wrecked, Captain," B'Elanna replied. "And as we have no way of reproducing their technology, there's no way of flying this ship again."

There was a sadness in her voice and Kathryn didn't see the tears in the half-Klingon's eyes for the ones in her own. But she fought to suppress them.

"When you've done all you can here, report to the bridge. The Enterprise-E has come for us and transportation is probably commencing as we speak."

"Yes, Captain," B'Elanna replied.

* * *

From the window in his ready room, Captain Jean-Luc Picard looked out at the curious looking alien vessel that had brought the famous crew of the USS Voyager home. Even if it was useless as a space ship now, it was still of infinite value to the Federation in what it could reveal about the secrets of transwarp travel.

The door chime sounded, and he turned away from the window.

"Come in."

The doors opened and Captain Kathryn Janeway came in.

Jean-Luc smiled and went over to her, holding out his hand to her. Kathryn took his hand and he shook it firmly.

"This is a great honor," he said sincerely. "Like so many people, I have followed with interest your journey in the Delta Quadrant, and have been both inspired and moved by the courage and determination you have all displayed."

"Thank you," Kathryn replied.

"But I have to say," he continued, "when we lost contact with you several months ago, we feared the worst." He smiled. "Can I get you a drink?"

"No," Kathryn replied, "thank you."

Jean-Luc looked again at the alien vessel outside. "So, tell me. How did you obtain that alien vessel? It's quite impressive."

"We found it occupied by humans in an asteroid zone."

"Humans?"

"A species named the Moralyn visit the Federation in cloaked ships searching for the bodies of those drowned or frozen to death. Or at least they did twenty years ago. They revive them for experimentation." She paused. "As it happens, my father was on that ship."

"That's incredible."

"Yes. He and his comrades were trying to make it home, but their warp core failed eight years ago and they were stranded. We used Voyager's warp core to empower the ship to get home."

"What a double blessing, to find your father and get the crew home."

Kathryn made no reply, but tears welled in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

Jean-Luc took her hand in his. "It's alright. I can't imagine what you've been through all these years. The responsibility on your shoulders must have weighed very heavily."

She nodded.

"And you must be concerned about the fate of the Maquis. But I wouldn't worry too much on that score. My feeling is they will be pardoned. "The Dominion war has taken a heavy toll and we had to recruit ex-Maquis members to fight. I doubt old wounds will be deliberately opened by bringing your Maquis crew-members to trial. They will probably be invited to rejoin Starfleet."

The door chime sounded and Jean-Luc called out. "Come in."

Deanna Troi came in. She went over to her captain and handed him a padd. He read it, closed his eyes, and then handed it back. As Deanna left, he turned again to Kathryn. "I had no idea. My God, Kathryn, I'm so sorry."

"I don't want to talk about it," she answered quietly. "If I do, I'll..."

"I understand." He put his hand on her shoulder. "How about I give you a tour of this new ship of ours?"

Kathryn gave a wan smile, grateful for his understanding and assistance. "Thank you."

* * *

Miles and miles of lonely space stretched out before Chakotay on the screen in Voyager's astrometrics. For hours he had been combing through sector after sector of space incase the mission had been aborted and The Homebird was stranded close by. But he could find no sign of it. If the mission had been aborted and the ship was stranded, they were all too many light years away for him to do anything about it.

* * *

Spectacular fireworks lit the San Francisco skyline and crowds cheered as The Enterprise-E came into view.

With Jean-Luc Picard, Kathryn looked out in surprise from the ship's view point at the throngs of people who had gathered to welcome her crew home.

"As I said," Jean-Luc said warmly. "Many people have been following Voyager's journey."

The ship gently landed and streams of fireworks filled the black sky now.

"Come on," Jean-Luc smiled. "It's time to lead your crew one last time."

* * *

The cheering was deafening as Voyager's long lost crew disembarked The Enterprise-E. Family members waited on the ground to greet their loved ones and joyfully embraced them as they were reunited. From the top of the disembarkment steps, Kathryn watched. For years she had dreamt of this moment, but now it all seemed detached somehow, as though she was only a spectator, not a participant.

Slowly she began to walk down the silver steps and Ella and Celes followed, carrying Silvie and Stevie. Petal was with Naomi and her father had disembarked inconspicuously with the crew of The Homebird. Kathryn was going to tell her family about finding him before introducing him. It would be better that way, give them a chance to prepare. It would be as much of a shock to them as it had been to her.

As she reached the ground, a small group of people approached: her mother, her sister, brother-in-law, her little niece Katy, and her old Aunt Martha.

Before she knew what was happening, her mother had taken her in her arms and was holding her tight.

Kathryn then embraced the rest of the group and introduced them to Silvie and Stevie. Her mother wept as she looked at her beautiful grandchildren and kissed them both tenderly.

"There's someone else you all need to say hello too," Kathryn said.. "The alien ship we came home on belonged to a species called the Moralyn. For years they've been visiting the Federation and taking the bodies of humans drowned or frozen to death to be revived for experimental use. A number of captives managed to escape and were trying to use the ship to get back to earth." She paused. "Daddy was among them."

Gretchen's face paled and her lip trembled. "Your father?"

Kathryn nodded. "He's not dead, Mom. He's very much alive..." She looked around and saw her father watching them from a distance. "In fact, he's right over there..."

She gestured with her hand and everyone turned to look at him. Gretchen raised her hand to her mouth when she saw him, and her whole body trembled. "My Edward," she whispered.

Edward slowly bridged the distance between them and without a word took his wife in his arms and held her tight.

* * *

Music and laughter filled the grand hall at Starfleet's Headquarters. A rainbow of flags representing every planet in the Federation hung from the high ceiling and long windows overlooked the city of San Francisco. Kathryn stood in a corner of the room with her sister and watched as happy couples danced. Apart from a somber mood amongst the senior and bridge staff, it was almost as though Chakotay was forgotten already. But then he had always been a quiet man, kept pretty much to himself. His sacrifice wasn't personal to so many crew-members and over the years many of their comrades and friends, even lovers, had died on the journey home. This grief was mainly her grief ... except perhaps B'Elanna's. Her eyes found B'Elanna and she studied the half-Klingon. She was equally as sullen and was gazing absently into a glass of champagne in her hands.

"Just one interview," Phoebe said. "The press will leave you alone then."

"No," Kathryn answered.

"You can demand to know the questions beforehand..."

"No," Kathryn said again. "I'm not talking to them."

They would ask about how she got the crew home, would ask about Chakotay. She couldn't bear it.

"People are waiting to hear from you. They want to hear from you."

"I said no," Kathryn cried. "Now, let it be!"

Suddenly the music stopped and people gathered on the stage. As everyone focussed their attention on Admiral Paris, silence filled the room.

"I have a very special announcement to make," he said with a smile. "Because of the years of devoted service on board Voyager by all Maquis members, it has been decided that no charges will be brought against any of you and you are all welcome to rejoin Starfleet."

Cheers filled the room.

"Further more, we wish to honor certain individuals for their outstanding achievements over the past seven years. Will the following people please come on stage: Ensign Lyssa Campbell. Ensign Vorik. Ensign Harry Kim..."

To encouraging applause, the young ensigns ascended the stage and formed a line. Admiral Paris continued to call out names, Tom and B'Elanna's amongst them.

At any other time, Kathryn's would have watched with joy and pride as her brave officers lined up for what was evidently a promotion, but now that joy was buried by Chakotay's absence.

"Captain Janeway, please come on stage."

The words registered with Kathryn, but it was a moment before she acted on them and joined her officers on the stage.

"This is all a bit impromtu," Admiral Paris smiled as an aide appeared carrying a box containing pips. "but special circumstances warrant special occurrences. Captain Janeway, please step forward."

Kathryn dutifully stepped forward.

"For your determination in getting your crew home against almost impossible odds, you are hereby promoted to Admiral."

The crowd applauded and Admiral Paris informally put his hand on her shoulder. "Congratulations."

He then moved down the row and the crowd continued to cheer as he promoted Tom and B'Elanna to Lieutenant Commander's, and Harry Kim to Lieutenant.

Kathryn looked out at the crowd and saw the former Maquis members of her crew hug each other as they celebrated their newly given freedom. She was happy for them, but the vision stung her heart because of the one who should have been celebrating it with them.

At last, music once more filled the air and the newly promoted officers began to leave the stage. Kathryn was only too glad to step out of the limelight and into the relative obscurity of the crowd. Most of the attention was on Seven of Nine, the Doctor, Icheb, Roxa and Vixi because of their uniqueness, and she was so glad of that.

Nevertheless, there was a line of people waiting to congratulate her as she stepped off the stage. Kathryn made her way through them all, smiling and thanking them, but inside her heart was breaking.

"This is wonderful," Phoebe said, embracing her sister when Kathryn at last returned to her family. "Congratulations."

"I'm very proud of you, Kathryn" her father said. "And I'm glad that Starfleet are proud too..."

Kathryn smiled, but tears welled in her eyes. "Excuse me," she said quietly. And with that she left the room.

* * *

Alone in a side room, Kathryn sat by a table and wept painfully. She was glad the Maquis had been exonerated, it truly was wonderful news, but the pain inside was unbearable. Chakotay had sacrificed himself for nothing. It should have been her who stayed behind, should have been her... Playing with the ring he had given her, she looked up at the window and out at the black sky full of stars. Somewhere beyond them was Chakotay. So far away and so alone...

But he would come back to her. She had to believe that. And she would wait for him. No matter how long it took, even to the end of her life. She wouldn't break her promise to him. And she knew he wouldn't break his promise to her either. He had never broken a promise to her. Never. He would return. One day he would return and they would be together again.

* * *

Chakotay looked at the picture of Kathryn in his hands and touched her face tenderly. He then looked up at the window of asteroids before him and focussed on the small image of Voyager in the distance.

Then, there was a mighty explosion, and all that was left of Voyager was scattered debris.

**END OF PART TWO**


	35. Eclipse

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR**

**ECLIPSE**

Autumn in Indiana was chilly. Wrapped in a warm woolen white cardigan, Kathryn walked onto the porch of her childhood home and looked out at the land around her in the bronze morning sun. Everything looked just the same as she remembered. It was as though time had left this part of the world untouched. The swing she had always sat on as a young girl was still hanging to the left of the porch, and to her right were the two rocking chairs her mother and father had sit in on warm summer nights. Kathryn walked over to the swing and sat down. Petal, who had followed her mistress out of the house, jumped up next to her and curled into a warm ball.

"Like stepping into a memory."

Kathryn turned around and saw her father in the doorway. He was dressed in loose black trousers and like her was wrapped in a thick woolen white cardigan.

"I would often sit out here at dawn when you and Phoebe were children. It was so quiet and peaceful."

"I used to sit out here at night," Kathryn said. "The stars would shine so brightly, like diamonds. Sometimes they seemed so close that I could almost touch them."

Her father walked over to her and sat on a thin bench that run the length of the wall. "I've missed being here so much. In many ways it's hard to believe that I really am here."

"Like a dream," Kathryn said quietly. "Like we've fallen through time or awoken into another reality. It's hard to believe that this time yesterday we were hundreds of light years away with no knowledge of what the day would bring." She paused. "For so long I wanted to get the crew home, but I never thought how difficult it would be to say goodbye. We became so much more than a crew. Now everyone is going their separate ways. Tuvok's on his way to Vulcan, Celes to Bajor, Seven's staying with her aunt, the Doctor with Reg Barclay and Harry with his parents." She paused. "And then there's Chakotay..."

Edward looked at his daughter sadly. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I'm sorry that finding me meant losing your husband."

"I haven't lost him," she answered. "Everyone keeps saying that but it isn't true. We've just been separated for a while." Tears welled in her eyes. "And I'm not sorry we found you, Daddy. How could I be? I'm just sorry that Chakotay didn't come home with us. But he will. One day he'll come home."

Her father made no reply to that. Chakotay was so far away and so alone. He didn't think there was much chance of him ever coming home. But if belief gave Kathryn hope, then it couldn't do much harm to let her believe...

"It must be stranger for you," Kathryn went on. "We were only out there seven years. You were on that ship for almost twenty."

"But my heart was always here," he replied. "Every night in my dreams I would be back here. You and Phoebe would be playing with Ceres and your mother and I would be watching from this porch."

Kathryn turned to look at the land again. "I returned here so many times in my dreams too. Sometimes I would be a child again, other times I'd be here with Justin or Mark. Sometimes I'd dream of bringing Chakotay here and Silvie and Stevie."

Her father smiled. "I would never have imagined you and Hobbes as a couple. He was so..." he searched for the word, "bland."

Kathryn couldn't help smile. "That was part of the appeal." She then fell serious. "He was "safe". He was predictable, stable, and as a civilian he'd never be sent on dangerous missions. After what happened to you and Justin, I needed that." She paused. "I'm glad he's met someone else and I hope that he's happy, I really do. I hope Justin meets someone else too. He so deserves too. It's not going to be easy for him to adjust to life back on Earth or to go back to Starfleet. So much has changed technologically and politically in twenty years."

"Yes. But I'm sure he'll manage. He's very resilient."

"He left early from the celebrations last night and I don't think mentioned where he was going. He might have, but everything was so overwhelming. I didn't take in half of what people were telling me."

"He's gone to stay with his mother-in-law in Austria," her father clarified. "He wants Heidi to get to know her maternal grandmother.

"I see. Did he mention whether he's planning to return to Starfleet?"

"Yes. He said he's going to try for a position on the ground." He paused. "What are your plans for today, Goldenbird?"

"Starfleet Command wishes to debrief me this morning, but I'm told it shouldn't take too long. After that I want to find out what's happening with the frozen babies. A message has been sent to their nearest of kin informing them of the situation and, while it's early days, I want to see if there have been any responses. I especially want to know whether Martina Radcliffe will want her baby boy. Lieutenants Sonia and Paul Marshall have been looking after him, and want to give him a home if she isn't interested. They are unable to have a child of their own." She paused. "They were the first couple I married on Voyager. The first couple I ever married."

"Quite a privilege, isn't it, to unite two people in matrimony?"

"Yes," Kathryn answered. "A great honor." She paused. "This afternoon I want to visit Roxa and Ella Martin to see what's happening with them and how they are settling in. Then I want to start house hunting. Aunt Martha tells me there's an old manor house vacant near Lake Griffy that's available for immediate occupation, so I want to find out about that and arrange a viewing.

A joy filled her father's eyes. "You've decided to stay in Bloomington?"

"Yes. I would like to raise Silvie and Stevie here. It's such a beautiful part of the world and it will be good for them to be close to family."

Her father smiled. "Your mother will be absolutely delighted. She's so family orientated and has always loved children. For so long we thought we weren't going to have any, but then you came along and Phoebe. She always hoped there would be another little Janeway, but it wasn't meant to be. I know that being a part of the twins lives will mean a lot to her."

Kathryn nodded. "I missed Mom a lot when I was in the Delta Quadrant, but never more than when Silvie and Stevie arrived. I knew how much she would adore them and I wanted so much for her to share in all that was happening."

"Just wait until we tell her about the two Janeway juniors in storage... "

Kathryn smiled. "Yes. We might need smelling salts..."

Her father then became serious. "But it won't be easy raising four children by yourself."

"I won't be by myself. I'll have you and Mom and Phoebe. And Chakotay might be home by then. We planned on waiting a few years before awakening them."

Her father looked out to the land, gazing at the simple beauty and pondering the course of life. "It's strange how life turns out," he said thoughtfully. "I always thought it would be Phoebe with the brood of children. To be honest, I never thought you would have any."

"After we were stranded in the Delta Quadrant, neither did I," Kathryn replied. "I'd always wanted a child, but at the same time, I'd always wanted to explore space. I knew that having the first would severely limit the second, so when Mark wasn't keen on having a child, it didn't worry me too much. I could further my career, do what I wanted to do, and then have a child later in life if he changed his mind. It seemed I had years left. Then we got stranded and having a child was no longer a real option." She smiled lightly. "Until events took care of themselves, that is, and Silvie and Stevie came into being." She got to her feet. "And speaking of the terrible two, they'll be needing a feed soon. I'd better go and prepare their bottles... real, not replicated."

As she got up, Petal did too and jumped from the swing.

Her father questioned. "Have you had breakfast?"

"Not yet."

"Then how about I make us some pancakes? Real, not replicated?"

Kathryn smiled. "That would be good."

With that, she disappeared back into the house and Petal followed.

* * *

As expected, the debriefing was over within an hour. Most of what Starfleet Command wished to know about Voyager's journey in the Delta Quadrant they already did from logs and files previously transmitted home. Most of the decisions Kathryn had made, and the actions she'd taken, Starfleet Command were happy with. There were only a few incidents she was asked to explain or elaborate upon, such as events surrounding The Equinox and Unimatrix Zero. Kathryn explained her actions to the best of her ability and the Admirals seemed to appreciate that the uniqueness of their situation made bending the rules on occasion necessary. Given the opposition to her marriage by so many the year before, she had expected a question or two on the subject, but there were none. The only mention of her personal life was made by Admiral Carter, and that was in the form of an apology for his former misjudgment. He also commended her for the courage she had displayed in getting the crew home despite personal sacrifice.

As everyone departed the room, Admiral Michael Egerton came up to her.

"Admiral Carter speaks for us all. I think we all equally admire the way you were able to separate personal and professional feelings to get your crew home. It's not something every Starfleet Captain could have done. You have my uttermost respect and regard."

"Thank you," Kathryn replied.

"And however long a leave you feel you need, we gladly extend to you. I'm sure there are a lot of things you need to sort out."

"Yes," Kathryn answered. "But I don't want to stay off work too long. I'm looking forward to the challenges of being an Admiral and would like to return to work as soon as I can."

He smiled. "And I look forward to working with you."

With that he left the room, leaving Kathryn alone with her old mentor, Admiral Paris.

"How do you really feel about being an Admiral?" He asked, bridging the gap between them. "A desk job doesn't appeal to everyone."

"I'm very glad of the promotion," Kathryn said honestly. "In different circumstances I might not have been, but a captain's role is to captain a ship. With two small children, that's not something I really want to do. I feel very honored to be promoted to the Admiralty and I can transport home to be with my children every day."

"You probably know more about our galaxy than anyone at Starfleet Command. Not to mention about the Borg. You're going to be highly sought after." He looked at her, his eyes moist. "I knew there was something special about you the first time we met. You had a rare passion for your work and an incredible intelligence. I'm very proud that you chose me to be your mentor."

"Thank you," Kathryn said, touched at his words.

He put his hand on her shoulder. "And thank you for taking care of my son. He's a changed man. That's all down to you."

"All I did was give him an opportunity. Everything he's achieved, he's done by himself."

"No," Admiral Paris answered. "You gave him more than that. You gave him trust and you gave him faith in himself. You succeeded where I failed. I never trusted him, I only criticized him. And I never gave him faith in himself, I only gave him doubt." He paused. "I only hope that I can make it up to him in the years we have left."

"I'm sure any past difference are long forgotten," Kathryn said. "That's the wonderful thing about family. And I'm sure you'll both dote on little Miral with equal measure."

"I'm sure we will."

Kathryn lowered her eyes. "Yesterday was, well, a difficult day for me. I know I didn't pay as much attention to the reunions as I should have. Did B'Elanna hear from her mother?"

"No, but she received news about her. Apparently she went on some Klingon spiritual quest after Voyager was lost in the hope of her daughter returning safely. By all accounts it's a brutal challenge and she never returned from it. Had B'Elanna returned home a little sooner, she could have been given her mothers possessions before they were ritually burnt, but it's now too late."

"I'm sorry," Kathryn said. "She was hoping so much to make things up with her mother. If it's alright with you, I'll pay her a visit this evening."

"There would be no point. She and Tom have already left with Miral for Boreth. B'Elanna wants to learn more about her mother's fate. She's not convinced she's dead."

"If she isn't, B'Elanna will find her. I have no doubt about that."

"What about you? Have you been able to get in contact with everyone you want too?"

"To be honest, I haven't tried. Most people have come to me. But I haven't heard from Chakotay's sister, his cousin, or my friend Abigail Tanner."

"I can't speak for Chakotay's family, but I know that Abigail Tanner is commanding a ship in deep space. She's out of communication range temporarily and we don't expect her and the crew home for at least another three months."

"I see," Kathryn replied. "I'm glad she finally made it to captain. She really wanted to command her own ship one day." She paused. "From what I hear, a lot of people have returned to their home planets in the demilitarized zone. If Chakotay's sister has returned there with her family, and his cousin, then it's going to be very difficult to track them down. No modern technology is allowed in his tribe."

"When we lost contact with you a few months ago, a lot of relatives sent us letters to pass onto you if communication became possible again. If Chakotay's sister and cousin have returned to their home planet, they may have told him about it in a letter. Let's go to my office and I'll see what I can find."

* * *

Admiral Paris's office was very different to how Kathryn remembered. The furniture was arranged differently and the whole room was much more bright and inviting. Admiral Paris gestured for her to take a seat before his desk, and then sat down himself. He switched on his computer monitor and logged in.

"Over three hundred personal letters altogether," he said, having accessed the information he wanted. "No doubt we would have got round to sending them out eventually, even though most are probably irrelevant now. But I suppose some might contain important information so it's best that I arrange for them to be sent today." He looked through more data. "There are five for you. Two are from your mother and sister, and one from a Martha Janeway."

"My aunt," Kathryn clarified.

"There's one for Chakotay, but I don't know whether the name is male or female. It's from a Sekaya."

"That's his sister." She paused. "How old is it?"

"Just over eight months." He picked up a padd, switched it on, and then worked the keyboard of his computer. "I'm downloading it to this padd. It shouldn't take..." He smiled. "All done."

He handed the padd to Kathryn and she took it. But instead of reading it, she just stared at the small screen that contained Chakotay's name.

"You don't have to read it now," Admiral Paris said. "Take it away with you."

"I'm just wondering if I should read it," she said quietly. "It's addressed to Chakotay. It doesn't seem right."

"It might be the only link you have to his sister's whereabouts. I'd say that justifies reading it."

Kathryn nodded. She opened the letter and began to read. As she did so, tears welled in her eyes.

Admiral Paris questioned. "Is everything alright?"

"It's Chakotay's mother," Kathryn said quietly. "Enola. She's still alive. He thought she was killed in the massacre of his tribe." She paused. "In her last communication with Chakotay, Sekaya said she was planning on returning to their native planet for a visit. Like Chakotay, she had left the tribe to pursue a different kind of life. In this letter, she says that when she arrived there, she found out that more people had survived the slaughter than was thought. Their mother was amongst them. She found her living in a hut on the site of their former village. Sekaya says that she and her family are returning to Trebus to help rebuild their village and community, and that their cousin is joining them. As this was written some months ago, she must be on Trebus by now." She paused again. "I'll have to go there. I'll have to explain to them what has happened and introduce them to Silvie and Stevie." She didn't even know if they knew about Silvie and Stevie. While Sekaya lived in a commune that allowed comminucation technology and modern conveniences, they were still relatively isolated from the rest of the Federation. Chakotay had wanted to tell her in person about the babies when it was his turn to speak to family back home, but they had lost contact with the Federation before his turn arrived.

"Is it safe to go there?"

"Yes. The Cardassians no longer occupy the planet."

Cardassians. That triggered another memory..

"And talking of Cardassians," she said, "I remember about my pregnancy. The Doctor restored my memories when I began to have flashbacks when I was pregnant with Silvie and Stevie."

"I wondered," he answered. "Suppressed memories do often begin returning in the form of flashbacks." He paused. "How do you feel about it? A lot of people feel that involuntary suppression of memories is a violation."

"I understand why you all felt it was necessary, but at the same time I feel it was wrong to deprive me of all memory of my son."

"For what it's worth," he said. "I wasn't in favor of it. Your family knew you on a personal level, but I knew you on both a personal and a professional level. And, knowing you as well as I did, I didn't feel you would do something to end your own life while you were on a mission to save others. But, as so very few people knew of your pregnancy, because of the circumstances surrounding it and the privacy you wanted, suppressing your memories of events was a realistic option and your family were adamant that it was the right thing to do. I ultimately felt I had to respect their wishes as they were your family, not I."

"And you were right. I didn't try to take my own life. I got lost on the planet and fell."

"That was my thought." He paused. "But your family did truly believe they were acting in your best interest. It wasn't an easy decision for them."

"I'm sure it wasn't. But I'm glad to have those memories back." She paused. "Again, subject hopping, have we had any responses from the biological parents or next of kin of the babies retrieved from the Moralyn Home world?"

"Yes. I believe we've had several."

"Any thing from Martina Radcliffe?"

"I believe she's expected this morning. I've referred her case and all others to Admiral Sarah Parker. I think she's more suited to the delicacy of the situation than I am." He smiled. "I'm fully aware of my reputation. I wouldn't want to frighten unsuspecting civilians."

Kathryn smiled and was about to speak when an automated voice spoke first. "Incoming transmission."

At that Kathryn got to her feet. "I'll leave you to it, Sir." She gestured to the padd in her hands. "And thank you."

"There's no need to leave," he said. "If my guess is right, this is a transmission you'll be very interested in."

He turned his attention to the screen. "Acknowledge transmission."

As communication was established, he smiled. "Good day, Ambassador. I have someone very special to speak with you today."

He turned the monitor around to face Kathryn and she gasped when she recognized the face before her.

"Neelix..."

Voyager's once resident Talaxian beamed a happy smile when he saw her. "Captain," he said joyfully. "You made it home! Oh this is wonderful, so wonderful!" He turned away and called out to those with him. "The Captain is home. Voyager is home..."

Applause was heard behind him and Neelix turned again to face her. "We've been so worried, Captain. We didn't know what had happened to you."

"We lost contact with you and the Federation," Kathryn explained. "We came to Borg space and had to drastically change course."

"How did you get home? Did you find a wormhole or did someone help you?"

"We found a ship in an asteroid zone that was transwarp capable but had no functioning warp-core. We used Voyager's warp core to power the ship and returned home in it."

"So you didn't return in Voyager?"

"No. We had to leave her behind." She paused, the words painful to say. "Chakotay stayed with her to destroy the ship if our mission was successful. He's making his way home alone."

The joy in Neelix's eyes faded. "I'm so sorry, Captain. I know you wouldn't have left him behind unless there was no other way."

Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes. "It was either him or me. Because his future in the Federation was so uncertain, we decided it had to be him... for Silvie and Stevie's sake."

There was a moment of heavy silence. Then Neelix spoke. "I have wondered so much about your babies. I knew that if you were all still alive, and I hoped so much that you were, they would have to be born now."

"Yes," Kathryn answered, glad of the change of subject. "They were born a little earlier than expected, but they're doing just fine. Stevie was born deaf, but the Doctor's put a device in his ears that helps him to hear."

Neelix smiled softly. "I'm so glad, Captain. The Doctor always knows what to do." He paused. "How are Naomi and Seven? Naomi must be so happy to finally be with her father."

"I'm sure she is. As to Seven, she's gone to stay with her aunt. Harry's staying with his parents and Tuvok's on his way home to Vulcan. We only got back yesterday so there's a lot of adjustment for everyone."

The connection began to break.

"Looks like our time is up, Captain," Neelix said. "Speak to you..."

The screen sizzled and then went blank.

Kathryn looked up at Admiral Paris. "It didn't occur to me that you'd be able to communicate with Neelix the same way you were able to communicate with Voyager. I never thought we'd see or hear from him again. This is just wonderful..."

"The thought didn't occur to us until very recently either. Well, I say us, it was actually Reginald Barclay's idea. It took us a while to perfect, but we were finally able to make contact last month." He paused. "Neelix and his people asked to become a Federation colony in the Delta Quadrant and that was actualized. Once a week, Neelix will make a report to us. All necessary communication and data will be transferred as need arises during the eleven minutes contact time we have with the Delta Quadrant every day."

A lump gathered in Kathryn's throat. "Then it looks like the post of Ambassador I gave him is more appropriate than we thought."

Admiral Paris smiled. "It certainly is."

* * *

A young female ensign with short blonde hair was standing outside Admiral Parker's office when Kathryn arrived there. She was slouching and studying her finger nails but stood at full attention when she saw someone approach. Her eyes widened in awe when she recognized the auburn haired woman before her and couldn't help stare.

"Something wrong with my appearance, Ensign?" Kathryn teased as she reached the door.

"No, Sir," the young girl said. "Sorry, Sir."

"I don't like to be called Sir," Kathryn kindly corrected, "Admiral will suffice." She was about to say Captain, but remembered just in time.

"Yes, Admiral."

"What's your name?"

"Ensign Janine Walters."

"Are you waiting to see Admiral Parker?"

"No, Admiral. I'm waiting to escort a civilian couple who are presently with her to the transporter zone."

"I see. Was one of the civilians called Martina Radcliffe?"

"I think that was her name."

"Thank you." Kathryn turned to the door and was about to ring the door chime when the girl spoke again.

"You're Captain Janeway, aren't you? I mean, were..."

Kathryn turned back to her. "Yes," she answered. "I'm Kathryn Janeway."

"I think you're amazing," the girl said sincerely, "we all do. The way you kept your crew alive in the Delta Quadrant and got them home is just incredible."

"Thank you," Kathryn replied.

The girl reached into the pocket of her uniform jacket and pulled out a small paper pad and a pen. "Please may I have your autograph?"

Kathryn raised her eyebrow curiously. She had been asked many unusual things in her career, but never for her autograph!

The girl swallowed. "If it's not too much trouble..."

"No trouble at all," Kathryn said.

The girl smiled and handed Kathryn the pen and paper. As Kathryn signed her name, the girl spoke again. "Could I also have one for my sister?"

"Of course," Kathryn said, flipping the page over and signing her name again.

"And, if you could, for my cousin Rodney."

Kathryn looked up at the girl, slightly amused. "How many more?"

"Just one for my friend Lydia."

Kathryn signed two more pages and then handed them back to the delighted girl.

"Thank you so much, Admiral," she smiled.

The doors to the office suddenly opened and a tall, thin, black woman who had to be Martina Radcliffe emerged from inside. She was holding her baby in her arms and her eyes were moist from tears. A black man followed her, evidently her husband, and appeared equally as emotional.

"You must be Martina Radcliffe," Kathryn said warmly. "I'm Kathryn Janeway."

The woman smiled joyfully. "Captain Janeway, I am glad to see you. Thank you so much for bringing my baby home to me. My husband and I have been trying for a baby for many years but without success. We are so happy to have this baby, my son. It is a dream come true. Thank you so much."

"It's really Lieutenant Tighe and Lieutenant Hillman you should thank," Kathryn said modestly. "They're the ones who rescued him."

"I thank all of you," the woman said. "They might have rescued him but you brought him home. My husband thanks you all too."

The man held his hand out to Kathryn and spoke as she reciprocated. "It truly is an honor to meet you, Captain."

"Likewise," Kathryn said. "And I wish you all much happiness."

When the new parents had left with Ensign Walters, Admiral Parker showed Kathryn into her office.

"I've been asked many strange things in my career," Kathryn said as the doors shut, "but never for my autograph!"

Admiral Parker laughed. "Did young Miss Walters ask you?"

"Yes," Kathryn replied. "And conveniently had a pen and paper to hand."

"I'm not surprised. She's a big admirer of yours." She smiled. "You'll have to get used to it. You're quite a celebrity now." She went over to the replicator. "Coffee? tea?"

"No, thank you."

Admiral Parker replicated herself a cup of coffee and picked it up as soon as it had materialized.

"Responses have been coming in faster that we anticipated they would," she said, going over to a comfortable looking gray couch in a sunny corner of the room. "Most have been positive with the next of kin wanting to raise the child, but there have been several negative responses too which means an adoptive family will need to be found. Paul and Sonia Marshall have already expressed a desire to adopt a baby, but everything will need to be done through official channels." She gestured for Kathryn to sit, which she did. "The Doctor tells me you're aware that two of the fetuses are yours and that you want to raise them."

"Yes," Kathryn answered, "but I'd like to wait a while."

"Then you'll need to arrange with your doctor for the fetuses to be kept in secure clinical storage. Under Federation law, they are considered human beings and must be strictly accounted for. It's most likely you will need to specify the maximum time you wish them to be held in storage, and certify your understanding that if you do not exercise their right to life within that time, they are to go to adoptive families."

"I understand," Kathryn answered. "I'll make all the necessary arrangements as soon as possible."

* * *

As Kathryn made her way through a small park between Starfleet Headquarters and the lodgings that had been offered to her homeless crew members, she saw Celes and Ella sitting together on a bench in the sunshine.

"Captain," Celes said, getting to her feet. "I mean Admiral. I was just about to come and look for you. I heard you were here today."

"Well," Kathryn said warmly. "Looks like you've found me."

"I'm leaving for Bajor tomorrow to see my family, but I wanted to talk to you about the possibility of remaining Silvie and Stevie's nanny when I get back."

"I would be delighted for you to continue as their nanny, but what about the teaching career you expressed interest in?"

"That was when I thought we wouldn't get home for a long time. I love being Silvie and Stevie's nanny and would like to continue to be so until they go to school."

Kathryn smiled. "Then considered yourself their nanny."

Celes hugged Kathryn affectionately. "Thank you, Captain. I mean Admiral."

As they drew away, Kathryn turned her attention to Ella. "What about you, Ella? What are your plans now we're home?"

"I've accepted a research position here in San Francisco that will begin next month."

"And Ella and I are going to share an apartment," Celes added happily

"That's wonderful," Kathryn replied, "on both counts."

"Celes will be away for a few weeks," Ella said, "but I'm happy to look after Silvie and Stevie until I start at my new post."

"Thank you," Kathryn answered, "but I'm taking Silvie and Stevie to Chakotay's homeworld to meet his family, which means I'll be away for a while myself." She looked up at Celes. "If you're not back by the time I return, I'm sure my mother or Roxa can look after the twins."

At the mention of Chakotay's name, sorrow filled Celes's eyes. "I'm so sorry about the Commander," she said sadly. "It was so brave of him to stay behind so everyone could get home, but you must be missing him so much."

Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes and she lowered them. To say she missed him was an understatement. She felt only half alive without him, dysfunctional. Never had she realized just how much she loved him, just how much she needed him. It was a love that had given her strength over the years, but oh made her so vulnerable too.

"He'll come back to us," she said quietly. "I have every faith that he will."

"So do I," Celes answered sincerely.

Kathryn nodded. "Well, I... I'd better get on. Lots to do. I'll speak to you both again soon."

"Yes, Admiral," Celes said sadly, and watched as her former captain continued her solitary walk through the park.

* * *

Kathryn stood outside the apartment allocated to Roxa and Vixi and rang the door chime. At first there was no response, but when she rang for a second time, Roxa answered. Her face was tear stained and she stood in the doorway a humble figure.

"Captain," she said, "I mean Admiral. Come in."

Kathryn stepped inside the spacious apartment. "I just called to see how you are," she said. "But from the look of you, not too good."

"Everything is so unfamiliar," she replied. "Life on this planet is so different."

Kathryn put her hand on the woman's shoulder. "It will all become familiar in time, trust me."

"I don't know. While there seems to be a lot of different species, there's still a lot of attention on us. Last night at the celebrations, people were constantly staring at us and talking about us."

"That's because they haven't seen anyone like you and Vixi before. But their interest is friendly interest. Here in the Federation we celebrate all differences. You have nothing to worry about, nothing to fear."

"I am afraid," Roxa replied. "On Voyager I knew my place and I knew my environment. Here I feel lost." Tears flooded her eyes. "I don't know what to do, where to go..."

Kathryn caressed the trembling woman's arm. "How would you like to come and live with me?"

Roxa looked up at her, a brightness filling her pretty pink eyes. "With you?"

"At least until you're more familiar with our culture."

"I would like to very much," she replied, "But Vixi and I couldn't impose..."

"It wouldn't be an imposition. Besides, I'm going to need a housekeeper. I can think of no one more perfect for the job than you. Vixi will be company for Silvie and Stevie, and we will be company for each other. Vixi can go to the same school as my niece, Katy, and I know my mother will adore her."

Roxa smiled through tears. "Then I gladly accept. Thank you."

Kathryn smiled. "Thank you." She paused. "It won't be for a few days, though. I need to find a house first and then make it habitable. I'm going to view one tomorrow. You and Vixi can come along. Afterwards I'll give you a tour of Bloomington. I'm sure you'll like my hometown."

"I'm sure we will."

"I also intend to take Silvie and Stevie to Chakotay's homeworld to meet his family. If you like, you and Vixi can come too. It will be a good way for you to see more of the Federation. It would take eight years to travel the perimeter of Federation space, it's over 8,000 light years, but thankfully most planets are a whole lot closer. It shouldn't take more than a week or so to reach Trebus."

"We'd love to come," Roxa said happily. "Thank you, Admiral."

"Please," Kathryn said kindly, "call me Kathryn. We're not in a command structure anymore."

"Then thank you, Kathryn."

"And in the meantime," Kathryn continued, "you and Vixi can come and stay with my parents and I. I know they'll love to have you."

**END OF CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR**


	36. Horizons

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE**

**HORIZONS**

From the moment Kathryn saw Griffy Manor, she fell completely in love with the imposing gray stone house. It was over a century old and built in true Victorian Gothic style that made it resemble both a castle and a church. An overgrown path led up to a protruding pointed-arched porch in which was a heavy oak door. To each side of the porch were two looming circular towers with tall ornamental spires that seemed to touch the sky. Within the two storey towers were lancet arched windows, and just below the spire gargoyles sat in guard. Above the porch was another arched window that had red and yellow stained glass panes to the top. The roof above was so high pitched that it formed yet another floor with a window matching those of the towers. To the rear of the house, two more spires intermingled with black chimneys.

"It's magnificent," Kathryn said, looking up at the house in awe. "I love it already."

"I don't know," Phoebe said, looking at the building suspiciously. "It looks kind of spooky. No wonder Mr Larson can't find a new owner."

"Not spooky," Kathryn argued, making her way to the door. "Distinctive."

She opened the door, stepped inside, and found herself in a large hallway. There was a staircase before her with a solid oak banister, and rays of white, yellow, and red light seeped down on it from the high stained glass window above. To her right there were four doors stretching down the long hallway, and to her left the same. Kathryn looked around, liking what she saw and the "feel" of the house.

"And it's welcoming" she said, taking in every detail. "I think Chakotay would like it too."

Mr Larson had given her a diagram of the house and Kathryn studied it eagerly as Phoebe, Roxa and Vixi piled into the house. Vixi looked around in wonder. She had never seen a house so big or so beautiful.

"The living room's in here," Kathryn said, making her way into the first room on her left. As she stepped inside, more light greeted her from the large tower window and instantly gave the room a bright and cheerful atmosphere. The walls were smooth, no sign of the rugged exterior stones, and the room was fully equipped with all modern conveniences, while at the same time not losing its sense of elegance. There was a pretty stone fireplace opposite the window that was definitely the focal point of the room.

"Computer," Kathryn said, "display fire."

Instantly, a roaring fire burnt in the hearth.

Vixi wandered over to it and studied it curiously.

"Careful, precious." Roxa said. "Don't get too close."

"It's not real," Kathryn replied. "It's decorative only." She went over to the child and put her hands on her thin shoulders. "How do you like the house so far, sweetheart?"

"A lot, Captain," she smiled. "I mean Kathryn. It's pretty."

Kathryn turned to Phoebe. "There you go, sis. Pretty, not spooky..."

"Looks like I was wrong," Phoebe smiled.

"Come on," Kathryn said. "Let's go and look at the rest of the house."

* * *

As well as the living room, there was a dining room, a study, a music room, a large kitchen, a small bathroom, a lift and a transporter pad downstairs. Upstairs there were six spacious bedrooms, all of them ensuite, and stairs leading to the uppermost floor. Kathryn climbed them, followed by her companions, and came to what appeared to be an observatory. At the rear of the room, the roof was made of fortified panes of clear glass, perfect for looking out at the stars on cold winter nights.

"It's perfect," Kathryn said, "everything is so perfect." She turned to Roxa and Vixi and smiled. "Welcome to your new home."

* * *

It was early evening before Kathryn had finished giving Roxa and Vixi a tour of Bloomington. They stopped off at one of her favorite diners for something to eat, and then returned to her parents house. Gretchen came to meet them and extended her hand to Roxa.

"Welcome, Roxa. It's good to have you here."

"Thank you," Roxa replied.

"I'll show you to your room." She turned to her daughter. "Kathryn, there's someone to see you in the living room."

As her mother ascended the stairs with Roxa and Vixi, Kathryn made her way into the living room.

There, waiting to greet her, was Mark.

"Mark," she said, surprised.

He smiled warmly, but there were tears in his eyes. "Hello, Kathryn." He paused. "I hope it was okay to come."

"Of course," she replied. "It's good to see you."

He opened his arms to her and they embraced warmly.

"I was going to return Molly to you," he said as they drew away, "but I heard that you already have a dog and your mother confirmed it. So I thought I would ask before returning her to you..."

"I appreciate the gesture, Mark, but I really doubt Molly would remember me. You're her family now. It's best she stays with you."

Mark lowered his eyes and was visibly uncomfortable. "I thought you were dead, Kathryn. If I'd known you were still alive, I would have waited."

"Then I'm glad you didn't know," Kathryn said kindly. "I'm glad you moved on with your life." She paused. "My mother says you have a toddler son."

Mark nodded. "Kevin." He paused. "Your mother introduced me to Silvia and Silvesta. They're adorable."

"Thank you."

Mark shifted uncomfortably. "But regardless of how events unfolded, my being a father must seem like a betrayal. For years you tried to convince me to have a child with you and then within two years of marrying someone else I have a son." He paused. "I don't know what to say, Kathryn, except that I'm not the man I was back then. Losing you changed me. It made me take stock of my life, realize what was important and what wasn't. I was determined not to make the same mistakes with Carla as I did with you. I was too selfish, I know. When Carla said she wanted a baby I wasn't going to deny her. And it was the best decision I could have made. I love my son so much."

"People change," Kathryn said quietly. "I'm not the same person I was back then either." She paused. "I remember, Mark. I remember about my baby." Tears welled in her eyes. " How could you ever think we could have a future together when that future was based on ignorance and deceit?"

"Because I loved you," Mark said honestly. "I know I didn't tell you that enough, and I didn't show you enough, but I did. I just didn't know how to express myself that way like you could. I know that I let you down and I'm so very sorry. It just hurt like hell to think what the Cardassians had done to you and I didn't think I could cope with being reminded of that every time I looked at your child." He paused. "I was weak, Kathryn. I should have found a way to cope. You had. You needed me and your child needed me and I let you both down. I'm so ashamed of what I said and how I behaved. So many times when you were in the hospital I wanted to come and see you and tell you that I loved you and that I would raise the baby as my own, but I didn't have the strength. And the longer I put it off, the harder it got. When your mother told me they were suppressing your memories of the baby and I wasn't to mention him, I thought that was the perfect time to start over." He paused. "I knew one day you would remember, but I hoped that you would forgive me."

Kathryn took his hand in hers. "I do, Mark. It was a difficult situation."

"Not as difficult as it was for you. If you had the strength, I should have. But I'm just not as strong as you. Few people are." He paused. "I'm glad you found someone else too, Kathryn. And from what I hear he was a man more worthy of you than I ever was. I'm sorry that you had to leave him behind."

Kathryn was a moment in answering. "It was either him or me," she said quietly, "and at the time we thought it had to be him. But now..." She paused. "Let's not talk about Chakotay. Let's talk about your wife."

"I'd like to do more than talk about her," he said. "I'd like you to meet her sometime, come over for dinner. I'd like us to still be friends, Kathryn. We were an important part of each others lives for so long."

Kathryn smiled sincerely. "I'd like that too."

* * *

It was gone midnight, but still Kathryn couldn't sleep. Since they were married, she and Chakotay had barely spent a night apart and sleeping without him was awful. She missed the soft lullaby of his breathing, missed the warmth of his body against hers, and she missed the feel of his arms around her. How she had ever managed to sleep without him, she didn't know. It seemed an impossibility now. Hugging the quilt to her body, she wept painfully, shed the tears she dared not cry during the day. She had to be strong. Silvie and Stevie were depending on her, so many people were still depending on her.

Suddenly, a familiar voice cut through the darkness.

"So, you got your crew home."

Kathryn sat up a little, straining her eyes to see in the dark. "Q?"

An old lamp in the corner of the room illuminated and she saw Q sitting in an armchair beside it.

"Very comfortable, I must say," he said flippantly.

Kathryn wiped away a tear from her cheek. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"That we would have to leave Chakotay behind..."

"Oh that," he said apathetically. "You're better off without him, Kathy."

"He's my husband..."

"Yes. Isn't that unfortunate?"

"You could have helped us."

"I could have," Q said, picking up a snow glow from a shelf beside him and shaking it. "But I didn't."

"Then help us now. Bring him home..."

Q watched the sparkling snow fall. "Primitive, but pleasant."

"Please," Kathryn said quietly. "Please help us. I've never asked you for anything, but I'm asking you now. Bring Chakotay home. Please."

There was so much pain in those words and Q put down the snow globe. "Sometimes things happen for a reason," he said seriously. "If I intervene to bring Chakotay home, things that need to happen won't."

"But if you know what needs to happen, you can make them happen and..."

"It's better this way, Kathy," he said kindly. "Trust me." He smiled. "But there is something I can do. After all, I am a Q!"

With that he clicked his fingers and Kathryn found herself standing in what appeared to be the rear of the Delta Flyer. It would have been pitch dark except for the soft glow of blue light. She looked around and saw that Chakotay was lying on a biobed, a pillow beneath his head and a blanket over him. He was lying on his back and gazing up at the ceiling. A tear on his cheek sparkled as it caught the light.

"Chakotay," she whispered.

At the sound of her voice, Chakotay sat up. "Kathryn?"

As Kathryn bridged the distance between them, Chakotay got to his feet. Tearfully she wrapped her arms around him and held him tight.

"Am I dreaming?" he asked as he held her in return. "Or have you come back for me?"

"Neither," she replied. "Q sent me here so I can be with you a while." She squeezed him tight. "I've been missing you so much..."

"And I've been missing you," he said tearfully, "Like crazy I've been missing you."

"I asked Q to bring you home, but he says that he can't, that it has to be this way..."

"Did he say why?"

"No, only that it's better." A tear ran down her cheek. "But it doesn't feel better. It feels like hell..."

"I've been so worried," Chakotay continued, "not knowing if you made it..."

"We did," Kathryn said. "We made it all the way. Captain Picard came to pick us up in the Enterprise-E and the rest of the night was spent celebrating our return."

Chakotay held her tighter. "Then we did it, Kathryn. We got our crew home."

"Yes," she whispered. "But it should have been me who stayed. All the Maquis were exonerated and invited to rejoin Starfleet You sacrificed yourself for nothing."

Chakotay drew her slightly away. "It had to be me, Kathryn. And I'm glad that it was. The crew needed you to get them home and Silvie and Stevie need you. So many people need you. We made the right decision. Don't ever doubt that."

"Everyone was so happy to be home, Chakotay. The joy on the faces of relatives as they greeted their lost loved ones was just wonderful." She looked deep into his eyes. "But all I could think about was you..." She took his hand in hers. "And I have great news, Chakotay. Your mother isn't dead. She survived the massacre. Your sister found her when she returned to your homeworld for a visit."

A tear ran down his cheek. "Oh Kathryn..."

"She's living with other members of your tribe who survived and they're slowly rebuilding the village. Your sister has moved back there with her family and your cousin has too. I'm going to take Silvie and Stevie to meet them as soon as I can." She drew her husband close and held him tight. "So your mother is another reason for you to get home, Chakotay. There are so many reasons. I've found us a beautiful home in Bloomington and we'll all be so happy there..."

Chakotay held her against him a moment and then drew her away. "I want you all to be happy without me, Kathryn. Silvie and Stevie need a happy home..."

"And they need their father," she replied. "Never give up on getting home, Chakotay. Never give up."

"I won't," he whispered. "I promise."

Then he was gone and Kathryn found herself back in her childhood bed in Indiana. All was dark, quiet.

Pain consumed her, loneliness. Had she really been with Chakotay or had she just been dreaming? It had felt so real, but dreams so often did...

Twinkling lights to her left caught her attention and she turned towards them. There, on the cabinet beside her bed, was the snow globe Q had been playing with. As the snow fell it glowed in the dark, glittering...

Kathryn reached out and touched the snow globe. So it had been real, she had been with Chakotay. It hadn't been long, but she knew that he was still alive and he knew that they had all made it home safely...

"Thank you, Q," she whispered. "Thank you."

* * *

**A MONTH LATER**

The sun was dazzling. Kathryn raised her hand to her eyes as stepped out of a small dormer starship she had obtained for the trip to Trebus. She had landed the ship in a small opening amongst trees, a few hundred yards from civilization, so as not to alarm the natives. The land was more fertile than she would have imagined. The trees were a luscious green and the sun baked soil beneath her feet a rich brown. Anticipating that it would be summer on this part of the planet, she had dressed appropriately in a cream t-shirt and blue jeans. They weren't exactly the most elegant of clothes, but she knew that whatever she wore would probably look strange to Chakotay's family, and the venture required something practical and comfortable.

As Kathryn pulled out her tricorder to make certain her bearings, Vixi emerged from the ship, followed by Roxa.

"Are you sure you don't want us to come with you?"

"It's best if I go alone," Kathryn said. "Chakotay's people are very suspicious of strangers. They will probably welcome me, but we don't know that for sure. It may also take me a while to locate his family. It's best if you stay here with the twins for now."

"Very well."

"And remember, stay by the ship and don't leave Silvie and Stevie alone. If you sense any danger at all, contact me."

"I will."

Kathryn ruffled Vixi's pink hair. "It should be safe for you to play out here, but don't wander into the trees."

"I won't, Kathryn."

Kathryn smiled. "See you both in a little while."

At that she left and made her way through the woods.

* * *

It took her just over ten minutes to reach the tribe. Their village was more humble than she thought and consisted only of a few log cabins and wooden huts surrounded by hard terrain. In the distance men were building a new dwelling but otherwise there was no one to be seen except three children who were playing close by. When they saw a strange looking woman approach in strange clothes, they abandoned their game and stared at her.

"Don't be afraid," Kathryn said kindly, hoping her translator was working. "I come in friendship. I'm looking for a lady named Sekaya. Do you know where I can find her?"

The children made no response.

"It's very important that I find her."

Still no response.

A man's voice suddenly called out. "Who are you? What is your purpose here?"

There was a distinct defensiveness in his voice, a certain hostility. Kathryn looked away from the children and saw an old man approach. His hair was long, loose, and fell over a white shirt that almost reached his knees. A leather belt was tied around his waist, a pouch hanging from it, and brown pants covered his legs.

"I come in peace," Kathryn said. "I'm looking for Sekaya. Can you tell me where to find her?"

"What is your business with her?"

"I come with news of her brother, Chakotay."

At this, the man's hostility eased. "I will take you to her." He held his hand out to her. "Come."

Kathryn left the children and went over to him.

"Her dwelling is not very far," he said. He turned to face the village and pointed to a large hut some hundred yards away. "She lives yonder with her family."

He began to walk in the direction of the hut and Kathryn followed him. "I remember Chakotay well. A fine boy, but a contrary. The ways of his tribe he was reluctant to embrace. His father hoped he would one day return to the fold, but the pull of the world beyond he was unable to resist. I hope it has not been his undoing."

They reached the hut and the old man knocked the door. Moments later, an old Native American woman appeared. Her eyes were black, but her hair was gray and hung in thick plaits over her shoulders.

The old man spoke. "This lady says she comes with news of your son."

"Chakotay?"

Kathryn nodded. "I'm Kathryn Janeway. Chakotay's wife."

Tears welled in the woman's eyes and she drew Kathryn against her. "Then I welcome you, daughter. I have thought about you often."

Kathryn returned the woman's embrace and they held each other a moment. When they drew away the woman studied Kathryn intensely. "And I see my son made a wise choice. You have kindness and wisdom in your eyes." She then took Kathryn's hand in hers. "But I also see pain in your eyes and sense it in your heart. Chakotay is no longer with us in the flesh, is he?"

"I hope he is," Kathryn answered. "To get our crew home, one of us had to sacrifice our passage to ensure the passage of others. Chakotay felt he was the one to make that sacrifice. We left him with all he will need to return home and I'm sure that one day he will."

The woman absorbed this. "He made a sacrifice for his people. That is a noble and honorable act. I am so proud of my son."

"Not only for his people," Kathryn said kindly. "But also for his family."

"His family?"

"We have a son and a daughter."

A tear ran down the old woman's cheek. "Chakotay has children?"

Kathryn nodded. "Twins. They are six months old. Silvia Rennay and Silvesta Kolopak."

A tall woman who greatly resembled Chakotay, emerged from inside. She had to be Sekaya. "Who is...?" She stopped when she saw Kathryn standing before her mother. "I know your face," she said. "I have seen your picture. You're Chakotay's wife, Kathryn Janeway."

"That's right," Kathryn replied.

"Chakotay has children," his mother said. "A son and a daughter. He honors his family with their names."

"Is he here?"

"He's still a long way from home," Kathryn answered. "But I'm sure one day soon he will return."

"Chakotay sacrificed his passage home to ensure everyone else's," Enola said. "We must be very proud of him." She turned to Kathryn. "Chakotay's children, my grandchildren, I would so much like to see them and embrace them. Perhaps one day you will bring them to me?"

"I already have," Kathryn smiled. "They're in my ship."

The old woman's joy was overflowing. "Bless you, daughter. Thank you."

Kathryn smiled. "I'll go and get them."

* * *

Enola waited eagerly outside her hut with Sekaya for Kathryn to return. When at last she saw Kathryn approach in the distance with Roxa and Vixi, she went to greet her. Kathryn was carrying Stevie and Roxa was carrying Silvie. The twins were dressed in matching white suits, the only difference being the pink and blue rims of their hats.

"This is a great day," Enola said tearfully. "We are so blessed. Welcome," she said. "Welcome all of you..."

Vixi smiled at her and then looked around the village. This place far more resembled her home world than any other she had seen so far. As Kariks, their forced exodus had separated them significantly from the wealthy and technological world of their people.

"This is your grandson," Kathryn said, looking at Stevie. "Silvesta Kolopak." She then looked over to Silvie. "And your granddaughter, Silvia Rennay."

The old woman reached for her grandson and took him in her arms. "Welcome, little man," she said, planting a kiss on his cheek. "May the spirits grant you a long life with many blessings."

She returned Stevie to his mother and then took her granddaughter in her arms. "Welcome, little woman. May you too be blessed with long life and much happiness "

Sekaya spoke. "I hope you are not leaving too soon..."

"I thought we could stay a few days," Kathryn replied. "I'd like to get to know you all and give you the chance to get to know Silvie and Stevie.

Enola smiled happily. "A great day," she said again. "Great day."

* * *

After a wonderful meal of roasted fruits, roots, nuts, breads, rice and wine, Kathryn sat with her mother-in-law on a buffalo skin around a roaring outdoor fire. Sekaya and Roxa attended to Silvie and Stevie, while Vixi played with Sekaya's youngest children, two girls and a boy. Their two older brothers, their father, and Chakotay's cousin, had gone to a neighboring village to acquire some new tools and weren't expected to return for a few days.

The sky was clear and a myriad stars sparkled above them. Kathryn looked up at them and Chakotay's mother pointed to a bright shining one amongst them.

"That bright one, inbetween the fox and the snake, that's your home, Earth."

Kathryn's sharp eye quickly made out the shapes referred to and found her home planet.

"For many years I sat out here at night looking at the planet and wondering what my boy was doing. He was such a contrary, carried so much discontent in his heart. He left our world hoping another would give him the peace I knew he longed for, but I never saw it in his eyes." She paused." I told him to come home, to marry a native woman and find belonging in being a husband and a father, but he said it would not content him."

The old woman turned to look at her daughter and watched fondly for a moment as she played with her nephew.

"Sekaya left our world too but I worried not so much about her. She was married before she left and therefore was not alone. Chakotay was always alone. It is not good for man to live that way." She paused. "Rennay was the only one who could get close to him. His father would try, but Chakotay was hostile to him. I think he was angry with Kolopak for being away so much when he was a boy and leaving him to the guidance of his uncle. He was a strict man and Chakotay was not a boy for rules. He liked too much his own way. When his uncle tried to discipline him, he would be ungracious."

Kathryn listened in silence. Chakotay's mother was a kind and tranquil woman and clearly knew nothing of her son's suffering at his uncle's hand. Given the passage of so many years, it was not something she needed to know, or something Chakotay would wish her to know.

Enola reached for Kathryn's hands and took them in hers. "You are a kind and courageous woman with much love in your heart. I am so glad my son has known your love."

"And I'm glad I've known his," Kathryn said sincerely. "And I'm glad our children will have the chance to know you. I would like them to spend time with you as they are growing up, perhaps come here during school holidays and learn about your way of life. Chakotay and I decided before they were born that we would raise them to honor your ways."

Tears welled in her eyes. "I knew my boy would one day want to honor the ways of his ancestors. I am so glad he planned to honor then in his children."

"But with Chakotay away, it will be hard for me to teach them about your culture. I was raised very differently and have very different beliefs. Perhaps, before we return, you will teach me a little about your way of life?"

"Gladly, daughter. I will teach you much. And tomorrow we shall dance for Chakotay in the hope of his safe return. You may observe and learn."

"I would like that."

Enola smiled, and then went to put more sticks onto the fire.

**END OF CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE**


	37. Snakes & Ladders

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER THIRTY SIX**

**SNAKES AND LADDERS**

Life as an Admiral was not particularly eventful, at least not by Delta Quadrant standards. Kathryn stood by the window in her state of the art office at Starfleet Headquarters and watched as soft rain fell on the city of San Francisco. In her hands she held a cup of hot Earl Grey tea. She no longer drank coffee. For years Chakotay had been telling her to drink less of it and giving it up seemed one small way of honoring him.

Suddenly, the door chime sounded. Kathryn turned towards the door. "Come in."

The doors opened and Harry Kim came in. He was dressed in a gray Starfleet uniform, his rank Lieutenant now.

"Mr Kim," Kathryn said warmly, "I was beginning to think you hadn't received my message."

"I didn't until this morning," he replied. "My friend Ryan and I have been camping for a few days. I came as soon as I could."

Kathryn gestured to the chair opposite her. "Take a seat."

Harry sat as she did.

"Admiral Paris tells me you're eager to go back into space."

"That's right, Admiral."

"You'll be the first _Voyager_ crew member to go back. Are you sure you're ready for it? Everyone else is taking at least a year off from space travel to re-adjust to life on the ground and spend time with their families. And, of course, a lot of things have changed technologically and politically in our absence."

"I'm definitely ready for it," Harry replied. "I've taken dozens of classes over the past three months. I'm up on all the latest technology and political events. I'm ready to go back into space both mentally and physically."

"Then there is a position for you on _The Orbit_, a constellation class ship commanded by Captain Bruce Lewis, that is going on a three month mission to deep space. I've spoken to him, and he would be delighted to have you as part of his crew."

"I'm very grateful," Harry answered, "but I was hoping for something longer than three months."

"I see," Kathryn replied.

"I would like something that would take me away for at least a year."

Kathryn looked at Harry in concern. "Are you sure you want to go back into space for the right reasons, Harry?"

"What do you mean?"

"We've all been through a lot over the past few months. Aswell as trying to adapt to life in the Federation after being away so long, we've had to deal with the pressures of being celebrities. Are you sure you're not running away?"

Harry was a long moment in answering. "It's been hard," he said quietly. "For so many years I wanted to get home, but apart from seeing my parents and friends again, there's been nothing good about it. I miss my life on _Voyager_, I miss the people. And things are complicated with Libby too. She says she still loves me and would like a relationship, but I'm not the same man I was eight years ago when we were engaged. She's not the same woman either. Her success as a lal-shak player has changed her more than she realizes." He paused. "And to be honest, I can't stop thinking about Arlei. How can I have a relationship with someone else when I'm still in love with her? It wouldn't be right." He lowered his eyes. "I miss her so much."

"Of course you do," Kathryn said gently. "And it's right that you do. I miss Chakotay too."

Harry looked up at her at that. "I'm sorry, Admiral. I didn't mean..."

"It's alright," she said. "In so many ways we're going through the same thing. You're missing Arlei and wondering if she reached her destination, and I'm..." She couldn't say the words. Instead she swallowed them. "If you want to go on a year long mission then I'll do my best to find you a position."

"No," Harry replied. "You've done enough already. I'll take the position on _The Orbit_. It will give me time away, but not too long." He smiled. "I'll be home in time for Silvie and Stevie's first birthday party."

Kathryn was about to reply when the door chime sounded. She called out. "Come in."

The doors opened and the Doctor entered with a pretty young woman with brown eyes and long strawberry blonde hair. Kathryn didn't recognize her, but from her attire she appeared to be a civilian.

"Good morning, Admiral," he smiled. "Mr Kim."

"Good morning," Kathryn replied.

"Good to see you, Doc," Harry said, getting up from his seat. "How was the vacation?"

"Splendid," he replied. "Absolutely wonderful. Now I know why you were all so eager to get home. The Federation is a paradise. And everyone is so friendly, well, at least those who weren't offended by my masterpiece."

"_Photons be free_?"

"What else would I be referring to, Mr Kim? I am famous throughout the Federation. Millions share my belief that suppressing my work is a totalitarian attempt to suppress the rights of holograms."

"Your work did cause a holographic strike a few months before we returned that resulted in mayhem throughout the Federation," Harry answered.

"Not my work," the Doctor replied. "Oliver Baines. I cannot be held responsible for the actions of misguided individuals."

Kathryn looked at the woman beside him. "Are you going to introduce me to your friend, Doctor?

"Not my friend," he said, slipping his arm around the woman. "Admiral, Mr Kim, I'd like you to meet my wife, Jennifer."

Kathryn's jaw almost fell open. "You're married?"

"That's right. We got married three days ago in Rome. Of course, it wasn't exactly a legally binding ceremony as holograms don't presently have the right to marry, but the service we had was as binding to us personally as the real thing."

Jennifer spoke at last. "We met during a performance of Mozart's _Don Giovanni_ in England. I was an audience filler and had the good fortune of being seated next to Magnus."

Kathryn raised her eyebrow in amusement. "Magnus?"

"My new name," the Doctor said proudly. "Magnus Photon. Such a powerful name, don't you think? It conjures up association with magnificence and magnanimity, qualities that may well be ascribed to me. And throughout history, surnames were given that reflected something distinctive about the individual. No word could be more appropriate than Photon, and no name could I take as much pride in."

Jennifer smiled. "I too am proud to have what I am reflected in my name."

"You're a hologram?" Harry asked in surprise.

"Yes."

"But there are no projectors in this room..."

"None are needed," the Doctor replied. "Jennifer's program can run from my holo emitor together with mine. Her boss at _The Majestic Theatre_ in London sorted it out for us. He's a firm believer in the rights of holograms and was more than happy to allow Jennifer to pursue a life beyond her professional duties. That means her existence doesn't have to be limited to her place of work or places with holo projectors. Everywhere I can go, she can go too."

"That's wonderful," Kathryn smiled.

Harry questioned again. "Where are you going to live?"

"For the moment with Reg Barclay. We would like a house of our own, but as holograms we don't presently have that right either."

"I'm sure you will one day, Doctor," Kathryn added. "In the meantime, I think congratulations are in order." She bridged the gap between them and shook Jennifer's hand. "Congratulations." She then shook the Doctor's hand. "You too. I wish you both much happiness."

"So do I, Doc," Harry smiled. "Congratulations."

* * *

The Cafeteria at Starfleet Headquarters was unusually crowded. Kathryn made her way through the hustle and bustle to the service section. She picked up a silver tray and joined the long queue. The choice of food was immense, but all Kathryn felt like was a cheese and tomato sandwich. Every morning when she woke up, Roxa had breakfast ready, and every evening when she got home, dinner was waiting. A light lunch in between was all she needed.

"Long time no see."

Kathryn looked to her left and saw her old friend Abigail Tanner beside her. She was a pretty woman with long wavy brown hair and striking green eyes.

"Abigail," she said, embracing the woman with her free arm. "When did you return?"

"About an hour ago."

"It's so good to see you."

"Not as good as it is to see you," Abigail said.

As they drew away, Abigail took the tray from Kathryn's hand.

"Put lunch on hold. There's something I want to show you."

* * *

Abigail lead Kathryn to a secluded storage room, and Kathryn gasped at what she saw before her: _Voyager's_ warp core.

She turned to Abigail. "How did you...?"

Abigail smiled. "As soon as we were back in contact with Starfleet Command, I received a message asking those of us in deep space to keep an eye out for _Voyager's_ warp core. I studied the chart they sent us of your flight path home, and where you were estimated to have ejected the warp core, and set a course straight away. I think other captains did too as there were more ships that usual in the area. But searching for it was like searching for a needle in a hay stack. It took over two weeks to find it. I asked Starfleet Command not to tell you we'd found it, just to call off the search, as I wanted it to be a surprise."

"And it is," Kathryn said, reaching out to touch the warp core. "Thank you."

The doors opened and Admiral Paris entered.

"So here it is," he said, looking up in awe at the warp core. "A little piece of history..."

"We'll have to put it in a museum," Abigail said. "Everyone will want to see it."

"I think we can do better than that," Admiral Paris replied, a twinkle in his eye. "We've commissioned a replica of _Voyager_. If all goes to plan, she'll be completed by the fall. We're going to open her as a museum to the general public, complete with original warp core."

_When I was a little girl, my mother would tell me all these wonderful stories of your adventures in the Delta Quadrant and we would spend hours on Voyager's replica..." _The words of Captain Laura Marsden drifted back to Kathryn.

"That will be wonderful," Abigail smiled.

"Yes," Kathryn smiled. "Wonderful."

"And of course there will have to be a maiden flight," Admiral Paris continued, "which we're hoping you will captain, Admiral, and that all former _Voyager_ members will participate in. It would be a tremendous public event and the perfect way to open _Voyager_'s replica as a museum."

"It would be perfect," Kathryn said quietly.

"But you don't sound very enthusiastic," Admiral Paris noted.

"I am, it's just... it's just the thought of captaining _Voyager, _albeit her replica, without Chakotay as my First Officer."

"Of course," Admiral Paris said, his mood sobering, "how insensitive of me. If you want we can have someone else captain the ship or..."

"No," Kathryn interrupted. "As you say, it would be a great event and Chakotay would want us to go ahead with it."

* * *

Before transporting home to Indiana that evening, Kathryn called at Celes and Ella's apartment. It was Ella's birthday and Kathryn wanted to give her a gift and a card. The apartment was small, but homely, and Kathryn was glad of its warmth after walking in the cold rain. Celes rarely left the twins until Kathryn was home, so Ella was alone.

"Happy birthday," Kathryn said, handing a surprised Ella a small box wrapped in shiny gold paper, and a card contained in a pink envelope.

Ella took the gift and card gratefully. "Thank you."

She opened the present carefully and smiled to find an elegant gold watch inside a pretty red velvet box.

"It's beautiful," she said sincerely, "thank you."

She then opened the card, which had a cute tiger on the front, and went to put it up with several others on the window sill. One was rather large and had a childish drawing on it of a woman with a black bob. Ella picked it up and handed it to Kathryn.

"Isn't this good? Heidi made it for me."

"Heidi?"

"Justin, I mean Lieutenant Tighe, goes swimming every Tuesday and Thursday evening and I've been looking after Heidi."

"I didn't know you knew Justin that well."

"I don't, not really. We've been working together occasionally over the past couple of months and I offered to look after Heidi when he mentioned he was looking for a baby-sitter. I've only been looking after her a for about a month." She retrieved the card from Kathryn and put it back up on the window sill. "But I don't know if I should any more."

"Why not?"

"Justin, Lieutenant Tighe, he... he says he would like to get to know me better...go on a date..."

"I see," Kathryn said kindly. "Do you want to go?"

"I don't know," Ella answered. "I told him I would think about it, but..." Tears welled in her eyes. "I'm afraid."

Kathryn put her hand on the girl's shoulder. "Justin's a good and gentle man. You have no reason to be afraid of him. He was captured by the Cardassians himself, a long time ago, and will understand more than most what you've been through."

"He was?"

Kathryn nodded. "After what you've been through, it's only natural that you'll be wary of getting involved with someone. I was too. But sometimes we have to take a chance, give someone a chance, and in doing so we give ourselves a chance too."

Ella turned away from her and Kathryn saw a tear escape her eye.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. I'm alright, I..."

Kathryn bridged the gap between them. "Tell me, please..."

"I just...I'm not like other women. I don't think I ever can be. I try so hard to forget what it was like...the Cardassians...but I can't."

She wept painfully and all Kathryn could do was draw her close. Ella leant into her, glad of the motherly comfort and warm affection she so desperately lacked in her life.

"As I've told you before," Kathryn said gently, "it won't be the same when you love someone and he loves you. It will be nothing the same. You'll feel loved and special and his strength will make you feel safe and protected, not frightened and threatened."

"Is that how Chakotay made you feel?"

"Yes," Kathryn said quietly. "There were times when I was scared of him too. It was alright when we were on the ship. I was the captain, she was strong. But when we got infected by that virus and you all had to leave us behind on a planet, I was scared then. We were so alone and his strength, his masculinity, made me feel so vulnerable. I could see the way he looked at me sometimes. There was passion in his eyes. And it frightened me. I avoided him as much as I could and at night would wear these hideous night clothes that covered me almost completely."

Ella had to smile at that thought.

"But Chakotay only ever treated me with kindness, respect, and consideration," Kathryn continued. "And that never changed. Loving and being loved by him has been the most wonderful experience of my life. And it will be just as wonderful for you, Ella. I promise."

"You really think so?"

"I know so," Kathryn said reassuringly.

* * *

It was gone 7pm when Kathryn arrived home. After materializing in her private transporter pad, she made her way to the cloaking area in the hallway and took off her long brown coat and scarf. As she did so, Vixi came running to greet her.

"Silvie's sick," she said, "the Doctor's just come..."

Kathryn swallowed. "Where is she?"

"In the nursery."

Kathryn quickly made her way up the stairs, Vixi following.

"She's got spots all over her," Vixi went on. "Ugly green ones. No one knows what they are..."

When Kathryn reached the landing, Roxa was standing outside the nursery with Stevie in her arms.

"The Doctor told me to take Stevie out of the room," Roxa explained. "Vixi too..."

The doors to the nursery opened and Kathryn hurried inside. The nursery was a bright room, but was simple compared to the nursery on _Voyager._ The walls were a plain yellow and the carpet a dark blue. But what the room lacked in decor, it made up for in toys. There were all kinds, from teddy bears to Vulcan baby mind stimulating toys. Almost every day something new arrived from somewhere in the Federation from a well-wisher. To accommodate all the gifts, Kathryn had decided to turn one of the vacant bedrooms into a toy-room.

Silvia was lying in a diaper in the cot Chakotay had made for her and Stevie, and the Doctor was examining her. Celes was standing close by. Silvia was moaning, clearly in pain, and there were patches of dark green spots on her chest, head and limbs.

"She started to develop a temperature about two hours ago," Celes said when she saw Kathryn. "Then green spots started to erupt on her skin. I called the Doctor straight away."

Kathryn addressed the Doctor. "What's wrong with her, Doctor?"

"I don't know," the Doctor answered honestly. "I've never seen anything like this. It may be a viral infection similar to the ancient pox viral infections, but usually when eruptions appeared, the fever decreased. In Silvia's case, it's increasing." He paused. "If we were on _Voyager_, I could attempt to treat her myself, but now we're in the Federation, I'm going to have to admit her to hospital."

Celes spoke. "What about Stevie? He and Silvie are rarely separated..."

"He'll have to be admitted too, and Vixi, just to be on the safe side. Whatever Silvia has may be contagious and children are more susceptible to illness than adults." He got to his feet and addressed Kathryn. "I can't pretend that this situation isn't serious, Admiral. My program has just been updated with knowledge of all newly discovered diseases and conditions. There has never before been a case of this nature. That means we may have brought this virus back with us. If so, we could be responsible for a potentially fatal epidemic."

* * *

Time passed slowly as Kathryn waited in a long sterile hospital corridor with Roxa, Celes and the Doctor, for some news on the children.

"I can't believe they won't let me help," the Doctor said, pacing the floor. "This is a scandal. I am the most knowledgeable and experienced doctor they could find on unknown viral infections. If I was a humanoid and not a hologram, they would be begging for my help..."

As he spoke, a kind looking nurse with short brown hair emerged from the room where Silvia was being treated. Vixi was with her, tears on her cheeks, and the nurse was carrying a crying Stevie in her arms.

Kathryn and her companions immediately got to their feet and Vixi hurried to her mother, burying her little head in her mother's waist. Roxa held her, soothing her.

"I think this wee lad wants his mother too," the nurse said in a distinctive Scottish accent. She held the crying baby out to his mother and Kathryn gladly took him in her arms.

"You may take Silvesta and Vixi home as soon as you've spoken to the doctor," the nurse continued.

Kathryn tried not to show the fear that she felt. "What's happening with Silvia?"

"Dr Barton will be along any moment now to explain the situation to you."

As she made her way down the corridor, the doors opened again and a middle-aged male doctor appeared. His hair was gray and his appearance serious, but there was a friendly look in his eyes.

"I'm afraid I have both good and bad news," the doctor said sensitively. "The good news is your daughter's condition does not appear to be contagious. If it was, we would have a potential epidemic on our hands as it would be too late to quarantine _Voyager's_ crew. Of course, we don't know for certain that this virus was contracted in unknown space, but it seems the most likely explanation."

"What's the bad news?"

"The bad news is we still have no idea what is wrong with her and her condition is deteriorating. She's lost consciousness and her temperature is continuing to increase. We're doing everything we can, but she's a very sick little baby."

The Doctor spoke. "I have examined Silvia several times since we returned. Not once did I detect any foreign entity in her body. If I couldn't detect it in her, you won't be able to detect it in Silvesta or Vixi. I seriously question the wisdom of discharging them. They may fall ill at any moment."

"_May_ being the word, Doctor. At the moment they are in fine health. If they fall ill then we will admit them. In the meantime, there is no need. They may go home. If we admit them, then we'll have to admit every single member of _Voyager's_ crew, including the Admiral and her companions here."

"But..."

"The healthy do not need a doctor, Doctor."

The Doctor was about to argue when Kathryn intervened. "Roxa, Celes, take Vixi and Stevie home. Dr Barton?"

"That's right."

"I would like Dr Photon to assist you in treating my daughter. He has successfully treated many unknown diseases over the past eight years and saved the lives of my crew, and my own, more times than I can remember. I owe him my life and I trust him with my daughter's."

"Very well," Dr Barton said, clearly not happy but feeling he had no choice. "Dr Photon, come with me."

The Doctor triumphantly followed him, and as they disappeared into the room, Celes spoke. "Are you sure you want me to leave? I don't want to leave you alone."

"I'll call my family," Kathryn replied. "You go. You've been here long enough. Besides, it's Ella's birthday. You don't want to leave her alone all night. I'll call you as soon as there's news."

"Alright," Celes said. "But make sure you do."

Kathryn put her hand on the girl's arm. "I will."

* * *

Two hours later, Kathryn was still sitting in the corridor waiting for news. Phoebe was with her and Kathryn was glad of her calming influence. Their parents had wanted to come, but Kathryn had persuaded them to keep Roxa company instead. Her mother was such a worrier that she would only add to the tension.

"Would you like a cup of tea?"

"No, thank you," Kathryn replied. Her stomach was in so many knots that she felt consuming any liquid would choke her. She got to her feet, needing to do something, anything. "Why aren't they telling me what's happening?"

"They will as soon as there's something to tell..." Phoebe answered.

As she spoke, the doors opened and Dr Barton appeared. His face was pale and there was a heavy sadness in his eyes.

"I'm afraid we're losing your daughter," he said as gently as he could. "There's no more we can do."

Tears flooded Kathryn's eyes and Phoebe had to look away from the pain on her face.

"You can spend what little time she has left with her, say goodbye properly." The Doctor put his hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

* * *

Silvia lay naked, except for a diaper, inside a glass incubator. Gadgets were attached to her little body and she looked so tiny in this cold and sterile environment. As Kathryn made her way over to her daughter, she looked around for the Doctor, wanting to hear from him that there was no hope. She wasn't giving up yet, not yet. But the Doctor was no where to be seen. There was only a young nurse in the room.

"Where's the Doctor?" She asked. "I mean, Dr Photon?"

"I don't know," the nurse replied. "He left in a hurry..."

"Did he saw what for?"

"Not specifically."

Dr Barton moved to the incubator. "Would you like to hold your daughter?"

"No," Kathryn replied. "I'm not giving up on her yet, not until I've spoken to the Doctor..."

"There's nothing he can do for her. If there was, anything at all, we would be doing it..."

"The Doctor wouldn't abandon her. He must have discovered something..."

Dr Barton took a deep breath and tried to be sympathetic but firm at the same time. "I know that this is a..."

"I'm not moving her from that incubator until the Doctor returns," Kathryn said stubbornly. "And if all you're going to do is stand there and tell me that my daughter is dying and there's nothing to be done, then please leave."

"Admiral," he protested.

"I said leave!"

The doctor was going to argue, but thought it better not to aggravate her grief, and without another word left the room.

When he was gone, Kathryn bridged the distance between her and the incubator and looked down at her precious little girl. Her tiny body was now completely covered in horrible green lumps and they were even covering her scalp. Kathryn touched the glass tenderly as a tear ran down her cheek.

"You're going to be alright, darling," she whispered. "You're a Janeway and we can beat anything. Don't give up, sweetheart. Keep fighting."

Suddenly, the lumps on Silvia's body began to turn brown. Then, one by one, they started to burst. Kathryn gasped in horror as what appeared to be tiny black spiders poured out of them in hundreds.

An alarm sounded and lights on the incubator began to flash. The next thing Kathryn knew, she was being ushered out of the room by the nurse as Dr Barton returned, accompanied by another doctor.

"I want to stay," Kathryn protested. "Please..."

"I'm sorry," the nurse replied. "It's better if you wait outside..."

"But..."

"Your daughter's in the best possible hands. There's nothing you can do."

Phoebe approached. "What's happening?"

"I don't know," Kathryn answered. "All the spots on Silvie began to burst and spiders ran out of them..."

Phobe shivered. "Spiders?"

"Hundreds of them."

"We'll inform you as soon as there is news," the nurse said. "Now, please, wait out here. Your presence will distract the doctors."

As the nurse disappeared inside the room, Phoebe drew her sister close and they held each other tight.

* * *

Phoebe had finally persuaded Kathryn to have a drink, and was just returning with two cups of hot tea, when _Voyager's_ former EMH emerged from the room.

Kathryn got to her feet. "Where have you been? What's happening?"

The Doctor smiled. "Silvia's out of danger. Her body temperature has returned to normal and she has just regained consciousness."

Kathryn turned to look at Phoebe and they shared a relieved smile. Then she turned back to the Doctor.

"These spiders. Where did they come from?"

"From the spiders we brought back with us. It appears they were using Silvia's body to breed."

Kathryn frowned. "But spiders don't breed that way..."

"All known spiders don't, but these spiders appear to need mammal blood to nourish their young. They inject eggs into a mammal's blood system with their teeth and over a number of weeks, these eggs slowly make their way to the skin's surface. The spiders then grow rapidly and the eggs hatch. I began to suspect something like that when I analyzed the development of the spots. There were a lot of similarities between her condition and that of Harris, Frix and Chakotay when they were being used as a breeding host. Until the creatures started attacking healthy cells, their presence was undetectable. Silvia had never left _Voyager_ so it had to be something on the ship that had bitten her. That's when I remembered about the spiders we brought on board. But to be sure, I had to go and fetch a couple of them."

Kathryn tried to absorb this. "But Silvia never had any contact with the spiders..."

"Not directly, but the spiders did escape. It would only have taken seconds for one to bite her and inject her with it's eggs.."

Kathryn shivered at the thought. "She will be alright, won't she?"

"She's going to be fine. I've developed a medicine that will kill the eggs in anyone who has them in their system, and have given it to her just incase there are more in her body. Every one of _Voyager's_ crew, and that of _The Homebird_, will need to be given it too, just to be on the safe side. We don't want these spiders getting into our habitat. Petal will also have to be treated. As there were no humanoids on the planet the spiders came from, my suspicion is they used animals to reproduce. It may have proved fatal to some animals, but most likely, once the spiders hatched, any dangerous irregularities caused by the process disappeared. That way there would be no damage to the ecosystem." He paused. "An order has been sent out to every one of _Voyager's_ crew telling them to report to their nearest medical center. Hopefully another case like Silvia's will be prevented."

"Let's hope so," Kathryn answered.

The Doctor held up a hypospray. "Obviously you'll need to be treated too."

Kathryn smiled and moved her head to the side. "Fire away."

The Doctor put the hypospray to her neck and then held it out to her. "Take this home with you and administer it to Silvesta, Vixi, Roxa and Petal. There's no need to bring them in. It may make Petal drowsy for a few hours, but should have no side effects on humanoids."

Kathryn took the hypospray. "Thank you." She then questioned. "When can Silvie come home?"

"She should be well enough to leave tomorrow," the Doctor answered. "It's best she's kept in for observation."

* * *

Vixi stood in the doorway of the nursery and watched as Kathryn put Stevie to bed. Gretchen and Roxa had kept him in the living room all night so they could immediately see if there were any changes to his appearance. They had awoken him at regular intervals to make sure he was still conscious, and the poor mite was exhausted. He had fallen sound asleep as soon as his mother had taken him in her arms and rocked him, and he was sleeping still.

Kathryn tenderly put a warm blanket over him and kissed his little forehead. She then sat on a chair beside the cot and just gazed at her sleeping baby. He was growing to look more and more like Chakotay every day. And he and Silvie were growing so fast. Chakotay was missing so much. In the corner of her eye, she saw Vixi standing in the open doorway and turned towards her.

"You should be in bed, young lady."

"I can't sleep," she said quietly. "I'm afraid."

Kathryn extended her arm to the child and Vixi went over to her.

"There's nothing to be afraid of, darling," she said kindly. "Silvie's going to be just fine. She'll be home tomorrow."

"What if they come back?"

"The spiders?"

Vixi nodded.

"They won't, honey. The medicine she's been given will make sure of that."

"And they won't try to eat any of us?"

"They weren't eating her, sweetheart, they were just using her body to grow. But they've gone now, and we've all been given medicine so they won't be in any of us."

Suddenly, a deep male voice spoke harshly from the doorway.

"Move to the wall!"

Kathryn's eyes flew in the direction of the voice and she saw her former ex-Maquis crewman, Garl, standing in the room pointing a phaser at her and Vixi. He was dressed in black clothes and his face was flushed, his forehead sweaty. He appeared feverish.

"Garl," she said, getting to her feet. "What are you doing?"

"I said move to the wall!"

Kathryn dared not disobey and moved to the wall, taking Vixi with her.

"How did you get in?" The house was fitted with high security.

"I'm a Maquis, I can get in anywhere."

"Why are you here?"

"Why do you think?"

"If I knew, I wouldn't be asking."

"To kill you, that's why!"

Kathryn swallowed. "Why do you want to kill me?"

"For ruining all our lives! You had no right to destroy our only way home..."

"Destroying the array was necessary to save the Ocampa..."

"No," he cried. "You violated the Prime Directive. And when you destroyed that array, you destroyed all our lives! If I hadn't respected Chakotay, I would have killed you with my bare hands to secure _Voyager_ for the Maquis..."

His voice woke Stevie and he began to cry.

"And how worthy of trust did Chakotay prove to be? He couldn't wait to use your body to satisfy his perverted pleasures..."

Roxa entered the room, having heard voices, and as soon as Garl saw her, he seized her and held her tight against him.

"Let her go," Kathryn said. "She's done you no harm. Neither has Vixi. Let them leave the room with Stevie."

"And have them blabber? I don't think so, Admiral. I have no desire to be convicted as a murderer. I never planned to harm them, but things don't always go to plan. I'll spare the baby, but they have to share your fate now..."

There was a shelf behind him displaying some of the most unusual toys given to the twins. Amongst them were a pair of large gold unicorns with silver horns. Vixi concentrated all her might on one of them and it began to shake...

"Vixi's just a child..." Kathryn protested. "She's just a little girl..."

"The good die young, Admiral. And I have no heart. There's no point petitioning it. I've killed children before to achieve a goal. My hands already drip with the blood of innocents. One more won't make any difference..."

Concentrating harder, Vixi moved the unicorn through the air. Kathryn saw it move towards Garl's head and knew instantly what Vixi was doing. Sure enough, it slammed against his skull seconds later with a mighty force. At the strength of the blow he fell to the floor, knocking Roxa down with him, and the unicorn landed beside them.

Kathryn hurried over to Garl and searched for his pulse. She found it, racing wildly. She then turned to Roxa. "Are you okay?"

"I think so" Roxa said, getting to her feet.

As she did so, Vixi hurried over to her and Roxa hugged her close.

"Computer," Kathryn said, "erect a forcefield around adult male."

Instantly a forcefield was erected around Garl.

Kathryn then turned to Vixi and smiled warmly. "Well done, Vixi. Very well done."

* * *

"Without a doubt it's the spiders," the Doctor explained to Kathryn as she stood outside a hospital room in the same corridor as the one Silvia was in. "Green spots have just erupted."

"Do you think it was responsible for his behavior?"

"Possibly. Delirium often accompanies a fever. But it's also possible his actions were independent of his condition."

"If it can't be determined whether or not his actions were caused by his condition, how can we know how to proceed against him? I don't want him imprisoned if he wasn't really responsible for his actions."

A young nurse, who had just emerged from the room, spoke. "No proceedings will be required, Admiral. Garl is dead."

Kathryn was a moment in answering. "Dead?"

"His body temperature and heart rate soared to fatal levels. There was nothing we could do."

* * *

Roxa and Vixi were waiting up for Kathryn when she finally returned home. Vixi was leaning against her mother as they sat together on a sofa before the simulated fire, and was almost asleep.

"I'm afraid it's not good news," Kathryn said, sitting in a comfortable chair opposite them. "Garl's dead."

Roxa looked at her fearfully. "It wasn't Vixi...?"

"No," Kathryn replied. "Not at all. The changes to his body because of the spiders killed him."

Vixi sat up. "But they won't kill Silvie?"

"No, honey," Kathryn said gently. "Different people have different reactions to things. Garl was Bajoran. Being of a different species may have had something to do with it."

Roxa got to her feet. "Now you're home, I'll make us all a warm milk with honey. That should help settle us before we go to bed."

Kathryn smiled. "Thank you."

With that, Roxa left the room.

Kathryn looked into the flames before her and couldn't help think of Garl. She wanted to believe his actions were the result of delirium, but she couldn't help doubt. He had tried to kill her once before, and would probably have succeeded if Chakotay hadn't saved her. She had never mentioned the incident to Garl afterwards because he had been under mind control, but looking back now, he had never apologized for what he did either... It made her shudder to think of the hatred he must have borne towards her all these years. And, in the back of her mind, she wondered if there was any one else..

"Kathryn."

Kathryn turned from the fire to look at Vixi. "Yes, sweetheart?"

"Why are men so nasty?"

"Not all men, darling," she said gently, "only bad men."

"Was Garl a bad man?"

"Yes," Kathryn answered quietly. "I think he was."

"Why are there so many bad men?"

"Not really. There are more good men than bad."

"Men like Chakotay?"

Kathryn nodded. "Good men."

Tears welled in Vixi's eyes. "I miss him."

"So do I," Kathryn said quietly. "So do I."

* * *

A beeping alarm sounded, waking Chakotay. He made his way through the Delta Flyer to the helm, and saw on sensors that another vessel was approaching. He sat down and did a full analysis. It was an unidentifiable spacecraft, approximately 0.6 light years away, traveling at approximately warp 8. Shields made it impossible to determine how many people were inside. The vessel was still a few hours away and appeared to be alone but Chakotay still felt anxious. So far he had been lucky and had encountered no alien vessels, but he knew it was only a matter of time before he did, and hostile ones at that. But he took comfort in the fact that this ship appeared to be alone. The crew of an alone ship were unlikely to attack when he could prove a superior match. He considered for a moment whether or not to make contact, but decided not too. If they wanted, they could make contact with him, but he hoped they would just pass by.

"Computer," he said, "what time is it?"

"The time is 04:21 hours."

Early. Too early. But now that he was fully awake, it would be impossible to go back to sleep. He got up from his seat and went over to the replicator.

"Coffee, black."

A cup of streaming black coffee materialized and Chakotay picked it up. He had never really liked coffee much before but, since he had been left alone, he had developed a taste for the beverage. It reminded him of Kathryn, made him feel close to her. It had been a long three months and the loneliness was overwhelming, but he had promised Kathryn he would get home and he was determined to do everything possible to keep that promise.

"Incoming transmission."

Chakotay put down the coffee and responded. "On speakers."

"This is Arlei to the Delta Flyer. Do you read me?"

"Arlei," Chakotay said, totally surprised. "It's good to hear from you. But what are you doing in this region of space? I thought you had returned to the Delta Quadrant."

"I did," she explained. "But I decided to come back. I've been in pursuit of you all for weeks." She paused. "But I'm not detecting _Voyager_ on sensors, only the Flyer."

"A lot's happened since you've been away," Chakotay answered. "Let's rendevouz our vessels and then I'll beam you onboard and explain."

* * *

Three hours later, Arlei materialized in the Delta Flyer.

Chakotay was waiting to greet her and held his hand out to her. "It really is good to see you again."

"Likewise," she smiled, shaking his hand. "I've really missed everyone."

Chakotay gestured to a chair at the helm. "Please, take a seat."

Arlei sat down and spoke as Chakotay sat opposite her. "You said a lot has happened. Is everyone alright?"

"Yes," he answered. "Three months ago we found an alien vessel in an asteroid zone. It was much more advanced than _Voyager_ and capable of transwarp travel. The problem was, it was heavily damaged and had no warp core. B'Elanna found out that by using _Voyager's_ warp core, we could make that ship transwarp capable again just long enough to take the crew back to the Federation. But there were risks involved. We couldn't leave _Voyager_ behind and risk her falling into the wrong hands, but neither could we destroy her when there was a risk the mission wouldn't work." He paused again. "So I stayed behind on _Voyager _as a precaution. When the mission was a success, I set _Voyager_ up to self-destruct and continued to make my way to the Federation alone."

"Then a lot certainly has happened," Arlei said quietly. "And I have to say I wasn't expecting any of this." She paused. "I'm sorry you had to stay behind."

"It hasn't been easy," he answered. "But it's the way things had to be." He looked at her with sympathy. "And I'm sorry about Harry...that you've had a wasted journey."

Arlei lowered her eyes. "I was hoping to see him," she said quietly. "I know I have no right to want a second chance after the way I left, but I felt I had to leave, felt it was my duty. I didn't want too as I love Harry, I really do... So when I'd passed on all the information I had, and they didn't need me any more, I decided to come looking for _Voyager_. We'd spent some time studying the cluster of wormholes we came across in trying to escape the Voril, and with our slightly more advanced technology than yours, we were able to determine roughly where each of them leads too. One terminates about 200 light years from here so I used that, hoping to meet up with _Voyager_ as she made her way home. I estimated you'd be passing through this region about now."

"Then you must have been traveling alone almost as long as me," Chakotay said. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry I won't get to see Harry," she answered. "But I'm not sorry I came. I knew it might be too late for Harry and I." She paused. "There was another reason I came. I knew of a way for _Voyager_ to get home."

Hope filled Chakotay's eyes. "A way home?"

Arlei nodded. "There's another wormhole that leads to the Alpha Quadrant. It either terminates within Federation space or close by. At best it's a few weeks journey to Earth, at most a few months. The wormhole I used to return to the Alpha Quadrant is two way. At maximum warp, you should reach it in less than three months time.You can use it to return to the cluster of wormholes."

Chakotay smiled happily. "Then looks like I've just reclaimed the next eighteen years of my life."

"Yes," Arlei smiled. "And we can travel together to the wormhole. I'll be using it to return to my people."

"Why don't you come all the way with me?"

"To the Federation?"

"Yes."

Arlei's eyes shone brightly for a moment at the thought, then dulled. "I couldn't. I'm sure Harry's found someone else by now or is back with his old fiancé. It wouldn't be right to come. It's best for me to return to my people and try and make a new life for myself somewhere."

"The Federation is as good a place as anywhere," Chakotay continued, "and you can join Starfleet. You'd be a great asset with your engineering skills."

"But what about Harry? I wouldn't want him to feel I was following him or expecting anything..."

"I'm sure he wouldn't think that. You made good friends on _Voyager_. It makes sense to go where your friends are."

"I suppose," Arlei said, considering. "I would love to come, but do you really think I should?"

"Absolutely."

Arlei smiled. "Then I will."

Chakotay smiled in return and got to his feet. "I think this is cause for celebration. Join me in a glass of champagne?"

Arlei nodded eagerly and Chakotay went over to the replicator.

**END OF CHAPTER THIRTY SIX**


	38. Providence: Part One

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN **

**PROVIDENCE **

**Part One**

Music, laughter and chatter filled a small hall in Bloomington Community center as friends and family gathered to celebrate Silvie and Stevie's first birthday. Pink and blue balloons hung from the ceiling and a sparkling silver and gold banner reading "Happy First Birthday Silvia & Silvesta" glittered on the wall. There were two long tables of food at one side of the room and chairs and tables at the other for those who wanted to sit, and Harry and his band were playing cheerful music in a brightly lit corner as people continued to arrive.

Gretchen and Edward proudly showed off Silvie and Stevie while Kathryn walked through the crowd, welcoming everyone tother for those who wanted to sit, and Harry and his band were playing cheerful music in a brightly lit corner as people continued to arrive.

Gretchen and Edward proudly showed off Silvie and Stevie while Kathryn walked through the crowd, welcoming everyone to the party and embracing old friends. Almost all the former members of _Voyager's_ crew were present, and Kathryn was overjoyed at seeing them all again. Even Tuvok and his wife were present, having made their way from Vulcan especially for the occasion.

"B'Elanna," Kathryn cried when she saw her former Chief Engineer enter the hall with Admiral Paris and his wife.

"Captain..." B'Elanna smiled as Kathryn bridged the gap between them. "I mean Admiral..."

Kathryn took the younger woman in her arms and embraced her warmly. "It's so good to see you. So good..." This was the first time she had seen B'Elanna since they had returned. She, Tom and Miral were now living on Boreth.

"You too..."

Kathryn drew away. "How is your mother? It's so wonderful that you found her."

"She's very well, thank you," B'Elanna replied. "But we didn't bring her with us. She wanted to stay on Boreth."

Kathryn looked around. "And just where are Tom and Miral?"

"On their way, Admiral. They..."

Just as she spoke, Tom came in with Miral.

"Right on cue, Mr Paris," Kathryn smiled.

"Miral had a call of nature just before we were about to come in," Tom explained. He took Kathryn's hand in his and shook it. "Good to see you again, Admiral."

"You too, Tom," Kathryn smiled. She put her hand to Miral's cheek. "And you little lady." She turned to B'Elanna. "Isn't it amazing how fast they grow?"

"Not fast enough," Tom teased.

"How are you both finding life on Boreth?"

"Great," B'Elanna replied. "But we won't be staying on there indefinitely. We feel that Earth can offer Miral more opportunities, so we plan to return before she starts school." She paused, and hesitated with the next words. "I don't suppose you've heard anything from Chakotay?"

Kathryn lowered her eyes at the sound of his name. "Nothing," she replied.

"It haunts me what happened," B'Elanna said quietly. "I can't help think we should have found another way. Leaving him like that it... it seems so wrong..."

Kathryn made no reply. She just turned in the direction of the food and gestured to the tables in the distance. "There's a buffet prepared with all kinds of food so please, help yourselves. Excuse me..."

With that she left, leaving B'Elanna to regret her words, and disappeared into the crowd. Tears momentarily blurred her vision, but she fought to suppress them.

"Admiral..."

It was the Doctor. Kathryn turned to him. "Doctor..."

"I was just having a most pleasant discussion with your Aunt Martha when the answer to our spider problem came to me."

His words unintentionally lifted her melancholy and she couldn't help smile. "It couldn't have been all that pleasant a conversation if your mind was wandering, Doctor."

"No," he said, anxious to correct a wrong impression. "That's not what I meant. It was something she said about holograms that got me thinking..." He paused. "I'm sure we can use a combination of holographic technology and living mammal tissue and fluid to allow the spiders to reproduce."

Kathryn considered this. "It sounds theoretically possible." She paused. "But I'm still not sure it would be wise to allow the spiders to reproduce. They killed Garl and put several people in hospital. We're extremely lucky none of them got into our habitat. If they had, they could have killed thousands."

"But they are a unique lifeform," the Doctor replied. "We can't just let them die. So long as they reproduce in a controlled environment, they will be no danger to anyone."

"Well," Kathryn replied. "All I can say is that your idea sounds good in theory. It won't, of course, be up to me whether or not you'll get permission to experiment as it's not my field."

The Doctor was about to respond when Kathryn's attention was taken by someone approaching her.

"Seven," Kathryn said happily when she saw the former drone. "I'm glad you could make it..."

Seven was dressed in a blue catsuit, but was wearing a smart black jacket over it. Her aunt, Irene, was beside her, dressed in a very bright floral dress and a pink hat.

"Anneka," Irene said, "she is called Anneka now." The woman reached into a pink bag she was holding and pulled out two small boxes. "For Silvia and Silvesta," she said kindly. "Just something little to mark the occasion."

Kathryn took the gifts. "Thank you very much." She then turned to Seven. "I haven't seen you since we got back. I've missed you..."

"Anneka has been very busy," Irene answered. "And I thought it would be good for her to cut all ties with the Voyager crew for a while. The poor dear has had nothing but space and starships since she was a little girl. It's time she learned there is more to life."

Kathryn knew the woman meant well, but she couldn't help feel rather angry at those words. Seven had been part of much more than just a crew, and had made good friends on _Voyager_ who really cared about her.

"She can do that without severing all contact with her friends," Kathryn replied, her tone sharper than she intended. "I care about Seven, Anneka, as do others..." She turned to Seven. "You must come to stay with me for a few days. I once promised you a tour of my hometown and I always keep my promises."

"I would like that," Seven replied.

Irene began to protest. "It really isn't a good for you too..."

Kathryn interrupted. "Your niece will never find her true self if you stifle her."

"I only have Anneka's best interests at heart," Irene replied, her tone a little subdued. "She has been through a horrific ordeal in her life and I want her to recover as much of her humanity as is possible. She is Anneka Hanson, not Seven of Nine. I don't want her to keep returning to an environment where she is Seven of Nine again."

At this, Kathryn's manner softened. "I understand. But she has never been a Borg drone to me, she has always been Anneka Hanson." She smiled. "I will be only too glad to welcome Anneka Hanson into my home."

"In that case," Irene smiled, "I will be happy for Anneka to come and stay with you. But we're going away in a couple of weeks time to stay with some relatives in Denmark. We won't be back for a couple of months."

Kathryn smiled. "My invitation has no time limit."

"Perhaps I can come at the end of summer," Seven said. "I won't be starting medical school until September."

Seven's words took Kathryn by surprise. "I didn't know you were going to medical school. What made you decide to become a doctor?"

"Many reasons," Seven replied. "If I wish to return to Starfleet in the future, I can serve as a physician on a ship. If I don't want to return to Starfleet, I can pursue a career in medicine elsewhere." She paused. "I also believe that going to medical school will help my personal growth."

Suddenly, the sound of silver on glass cut across the room and everyone turned towards the origin of the sound. It was coming from Reg Barclay.

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls," he smiled. "Now that the last guest has arrived, let's all sing happy birthday to Silvia Rennay and Silvesta Kolopak as Roxa brings out their birthday cake."

Harry began an introduction to "Happy Birthday" on his saxophone, and then everyone began to sing. Silver doors at the rear of the hall opened, and Roxa came through them pushing a silver trolley which had the birthday cake on top. It was a large white cake, in the shape of a star, and was beautifully decorated with pink and blue icing.

As the crowd finished singing, Reg Barclay addressed the crowd again. "Where are the birthday babes?"

Gretchen and Edward stepped forward with Silvie and Stevie.

Reg scoured the crowd. "And where is the proud mother?"

"Right here," Kathryn said, raising her hand.

Reg put his hand to his brow, pretending not to find her. "Ah, I see you," he smiled, gesturing with his hand to her location, just to make sure everyone knew where she was. He then fell serious.

"While we are all here today to celebrate Silvia and Silvesta's first birthday, I'm sure that as we celebrate, we all think of the one who should be here celebrating with us."

Kathryn lowered her eyes. She knew it was inevitable that people were going to talk about Chakotay, especially at events like this, but she found it so difficult. Every time she thought about him so far away and so alone, the pain was overbearing.

"I mean, of course, their father, known to most of you as Commander Chakotay. If it wasn't for his noble sacrifice, then none of us would be here today." He held up the glass in his hands. "Let's make a toast. To Commander Chakotay."

Those in the crowd with glasses in their hands held them up. "Commander Chakotay."

"Now," Reg continued. "For the cutting of the cake..."

Gretchen and Edward made their way over to the cake, Silvie and Stevie in their arms. They both picked up a silver knife and, on the count of three, dug it deep into the cake.

The crowd cheered, and Harry once again played Happy Birthday on his saxophone.

As chatter once more filled the air, Kathryn quickly escaped to the kitchen, needing to be alone. She put down the gifts Seven's aunt had given her on a table, and then leant against it as she wept painfully. The tribute Reg had made to Chakotay had been wonderful, but oh had hurt so much...

The door behind her opened, and Kathryn hastily put her hand to her cheek, not wanting anyone to see her tears.

"Admiral?"

The voice was B'Elanna's.

Kathryn turned to her. "B'Elanna..." She paused. "I'm sorry, I just..."

"No," B'Elanna said, bridging the gap between them. "It hurt me too."

Kathryn looked up at the half-Klingon and saw tears in her eyes too.

"When I think of him all alone out there..."

"I know..." B'Elanna put her hand on Kathryn's shoulder. "I'm sorry for what I said just now. It was very inconsiderate."

"You just want him home," Kathryn said quietly. "And he will come home. I just know that he will."

B'Elanna nodded and then drew her former captain and friend close.

* * *

When all the guests had left the party, Roxa, Phoebe and Gretchen began to clear up, glad of the offered help from Ella and Celes. Edward sat in watch over Silvie and Stevie while Kathryn cleared up in the kitchen. Vixi and Heidi played outside and Kathryn watched them a moment from the kitchen window as she rinsed a cloth in the sink.

The door suddenly opened and Justin came in. Kathryn turned to him. "You'll have to bring Heidi to stay for a weekend. She and Vixi seem to have struck up a good friendship."

"That would be good," Justin said, walking over to her. He hesitated a moment and seemed uncomfortable. "Can we talk?"

"Sure," Kathryn said, putting down the cloth in her hand. "What is it?"

Justin was a moment in replying. "It's Ella," he said quietly. "I want to ask her to marry me."

"I see," Kathryn replied. Then she smiled warmly. "Then aren't you talking to the wrong person?"

Justin lowered his eyes. "I just don't know if I should... I mean should ask her..."

"Why not?"

"Because of all that she's been through. She's blossomed so much since we've been together. I don't want to ruin things by making her feel she's being pressurized. I only want to make things better... want to show her how committed I am. But I don't know how she feels about marriage. I don't know whether part of her comfortability around me is because she knows I respect her religious desire to wait until marriage for intimacy. If I ask her to marry me, then I might make her retreat into herself again, because it will be taking our relationship to a different dimension." He paused. "And maybe I shouldn't even be talking about this with you. I just don't know who else to talk too..."

Kathryn reached out and took his hand in hers. "We're friends, Justin. You can talk to me about anything."

Justin squeezed her hand. "Thank you."

As she let go of his hand, Kathryn spoke. "Would you like me to have a word with Ella, try to find out how she feels at the thought of marriage?"

Justin smiled. "I'd like that very much."

"Then I will as soon as the opportunity presents itself." She then looked at Justin sadly. "But are you sure you want to marry her? It's only a few months since you wanted me to leave Chakotay and marry you. It would be cruel too..." She paused, searched for the words... "propose marriage to her if you really want someone else."

Justin lowered his eyes and fidgeted with his fingers.

"A part of me will always love you, Kath," he said quietly. "But you were right when you said that what we had belonged to yesterday. Too many years have passed, and too much has changed, for us to ever rekindle what we had then. Your heart is Chakotay's now and I know that you will never give up waiting for him to come home, even if you have to wait for the rest of your life." He paused. "I love Ella, I really do. And I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I know she's younger than me and we come from different backgrounds, but those things don't seem to matter. She makes me happy and I think I make her happy too."

Kathryn smiled. "I think you do." She then laughed softly.

Justin questioned. "What is it?"

"I'm just thinking what you said to me about Chakotay, how different you thought we were, how it wouldn't work..."

Justin smiled too. "So I did." He then fell serious. "Experience can change us. Although, the differences between Ella and I are nothing compared to the differences between you and Chakotay..." He paused. "I just hope that I can be all that Ella needs. She's so fragile and I know only too well how much the wounds she bears need love to heal.

Kathryn took his hand again. "I'm sure you'll be everything she needs and more. You're a good man, Justin. She'll be as lucky to have you as you'll be to have her."

* * *

The sun was hot and dazzling. Arlei raised her hand to her brow to shield her sensitive violet eyes from the rays and approached Chakotay. He was busy carving a second eagle out of a unique golden wood he had discovered on this uninhabited planet. He and Arlei had decided to make camp on the planet as they waited for the wormhole to stabilize enough for them to travel through it. They had been on the planet now for over three weeks and while it was a true paradise, full of all kinds of wonders, they were both eager to continue their journey.

Chakotay saw her approach and held up the eagle. "Almost done..."

"They're wonderful, Chakotay," Arlei said, truly impressed by his craftsmanship. "Really wonderful."

"I know Silvie and Stevie are too young to appreciate them now, but one day they will." He paused. "It's their first birthday today. I can't help wonder what they're doing. I'm sure that Kathryn will have made a party for them." He lowered the eagle to the ground. "I just wish I could be there..."

"Well," Arlei smiled, "perhaps you can be sooner than you think. The wormhole's stabilized."

Chakotay looked up at her and smiled. "Then we'd better pack up and leave for it as soon as we can!"

* * *

The wormhole glowed in the distance, an array of blue and while light. Chakotay looked at it through the viewscreen and hoped it was still stable enough for them to enter it. He was detecting some unwanted fluctuations. He spoke to Arlei over the comm system. When she had first arrived, they had thought about traveling together in her shuttle, which was slightly more advanced than the Delta Flyer and had more living space, including two bunk bedrooms, but in the end they had decided it would be better to keep both ships in the event of coming into contact with a hostile species. Two ships would offer greater defence than one.

"I'm detecting fluctuations. Is it safe to go in?"

Arlei responded. "There is gathering disturbance but it shouldn't be severe enough yet to be a danger to us if we go in now. We might experience some turbulence, but nothing more."

Chakotay absorbed this. "Then let's do it. Let's go in." He worked his console. "See you in the Delta Quadrant."

Arlei's voice smiled. "See you there, partner."

Communication terminated and the flyer quickly soared to maximum warp and entered the wormhole. Lights flashed before him, and the flyer began to rock from side to side.

Then the turbulence stopped and Chakotay found himself in open space, nothing to see but stars and white specks of asteroids. He checked sensors and found that Arlei was close by.

Arlei's voice sounded. "Arlei to Chakotay. Everything went to plan my end. There's no damage to my vessel. What's your status?"

"The same," Chakotay replied. "It was a bumpy ride but no damage to the flyer."

"Shall we go on as planned to the second wormhole or do you want to wait a while? If you thought the last ride was bumpy, this one's going to be ten times worse."

"Let's go on," Chakotay answered. "The sooner we're out of here, the better. The presence of the Voril in this region makes me uncomfortable."

* * *

Silvie and Stevie lay fast asleep in their cot, the excitement of the day having exhausted them. Kathryn watched them sleep for a while, and then made her way downstairs. To her surprise, she found Ella sitting in the living room alone. The young woman got to her feet when she saw Kathryn enter.

"Ella," Kathryn said as the doors closed behind her, "I thought you'd left with Celes."

"I told her to go on without me. I was hoping I could talk to you about something."

"Of course," Kathryn said, gesturing to the couch. "Please, sit..."

Ella sat again and Kathryn sat in a comfortable armchair beside her.

"It's about Justin," she began hesitantly. "I think he's going to propose to me. He's been talking about marriage a lot lately and I just get that impression."

Kathryn smiled. "And how would you feel if he did...propose...?"

"I don't know," Ella replied. "I think happy, but scared too..."

"About what in particular?"

"About not being enough for him but at the same time being too much..."

"I felt the same way with Chakotay," Kathryn said gently. "But all my fears were needless. His love, and mine for him, dissolved them."

Tears welled in Ella's eyes. "But I'm not as strong as you. You're amazingly strong and courageous."

Kathryn got up now, went to sit beside her, and took Ella's hands in hers. "You're just as strong as me, Ella. And you're just as courageous. Look at what you've been through. It took immense courage to go back to Starfleet. Some people held captive with me never did..."

A tear ran down Ella's cheek. "I can only ever wish to be as strong as you. I'm not. I get so scared."

Kathryn squeezed her hands. "And you think I don't? There were times in the Delta Quadrant when I was really terrified. But bravery doesn't lie in having no fear, it lies in being afraid but doing something regardless. Without fear, there can be no courage. If we're not scared, we can't be brave."

"I never thought of it like that," Ella replied. She then looked up at her former captain. "Where there really times when you were scared?"

"Absolutely." She paused. "Everyone gets scared. And you have more reasons than most."

"Do you think I would be a good wife to him?"

"I know you would be," Kathryn smiled, "and a wonderful mother to little Heidi."

At the mention of the child's name, Ella smiled. "I have come to love her so much... both of them..."

"Then I think you have your answer," Kathryn said kindly.

Ella nodded and smiled. "I think I do." She then got to her feet. "I won't keep you. Thank you for listening."

Kathryn got to her feet. "There's no need to leave so soon. There's plenty of cake left over. How about we have a slice with a cup of tea?"

"I would love too," Ella replied, "but I promised Celes I wouldn't be long. We're going to an opera at nine."

"Lovely," Kathryn said kindly. She put her hand on Ella's shoulder. "Let's go to the transporter room."

She began to walk to the transporter room and Ella followed.

* * *

After Ella had left, Kathryn went back into the living room and opened a channel to Justin's home. Heidi answered the incoming hail, all dressed for bed in a pretty pink pyjamas. The doll Seven had given her was in her arms, and the little girl smiled when she recognised the face before her.

"Hello, Kathryn."

Kathryn smiled at her. "Hello, Miss Tighe."

"Are Silvie and Stevie in bed?"

"Fast asleep," Kathryn replied. "And looks like you're ready for bed yourself."

Heidi nodded.

"I like your pjyamas."

Heidi looked down at them proudly. "Grandma gave them to me."

Kathryn heard Justin's voice in the background. "Heidi, who are you..." Then she saw him on the viewscreen. "Kathryn."

Kathryn smiled. "I just wanted to let you know that if you put a certain question to a certain lady, the answer is most likely to be positive."

Justin's eyes lit up and then his whole face lit up with a smile. "Thank you, Kath. Thank you so much..."

"You're welcome. " She saw that Justin was holding a children's book in his hands. "Bedtime reading?"

Justin held up the book. "Dorothy and the Wizard of OZ." He then raised his daughter into his arms. "You're enjoying it, aren't you, honey?"

Heidi nodded. "Dorothy's been taken by wind to a land where there are witches and fairies and talking animals."

Kathryn smiled. "Then I'll let you both continue the adventure. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Kath," Justin replied. "And thank you again." He turned to Heidi. "Say goodnight to Kathryn."

"Goodnight, Kathryn."

"Goodnight, sweetheart."

Kathryn then terminated the connection and the screen faded.

* * *

The second wormhole was now in sight, a speck of blue in the distance, but growing larger by the second. Chakotay was just about to contact Arlei when she contacted him.

"The wormhole is fairly stable," she said, "but the turbulence will be worse than I thought. While my ship should get through it no problem, I don't recommend you fly faster than warp 3."

"Acknowledged," Chakotay replied.

"It's also possible that when we come out of it, the force will catapult us light years apart. To prevent that, I suggest we enter side by side and mutually tractor each other. That will give us greater stability and increase our likelihood of ending up in the same place."

"Good thinking. I'll align my ship with yours."

He worked the helm and in minutes the two ships were side by side. He then activated a tractor beam.

"Tractoring now," he said, and watched on screen as the tractor beam attached to Arlei's ship.

"Likewise," Arlei's voice said.

On the same screen, Chakotay saw Arlei's tractor beam attach to his ship.

"Looks like we're set," he said. "On the count of five we'll enter at warp 3." He then began to count. "One, two, three, four...five..."

On five, both ships slowly moved towards the wormhole, then gathered speed and disappeared inside.

* * *

The ride was rough and Chakotay was violently jostled in his seat. But the tractor beams did their job and held the two ships together as they ploughed through the pulsating wormhole. Chakotay was glad when the blue swirls on the screen before him changed into white streaming stars and the nauseous rocking ended. Wiping his brow, he established a link with Arlei and began to disengage the tractor.

"Disengaging tractor," he said, "slowing to impulse."

"Doing the same," Arlei replied.

"Looks like we've made it somewhere," he said, working his console. "Let's see where exactly..."

He did a quick analysis of their location and his stomach sank when he saw where they were.

"I don't believe it," he said anxiously.

Arlei questioned. "What's wrong?"

"We're in the heart of Cardassian space."

"Those you were fighting against in the Maquis?"

"That's them," Chakotay answered. "There's several Cardassian vessels in the vicinity. If we can detect them, then they've probably detected us." He got to his feet. "We'll have to abandon the flyer. Only your vessel has a cloak and we're going to need one."

A beep suddenly sounded. "Incoming transmission."

It had to be from the Cardassians. "They've found us," he said. "Transport me to your ship and then bring the cloak online..."

A violent jolt suddenly shook the flyer.

"I'm under attack," Arlei said, "trying to..."

Chakotay then felt the familiar tingle of transportation and dematerialized. When he rematerialized, he expected to find himself in Arlei's shuttle, but to his horror he found himself face to face with two aggressive looking male Cardassians. One of them spoke, his voice as harsh as his countenance.

"What is your purpose in our space?"

Chakotay answered as calmly as he could. "Just passing through on my way to the Federation."

Another Cardassian male stepped out from the shadows and glared at Chakotay, phaser at the ready. "Not so tough now are you, Maquis Warrior?"

"Marolak," Chakotay said bitterly.

The man stepped closer and put his phaser to Chakotay's chest. "For months you and your vagabonds terrorized me without mercy, destroying my ships and killing my men. But looks like the time has come for me to make you pay." He punched Chakotay hard in the stomach, making him keel over in agony. "And make you pay I will, Maquis."

He was about to kick Chakotay when one of the other men seized him. "No. We don't want to antagonize the Federation by harming him."

Moralak freed himself from the man's grasp. "You think anyone will care about him? He's nothing but vermin Maquis..."

"There was another ship. He wasn't alone..."

"I don't give a damn whether there was a whole fleet, Karlik! He's going to get what's coming to him..."

The other man spoke now. "But at the expense of yourself? You'll be killed if you act unofficially and antagonize the Federation. Haven't you suffered enough? Haven't we all?"

"I'm not letting him get away with what he did, Lorik!"

Chakotay tried to get to his feet, but Moralak viciously knocked him down. "I'm going to revenged on you, Maquis, I swear it..."

"This isn't the way," Lorik continued, "send him to Vorlita. That way you'll be above reproach..."

"No," Moralak cried. "No I..." He then stopped and laughed coldly. "Yes. Yes, that's it. We'll send him to Vorlita."

Karlik spoke. "But Vorlita's a prison. What grounds do we have?"

"Acts of violence against Cardassians," Moralak replied. "No one will question that. He has a history." He kicked Chakotay violently in the shin. "And the Federation will no more want to antagonize the situation than our superiors. They won't make a war over the death of a Maquis traitor." He turned to Lorik. "Open a channel to Vorlita. Tell them we have a prisoner they are to take especial delight in torturing." He picked Chakotay up with his strong arms and got him against the wall. "By the time they've finished with you, you're going to wish you were never born." He seized Chakotay's head and slammed it hard against the wall. A blackness fell before Chakotay's eyes, and he drifted into unconsciousness...

**END OF PART ONE**


	39. Providence: Part Two

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT**

**PROVIDENCE**  
**Part Two**

All was blurr...pain... Chakotay sat up slowly and put his hand to his aching head as he tried to make out where he was. Wherever it was, it was cold and dark. The fuzz before his eyes cleared and he saw that he was in a small, dark, stone cell that was illuminated only by a couple of sconces. There was no window. There was only a large black metal door in the wall. Behind him was a dirty looking black mattress, and beside it a bowl of water and a chipped orange cup. Floating on the water were several bugs and a legion crawled on the floor.

Chakotay shivered in the cold and drew himself to the wall, sitting with his back against it. He had thought there could be no worse prison than the one he had been kept in by the Kobali, but this one certainly qualified. As he looked around, taking in every detail, he wondered if this was what all Cardassian prisons were like, wondered if this is where Kathryn and Ella and so many others had been tortured...

Suddenly, the sound of a key in the lock tore across the deafening silence, and the heavy black door opened. As it did so, a male Cardassians entered, carrying a large whip in his hands, and was followed by two more Cardassians dressed in matching brown uniforms.

The man who was clearly the superior, glared at Chakotay. "Get to your feet."

Chakotay reluctantly got to his feet. He wanted to defy the man, but if he did he would only make things worse for himself. He had to try and stay alive. As far as he knew, Arlei had not been taken. She would therefore know that he had been, and would relay that message back home. A rescue party would be sent for him, and he would be reunited with Kathryn and his family. He had always said he would die for them. Now he had to live for them, despite what it cost his pride.

"There's only one thing worse than torture," the man said, stepping forward and pointing the tip of his whip at Chakotay's chest. "And that's watching someone you love being tortured instead."

Chakotay swallowed. Had they caught Arlei after all? Did they believe she was his lover?

The man turned to the door. "Ervika!"

Another Cardassian man entered, but it wasn't Arlei he brought in with him. It was a thin human woman with long black hair that fell beyond her waist. Chakotay could hardly breathe when the woman's eyes looked into his and he recognized her. Rennay. His dear, beloved, sister... She clearly recognized him too and unspeakable joy filled her dark eyes as she looked at him. Chakotay longed to take her in his arms and hold her tight, but he had to stifle the overwhelming emotions he felt. He had to fight them, had to pretend that she was nothing to him...

"Recognize her?"

Chakotay turned to the Cardassian. "Should I?"

The man snapped his whip. "Don't lie to me. She's your sister."

Chakotay met his hard gaze. "Really? Think you know my family better than I?"

"DNA doesn't lie!"

"I only have one living sister. All my other siblings were murdered by your people."

The man leant over Chakotay, his hand against the wall. "You take me for a fool."

"No, I think you take me for one. You just want me to believe she's my sister."

The man drew away from him in frustration and turned to Rennay. "Is this your brother?"

Rennay didn't answer. The man snapped his whip at her. "I said is this your brother?"

Rennay nodded fearfully.

"With you threatening her like that," Chakotay said, "she'd say she's the Borg Queen."

"Tell him," the man cried. "Tell him your name..."

Rennay said nothing.

"Tell him!"

"Rennay," she cried. "Rennay..."

"Rennay's dead," Chakotay answered. "She was murdered by your people."

Anger boiling now, the man grabbed Rennay and got her against the wall. He called to his two servants. "Irlik, Parin..."

The two men stepped forward and pulled Rennay's arms to the side, holding her against the wall by an arm each.

"I'll give you one more chance," the man said. "Is she your sister?"

"No," Chakotay answered. "She's not my sister."

The man bit his lip angrily, and then unleashed his rage on Rennay. He whipped her frantically, tearing the thin fabric of her black clothing until it hung in shreds and seeped with blood. Rennay screamed in agony and Chakotay could only watch in horror. He clenched his fists, fighting the rage, fighting the urge to retaliate...

Breathless, the Cardassian finally stopped and turned to his prisoner. "Still say she's not your sister?"

Chakotay had to struggle to find his voice. "She's not my sister."

Rennay was weeping now and every sob knifed Chakotay's heart, but he had to do this, he had to pretend he didn't know her, otherwise they would only make her suffer more...

The man held up his whip. "I'll go on whipping her until you tell the truth."

Chakotay once again met his cold stare. "Her loss."

There was a long silence, then the man lowered his whip. "I see you have a hard heart. You will not be affected by the torture of others. That means only one thing. We torture you instead."

He turned back to his men. "Take her away."

The men dragged a crying and bleeding Rennay away. When they were gone, the cruel Cardassian turned to his prisoner.

"You will be humbled," he said coldly. "This time tomorrow you'll be begging me for mercy."

With that, he and Ervika left, locking the heavy black metal door behind them.

* * *

The silence was suffocating, the cold consuming. How much time had passed since they had brought Rennay to him, Chakotay didn't know. In this cold silent darkness, time seemed suspended.

Rennay.

She had been raped and murdered by the Cardassians, that's what he had been told. Raped and murdered. Not for a moment had he thought she was still alive. If he had known, if he had merely only suspected, he would have searched for her and not stopped until he found her.

The emotion was overpowering, joy, grief, pain... Ten years of being held captive by the Cardassians. He couldn't imagine a worse horror... Perhaps death would have been kinder... But he had seen spirit in her eyes. He had seen the will to live...

A key suddenly turned in the lock and the heavy metal door opened. Chakotay looked up and saw a Cardassian man enter, a black blanket under his arm. He closed the door and threw the blanket to Chakotay.

"I'm going to help you get out of here. Put that over you. It's not much of a disguise, but it'll help conceal you in the shadows if someone comes, but no one ever comes down here at night..."

Chakotay frowned, not understanding. "Why do you want to help me?"

"Don't you recognize me?"

Chakotay shook his head.

"Bokatra. You saved my life..."

Chakotay had to think a moment. "Tokanra?"

The man nodded.

"I appreciate you putting yourself at risk like this for me," Chakotay said, getting to his feet. "But I can't leave without my sister. I can't take the chance that if they find me gone, they'll kill her."

"We'll get her on the way. I know where they're keeping her." He helped Chakotay fix the blanket over him. "They're going to kill you tomorrow. If you don't get out now, you never will." He opened the door and looked outside before venturing into a stone corridor that was dripping with water. "It's clear," he said. "Come."

Chakotay followed Bokatra into the corridor, and the friendly Cardassian took Chakotay's arm and hurried him down the narrow dark passage way. They passed black metal door after black metal door, and followed a winding corridor, turning, turning, turning. At last Bokatra stopped outside one of the doors and put his key into the lock. All the doors evidently had the same lock. The door opened and he pushed Chakotay inside before entering himself.

As soon as Chakotay entered the cell, he saw Rennay lying on a dirty mattress, weeping. Her thin body was still bleeding and she was shivering violently. He hurried over to her and touched her hair as though he was touching something sacred.

"Rennay," he whispered. "My Rennay."

Rennay stirred beneath him and tried to sit up. Chakotay helped her and then held her against him as gently as he could.

"We're getting out of here," he said, "we're getting out."

He gently picked his sister up and Rennay held tight around his neck. Chakotay kissed her and then turned to Bokatra, indicating they were ready. Bokatra pulled the blanket to cover as much of Rennay as was possible, and then, after checking the passage way was clear, held the door open for Chakotay to carry her into the corridor. Bokatra then took the lead, and Chakotay followed him down the increasingly wet tunnel.

After walking for a few minutes, they came to what seemed a dead end.

"There's a stairway," Bokatra said, "through this door."

He opened the last black metal door and ushered Chakotay inside. Something furry brushed against Chakotay's leg and hurried into the shadows. Chakotay looked around. Before him was a black stairway illuminated by dim electric lights that seemed to wind up into oblivion.

"It's an emergency exist," Bokatra explained. "It's never used. No one comes here. But it's the first place they'll look when they find you gone. Make your way up them as quickly as you can. There's a door at the top. I'll meet you there."

Chakotay smiled gratefully. "I really do appreciate this. Thank you."

"You saved my life when you could have killed me. I owe you." He broke away from Chakotay and glanced anxiously into the corridor. "Now go. Every wasted moment is a moment closer to them finding you."

With that he disappeared through the door and Chakotay heard it lock as he left.

When he was gone, Chakotay looked up at the the stairs and wondered just how far it was to the top. It seemed an agonizingly long way...

He looked down at Rennay and spoke gently. "It's a long way up. I'm going to have to put you over my shoulder, okay?"

Rennay nodded. Chakotay lowered her to the ground and then lifted her over his shoulder. When he was certain she was secure, he began to climb the stairs.

* * *

Sweat poured down Chakotay's face as he climbed the stairs. Up and up and up. The stairs kept on winding. His body was in agony, but determination kept him going...

At last, at long long last, he saw the top of the stairs and the door that Bokatra had mentioned. He climbed the last few stairs and, just as he was reaching the top, the door opened and Bokatra appeared.

"My shuttle's close by," he said. "But guards are on their way. They patrol these grounds every night. If they see us, that's it, we're all dead. But if they see me walking to my shuttle alone, and a few minutes later see it take off, they'll never suspect I was involved in your escape. Shuttles rarely come and go here, everything must be considered..." He peeped outside. "I can see them approach in the distance. I'm going to have to go now. I'll light up my shuttle when I'm in it and when the guards have passed, make your way to it. I can't transport you. We have a security shield around this place that logs any unauthorized transportation. Stay in the shadows, make sure they don't see you..." He threw Chakotay the key. "Lock the door after you."

With that, he wandered into the darkness.

Chakotay closed the door and listened hard to the footsteps outside that were getting louder. The nearer they got, the louder they echoed around. Then the sound began to fade...they had clearly passed. Chakotay waited a few moments and then opened the door. He looked out into the night. There was no one around. Just as he had said, Bokatra had lit up his shuttle. Chakotay quickly put the key into the lock, turned it, and then hurried as fast as he could with Rennay to the shuttle. The doors were open and he stepped inside. As soon as he was in, Bokatra shut the doors and the shuttle took off.

Chakotay threw Bokatra the key and then gently lay Rennay on the floor. Breathless, he turned to Bokatra. "Where now?"

"The dunes. They'll never look for you there. And it's on my flight path home. If they trace my flight tonight, they'll find no deviance."

"If they search for us, they'll be able to detect us by our lifesigns..."

"Not if you wear a frequency scatterer and set it to 7789.09. Your people won't be able to trace you either, but you can use your commbadge to send a homing signal so they can find you." He turned to Chakotay and threw him two small round badges. "I always keep them in my shuttle, just incase..."

Chakotay smiled. "Thank you." He studied the unfamiliar device and found it opened to reveal a small computer. He looked up at Bokatra. "What was that setting again?"

"7789.09"

Chakotay activated the two devices and set them to that frequency. Then he pinned one to Rennay and to himself.

"I could do with some water," he said. "And a medkit..."

"There's no time," Bokatra answered. "We're almost at the dunes. When I transport you, I'll transport everything you'll need to survive the same time."

Rennay was shivering and Chakotay gently put his hand to her brow and caressed her softly. She closed her eyes at his gentle touch, his tenderness soothing her.

"I'll never forget this," Chakotay said. "Thank you."

"As I said, I owe you." He worked his console. "We're there now. Initializing transport..."

Before Chakotay could answer, he felt the tingle of transportation and dematerialized.

When he rematerialized, he found himself on black sand, a scorching sun glaring down on him. It was clearly day on this part of the planet. Rennay was beside him and several silver containers beside her. Chakotay went over to the containers and began opening them, looking for some water. He was terribly thirsty and knew Rennay had to be too. He opened all the containers looking for water, but found only a replicator. He pulled out the replicator and asked for a 2 litre bottle of water and two cups. The less demands he made of the replicator, the longer it would serve them without power replenishment. It could be months before they were rescued.

He opened the bottle of water and filled a cup to the brim. Rennay was trying to sit up and Chakotay helped her. He then gave her the cup and she gladly drank the refreshing water. When she had finished, he poured a cup full for himself and gulped it down. He then picked up a medkit he had found while looking for water and opened it.

"Your wounds are just flesh wounds," he said to Rennay. "I can heal them with a dermal regenerator, but first I need to wash them."

He reached into the medkit and pulled out a gray plastic sheet that had been folded small. Rennay watched as he opened it up and spread it out across the sand beside her. He then turned back to her.

"Let's lie you down on this."

He held out his arms to her, and Rennay grabbed hold of him as she shuffled onto the sheet. Every movement stung her frail body, but the only indication of pain was the light gasps she made. Chakotay gently lay her down and then used the water in the bottle to wash his hands. He then replicated a bowl of warm water containing antiseptic, a white cloth, and a towel. He dried his hands and then prepared a hypospray that would put Rennay to sleep so he could treat her wounds.

"This will make you sleepy," he said, ""so that I can treat your wounds without hurting you."

When it was done, he put his hand to his sister's cheek.

"Don't be afraid. You're safe with me."

Rennay gave a wan smile and Chakotay saw no fear in her eyes, only trust. Assured that she was comfortable with what was happening, he put the hypospray to her neck, and she slowly drifted into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

After successfully treating Rennay, Chakotay put up a small shelter Bokatra had left them. The shelter was a dull black and from the air would look invisible amongst the sand. He didn't want the gleaming containers to jeopardize their safety, so once the shelter was erected, he began to move them inside. Each one was slightly smaller than the other and they fixed inside each other perfectly. They hardly took up any room in the shelter at all. Bokatra had thought of everything.

When all the containers and their contents were inside, Chakotay began to sort out the interior. It was dark inside so he replicated a lamp. Then he replicated two soft mattresses and lay them on the floor. There had been a couple of blankets in the containers, so he put those over the mattresses. Then he replicated a small table, two stools and a fan. It was hot on this part of the planet. They wouldn't need a heater.

Rennay looked around the shelter and smiled happily at what she saw.

"You must be hungry," Chakotay said. "I'll replicate us some soup and bread." Rennay was terribly thin and he had no idea how much or how little she had been fed all these years. He didn't want her to eat more than her body could cope with.

He went over to the replicator and asked for two bowls of vegetable soup with a large plate of sliced bread rolls. When they materialized, he carried them over to the table, and sat on a stool, ready to eat. Rennay joined him and smiled warmly at him before picking up her spoon and tucking into the delicious soup.

* * *

Once the sun had gone down, the air had grown colder. It was still not cold enough to need a heater, but the fan was now redundant. Chakotay lay in his makeshift bed and the stillness, the silence, quietened the noise in his mind. He had been awake for more hours than he could count, but despite the exhaustion of his body, he couldn't sleep. Rennay slept close by and he gazed at her silhouetted form in the dimmed light of the lamp. It was truly a gift from the gods to have her here with him like this, but he couldn't help wonder about all she had been through. There were so many questions he wanted answers too, but he knew now was not the time or the place. A lump gathered in his throat as he thought of the talkative affectionate little girl who had followed him around, even when he hadn't wanted her too, and the beautiful young woman who had stolen the heart of almost every man in his tribe, and this silent painfully thin woman she now was. He longed for her to talk to him, just a word...

Then, unexpectedly, she did. Just a word. His name.

"Chakotay..."

He sat up a little. "Yes?"

"Can I... Can I sleep next to you...like when I was little?"

Tears welled in Chakotay's eyes. "Of course."

At that, Rennay got out of her bed and onto her knees. She pushed her mattress next to his and then climbed back into bed. Chakotay lay down and, as he did so, felt Rennay gather close to him. She lay her head on his chest and wrapped her arm tight around his waist. She had often snuggled up to him like this when she was a little girl and was afraid. Chakotay put his arm around her and felt her frail body relax into his embrace.

"I knew you would come for me," Rennay whispered. "I knew one day you would come."

A tear ran down Chakotay's cheek and fell into her long black hair.

* * *

The garden was quiet, but Kathryn was glad of the solitude as she sat with Silvie in a comfortable wicker chair. Roxa and Vixi had gone to the beach and Stevie was with his grandparents for the day, so she had her daughter all to herself for the afternoon. Suddenly, Petal began to bark and ran towards the house.

"Looks like we might have a visitor," Kathryn said to Silvie. She got to her feet, Silvie in her arms, and made her way into the house. As she did so, she heard the door bell ring.

"Just as I thought..."

She peeped into the security monitor and saw that it was Justin and Ella. Holding Silvie in one arm, she opened the door with the other.

"Justin, Ella," she smiled. "Come in."

"I hope we're not disturbing you," Justin said.

"Not at all," Kathryn replied. "I was just sitting in the garden with Silvie." She gestured to the living room. "Please, come through..."

"No, we won't stop," Justin said. "We just wanted to give you the good news in person."

Ella held out her left hand to Kathryn and a diamond ring glittered in the light. "We're getting married."

Kathryn smiled happily. "That's wonderful. Congratulations." She kissed Ella's cheek and then Justin's. "I'm so happy for you both."

"We've decided we want to get married right away," Justin said. "We both want a civil union so are going to get married next week in a small registry office in Scotland and stay there for a few days. We just want it to be a private affair, no guests...well, except Heidi and her grandmother, of course."

Ella looked at Kathryn, concern in her eyes. "I hope you're not offended..."

"Of course not," Kathryn replied. "I'm delighted for you both, I really am."

* * *

A soft wind had covered the shelter with sand during the night, and Chakotay brushed it away while Rennay sat in the sun plaiting her long hair.

Suddenly, Chakotay felt the tingle of transportation and within seconds found himself on a familiar ship. He looked around and saw Arlei looking back at him. She was standing at the helm and smiled, warmth and relief in her eyes. "Welcome aboard."

Chakotay stepped off the transporter pad, his concern for Rennay making him abrupt. "My sister," he said. "We've got to get my sister..."

Arlei questioned. "Your sister?"

"Frequency 7789.09... at my location..."

Arlei didn't understand what was going on, but didn't doubt the urgency in Chakotay's voice. She turned to the console, tuned into the frequency, and found a human female lifesign.

"Initializing transport."

Chakotay turned to the transport pad and watched as Rennay materialized. She was standing up, a frightened look on her face. When she saw Chakotay, it dissipated a little, but she was still visually trembling. Chakotay went over to her and took her in his arms, holding her gently against him.

"It's alright," he whispered. "We're safe now, we're safe..."

He kissed her hair and then drew away from her to address Arlei.

"There's a shelter and some other things on the surface we need to transport. We can't leave anything behind. It would put the one who helped us in great danger."

Arlei worked the console again and scanned the region where she had found Chakotay and his sister.

"The shelter's too big to transport," she said. "How about I vaporize everything? That will leave no trace."

"Good idea."

Arlei initialized vaporization.

"Vaporization complete," she said.

Chakotay went over to the helm and began to analyze their location. "We're approximately only a week away from the Federation border if we travel towards Talarian space." It would take at least twice that to reach the demilitarized zone and, besides, he wanted Rennay to be examined by the Doctor before he took her back to Trebus. Medical care in his tribe was rather primitive. "Will the cloak hold that long?"

"Affirmative," Arlei replied. "We've enough energy reserves to last four weeks."

Chakotay's fingers worked busily. "At maximum warp, it should then only take us a further two weeks to reach Earth." His fingers worked again. "I've plotted us a course." He got to his feet and put his hand on Arlei's shoulder. "You did well to find us, Arlei. Very well. I didn't think help would come for a long time. I thought we'd have to wait for you to return to the Federation first and let everyone know what had happened."

"Once I'd cloaked my ship, they couldn't detect me," Arlei replied. "I traced your lifesign to one of their ships, but couldn't transport you because of their shield. I followed the ship to this planet, but lost track of you once they'd transported you to the surface. I realized they must have taken you somewhere with high security. With my superior technology, I tried to find that location by performing intense scans of the planet. It took a while, but I did manage to find it, or at least what I believed to be the place as it was the only place on this planet with a shield I couldn't penetrate. It took me hours to break the security code, and when I did, I still couldn't detect your lifesign. I started to get really worried now as I thought they might have killed you, but then sensors detected your lifesign briefly. I tried to get a lock on you, but there was a strong shield interfering with transporters, and I lost your lifesign again before I could. I performed detailed scans of the shuttlecraft I believed you were in, and found there was only one person onboard, a Cardassian. I realized then that either you'd been killed and your body abandoned, or you'd been transported somewhere else. I did more scans, more searches, but couldn't find you. Then it occurred to me to look for a Starfleet homing signal, and that's when I found you."

"Good work," Chakotay smiled. "And it was very brave of you to come looking for me. Thank you."

Arlei smiled warmly and then turned to Rennay. "So, this is your sister?"

"Yes," Chakotay replied "Rennay."

Arlei went over to the woman and held out her hand. "I'm Arlei."

Rennay took her hand and shook it, but said nothing.

Arlei questioned. "What were you doing in this space? Were you taken prisoner too?"

Chakotay answered. "Rennay was taken by the Cardassians when they attacked our homeworld ten years ago."

A saddness filled Arlei's eye as she understood the implication of that. "I'm sorry."

"The Cardassians brought her to me as they wanted to torture me by torturing her."

Arlei swallowed. The Cardassians did indeed appear to be the brutes she had been told they were.

"We managed to escape with the help of a Cardassian I once saved when I was a Maquis. Not all Maquis members were fighting for the freedom of their homeworlds. Many were fighting because they wanted to fight. They had no scruples, no morals. They committed acts of violence against civilians, and I happened to be caught up in one. They bombed a Cardassian city without mercy and then left in a blaze of glory, leaving hundreds dead and injured. I took my crew to the surface and instructed them to help as many civilians as they could. Most wouldn't hear of helping, but a few of us did what we could for as long as we could. I freed several people who were trapped under debris and gave urgent medical attention to others. Bokatra was one of them. I wouldn't have remembered him, but he remembered me."

"One good turn rewarded with another," Arlei smiled. Then she made her way back to the helm. "Now, we'd better get out of here!"

Chakotay couldn't agree more. "I second that!"

Arlei powered up engines, and in seconds they were gone.

**END OF PART TWO**


	40. Redemption: Part One

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER THIRTY ****NINE**

**REDEMPTION**  
**Part One**

Tranquil waves lapped a white shore as Kathryn and Seven walked across a sunset beach. Kathryn walked barefoot through the water's edge, holding her sandals in her right hand. She was casually dressed in denim shorts and a blue t-shirt and her now shoulder length hair was swept away from her face in a pony tail. Seven looked rather out of place beside her in a brown catsuit and heels.

"I feel... on display," Seven said as she looked away from the curious glances of by-passers. "Recognition is unsettling."

Kathryn couldn't help smile. "Perhaps if you wore a different outfit, you wouldn't be recognized as much. You no longer have to wear a catsuit all the time."

"Human fashion is more preoccupied with appearance than practicality," Seven replied. "Therefore it is inefficient."

"And a catsuit is efficient for the beach?"

"It is comfortable," Seven answered. "And a change of outfit would not change my facial structure. I would still be recognized."

"Not necessarily. People have a certain image of us. Change that image just slightly and the chances are people won't recognize us." She couldn't help tease again. "Perhaps you could become a red-head."

As Kathryn spoke, a sharp object in the sand dug into her foot, causing her to cry out. "Ouch. Something just went into my foot."

In the sand beneath her foot was a stray piece of silver metal.

"Looks like a piece of debris," Seven said, picking it up.

Kathryn looked at her foot and saw that it was bleeding quite badly. "Damn," she said. "This is what happens when you ignore your mother's warning to never walk barefoot in the sand." She ripped a piece of her t-shirt. "Keep the damn thing safe. We don't want a child to hurt on it." She tied the fabric around her foot. "That should protect it until I can get it treated."

After putting her sandals back on, she looked up at Seven. The former drone was studying the piece of debris intensely.

Kathryn questioned. "What is it?"

"This is no ordinary piece of debris," Seven stated. "It is Borg."

"Borg?"

Seven looked up at Kathryn. "And I believe it is active."

"How do you mean?"

"Not long after my skin came into contact with this object, I felt a surge of energy. In my opinion, it was caused by the sudden entry of nanoprobes into my system."

Kathryn's face paled. "If they entered your body then..."

Seven nodded. "They must also have entered yours."

* * *

Back at Griffy Manor, Kathryn established a comm link with Admiral Montgomery. Within seconds he appeared on the screen, casually dressed in brown trousers and t-shirt, and holding a glass of orange juice in his hands.

"Sorry to disturb your weekend," Kathryn replied, "but something's happened that I must report to you."

"Where are you?"

"At home."

"Meet me in Starfleet Headquarters in about five minutes. Wait outside my office."

"Yes, Sir."

As the connection terminated, Seven turned to Kathryn. "Your foot is still bleeding."

"There's no time to worry about that now," Kathryn replied. "Come on, we need to get to Starfleet Headquarters."

* * *

The white strip of fabric on Kathryn's foot was red with blood now. While she and Seven waited for Montgomery to appear, she tore off another strip of t-shirt and tied it around the wound. As she did so, Montgomery materialized.  
"Admiral Janeway, Seven of Nine," he said formally. He glanced at the piece of debris and the wound on Kathryn's foot and immediately analyzed the situation.

"Admiral Montgomery," Kathryn said, "it's good of..."

"Let's not talk here," he said, opening the doors to his office. "Corridors are dangerous places."

He hurried into his office and Kathryn and Seven followed. As the doors closed behind them, Montgomery turned to them.

"It's imperative that you discuss this incident with no one."

Kathryn frowned. "I haven't even told you what's happened yet..."

"You don't need too. It's obvious."

"It is?"

"While at the beach this evening, you cut your foot on a piece of debris that Seven of Nine recognizes to be Borg and carrying active nanoprobes."

"Well observed," Seven said.

"There's more to this than observation," Kathryn surmised. "What's going on?"

Montgomery was a moment in answering. "What I'm about to tell you is top secret. You must both promise not to tell anyone."

"You have my word," Kathryn replied.

"Mine too," Seven said.

Montgomery then began. "Several years ago, it came to our attention that Borg debris in our habitat carries active Borg nanoprobes that enter a humanoid's body when they come into contact with the debris. So far, no one carrying the nanoprobes, or the "Borg virus" as we prefer to call it, has been assimilated. Therefore we believe the nanoprobes lie dormant until they are activated by the Borg Queen."

"Such a method of assimilation sounds highly implausible," Seven responded. "Never was such a method employed while I was a drone. Assimilation needs to be direct from one drone to another."

"We have considered that," Admiral Montgomery replied. "If this is atypical of the Borg, then it may have been a unique method employed directly as a result of the mission to assimilate Earth in 2063."

"That is more plausible," Seven replied. "The Borg adapt methods as is necessary. Evolution is crucial to survival."

Kathryn interrupted. "If this Borg virus has been infecting people for centuries, without any consequence, then why is this being kept as classified information?"

"For many reasons," Admiral Montgomery replied. "Firstly we do not want to cause mass hysteria. Secondly, we do not wish this knowledge to reach the Borg. Thirdly, we are in the middle of an operation to apprehend a usurper queen."

Seven questioned. "Usurper Queen?"

"I can say no more," he replied. "But this individual may approach you and entice you to join her. If she does, then report immediately to me with all she says and does."

Now Kathryn questioned. "Are you saying that a woman here on Earth wishes to become the next Borg Queen?"

Admiral Montgomery flinched. "Next? How do you know of the Royal Protocol?"

"Seven...Anneka... told me. I was curious to know how the Queen could still exist when she had been killed by Captain Picard."

"I see," he replied. "Then you will know how a successor is chosen."

"But she must be Borg," Seven interrupted. "She must be a drone who is favored by the existent Queen. This woman cannot be the Queen if she is not Borg."

"We believe she is Borg," Montgomery clarified. "We believe she has assimilated herself...or rather with some help from an EMH Mark One. We believe she has transformed her body into Borg and intends to try and become the Queen the next time the Queen is killed. She will then activate the virus that is dormant and begin to assimilate Earth."

Kathryn shivered. "I'm sure you have your reasons for these conclusions, but they seem highly implausible. What kind of woman would want to do something like this?"

"The kind of woman this woman is," Montgomery answered.

"But if you know who she is," Kathryn continued, "why not apprehend her?"

"Because we're not absolutely certain it's her. We need to be certain before we act..." He paused. "And I have said too much already. All this is highly classified. I am only telling you because of what has happened today."

"Why not tell me sooner? I have had more runs ins with the Borg than anyone at Starfleet Command and Anneka...Seven... and Icheb were both drones. We could help."

"It's precisely because of your knowledge and experience that we've kept you out of this. As far as we are aware, this individual does not know we know her plans. Bringing you in could make her suspicious. As far as she's concerned, we know only of the virus but are keeping it from the general populace to prevent hysteria."

"Wouldn't it be better to make it public knowledge so that if she does activate the virus, people will be prepared?"

"We do not believe these individuals will become drones right away. We've been researching this virus for the past several years and, while there is still so much we don't know, we don't believe assimilation will be immediate. We believe it will take at least a few hours and exhibit certain physiological changes first. Therefore, we've sent word to every doctor in the Federation to be on their guard for what we've called Xakarian flu. If a patient manifests any of the symptoms, they are to be taken into quarantine at Starfleet Medical hospital, no exceptions. Hopefully, this way we'll be able to gather together all potential drones in one place and keep knowledge of what is happening from the public."

"Is there no way of removing these nanoprobes before they are activated?" Kathryn asked.

"We're working on it. But a "cure", as we're calling it, is still a long way from being perfected."

"Doctor Photon may be able to help," Seven added. "He has had much experience of Borg physiology."

"It would raise suspicion to solicit his help."

"I don't think so," Kathryn said, "quite the contrary. He's the obvious choice. To not ask him could raise suspicion."

Montgomery considered this a moment. "That is a good point. I will recruit him." He paused. "Hopefully, we will be able to apprehend this individual before her plan comes to fruition. But she is dangerous and unpredictable. If you feel any physiological changes at all, then report to Starfleet Medical Hospital immediately. For the safety of the Federation, we must quarantine everyone who shows the symptoms, regardless of rank."

"I understand," Kathryn replied.

Montgomery looked down at Kathryn's bleeding foot. "I won't keep you any longer. You need to get your foot seen too. A regular doctor will suffice. But remember, what I've told you remains between us."

Kathryn nodded. "You have my word, Sir."

* * *

A roaring fire burnt beneath a vast black sky of stars. Arlei and Rennay sat around it, eating hot peanuts Chakotay had boiled on the fire, while he collected firewood. For weeks they had all been cooped up in Arlei's shuttle, so now they had finally reached Federation space, they had decided to spend a few days on an uninhabited planet and just unwind. It had taken them much longer than expected to escape Cardassian space. Maintaining the cloak all day and all night had consumed more power than Arlei had thought it would. They had been forced to take the cloak offline and travel only at a speed of warp 2 until they could find dilithium crystals. While they were searching for the rare mineral, they had been forced to take refuge in a nebula to avoid Cardassian ships. As a result of all this, it had taken them almost two months to reach the Cardassian border, and then a further few days to circumvent Talarian space.

Rennay was still very quiet, but had opened up more and more as the weeks went by. She didn't go into much detail about her life with the Cardassians, but had said enough for Chakotay to draw a rough picture of what had happened to her: She, and several other women who the Cardassians had found pleasing to the eye, had been taken to be used for the pleasure of leading military and political Cardassians. The selected few were subjected to medical tests to make sure they weren't carrying a disease, and then sterilized to prevent pregnancy. Those women who carried a disease were killed, as were those who later refused to attend to the "needs" of their masters. "I did it to stay alive," Rennay had said to him. "I did it in the hope that one day you would come for me." After several years of "serving" her master, he had tired of her and offloaded her to a prison. How long she'd been in prison, and where exactly she'd been held, she didn't know. But she did know it wasn't Vorlita, She said she had only been transferred there when they had caught him. It made Chakotay angry to think what they had done to her, so terribly angry, but he had tried his best not to show his feeling in front of his sister. She needed kindness and support and all the love he could give.

When enough wood was collected, Chakotay joined Arlei and Rennay at the fire. As he scooped himself some hot peanuts into a cup with a ladle, he heard Rennay begin to sing...softly, sweetly. It was a song he knew only too well. A song he and his family had often sung around a fire... He turned to look at his sister and saw that she was gazing into the flames as she sang, a smile on her face, a peace in her eyes. Her voice was so clear, so pure...just as he remembered. All he could do was listen and watch...

When the song ended, she turned to look at her brother and smiled warmly. Chakotay smiled in return, tears stinging his eyes.

* * *

**TWO WEEKS LATER**

Kathryn sat at her desk in her office and opened a channel to the Enterprise E. It had been a hectic couple of hours, and she had important information to relay to Captain Picard.

A few moments later, Jean Luc appeared on the screen before her, a cup and saucer in his hands.

"Admiral Janeway, good to see you."

"Jean-Luc. How'd you like a trip to Romulus?"

"With or without the rest of the fleet?"

"A diplomatic mission. We've been invited, believe it or not. Seems there's been some kind of internal political shake-up. The new praetor, someone called Shinzon, has requested a Federation envoy."

"New praetor?"

Kathryn held up her hand. "There's more. He's Reman. Believe me, we don't understand it either. You're the closest ship, so I want you to go and hear what he has to say. Get the lay of the land. If the Empire becomes unstable, it could mean trouble for the entire quadrant."

"Understood."

"We're sending you all the intelligence we have, but it's not much. I don't need to tell you to watch your back, Jean-Luc."

"Hardly."

"The Son'a, the Borg, the Romulans," Kathryn teased. "you seem to get all the easy assignments."

"Just lucky, Admiral."

"Let's hope that luck holds. Janeway out."

The transmission ended and the screen went blank.

The cup in Jean-Luc's hand had reminded her how thirsty she was, and Kathryn went over to the replicator to replicate herself a drink.

"Tea. Earl Grey."

A cup of tea materialized. As Kathryn picked it up, the computer voice sounded.

"Incoming transmission."

Kathryn returned to her desk again, thinking it was Jean-Luc questioning something...

"Accept."

The screen illuminated and Kathryn was surprised to find Neelix, not Jean-Luc, looking back at her.

"Neelix," she smiled. "This is a surprise."

"I know we're not scheduled to talk until tomorrow," he said, with a distinct excitement in his voice, "but I couldn't wait to tell you." He beamed a smile. "I'm going to be a father."

Kathryn leant forward, delighted at the news. "That's wonderful, Neelix. Congratulations."

"I can scarcely believe it, Admiral. Me, a father? Can you believe it?"

"I certainly can, Neelix. And you're going to be a great father. The best in the Delta Quadrant."

"We're having a little boy. We're going to call him Jarix."

"When will he be arriving?"

"In just under five months time." He glanced behind him. "I have to go now, Admiral, Dexa's here. Speak to you tomorrow."

"Any time, Neelix," Kathryn smiled. "And Congratulations again."

"Thank you," Neelix said happily. Then he terminated the connection.

Kathryn gazed at the blank screen for a moment, her mind engaged in thoughts of what a baby Neelix would look like. He would be adorable, without question, very cuddly and sweet...

The door chime sounded, interrupting her thoughts.

Kathryn picked up her cup of tea, took a sip, and then called out. "Come in."

The doors entered and Brenna Covington came in.

"Good day, Admiral Janeway," she said pleasantly.

Kathryn smiled. "Director Covington."

"I was just wondering if you're free for dinner tomorrow night?"

The unexpected question took Kathryn by surprise. She and Covington hardly knew each other and never socialized.

"I thought it would be good for us to get to know each other a bit better. We may be working together over the next few years."

"We may indeed," Kathryn smiled. "But, working together or not, I would love to come to dinner."

Brenna smiled in return. "My place, 7pm?"

Kathryn gave a nod. "Sounds good."

* * *

The following evening, dressed in a smart white trouser suit, Kathryn arrived on time at Brenna's house. The stone residence was more isolated than she would have imagined. It seemed to be in the middle of nowhere, no other property in sight. She rang the door bell, and then waited for Brenna to appear.

To her surprise, a red-haired man she didn't recognize answered the door instead.

"I'm sorry," Kathryn said apologetically, "I must have got the wrong place. I'm looking for Brenna Covington..."

"No," the man smiled. "You have the right place. And are right on time too!" He held out his hand to her. "I'm Brian Grady, Brenna's partner."

Kathryn felt rather foolish. She should have thought Brenna might not be living alone. "I see," she said, taking his hand. "Pleased to meet you."

The man stepped aside. "Please, come in."

Kathryn entered the house. "It was very good of..." Her words trailed as the lights suddenly went out and the room was plunged into darkness.

Then an eerie green light filled the room and Kathryn gasped in horror at what she saw before her.

Brenna Covington was standing naked in what appeared to be a Borg regeneration chamber. There were no implants on her skin, but two cables ran from her bald skull into her body, and her eyes...her eyes were changed...were cold...

"It's you," Kathryn said quietly.

The self-made Queen stepped out of the chamber.

"You sound surprised. Didn't they tell you? That Montgomery's such a fool. He thinks I don't know he knows. But I know he plans to trap me. But it's too late. I've activated the virus. As we speak, assimilation of Earth has begun."

Kathryn swallowed. "Why are you doing this? Why do you want to be Borg?"

"Because the Hive Mind is the Higher mind. It is perfection. In the Collective there is order and control. In individuality there is chaos and catastrophe. It is better for everyone to be as one. In oneness there is unity. In unity there is peace."

"In individuality there is freedom," Kathryn argued.

"No, in Collectiveness there is freedom. There is freedom from pain. There is freedom from loneliness. There is freedom from abuse. There is freedom from exploitation. There is freedom from longing. There is freedom from fear."

"Life doesn't have to be about pain, loneliness and fear," Kathryn said. "It can be about love, security and happiness."

The Queen scoffed. "Love? There is no love, Admiral. Love is a delusion, a fiction of a lonely mind. There is only hunger. There is only the craving of the mind for stimulation and the lust of the flesh for flesh. There is only a black and dark desire that consumes all reason and righteousness. Remove the hunger, remove the pain. Remove the pain, remove the loneliness. Remove the loneliness, remove the fear."

Kathryn looked at Brenna pitifully. She must only have known pain and fear and loneliness in her life to believe that was true. "Create a state of nothingness so that you feel nothing," Kathryn said firmly, but not unkindly. "Feel nothing, then you fear nothing." She looked deep into Brenna's cold eyes. "What happened to you, Brenna?"

For a moment, a fleeting moment, she saw tears well in the Queen's eyes. Then they were gone.

"Children do not always know what is best for them," she said steely. "What is pleasurable is not always beneficial. Emotion has given you pleasure. You cherish it like a child does a stolen joy. But all things are transient. What gives you pleasure now will one day give you pain."

"I've known pain," Kathryn replied. "I've also known loneliness and fear. But I have also known love and happiness. Joy can never truly be appreciated without pain. In suffering there can be growth."

"In suffering there is only torment," the Queen cried. "In suffering there is anguish and despair! There must be no suffering!"

She suddenly grabbed Kathryn and held her from behind, her arm crushing Kathryn's throat.

"Let me go..."

"You must be assimilated!"

Two finger nails on Brenna's left hand extended into Borg tubules and she put them to Kathryn's neck.

"I have the virus," Kathryn cried, trying to play for time. "There's no need too..."

But her words were wasted. Borg claws dug into Kathryn's neck and she could only scream in agony.

* * *

Gretchen was just about to cut a piece of chocolate cake for herself, Vixi and Roxa, when the living room door opened and Edward came in.

Gretchen looked up at him. "Decided to join us for the evening?"

Edward nodded. "And I've brought a couple of guests..."

He stood aside, and Chakotay entered the room with Rennay.

At the sight of Chakotay, Vixi bounced off the sofa, startling a sleeping Petal at her feet.

"Chakotay!"

She ran over to him happily and wrapped her arms around his neck as he raised her into his arms. "You're home, Chakotay, you're home..."

Petal barked, but quieted when she saw there was no threat.

Edward spoke. "I received a message from Starfleet Command just over an hour ago telling me Chakotay had returned home and was undergoing medical tests. I went in our shuttle to Starfleet Headquarters right away and waited until all procedures were complete."

"I didn't want them to contact Kathryn," Chakotay said as Vixi released her hold on his neck. "I wanted to surprise her."

"And this will be a surprise," Gretchen smiled, tears in her eyes. "A wonderful surprise..." She paused. "But she's not home at the moment. She's having dinner with a colleague."

"So Edward told me," Chakotay replied.

Edward gestured to Rennay. "This is Chakotay's sister, Rennay."

Gretchen held out her hand to the woman who looked a lot like Chakotay and had the same tattoo imprinted on her forehead. "I'm pleased to meet you, Rennay."

Rennay took her hand, smiled, but said nothing.

"Rennay's going to be staying in Bloomington for a few days," Edward added.

Gretchen turned back to Chakotay. "Did you visit your homeworld on your way home?"

"No," Chakotay replied. "We traveled home through the lower region of Cardassian space and circumvented Talarian space. I was taken prisoner by the Cardassians and that's when I was reunited with my sister. She was taken by them when they attacked my homeworld ten years ago."

Gretchen looked at Rennay sadly. "I'm so sorry. You must have been through a terrible ordeal."

Rennay made no answer, and was glad when Vixi diverted attention away from her. "I met your other sister when Kathryn took me and Mama to Trebus. She looked like you too. I liked your planet."

"Thank you," Chakotay smiled.

"Roxa and Vixi have been living here," Gretchen elaborated. "Roxa is Kathryn's housekeeper."

"But now that you're home," Roxa hastily added, "we'll find somewhere of our own..."

Vixi's face fell at that and tears welled in her eyes. She didn't want to leave. She loved living here with Kathryn, Silvie and Stevie. And now Chakotay was home, everything would be perfect...

"I won't hear of it," Chakotay said. "You're both part of the family now."

Roxa smiled and joy once more filled Vixi's eyes.

He then turned to Gretchen. "I'd like to see Silvie and Stevie."

"Of course, "Gretchen smiled. "I'll take you too them."

As Chakotay lowered Vixi to the floor, Roxa spoke. "I'll put Vixi to bed and then prepare a room for Rennay."

Vixi turned to her in protest. "But I'm not sleepy, Mama..." She wanted to go with Chakotay and Rennay to see Silvie and Stevie. "I'm really not..."

"Then you can help me prepare a room for Rennay."

Vixi sighed, realizing she was caught at every turn. "Yes, Mama."

* * *

Silvie and Stevie were fast asleep in the cot Chakotay had made for them when Gretchen showed him and Rennay into the nursery. In soft light, Chakotay looked at them from the doorway, a million emotions swirling in his heart. He slowly walked over to the cot and gazed down at his precious, beautiful, children. Silvie was dressed in a pink body suit and Stevie was dressed in a green. Tears welled in Chakotay's eyes and he studied them both carefully, absorbing every detail. He had missed them so much and for the longest time had thought he would never see them again...

Gretchen put her hand on his shoulder. "Would you like me to wake them?"

"No," Chakotay said quietly, a tear running down his cheek. "Let them sleep... I'll just look at them..."

Gretchen turned back to her grandchildren. "Grown, haven't they?"

Chakotay nodded.

"Stevie looks like you. Everyone notes the resemblance."

Rennay approached the cot and Chakotay looked up at her. She was gazing at the babies in awe.

"This is Silvesta Kolopak," Chakotay said, gesturing to his sleeping son. He then gestured to Silvie. "And your namesake, Silvia Rennay."

Rennay smiled and continued to gaze at them as silent happy tears welled in her eyes.

* * *

All was fog. Heaviness. Kathryn lay on the floor and tried to focus her blurry eyes. Her arms and legs felt like lead and noises gushed in her ears, horrible grinding noise. A green light blinded her and she heard Brenna speak.

"Soon you will be one of us."

"Don't do this," Kathryn said, her voice as weak as her body.

"Soon your mind will be one with the Collective. You will experience perfection."

"Please," Kathryn protested. "Stop what you're doing... For the sake of ..."

But she could say no more. Blackness fell before her eyes and she lost consciousness.

* * *

As soon as her room had been prepared, Rennay had retired for the night. Roxa had finally persuaded Vixi to go to bed and then, wanting to give the Janeway family some privacy, had gone herself.

"So," Gretchen said, handing Chakotay a cup of hot chocolate, "what do you think of the house?"

"Great," Chakotay replied. "I love it." He took a sip of his hot chocolate. "And I can see why it appealed to Kathryn, she loves gothic holo-novels."

"She always did," Edward added. "She's a strange bird, Katie. She was always so focussed, so disciplined, and yet a hopeless romantic. She could turn her attention from the most tedious of scientific books to Shakespeare or Wordsworth in an instant."

Chakotay was about to speak when a computerized voice spoke. "Incoming transmission."

"It's probably Kathryn," Gretchen said, getting to her feet. "She said she would tell us if she was going to be later than expected." The old woman turned to Chakotay. "You'd better move out of visual range. We don't want her to see you. It will ruin the surprise."

Chakotay put down his drink, got up, and moved out of the camera's eye.

The computer voice sounded again. "Incoming transmission."

"Acknowledge," Gretchen said.

A screen materialized above the simulated fireplace, and Admiral Paris appeared.

"Mrs Janeway," he said, his voice anxious. "I'm sorry to disturb you at this hour and occasion, but your husband said that Kathryn had gone to dinner with a colleague."

"That's right," Gretchen said. "Is something wrong?"

"That depends on who she went to dinner with. It wouldn't be Brenna Covington, by any chance, would it?"

"I think that's who she said," Gretchen replied.

Chakotay stepped into visual range. "What's going on?"

"Commander Chakotay," Admiral Paris said, relief in his voice. "I was hoping you'd be present. If Kathryn's with Covington, then she's in great danger. I can't explain everything now as it would take too long, but she's not what she seems, Covington. She wants to be the next Borg Queen and may already be just that. Dozens of people are showing signs of the early stages of assimilation, which can only mean that she's activated the Borg virus."

"Borg virus?"

"As I said, I can't explain right now. There's no time. Right now an operation is being prepared to apprehend Covington. Our people will do whatever it takes to stop her. I shouldn't even be communicating with you as this operation is top secret, but I don't want Kathryn to die. You need to get her out of there. There's a Borg shield around Covington's house. We can't penetrate it, but as a former Maquis, you may find a way..."

"Seven of Nine," Chakotay said. "She'll..."

"A team is on their way to apprehend her. They think she might be involved."

"Then we need to get her first," Chakotay replied. He turned to Gretchen. "Where is she?"

"I don't know. But she lives with her aunt."

"Open a channel..." He turned back to the screen. "Thanks for the warning, Admiral..."

Admiral Paris nodded and then terminated the connection. Gretchen immediately opened a channel to Irene's house.

In seconds, Irene appeared on the screen.

"We need to speak to Seven of Nine," Chakotay said urgently..

"If you mean Anneka," Irene answered, "I do not now wish her too..."

Seven suddenly appeared. "Commander Chakotay," she said in surprise. "You're..."

"Starfleet is on their way to apprehend you," Chakotay interrupted. "You and your aunt need to transport..."

Edward interrupted him. "This house has a transporter room..."

"Then we'll transport you," Chakotay added. "Stand by..."

As Gretchen terminated the connection, Chakotay turned to her. "There are two round gold badges on the first shelf in Kathryn's...our... bedroom. Go and get them."

Gretchen immediately did as she was told.

Chakotay then turned to Edward. "Take me to the transporter room..."

* * *

In less than two minutes, Seven and her Aunt materialized in the small transporter room of Griffy Manor.

Seven questioned. "What's going on?"

"A Borg invasion of some kind," Chakotay replied. "We don't know the details. We've just been informed that Starfleet is on their way to apprehend you, believing you might be a party to it, and that Kathryn is in danger from a Borg Queen..."

"A usurper Queen," Seven corrected.

"You know of this?"

"When I was staying here a couple of weeks ago, the Admiral cut her foot on a piece of debris as we took a walk on the beach. I recognized the debris to be Borg, and felt a surge of nanoprobes enter my body when it came into contact with my skin. We reported this to Admiral Montgomery, and were told that this debris carries a Borg virus that lies dormant until it is activated by the Borg Queen. We were further told that a human woman here on Earth has physically transformed herself into a Borg so that she can be the next Borg Queen and assimilate the planet. While they believed they knew who she was, they were not certain. Until they were, they didn't want to act. We were told the information was highly classified and not to share it."

Gretchen arrived with the frequency scatterers. "The badges."

Chakotay took them with a thank you and then quickly activated them. He then held them out to Seven and her aunt.

"Put these on."

Seven questioned again. "What are they?"

"Frequency scatterers. With those on, Starfleet won't be able to trace your lifesigns."

Seven put it on, as did Irene. She then looked up at Chakotay. "You say the Admiral is in danger. Where is she?"

"With Brenna Covington," Edward replied. "They're supposed to be having dinner."

"Then it's her," Seven concluded. "She's the usurper Queen..."

"We're told the Queen has erected a Borg shield around her location," Chakotay said. "We'll need to penetrate it to transport Kathryn to safety."

Seven went over to the transporter console and worked her fingers busily. "I cannot trace the Admiral's lifesign. But I am detecting a Borg shield at her last place of transport..."

"She self transported to Brenna's house," Gretchen said. "It has to be where she is..."

Seven continued to work. "I have penetrated the shield...scanning the premises." She paused. "I am detecting four lifesigns... two human males and two females. But I can't determine which, if either, is the Admiral. The shield is interfering with sensors and both are emitting a Borg signature." She turned to Chakotay. "If one of them is the Admiral, she has been assimilated."

Frightened tears welled in Gretchen's eyes.

Chakotay picked up two silver private communication badges from a shelf above the transporter console, and pinned one to his uniform. Then he moved to the transporter padd.

"Transport me to their co-ordinates. When I've found Kathryn, I'll put this badge on her and you can beam us both back."

"You may be killed," Seven said plainly.

"That's a chance I have to take."

"My physiology would give me better protection. It would..."

"If we lose you, there'll be no one to help us penetrate Borg defences." He pulled out his phaser. "Transport me back at my word."

"Very well," Seven relented. She worked the console and Chakotay dematerialized.

* * *

When Chakotay rematerialized, he found himself in an empty, darkened, room, the only light in the room coming from what appeared to be a vacant Borg regeneration Chamber. He looked around in the semi-darkness, and his heart stopped when he saw Kathryn lying on the floor unconscious. He hurried over to her and knelt beside her. She was deathly pale and trembling violently. There was a Borg implant resting on her cheek like an ugly silver spider, and another on her forehead. His eyes searched her body and he saw more implants on her neck and hands. With trembling fingers, he pinned the commbadge onto her suit, and then hit his own.

"Chakotay to Seven of Nine, get us out of here..."

Nothing happened.

Chakotay looked up, around... What was going on?

He hit his commbadge again.

"Chakotay to Seven...get us out of here..."

Still nothing... Then it dawned on him that the shield's frequency must have changed when it detected his transportation. He would have to wait for Seven to determine the new one...

He quickly took Kathryn's wrist and searched for her pulse. He found it, but it was weak, very weak. With tears in his eyes, he reached out and stroked her brow tenderly.

"Don't leave me now, Kathryn," he whispered, "not now..."

He kissed her hand softly and held it to his cheek. As he did so, he saw her stir beneath him. She moaned lightly and her eyes fluttered, struggling to open... Chakotay put his hand to her cheek.

"Kathryn..."

At the sound of his voice, Kathryn tried to force open her eyes, but found they were too heavy...

"Kathryn, my love..."

Kathryn's mouth moved and she spoke, her voice barely a whisper. "Chakotay?"

"That's right," he said gently.

He felt a slight pressure on his hand and he squeezed her hand in return.

"I made it home," he said tearfully. "I'm home, Kathryn..."

She smiled softly, but otherwise was still, and her hand limped in his. Chakotay squeezed it tighter. "Don't leave me now... not now..."

Kathryn made no response and Chakotay realized she was unconscious once more. He searched for her pulse again and found that it was weaker still...

He hit his commbadge again, just incase Seven had penetrated the shield. "Chakotay to Seven. Get us out of..."

His words drifted as a door before him opened and the usurper Queen came in, followed by two men. Her cold, piercing eyes, were fixed on him and he got to his feet, pointing his phaser at her.

The woman laughed. "Your weapon will do you no good here. You are outnumbered."

Chakotay saw that the two men behind her were armed, both aiming their phasers at him. The one with red hair spoke.

"Lower your weapon."

Chakotay didn't move.

"I said lower your weapon or we fire at the Admiral!"

At that, Chakotay reluctantly put away his phaser.

"You should not have come uninvited," the Queen said coldly. "You are trapped here now."

The man with brown hair stepped out from the shadows. "Shall I kill him?"

"No," the Queen replied. "He will make a fine drone. We will assimilate him."

**END OF PART ONE**


	41. Redemption: Part Two

**_Star Trek Voyager_ characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

**CHAPTER FORTY**

**REDEMPTION**  
**Part Two**

Gretchen and Edward watched anxiously as Seven tried to determine the new shield's frequency. The former drone worked busily, her thin fingers flying over the console.

At last she spoke. "I have it...Accessing..."

Edward questioned. "Is Chakotay still alive?"

"I am detecting five lifesigns. The shield is interfering too much with sensors to identify them, but three appear to be male." She worked the console again. "Two males are closing in on one...that one must be Chakotay." She worked the console again. "One of the lifesigns with a Borg signature is weakening. It has to be the Admiral. If assimilation is not done properly, it can kill... Initializing transport. Stand by."

* * *

Chakotay watched anxiously as the two hostile men closed in on him. It was useless to fight. He was outnumbered and he didn't want to endanger Kathryn's life any more than it was already. Strong arms suddenly seized him and held him hard. The naked queen then walked towards him, taut as a cat closing in on her prey. She pressed her body against his and ran her tubules across his cheek. "

"Soon you will know perfection."

She moved her claws to his neck, but just as she was about to dig them in, Chakotay dematerialized.

* * *

When Chakotay rematerialized, he found himself back in the transporter room of Griffy Manor. He looked down and saw that Kathryn was lying on the floor before him. She lay still now, completely still. There was no tremor, no sign of life. Fear gripped Chakotay and he frantically knelt beside her, searching for her pulse...

There was none...

Tearfully, he turned her onto her back and began to give her mouth to mouth resuscitation...

Gretchen stepped forward, frightened tears in her eyes. "What's happening?"

"She's dead," Chakotay cried as he pumped her chest... "Come on, Kathryn, come on..."

He put his mouth to hers, desperately trying to breathe life into her lungs...

"Come on, Kathryn," he cried, pumping her chest again, "don't leave me now..."

He put his mouth to hers again, giving her all the breath he could give...

But it was no use...

Tears ran down Chakotay's face and he gathered Kathryn close. "No, Kathryn," he wept..."No..."

Gretchen and Edward stood stunned, while Seven approached Chakotay.

"Stand aside," she said anxiously. "Nanoprobes may help revive her."

At that, Chakotay gently drew away from his wife and tearfully lay her on the floor.

Seven knelt at the opposite side of her and extended her tubules. She then put them to Kathryn's neck and injected her with nanoprobes.

"Now try to revive her," Seven said.

Tearfully, and trembling violently, Chakotay leant over Kathryn and once more put his mouth to hers. Then he began to pump her chest.

"Come on, Kathryn," he cried, "come on..."

He was just about to put his mouth to hers again, when her body heaved...

Chakotay gasped, both from lack of breath and relief.

"Kathryn," he whispered...

She was still unconscious, but was breathing. He took her wrist and searched for her pulse. He found it.

"She's alive," he said, tears of relief falling now. He looked up at Seven. "Transport her to the nearest hospital...quickly..."

"I'll transport her to Starfleet Medical Hospital," Seven said, returning to the console. "That's where she was told to report..."

Chakotay looked up at his mother-in-law. "Gretchen, you go with her..." As much as he wanted to go, he had to help protect Seven and her aunt. It's what Kathryn would have wanted... He kissed Kathryn's hand and touched her face. "Hold on, Kathryn... Please hold on."

"Initializing transport," Seven said.

Chakotay kissed Kathryn's hand again, and watched as she dematerialized.

When she was gone, Chakotay slowly got to his feet, still trembling. He had to stay focussed...had to be focussed...

"Edward, you stay here with Roxa, Rennay and the children..."

Edward questioned. "Where are you going?"

"Your shuttle with Seven and her aunt. They're not safe here..." He turned to Seven. "Come on, we don't have any time to waste."

Chakotay made to leave, but Seven remained where she was. "If I flee, who will help apprehend Covington?"

"They won't listen to anything you have to say. If you stay, there's no saying what will become of you. Starfleet will battle this their way. We need to concentrate on keeping you safe."

"What about Icheb?"

"His Borg implants were removed by Elissia. They won't be interested in him." Chakotay pulled out his phaser again. "Now come, we're wasting time..." He turned to Edward. "Clear transportation history. If Starfleet arrive, don't let them know Seven has been here. If they ask where I am, say I've left for the hospital in a shuttle."

* * *

As soon as they were all in the shuttle, Chakotay made his way to the helm and got the vessel airborne as quickly as he could.

"Replicate some essential supplies," he said calmly. "Make sure you have enough to last a few days."

Seven questioned. "Where are we going?"

"There are some caves in the Mexican mountains I once visited with my cousin. No one will find you there. I'm going to transport you both there and then go to the hospital where I said I would be. Once all this is over, I'll come back for you."

* * *

When Chakotay arrived at the hospital twenty minutes later, he found a most hostile welcome. They would tell him nothing about Kathryn's condition, or let him wait on the premises. All they told him was to go home and await news. When he tried to insist on knowing what was happening, he was threatened with imprisonment. Feeling he had no choice but to leave, he returned to Bloomington.

When he arrived at Griffy Manor, Gretchen and Edward were gathered in the living room, and his mother-in-law was weeping softly.

"We're going to lose her," she said tearfully. "After getting her back after all these years, we're going to lose her..."

Chakotay slowly sat opposite her, trying not to show the concern and fear he felt inside. If Kathryn died... He couldn't even bear to think about it. He had lost her once before and it had almost killed him. He couldn't go through it again, he just couldn't...

"My guess is Starfleet wants to keep knowledge of this incident from the general public," he said quietly. "Kathryn's in good hands. They'll do everything they can..."

Gretchen looked up at him, her eyes red from crying. "What if it isn't enough?"

Chakotay took her hand in his, tears in his own. "It will be. Kathryn's a fighter. She's never lost a battle with the Borg yet. She won't lose this one."

* * *

Light...bright... Kathryn's eyes struggled to adjust to the brightness. Then there were colors...a face...a familiar face...

"Doctor?"

Voyager's former EMH smiled. "Welcome back, Admiral..."

For a moment, Kathryn couldn't remember what had happened ... how she had ended up in hospital. Then it all came back to her...

"Brenna... the Borg..."

"It's all over," the Doctor replied. "Brenna Covington was killed during the attempt to apprehend her. her accomplices, Trevor Blake and Brian Grady also. All those assimilated by the virus have been operated on and are going to be fine."

A wave of relief washed over Kathryn. "Then it really is over."

"It certainly is. And I'm just grateful Starfleet are keeping this incident from the general public. If it became common knowledge that an EMH Mark One was responsible for transforming Covington into a Borg...well, my days could be numbered. His program has been completely destroyed." He began to scan Kathryn with his tricorder. "Slightly elevated blood pressure, but other than that you're in fine health, although you're going to be sore for a few days."

Kathryn questioned. "How did I get here?"

"I don't know," the Doctor replied. "But it was a close call. We lost you more than once..."

Kathryn's eyes wandered from his to the window. Tears filled them as more memories returned to her.

The Doctor questioned in concern. "Are you in pain?"

"I heard Chakotay," Kathryn said quietly. "I'm sure I did... I heard him say my name..."

"You may have experienced hallucinations," the Doctor concluded. "Your body went through a range of physiological changes and traumas."

"But it seemed so real," Kathryn replied. "I could feel him..."

The Doctor looked at her sadly. "Hallucinations often seem real..."

A tear ran down Kathryn's cheek. "He said he was home... he said..." She paused, closed her eyes. "But you're right. It was just a dream... just a dream..."

* * *

Montgomery's dull office was as foreboding as the look on his face. Chakotay, Seven and Irene, sat before his desk, absorbing his admonishing words.

"You are fortunate, the three of you, that we are keeping Covington's attempt to assimilate Earth from the general public. Otherwise, you would all find yourselves in serious trouble. Commander Chakotay, you seriously jeopardized our mission by not allowing us to take Miss Hanson into custody. As much as Miss Hanson was innocent of involvement, she may have been used against her will to further Covington's plans.

Seven protested. "Admiral, that is not..."

Montgomery held up his hand. "I demand silence when I speak." He turned again to Chakotay. "However, it is commendable that you brought Miss Hanson and her aunt to us once this incident was over." He got to his feet. "I must remind you not to discuss these events with anyone. Failure to comply will have dire consequences for the guilty person. And before I let you go, I must demand possession of the frequency scatters."

Seven and her aunt began to remove them as Montgomery continued talking.

"I am disappointed, Commander, that you did not hand these over to Starfleet Command when you reported your return."

"They slipped my mind," Chakotay replied. "I was not asked to give a detailed report of my homecoming, only to write one at my own convenience."

Seven and Irene handed Montgomery the devices and he took them with a thank you. He studied them a moment, and then looked up.

"You may go."

The three of them got to their feet and eagerly left the room.

* * *

Exhausted, Chakotay sat on a bench in the garden of Griffy Manor. It was just after dawn and the sun bathed the garden in a warm bronze light. It was a beautiful garden, full of all kinds of colorful flowers. In his hands, he held the picture of Kathryn he had kept with him the whole time they had been separated, and he gazed at her, tears in his eyes. There was still no word from the hospital and they still wouldn't let him wait there...

A shadow fell over him, and Chakotay looked up to see Edward standing before him. "If the worst had happened," the old man said kindly, "they would have let us know by now..."

Chakotay's eyes once more fell to the picture in his hands. "I couldn't bear to lose her," he said quietly. "Not this way...not now... I couldn't go through it all again..."

Edward sat beside his son-in-law. "As you said yourself, Kathryn's a fighter. She won't give up..."

"I just wish they would tell us what's happening," Chakotay replied, "it's agony not knowing..." He ran his finger tenderly over Kathryn's face. "I love her so much. I've loved her since the first day I met her. She had such spirit, such courage, and was so beautiful..." He paused. "I hardly dared dream that she could feel the same. How could she? I was a Maquis criminal, a man she was meant to be capturing. I couldn't expect her to love me, and yet I wanted her too so much it was like a constant ache. I tried to stop loving her, I tried so hard, but I couldn't. "

"If we can stop loving someone just by willing it, "Edward answered kindly, "then we can't really love them in the first place." He paused. "I used to worry a lot about Kathryn...more so than her sister. Phoebe was more artistic and creative, but she was far more independent. Kathryn appeared the tougher of the two, but I knew that really she was the more vulnerable. She felt things more deeply, but buried those feelings away in her heart. Science was her escape, her way of channeling emotions she couldn't vent. I worried about the kind of men she would meet, worried they wouldn't see her tender heart because of her tough exterior." He paused again. "I'm so glad you came into her life. You're everything and more I could have hoped for her. You're kind and gentle, yet have a strength of spirit that Kathryn needs."

Chakotay looked up at him now and smiled wanly. "Thank you. That means a lot." He paused. "For a long time it worried me that I wouldn't be accepted by Kathryn's family because of my past..."

"A past you should have no shame in," Edward replied. "What the Cardassians did to your people...to your family...it's beyond horrendous. Any good man would have fought..."

Chakotay lowered his eyes and gazed at the picture of Kathryn again. "But there are other ways I could have fought..." He touched Kathryn's face again. "But I'm so glad I met Kathryn, so glad we shared the journey that we did..." Fresh tears welled in his eyes. "All I ever wanted was to keep her safe. But it was so hard. There were so many dangers and she is such a strong, determined, woman..."

Edward smiled. "That's for certain..."

"She died once before," Chakotay continued. "I don't mean in Engineering, but four years before that. We'd gone on an away mission, just the two of us, and we crashed our shuttle in a storm. It was the time when that alien impersonated you... When I came round, I found that Kathryn was dead. I tried my best to revive her, but I couldn't..." He paused. "For weeks afterwards I had nightmares..." A tear ran down his cheek. "When she was dead last night, it all came back to me...memories of that, of Elissia...I'd tried so hard to forget..."

Edward was just about to speak, when Gretchen appeared, her face shining with joy. "I've just heard from the hospital," she said happily. "Kathryn's going to be okay and we can visit her any time..."

Chakotay smiled, infinite relief consuming him, and he wiped away his tear as he got to his feet. " I'll go right away..."

* * *

Kathryn stood at the window of her hospital room, and gazed out vacantly at the holo-simulated view of snow-capped mountains, fields and sky. A tear ran down her cheek and she made no effort to wipe it away. It had felt so real, hearing Chakotay's voice, feeling his hand in hers...so real... And how she wished it was... She missed him so much that the ache in her heart was unbearable...

The door to the room opened, and Kathryn glanced behind her briefly to see who was there. It was the Doctor.

She turned to him slowly, her back aching. "Don't worry," she said quietly. "I'm on my way back to bed..."

"If I were you, I wouldn't rush..." the Doctor smiled. "I've found out what happened last night. I think you'll want to stay on your feet to greet the one who saved you."

With that, he disappeared through the door again and Kathryn frowned, slightly confused.

Then a shadow fell on the wall and someone else entered. Kathryn gasped when she saw who it was.

"Chakotay..."

He stood before her in black trousers and white t-shirt and looked so well, so well... He smiled tenderly, tears in his eyes.

"Not quite the homecoming I was expecting."

Kathryn gazed at him, almost in disbelief, as tears and laughter combined.

"Chakotay..."

Chakotay closed the gap between them and gently drew her into his arms.

"I'm home, Kathryn, I'm home."

Kathryn wrapped her arms around his neck, oblivious to the pain it caused, and squeezed him tight.

"Oh Chakotay... my Chakotay..." Tears ran down her cheek, merging with his. "It was you I heard...you're really here..."

"Yes," he answered, "it was me. I had to get you out of there..."A tear ran down his cheek and fell into her hair. "But when we got you out, you were dead... I thought I'd lost you and I couldn't bear it...I couldn't go through it again..."

Kathryn held him tighter. "I thought it was just a dream...hearing your voice... but you're really home..."

"A few weeks after you'd gone," Chakotay explained, "Arlei found me. She and her people had discovered that one of the wormholes in the cluster we found in the Delta Quadrant terminated close to Federation space. We traveled together to the wormhole and used it to return."

Kathryn drew slightly away from him, her face wet with tears. "Arlei returned with you?"

Chakotay nodded. "Harry picked her up from Starfleet Headquarters last night. She was worried he wouldn't welcome her, but he couldn't come fast enough."

"Of course not," Kathryn replied. "He's really missed her." She reached out and traced the course of Chakotay's tattoo. "And really I've missed you. These past few months...they've been hell...I've missed you so much..." She drew him close, holding him tight. "So very very much..."

" I've missed you," Chakotay whispered, burying his head in her hair. "I never want to be away from you that long again. I never even want to be away from you..."

"Nor I you...I love you, Chakotay... I love you so much..." She squeezed him tight. "We should never have left you behind...should never have left you... it's tortured me..."

Chakotay gently drew her away from him. "It had to be this way," he said kindly. "And I'm glad it was this way." A tear ran down his cheek. "I found her..."

"Who?"

"Rennay. She wasn't dead all these years, Kathryn. She was with the Cardassians."

"Oh, Chakotay..." Kathryn whispered.

"The wormhole terminated in Cardassian space. I was taken prisoner and they brought Rennay to me. They wanted to make me suffer by seeing her suffer. But they didn't get a chance to do much. A Cardassian I saved when I was a Maquis helped us escape and Arlei found us. Her vessel was cloaked so they didn't capture her. We traveled home in her shuttle."

Kathryn put her hand to Chakotay's cheek, her fingers trembling. "Did they... did they hurt you?"

"No," Chakotay replied. "They didn't get a chance."

Infinite relief consumed Kathryn at that. She knew only too well what they were capable of.

"Then Q was right," she said tearfully, "it really was better this way..."

Chakotay nodded. "I never thought for a moment she was alive, Kathryn." Fresh tears welled in his eyes. "If I'd known, if I'd only even imagined, I would have searched for her and never stopped."

"I know you would have..."

"I'm going to take her to Trebus. She'll have all the love there she could ever need to heal." A tear ran down his cheek and his voice fell to barely more than a whisper. "It all seems too good to be true...being home, my mother alive, and Rennay not dead..."

"Well, it is true," Kathryn said, another tear running down her cheek. "And you so deserve it to be..." She smiled warmly. "And as I'm sure you know by now, I've been made an Admiral. I'll be working here in San Francisco. We can all be together; you, me, Silvie and Stevie... No more separation... no more sacrifice... we can be together..." The light in her eyes faded and she lowered them. "Unless..."

Chakotay put a gentle finger to her chin and raised her head, forcing her to look up at him. "Unless what?"

"You take up a position on a ship. All Maquis have been exonerated and..."

Chakotay put his fingers to her lips. "I'm going nowhere, Kathryn. For too many years we've had to make sacrifices. This is going to be our time." He smiled. "Besides, I was offered a teaching position at the academy when I returned yesterday and I've accepted."

Kathryn smiled through tears. "You're right, this really is all too good to be true..."

Chakotay tenderly brushed his face against her wet cheek. "I love you so much..."

Kathryn gazed deep into his eyes. "I love you, Chakotay...I love you..."

Chakotay tilted her face gently, and then slowly, softly, brought his lips down to hers and kissed her lovingly. Kathryn's arms found their way to his neck and she deepened the kiss as he gathered her close, wanting to drown herself in him and their love...

* * *

Two hours later, Kathryn arrived home with Chakotay. He landed her father's shuttle in the grounds of Griffy Manor, and then helped his wife to disembark. Kathryn linked her arm with his, and slowly they began to walk towards the imposing house.

Kathryn looked up at the towers as she walked and smiled. "It's a beautiful house, isn't it?"

"Very characteristic," Chakotay smiled.

Kathryn stopped walking and turned to him, looking into his eyes. "But if you don't love it as much as me, then we'll find somewhere else..."

Chakotay gently brushed his fingers against her cheek. "I love it, Kathryn." He looked deep into her eyes. "And I don't care where we live, so long as we're together."

Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes and Chakotay tenderly lowered his lips to hers and kissed her softly.

When they drew away, Kathryn turned to look at the main door, her eyes sparkling. "You know," she said impishly, "it's traditional for a husband to carry his wife over the threshold of their first home."

Chakotay smiled. "So it is." He then fell serious. "But are you up to it?"

"You bet!"

Chakotay gently picked Kathryn up and she held around his neck. He then carried her tothe door and Kathryn keyed in the access code. When the door opened, Chakotay carefully carried Kathryn over the threshold, and they laughed softly and kissed before he lowered her to the ground. Kathryn then took his hands in hers and gazed into his eyes.

"I know I've lived here for a few months now, but this is the first time I've truly felt that I'm home..."

Chakotay squeezed her hands, and they gently surrendered to another long, lingering, kiss.

When at last they made their way to the living room, they both gasped when the door opened to reveal a sea of faces...familiar faces...family and friends... Amongst them were Gretchen and Edward holding Silvie and Stevie, Phoebe and Katy, Roxa and Vixi, Celes, Ella and Heidi, the Doctor and his wife, Samantha and Naomi, Reg Barclay, Seven and her aunt, and Harry and Arlei

"Welcome home," they all cried in unison, and shot rainbow streamers into the air.

As people stepped forward to personally welcome Chakotay home, Kathryn slowly made her way over to Harry and Arlei. She smiled at the attractive young woman with pretty violet eyes.

"Arlei," she said, embracing her. "it's wonderful to see you."

Arlei smiled. "It's good to see you too, Captain... I mean Admiral... "

Kathryn drew away from her. "I could hardly believe it when Chakotay said you'd come back with him."

"I wasn't sure whether I should," Arlei replied, "but Chakotay thought I should...and so I did..."

"And I'm so very glad you did," Kathryn smiled. She cast a glance at Harry. "And I'm sure Harry is too..."

"I thought I was dreaming," he said happily. "I had to pinch myself ten times to make sure it was real..."

Kathryn laughed softly. "So have I. I still am..." She then fell serious again. "I know that Harry was part of the reason you came back to look for Voyager, but I'm very grateful that another reason was to help us get home. If you hadn't made that trip, Chakotay would still be out there." She paused. "It was also brave of you to search for him in Cardassian space. You saved his life."

"Anyone would have done the same.," Arlei replied. "Chakotay has been a good friend to me, you all have. After my family died, I was forced to move from one place to another, always searching for a place to belong but never finding it. Voyager was the first place in years that became a real home. Thankyou for allowing me to stay."

Kathryn put her hand on Arlei's arm. "It was good to have you. And I'm sure you'll feel at home here in the Federation within no time."

"In a strange way, I already do," Arlei said honestly. "Harry's here and Earth is such a wonderful planet. I love it already."

Kathryn smiled. "And you're a very skilled engineer. You'll be very welcome in Starfleet."

"Thank you, Admiral. I would like to join Starfleet and serve as an engineer on a ship..." She glanced at Harry. "Preferably the same one as Harry will be on..."

"I'm sure that can be arranged," Kathryn said kindly.

Harry spoke. "It's great that Chakotay found his sister..."

"It certainly is."

"Ten years with the Cardassians...it turns my blood cold just thinking about it..."

"It says a lot about her strength of character that she survived that long," Kathryn said thoughtfully. She smiled softly. "And now if you'll excuse me, I must return to Chakotay. I'll speak to you both again soon."

Harry and Arlei nodded and Kathryn made her way back to Chakotay. He was talking with Samantha Wildman, while Naomi talked with Vixi. At Kathryn's approach, Naomi addressed her.

"May Vixi and I go and play in the garden?"

"If you want, honey," Kathryn replied.

Naomi smiled happily. "Thank you, Admiral."

The child took Vixi's hand and they disappeared through the door.

When Chakotay and Samantha had finished talking, Kathryn approached him.

"Where's Rennay?"

"Looking after Petal," he replied. " Your mother said she wasn't very comfortable at the thought of a party, so she asked her if she'd like to look after Petal instead. She's upstairs in the observatory."

Kathryn put her hand on his arm. "Then I'll meet her later."

* * *

When the last guest had left, Kathryn went to sit in the garden while Edward, Gretchen, Roxa and Vixi cleared up. Her back was hurting, but the pain was tolerable, unlike the time she was assimilated before. Then she had been in silent agony. As she sat down, she looked around the garden and thought it was more beautiful than ever. But then, everything seemed more beautiful than ever, everything seemed perfect...

Suddenly Petal appeared, running across the garden as fast as the wind to greet her mistress. Kathryn gave her due attention and then looked to see if Chakotay and Rennay were following. They were. Rennay walked beside Chakotay and looked painfully thin next to his well-built frame. She was wearing a long black dress and her hair was tied back from her face in a black ribbon. On her forehead she wore the marking of her people. She looked a lot like Chakotay, but not as much as Sekaya. Her face was longer and her eyes bigger.

Kathryn smiled warmly, tears in her eyes, as Rennay approached.

"You must be Rennay."

Rennay nodded.

"I'm Kathryn, Chakotay's wife." She paused. "I can't tell you how wonderful it is to meet you. I've heard so much about you."

Rennay smiled and tears welled in her eyes. Kathryn stepped forward and gently embraced the fragile, trembling, woman...

Chakotay watched as Rennay tentatively responded and a tear ran down his cheek.

* * *

Stars twinkled and a silver full moon gleamed against a black sky. Chakotay looked at the moon from a window in the bedroom he was to share with Kathryn, and gazed at it as though he was seeing it for the first time...

"For so many years I barely gave the moon a second thought," he said quietly. "But it's a precious sight now."

Kathryn put down the white satin nightrobe she had just taken off, and joined him at the window, dressed only in a sleeveless nightie.

"Every night you were away," she said, taking his arm between her hands and caressing it softly. "I would sit on this window seat and gaze out at the stars, thinking how you were somewhere amongst them." She paused. "On my birthday, I made a wish upon a shooting star that you would come home and..." She smiled. "I guess it came true."

Chakotay turned slowly towards her and touched her face. "Every night I would look out at the stars and think of you..." He took her hand and kissed it softly. "And speaking of birthdays, I have something for you..."

He went over to a black suitcase he had put in a corner of the room and opened it. He pulled out a gold velvet box the length of his hand, and returned to Kathryn.

"I made this for you, for your birthday..."

He handed Kathryn the box and she opened it carefully. Inside, resting in white satin, was a sparkling red rose made of glass, with an exquisite green stem and leaves.

"It's beautiful," Kathryn said tearfully, touching the rose tenderly. "You really made this?"

Chakotay nodded. "While I was looking for dilithium crystals, I came across a substance on a demon class planet that set like glass after a couple of hours in normal temperature. I dyed it and moulded it to my liking as it set."

Kathryn looked up at him and put her hand to his cheek. "It's amazing. Thank you."

Chakotay smiled and then returned to his suitcase. "I also made something for Silvie and Stevie on their birthday."

He pulled out a pink and blue velvet box and then carried them over to the foot of the bed, where he put them down. Kathryn lay her box beside them on the bed, and opened the lid of the pink box. Inside she saw one of the golden eagles Chakotay had carved.

"Oh Chakotay," she said, "it's wonderful..."

She opened the blue box and saw the same inside.

"They're both wonderful..." She picked the second eagle up and studied it closely. "And the wood is incredible. I've never seen anything like it..."

"I found it on a planet Arlei and I waited on for the first wormhole to stabilise. It was full of all kinds of beautiful flowers and planets and trees." He paused. "I'm lucky that Arlei and I decided to store everything in her ship, otherwise I would have lost all these things with the Delta Flyer."

Kathryn ran her fingers over the eagle. "Silvie and Stevie are the lucky one," she said quietly. "They're lucky to have such a wonderful father and they're lucky to...to have you home..."

She could say no more as tears choked her.

Chakotay took the eagle from her hands and put it back in the box.

"I'm sorry," Kathryn whispered, "I just..."

Chakotay put his hands on her shoulders. "Don't be sorry. It's been a terrible time, for both of us. We've both been dealing with a lot of emotion."

The tears flowed heavier now, sobs shaking her slender body, as years of worry, guilt, burden and responsibilty, finally lifted their crushing weight on her. Chakotay gently gathered her close and Kathryn clung to him, holding him tight, and never wanting to let him go...

* * *

**A WEEK LATER**

It was cold on Trebus. Soft snow fell, covering the rich brown soil with a white blanket. Wrapped in warm padded coats with thick hoods, and wearing knee high boots, Chakotay and Rennay walked their way to the village. Kathryn had stayed home with Silvie and Stevie. Partly because it would be winter on Trebus, partly because she felt this was a journey Chakotay and his sister needed to make alone.

The village was quiet. Everyone was inside, sheltering from the cold. Smoke puffed out of wooden hut after wooden hut and a warm orange glow of firelight emanated from several windows. For a moment, Chakotay had to stop walking and just look around. It was all so different to the last time he had stood here. Then there had been nothing but barren land, nothing but the bitter pain of death in the air. Now there was life once more.

He slipped his arm around his sister and began to walk again. Kathryn had told him in great detail where he could find his mother's lodging, and he saw the hut exactly as she had described in the distance. At a steady pace, he and Rennay walked over to it. When they reached the door, he lowered his hood and then knocked. It seemed an eternity before it opened. When it did, he saw Sekaya in the doorway.

"Hello Sekaya," he smiled.

The woman's eyes widened in delight. "Chakotay!" She drew him close and hugged him. "Oh, Chakotay..."

Then she disappeared inside and returned with what seemed a crowd of people. Chakotay gasped when he saw his mother walk towards him. She looked just as he remembered her, just the same...

"Oh, my boy," Enola said tearfully, "my son.." She took him in her arms and kissed his cheek. "The gods have answered and sent you back to us... Oh, my boy..."

Chakotay held his mother close a moment and then drew away from her.

"Not just me," he said kindly.

He turned to Rennay and gently lowered her hood.

"Rennay too..."

For a long moment, Enola just stared at her daughter. Then she pulled her close, weeping from joy.

"My little Rennay. Oh, my sweet daughter. The gods have been good to us...so good..."

Rennay clung tight to her mother and they wept together.

* * *

**A MONTH LATER**

The new Voyager gleamed in the San Francisco sunlight. Crowds of people had gathered at the dock to watch her take off for her maiden flight, captained and crewed by the famous Voyager crew themselves.

Inside the ship, the bridge crew waited eagerly for their Captain to arrive. Everyone was at their post: Harry, Tuvok, Seven, Tom, and Chakotay was sitting in the First Officer's chair. As they waited, Tuvok looked around the bridge, absorbing every detail.

"The likeness is remarkable," he commented. "If I did not know this was a replica, I would believe it was Voyager herself."

"So would I," Tom agreed. "Everything is the same...everything..."

Chakotay smiled. "That was the idea..."

As he spoke, the turbo lift doors opened and Voyager's former captain stepped out of them.

"Captain on the bridge," Tuvok said formally.

At his words, everyone got to their feet.

Kathryn stood still a moment and looked around. Everything was just as she remembered. She looked at the familiar faces looking back at her and a lump gathered in her throat. She walked to the center of the bridge and smiled, tears in her eyes.

"I don't know about you all," she said warmly, "but I have the strangest sense of de ja vu."

The crew laughed softly.

"It's good to be here with you all. I've missed you..."

Eyes moistened at those words and several crew members looked down.

"We shared many special times on Voyager," Kathryn continued, "and I'm sure it's those we are all remembering today." She paused. "But before we take off, there is something I need to say." She turned to Harry. "Mr Kim, put me through to the whole ship."

Harry did what he was told and then nodded to indicate that task was complete.

Kathryn then prepared to speak. "This is Kathryn Janeway to all. I was just telling the bridge crew how good it is to be with you all again. We had many difficult times on Voyager, but it is the good times we are here to remember today, and I'm sure we all agree that there were many many good times. We shared together a remarkable journey that will not only live on in our hearts, but will live on in history. In so many ways, the warp-core is the heart of a starship, it's what makes her take flight to the stars. As I'm sure you all know, Voyager's warp-core was retrieved by my good friend, Captain Abigail Tanner, and now lies in engineering of this ship. So, just as the journey will always live on in our hearts, so too will the heart of Voyager live on in this new ship that has been built especially to honor her." She paused. "Before we take off on this very special maiden flight that will be watched by billions across the Federation, I need to remind you all of one very important thing. While we are all gathered here today in celebration of our past journey, we will be taking this ship into space. Therefore, until we return and disembark, we will once again be a Starfleet crew, in a command structure, and all Starfleet rules and regulations will apply. This is absolutely essential to protect the safety of every crew member and all civilians onboard. Professionalism must be displayed at all times without exception." She paused again and closed with a smile. "With that, I will close this message and wish you all a very joyous and memorable flight. Janeway out."

As the channel closed, Kathryn turned to Tom.

"Alright, Mr Paris...at my command."

She sat down in the captain's chair, savored the moment, and then spoke.

"Engage."

The engines started up and, in moments, the new Voyager was out of Earth's orbit and soaring to the stars.

* * *

Beautiful flowers and white ribbon decorated the mess hall. Stars twinkled outside, and inside soft music played. Beneath an arch of white and pink roses, Kathryn stood in formal dress and waited with the gathered crowd for the bride to appear. Harry Kim stood to her left, smartly dressed in a white suit and white shirt, and to her left, Tom Paris stood in uniform, holding a red velvet cushion which had two wedding rings carefully placed on top of it.

At last, the mess hall doors opened and Arlei appeared. She was wearing an elegant long dress of white satin, and crystal shoes sparkled on her feet. Her dark hair tumbled over her shoulders, and in her hands she held a small bouquet. Her arm was linked with Chakotay's, and they slowly began to walk through the aisle of people to the arch. In pretty pink bridesmaids dreses, Naomi and Vixi followed, smiling at the people around them. Harry gazed at Arlei in adoration, his feelings for her evident on his face, and his mother shed a tear of joy.

When they reached Kathryn, Chakotay stepped aside for Harry to take his place, and Arlei handed her bouquet to Naomi.

"Ladies and gentleman," Kathryn began. "We are gathered here to day to witness the marriage of our dear friends, Harry Kim and Arlei Marvo. They have written their own vows which they are now going to share with us."

Harry took Arlei's hands in his. "My dear Arlei Marvo. I, Harry Kim, promise before all those present here today, to love you, to cherish you, to honor you and respect you, from this moment on for as long as we both shall live. I promise to be your companion, your helper, your guardian, your friend, your lover, and your shelter. I devote my life to loving you, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse." He then took the smallest ring from the cushion Tom was holding, and slipped it onto her finger. "I give you this ring as a token of our marriage, as sign of the promises I have made to you today."

A tear ran down Arlei's cheek, and she took his hands in hers, gazing softly into his eyes.

"My dear Harry Kim. I, Arlei Marvo, promise before all those present here today, to love you, to cherish you, to honor you and respect you, from this moment on for as long as we both shall live. I promise to be your companion, your helper, your guardian, your friend, your lover, and your shelter. I devote my life to loving you, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse." She took the remaining ring from the cushion, and slipped it onto his finger. "I give you this ring as a token of our marriage, as a sign of the promises I have made to you today."

Harry and Arlei then united their left hands, and Kathryn placed her hand over theirs. "It gives me great joy to pronounce you husband and wife."

The crowd applauded and Kathryn stepped back as Harry took his bride in his arms and kissed her.

As the newly weds drew apart, B'Elanna shouted from the crowd. "The bouquet!"

At that, Arlei took the flowers from Naomi, turned her back to the crowd, and threw them over her head. As they flew through the air, she turned around to see who would catch them...

Seven.

The crowd cheered and, if Kathryn wasn't mistaken, Seven blushed.

* * *

While the happy couple and civilians continued to celebrate in the mess hall, the crew returned to duty. They needed to get the ship back to San Francisco where she was to be opened to the public as a museum.

On the bridge, Seven had taken Harry's place, and listened while she worked to those around her discussing the wedding.

"I can't say how glad I am that Harry finally got the girl," Tom smiled from the helm.

"If I recall correctly," Tuvok answered, "'getting the girl' was never Mr Kim's problem. It was keeping her."

"Right you are, Tuvok," Tom laughed. "And gives a whole new meaning to the phrase loser in love..."

Kathryn smiled at their verbal banter from her seat on the bridge. It was just like old times. While she was so glad to have completed her mission and got the crew home, she knew a part of her would always miss being on Voyager.

"Alright, Mr Paris," she said warmly. "We've got a schedule to keep. Set a course for..."

Seven interrupted her, the former drone's anxious words destroying the tranquility on the bridge.

"There's a displacement wave heading right towards us."

Kathryn's stomach sank and she turned to the viewscreen. "On screen."

The viewscreen illuminated and displayed a glowing wave closing in on them.

Kathryn turned to Tom. "Get us out of here, maximum warp..."

He powered up engines and in seconds the ship was at maximum warp. But it had no effect. The wave was still closing in on them.

Kathryn turned to Tuvok. "Raise shields to maximum. Try to disperse it with..."

But it was too late. The wave was upon them.

A blinding light flashed across the bridge and the ship shook as it was tossed about by the wave, throwing Kathryn to the floor.

Then all was still.

Kathryn got to her feet and looked around the heavily damaged bridge. Others had been thrown to the floor and slowly got up. Kathryn turned to Tuvok.

"Report."

"There's severe damage to the ship, including a hull breach on deck fourteen, but no fatalities."

Seven spoke. "I'm detecting something, perhaps a vessel, approximately 8 kilometers away..."

Kathryn turned back to the viewscreen. "On screen..."

The image of an array, identical to the one that had pulled them to the Delta Quadrant eight years ago, showed before her. Tears flooded Kathryn's eyes. It couldn't be happening again, not again...

"If sensors are correct," Seven continued. "We're at the other side of the galaxy."

Kathryn stared at the array in horror, unable to move, unable to speak...

Then the sound of familiar laughter cut across the bridge.

Kathryn whirled around, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. "Q."

Q was sitting in her seat, laughing heartedly. "Oh what fun... the look on your face..."

Kathryn swallowed, still trembling from the shock. "I don't happen to find your joke in the least bit amusing."

"Oh come, Kathy. Can't you appreciate it just a little?"

"What I would appreciate is you undoing all of this..."

Q's son suddenly appeared next to him. "That was awesome. Your face, Aunt Kathy..."

Kathryn stepped closer. "No wonder you're having problems with your son if this is the kind of example you're setting him."

"What would you have rathered, Kathy? That it be a real array out there?"

"You try my patience."

Q got to his feet. "And you're trying mine with your dour seriousness. You need to lighten up, my dear, learn how to enjoy a little humor..." He bridged the gap between them, pulling a puppy dog face. "There's got to be some part of Kathryn Janeway that appreciates the joke. A teeny weeny small part..."

Tuvok spoke. "One must concede it was well executed."

Kathryn looked over to him. "Tuvok, stay out of this." She then turned to Q and fixed on him a death glare. "I want all of this undone. Now!"

Q sighed under the weight of her stare. "Oh, very well. Mortals never did have much sense of fun." He clicked his fingers and, as he and his son disappeared, the bridge returned to it's former glory.

As Kathryn returned to her seat, Chakotay entered the bridge.

"Don't worry, it's all over," Kathryn said when she saw him. "It was just Q's idea of a joke."

Chakotay frowned. "What's all over?"

Now it was Kathryn's turn to be confused. "You didn't see the wave or feel the turbulence just now?"

"Nothing," Chakotay said, sitting in the First Officer's chair. "What happened?"

"I'll give you two clues," Tom said from the helm. "Displacement wave and array."

"I see," Chakotay said, trying to stifle a smile.

"Q's idea of fun," Kathryn answered. "But I'll tell you this, it wasn't mine."

Chakotay couldn't help laugh now. "I'm sorry," he said. "But you have to admit it's pretty funny..."

Tom was laughing now too, and several others, and their laugh was infectious.

"I suppose I can see how it might be," Kathryn said, looking around. She then looked back at Chakotay and, as she looked into his eyes, found herself laughing too...

Then, as everyone sobered, Kathryn turned to her Chief Pilot. "Mr Paris, set a course...for home."

**END OF PART TWO**


	42. Epilogue: 2404

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures. 

**EPILOGUE**

**2404**

Admiral Kathryn Janeway sat at her desk and manually acknowledged the incoming transmission as quickly as she could. Her hair was silver now and was swept back elegantly from her face in a short, but flattering, style. The monitor before her lit up, and Miral Paris appeared on the screen. The young women looked remarkably like her mother. She had the same coloring, the same eyes, and had distinct Klingon forehead ridges. She had her mother's spirit too and fierce determination.

"I'm sorry to pull you out of class, Admiral."

Kathryn made no reply to that. Her mind was on other matters. "Did you see it?"

"Yes, ma'am," Miral replied, a little surprised at the Admiral's abruptness.

"And?"

"It works."

Kathryn's hope rose, but there were further questions to be asked. "Korath has agreed to the exchange?"

Miral hesitated with her answer. "Yes."

"But...?"

"He's insisting on handing it over to you personally."

Kathryn looked away from the screen briefly, frustration consuming her. "I'll be there as soon as I can." Her eyes then smiled. "Good work, Ensign Paris."

* * *

A cave illuminated by torches was not what Kathryn was expecting when she finally arrived at Korath's house two days later. But he was a Klingon, and they liked things primal. She looked around, looking for Miral. As she did so, the young ensign appeared, dressed in her Starfleet uniform, and was accompanied by two Klingon males.

"Welcome to the House of Korath, Admiral," she smiled.

"I love what he's done with the place," Kathryn teased.

One of the Klingon's spoke, his tone angry. Miral retaliated, and he and his companion backed away into the passage way behind them, where they waited.

"What was _that_ about?" Kathryn asked, Korath's security having disabled her translator.

"He says your demeanor was disrespectful."

"I hope you told him I didn't mean to be rude."

"I told him if he didn't show you more respect, I would break his arm."

Kathryn laughed softly. "You are your mother's daughter."

"Korath is waiting. We should go in."

Kathryn shook her head. "Sorry, but this is where we part ways."

Miral flinched. "Excuse me?"

"You're dismissed, Ensign."

"But, Admiral, I really think..."

"I can take care of myself," Kathryn said firmly.

"With all due respect, I've been working on this for six months, and..."

"And you've done an exemplary job," Kathryn answered. "But it'sover. Understood?"

Miral lowered her eyes, defeated. "Yes, ma'am."

Kathryn reached out and put her hand on the young girl's arm. "I happen to know your parents are anxious to spend some time with you. Take a few days leave. Go and see them."

Miral gave a dismayed nod. Kathryn made her way to the passage beyond, and the two Klingon's escorted her to Korath.

* * *

Korath was busy working on a piece of technology when Kathryn was shown into his chamber. Korath barely gave her a glance as she entered the room. All he did was hold up the device he was working on.

"A Cardassian disrupter," he said calmly. "I've modified it to emit a nadion pulse."

"Impressive," Kathryn replied. "But that's not what I've come for."

Korath turned to her now. "No. You've come for something far more dangerous."

Kathryn took a few steps towards him. "Where is it?"

"Somewhere safe," he replied, his attention once again focussed on the device before him.

Kathryn bridged the remaining gap between them. "I went to a great deal of trouble to get you your seat on the High Council. Now give me what you promised."

Korath made no response. Instead, he walked over to a large wall monitor and pulled up scans of Kathryn's shuttle. "I've scanned your shuttle. It appears that you've made some..." He turned to her momentarily, his eyes gleaming. "Interesting modifications." He paused, looking again at the scans "Your shields generator is of particular interest."

"It's not for sale," Kathryn said firmly.

He turned back to her, annoyed. "Then what you want isn't available either!"

As he walked away from her, Kathryn turned towards him.

"We had an agreement."

Korath smirked and then addressed his subordinates. "Show the admiral out."

Kathryn was about to argue, but then thought better of it. There had to be another way to get what she wanted. Without another word, she left.

* * *

Two hours later, Kathryn was back in Korath's chamber.

"I've reconsidered your offer," she said after an unfriendly Klingon informed Korath of her return.

"I thought you might," Korath answered, his tone hostile.

"I'll give you the shield emitter, but not until I've inspected the device you're offering...to make sure it's genuine."

The Klingon angrily stepped towards her. "You question my honor?".

Kathryn stepped closer, unthreatened, and fixed her eyes on his. "If you were honorable, you wouldn't have changed the terms of our agreement." She paused. "Show it to me, or I'm leaving."

At this, Korath relented. He gestured to his subordinate to do as she asked, and the Klingon went over to a console. Seconds later, an impressive looking piece of technology materialized in an alcove. Kathryn went over to it and began scanning it with her tricorder. It was indeed a temporal deflector. She then turned to Korath.

"This'll do just fine."

Then, as quick as lightening, she stuck a commbadge onto the device and activated transportation.

Korath cried out. "Stop her..."

But it was too late. Both Kathryn and the temporal deflector were gone.

* * *

As soon as Kathryn materialized in her shuttle, she removed the commbadge from the device and addressed the computer.

"Computer, deploy armor."

She then made her way to the helm.

"Lay in a course for these coordinates."

A Klingon ship fired at the shuttle, but had no effect against the armor.

A hail sounded, and Kathryn sighed before reluctantly acknowledging it. An enraged Korath appeared on the screen

"What do you want?" Kathryn said impatiently.

"You'll pay for your deceit, ghuy'cha!" he cried. "And the House of Korath won't rest until you've drowned in your own blood!"

"I'd love to stay and chat," Kathryn said sarcastically, "but I'm on a tight schedule." With that, she terminated the connection. "Computer, warp six."

She knew the Klingons might chase her for a while, but she could handle them, and there was no way they would pursue her to Earth.

* * *

It was night when Kathryn arrived home in Bloomington two days later, and was raining hard. After transporting the deflector into the safety of her house, Kathryn transported herself, and materialized in the transporter room of Griffy Manor. The house had been her home for over a quarter of a century, and had always been a happy home, a welcoming home, a house filled with laughter and love. But now a great sadness occupied it, so heavy that it weighed on anyone who entered.

Kathryn left the transporter room and made her way to the living room, where she had transported the deflector.

As the doors opened, lights automatically came on, and a familiar squawky voice greeted her.

"Welcome home. Welcome home."

Roger. Kathryn turned to the large red alien parrot. "Good to see you too, old boy."

The parrot had been found badly injured on a planet during a family exploration vacation five years earlier. When they found his injuries meant he would never fly again, they had kept him as a pet.

Kathryn looked around the room and saw that the temporal deflector was exactly where it should be. Now that she was on safe ground, she went over to the device and began to inspect it more thoroughly, part out of curiosity, part out of triumph. It had taken her months of hard work to acquire it, not to mention some shady dealings. But now it was hers. All hers.

A shadow fell over the deflector and Kathryn turned around. Stevie was standing in the doorway, dressed casually in black trousers and a black sweater, and was looking at the deflector. He was a grown man of 26 now and looked a lot like Chakotay. He had the same build, the same chocolate brown eyes, the same gorgeous dimples when he smiled, and wore the marking of his people above his left eye.

"Is that it?"

Kathryn nodded.

"It's smaller than I thought it would be," he said, stepping closer so he could study the device more thoroughly. Like his parents, he also had an interest in science, although his passion was the biological sciences and he was heavily involved in research into hearing loss.

"Good things come in small packages," Kathryn smiled. She then fell serious. "Has Silvie arrived yet?"

"About an hour ago. She's been..."

Just as he spoke, Silvie entered the room, dressed in blue jeans and a white sweater. She had grown into a tall, handsome, young woman, and wore her long black hair loose over her shoulders. Like her brother she had the marking of her people over her left eye and had inherited her father's dark looks.

"I thought I heard voices," she said affectionately.

Kathryn smiled at her daughter and opened her arms to her. "Silvie, I'm glad you're here..."

Silvia embraced her mother briefly and then turned her attention to the deflector. "Looks impressive. Is it working?"

"Yes. But I'd like you to take a look at it. You're a better engineer than me."

"I'll do it right away. We're not going to get any second chances. We have to be sure it can get us there and back."

"And it will," Kathryn replied. "I'm certain of it." She turned to Stevie. "Where's your father and Marianne?"

"Dad's with Mattie," he replied. "I don't know where Annie is. In her room, I think."

"Tell her I'm home and I'll be in to see her soon."

Stevie smiled. "On my way..."

He then left the room, leaving Kathryn and her daughter alone.

Kathryn put her hand on Silvie's shoulder and looked at the deflector. "I'll leave you two to get better acquainted and go see your father."

"Alright," Silvie replied.

Kathryn squeezed her daughter's shoulder. "I really appreciate all you and Stevie have done over the past few months. I know it hasn't been easy. And I appreciate all you're prepared to risk..."

Silvie put her hand over her mother's. "As you always say, Mom, all for one, and one for all."

* * *

Chakotay stood at a window in Mattie's bedroom and looked out. The garden was bathed in a soft light and he watched as rain fell onto the lawn. Memories played out before him, memories of better days, happy days. He could see Silvie and Stevie hobble in diapers, could see their unsteady steps turn into confident strides as they grew from infancy to childhood. At eleven years old, two more toddlers joined them in the garden, one with ginger hair and the other with hair as white as snow. He could see an aged Petal lie lazily in the summer heat while he cooked a family barbecue, and could see Kathryn help her little ginger haired daughter to set up a new telescope.

_"One day I'll be a captain too, Mommy," he heard the child say. "And I'll take my crew to the Delta Quadrant just like you did..."_

Chakotay turned away from the window, away from the memory of a happy past to the brutal reality of the present. In a bed before him, that little girl he had loved so much lay in a coma the doctors said she would never wake up from. She was only seventeen years old and it was heartbreaking to see her lie so still, so silent, and to know that only technology was keeping her alive.

Chakotay went to sit in a chair beside the bed and took her hand in his. For over eight months he had sat with her like this every night, willing her to wake up, but knowing it would take a miracle. The doctors said she couldn't hear him, but he had talked to her anyway. He would talk to her about everything and anything, would read to her, sing to her, and every night before leaving would kiss her and tell her that he loved her. He had loved her from the first time he had held her in his arms as a baby, even before. In the six months she and her sister had been growing in an artificial womb, he and Kathryn had visited them almost every day and talked to them. It had never mattered to him that he wasn't their biological father. In every other way he was their father, and no father could love his daughters more. Marianne Louise and Martha Marie they had named them, Martha after Kathryn's beloved aunt who had died when Silvie and Stevie were three years old. But they had soon become Annie and Mattie for short.

There had been a lot of heartache in Chakotay's life, a lot of grief, and he had thought there was no new type of pain to experience. But he had been wrong. When the doctors told him and Kathryn that Mattie would probably never wake up, he knew then there was more; the agony of losing a child. The doctors advised allowing her to die a natural, dignified, death, but Kathryn had resisted. She wasn't prepared to give up on her daughter just yet. She had a plan in mind, one she was sure would work. Chakotay had tried to reason with her, get her to accept the situation, but she had worked everything out to the last detail that he too had been persuaded it would work...

Suddenly, the door opened and Kathryn came in. At the sight of his wife, Chakotay got to his feet.

"Kathryn..." He was glad to see her. He was starting to worry...

"I got it," she said as the door closed behind her. "It's ours..."

"And it works?"

She nodded. Then she closed the gap between them, linked her arm with her husband's, and gazed at her precious daughter.

"We'll get her back, Chakotay."

The door opened again and Stevie came in.

"It's Marianne," he said, anxiety in his voice. "I went to tell her you were home, but all I found in her room was this note."

Kathryn grabbed the note from him anxiously and read the letter aloud.

"Dear Dad, Stevie and Silvie, I'm so sorry for all the pain and trouble I've caused. It's my fault that Mattie was hurt and my fault that Mom will die trying to get the temporal deflector. I know you'll never forgive me and I will never forgive myself. I wish I had been hurt instead, you don't know how much I wish it was me. But I'm not asking you to forgive me, I just want you to forget me. I will never be a part of your life again and I'm so sorry I ever had to be. Goodbye forever. Marianne."

Before Kathryn could speak, Chakotay was already making his way to the door. "I'll try and locate her lifesign on sensors. I saw her just under an hour ago, she can't have gone far..."

He disappeared into the hallway and Kathryn and Stevie followed him. They hurried downstairs, and Kathryn grabbed her coat as they passed the cloaking area. When they reached the transporter room, Chakotay quickly began searching for Marianne's lifesign. Within seconds, he found it.

"She's by the lake," he said, "about 2 miles from here. I'll transport her home."

"No," Kathryn said, putting on her coat, "she might resent that. I'll go to her and bring her home when she's ready."

She grabbed a private communicator, pinned it to her coat, and went to stand on the transporter pad. "I'll tell you when to beam us back."

Chakotay activated transportation and watched as his wife dematerialized.

* * *

When she rematerialized, Kathryn found herself standing at the edge of Lake Griffy. It was raining and blowing and Kathryn could hardly see in the darkness around her. Then she saw Marianne. She was standing at the water's edge, the strong wind blowing her white blonde hair...

"Marianne..." Kathryn cried.

The young girl turned around at the sound of her mother's voice, and as Kathryn closed the gap between them, she saw that Marianne was dressed in nothing but black pajamas. There were tears on her cheeks and she was shivering violently.

Kathryn scooped her daughter in her arms and held her close. "Marianne, my darling..."

Marianne did nothing, said nothing, just wept painfully.

Kathryn drew slightly away from her. "Let's get you home." She hit the communicator on her chest. "Kathryn to Chakotay. Beam us up."

In seconds, they dematerialized.

* * *

Only Chakotay was waiting for them when they rematerialized, and both relief and pain consumed him when he saw Marianne; relief that she had been found safe and sound, but pain at her anguish. In the warmth and safety of their home, Kathryn drew her daughter close again and held her wet and shivering body against hers.

"It's alright," she said, "everything's going to be alright. Those things that you wrote, they're not true. We all love you so very very much. How can you think for a moment that our lives would be better without you?" She kissed Marianne's wet hair. "Never think that darling, never..."

"That's right," Chakotay said kindly. "We all love you, all of us. Never think otherwise."

Marianne just wept painfully and Kathryn glanced up at Chakotay. "I'd imagine Roger's driving Silvie to distraction. Perhaps you'd like to take him into the study for a while?"

Chakotay understood that was his cue to leave and quietly made his way to the living room.

Kathryn drew away from Marianne and swept the girl's fair hair away from her tearful face. "Let's get you changed and into bed."

Marianne made no protest, and Kathryn guided her out of the room and into the elevator.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Marianne was tucked up in bed and Kathryn put an extra blanket over her to make sure she was warm enough. Marianne was still shivering and was deathly pale. Kathryn gently put a hypospray to her daughter's thin neck which contained anti-hypothermia medicine. She then sat on the edge of the bed and stroked Marianne's hair. Since they had returned, her daughter had said nothing. All she had done is cry. There were no tears now, but there was a haunting emptiness in her eyes and she stared vacantly ahead.

"It's not your fault what happened to Mattie," Kathryn said gently. "It was an accident. You mustn't blame yourself."

Tears once again filled Marianne's eyes and she spoke, her words barely more than a whisper. "I made her climb the rocks."

"Annie, my darling," Kathryn replied, "you know as well as I do that no one could ever make Mattie do what she didn't want to do."

A tear ran down Marianne's cheek. "She said it was too dangerous, said we shouldn't go. But I wouldn't listen, continued to climb anyway. She climbed after me, begging me to come down, and that's when she..." She couldn't say the words. She just closed her eyes and wept painfully.

"Oh, Annie," Kathryn whispered. "That doesn't make it your fault. It was an accident. You didn't mean for her to fall. You thought it was safe..."

"But I should have listened... Shouldn't have gone on..."

Kathryn continued to stroke her daughter's hair. "We've all done things, darling, that we've later regretted. None of us knows what the future holds. You couldn't have known what was going to happen. It's easy to look back and see mistakes. It's impossible to see them when you're making them..."

Marianne's tears ebbed a little and she looked at her mother. "You don't blame me?"

"Of course not. It was an accident." She brushed her fingers against Marianne's tears. "I love you, very much."

"I love you too," Marianne whispered. "And I thought we'd lost you... Didn't think you were coming back..."

"What made you think that?"

"Because you said you'd be home by this afternoon...you weren't. I thought we'd lost you too and it would all be my fault..."

"Things didn't go quite to plan," Kathryn explained. "It took longer than I thought. But I got it. I got the deflector."

A light filled Marianne's tortured eyes. "Then we've really got a chance of getting Mattie back?"

Kathryn nodded and took her daughter's hand in hers. "And we will. I just know we will."

Mariannesmiled now and squeezed her mother's hand.

* * *

Chakotay gazed vacantly into a mug of hot chocolate as he sat in an armchair before a simulated fire place in the study.

"Roger bored, Roger bored."

Chakotay put down his drink and went over to the demanding little parrot. "Roger, bored" was his way of telling them that he wanted to be let out of his cage for a while.

"Roger bored. Roger bored."

"I heard you the first time," Chakotay smiled. He opened the cage and put Roger onto the brown carpeted floor. The bird liked to be put on the floor so he could roam around. He was extremely nosey and curious.

As Chakotay was closing the cage, a picture on top of the fireplace of nine year olds Silvie and Stevie holding a baby Marianne and Mattie, caught his attention. He went over to it and picked it up. Silvie was holding Marianne and Stevie was holding Mattie. The smile on Silvie's face was wonderful to behold. She had been so happy to have two little sisters and had almost made herself ill with excitement the day they were to come home. There were other pictures on the fireplace too and Chakotay found himself looking at these. There was a picture of his mother and Rennay, a picture of Sekaya and her family, a picture of Kathryn's parents, a picture of her aunt Martha, and a picture of Phoebe and her husband. Chakotay's mother was dead now, as was Kathryn's father, but her mother was still alive and still very active for a woman of her years. There was a picture of Harry and Arlei's two sons, Zimion and Kristofer, a picture of Naomi and her daughter, Sabrina, a picture of Seven and her betazoid husband, Captain Mikal Darlet, a picture of Tom, B'Elanna and baby Miral, a picture of Roxa, and a picture of Vixi as a little girl.

Chakotay put down the picture in his hands and picked up the one of Vixi. For almost ten years Roxa and Vixi had lived with them and, in so many ways, Vixi had been like a daughter to him. He had missed her so much when Roxa had re-married and moved to Sweden with her new husband. Vixi had joined Starfleet for a while, but then had left to pursue a career as an artist. She was married now and was expecting her first child in a few weeks time.

The study door suddenly opened and Kathryn came in.

Chakotay put down the picture and turned to her. "How is she?"

"Better," Kathryn said quietly.

Chakotay bridged the gap between them and put his hand on his wife's shoulder. "She'll be alright. Now we know she's feeling guilty over the accident, we can help her."

Kathryn nodded. Then she looked down sadly. "I've been so preoccupied with getting the deflector over the past few months that I've been totally oblivious to her pain. I should have been there for her... helped her..."

"If you've been blind to her pain, then so have I," Chakotay replied. "But sometimes we only see what someone wants us to see. You know how deep Annie is. It's always hard to know how she really feels about things." He smiled wanly. "She takes after her mother."

Kathryn looked up at him. "I feel as though I've let her down." She paused. "I've always wanted to be a good mother, Chakotay..."

"And you have been," Chakotay said sincerely. "You've been a wonderful mother." He gently put his hand to her cheek. "Never doubt that. And you've never let anyone down. Certainly not Silvie, Stevie, Annie or Mattie. They couldn't ask for a better mother. You've always been there for them, always."

Kathryn smiled softly as a tear ran down her cheek, and Chakotay gathered her close. Kathryn wrapped her arms around him, and they held each other tight.

* * *

A ray of silver sunlight seeped in through a window and fell on Mattie as she lay so still in her bed. Kathryn sat at her bedside, her daughter's hand in hers, while Silvie, Stevie and Marianne stood around the bed. Chakotay kissed Mattie's forehead tenderly and then turned to the technology beside her that was keeping her body alive. With a trembling finger, he depressed a red button. A computerized voice spoke:

_"Life support will terminate in 60 seconds. To reactivate life support, press the flashing green button. I repeat. Life support will terminate in 60 seconds. To reactivate life support, press the flashing green button. No further warning will be given."_

Chakotay then sat at the opposite side of Mattie to Kathryn, and took her other hand in his. Nothing could be heard in the room except Marianne's soft weeping and the steady pumping of oxygen into Mattie's lungs.

Every second that they waited seemed to be an eternity...yet only an instant... Then the rhythmic sound of life support stopped and Mattie's body stilled as death claimed her.

Tears flooded Kathryn's eyes, but she suppressed them. She wouldn't grieve. Mattie wasn't dead, she was just sleeping...just like she herself had only really been sleeping all those years ago when death had claimed her in Engineering. Just as Elissia had healed her, so too would it heal her daughter...

Steeling herself with that thought, she put a hypospray to Mattie's neck and injected her with a solution that would prevent her body from decomposing.

* * *

**TWO DAYS LATER**

Kathryn sat at the helm of a dormer ship she had obtained for her mission, while Chakotay and Silvia monitored the surrounding space. Stevie and Marianne knew very little about how to fly a ship, so were mainly keeping to the residential part of the vessel with Roger.

"We're finally all clear," Chakotay said. "There are no ships or inhabited planets in the vicinity."

"But we are very close to two black holes," Silvia added. "Their gravimetron field may interfere with the temporal rift we generate." She worked her console. "According to my calculations, if we generate a rift here, it will only hold for approximately 5.7 minutes."

Her mother questioned. "How long will it take for us to reach it at maximum warp?"

"Between two to three minutes, depending on where and how it exactly forms..."

"Then it will hold for more than adequate time. And the less time it holds for, the better." She activated the comm system. "Mom to Stevie and Annie. We're about to generate the rift. Make your way to the helm." She then turned to Silvia. "Bring the deflector online."

Silvia did as she was told and activated the device. Seconds later, a pulsating blue rift appeared before them, cutting across space and time like a jagged wound.

"Amazing," Silvia said in awe. "I've never seen anything like it..."

As she spoke, Stevie and Marianne appeared. Stevie was carrying Roger in his cage, and the bird spoke when he saw everyone.

"Hello all. Hello all."

As Stevie secured the cage in a compartment, Marianne wandered over to the helm, gazing at the wonder before her. "Is that the rift?"

"That's it," Kathryn said. "Our gateway to the past." She paused. "Now, you and Stevie sit down. We might experience some turbulence on our way through."

Stevie sat on a vacant chair, and Marianne sat behind her mother.

"Silvia, bring the cloak online."

The cloak was activated.

The temporal rift grew larger and larger until suddenly they were almost upon it...

"Entering in 10," Kathryn said, "9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2..."

The ship shook a little as it entered the rift and colors swirled on the screen before them. Marianne clutched the side of her chair and closed her eyes....

Then all was still.

Marianne opened her eyes and saw nothing but black space and stars on the screen before her.

Kathryn spoke. "Our location?"

Chakotay answered. "0.03 light years from Elissia."

"Stardate?"

"55380.4. Time is 14:00 hours.

"Right where we wanted to be," she said, relief evident in her voice. She turned to Silvia. "Status of deflector."

"Undamaged."

She then addressed Chakotay. "Position of _Voyager?_"

"As we would expect, leaving the planet. At this precise moment, she's 0.58 light years away."

"Then looks like we're all set," Kathryn said with a smile. She then got to her feet. "Silvia, take us into orbit of the planet. The rest of us, let's get changed and ready to go. We should be in orbit within half an hour."

* * *

A fierce wind almost knocked Kathryn down when she materialized on the barren mountain of Elissia. Marianne clutched her tight and Kathryn wrapped her arm around her daughter as they made their way into the dark cave to light a couple of torches.

Chakotay and Stevie materialized, and Stevie fixed a light rucksack over his shoulders as he waited for Silvia to transport Mattie. As Chakotay looked around, memories of the day he had carried Kathryn's lifeless body through the winding tunnels of Elissia flooded back to him...

The blue light of the transporter beam glowed before them and Mattie materialized on a stretcher. Kathryn had dressed her in warm clothes and had plaited her long ginger hair to stop it blowing in the wind. Stevie took the rear of the stretcher and Chakotay took the front, his back to his daughter.

Inside the cave, sheltered from the raging wind, Kathryn lit a torch for Marianne and then one for herself. Just as she finished lighting it, Chakotay and Stevie entered with Mattie. Kathryn got up and put her hand on Marianne's shoulder.

"I'll go in front, you follow behind us all."

Marianne nodded and Kathryn squeezed her shoulder before walking further into the cave. Chakotay and Stevie followed her, and Marianne followed them into the underground labyrinth.

* * *

Even though she was warmly dressed, Marianne was cold as they walked through the dark and narrow tunnels. She thought the tunnels would never end, but then she heard a roar of water in the distance.

"We're almost there," Kathryn said. "Just around this corner..."

They turned the corner, walking into light, and then suddenly where blinded...

Kathryn raised her hand to her brow to protect her eyes from the glare until they grew accustomed to the brightness. As they focussed, she saw a figure of a person kneeling on hands and knees by the water's edge, exhausted and breathless.

"There's someone else here," she said anxiously, hoping the person was too far away to hear. "We're going to have to come back. We can't risk contaminating..."

But it was too late. The figure at the water's edge looked in her direction. "Captain?"

Kathryn's whole being froze at the sound of a once familiar voice. "Kes?"

The old Ocampan struggled to her feet and leant against a jagged rock for support.

Forgetting everything about timeline contamination, Kathryn handed her torch to Marianne, and hurried over to her. "Kes. It's really you. What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question," Kes replied, "but I already know the answer just by looking at you. You're a Captain from the future, an older Captain. You've come back in time to heal someone..."

The Ocampan was clearly struggling for breath and Kathryn put her hand on her shoulder. "You need to sit. Come..."

"No," Kes argued. "I'm just exhausted. I'll be alright in a moment. It always exhausts me."

"What does?" Kathryn asked.

"Healing people."

"Healing people?" Kathryn glanced at the pool of water and light and then back at Kes as an astonishing realization hit her. "You're Elissia..."

"That's right," Kes answered. "I brought you back from the dead and I healed Chakotay's leg."

Kathryn was a moment in answering as she tried to absorb this. "But how?"

"My powers. For a while now I've had the ability to heal people. I don't know how, but there are so many things about my powers I don't understand. I tried to hide them on Ocampa and find out more about our ancient abilities, but documents were too vague. And those that did mention our abilities, didn't mention them in a positive way. I don't think my people lost the powers because they didn't use them. I think they didn't use them because they were destructive and all consuming."

"But how did you know of this place...know Chakotay would bring me here? I don't understand."

"I wanted to return to _Voyager_," Kes explained. "I wanted to see you all again before I died. For so long I had been lost and confused and was so angry. I had forgotten who I was. I needed to find her again. And when I did, I just wanted to be on _Voyager_, just wanted to be with the people I had loved, in the place I had been happiest."

Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes at those words.

"The closer I get to death," Kes continued, "the weaker my powers grow. A few weeks ago, I would have been able to send _Voyager _home, but now I wouldn't have the strength to send the ship more than a few light years. I used up too much strength crossing the galaxy to find_ Voyager_. But when I caught up with _Voyager_ and penetrated her with my mind, I saw that all was not well. You were dead and there was talk of a place called Elissia. I found this planet before the crew did, and searched the mountains with my mind. While there was a tunnel and a cavern in this one, there was no healing water, no light. There may have been once, but there wasn't now. So I knew I had to create them."

Kathryn looked up and around. "Is all this...is it a projection of your mind?"

"No," Kes replied. "After I left _Voyager_, I came into contact with many species and acquired lots of different technology. Amongst them I had a device that would disable all alien technology within a specified distance. I used it to disable all your technology, except bio-technology, within the mountain. I knew that without use of your technology, you'd never be able to detect me. I then used holo-technology to create the illusion of water and light. But everything wasn't ready when the Commander and a companion came exploring. I had to block up the tunnel to delay them. When it seemed everyone was going to abandon the quest, I sent telepathic messages to Tuvok." She paused. "I healed you, the Commander, an alien woman and a young male who was once a drone. I also healed Seven of Nine and changed her back again. When I healed her, I extracted her implants and kept them, so all I had to do was put them back. Everyone else I left as they were. Healing takes up so much strength."

Kathryn gazed at Kes sadly. "Why go to all this trouble? Why not just declare yourself and your intentions on _Voyager_?"

"Because I didn't think I would be trusted," Kes replied. "You were dead and Neelix was gone. I thought it was easier this way..."

"Oh Kes..." Kathryn whispered.

Kes looked at the small crowd behind her former Captain. "Who have you brought here to heal?"

Kathryn turned around and looked at her family. Chakotay and Stevie had put the stretcher onto the floor and were holding a torch each. "My daughter," she said sadly. "She was fatally injured in an accident eight months ago."

Kes left the rock and slowly walked over to where the dead teenager lay. She stood over the girl and smiled. "She looks so much like you, Captain. What's her name?"

"Martha Marie," Kathryn answered. "But we all call her Mattie."

Kes looked away from Mattie to those standing around her. She smiled at Chakotay. "It's good to see you again, Commander."

"You too," Chakotay replied, tears in his eyes.

"And this must be your son," Kes said, looking at Stevie. "There's such a resemblance."

"Yes," Chakotay answered. "This is our son, Silvesta Kolopak." He gestured to Marianne. "And our daughter, Marianne Louise."

Kes smiled. "I'm pleased to meet you both." She then turned to her former captain. "You have a very handsome family, Captain."

Kathryn was gazing at her daughter, so much pain in her eyes. Kes bridged the gap between them and put a trembling hand on Kathryn's arm. "I will heal her, Captain."

Kathryn turned to her. "But you're so weak..."

"I can do it. I know I can..."

She stretched her arms out over the dead girl's body and closed her eyes.

Not a sound could be heard as everyone watched in suspense.

Kes's hands began to shake as they generated an invisible force and sweat appeared on her forehead as she concentrated with all her might...

Then she cried out and fell to the ground, gasping for breath.

Kathryn knelt beside her daughter and stared at her hopelessly, trying not to give in to the feeling of utter and complete grief that was consuming her... Mattie lay so still. So still and deathly pale...

Then the young girl's lips began to turn pink and color seeped through her face...

Kathryn watched, her heart racing from anticipation and elation as Mattie's eyes fluttered opened and looked into her's.

"Mom?"

Kathryn tearfully reached for her daughter's hands. "Mattie... My darling, Mattie..."

Mattie sat up slowly and looked around at the familiar faces looking back at her. "What happened?"

"You slipped on the rocks," Chakotay explained, his eyes moist. "You were badly injured."

Marianne knelt beside her sister. "It was all my fault, Mattie," she wept. "I'm so sorry..."

Mattie drew her close. "Don't cry, sis. It's okay..."

As the two sisters held each other, Kathryn turned from her daughters to look at Kes. The Ocampan was lying on the ground, her eyes closed, her breathing heavy.

"Kes," Kathryn said in concern. She closed the gap between them and raised Kes into her arms.

Kes turned her head to look at the sparkling water and dazzling light of Elissa. She looked up towards the roof of the cavern and concentrated all her strength...

Suddenly, all went dark as the light and the water disappeared and there was a deafening crash as holo-technology broke into pieces as it hit the ground.

"The disabling device," Kes said breathlessly. "It's concealed behind a rock over there...high above the ground...don't have the strength to move the rock.... But it will fail...without power replenishment it will only last a few weeks..."

"Understood," Kathryn said gently.

"But my ship," Kes whispered, "in orbit...cloaked...frequency 45689...must destroy...Promise me..."

Kathryn took Kes's hand in hers and squeezed it. "I promise..."

Kes was very weak now and Kathryn stroked her aged brow, tears in her eyes.

"Years on _Voyager _were...best of my life... So sorry I left you..."

"So am I," Kathryn said tearfully. "We all missed you so much..."

"Remember who I was....

"I've never forgotten," Kathryn said, a tear running down her cheek. "I never will."

Kes smiled softly and then stilled as the last breath left her body.

Kathryn gazed at the dear Ocampan for a long time, and then kissed her forehead tenderly before turning to her family.

"Chakotay, Stevie, put Kes on the stretcher. We're taking her home with us."

Chakotay questioned. "The temporal prime directive..."

"We'll cremate her on the ship, no one will ever know..."

Chakotay and Stevie gave their torch to Marianne and Mattie, and then gently raised Kes from Kathryn's arms and carried her over to the stretcher.

Kathryn watched as they carefully laid Kes down, and then got to her feet. "We'll need to clear away this debris..."

"I'll do it," Stevie said. He went over to his rucksack, opened it, and pulled out a black device that lit up as he activated it. When he pressed a button, a long thick silver tube extended from the base. At the bottom of the tube, small black panels opened like the petals of a flower. Stevie went over to the scattered debris and it all slowly vanished into vapor as he held the device over it.

At last, they were all ready to leave. Marianne led the way, holding a torch, and Mattie walked beside her. Chakotay and Stevie followed them, carrying Kes on the stretcher, and Kathryn followed behind, holding the other torch.

Before leaving the cavern forever, Kathryn turned to look at it one last time. All was dark now, silent, just as it would be in a few weeks time when her younger self, Chakotay and Tom, would bring baby Stevie here in the hope of healing. After so many years, she finally knew the secret of Elissia, and it was one she would never have imagined.

* * *

**THREE DAYS LATER**

Doctor Magnus Photon stared in disbelief when he saw Martha Janeway sitting up in bed in blue pajamas.

"Good morning, Doctor," the young girl smiled.

The Doctor turned to Kathryn. "How is this possible?"

"I was hoping you would tell me," Kathryn replied. "When I came to check on her this morning, she was sleeping soundly and life support had deactivated itself."

Kathryn hated to deceive the Doctor, but she couldn't risk the truth being discovered. As sincere and well intentioned as the Doctor was, he was a terrible liar.

The Doctor pulled out his medical tricorder and began to scan his patient thoroughly. "Incredible," he said, "Absolutely incredible...And vital signs are stable...all areas of the brain are active and neural pathways are intact...It's as though she was never injured..." He turned to his former captain. "I can't explain it, Admiral. It's miraculous..."

Kathryn smiled, her eyes moist as she gazed at her beloved daughter. "Yes," she said softly. "I do believe it is."

"What I can't believe," Mattie said, "is that I've been unconscious for over eight months. It seems only a few hours since Marianne and I were on the rocks..."

"An activity I hope you won't be repeating without safety harnesses," the Doctor said firmly.

"I think we can be sure of that," Kathryn smiled.

As though needing confirmation that what he was experiencing was real, the Doctor began to scan Mattie again. "Incredible," he said. "Unless it's the work of our old friend Q, I can't explain such a recovery..."

"Well," Kathryn said, "Q or no Q, I'm just so thankful to have my Martha Marie back."

Mattie smiled warmly at her mother at that, and the Doctor finally put away his tricorder.

"I'll second that," he smiled. "Welcome back, Miss Janeway."

* * *

Griffy lake sparkled silver in the bright autumn sun. Kathryn stood with Chakotay at the water's edge, a beautiful diamond urn in her hands that glittered the colors of the rainbow. Carefully, she opened the lid and let Kes's ashes fall into the soft blowing wind.

"Goodbye, Kes," she whispered. "And thank you."

Then she turned to Chakotay, linked her arm with his, and they slowly walked home together.

* * *

**A WEEK LATER**

Smartly dressed in a fawn suit and black t-shirt, Chakotay fastened a gold watch to his wrist as he waited for Kathryn to emerge from the bathroom. Just as he was finishing closing the strap, the doors opened and Kathryn appeared. She was dressed in an elegant gown of black velvet that had pretty lace sleeves and a low neck and a cluster of diamonds sparkled at her throat.

"You look stunning," Chakotay said, gazing at her. She may have aged by over a quarter of a century, but she looked as beautiful to him as she ever had or could.

"Thank you," Kathryn smiled. "You look mighty handsome yourself."

Chakotay smiled and bridged the gap between them. "So, are you going to tell me where we're going now?"

"No," Kathryn replied warmly. "I've told you, mister, it's a surprise." She made her way to the door. "Come on. The sooner we leave, the sooner we get there."

* * *

After saying goodbye to Marianne and Mattie, Kathryn and Chakotay went straight to the transporter room. Kathryn manually set up transportation, and then joined Chakotay on the pad.

"Computer," she said, "initialize transportation."

Seconds later, they both dematerialized.

When they rematerialized, Chakotay looked around in astonishment. They were standing before a crackling fire in what looked like the same holographic log cabin that had always occupied a special place in both their hearts. Everything was the same as he remembered, even the replicator that looked so out of place in this idyllic setting. Snow was falling outside a window and beneath it was a beautifully decorated pine table with two lighted candles and what appeared to be sealed dishes of hot food.

"Remember this place?" Kathryn said, gazing at her husband.

"Always," Chakotay said. "But how...where?"

"On Voyager Junior," Kathryn smiled. "I pulled some strings. The museum is "officially" closed for the weekend to do some necessary repairs. We have the ship all to ourselves..."

Happy tears welled in Chakotay's eyes as he looked around. "Everything is the same as I remember... How did you recreate all this? The program was lost when we destroyed Voyager..."

"By memory," Kathryn replied. "Every detail of this place is engraved in my heart."

Chakotay turned to her and looked into her eyes. "In mine too..."

Kathryn took his hands in hers. "It's been a terrible few months and I wanted to make your birthday this year extra special."

Chakotay squeezed her hands. "Thank you. This is indeed very special..."

Kathryn put her hand to his cheek. "No, thank you. Thank you for supporting me over the past few months, for always being there, for all the love you give." Her voice fell to a whisper. "Thank you for being you."

Chakotay gently took her hand in his and kissed it tenderly. "Thank you for loving me, Kathryn. Thank you for giving me the best years of my life..."

Kathryn gazed deep into his eyes and a tear ran down her cheek. "I love you so much..."

"I love you too," Chakotay replied.

Kathryn smiled, and Chakotay gently lowered his lips to hers in a tender kiss.

As they drew apart, Kathryn slipped her arms around his neck. "I've made us a traditional Swiss meal..."

Chakotay gathered her close. "What is that exactly?" he teased.

Kathryn smiled at the memory. "Cheese fondue with vegetables, meat, or bread. Various Swiss cheeses are blended to make the fondue and...."

Her words faded as Chakotay kissed her again. The kiss deepened as Kathryn responded and they kissed with rising passion...

At last they drew away and their eyes met once more.

"But we can always put dinner on hold and check out the bedroom," Kathryn said, her eyes sparkling.

Chakotay smiled, her passion mirrored in his eyes. "Sounds good to me."

Kathryn then raised her lips to his and they surrendered to another kiss.

**THE END**


End file.
